Behind the Bleeding Veil

The dorm room was pretty basic but well kept. It had two windows (30cm wide by 130cm tall) side by side with about 90cm in between, trimmed in dark stained oak. The walls were an off white and it had a drop ceiling. A radiator ran beneath the windows. The furnishings were two beds, set diagonally across from one another with a night stand to one side and a wardrobe to the other; each arranged as a mirror to the other. On each side of the door was a study table with a work light on each. Towards the back, on the left hand side as you entered the room (the side which would be Regina's) was a white, frame and panel door with the same trim as that which encased the windows. Behind that was a small bathroom consisting of a toilet and sink (it would be a bit much to call it a vanity) with a mirror behind it. All in all it gave the air of a discount motel room - small, no frills, a bit dated (although, oddly enough, not to any single era), yet clean and comfortable enough.

Fluttershy watched as her new roommate brought two suitcases in, placed them on her bed, open them up, and begin to unpack. The larger of the two contained six dresses, all white. All looked to be of the same make as the floral monstrosity she had on now, just completely devoid of all color. These she hung up in her wardrobe. At the bottom of the wardrobe were three drawers. In the bottom she put in two white night gowns. Each made exactly the same with heavy, course fabric which looked to be almost like a thick felt, the type you would by in sheets at a craft store. In the middle she put six pairs of socks.

After she had finished with that, she turned to Fluttershy with an embarrassed smile on her face and asked, "Uh, Faustine, would you mind looking away or closing your eyes? I have to unpack my, um, well, you know, under garments," in a tight, somewhat, squeaky voice.

"You're kidding right?" Fluttershy asked in deadpan voice.

Regina blushed even more and turned her head so she could look down at her bed. "No. No I'm not. Those things shouldn't be seen by other people. It's, you know, private."

Fluttershy laughed in a way that was both mocking yet still sincere. "You know I'm a girl too right? I wear the same things you do. It's no big deal."

The laughing made Regina feel small, stupid, and defensive. She snapped back as much as her temperament would allow her. "Why do you want to see that stuff anyway?"

"Um, I don't. If I thought you had anything cute, I might want to buy for myself, sure; but judging from what you just unpacked, I kind of doubt you do. I just refuse to close my eyes or leave my room because you got your bloomers to unpack." Fluttershy's tone was mocking yet still light. She wanted to tease the girl but didn't want to really insult her.

She stopped and looked at Regina and thought she looked like she was on the verge of tears. She quickly felt sympathy for the girl. More than that, she felt empathy. In a much quieter and softer voice she said, "Listen, it really isn't a big deal. We have a laundromat in the basement and you see people doing their laundry all the time. It's no big thing to see someone else putting in, taking out, our folding their underwear. Not only that, this dorm has communal showers, so you're going to see more than just bras and panties. I have my book here. I'll be reading it, I won't see anything. I promise."

Regina quickly turned to look at Fluttershy in horror. "Y-y-y-ou really have group showers here?"

"Well, yeah. You go in, pick a locker, put your stuff in there, go in to the shower room, and shower. They're all individual stalls with locking doors. It's not like you'll be in one big room surrounded by a bunch of other naked girls. And you don't have to worry about anything happening. It's not like those cheap grade D prison movies were a bunch of bull dykes are just waiting to jump you." Fluttershy finished with a laugh to show she was joking (although she could tell by Regina's blank expression she didn't get it).

Regina slowly looked back down again and gave a mournful sigh. "Oh my, this is a far different world. It will take much to get used to I suppose. A lot of getting used to."

Fluttershy picked up her book and put it in front of her face. "Ok, you're safe," she said in a nice, friendly way. She could hear Regina undo her other suitcase. In just sheer curiosity she dropped her book a little to see what Regina actually had. Both her bras and underpants (there was no way you could refer to them as panties) looked like a puritans idea of what women's underwear should look like. The bras were big and bulky looking. It reminded Fluttershy of something out of the fifties, but even less sexy. As for the underpants, to call them granny panties would have been kind to them and insulting to actual granny panties. She quickly brought the book back up in when she thought Regina was about to look over again.

"Ok, I'm done," she said in a voice both relieved to be done yet still embarrassed from earlier.

Fluttershy put down her book and just looked at Regina. She felt extremely sorry for this girl. Whatever her parents might have been thinking in sending her here, they surely never planned on the impact it would have.

"I know you looked by the way," Regina said in a voice that was hard to tell if she was disappointed or annoyed or fully mad. It was possible it was all three. "It's, it's ok. I know I'm in the fallen world now and there are somethings I just can't avoid no matter how much I want to. I just got to learn to accept those."

"I'm sorry I looked. I was just curious based on what I saw of your previous fashion choices." Fluttershy offered apologetically.

"Well, were they what you thought they'd be?" Regina asked, trying to make it sound like a joke,

"More so," answered Fluttershy with a laugh.

