Everything

3 Years Ago

“Morning officer!” The blue unicorn smiled at the pegasus who called out to her.

“You too!” she responded.

“Hey, you worried about that serial killer that’s been seen around here? They say he targets cops, you know.”

The officer laughed. “Nah. He wants to fight me, he’s welcome to try.” The pegasus laughed and continued down the street. The policemare paused in front of a store window, adjusting the gold badge pinned to her chest. With a small nod, she turned away, resuming her patrol. She continued on her way, nodding at the ponies that passed. If she had turned around, she would have noticed a green earth pony following her.

Across the street, an olive green pegasus sat at a cafe, newspaper in hooves. She glanced up towards the officer. “Heartland, I’ve got Colgate in my sights.”

In a secluded building, a charcoal black pegasus and a navy blue unicorn sat in front of a large array of monitors, each linked to a camera. Behind them, a creme earth pony nodded, speaking into her headset. “10-4 Artifact. Cowpony, confirm mark.”

Above the building, a golden earth pony nodded. “Yeah, Ah got ‘em.” A rifle was in his hooves, the scope at his eye. The officer rounded a corner, the green pony following.

“Alright. Firefight, Harper, move in.” A fiery-maned pegasus and a mint green unicorn nodded, following the two into the alley. The pegasus folded up her newspaper and followed close behind. “Game on.”

In the alley, the officer paused. She detected a rustling from behind her. With a deft movement, she drew a pistol with her magic and whirled around. In the same instant, the two pegasi and unicorn burst into the alley, taking up different positions. “RDI! On the ground, dirtbag!”

The green pony scowled, glancing behind him. “You think I can’t take all you bastards?”

“What about a sniper?” asked the olive pegasus, crouching behind a dumpster, gun in hooves. The golden pony flicked a lever on his scope. A red beam shot across the street, landing on the green pony’s chest.

“What’s it gonna be, wise guy?” demanded the green unicorn, weapon floating in her magic. The unicorn in the officer’s uniform holstered her weapon and fired a blast of magic from her horn. The green pony cried out and dropped to the ground. A gun flew out of his coat, clattering to the ground. “Heartland, tango down.” The agents holstered their weapons and secured the pony, binding him in zip-cuffs.

“Well done,” responded the pony called Heartland. “Another victory for the Guardians.”

Now…

The creme coated pony blinked, the memory subsiding. A newspaper was framed on the wall, the headline reading ‘Royal Department of Investigations Catches Cop Killer!’ Her ear twitched as a door opened on the far end of the hall. “Oh, hey Bon Bon.”

A navy blue unicorn had entered the room, dressed in a sharp black suit. “Hey Cove,” responded Bon Bon.

Cover Story nodded towards the framed paper. “Feeling nostalgic?”

Bon Bon shrugged. “In a way. Every time I come in here I’m reminded of that day.”

Cover Story winced. “Ouch.”

The mare sighed and adjusted her suit coat, stepping back from the wall. The wall was covered with similar papers, each with a different headline and bearing news of the RDI. “What’s up, Cove?”

The unicorn shrugged. “Dunno, got a memo that the director wanted to see me.”

“Yeah, me too. And that’s what worries me.”

Before Cover Story could respond, the door opened, and a dull red unicorn stuck his head through the door. “Agent Bon Bon, Agent Cover Story. Glad you could make it, please come in.”

The two followed him into the spacious office. The office itself was simple, a large window facing towards Canterlot on one side and a conference table set up on the other. Cover Story spoke first. “Director Hoofer, may I ask what this is about?”

J. Edge Hoofer was by no means easy to read. If he let something slip, then it meant he wanted it to be seen. The Director of the Royal Department of Investigations smiled and leaned back in his chair. “You may, Special Agent Story. Let me be clear, however. This meeting was intended for Special Agent Bon Bon and me.”

Bon Bon raised an eyebrow. “Sir?”

The director ignored the statement. “It was recommended that I have someone from the Support Team present as well, so I invited you. I hope you don’t take offense.”

“No sir.” Cover Story settled into a chair opposite of the director, perplexed.

“Good. Now, Special Agent Bon Bon. Let me get to the point. This meeting is regarding the Guardians.”

Bon Bon narrowed her eyes. “Sir, I’ve said all I’ve had to say at our last meeting.”

“I remember. I also received this the other day.” Director Hoofer pulled out a file from his desk and opened it, the title facing Bon Bon and Cover Story. “Your letter of resignation.”

