Hello Shiny

by CrackedInkWell

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Alternate Universe, Romance, Sex, Comedy, King Sombra, Shining Armor, Slice of Life
Length: 4220

A couple of hours before a peace summit in the Crystal Empire, Shining comes across the very last pony that wants nothing more then to seduce him.

Shining Armor and his wife prepare for one of the most important (albeit stressful) nights on the Empire's calendar. Both of them have planed out every detail to make sure that this annul peace summit goes to according to plan. Because that every single tiny microscopic little thing has to be thought out, it, of course, leaves them some degree of stress and worry.

Especially for the prince as after his wife asked him to go into their bedroom to fetch her dress, he finds somepony on that bed. Not only does that said pony is there in hopes of seducing him, but it is the last pony on the planet that he's expecting.

A major thank you to the funny and gracious TheVClaw who proofread this and to whom I dedicate this story to.

Published 2018-03-15 06:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-03-15 06:20:07 UTC

I've Been Expecting You

For Shining Armor, there are plenty of things to be stressed about. Especially for tonight when he and his wife are expected to host an annual peace summit in the palace. He knew precisely what is expected of him and Cadence: to give these leaders and visiting dataries from across the globe a warm welcome to their city-state. At this glorified dinner party, absolutely no detail could be afforded to be overlooked. From the invitations that were sent to the ingredients of the food, from the hoofcrafted speeches to the very clothing they’ll wear, it was all orchestrated in a way to make sure that every little thing will go smoothly as possible.

So it is no surprise that security was also considered with care given the occasion. Guards had to go above and beyond to make absolutely sure that no threat would give those visiting a hint to panic over. Because for something like this occasion, a calm, tranquil atmosphere is critical for the sake of peace among visiting nations.

It was only mere hours before that the Prince was looking at his signature red uniform, all the while going through his mental checklist. ‘Tables for unexpected guests have been set up. Food is all prepared for and the barrels of brandy are waiting in the cellar… let’s see, what else…?’ in the mirror, he adjusted his navel blue, silk sash. ‘Guards had their armor polished and themselves. Sunburst is foalsitting Flurry… I really hope that she doesn’t use him for Whammy by the time we get back. If that does happen I should give him a raise just for tonight. What else am I forgetting?’

From the reflection, he saw the door to their royal apartment open in which his wife stepped through. “Okay, I think we’re just about ready to go.” She said as she went up to her husband. “Looking good hon.”

“Thanks for the second opinion,” he replied, giving her a quick kiss as soon as she was near enough. “I’m hoping that this will go well.”

“I know that you hate this,” his wife patted him on the back. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I could hear Twily screaming Murphy's Law into my head that something is bound to go wrong. Despite how much we try to prepare for whatever might throw at us.”

Cadence had him sit on his hunches while she stroked his back. “Shiny, I know that in the past we had a few close calls, but we’ve learned from our mistakes and adapted. I made sure that the kitchens have tripled-checked for allergies, the invites were sent to the right places, the seating has been arranged, and had ambassadors go over each speech to make sure there’s not an offensive word in it. Just relax a little. I think this time we’ll go through tonight without a hiccup.”

“Well I’m trying to remain calm,” the Prince replied. “After all, it’s the best I can do.” He looked into the mirror before turning to his Princess. “However, you haven’t changed yet.”

“I know. Which is why I’m going to get started… Hold still for a second,” she lit her horn to fix a stray hair on her spouse’s head. “Much better.” As she began to move, her face twisted in discomfort. Her husband asked if she was alright. “Yes, I just need to take these off.” She stepped out of her golden boots before she headed towards the loveseat. “I’ve been standing all day and my hooves are a little sore. Shiny, could you go to our room and get me my dress? I’ll put it on soon enough, but right now my hooves are killing me.”

Her husband said that he would. As he walked calmly over to the double doors at the end of a hallway, Shining’s mind was anything but. ‘Don’t jump to conclusions now. Her hooves are just tied from standing too long. Just breathe. Keep calm. Don’t sweat it. This is no time to panic and all of those don’t freak out over anything cliché’s. She’s right, we’re prepared for this. I can say ‘what could possibly go wrong,’ but I won’t because that’s just tempting fate... Oh, listen to yourself! Of course, you can. It’s not like you’re in a story in which the moment you do say it something over-the-top will happen to throw a wrench into your plans.’