Regina smiled a little bit. She could tell that Fluttershy wasn't being mean (well not intentionally). She had been warned that those in the fallen world would make fun of and ridicule each other, especially if they liked one another for some bizarre reason. She felt Fluttershy was, in her mind, being friendly. It made her feel accepted.

"Hey," Fluttershy said in an upbeat, peppy way, "if you want, I can show you some of mine. Fair's fair."

Regina laughed at the obvious joke. "No, I'm good. As you said, I'll probably see them as soon as we do our laundry."

Fluttershy smiled. She was really starting to like this strange girl (beside the fact that she had seen her amulet). This was a part of her that Fluttershy could see that reminded her of herself. She wanted to take this girl under her wing, teach her, guide her.

"I know you had the official campus tour already, but do you want me to give you the real tour?" Fluttershy asked.

"Sure, I would like that," Regina smiled and nodded.

It was getting to be late afternoon, the sun was setting low in the sky but it was still early enough in the post summer solstice that it wasn't too dark yet and could still be considered day. The weather was warm with a nice, soft breeze gently blowing every now and again. All of it combined with the excitement of freshmen starting their college experience and the joy of everyone else knowing that they had one extra week yet before classes officially resumed to give a relaxed, comfortable air to the grounds. It felt more like a low key holiday than anything else.

Fluttershy started her "real tour" with the practical stuff first. She showed her where the showers were and where the laundromat was and what were the best times for going to each. Outside the dorm, she showed her where the co-ed dorms were and the frat houses (and which houses she should avoid like the plague). Next were the sorority houses and what she thought of each one (mostly bad but she also said which ones will give you the most clout on campus). Then it was on to the main hang out where all the food venders were and small study rooms.

"The thing to remember is the food has half the taste at twice the cost," Fluttershy said somewhat jokingly but was also half serious.

As they walked and talked, Fluttershy stopped and pointed to a boy that Regina was immediately struck by. It wasn't that he was overly handsome or ugly (he was attractive but not in a jaw drop type of way), nor was it because of some handicap. It was the fact that Regina couldn't tell what he was. He had light brown skin, his eyes were more almond shaped than the average person of European descent but not as much as someone who was of Asiatic ancestry. His eyes appeared to blue at the distance she was from him, his hair was thick and black with some slight curl to it. In all things his features seemed to be a mixture of all things but never leaning to one specific genealogy.

"That's Ryan. Ryan Armine O'Brian Sanchez to be exact. He's a sophomore and my boyfriend. He doesn't know that yet, but he will soon. Ryan is literally every race there is. I mean perfectly. He traced his family tree back as far as it would go and he found out he's a perfect amalgamation of everyone. He's what we would look like if we just get past all this racism BS and just start making babies with each other."

Regina looked at Fluttershy with some degree of bewilderment. Her tone, the look on her face was not that of someone in love; it didn't even appear to be those of someone in lust (although she couldn't say for sure as she had never seen a lustful look before). No, it struck her as the tone and look of a predator, sizing up it's pry, about ready to pounce. Something within her shuddered but she didn't know why. Maybe it was just her reacting to the open lust and sexuality she had never been exposed to before.

"Well I guess as long as you let him know eventually," Regina replied with a nervous laugh and wished they would just move on (which they did immediately to Regina's relief).

After the tour of campus, Fluttershy walked her to an off campus Pizzeria where she bought them a pepperoni pizza and a two liter of Pepsi to take back for supper.

"I don't get this too often," Fluttershy said somewhere between apologetic and defensive. "I work hard to get and keep my body looking the way it does. Usually I'm at the gym at this time, but I wanted to give you a proper college welcome, sans the alcohol and ruffies that is."

"Well, thank you very much," Regina replied with genuine gratitude but not understanding what the last part of what Fluttershy had said meant. "I've never had pizza or soda before. I look forward to tasting both."

Fluttershy stopped dead and looked at Regina in stunned silence. "Well then girl; you are in for a flavor explosion then." With that said, Fluttershy hurried to get back to their dorm.

When the got back to the dorm, Fluttershy poured some Pepsi out in to two paper cups and they ate the pizza out of the box. Regina was amazed at what she was tasting. At first the pizza had tasted too spicy and burned her tongue, while the soda tasted sickeningly sweet. She didn't know how she was going to get any of this down. Eventually, as she ate and drank more she became pleasantly intrigued then enraptured by what she was ingesting. The flavors were so good, she almost wondered if they were sinful. She decided it was best to ask for forgiveness and guidance in her prayers tonight.

"So, you never had pizza before, really?" Fluttershy asked as she finished chewing.

"No, never," replied Regina after swallowing a mouthful of what she now considered to be mankind's greatest achievement. "Mother cooked all our meals at home."

"Yeah, but, you can make pizza at home," Fluttershy answered back confused.