Cover Story glanced at Bon Bon, who fixed her gaze on the Director. “Yes, sir.”

He pushed the paper back towards her. “I’m not accepting it at this time.”

Bon Bon raised an eyebrow. “All due respect, but you’d better have a damn good reason, sir. You let the others go.”

The director laughed. “So I did, Agent Bon Bon. Now, I know that you feel your calls have fallen on deaf ears. They haven’t.” He slid a folder across the desk. “We’re going to make a new team.”

“A new team?!” Bon Bon shot up in her chair, flipping the folder open. “Sir! You can’t just throw a bunch of…. Probies together and expect them to be the same as the Guardians! Who’s going to lead them?”

“You are.” The director’s eyes were cold, dead serious. Bon Bon swore, storming out of the room. The director glanced at Cover Story. “Hmph. Well, that went better than expected.” He tapped his hoof on the file folder. “Agent Cover Story, make sure she gets these.”

“Sir yes sir. But, if I may, sir? Why the push for a new team?”

Director Hoofer sighed, gazing out the window. “Times are changing, Agent Story. The nature of the threats to Equestria is growing, evolving. Team Guardian was more than ready to stop them, but now… Team Harmony is all we have left.” Cover Story nodded and gathered the papers, heading for the door. “And Agent Story?” He paused as the director called his name. “The decision regarding Team Guardian was not my call. It came from the Princesses themselves. If you would be so kind to inform Agent Bon Bon?”

“Yes, sir.”

It didn’t take long for Cover Story to find Bon Bon. She was seated at her desk in the squad room, staring at a photo on her desk. “Bon?”

The mare sighed, placing the photo back on the desk. “Sorry you had to see that, Cove.”

He shrugged. “Hey, it’s fine. The director’s an ass, I know.”

She chuckled. “Well… Guess I can’t put all the blame on him.” Cover Story pulled the folder out of his suit coat. Bon Bon sighed. “Let’s see what we’ve got.”

Cover Story glanced around them. The other desks were empty, abandoned. It was strange to think a few months ago those desks were filled with some of the best friends he ever had. “Yeah, let’s.”

The first file pictured a sky blue pegasus with a technicolored mane. Cover Story removed the file and read aloud.“Okay. First recruit… Rainbow Dash…”

The pegasus tore through the sky, wind rushing by her face. With a bit of flair, she landed on the ground in front of the RDI’s Canterlot Headquarters. She checked the time on her watch. “2 minutes, 14 seconds… Eh, not bad.” Wiping sweat from her brow she entered the building, flashing her badge at the guard.

Her badge. It still amazed her that she was an official RDI agent, albeit a probationary one. All the hard work and training had paid off, she smirked. Another agent showed her into the conference room, casting a strange glance her way as he shut the door. “Sweet, first one here,” she chuckled as she settled into a chair.

“... fastest trial times on record, her instructors say she’s hardworking when she’s not sleeping, but at the same time can be headstrong and cocky… Yikes, that is one long list of citations.”

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. “Ok, she flies fast and doesn’t listen. Next.”

Cover Story pulled out another file. “Next is… Applejack.”

“Wouldn’t say you were the first.” Rainbow’s ear twitched as she realized there was another pony in the room.

An orange earth pony was reading a magazine, her legs kicked up on the desk. Her emerald eyes were focused on the magazine instead of the pegasus in front of her. A brown Stetson hat lay on the table next to her. She folded up the magazine and tossed it aside.

“Howdy. Name’s Applejack.”

Rainbow nodded, eyeing her newfound companion. “Rainbow Dash.”

“Pleasure to meet you.”

The pegasus narrowed her eyes. “Wait… Applejack? Didn’t you break the shooting record on the range?”

“Depends. You that one pegasus who got into a spat with Lightnin’ Dust?”

“Hey now, don’t forget I also broke the academy’s flight records.”

“Hmph. So you fly fast. Wonderful.”

“Was that sarcasm?”

“Course not.”

Rainbow narrowed her eyes. She better not be on the same team as me, they both thought.

“... High marksmanship, proven leader. Might be a problem since Rainbow’s also listed as a leader… Oh.” Cover Story raised an eyebrow.

“What, Cove?”

“She’s Braeburn’s cousin.”

8 Years Ago

After a few seconds of coughing from the dust, Bon Bon downed the glass of water offered by her companion. “Thanks, Lyra.”

