The Walls Laugh At Me

by DaWhirlhoof

Rating: mature
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Narcotics, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Other, Suicide / Self Harm
Length: 3704

Pinkie's engine has been running low lately. She's definitely not the bubbly pony she used to be. So she searches for an...unorthodox solution?

(I know this is an itchy topic, so please feel free to slam it.)

Quite a bit of time has passed since she met Twilight and the rest, and a number of years can weigh on a pony. Even Pinkie, the ball of pure, chaotic energy is getting weary of life. But luck has been heading her way, for she has a brand new sweet that fills her with fire! So what’s the issue?

(Amazing cover art by Vale-Bandicoot96!)

Published 2018-10-10 16:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-05-25 19:36:27 UTC

Getting Up

The sunlight battered against the pony's sleeping form, as the inhabitant tried her best to avoid waking. She tossed and turned, determined to win this battle of grit. The sun proved to be a tricky mistress, however, and merrily began burning (what felt like) a massive hole in the pony's back. She tried her best to ignore the heat and simply rest, but even Equestria's signature peppy party pony couldn't defeat a celestial object.

Groaning in annoyance, Pinkie Pie awoke into a world she wasn't quite ready to acknowledge yet. Her eyes, crusted from exhaustion, blinked in an attempt to get her mind running. It wasn't working particularly well, and she felt as if she needed some kind of firework to get her moving. Pinkie absently stared at her hooves for a moment, trying to convince herself that they were important to watch, but eventually moved to leave her savior.

Pinkie once again sighed in grief of her lost slumber, and finally summoned the will to move out of her bleary-eyed state. She had once been a morning pony, but that had stopped being true around twenty years ago, age taking a toll even on her energy. Now her body was creaking more than it should, it took longer than it should have for her recognize certain memories or stimuli, and her "non-stop happiness" quest had been toned down a tad. It hadn't helped that Gummy left this life without her, and Sugarcube Corner eventually closed after the Cakes retired. Out of a stable job and mourning her pet/best friend, Pinkie hadn't been quite as bubbly as her friends were used to. It turned out that she simply couldn't ignore the years passing by, and time offered no mercy. At least a grand total of zero world-stopping threats had shown up in that period.

Pinkie Pie mumbled something about "...super duper un-splenderific sun..." and waltzed into her usual routine of three-pronged brushes, candy cane toothpaste, and milk shower. After making herself at least somewhat presentable (by her standards, anyway), Pinkie stumbled downstairs into the living room of her simple cottage. It wasn't particularly grand, but she didn't really need that. Besides, she had more than enough energy to decorate and spruce up the place to her liking, with seemingly random streamers, balloons, and posters lying around. Twilight would've called it "organized chaos". To Pinkie, it was simply home.

Her breakfast had never been particularly sophisticated, and that hadn't changed in twenty years. A well-balanced strawberry cupcake (or seven), apple and caramel stew, and a minty chocolate milkshake were enough to finally break Pinkie out of her morning stupor. She ravenously decimated the goods, trying to become as awake as possible before forcing herself out into the declining rambunctiousness of Ponyville. The quaint town had once been booming with life and merriment, and while it certainly wasn't dull or dead by any measurement, Pinkie's attitude, Twilight moving to Canterlot, Rarity setting up a permanent shop in Manehattan, and the overall passing of life had been a bit dreary for everypony. Thus, while she was neither expected nor did she desire to do so, she needed to go out and breathe some fire into the village.

Before she set out on her task, Pinkie took a few moments to remember exactly what she needed to do, and to think about what she was doing. Was it really still necessary to be throwing parties and screaming at ponies when she had passed her prime? Wasn't it a bit ridiculous to continue this routine even decades later?

Was she becoming obsolete?

Pinkie shook her head and sneezed, clearing that particular path from her mind. Obsolete or not, she still had a special talent, and she'd fulfill that talent regardless of use or redundancy. The ponies of Equestria needed happiness in their lives, and seventeen, thirty-seven, or even sixty-seven, she'd continue to supply that with all the effort she could muster. After all, it's not as if she had anything better to do with her time, and making other ponies smile still warmed her heart. She was the Element of Laughter.

Pinkie's grip on her legs wavered, her mouth morphing into about a hundred different faces of concentration as she tried to remember what she needed and who for. She wasn't list-crazy like Twilight, but organization in any form was important. It was...a baby shower, right! For Rumble and Prose's new filly, Cardinal! A new foal hadn't been born in over a year, so it was quite the event, especially for Pinkie. She collected her thoughts into what she needed: a few tons of flour, mounds of deflated balloons, a ten hoof cylinder of poster paper... Easy enough to get, and she could and would quickly, knowing what today was. She'd need to put in quite an amount of effort to get this done right, considering what exactly she was preparing for.

