Insecurity

by MellowSoul

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character, Slice of Life
Length: 1983

Harmonic always felt uncomfortable about his relationship with Atmospheric. It's time to put those fears to rest.

Having been married to Atmospheric for five years, there are two things Harmonic has yet to accomplish; admitting his continued sexual desire for his wife and telling his children about their personal histories. Understanding that he needs to be completely honest with himself and his family, he braces himself to be fully open and vulnerable for the first time since he was born.

Published 2018-03-17 19:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-03-17 19:30:07 UTC

Intimacy

Life has continued on as normally as possible for Harmonic and his family. The kids would be in kindergarten soon, leaving him and Atmospheric to their own devices for a few hours every weekday. When the prospect of being alone with his other half came into his mind, an extreme and unrelenting feeling of discomfort settled in. He was always extremely emotionally invested in her as she was with him, and they made gentle lip contact on numerous occasions, but there was something deeply ingrained into him that he never told anyone; he grew up hating and resenting his own sexuality. This active suppression was still deeply connected to his being, and it had no intention of leaving him. To this day, it was still something he was afraid to come clean about. What was he supposed to say? That he hated empty sex? That his idea of a healthy relationship in general was so vastly limited that he was afraid to be close to someone in that way? Then, the thought occurred to him.

"That's the truth, though. So, why am I afraid to say it? Will it hurt her feelings? Will she believe I think we're in an unhealthy relationship? Will she think I'm stupid?"

He reflected on that last part. His own intelligence was something else he'd always thought about. He often struggled with math and had no real education. All of his life was spent learning from some of the ponies he came across and developing street smarts. Maybe he wasn't exactly mentally stunted, but he was by no means a genius. The way he went between personal and analytical thoughts was something else that terrified him because of how erratic it was. The things that had nearly driven him into the ground in his late teens never really left him. They haunted him, day in and day out. Fortunately, for his sake, Atmospheric was very astute. She knew, manes in their eyes or not, when her husband was going to that dark place, and she knew how to bring him back.

"Honey, are you alright?"

Harmonic looked at his wife, who was standing in front of him in their quiet, secluded home. He recognized her tone. It was the same one she used the day of their first kiss during Hearth's Warming before they conceived Melodic Death and Hard Core. That angelic call eased his tired mind. parting his mane and putting it behind his ears, he revealed the two crevices containing the deep, dark blue of the ocean. After five years of marriage, it was time for the truth to come out. He shook his head.

"Not yet."

"What's wrong?"

"It's not a good time to talk now. Can I meet you outside tonight when the kids are asleep?"

Atmospheric removed her mane from her eyes as well. She saw the sad stare she had long ago become accustomed to.

"Alright."

"Hey, Daddy," Melodic Death asked her father.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"Can we go to the arcade, today?"

"I don't know. What do you think, Mommy?"

"Let's go fetch your brother," Atmospheric responded to her young daughter.

"Yay!"

When night encompassed the town and their children were tucked in, Harmonic and Atmospheric went downstairs.

"They had a lot of fun today."

"I almost couldn't keep up with them."

"Me either."

"So what was it you wanted to talk about earlier today?"

Harmonic let out a nervous sigh.

"Can we go out? I need the rain to calm me down."

"Sure."

They exited the door of their house and closed it behind them. Harmonic put his hood up as they did so.

"What's the matter?"

Harmonic sighed again, feeling even more shaky than before.

"Ever since I proposed to you, I've had these feelings that I don't really...Understand."

"What kind of feelings?"

"You know..."

Harmonic slightly tilted his head towards the ground, indicating a certain area of his body.

"Oh! You mean..."

"Yeah."

"You were embarrassed, right?"

"Yeah. I wanted to tell you why I didn't say anything."

"I know why. It's something you were uncomfortable with, right?"

"I never explained why."

Now that Atmospheric thought about it, he was right. She never tried to dig into that reasoning. Truth be told, she was a little embarrassed herself, but to a far lesser extent.

"Why," she asked.

"I grew up hating sexuality in general for no real reason. I was ashamed of it when something like that crossed my mind. It just felt wrong somehow, especially on a personal level."

"It's just a biomechanical instinct. There's nothing particularly harmful about it."

"That's it, though. It's driven by instinct; not by reason. Experiencing something so far out of my control is scary. It always has been."

"I disagree."

"Hm?"

"Remember? We made love the day we got engaged. That was driven by nothing but reason; reason and compassion. Now we have the two greatest things that ever happened to us."

"You're...You're right! How could I have been so dense!?"

Atmospheric kissed her husband and held him close.

"You're not dense. Something instinct and emotion share is they both can overpower reason from time to time. I wouldn't be surprised if you had some kind of anxiety disorder the doctor failed to diagnose."

"You think?"

"I don't know. What I do know is, you've done an amazing job at living in spite of the problems you have."

"I didn't do it alone."

Atmospheric moved her mane again so she could look him in the eyes.

"I'm glad you told me what was going on."

"I feel better just having someone to talk about it with."

