My Little Pony: Wifi Will Destroy Societyby JibblesChaptersChapter One: Public WifiChapter 2: Will you help me make a Horseboooook~Chapter III: Hooking up...Not like that you Pervert!Chapter Four: A Little Look AheadChapter V: The Death of SparityChapter One: Public WifiChapter One: Public Wifi Twas but another day in the town of ponyville. Wait, why the hell did i say "twas"? Am I trying to sound Fancy and Cultured or something? Because I can assure you that I am certainly NOT cultured, like, for example, this one time at band camp I....oh wait, I should probably tell this story first. Yeah. Good Plan Jibbles. *brohoofs self*. Anyways, It was just another day in Ponyville, birds were singing, flowers were blooming and on days like this Ponies like you....would be enjoying the company of your friends! However, the usual bustle of the busy town center was much less abundant today. Could it be? Was Pinkie Pie throwing yet another massive party and invited EVERYONE!? There could be no other such explanation! But unfortunately there was, this mass desertion of a usually crowded area could mean only one thing... Ponyville got public wifi... Now I know what your thinking, how in the Lord's name did ponies, PONIES, of all creatures, get the ability and technology to have wifi, let alone wifi compatible devices. Well there is a simple explanation for that.....magic. Yes the princess of friendship, Twilight Sparkle, is also the element of MAGIC. So what did she do when she saw the Humans of Earth with these devices through the eyes of her beloved pupil, Sunset Shimmer? She made them, and then made a social media site to help other ponies get in contact with her and everyone else in Equestria! She called this website "HorseBook" and made friends the mandatory way of advancing your status in the world, online and offline. Of course there were the awkward stages of such a fascinating and almost limitless expanse of the "Wireless Web". A few funny comments here and there, a few new friends from Saddle Arabia, but pretty soon everyone was on HorseBook, and no one could escape its ever increasing user base. Then the local celebrities came to Horsebook, Ponies created content for their friends who in turn would share the content to other friends who like said content and then the cycle would repeat. Before you know it EVERYONE was on Horsebook, sharing, posting, and talking to one another, sometimes with those they had never met in person. Who would be the most excited about this then miss Pinkemania Diane Pie? Literally everyone else. This was a complete death sentence to her actual, offline, social life. Ponies no longer wanted to meet at the Town Center to talk and enjoy some tea, they all wanted to be at home, eyes stuck to computer monitors, talking to ponies and other creatures they had never met before. Yes these sorry excuses for human beings had lost all sense of humanity and common morals when they became entrenched into the deep and terrible darkness that is the internet. Pinkie tried to persuade others that this "WEEFEE" was not as fun as a REAL party...but alas such efforts are fruitless when all of your friends are in on it too. Not to mention it became hard to be around Rarity when all she did was brag about how many stallions "wanted her flank", Hmph, maybe if she didnt post pictures or herself in lacy under-garments, looking suggestively into the lens with the caption "Hot and Heated in the Botique", she wouldn't come off as such an easy slut. Not to mention all of Fluttershy's animal post on HorseBook started becoming depressing, with so many pictures of suffering and injured animals on her feed, it became a wonder that Fluttershy didn't start getting all gloomy and depressed. Even so, there came the point that had to be addressed, Pinkie needed to learn how to use HorseBook. And who better to teach her then her old friend and founder of this new age then Princess Twilight Sparkle herself! Pinkie stood up off the chair she had been sitting on while looking into the empty streets. Such a sight was enough to make her skin crawl, but no time! She stretched her back, a soft audible crack could be heard as she groaned and then let out a sigh of relief, her usually bright eyes had been bloodshot and watery from the tears she had shed earlier, and her face was still covered in the chocolate icing she had shamelessly taken from Mr. and Mrs. Cakes storage unit. Hey, what can she say, comfort food does comfort her, especially chocolate cake icing. She wiped her face off with a nearby tissue, hoping to God it wasn't already used from last nights....."Fun with Mr. Wiggles". She looked at the "special toy" that was just barely covered underneath the edge of her bed and blushed, she scooted it back into complete obscurity under the bed and took a deep breathe, looking at herself in her dresser mirror of her room. "You can do this Pinkie! Just go in there and give HorseBook the Ol'e Pinkie Punch! Charm the Sock off those Shut-in party poopers! Show em what they're missing! With that, Pinkie grabbed her saddle bag full of confetti and unused balloons and made her way to Castle Twilight, eager to learn the ways of "DA WEB" as she had once heard another, chubbier, more neck-beardy Pony say. He referred to it with such happiness and elation that she felt a tinge of jealousy, that should be joy that SHE is causing! Not some mindless trashy feed with slutty ponies and dumbass horndog stallions. She may be a people person at heart and totally against even so much as making a phone call just to talk, but she resented that society had become so shut in and lonely...she may not be able to stop in according to others but Gosh Darn it she will find the way! Even if it Cost her Everything to do so... FORSHADOWING So Anyways about that time in band camp, there was this really hot mare, and Im talking like a solid 8/10 and she was like "oh are you fluffy? Or just FAT?" so I punched her in the snoot and as she was on the ground with her face bruised and bloody I Replied "Im Fat....but not a fat cunt like you..." and then walked off. Best. Shower. Ever. Even though the other mares in the shower kept screaming and covering themselves, psh, its like they've never seen a stallion before... Author's Note I hope you Enjoyed this rather unconventinal first chapter! please follow and share for more! Or not, I dont give a flyin clop. Just enjoy! Jibbles Chapter 2: Will you help me make a Horseboooook~Chapter 2: Will you help me make a Horseboooook~ Everyday was like this for Spike. Every. Fucking. Day. He wakes up, Brushes his scales, Checks HorseBook, Sends Rarity a few Scalie Fanfics he wrote for her editing and review, and then gets on with the usual cooking and cleaning. But that's not the bad part, not even a feather on his shoulder compared to the ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE LIST of things he needs to deliver back and forth, along with his duties as "Ambassador" to the Dragon Lands. His Delivery list and chore list were as follows but were not limited to: - Getting the Cutie Mark Crusaders to school on time - Helping the apple family with harvesting - Fetching gems for Rarity for her dresses - Keeping the Servers up for Horsebook excetera, excetera, excetera. Sure being the #1 assistant to one of the most prevalent and powerful beings in Equestria had its perks, along with diplomatic immunity and a close friendship with the Current DragonLord, along with being practically worshipped as a saviour in the Crystal Empire. (Although he would never