"Father would stop by once a week with groceries and we ate what he brought," Regina said with a shrug.

"Yeah, about that. Your dad only came by once a week. He didn't stay there - with you and your mom?"

"No, but then, why would he? A man only lies with his wife to produce children. They did, so there was no reason to further sully himself with carnal interactions. I mean, he did what a God fearing father would do; he took care of us. We had a house and clothes and food and the rest." Regina thought it was odd that Fluttershy seemed so confused by how she was raised. Then again, the ways of the Lord often seem strange to the fallen.

"So what; did you grow up in some religious compound or something?" Fluttershy was equally amazed at the sheer lack of awareness to how strange her life had been Regina was.

"No. We had a small house out in the woods. It was a nice place. It had a small stream that ran behind it. I used to love to go down and feed the ducks during the day." Regina smiled at the memories that came to the fore after recounting her love of feeding the ducks. At noon of everyday, she was allowed outside for one hour. It was her time to herself. Her time to play. She remembered how on sunny days she would just lie back with her eyes closed, face toward the sun, and how her eyelids would appear light up orange and she would take in the warmth of the sun.

"So you grew up all alone, your dad only stopping by once a week, homeschooled, and now you're alone and in college because your dad said the apocalypse was nigh and you had to save souls? I did get all that right, right? That is what you're saying?" If it wasn't for all the other worldly and extra-dimensional stuff Fluttershy had dealt with in the past, she might not have believed what she had been hearing.

"Yes. That's exactly it," Regina answered matter of factly with no hint of irony or defensiveness.

"So, how do you know anything about the outside world? What do you even think of it?"

"Well, I had to learn history. Homeschooled or not, that's still a requirement. For the past two years, when Father came to drop off supplies, he would tell me everything going on in the fallen world and what to expect.

"As for what I think, it breaks my heart. I look out there and see girls dressing like harlots, debasing themselves. You're awash in sex and violence. You worship it. You through tons of food out and let houses rot and collapse while people are starving and homeless for pieces of stamped metal and paper. You're all so lost that you don't even know you are lost." Regina was almost in tears as she finished. She was completely broken hearted at recounting all she had learned and saw of the fallen world.

"Well," Fluttershy responded slowly; not knowing what she was actually going to say' "Some of what you said I agree with, some I don't. My sister and I," Fluttershy stopped for a moment to keep from crying at bringing up Rarity. "My adoptive sister and I would have long conversations about how things were and why. She was a fashion designer; or at least wanted to be one eventually. She designed the most beautiful clothes. She always said I was her top model." Fluttershy stopped again. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks. After fighting back the bitter, raging sadness of the loss of Rarity, she continued.

"She often said that women were in a no win situation with their looks because they didn't own their own sexuality. Men did. Men owned their sexuality whole sale. I man could where a three piece suit of a Speedo; it didn't matter. He was in charge of how he looked and the world reacted accordingly. They could like what they saw, dislike, ridicule; but he always owned it, no one challenged him on that.

"We don't own our sexuality though. Our sexuality is corporate. Men own it, hell, other women own it. Everything we wear is up for scrutiny and debate and reflects not only on the individual woman, but womankind in total. Also, since clothing makers only give us two options of clothing to choose from - house frau or street walker, there's not much middle ground we can cover. Although, the very fact that I even think in those terms shows how conditioned I am to the same old sexist stereotypes.

"When I go out, looking like this; invariably someone, heck, usually another woman will come up and say that I'm either owning my feminine power or look like a slut. Well not the hardcore feminist. They usually say I'm sexualizing myself to appease the male gaze. If I go out. If I go out, completely covered, baggy clothes; I get called a slob or that I'm denying my true femininity to appease some outdated morality. Frankly I just want to dress how I like and not be judged one way or the other for it. All the other stuff I actually agree with you on."

There was much Regina wanted to say in reply but decided to save it for another time. She wanted to Save Fluttershy's soul but felt if she pushed too hard at first, she would simply tune her out. She decided it was best to ask about her family instead. "You're adopted?"

Fluttershy nodded. "My mother was an abusive alcoholic. She constantly berated me, my father and older brother. Eventually dad left and he got custody of my brother but not me. After he left, the abuse got worse until I couldn't hide the bruises anymore. She went to jail and went to stay with my best friend's family who later adopted me. Later I asked why, my father that is, why he didn't take me as well. He said he couldn't. The judge said he could take my brother only or neither of us. I got years of emotional and physical abuse and my brother got raped by a pastor unbeknownst to my father and developed a drug problem because of it." It was now Fluttershy who spoke in a matter of fact voice but hers was undergirded with sadness.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It's false sheppards like the monster who violated your brother that hurt the true servants of Christ. At least everything eventually worked out for you," Regina offered sympathetically.