“Yeah,” he nodded as he lit his horn to open one of the double doors and turned on the lights. “What could possibly go…” the words of tempting fate had died upon his lips as his eyes gone wide at the very sight of what was on the king-size bed. If anything, if somepony told him before hoof of what was in the bedroom, he would probably laugh uncontrollably with a few good-hearted snorts to go along with it. Then he would have that pony’s head examined by a psychiatrist to see if the one who told such a thing to see if they’ve cracked for good measure.

For there on the embroiled bed covers was something that Shining thought he would never see. Even in his weirded wet dreams that old Freud would say that he has issues couldn’t consider. On the bed was a pony. One whose all four legs were wrapped in red, laced stockings with matching panties that left little to the imagination. If that wasn’t off-putting enough, this pony was… obviously, a stallion that had a single rose in his teeth while in a compromising position. But above all else, the very pony that was scantily dressed was none other than the dark unicorn Sombra.

“Hello Shiny,” he purred in that deep, rich voice of his.

It was rare to find the former Royal Guard for Canterlot Castle frozen in shock.

“Do come in,” Sombra took out the flower and waved a beckoning hoof at him. “Don’t keep me waiting.” When the white unicorn didn’t respond, the ex-king rolled his eyes as he lit up his horn to drag him into the bedroom like a petrified statue, closing the door behind him.

However, Shining was able to snap out of it and quickly lit up his horn. “What in the flaming pits of Tartarus are you doing here!?” he demanded.

A pained expression graced the former tyrant’s face as he lifted a laced hoof to his withers. “Why Shiny, I’m hurt. Here I took every risk just to get past and knock out a few of your guards to see you. I thought you would be flattered by it.”

The prince’s horn still glowed brightly, “How did you get back?”

“Sheer willpower,” he blinked slowly, giving Shining bedroom eyes that iced his nervous system. “Just for the thought of seeing you once again.”

One moment of extreme, uncomfortable silence later, the prince questioned, “Where’s your army?”

Now it was Sombra’s turn to be confused, “Army?”

“It’s pretty obvious that this is some trick to take back the empire.” He narrowed his eyes. “Where is your army?”

“You’re kidding me, right? I don’t have one, and neither is my top priority involving taking back this kingdom.”

“Uh…” Shining blinked. He did hear it, but it was taking a while to process what was said. “What?”

“I… how do you say? Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a bloody pike in my eye, swear to you that I am telling the truth on this.” Sombra shifted in which he stretched his hind hooves, leaving the Prince uncomfortable. “I didn’t come all this way for this second-rate kingdom. If I bothered to take over anything, it’d be someplace with a little more influence like say… Canterlot or something. I can assure you, I am unarmed. Without aid. All I want, quite simply, is you.”

Another awkward pause.

“So… are you trying to seduce me or something? In fact, where did you get the lace from anyway?”

“I stole it.”

Shining raised an eyebrow, “Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious? To highlight my physique.” He looked down at his hoof, “Personally, I find this being underdressed, but if that piece of literature says that is how you want to capture your special somepony’s eye… might as well.”

“Wait, back up.” The prince rubbed the side of his head as he could feel a headache coming on. “You basically came back from the dead, somehow snuck through security without anyone noticing you, broke into our home-”

“Technically this was mine-”

“Point being,” Shining interrupted. “You broke into our bedroom, put on… that, so you can seduce somepony?”

“Well, just you.”

“Eh…” the white unicorn blinked… And blinked again. Although what he heard just clicked in his head, it was still too unbelievable to take in. “What?”

“If there’s anypony in this backward country that I’ve bothered coming all this way for, I did it all for you.”

Another uncomfortable silence, “You’re trying to seduce… me?”

The dark unicorn smirked, “Is it working?”

“No!”

“Huh…” the ex-tyrant lit his horn and levitated what appeared to be a worn-out magazine. He looked through the pages of Cosmare as he searched for a particular section. “How to get the stallion of your dreams in ten easy steps indeed.” He muttered before disregarding the magazine. After some thoughtful taps on his chin, Sombra suggested, “What if I go for the old school of romance to foalnapped you and have you developed Stock-hoof syndrome, would that help?”