admit it, he has no idea how he became so influential in the political stage, if asked, he would just give a cocky gesture of confidence and a snide remark and continue on his day) But recently he had found that he had no way of being even MORE well known to the world, he was a dragon after all, and if there is one things dragons treasured more than personal pride, is the Renown they get for being such awe inspiring creatures. When HorseBook came around he was elated to say the least, he immediately made an account and started friending all of his compatriots. Then He started a group for other ponies and dragons to follow him and his friends exploits. He felt as if he was able to get recognition and still be close to all his friends, which was in the short run a very huge emotional and mental booster for the small purple dragon. Everyone seemed to love HorseBook and all the people it brought together!.... Everyone except Pinkie Pie.... He hadn't seen the pink party pony in weeks and was hearing rumors that her business as a party planner and organizer had been getting a metaphorical noose drop, due to the fact that ponies almost never left their houses. She had become more and more isolated from everyone, much to the worry of her friends. Fluttershy tried sending her a request, hoping that it would motivate Pinkie to join in on the new craze, but ended up sending it to a stallion with the name Pinky Promise, not realizing that pinkie doesn't even own a computer or phone with wifi and in return, got a very, very large amount of dick pics from the well endowed Pony....almost everyday...for the past week... AppleJack tried to convince Pinkie to come out and hang out at the farm with her. At first Pinkie was absolutely thrilled to finally see someone in person for the first time in weeks! Then when the time finally came, AppleJack was on her iPone, ordering Seeds from a mare in Baltimare for next years harvest. Pinkie left the farm without a word or single bounce. Dash tried introducing HorseBook and the wonders of the internet through funny videos on iPunny. At first, Pinkie Pie seemed really into the whole idea of funny and pun videos and would bug Dash almost incessantly about "playing that again". But then Rainbow accidentally reopened a tab on her Laptop while trying to get to another iPunny tab...the results were... Interesting. Pinkie has been avoiding cloudsdale since then. Who knew you could do THAT with a pot of boiling water... Rarity...well, last chapter should be enough explanation to her efforts of showing Pinky the "Sexier side" of Horsebook. Spike was going to try and visit Pinkie Pie today at her house, he even cooked some ginger cauliflower casserole to give the pony, considering she only eats sugar based products its a wonder that she hasn't gotten type 2 diabetes. But before the purple dragon could leave the front door of the castle with the casserole wrapped in his arms in pink tinfoil, He saw the unfamiliar sight of a smiling, bouncing, Pink cloud that was the party pony herself, Running at his direction in near physics law breaking amounts of speed. The Casserole was the First victim, instantly spilled and smashed by the sheer force of the impact, the second was his right kidney. So long kidney, press F to pay Respects. "SPIKEWHEREISTWILIGHTANDHOWDOIWEEFEE!?!?!?!" The Ponk exclaimed rather desperately....spike smelled old cum and stale chocolate on her fur....the last one was expected, the first one was just damn sexy. GOTTTTT DAYUUUUUUUUM. But alas, he was too young to get a boner and so went to the next obvious response. "what the fuck are you saying?". The Pink pony just rolled her eyes and released the small lizard from under her hooves. He got up and dusted himself off, then he folded his arms across his chest and replied calmly "If your looking for Twilight I'm afraid she already left on an important trip to Saddle Arabia to get a tour of the new Oil refineries.... I'm sorry....she left this morning...". She closed her eyes, took a deep breath in and then exhaled with and audible sigh of calmness, she then opened her eyes and looked at him dead into the slitted pupils looking at her with a mixed sign of confusion, and a little bit of anticipation, as if he knew what she was going to say, the words that he would no doubt, regret later on, and look back on the moment in his rugged middle age as the moment he knew it would begin the greatest War in the history... but for now he was still young, and he was being asked, to his knowledge, a innocent question from a friend in distress. "If Twilight Can't teach me about the weefee....will you Spike?" Today was not gonna be like Every other Fucking day for Spike...Not even close... Author's Note I'm surprised the first chapter got any views AT ALL. This is a bad story and you should feel bad for reading it! Jibbles Chapter III: Hooking up...Not like that you Pervert!Chapter III: Hooking up...Not like that you Pervert! Pinkie Literally smelled like absolute trash. She pleaded that she go get cleaned up before starting this "Super Important Friendship Mission!" as she phrased it. What was so important about setting up a HorseBook account? Not like she would post anything but Party Updates and send Party Invitations, Spike however needed to address the foul smelling pink horse in front of him, Since Twilights room and bathroom were locked during her visit to Saddle Arabia he had no choice but to allow her to use his Facilities. Now keep in mind, Spike wrote scalie fics, but he wouldn't even for a second DARE peep in on a mare taking a shower, he was a Gentleman at his very core and he made sure to Give Pinkie as much time and privacy as she needed. When she was all done and had her hair and body wrapped rather tightly around her (keep in mind that his towels have to fit HIM but not necessarily anyone else.) When she emerged from his bathroom, a billowing cloud of steam followed behind her, she was still a little wet and was smelling a FUCKTON better. Spike Covered his eyes as she shamelessly undid the towel around her body and threw it lazily on his correctly proportioned bed.... great....more laundry to do today. He scowled at the pony after uncovering his eyes, because he remembered that literally everyone was naked, including himself. "Do you mind!? That towel is going to get my sheets wet and smelling like you!" he pointed out rather harshly. "So? You act like you DON'T normally have your bed smelling like a mare *coughcough* Rarity *cough*." replied the dirty minded pony. This comment made Spike blush, not out of embarrassment for his former crush being implemented in having sexual relations with him, but because it made him feel angry, just because that was his crush back when he first moved to Ponyville, and they had since developed a more friendly and platonic relationship, He sent her Scalie Fics and she reviewed them with her incredible eye for detail that can only come from trying to put string through a sowing needle for YEARS. So implementing that Such a good mare like her would sleep with him, let alone date him, made him angry. He was confident with himself but he wouldn't allow his good friend to be sullied by such horrible rumor that this pink Harlot would most definitely spread...as soon as he sets up her HorseBook account...cruel irony to say the least. He led her to his laptop on a desk next to his bed and turned on with the simple click of his mouse. The machine woke up from its sleep mode and its display quickly lit up into his monitor background, a