Author's Note

WARNING: EXPLICIT RAPE AND DRUG ABUSE. YOU CAN SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF YOU WANT.

If you are having trouble with these issues yourself, please consult someone you trust, a counsellor or helpline.

20- Can you spare some Love?

AYRA POV

"My story?" I asked. Curdle did nothing but nod and took a seat opposite me. I never looked back on my childhood before Chrysalis destroyed her own hive, too many bad memories. Way too many.

"Unless it is uncomfortable for you to talk about. I know more than anypony how terrible recalling the past is for creatures like us son if you don't want to talk about it..." Curdle put her hand on my shoulder, assuring me that I wasn't being forced o do anything here. I already decided on telling her about my past but the real question that plagued me was how much to tell her.

"OK, I'll tell you everything I can," I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before beginning.

1 YEAR AGO

I was in the audience of Queen Chrysalis herself, shivering like a foal in the cold as she looked down at me kneeling "Rise, my faithful changeling, there is nothing to fear here," she said in a benevolent tone that could only be rivalled by Celestia herself. Despite what ponies who have met her may think, she was actually a kind and fair ruler who only used her 'evil supervillain' personality when she was in her changeling form around ponies. Ponies hated us so in her opinion, why try to be friendly to the race that had a long history of prejudice and discrimination towards races that didn't share their so-called 'pure' traits like dragons who were by nature, aggressive and carnivorous and us changelings who 'stole' love. "Today is a very important day for you, you are now ready to go out into the world and collect love for us, young drone,"

A drone is only allowed to begin going into the world to hunt for love when they turn 9 changeling years old, which is only 1 normal year, in our hive. It is when we both have the average size magic pool and control over our shape-shifting abilities to collect love. That day was my ninth changeling birthday and my first hunt, which was considered a momentous occasion in our community. My mom, or should I say my 'delegated caretaker' was ecstatic as well as my older drone siblings. While everychangeling in our hive is technically related by blood, we separate ourselves into families to help with the sharing of love. However, our queen, Chrysalis, was always the one to receive the most love to breed more of our kin. Thoughts ran through my mind like 'What if can't collect enough love?' or 'What if I get caught?' which only added to my hesitation but everychangeling told me it was going to be okay. I was just as skilled as any other drone in the hive and my chosen location was Canterlot, the grand central station of love so nothing could go wrong. "I fulfil my duty to the hive," I said, bowing in respect.

Chrysalis smiled at me and motioned for me to raise my head again "Your companion, Celia, will also be going with you to keep you safe. Remember your training and stay focused, for the hive,"

"For the hive," I repeated back to her.

"Good, you are dismissed," she said. I turned and left the throne room and into the tunnels where I stayed with my family.

On my way, Celia waved from a tunnel above me and hopped down so she was next to me "Hello there, Ayra, heard Chrysalis gave you the thumbs up to go out into the field," I remained silent as Celia kept walking with me. Celia was 2 changeling years older than me so she was able to go out into the field much more frequently than me, a fledgeling "So, how are you feeling, Ayra. I know you might be feeling nervous but don't worry. The most you will have to do is tail some happy couple or family. Simple," She said "Maybe if your lucky, you'll get a stallion to treat you for the night~," she said. I blushed furiously and pushed her.

"CELIA! You know I'm not allowed to do that until I'm 18! That would be against Chrysalis' wishes and you know what happened to the last drone who had relations with a pony while underaged!" I exclaimed. Celia only sighed and placed her hands by her sides.

"That poor soul will never see his little dinker again... if only he waited two more months..." she said quietly. Celia was always the vulgar one, always cracking inappropriate jokes and encouraging me to do things I probably shouldn't. However, she was always the one to motivate me when I was struggling with my training and pushed me to try harder than anyone else so Chrysalis would acknowledge me and accept me into her elite guard "Now for real, how are you feeling about this?" she asked me genuinely.

"To be honest, a little nervous. Everychangeling keeps telling me how important the first hunt is as it is basically the first impression to our queen and decides how much you are respected by the hive and our queen and maybe even a spot on the elite espionage team," The espionage team were able to go on much more missions which meant they got the most love out of all the drones and lived a lot longer. There have also been rumours of Craxis, Chrysalis' right-hand drone, living for almost 100 years.

"Don't worry! You'll be just fine. You are just as skilled as the seniors, which is saying something!" she reassured me "Anyway, my mom is waiting for me to get back, my turn to feed the little one, you know?" she said as she flew off into another tunnel' leaving me alone with my thoughts once again. After that talk, I felt more motivated than get as much love as possible from my first hunt for my family and hive. I let out a relieved sigh and walked tall as I went back to my hole.