With those happy thoughts in her mind, and a newfound height in her bounce, Pinkie trundled out of her front door and down to her suppliers, ready to bring smiles to a new face.

That bounce didn't last long for Pinkie Pie, whom had found that she just wasn't as peppy as she should've been. It wasn't right, how tired she was and how much momentum she needed to get moving. Even getting out of her bed was a chore, and today was time for a baby shower! Her thoughts scrambled as she wearily padded down the street, trying to get her hooves moving faster. Why was this so difficult? It's not as if she hadn't faced challenges before, with much worse odds and with much more effort to succeed. Why was she just not as energetic as she could and should have been, given who she was? Even a couple decades shouldn't matter to her mindset, and yet here she was, thinking about this rather than focusing on the party.

Pinkie stopped to gather her head together, and really devoted some thought to this. It's not just that she was tired; that wouldn't have stopped her from being excited for this. It's not that she was depressed either: she had learned to live with life passing forwards, hard as it was. No, this was something more deep-rooted, something at her very core that she couldn't solve. She absently kicked the ground while trying to puzzle this out. She wished Twilight was here; she could've been able to figure out the problem and get it solved lickety-split. Pinkie simply wasn't a huge brainiac, and she had more important things to focus on than academics. It could've been that she was simply running out of inner fuel, her embers dying out over time. Maybe when she got her cutie mark, it had given her a boost that would eventually burn out? Maybe she was now forced to acknowledge that nopony, not even her, was capable of nonstop antics and outbursts throughout her entire life. Maybe...just maybe...she wasn't truly a nonstop party pony, but simply another pony going through the cycle of life.

That thought was immediately thrown out, along with her insecurities for the moment. Even if she wasn't special, that was no excuse not to try her best. Certainly, she wasn't "at the top of her game", so to speak, but she still had a spark in her, and that spark was there to stay. Pinkie finally smiled for the first time that morning. She wasn't going to lose her edge, or become incapable of bringing light to others. She just needed a motivational boost, somehow. Something to get her going again, at top gear. Then she could work from that, and build off her initial spike into a longer running track of momentum. But where to find that spark...?

Well, no need to worry about that right now. She could go visit Applejack, perhaps get some cider at the tavern, and let this worry wash off. Then, after being cleansed of her sorrow and self-pity, she could get to work on the shower, and make sure it was especially incredible! Maybe Applejack could even help with this "bubbly button" problem Pinkie had. Applejack was dependable; even if she didn't know, she'd work hard 'till she could find a method that worked.

With that plan in mind, a clearer head, and a new inspiration for the day, Pinkie returned to her signature bounce and headed for Sweet Apple Acres to meet up with a special farmspony.

Applejack giggled as she recounted fond memories of her friends' previous adventures with Pinkie. "Y'ah remember the tahm that Twahlight went a little loony and casted that 'Want it, Need It' thingamadoohickey?"

Pinkie snorted in response, her eyes almost tearing up from that particular event. "Yep, she was all 'Princess Celestia is gonna be so mad' and 'if I can't find a friendship problem, I'll make a friendship problem!' and she was soooooooooo crazy! I almost thought she was trying to copy me!" Pinkie sniffed and sighed in memory.

Pinkie Pie then shrunk her grin and downcast her gaze. "It's a shame she had to leave..."

Appejack laid a comforting hoof over Pinkie's crest and smiled sadly. "Ah know Pinkie. None of us liked watching her leave, but she's happy where she is. So it's for the best-"

Pinkie's head shot up and her eyes widened. "Oh, I know that AJ! I know Twilight's super happy in Canterlot, and we should all be really happy for her, it's just..." Pinkie let her body slump. "I still miss her...a lot, actually..."

Applejack sighed, and stared at the pink pony with knowing in her gaze. "So do ah, Pinkie. We all do. But it's not as if we don't see 'er on ah frankly absurd basis. We visit 'er every other week, y'know."

Changing the subject, Applejack quirked her eyebrow and quickly questioned, "So, what about this problem you said yeh had? From th' sounds of 't, it's bumming you out purdy hard. What's going on?"

Pinkie's ears perked, and she returned Applejack's look. "Oh, that. Eh heh heh. Well, it's nothing I really want to trouble you about, but it has bothered me for a while. It's...you know when you're super duper tired, and it's really, really hard to do anything?"

The farmspony smirked. "Oh, ah've definitely had days like that. Mostly when I had a bit too much cider..." Applejack's eyes glimmered for a second, before looking at her friend again. "So what's getting yeh like this? Ah've never known you to be the rock kind, Pinkie," Applejack said without noticing her pun.