Picture of him and his friends that Photo Finish took free of charge. He had very few files on it, mostly just text documents containing his various Fics and Google Chrome. Pinkie was not too impressed, she was sure that this Little Dragon would at least have a game or two on there, maybe even Elder Dragon V: Scrolls of Oblivion. But no, just boring old stories and the internet app. "Your kidding right?" she said looking down at Spike. "What?" he replied "I don't like to consume my time with games." Pinkie rolled her eyes "BOOOOOOOORING" she loudly declared. The mare then suddenly spoke out before Spike could even retort. "So, how do we do this?" the dragon opened up Google Chrome and quickly typed into the html search bar "HorseBook" with just a few speedy movements of his claws on the keyboard. He then hit Enter, and Spikes HorseBook Feed, came on screen. The pink pony pointed at the username he chose for his profile and feel backwards laughing hysterically. "Well maybe if you actually did something useful with your life besides help other ponies stuff their fat faces with neon colored diabetes, you too could have the username 'Spike The Great'!" he commented under his breathe. Pinkie, was too busy laughing to give a single fuck. "Anyways, what do you want your username to be?" the party horse suddenly shot up and looked at him in a way that screamed "Fo real mutha fucka?". Spike got the point and named the profile "Ponky Pie". heh. stupid strawberry colored bitch. He entered a password that he shared with her on a little pink sticky note. "Keep that safe, ok? Don't let anyone see it." she shook her head absentmindedly up and down in agreeance "Now..." Spike said, getting up from his swivel chair "the rest is up to you, make a profile picture and add all your friends.". He began to walk towards the entry door to his room with Pinkie Pie slowly looking towards his laptop with a sincere look of curiosity and confusion, and a little bit of fear. He looked at her and gave her a reassuring, gentle smile "You can do this Pinkie....just let your mind go free....ill be in the kitchen if you need me." and with That, Spike closed the door behind him, walking down the hallway, he did his part and now it was up to her, he was sure she would shine online like she did offline. Then a faint echo bellowed down the hall from his room "WHO THE HELL IS PONKY!?". Spike grinned and continued from the the hallway downstairs into the kitchen area, he grabbed some eggs, assorted veggies, cheese, and bacon. He began cracking eggs and started drifting into the blissful solitude of his cooking as he whipped them in a large plastic bowl. "I guess 'Ponky' saw her username, I'm sure she'll beat my ass for it later" Then he closed his eyes and let his mind wander. He saw images in his head, some blurry, some clear, some seeming like he was looking at them through a magnify glass. Most of them were his friends, but some of them were the acted out images of the character he writes, playing out scenes in his stories like a great Drama play. But then, His eyes shot open and he dropped the bowl, spilling the contents on the floor with the air in his lungs seemingly having vanished, he fell on his back and then clutched his heaving chest as a sharp pain overtook him. The image he saw shook him to his core, but he did not know why, it just did without any proper explanation. "Why..."he whispered "Why was she making that pose with her arms...?". Author's Note The PLOT increases Jibbles Chapter Four: A Little Look AheadChapter Four: Pinkie Explores the Web You are now entering a Locked Program under the administration of The Alliance.... continue? y/n y Please enter your User Name and Password Username: OneLastPie Password: ***** Welcome Commissioner Pie! Run latest Log? y/n y Accessing... ... ... Audio_RBD071918.mp3// run... Hello....Please state your Acronym Code and the current date if you would? Codename RBD, Date 071918....I Would like to state for the record, I had no intent of what happened, So many Assimilated, I didn't want anypony to suffer like that! I swear! Would You like some water? What?....Yes, some Water would be nice thank you.....maybe a cigarette too if possible?...Thanks.... RBD takes a Sip of water offered by JTP JTP pulls out a pack of Red Marlboros and offers a stick to RBD RBD shakily takes one and JTP lights it with his horn giving RBD time to inhale and collect her thoughts So Tell me RBD, What happened to your mission? I understand you were not assimilated....my condolences for your other squadmates.... RBD does not respond but looks down at the table JTP lets RBD have a moment to respond No response from RBD Im Sorry RBD but I need to ask you a few questions in this debriefing before I can allow you back out, you know that as well as I do... Just get to the Damn Point.... and dont call me by my Acronym Code.....call me by *EXPUNGED FROM RECORD* Ok then.... so, miss *EXPUNGED FROM RECORD* it is then. Let's get to the "damn point" as you put it... JTP opens a folder and reads off each question Did you accomplish your mission objective? No. Did you discover anything else about the new Spire in district *EXPUNGED FROM RECORD* No. What happened to FES? Deceased... How? Fatal Forced Dismemberment by assimilated Agents.... What happened to APJ? Deceased. How? RBD becomes silent The question miss *EXPUNGED FROM RECORD* you need to answer it before we ca- Assimilated into the District Spire... She is the reason I'm here right now... JTP stands up out of his chair and turns his back on RBD I know this is hard miss, *EXPUNGED FROM RECORD*, we've all lost something or someone today... myself included... RBD looks up from the desk Then you should know exactly why this debriefing needs to get done quickly... JTP turns around and sits back down What did Agent APJ do to save your life?...take your time i kno- She made a trade with the Spire... What Kind of trade? Her Life for Mine, the Spire just needed one of us, Agent FES's body couldn't be assimilated due to the nature of her death and I was the next one in the line, APJ pleaded and made a Bet with the Spire, knowing its pride Agent APJ easily convinced the Spire to accept the bet... if it lost I would be free, if she lost she would be assimilated. Well you're here so that's obvious she won right? Then why was She Assimilated? The Spire Was prideful...like I said....so it didn't take kindly to losing so easily. As soon as I was released it made me watch as .....as *EXPUNGED FROM RECORD* was turned into one of THEM. Referred to Agent by Birth Name Please Refer to Doctor WOM's report on Agent RBD's mental state What was the bet? That the ICBM would hit The Spire before it could realize the missile was in range. Needless to say she won... Now as you know Agent RBD.... As Team Leader you are held responsible for those under your command... all 4 of them... I Understand sir.... And the loss of a Member of your Team, while tragic, has consequences. Yes Sir... Then Please State for the Record what the Consequence is? Temporary Leave from active duty....Civilian life.... until further notice.... Correct, do you have any final statements RBD? No. /end_file/Audio_RBD071918.mp3 Would you like to Read Doctor WOM report attached to this file? y/n y Please enter the file password Password: **************** One moment please... ... ... Access Granted... DRWOM_patient.RBD.070218.mp3/run I feel as if I should refer to the patients session today as informal... hence why the usual introduction to this file has been so unkosher