The unicorn nodded. “Don’t mention it.” The two were seated at a bar in a small desert town. A file folder lay between them. “So, who’re we looking for again?”

Bon Bon tapped a picture in the file. “Agents from the Frontier Division. They’re out here following up on a lead about the diamond heist.”

“Think it’s connected to the Canterlot Bank heist?”

Bon Bon nodded. “We’re going to have to find them and compare notes, but I think it’s likely.”

Lyra glanced behind her. “Uh…” Bon Bon turned around to see a dust cloud formed by a pony and a unicorn, running for their lives. The unicorn shoved ponies aside with his magic, weighed down by his saddlebags.

“Wait for me!” Cried the pony, glancing behind them. Before the agents could process what was happening, an olive green blur dropped from the sky, on top of him.

“Oh, no no no no!” The unicorn panted. He stopped and drew a revolver from his saddlebag. The green form, a pegasus, glanced up at him, reaching for her own weapon. A gunshot tore through the town, and the unicorn cried out and dropped the gun, clutching his bleeding hoof. A gold coated pony in a hat and vest ran over, holstering a gun.

“I thought you said you had my back, Cowpony,” snapped the pegasus as she secured the whimpering pony.

“Ah did, Artifact.” He reached into his vest and produced a gold badge, waving it at the crowd that had gathered. “Royal agents, all’s well! Carry on!” The crowd murmured amongst themselves and returned to their usual tasks as several deputies arrived on the scene.

“Think we found them,” Lyra said as she found her voice. Bon Bon nodded, and the two trotted over to them.

As they neared, they found the two agents were still bickering. “Ah told you he was gonna run. They always do,” remarked the pony.

“Well, you didn’t have to scare him like that! I told you, I had him,” retorted the pegasus. She got off the ponies back as the deputies secured him, brushing herself off. She looked up and saw the two mares approaching. “Can I help you?”

Bon Bon flashed her badge at the two. “Special Agents Bon Bon and Lyra, Canterlot Division.”

The pony nodded at them. “Special Agents Braeburn Apple and Daring Do, Frontier Division. How can we help you?”

Lyra glanced at the saddlebags filled with bits resting on the ground. “... I think you already have.”

Now

Bon Bon blinked. “Well… we can only hope she’s as good as him.” She blinked, grabbing a folder from the stack. “Ok. Next, we have…. A unicorn, named Rarity.”

The white-coated unicorn with an elaborate purple mane trotted down the halls, chatting with the agent escorting her. “I must say, all of this is rather exciting!”

“Beg your pardon?”

“You know! Being a royal agent! Escapes down the streets of Detrot in the middle of the night! Snooping through the casinos of Las Pegasus! Fighting the gangsters of Manehattan!”

The agent blinked. “Oh… you’re one of those ponies,” he muttered to himself.

“And the gadgets! Listening devices! Bugs! Weapons! Tell me, how long have you been in the RDI, Special Agent…” She grasped for words, realizing she never got his name.

“Special Agent Lock Pick. 5 years now.” his answers were short and curt. They reached the end of the hall, stopping in front of a door marked ‘Conference Room.’ A black pegasus was leaning against the wall by a water cooler, reading a newspaper. Lock Pick nosed open the door. “Right this way. If you need anything, Special Agent Wire Tap will be right outside.” The pegasus grunted and turned a page in his newspaper.

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll be fine.” The unicorn entered the conference room and Lock Pick shut the door behind her.

“Well… this is going to suck,” Lock Pick groaned.

“Not my problem,” commented Wire Tap.

“It will be if they start fighting,” grumbled Lock Pick as he trotted back down the hall.

Inside the room, Rarity glanced from the pegasus to the earth pony. They were seated at opposite ends of the table, glaring at one another. “My, my. So many seats, and yet you chose on opposite sides? Now, what could have caused that?” The unicorn did circles around the table, observing the two.

“None of your business,” snapped Rainbow.

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Hm… Some sort of conflict, then. Interesting… Very interesting.” Rainbow averted her gaze, and the unicorn crossed the room. Applejack squinted at her, but she continued, undaunted. “Jealousy? Anger? Rage? Envy? Oh, this is all so exciting!” She took a seat in the middle of the table. “You might not want to say it now, but I’ll find out.” She chuckled. “Oh, I’ll find out. I always do.”

“... potential to be a strong investigator, determined, almost to a fault… Seems to rub people the wrong way. Bit of a diva,” read Bon Bon. She glanced up at Cover Story. “Great, she causes tension.” She tossed the folder on her desk with a sigh. “Next?”