Shining answered by summoning his magic to trap the king in a bubble. “Sombra, by the power in me on behalf of the Crystal Empire, I’m placing you under arrest for torture; killing the previous monarch that preceded you-”

“Pot, meet kettle,” Sombra deadpanned.

“Along with slavery; using dark, forbidden magic; organized rape during your rule; and now trespassing on government land; breaking and entering; stealing private property to your list of crimes.”

The dark unicorn blinked, “Well… crimes is such a strong word.”

“Point being!” Shining shouted, “You sir are going to be locked away for a very, very a long time. By the time I get through with you, we’ll have you put in a cell so tight that it will take an earthquake to get you out.”

“Wait, before you do so,” Sombra pointed at the bed. “Look under the pillow over there.”

“…. Why?”

“A present for you. To show that I am serious with my intentions.”

While still keeping his eye on him, Shining walked over to the bed in which he cautiously lifted the row of pillows, half expected to find a trap. However, what he found was a single piece of plastic with a thin piece of white cardboard inside. Curious, he flipped it over to see that not only was it a comic book that was safely inside the plastic holding, but it was also one that made his jaw drop. On the cover in an old, hoof drawn style, was Supercolt lifting a heavy wooden cart over his head while three ponies nearby flee from it. And the cover of that comic says, “Action Comics issue number one! Where and how did you get this?”

“That depends, do you want the clean, inspirational ‘I worked really hard day and night as a dishcolt,’ version or the ‘prostituting myself where I caught fifteen different diseases, did a hoofful of questionable pornos and get it off the black market’ version?”

Shining stared at him, “You what?”

“Don’t worry,” he waved it off. “I’m immortal, me getting one of those fancy sexual diseases is like a cold to me.”

“Uh…” he looked at the comic. “Now putting all that aside, what made you get this?”

“Your copy was destroyed.”

Shining now held the bubble so that he and the ex-slave driver were face to face. “And how exactly did you know that?”

Sombra’s gaze drifted away from his, “I just… do.”

“How? The only ones who should know that is me and my sister. How can you…” he trailed off as he realized, “Were you spying on me this whole time!?”

“I was thinking along the lines of outright stalking…”

The prince narrowed his eyes, “Now I can add that to the list! What other things have you found out about me?”

“Let’s see…” he hummed in thought. “I know that you have chocolate pudding on Thursdays. Your favorite song is 'Razzle Dazzle' from that insane singer. You tend to be covered in mashed peas in around noon. Oh, and you have a secret set of illustrated short stories with a funny name… Yow-wee, I think?”

Shining’s face glowed bright red. “First of all, it’s pronounced yaoi. Secondly, how did you get past the lock?”

Sombra rolled his eyes, “Wherever there is darkness or shadow, there I can be. After all, in the kingdom of doors, the one that can pick all the locks is king. Besides, seeing all those illustrations did give me hope.”

“Well don’t get too optimistic,” the prince grumbled. “You are going straight to…” before he could take the tyrant out of the room with him. He stopped as he realized something. Even though his duty is to take this unicorn into custody, he couldn’t because partly his wife is still in the living room. And knowing how stressed his wife must be, along with the fact that if so much as a servant spots Sombra, it would threaten to send the entire Peace Summit into a panic. Not only that, but he also knew that teleportation isn’t an option because he could only do that at short distances. So it would be incredibly risky to take him anywhere without getting spotted.

“Taking me… where, Shining?” Sombra smirked, “Is there a complication that you’ve just realized?”

“.... You planned this, didn’t you?”

“I may be a king that has lost his kingdom, mia amore, but I’m by no means a fool.”

“Says the guy that got seduction advice from a magazine.”

“Shining?” his ears picked up as he heard his wife’s voice and her hoofsteps coming towards the double doors. “Did you find my dress?”

Thinking quickly, the uniformed prince used his magic to open a nightstand drawer to pull out hoofcuffs and an anti-magic ring to quickly put on Sombra before dropping his shield. The dark unicorn however still hadn’t dropped his smirk. “Hoofcuffs in the bedroom? I didn’t take you for the kinky type.”

“Shut up,” Shining opened up the closet and tossed him in.

“Really?” the ex-king commented, “You’re putting me back in the closet? Do you have any idea how cliché this is?”