to the normal procedure however i belie- fast_fowardx2 stop /run -ut without a doubt I feel a great amount of honest concern for Rainbow Dash... her and AppleJack were very close to each other, closer then friends, almost like sisters, she often referred to her time in close combat training with Agent APJ as some of the most exhausting if not greatest time she has had sparring with another pony, which to her, is a great compliment given all the other Agents she has bested. This would reveal why she is so devastated by the loss of Agent APJ, along with their friendship role in the now useless "Elements of Harmony" also gives insight into how their team dynamic worked. Rainbow Dash wanted to be the best, and AppleJack wanted to prove to her Team leader that Dash had more to learn. The two fed off each others personalities in possibly the most effective way possible, which should be obvious given the Teams Rank in the Agency Leaderboards... One does not simply become number 1 by having unhealthy friction between Teammates. Regardless of the Fact, It is my belief that because of the loss and trauma that miss Dash has experienced that during her mandatory leave she be allowed to spend time with the Apple Family to grieve and share a sense of closure, and that her leave should be indefinite... I will allow her a weekly visit to my office in Canterlot under strict supervision by the Royal Guard and then to be escorted back to the Apple Orchard when she is done with our 2 hour session... The date is 070218 Subject is Agent....Miss Rainbow Dash... Please Refer to this file for cross examination and reference under the given password. Doctor WO-......Doctor Wolf....signing off... /end_file/DRWOM_patient.RBD.070218.mp3 logout? y/n y Enjoy your Day Special Agent Pie!.. logging off... ... ... shutdown? y/n y saving files... ... ... shutting down Chapter V: The Death of SparityChapter V: The Death of Sparity Ah, the Warmth of a hot shower. Such things were very underappreciated in Rarity's view and especially the Mud ponies of Ponyville. She understood that they had no way to fly and avoid the dirt on the ground, nor did they have magic spells to help them pick up a loofah and bathe. She Wasn't a racist keep in mind, she just happened to be the only one in town who noticed the stench that appears when an Earth Pony is nearby. As she pondered these thoughts to herself, she let the soapy, hot water fall from the nozzle above her head and onto her white fur and purple mane. She combed the soap out with a shower brush and turned the nozzle to the OFF setting. Soon she was just a very wet, very clean, unicorn; She put the nearby purple towel hanging near the shower door around her hair in a beehive fashion in order to dry off her gloriously soaked mane. She levitated the Phone on the dresser to her view and saw that she had a few notifications from HorseBook, most off them request from stallions who wanted some lewd pictures of her, and, despite rumors, never gave them even the time of day for a response. She was ashamed of all the gossip that spread on the web about her, mostly just jealous mares and rival boutique owners trying to discredit her by call her a slut. She took pride that she never had a dirty picture of her on the internet, considering what most other mares post, her post's were very PG. Mostly just pictures that she paid Photo Finish to take of her in her best dresses. Because of HorseBook, and the pictures she posted that linked to her business's website, she has been getting thousands of Bits by delivering internet orders. Her success however has only been plagued by the jealousy and envy of others...which unfortunately led to a LOT of unneeded rumors of her personal life. But at least sales weren't going down! She smirked at the thought of others efforts to destroy her company being in vain. But just as she cleared her notifications a message popped up by her good friend Spike. She thought it was another fanfic he needed reviewed, and though she did very much enjoy the articulate writing and imagination that the little dragon had, she was already reading his last one and hadn't quite finished the revisions. But to her surprise it was about Pinkie Pie, the poor thing had been in such distress over all this HorseBook stuff that she had isolated herself from everyone, even her friends. Rarity had tried to help and even offered her a view of her profile, but because of rumors, the pink horse was in no way going to view her "SlutBook". They got into a huge argument and Pinkie huffed out of her house, slamming the door behind her. Rarity Felt horrible about what she said and let pinkie calm down for a day before she tried going over to her bakery, But when she knocked on the door Mrs. Cake answered, saying that Pinkie Pie didn't want any visitors. To hear about Pinkie was a great relief to her and read the rest of Spikes Message. Spike: Hey Rarity! I finally got Pinkie to make a HorseBook! Her name is Ponky Pie and she would probably love it if you could give her a message! I know the last time you guys talked wasn't the best... but maybe this could be your chance to mend the broken bridge! Also, what did you think of my last Fic? She smiled, and immediately replied Rarity: Really!? Thank you so much Spike! I'll let the others know right now! And your fic was very interesting, I never considered the biology of a dragon to be so...Complex! It was absolutely FABULOUS! I will email you the revised version tonight, nothing big this time, just some grammatical errors and run on sentences! I'll message Pinkie right now! By the way...."Ponky"? was that your decision by chance lol? Spike: Guilty as charged, lol, still need me over at the boutique? Rarity: Yes please! I need some fabric stored upstairs! Thank you again BDFF! Spike: hahahah no problem BPFF! I'll be there at 6, see you then! Rarity put her phone on sleep mode and undid the towel around her hair, revealing the perfect purple curls. She had sufficiently dried off and began to walk down the stairs from her bedroom to the main boutique area, her dressed had been arranged on the model dummies neatly and her sewing machine kept clean and in perfect order. Spike was such a good helper! and the "Best Dragon Friend Forever" a pony could ask for! She knew Spike had a crush on her for awhile, but at some point along the road he had stopped making advances, she was sure since he was not longer infatuated he would now abandon her in the boutique, but much to the contrary he had become one of the best friends in her life and the best writer she had the pleasure of knowing! She offered to pay him for his work, and spike agreed, 3 bits and hour would be enough, She said she would pay more, but he refused adamantly saying "One friend to another". That saying sort of became the unsaid glue that bonded their connection together. She looked at the clock and it read "5:15" Spike would be in in forty five minutes. With nothing else to do she sat down in her chair next to the sewing machine and began working on her latest dress. A few moments passed and she picked up her phone from sleep mode and sent Pinkie a friend request. He was nervous; Would she accept? Would she accept Rarity's apology? Would She in turn apologize?. The possibilities made rarity nervous, but almost as she sent the request was it accepted and a message came through. "How about dinner at my place?" She was wide eyed and smiled sweetly, typing out her response. "Of course!" Author's Note Sorry for not updating yesterday, got really caught up helping my grandparents clean up 5 gallons of white paint off a dark green tile floor. Enjoy my lovely's! - Jibbles