“Right. We’ve got… Twilight...”

The door opened again, and a purple unicorn entered the room. She trotted over and sat next to Rarity, a smile on her face. “Hey! Are you guys the other recruits I was told about?”

Rainbow scoffed. “Recruits? I’m an agent now. A special agent.”

“A probationary Special Agent, Ah think you mean,” countered Applejack. “We’re trainee agents. Newbies. We ain’t gonna be special agents for a while.”

“Whatever.”

Rarity glanced between the two, a smile on her muzzle.

“Well, she’s right,” ventured Twilight. “The typical training period lasts for a few months, after which we are promoted to Journeypony Agents. During the training period we are to report to a supervisory agent, who monitors and instructs us, and when they feel we are ready to be promoted, they will-”

Rainbow threw her hooves in the air. “We know, we know! We all passed the academy! We know!”

“Oh, right. Sorry. I’m Twilight, by the way. Twilight Sparkle.”

Bon Bon raised an eyebrow. “She’s… an academic, I guess. High exam scores, but lacking in everywhere else. She should be in the S-Team, why would the director-” Bon Bon froze as she read the note attached to the end of the folder. “Oh. A recommendation from Princess Celestia. That explains it.”

Cover Story’s jaw dropped. “She got a letter… from the Princess? And she chose to work here?”

“I don’t know, I guess we’ll find out. Next… Fluttershy.”

The door creaked open. The occupants of the room turned to see who entered, but no one did. “...Are you going to go in?” asked Lock Pick.

“Um… I don’t know. Are you… sure this is the right place?” replied a soft voice. A pale yellow pegasus stood in the hallway, glancing around, Wire Tap rolled his eyes and stood up. He nudged the pegasus into the room and slammed the door.

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “Uh… Hi?”

The yellow pegasus let out an ‘eep’ and darted under the table. Applejack rolled her eyes. “Land’s sake. You’re supposed to be a royal agent.”

Twilight nodded. “Royal agents are supposed to be able to withstand any form of interrogation, and take the reins in any investigation critical to the nature of Equestrian security-”

Rainbow buried her head in her hooves. “Celestia help me.”

Rarity just laughed.

“Soft-spoken… medical expertise… might be useful as a psychologist… What are we supposed to do with her?” groaned Bon Bon.

Cover Story shrugged. “Hey, I’m sure there’s a reason they sent her to us.”

“Sure, they want to force me into early retirement.”

“I thought you tried to resign.”

“Shut up. One last folder. To round out this shitshow, we’ve got… Pinkie Pie.”

Rainbow was crouched underneath the table. “Hey, come out. We’re not going to hurt you.” She extended a hoof to her.

Applejack scoffed. “Ah’ve seen more courage from one of my granny’s apple pies.”

“PIE!” A pink pony sprang out of nowhere. “That’s my name! Pinkie Pie!” She bounced onto the table. Applejack fell out of her chair in shock, and Rainbow sprang up, banging her head on the underside of the table. Fluttershy ‘eeped’ again and crawled farther back. Rarity screamed, and Wire Tap and Lock Pick threw the door open.

“What…”

Rainbow growled and charged at the pony. “Come here you-” Pinkie giggled and bounced out of her way, sending her flying into Applejack.

“Oh, it’s on, partner,” she yelled, throwing Rainbow off of her.

“Wait!” shouted Twilight. “I don’t think-”

Applejack ignored her, throwing a punch at Rainbow. The pegasus blocked it, ready to retaliate. “Hey!” Lock Pick and Wire Tap ran forward. “Break it up! We’re on the same damn side!”

“Suspected of a suspicious explosion at the academy, notorious for pranking her classmates and instructors, dangerous.” Bon Bon sighed, rubbing her eyes. “Yep. Equestria is doomed.”

“Hey, relax, it’s not that bad,” reassured Cover Story.

“Agent Bon Bon?” Another agent trotted over. “There’s a situation in the conference room.”

Bon Bon glared at Cover Story. “It is, Cove. It is.”

Bon Bon threw the door to the conference room open. “Everyone shut up!”

The agents inside froze. Bon Bon sighed, taking in the sight. Applejack was being restrained by Lock Pick, while Rainbow was held back by Wire Tap. Twilight and Rarity were cowering behind knocked over chairs, Fluttershy was still under the table, and Pinkie was rolling on the ground laughing. “Celestia help me.”