"Was there a reason you wanted to tell me now?"

"Not particularly. Why?"

"Are you wanting to make love to me again?"

Harmonic nodded.

"Yeah."

"Then here."

Atmospheric took her husband's hoof and placed it over her zipper hoodie.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"I trust you."

Harmonic began unzipping the hoodie and removed it.

"You're already getting drenched."

Atmospheric smiled at Harmonic's attempt to lighten the situation. In an unexpected move, Harmonic removed his own hoodie and placed it around her. It made her feel safe in her own way; like Harmonic's demons had stopped attacking him for the moment and were focused on protecting her at all costs.

"You're beautiful," Harmonic complimented his wife.

"You're not half bad looking yourself. I'd even say you've gotten more handsome with age."

Harmonic kissed her gently and tenderly while wrapping his forelegs around her. They lied down together on the ground and connected at the waist.

"Am I hurting you?"

"Don't worry. I'll be alright in a minute."

"If it's hurting, I'll stop."

"It's okay. I want this."

"Let me know if you want to stop at any point, okay?"

"I will."

Harmonic gently tracked his hoof down the side of Atmospheric's face.

"I'll take care of you and the kids; no matter what. I promise."

"I know. I love you."

"I love you too."

Their mouths came into contact again. Somehow, it was even more gentle and comforting than before. On that cold, rainy night, the two guardians who swore to protect everything that was precious to them melded into one for the second time.

Hope

There comes a point in many children's lives when they become curious about the romantic ties between their parents. It's part of their natural curiosity to understand as much of the world as they possibly can. With Harmonic's and Atmospheric's children, this impulse was no different. It started out as a simple morning during breakfast. The menu was eggs, wheat toast, and orange juice. The family was sitting around the table and enjoying themselves to the fullest extent possible. After a few minutes of laughing and joking, the question inevitably was asked.

"Daddy," Harmonic's daughter called.

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"How did you and mommy fall in love?"

Crickets. That was all that could be heard for miles. Harmonic wasn't expecting to be asked this very question by anyone, though looking back, he probably should have been. He came to his senses after a moment and started explaining to the best of his ability.

"Well, mommy saved daddy a long time ago. Daddy was going through a bit of a hard time."

"What happened?"

"I'll tell you when you're a little bit older, but I want you to remember three words. Can you do that for me?"

"Okay."

"Trust, hope, and faith. That's why mommy and daddy love each other."

"Mommy," their son asked his mother, "do you think I'll ever have something like you and daddy?"

Atmospheric placed her hoof over her heart with an expression of calm joy.

"Yes. I do. It'll take some time, but if you really care, you'll find it."

"Mommy's right," Harmonic confirmed, "We didn't fall in love until we were in our mid-20s. You're only five right now. Just be a kid. Have fun and learn everything you can. If you want to find love, learn how. Read about it in books. Watch different types of romance movies. Watch couples in public from time to time and see how these things work. Think about what you want and how you can make yourself better. Learning will help you understand how to build better relationships. These are things you can do while you're growing up. By the time you're ready to be in a relationship, you'll know more than we did."

"Really?"

"That's how I see it."

"Right now, just focus on learning," Atmospheric advised Hard Core, "Learn in school and life. You can do anything you set your mind to as long as you keep learning and use what you learn."

"I will."

"I think you'll grow up to be like your daddy; brave and caring."

"What about me, mommy," melodic asked

"I don't know. Who do you think you'll grow up to be like?"

"I think you'll grow up to be like your mommy," Harmonic chimed in, "really smart and kind."

"Wow!"

Harmonic and Atmospheric looked each other in the eyes. The deep spiritual connection between them was so intense, you could almost witness it. Melodic and Hard Core started giggling. Their parents noticed this.

"Come on, you little boogers," Harmonic said, "Let's get some sun for a bit, huh?"

"Okay, daddy," Melodic and Hard Core replied simultaneously. Both children exited the house.

"That was really sweet," Atmospheric stated.

"Yeah. It actually went better than I expected."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't think they'd ask about me and you, honestly."

"It's kind of hard not to with the amount of affection we display."

"I guess so. I meant what I said, though. You kept me sane during my darkest hours, and I'll never forget that."

"I know you did."

"There's something serious I want to tell you, though."

"What is it?"

"If, for some reason, what we have doesn't last forever, I think it'll still turn out okay. What I told Hard Core about learning was from personal experience. You taught me how to cope with trauma and tragedy, and I took it to heart in every aspect of my existence."

"Do you think it'll fall apart?"

"I can't say. If it does though, I just want to make sure the kids aren't too upset."

"As long as they still see both of us, I think they'll be fine."

"I think you're right."

"I'll fight to the end to keep us all together."

"So will I."

The married couple gripped each other in a tight hug. It was decided between them to maintain hope for a decent future, regardless of how it turned out. Failure or success, death was on its way, one step at a time. All that was left was to fight for the best life possible.

"Come on. Let's go play with them for a bit."

Atmospheric nodded.

"Yeah."