Fluttershy gave Regina a curious yet emotionless look. "No, no it didn't. In high school my boyfriend and several other friends were murdered, I've lost almost all of my friends, including my oldest, my one sister, the one I told you about, died in a car accident earlier this year. She was also the one who suggested I change my name to Felicia. My little sister is paralyzed and catatonic. She needs constant care and my adoptive mother spent two months in a psyche ward because of it. So, no, it didn't work out at all."

Regina bowed her head, in tears herself. "Please forgive me. I didn't know."

Fluttershy reached out and gently touched Regina on the knee. "I know, you couldn't have." Regina looked up and Fluttershy smiled.

"My father, my real father, my biological father; however you want to say it," Fluttershy started talking but it wasn't actually to Regina. It really wasn't to anyone, save maybe the universe itself. She just looked past Regina, off to some horizon only she could see. "He told me how he would visit his grandparents when he was a boy. Country folk. They had dogs that they kept chained up all the time outside; as was the custom for people of that age. He said how when a dog was put on a chain, it would move slowly at first, not even realizing it was chained, still thinking it was free. Eventually id would reach the limit of it's chain and would start to struggle and fight. Eventually it would give up. For the rest of it's life, unless pushed by something, it would never go to the limits of it's chain again. He said he thought it was because that by not pulling it's chain to it's limit, the dog could keep up the illusion it was free.

"The past is like that. We're chained to it. We can run and fight and try to break free, but it's always there, we can never escape it. The harder we try, the harder it snaps us back." She paused for what seemed like minutes but was really only seconds. Then she jumped up, got under her bed, pulled out a small suitcase, said, "Hold on," and went to the bathroom.

Regina sat on the bed in silence. She had no idea what to do. Was She in there hurting herself? Crying? Should she do something? Say something? Regina felt lost, confused, sad, and most importantly, useless. She was paralyzed by indecision and just sat on Fluttershy's bed, waiting to see what would happen next.

Eventually Fluttershy came out, but she had on a different outfit. It was a white tank top with pale, like green skirt with pink stitching with a butterfly on it, and matching pale, light green, knee high, kitten heeled boots.

"This is my chain. I call pedo chic. It's sexy yet juvenile at the same time. It's the only half way girly or sexy thing my mother would ever allow me to wear. Honestly I don't even know why she allowed me to wear this, but she did, so I did, often. It was the only thing I had that made me feel like a girl. Not just a girl, but a sexy girl. It was a costume and a suit of armor at the same time.

"I hate it. I do. I hate it because it reminds of who I was when I was wearing it. I was a small, shy, introverted girl who barely spoke above a whisper. I shunned other people because part of feared them because of what they might do to me and partly because of what they might to my momma. She treated my like shit, yet I still loved and protected her. The only friends I had were animals. I loved animals so much. I originally wanted to be a veterinarian or run an animal shelter.

"Everything I do now, everything I am now is in direct rebellion against this chain, against who I was. And, because of that, I know I am never free. I will never break this chain, but I will die trying."

The two girls just looked at each other not knowing what to say next. The room was heavy and thick with bared, raw emotions. So heavy they thought they might be crushed by them. Regina thought and decided to take a chance. She smile and said with a fake laugh, "I can't ever imagine you being shy or whispering". Fluttershy smiled back. Regina's gamble paid off.

"Oh my, yes," Fluttershy's voice changed dramatically to the point it didn't even seem to be coming from her. It was hushed, a borderline whisper, yet it had a musical quality to it somehow. "And when I got really nervous I would get quieter and quieter while voice became higher and higher pitched to a sounded like a little mouse," as she explained her former speaking patterns, she demonstrated them as she spoke, her last words coming across as little than a bunch of squeaks.

"You really sounded like that?" Regina replied, shocked and amazed.

"Absolutely," Fluttershy responded in her new, natural voice which was deeper, stronger.

"No matter what you may think, you aren't that person anymore. I'm sorry you went through all that that, but you're so much stronger today. If you want, you can change back now. I don't want my roommate to be in chains." Regina's voice was happy and admiring.

Fluttershy walked over to her bed and pulled some clothes out from underneath the covers. "I'm just going to get dressed for bed," she said happily. She went in to the bathroom once more and came out in a grey t-shirt, boxer shorts, no make-up, and her hair tied back in a pony tail.

Regina looked at her and thought even in this state, she's still the most beautiful people I've ever seen. Regina then said she was going to do the same. She went in and changed into her night gown and came back out. The girls continued to talk, eat, and drink for the next four hours before going to bed where Regina had another nightmare. It was in the same field, on the same hill, with the same sky as before, but the cock cross was gone. In it's place was a giant, bleeding vagina. A long, black arm came out of it and beckoned her forward. In a voice that sounded eerily like Fluttersy's, someone said, "This is my blood which is shed for you. Fulfill your destiny and drink".