Chapter One: Public WifiChapter One: Public Wifi Twas but another day in the town of ponyville. Wait, why the hell did i say "twas"? Am I trying to sound Fancy and Cultured or something? Because I can assure you that I am certainly NOT cultured, like, for example, this one time at band camp I....oh wait, I should probably tell this story first. Yeah. Good Plan Jibbles. *brohoofs self*. Anyways, It was just another day in Ponyville, birds were singing, flowers were blooming and on days like this Ponies like you....would be enjoying the company of your friends! However, the usual bustle of the busy town center was much less abundant today. Could it be? Was Pinkie Pie throwing yet another massive party and invited EVERYONE!? There could be no other such explanation! But unfortunately there was, this mass desertion of a usually crowded area could mean only one thing... Ponyville got public wifi... Now I know what your thinking, how in the Lord's name did ponies, PONIES, of all creatures, get the ability and technology to have wifi, let alone wifi compatible devices. Well there is a simple explanation for that.....magic. Yes the princess of friendship, Twilight Sparkle, is also the element of MAGIC. So what did she do when she saw the Humans of Earth with these devices through the eyes of her beloved pupil, Sunset Shimmer? She made them, and then made a social media site to help other ponies get in contact with her and everyone else in Equestria! She called this website "HorseBook" and made friends the mandatory way of advancing your status in the world, online and offline. Of course there were the awkward stages of such a fascinating and almost limitless expanse of the "Wireless Web". A few funny comments here and there, a few new friends from Saddle Arabia, but pretty soon everyone was on HorseBook, and no one could escape its ever increasing user base. Then the local celebrities came to Horsebook, Ponies created content for their friends who in turn would share the content to other friends who like said content and then the cycle would repeat. Before you know it EVERYONE was on Horsebook, sharing, posting, and talking to one another, sometimes with those they had never met in person. Who would be the most excited about this then miss Pinkemania Diane Pie? Literally everyone else. This was a complete death sentence to her actual, offline, social life. Ponies no longer wanted to meet at the Town Center to talk and enjoy some tea, they all wanted to be at home, eyes stuck to computer monitors, talking to ponies and other creatures they had never met before. Yes these sorry excuses for human beings had lost all sense of humanity and common morals when they became entrenched into the deep and terrible darkness that is the internet. Pinkie tried to persuade others that this "WEEFEE" was not as fun as a REAL party...but alas such efforts are fruitless when all of your friends are in on it too. Not to mention it became hard to be around Rarity when all she did was brag about how many stallions "wanted her flank", Hmph, maybe if she didnt post pictures or herself in lacy under-garments, looking suggestively into the lens with the caption "Hot and Heated in the Botique", she wouldn't come off as such an easy slut. Not to mention all of Fluttershy's animal post on HorseBook started becoming depressing, with so many pictures of suffering and injured animals on her feed, it became a wonder that Fluttershy didn't start getting all gloomy and depressed. Even so, there came the point that had to be addressed, Pinkie needed to learn how to use HorseBook. And who better to teach her then her old friend and founder of this new age then Princess Twilight Sparkle herself! Pinkie stood up off the chair she had been sitting on while looking into the empty streets. Such a sight was enough to make her skin crawl, but no time! She stretched her back, a soft audible crack could be heard as she groaned and then let out a sigh of relief, her usually bright eyes had been bloodshot and watery from the tears she had shed earlier, and her face was still covered in the chocolate icing she had shamelessly taken from Mr. and Mrs. Cakes storage unit. Hey, what can she say, comfort food does comfort her, especially chocolate cake icing. She wiped her face off with a nearby tissue, hoping to God it wasn't already used from last nights....."Fun with Mr. Wiggles". She looked at the "special toy" that was just barely covered underneath the edge of her bed and blushed, she scooted it back into complete obscurity under the bed and took a deep breathe, looking at herself in her dresser mirror of her room. "You can do this Pinkie! Just go in there and give HorseBook the Ol'e Pinkie Punch! Charm the Sock off those Shut-in party poopers! Show em what they're missing! With that, Pinkie grabbed her saddle bag full of confetti and unused balloons and made her way to Castle Twilight, eager to learn the ways of "DA WEB" as she had once heard another, chubbier, more neck-beardy Pony say. He referred to it with such happiness and elation that she felt a tinge of jealousy, that should be joy that SHE is causing! Not some mindless trashy feed with slutty ponies and dumbass horndog stallions. She may be a people person at heart and totally against even so much as making a phone call just to talk, but she resented that society had become so shut in and lonely...she may not be able to stop in according to others but Gosh Darn it she will find the way! Even if it Cost her Everything to do so... FORSHADOWING So Anyways about that time in band camp, there was this really hot mare, and Im talking like a solid 8/10 and she was like "oh are you fluffy? Or just FAT?" so I punched her in the snoot and as she was on the ground with her face bruised and bloody I Replied "Im Fat....but not a fat cunt like you..." and then walked off. Best. Shower. Ever. Even though the other mares in the shower kept screaming and covering themselves, psh, its like they've never seen a stallion before... Author's Note I hope you Enjoyed this rather unconventinal first chapter! please follow and share for more! Or not, I dont give a flyin clop. Just enjoy! Jibbles
Chapter 2: Will you help me make a Horseboooook~Chapter 2: Will you help me make a Horseboooook~ Everyday was like this for Spike. Every. Fucking. Day. He wakes up, Brushes his scales, Checks HorseBook, Sends Rarity a few Scalie Fanfics he wrote for her editing and review, and then gets on with the usual cooking and cleaning. But that's not the bad part, not even a feather on his shoulder compared to the ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE LIST of things he needs to deliver back and forth, along with his duties as "Ambassador" to the Dragon Lands. His Delivery list and chore list were as follows but were not limited to: - Getting the Cutie Mark Crusaders to school on time - Helping the apple family with harvesting - Fetching gems for Rarity for her dresses - Keeping the Servers up for Horsebook excetera, excetera, excetera. Sure being the #1 assistant to one of the most prevalent and powerful beings in Equestria had its perks, along with diplomatic immunity and a close friendship with the Current DragonLord, along with being practically worshipped as a saviour in the Crystal Empire. (Although he would never admit it, he has no idea how he became so influential in the political stage, if asked, he would just give a cocky gesture