Pinkie wiggled in her seat before responding, wincing at her back popping. "It's not really that I'm tired -I mean, I still am sometimes, but it's not that bad- but, well, I just sorta...don't feel like doing anything. It's like I've lost all the hope and happiness that I should have, and I feel stuck." Pinkie's face hardened. "I need something. Something to help me. It doesn't have to be super complicated, just a quick fix. Can you help me, AJ?" Pinkie looked at the farmspony in question wistfully.

Applejack touched her hoof to her chin in thought. "Hmm, a quick fix, eh? I'm not entirely certain what you need. If yeh need energy, can't yeh just whip up some sweets or something sugary?"

Pinkie shook her head. "I already tried that AJ. It tasted good, of course -really good- but I don't need sugar. I need something just to get me going again. Cider and coffee haven't helped either..."

A younger voice piped up from behind the two. "Well, ah don't know if it'll definitely help, but ah think it's worth a try." Applebloom sidled up to the pair, grinning in confidence. "Ah might have somethin' to help yah, Pinkie."

Pinkie instantly straightened, and devoted her attention to Applejack's sister. "Really? What is it? I think I'll try anything at this point."

Applebloom sat down, and rubbed at her mane. "Ah was thinking about th' Zap Apples. Whenever we make Zap Apple Jam, we always throw away the cores, right? But that seems a bit of a waste t' me. So, what if we ground the cores int'a powder, and tried sprinkling that over food as a sort of 'spice'?"

Applejack raised an eyebrow in questioning. "Y' sure about that, Applebloom? Ah mean, we all know Zap Apple Jam is good for yer system, but that's because ponies use it on things that dilute it, like putting a dollop of it in a smoothie or somethin'. Powder might be a bit risky..."

Applebloom whined. "No it ain't! If ponies can eat th' jam, then what's wrong with th' powder? Ah mean, it might be a little stronger 'cause th' core is concentrated...but it's still good!"

Pinkie cocked her head to the side. "Seems fine to me, Applejack. If it doesn't work, what's the harm in trying it anyway? It's not like I'll explode or anything." Pinkie and Applebloom both giggled.

Applejack pursed her lips for a moment, before sighing in defeat. "Alright, y' can try yer little experiment. But I don't want y' doing anythin' dangerous. Don't be sprinkling it over th' animals' noses or nuthin'."

Applebloom rolled her eyes. "It's fine, Applejack. Th' Crusaders n' I already tried it, and we're perfectly fine! And ah certainly ain' gonna use 't on th' animals. That'd just be dumb." She bent her head back to grab a small bag filled with a thin rainbow powder, then passed it over to Pinkie, who snatched it in her hair loop. "Take care of this, a'ight Pinkie? It ain' easy t' make."

Pinkie smiled and nodded, careful not to immediately drop the bag. "You got it, Applebloom! Thanks for the help!" She checked a watch she didn't have a second ago, and gasped. "Oh, wowzie-woozie! I've only got an hour left to be early for the party! See ya later!" Pinkie and the Apple sisters waved to each other as she bounced off into the distance, ready for a lovely day of partying and smiles.

Author's Note

Welp, finally got off my lazy apple and wrote something. Granted, it might not be amazing, but it's the first story that I'm working seriously on. Hope you liked the first chapter!

Cracking Smiles

Pinkie Pie bounded down the town road, merrily thinking of all the ways she'd bring a smile to her current party recipient. Here she was actually going to do something useful! No more agonizing in bed, no more brooding over the past- she wasn't designed to brood! No, what she was good at was making others happy, and that's exactly what she was going to do today.

Pinkie eyed the bag still clenched in her jaw. The idea of Zap Apples being ground down into a powder...it certainly seemed like something new, and Pinkie was all for new things. But somehow it seemed...off. She couldn't quite put her hoof on what seemed wrong with the idea, but it just felt like it wasn't a good plan. But if it was going to hurt her, her Pinkie sense would've already hit the moment she took the bag, so it obviously wasn't going to go terribly. Still...

Before she knew it, Pinkie had arrived at the house who's filly occupant would be receiving a very big surprise today. Cardinal was going to have the very first Pinkie party of her life! It would be energetic, loud, and most importantly, it would be one of the first births in Ponyville for nearly two years! She couldn't mess this up, no matter what. She needed to get the streamers, the cake supplies, the hammerspace, th-

A big pop and sudden pain in her back put Pinkie's thoughts of massive activity on the back burner. In her excitement of preparing the baby shower, she had forgotten that pony bodies had limits, and she was reaching her own. How long had it been since she broke physics, or shattered the fourth wall, or became a pink blur capable of catching up to Rainbow Dash? The fact that she couldn't remember indicated it was probably too long, and that wasn't a good sign... To prepare for the baby shower party, she was going to need to move around a lot and very quickly, but with her current condition, it didn't seem likely to happen.