"That would probably be the moment I grew to eager, to confident in my abilities to understand what I would be doing fully. If I could, I would slap past me for being such a fool," I clutched my chest tightly as I insulted myself for being so stupid.

"May I ask what happened?"

"It was during my hunt in Canterlot. I was separated from Celia in a crowd when she found a target to follow. I was lost and wet from the rain, so scared that I almost shifted back. A stallion found me in the streets alone and asked if I wanted to go with him to his place so I could get dry but..."

SKIP THIS SCENE IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH EXPLICIT RAPE

It was going fine when the stallion asked if I wanted to go to his place; I had a large supply of love coming from him and it was enough to feed at least three or four small families. "Chrysalis will be so pleased with me..." I said to myself. I was disguised as one of the mares I was on the streets. I was an amber pegasus with a cream white mane and green eyes.

"What was that?" the stallion asked me. He was a grey unicorn with crystal blue eyes and honestly quite easy on the eyes by our standards. I was expecting my first target to be maybe and old stallion or mare like some of the unlucky ones. In hindsight, somepony old would have been better than him.

"Oh, nothing!" I said cheerfully as I dressed in one of his large T-shirts. I period of silence came followed by a question which changed the course of the entire night.

"So, can we skip the pretences and just skip to the part where I buck your brains out?" he said as he leaned in behind me and took a whiff of my mane. I tensed up at his unwanted touch, his hands tracing my sides until he reached the bottom the shirt and took it off in a single motion. I couldn't replicate any undergarments so I was completely naked in front of the stallion. He smiled from ear to ear as I tried to hide my exposed body "Wow, got all naked for me? You must be a naughty girl, huh?" he whispered into my ear as he kept feeling me up "To be honest, I didn't think you would come with me when I asked. It sounded like an obvious trap when I think on it and ponies here in Canterlot don't exactly know me for my good-natured conduct around mares, especially virgins," the intense pleasure from his touch and the fear completely paralysed me; all I could do was let the stallion feel me up.

He pushed me onto his bed without warning and pinned me down as I tried to roll off and escape "Oh no you don't; you're the first mare who was dumb enough to take my offer this week and as you can see" he pointed down at his hardened crotch "I am quite hot and bothered so calm down and let me do all the work," he unbuttoned his pats with his magic and pulled down his boxers, revealing his stiff stallionhood. It was so large, I was 100% sure I wouldn't be able to take all of him, especially for my first time.

"Please... don't..." I finally managed to squeeze out but he was done with teasing. He spread my legs wide open and...

SCENE END

By then, I was already in tears. I collapsed on the floor bawling my eyes out. Curdle got off her seat and held me tightly. "Don't worry. You don't have to say anything; I understand"

"Your the only person I have told about this since Chrysalis. She said it was okay and tried to assure me everything was okay but it WASN'T!" I yelled "I couldn't tell my family, or Celia or the other drones. All I could do was receive comments on how well I did; like I was being praised for letting myself get raped and they died thinking I was some changeling deserving of their love. I could've done so many things but didn't out of pure fear; Hit him with a spell, reveal my true form, ANYTHING! but all I did was lie there and take it like some sl-" Curdle put a finger to my muzzle before I could finish and waited for me to calm down. Once I did, she removed her finger "I was never the same after; I rejected the offer to join the espionage as I knew it was just out of pity, I was terrified of stallions and had to resort to medication I stole from pharmacies just to stop my nightmares and panic attacks. A lot of them,"

"You do realise those can have quite an effect on your personality. It can cause your testosterone to increase and make you become more violent. It is a miracle an overdose didn't kill you," Curdle said. She picked me up off of the floor and put her hands on my shoulders "You are safe here and have lots of people to talk to about this kind of emotional baggage,"

"Like who?" I asked.

"Burning Fist witnessed the destruction of his clan and is the last one alive, Tidal Horn lost her mother to gryphons and I know about the picture of Windy's mother he keeps under his pillow which is slightly scorched on the edges. Even Noire has some issues he needs to sort out; I've seen it by how he is constantly lost in his own thoughts. You have lots of people here who can help you but only if you let them in,"

"Where would I even begin?" I asked. A knock sounded from the entrance and from it, Noire appeared/

"You can start with me if you want," he said "I'm sorry but I couldn't help but listen and all I say is I won't get any easier bottling it in. Cadance and I talk about our problems all the time and we grow closer with each day. You can do the same with someone you want to truly give your love to,"

It was all too much. Tears rolled down my cheeks once again but this time it was slow, happy tears spoke the words for me. Noire and Curdle hugged me warmly and I couldn't help but hug back; I trusted these two after all "Please help me" Without me even noticing, the wound began to slowly heal.