of confidence and a snide remark and continue on his day) But recently he had found that he had no way of being even MORE well known to the world, he was a dragon after all, and if there is one things dragons treasured more than personal pride, is the Renown they get for being such awe inspiring creatures. When HorseBook came around he was elated to say the least, he immediately made an account and started friending all of his compatriots. Then He started a group for other ponies and dragons to follow him and his friends exploits. He felt as if he was able to get recognition and still be close to all his friends, which was in the short run a very huge emotional and mental booster for the small purple dragon. Everyone seemed to love HorseBook and all the people it brought together!.... Everyone except Pinkie Pie.... He hadn't seen the pink party pony in weeks and was hearing rumors that her business as a party planner and organizer had been getting a metaphorical noose drop, due to the fact that ponies almost never left their houses. She had become more and more isolated from everyone, much to the worry of her friends. Fluttershy tried sending her a request, hoping that it would motivate Pinkie to join in on the new craze, but ended up sending it to a stallion with the name Pinky Promise, not realizing that pinkie doesn't even own a computer or phone with wifi and in return, got a very, very large amount of dick pics from the well endowed Pony....almost everyday...for the past week... AppleJack tried to convince Pinkie to come out and hang out at the farm with her. At first Pinkie was absolutely thrilled to finally see someone in person for the first time in weeks! Then when the time finally came, AppleJack was on her iPone, ordering Seeds from a mare in Baltimare for next years harvest. Pinkie left the farm without a word or single bounce. Dash tried introducing HorseBook and the wonders of the internet through funny videos on iPunny. At first, Pinkie Pie seemed really into the whole idea of funny and pun videos and would bug Dash almost incessantly about "playing that again". But then Rainbow accidentally reopened a tab on her Laptop while trying to get to another iPunny tab...the results were... Interesting. Pinkie has been avoiding cloudsdale since then. Who knew you could do THAT with a pot of boiling water... Rarity...well, last chapter should be enough explanation to her efforts of showing Pinky the "Sexier side" of Horsebook. Spike was going to try and visit Pinkie Pie today at her house, he even cooked some ginger cauliflower casserole to give the pony, considering she only eats sugar based products its a wonder that she hasn't gotten type 2 diabetes. But before the purple dragon could leave the front door of the castle with the casserole wrapped in his arms in pink tinfoil, He saw the unfamiliar sight of a smiling, bouncing, Pink cloud that was the party pony herself, Running at his direction in near physics law breaking amounts of speed. The Casserole was the First victim, instantly spilled and smashed by the sheer force of the impact, the second was his right kidney. So long kidney, press F to pay Respects. "SPIKEWHEREISTWILIGHTANDHOWDOIWEEFEE!?!?!?!" The Ponk exclaimed rather desperately....spike smelled old cum and stale chocolate on her fur....the last one was expected, the first one was just damn sexy. GOTTTTT DAYUUUUUUUUM. But alas, he was too young to get a boner and so went to the next obvious response. "what the fuck are you saying?". The Pink pony just rolled her eyes and released the small lizard from under her hooves. He got up and dusted himself off, then he folded his arms across his chest and replied calmly "If your looking for Twilight I'm afraid she already left on an important trip to Saddle Arabia to get a tour of the new Oil refineries.... I'm sorry....she left this morning...". She closed her eyes, took a deep breath in and then exhaled with and audible sigh of calmness, she then opened her eyes and looked at him dead into the slitted pupils looking at her with a mixed sign of confusion, and a little bit of anticipation, as if he knew what she was going to say, the words that he would no doubt, regret later on, and look back on the moment in his rugged middle age as the moment he knew it would begin the greatest War in the history... but for now he was still young, and he was being asked, to his knowledge, a innocent question from a friend in distress. "If Twilight Can't teach me about the weefee....will you Spike?" Today was not gonna be like Every other Fucking day for Spike...Not even close... Author's Note I'm surprised the first chapter got any views AT ALL. This is a bad story and you should feel bad for reading it! Jibbles
Chapter III: Hooking up...Not like that you Pervert!Chapter III: Hooking up...Not like that you Pervert! Pinkie Literally smelled like absolute trash. She pleaded that she go get cleaned up before starting this "Super Important Friendship Mission!" as she phrased it. What was so important about setting up a HorseBook account? Not like she would post anything but Party Updates and send Party Invitations, Spike however needed to address the foul smelling pink horse in front of him, Since Twilights room and bathroom were locked during her visit to Saddle Arabia he had no choice but to allow her to use his Facilities. Now keep in mind, Spike wrote scalie fics, but he wouldn't even for a second DARE peep in on a mare taking a shower, he was a Gentleman at his very core and he made sure to Give Pinkie as much time and privacy as she needed. When she was all done and had her hair and body wrapped rather tightly around her (keep in mind that his towels have to fit HIM but not necessarily anyone else.) When she emerged from his bathroom, a billowing cloud of steam followed behind her, she was still a little wet and was smelling a FUCKTON better. Spike Covered his eyes as she shamelessly undid the towel around her body and threw it lazily on his correctly proportioned bed.... great....more laundry to do today. He scowled at the pony after uncovering his eyes, because he remembered that literally everyone was naked, including himself. "Do you mind!? That towel is going to get my sheets wet and smelling like you!" he pointed out rather harshly. "So? You act like you DON'T normally have your bed smelling like a mare *coughcough* Rarity *cough*." replied the dirty minded pony. This comment made Spike blush, not out of embarrassment for his former crush being implemented in having sexual relations with him, but because it made him feel angry, just because that was his crush back when he first moved to Ponyville, and they had since developed a more friendly and platonic relationship, He sent her Scalie Fics and she reviewed them with her incredible eye for detail that can only come from trying to put string through a sowing needle for YEARS. So implementing that Such a good mare like her would sleep with him, let alone date him, made him angry. He was confident with himself but he wouldn't allow his good friend to be sullied by such horrible rumor that this pink Harlot would most definitely spread...as soon as he sets up her HorseBook account...cruel irony to say the least. He led her to his laptop on a desk next to his bed and turned on with the simple click of his mouse. The machine woke up from its sleep mode and its display quickly lit up into his monitor background, a Picture of him and his friends that Photo Finish took free of charge. He had very few files on it, mostly just text documents