Pinkie Pie the Ponyville Party Pony wasn't about to give up just to age, however! She forced herself through the pain and moved onward to gather her party supplies. First things first: balloons, the core that glued every party together. Or was it cake? Probably cake, actually. Regardless, it was time to get ready. She bounded off to her main supplier, and mentally gathered her will for what would be an exhausting day, certainly.

The tiny bell above the door wobbled as Pinkie slipped into the party supplies shop. A chubby stallion with a name tag displaying the words "Lots' O Helium" sat behind the counter, idly counting bits while he waited for business to start up. His head perked up at the sound of the bell, and his neutral face grew a warming smile across the muzzle, watered by the prospect of potential money. Pinkie sidled over to the counter, not needing to waste time looking around when she already knew exactly what she'd order.

"Heya, Lots' O!" Pinkie cheered as she laid her hooves upon the counter. "A super duper cutie baby was born recently, so I need only the most spectacularific party supplies for today!" She allowed herself to grin widely, as her back wasn't currently attempting to do its best limbo impression.

"PInkie! My favorite- and most frequent- customer! So you need some things for a baby shower, eh? I'm guessing you already know exactly what you want?" Lots' O quirked his eyebrow, anticipating a slew of requests and demands. Pinkie had never been one to waste time on niceties, and her lists could be almost a mile lon-

"Yep, yep, yep, yep! I have everything I need swimming around in my noggin! Just gotta get it for real now." Pinkie said. She then tossed a piece of parchment out of her mane, containing a list of everything she'd need for the shower. She simultaneously flipped the bag in her mouth up into the pink poofy mass, and caught the list in her teeth, allowing it to unravel until it nearly hit the floor.

She gingerly placed the list on Lots' O's counter, still grinning madly and waiting as Lot's O looked it over to make sure he had everything on the list available. Pinkie bounced back and forth in place while she anxiously awaited his answer. Lot's O looked sure of himself at first, but as he continued looking over the list, his face contorted first into uncertainty, then worry, and finally looking back up with a sad expression.

"Well, PInkie...", Lot's O started, "I don't wanna say this, but I don't believe I can get ya everything you need, at least not by the end of the week." He looked off to the side, somewhat guilty.

Pinkie instantly stopped her vibrating in place, and her mane deflated partially, as she switched from excitement to depressive confusion. "Whaddya mean you won't have it? You always have what I need." The tiniest of tears started to collect in her eyes.

"I did when Ponyville was still bustlin', but I can't get my things nearly as fast now. Before it only took a few days, now it might take two weeks, or more..." Lot's O tried his best to avoid looking directly at Pinkie.

"Two weeks...", Pinkie trailed. She sunk into the floor and almost openly wept, her wet eyes struggling to keep themselves open. She pulled idly at her now nearly completely deflated mane.

That couldn't be right! Everything was going so well. She knew what she needed, Apple Bloom gave her a gift in case she needed a boost, the shower was perfectly planned...and now she wouldn't have anything to give her party the usual Pinkie spice. It hurt to know that she couldn't give the new foal the excitement Ponyville had known Pinkie for in the earlier years. But...

Pinkie shakily stood up and wiped her eyes, trying to regain a less dreary complexion. "It's...it's fine, Lot's O. I'm sure you're having your own problems. I guess I'll have to make do." She offered an empty chuckle to lighten Lot's O's mood.

The stallion in question looked back at her and responded with a guilty smile, trying his best to not put the pink mare down any further. "I know ya will. You can make the craziest parties of the smallest hint of happiness. I'm sure it'll still be a blast."

That was true. Pinkie's job certainly was easier with a big pile of party supplies, but she could make equally good celebrations with much less. It's not like she had never done a big birthday bash or welcome party without her usual kit. And it would probably be refreshing to see what she could come up with on her own, rather than something so generic.

Pinkie Pie stood up completely and felt her face revert into her usual mirthful grin, her mane poofing back into her iconic style. She didn't need all those supplies just to make it a great day. It would already be a great day, just because of her being there and spreading happiness. It was time to show the Ponyville of today who she used to be, and who she'd be from now on.

"Thanks anyway, Lot's O!" Pinkie cheered as she confidently strolled back out of the store, swiping her list and scanning the town around her. She wouldn't let anything stop this from being the biggest baby shower in Ponyville history, be it age, lack of party gadgets, or a monster attack. She'd make sure it was going to leave a great impression on everypony, and get her back into the smiling game.

Ponyville was about to get a bad (or good) case of Pinkie Pie being herself to the max.