“Stay in there and don’t you dare make a sound.” He said as he closed the door just in time as his wife opened the double doors.

“I didn’t think it would take this long to find the…” Cadence began but trailed off as she looked around the room. “Huh. That’s odd, where’s the dress?” Her spouse asked what she meant by that. “I could have sworn I had it splayed out on the bed since this morning. Did somepony move it?”

“Can’t say,” Shining lied. “I’ve been looking for and I can’t seem to find it anywhere. Do you think that somepony might have misplaced it?”

“That seems rather unlikely, given the quality of our… oh, wait,” the pink alicorn sighed as she facehoofed. “I forgot.”

“What?”

“We have a new maid we got recently so that might be it. She probably didn’t get the message of leaving the dress alone and put it somewhere.” Cadence used her horn to start opening her dresser drawers and examine each one. “Shining, could you check the closet since you’re over there.”

He told her that he would, and opened it slightly enough for him to stick his head in. Of course, the very first thing he saw was Sombra’s that was within kissing distance. “Where is it?” Shining questioned as quietly as he could.

“What?” the ex-king smirked.

“Where’s my wife’s dress for tonight!?”

“It’s right behind me. I hung it up when I came in. Of course, you’re going to have to get by me since I’m a little tied up at the moment. Then again, you can always come in here to play seven minutes in heaven with me.”

“What the…” they heard Cadence say. “Now my stockings and a pair of panties are missing.”

Shining temporarily looked over to her as he grew a meager blush, “W-What do you mean?”

She moved around some clothes with her aura. “The red laced ones? They’re not in here for some reason. And they looked like someone’s gone through them! Not bothering to fold them.”

The white prince returned his head into the closet with a deadpan expression, “Really?!”

“Well I had to get these somewhere,” Sombra looked down at the lace. “Besides, white, pink or black never really suits me. That aside, aren’t you going to come in here to get something?”

Shining had his horn shown a little brighter but couldn’t see the dress. “Is it really in here?”

“Did you find it?” Cadence asked.

“Uh…” the prince looked between the two ponies. “Give me a sec,” then he turned to the dark unicorn. “No tricks.”

“Can’t,” Sombra looked up at the anti-magic ring on his head. “Even if I wanted to. But come in, there’s plenty of fun when you’re in the closet.”

Shining had to force himself to withhold a groan as he entered the closet but kept his horn illuminated as he began searching through the hung-up clothing. “Why are you trying to seduce me anyway?” he asked as he moved one coat hanger at a time. “I would have thought that you might have pulled something like this on my wife.”

Sombra raised an eyebrow. “And why would I do that? Sure, she’s pretty. But not exactly the type that I want to clop to. Her flank is too small anyway.” His eyes trailed downward, “Unlike say… yours.”

Shining snapped his head over to him, “So you’re basically stalking me over my butt?”

He shrugged, “There’s that. Oh don’t look at me like that, I bet this isn’t the first time that someone other than a mare gives a compliment to your hindquarters. I mean, it’s just about as perfect as my own. However, I’m getting off topic. Let’s just say that the more I learn about who was it that overthrew me, the more intrigued I got. The more I researched, the more charming I found you as. Over the years, I watched you from afar that… well, I found my admiration to grow up to this point.”

The prince groaned, “Please don’t tell me that you were in the same room when Cade and I have sex.”

“Hmm…”

“Oh Celestia…” he groaned. “Don’t tell me you’ve-”

“I can’t help it when I’m practically there in the dark. Part of me does get jealous when it’s her that’s getting it, while the other wonders if her bones are made of iron to withstand all of that pounding.”

A flash of anger ignited Shining’s face, “And now I can add peeping tom to the list! I’m going to make sure you’re locked up in a padded cell forever you pervert.”

Where he expected for the ex-tyrant to be at least intimidated, instead, Sombra sighed happily. “You know you’re actually adorable when you get mad.”

“Shining?” both stallions heard a knock on the door. “Any luck in there?”

“H-Hold on a sec dear,” the Prince picked up the pace of his search. “I’m just over halfway.”

A tense silence as the white unicorn continued to look for her dress. Then he heard his wife sighed from the other side of the door, “Shining, it’s okay. You can come out of the closet now.”