containing his various Fics and Google Chrome. Pinkie was not too impressed, she was sure that this Little Dragon would at least have a game or two on there, maybe even Elder Dragon V: Scrolls of Oblivion. But no, just boring old stories and the internet app. "Your kidding right?" she said looking down at Spike. "What?" he replied "I don't like to consume my time with games." Pinkie rolled her eyes "BOOOOOOOORING" she loudly declared. The mare then suddenly spoke out before Spike could even retort. "So, how do we do this?" the dragon opened up Google Chrome and quickly typed into the html search bar "HorseBook" with just a few speedy movements of his claws on the keyboard. He then hit Enter, and Spikes HorseBook Feed, came on screen. The pink pony pointed at the username he chose for his profile and feel backwards laughing hysterically. "Well maybe if you actually did something useful with your life besides help other ponies stuff their fat faces with neon colored diabetes, you too could have the username 'Spike The Great'!" he commented under his breathe. Pinkie, was too busy laughing to give a single fuck. "Anyways, what do you want your username to be?" the party horse suddenly shot up and looked at him in a way that screamed "Fo real mutha fucka?". Spike got the point and named the profile "Ponky Pie". heh. stupid strawberry colored bitch. He entered a password that he shared with her on a little pink sticky note. "Keep that safe, ok? Don't let anyone see it." she shook her head absentmindedly up and down in agreeance "Now..." Spike said, getting up from his swivel chair "the rest is up to you, make a profile picture and add all your friends.". He began to walk towards the entry door to his room with Pinkie Pie slowly looking towards his laptop with a sincere look of curiosity and confusion, and a little bit of fear. He looked at her and gave her a reassuring, gentle smile "You can do this Pinkie....just let your mind go free....ill be in the kitchen if you need me." and with That, Spike closed the door behind him, walking down the hallway, he did his part and now it was up to her, he was sure she would shine online like she did offline. Then a faint echo bellowed down the hall from his room "WHO THE HELL IS PONKY!?". Spike grinned and continued from the the hallway downstairs into the kitchen area, he grabbed some eggs, assorted veggies, cheese, and bacon. He began cracking eggs and started drifting into the blissful solitude of his cooking as he whipped them in a large plastic bowl. "I guess 'Ponky' saw her username, I'm sure she'll beat my ass for it later" Then he closed his eyes and let his mind wander. He saw images in his head, some blurry, some clear, some seeming like he was looking at them through a magnify glass. Most of them were his friends, but some of them were the acted out images of the character he writes, playing out scenes in his stories like a great Drama play. But then, His eyes shot open and he dropped the bowl, spilling the contents on the floor with the air in his lungs seemingly having vanished, he fell on his back and then clutched his heaving chest as a sharp pain overtook him. The image he saw shook him to his core, but he did not know why, it just did without any proper explanation. "Why..."he whispered "Why was she making that pose with her arms...?". Author's Note The PLOT increases Jibbles
Chapter Four: A Little Look AheadChapter Four: Pinkie Explores the Web You are now entering a Locked Program under the administration of The Alliance.... continue? y/n y Please enter your User Name and Password Username: OneLastPie Password: ***** Welcome Commissioner Pie! Run latest Log? y/n y Accessing... ... ... Audio_RBD071918.mp3// run... Hello....Please state your Acronym Code and the current date if you would? Codename RBD, Date 071918....I Would like to state for the record, I had no intent of what happened, So many Assimilated, I didn't want anypony to suffer like that! I swear! Would You like some water? What?....Yes, some Water would be nice thank you.....maybe a cigarette too if possible?...Thanks.... RBD takes a Sip of water offered by JTP JTP pulls out a pack of Red Marlboros and offers a stick to RBD RBD shakily takes one and JTP lights it with his horn giving RBD time to inhale and collect her thoughts So Tell me RBD, What happened to your mission? I understand you were not assimilated....my condolences for your other squadmates.... RBD does not respond but looks down at the table JTP lets RBD have a moment to respond No response from RBD Im Sorry RBD but I need to ask you a few questions in this debriefing before I can allow you back out, you know that as well as I do... Just get to the Damn Point.... and dont call me by my Acronym Code.....call me by *EXPUNGED FROM RECORD* Ok then.... so, miss *EXPUNGED FROM RECORD* it is then. Let's get to the "damn point" as you put it... JTP opens a folder and reads off each question Did you accomplish your mission objective? No. Did you discover anything else about the new Spire in district *EXPUNGED FROM RECORD* No. What happened to FES? Deceased... How? Fatal Forced Dismemberment by assimilated Agents.... What happened to APJ? Deceased. How? RBD becomes silent The question miss *EXPUNGED FROM RECORD* you need to answer it before we ca- Assimilated into the District Spire... She is the reason I'm here right now... JTP stands up out of his chair and turns his back on RBD I know this is hard miss, *EXPUNGED FROM RECORD*, we've all lost something or someone today... myself included... RBD looks up from the desk Then you should know exactly why this debriefing needs to get done quickly... JTP turns around and sits back down What did Agent APJ do to save your life?...take your time i kno- She made a trade with the Spire... What Kind of trade? Her Life for Mine, the Spire just needed one of us, Agent FES's body couldn't be assimilated due to the nature of her death and I was the next one in the line, APJ pleaded and made a Bet with the Spire, knowing its pride Agent APJ easily convinced the Spire to accept the bet... if it lost I would be free, if she lost she would be assimilated. Well you're here so that's obvious she won right? Then why was She Assimilated? The Spire Was prideful...like I said....so it didn't take kindly to losing so easily. As soon as I was released it made me watch as .....as *EXPUNGED FROM RECORD* was turned into one of THEM. Referred to Agent by Birth Name Please Refer to Doctor WOM's report on Agent RBD's mental state What was the bet? That the ICBM would hit The Spire before it could realize the missile was in range. Needless to say she won... Now as you know Agent RBD.... As Team Leader you are held responsible for those under your command... all 4 of them... I Understand sir.... And the loss of a Member of your Team, while tragic, has consequences. Yes Sir... Then Please State for the Record what the Consequence is? Temporary Leave from active duty....Civilian life.... until further notice.... Correct, do you have any final statements RBD? No. /end_file/Audio_RBD071918.mp3 Would you like to Read Doctor WOM report attached to this file? y/n y Please enter the file password Password: **************** One moment please... ... ... Access Granted... DRWOM_patient.RBD.070218.mp3/run I feel as if I should refer to the patients session today as informal... hence why the usual introduction to this file has been so unkosher to the normal procedure however i belie- fast_fowardx2 stop /run -ut without a doubt I feel a great amount of honest