“Not yet, I haven’t found your-”

“I’m not talking about that,” she said. “Sombra, you too.”

The prince’s blood turned arctic cold when he heard these words. Not because he realized right there and then that she knew about the ex-tyrant of the Crystal Empire being here, but also confusion as well. He cracked open the door to see her mercy filled eyes staring back at him.

“You knew that he’s-”

“Hear me out before you get upset,” she told him as she pushed the door open so that both stallions were now in the light. “Full disclosure here: I came to him about this. After all, it’s not that hard finding him when he goes by the name: ‘Hard Throbbing Black Crystal’ in the porn industry. And before you ask, the answer is no, I’m not brainwashed, a clone, a hologram, a spell from his, nor am I from an alternate dimension. He’s not here to take over nor enslaving the whole population. Trust me, I ran every lie detecting test in the book, including Twilie’s. He’s only here because he does want to be near you.”

Shining raised an eyebrow, “And you didn’t bother to tell me that he’s here because…?”

“Probably for the exact reason why you probably tossed him in the closet tonight. I didn’t want to stress you out more than how you’re already are. That, and for my other reasons.”

“That being?”

She sighed, “I’m not going to sugar coat this. Shining, I know about your yaoi collection. All one hundred and ninety-three of them.” Now her husband had gone from angry to pale in half a second. She placed a hoof on his cheek. “And before you say anything, I’m not mad at you. I get that this is a personal thing, but at the same time, given the dates that are in that collection, I am rather disappointed that you didn’t tell me before we got married.”

“Cade, I-I,” Shining was about to say something – anything – to give an excuse of some kind, but her hoof was placed over her lips.

“Which is the second reason why he’s here. To help you come out and accept who you are. Grant it, his past is… diabolical. Don’t you think that he might have shown signs of change that instead of perusing the throne or the crown that he wants you instead?”

“That’s hard to say since I just met him,” the Prince deadpanned.

“But trust me on this, I have seen it myself that he’s not doing this as a trick nor ploy to get the Empire back. Besides, I reinsured it.”

Shining tilted his head, “How?”

“Shock spell,” Cadence smirked. “Every time he has a desire for empire or global domination, it sends a strong shock through him.”

“It’s like getting hit by lightning,” Sombra complained. “Sure I can’t exactly die, but it hurts like Tartarus. Besides, all that stuff about not caring for taking over again. That was the honest truth.”

“And there’s one other thing,” Cadence adds. “We both know that this summit is the most stressful day of the year and while I’m used to the pressure, you on the other hoof tend to get into a paranoid wreck before we could greet them. So in a way, having Sombra here provides the perfect way to help you unwind by letting you indulge in the sort of things your secret stash could only illustrate about.” She then kissed him. “Besides, we are about two hours early.”

“But Cade-” Shining was about to object when his wife added.

“In fact, as your Princess, I’m giving you an order to have sex with him.” She smirked, “But do be at the banquet hall by six o’clock. I want you de-stressed as much as possible. Oh, and before I go,” she lit her horn to levitate the black dress that she was meant to wear off the coat hanger. “I’ll be taking this,” with one last kiss on her stunned husband’s lips, she told him to “Have fun boys,” before leaving the room. Closing the double doors behind her.

Sombra craned his neck underneath the prince’s chin. “Well, you heard it directly from her,” he said with a satisfied smile. “Your princess has given you an order, Captain. Now that you’ve gotten me tied up, what are you going to do to me?”

Shining, however, was still stunned. “Is this really happening?”

“That I try to use my seductive charms that were given permission from your wife? Why yes little prince. Yes, it is. So by all means,” he nibbled at his neck. “Partake in your forbidden fruit~ Go ahead. I won’t bite. Only moan.”

“Not so subtle, are ya?”

He shrugged, “Maybe not, but I being in these bonds, I can only hope that you might want to recreate a scene from one of your not so secret comics of yours. Which one was it again? Oh yes,” Sombra sat up as he whispered his hot breath into his ear. “The one with the Headmaster of a school gets tied up on his desk while a naughty, sexy student plows him over and over? With the older but all so firm stallion was wearing the undergarments that I have right now?”

Even though he carried a frozen look of sternness on his face, it was also heavily blushed as Shining lit up his horn to lift Sombra off the ground. “You. Me. Bed. Now.”