concern for Rainbow Dash... her and AppleJack were very close to each other, closer then friends, almost like sisters, she often referred to her time in close combat training with Agent APJ as some of the most exhausting if not greatest time she has had sparring with another pony, which to her, is a great compliment given all the other Agents she has bested. This would reveal why she is so devastated by the loss of Agent APJ, along with their friendship role in the now useless "Elements of Harmony" also gives insight into how their team dynamic worked. Rainbow Dash wanted to be the best, and AppleJack wanted to prove to her Team leader that Dash had more to learn. The two fed off each others personalities in possibly the most effective way possible, which should be obvious given the Teams Rank in the Agency Leaderboards... One does not simply become number 1 by having unhealthy friction between Teammates. Regardless of the Fact, It is my belief that because of the loss and trauma that miss Dash has experienced that during her mandatory leave she be allowed to spend time with the Apple Family to grieve and share a sense of closure, and that her leave should be indefinite... I will allow her a weekly visit to my office in Canterlot under strict supervision by the Royal Guard and then to be escorted back to the Apple Orchard when she is done with our 2 hour session... The date is 070218 Subject is Agent....Miss Rainbow Dash... Please Refer to this file for cross examination and reference under the given password. Doctor WO-......Doctor Wolf....signing off... /end_file/DRWOM_patient.RBD.070218.mp3 logout? y/n y Enjoy your Day Special Agent Pie!.. logging off... ... ... shutdown? y/n y saving files... ... ... shutting down
Chapter V: The Death of SparityChapter V: The Death of Sparity Ah, the Warmth of a hot shower. Such things were very underappreciated in Rarity's view and especially the Mud ponies of Ponyville. She understood that they had no way to fly and avoid the dirt on the ground, nor did they have magic spells to help them pick up a loofah and bathe. She Wasn't a racist keep in mind, she just happened to be the only one in town who noticed the stench that appears when an Earth Pony is nearby. As she pondered these thoughts to herself, she let the soapy, hot water fall from the nozzle above her head and onto her white fur and purple mane. She combed the soap out with a shower brush and turned the nozzle to the OFF setting. Soon she was just a very wet, very clean, unicorn; She put the nearby purple towel hanging near the shower door around her hair in a beehive fashion in order to dry off her gloriously soaked mane. She levitated the Phone on the dresser to her view and saw that she had a few notifications from HorseBook, most off them request from stallions who wanted some lewd pictures of her, and, despite rumors, never gave them even the time of day for a response. She was ashamed of all the gossip that spread on the web about her, mostly just jealous mares and rival boutique owners trying to discredit her by call her a slut. She took pride that she never had a dirty picture of her on the internet, considering what most other mares post, her post's were very PG. Mostly just pictures that she paid Photo Finish to take of her in her best dresses. Because of HorseBook, and the pictures she posted that linked to her business's website, she has been getting thousands of Bits by delivering internet orders. Her success however has only been plagued by the jealousy and envy of others...which unfortunately led to a LOT of unneeded rumors of her personal life. But at least sales weren't going down! She smirked at the thought of others efforts to destroy her company being in vain. But just as she cleared her notifications a message popped up by her good friend Spike. She thought it was another fanfic he needed reviewed, and though she did very much enjoy the articulate writing and imagination that the little dragon had, she was already reading his last one and hadn't quite finished the revisions. But to her surprise it was about Pinkie Pie, the poor thing had been in such distress over all this HorseBook stuff that she had isolated herself from everyone, even her friends. Rarity had tried to help and even offered her a view of her profile, but because of rumors, the pink horse was in no way going to view her "SlutBook". They got into a huge argument and Pinkie huffed out of her house, slamming the door behind her. Rarity Felt horrible about what she said and let pinkie calm down for a day before she tried going over to her bakery, But when she knocked on the door Mrs. Cake answered, saying that Pinkie Pie didn't want any visitors. To hear about Pinkie was a great relief to her and read the rest of Spikes Message. Spike: Hey Rarity! I finally got Pinkie to make a HorseBook! Her name is Ponky Pie and she would probably love it if you could give her a message! I know the last time you guys talked wasn't the best... but maybe this could be your chance to mend the broken bridge! Also, what did you think of my last Fic? She smiled, and immediately replied Rarity: Really!? Thank you so much Spike! I'll let the others know right now! And your fic was very interesting, I never considered the biology of a dragon to be so...Complex! It was absolutely FABULOUS! I will email you the revised version tonight, nothing big this time, just some grammatical errors and run on sentences! I'll message Pinkie right now! By the way...."Ponky"? was that your decision by chance lol? Spike: Guilty as charged, lol, still need me over at the boutique? Rarity: Yes please! I need some fabric stored upstairs! Thank you again BDFF! Spike: hahahah no problem BPFF! I'll be there at 6, see you then! Rarity put her phone on sleep mode and undid the towel around her hair, revealing the perfect purple curls. She had sufficiently dried off and began to walk down the stairs from her bedroom to the main boutique area, her dressed had been arranged on the model dummies neatly and her sewing machine kept clean and in perfect order. Spike was such a good helper! and the "Best Dragon Friend Forever" a pony could ask for! She knew Spike had a crush on her for awhile, but at some point along the road he had stopped making advances, she was sure since he was not longer infatuated he would now abandon her in the boutique, but much to the contrary he had become one of the best friends in her life and the best writer she had the pleasure of knowing! She offered to pay him for his work, and spike agreed, 3 bits and hour would be enough, She said she would pay more, but he refused adamantly saying "One friend to another". That saying sort of became the unsaid glue that bonded their connection together. She looked at the clock and it read "5:15" Spike would be in in forty five minutes. With nothing else to do she sat down in her chair next to the sewing machine and began working on her latest dress. A few moments passed and she picked up her phone from sleep mode and sent Pinkie a friend request. He was nervous; Would she accept? Would she accept Rarity's apology? Would She in turn apologize?. The possibilities made rarity nervous, but almost as she sent the request was it accepted and a message came through. "How about dinner at my place?" She was wide eyed and smiled sweetly, typing out her response. "Of course!" Author's Note Sorry for not updating yesterday, got really caught up helping my grandparents clean up 5 gallons of white paint off a dark green tile floor. Enjoy my lovely's! - Jibbles
