The Superiffic Spider-Mare

Pinkie Pie trotted down the dark streets of Canterlot. Unlike the majority of the city, this place was lit up by neon lights. the sounds of cheering ponies filled the air.

The sound got louder as Pinkie approached Club Vinyl, the nightclub she had been dragging an unconscious pegasus from the previous night. Next to the entrance stood an earth pony with a long, dark mane, light brown coat and a look of angst on her face. In one hoof she held a clipboard and in her mouth was a quill. Her cutie mark was of a purple treble clef.

As Pinkie approached, she locked eyes with the mare. She seemed familiar, although Pinkie couldn't figure out why.

The mare sighed.

"I assume you are here for the contest?" she asked.

"Yes!" replied Pinkie "How could you tell?"

"Well, the regular viewers wouldn't be dressed in such..." the mare paused, looking Pinkie Pie over "...strange attire just to watch the event."

Pinkie looked down at herself. She wore a dark pink top and vest with light blue socks covering her back legs. She also had the mask from her mare do well costume, which she had dyed the same pink as her top. She also had the purple cape of the same costume, which covered the rest of her body. On the back of the cape was a pink spray paint spider.

"Oh, I suppose not." Pinkie said.

"Name?" asked the mare.

"What? Oh right! Spider Pony!"

"Really?" The mare looked up from the board "That's your name?"

"I know, clever right?"

The mare stared at Pinkie, before looking back at the clipboard.

"So, why exactly are you entering?" she asked.

"Well," replied Pinkie

"I was sitting in the castle earlier today- Oh wait, I think I was lying down- and I didn't have very much to do and Tim suggested that I make cupcakes with web icing which was just silly, so I told him 'That's silly, you silly!' and then he left so I grabbed the newspaper with my secret powers and was reading comics and in it the bad guy was using a giant robot to collect unicorn spit so he could take over Equestria by melting all the sugar and Canterlot with it and the only ponies who could stop him were these three fillies with super powers and-" Pinkie stopped, gulped in a large gasp of air, and continued "-they were shooting lasers and stuff and lasers are kinda like web except hotter and more beam-like so I was thinking of using my powers for good but then I thought about using them for evil instead but that didn't seem very nice so then I decided to use them for neutral and then I remembered Rainbow Dash told me about this contest and I showed up and now I'm here!"

The pony looked at Pinkie, her eyes wide in confusion.

"Well, that's...interesting." she said, gazing down at the three lines she had to write on.

"Follow me." she said finally.

Pinkie followed her in, the stench of alcohol hitting her like a brick wall. The two walked to the back of the room. There was a stage at the back, which currently had rubber wires fencing it off. Inside was a huge red stallion fighting a dark purple pegasus mare.

Around the stage was a crowd of ponies cheering and shouting.

Pinkie and the other mare pushed through the crowd to a door leading backstage. Inside the met up with a white unicorn with spikey blue hair and dark tinted glasses.

"Here's another one Vinyl. She says she's called-" the mare looked down at the clipboard "-spider pony."

"That's Spider Pony!" exclaimed Pinkie "You didn't use capital letters when you said it!"

The unicorn turned to Pinkie and grinned.

"Is that Pinkie Pie I hear?" she asked, levitating the mask from Pinkie's head.

"Hi Vinyl!" Pinkie, waving a hoof.

"Thanks Octy." said Vinyl, turning to the mare again "Go out and see if anyone else wants to enter."

"Only for you, Vinyl Scratch." mumbled the earth pony as she trotted off.

"Okay Pinkie." said Vinyl, once again turning to Pinkie "All you have to do is fight Coping Saw for 3 minutes. If you win then you get 500 bits! Plus 50 extra for each leg you don't break."

"What?! I can break my limbs?!"

"Yeah, and you should probably protect your head too." Vinyl replied.

DING DING DING

"Oh, you're up! That didn't take long!" Vinyl began to shove Pinkie Pie closer the the curtain which separated them from the stage.

"Wait, I-"

"Oh right, your mask, here ya go!" Vinyl levitated the mask onto Pinkie's head before trotting onto the stage, leaving her behind.

"Ladies and gentlecolts!" Vinyl yelled, magnifying her voice with her magic "Our next contestant is a very good friend of mine! Give it up for..."

Pinkie poked her head out through the curtain and looked at the pony she had to fight. He was so huge that he put Big Mac to shame.

"The amazing, the spectacular..."

He had a blood red coat with a black dumbbell cutie mark. His mane was black and had a streak of yellow going down his tail.

Suddenly, the curtain began to open, and a spotlight was pointed at Pinkie.

"The Superiffic Spider-Mare!!" Vinyl announced. The crowd began to hiss and boo at Pinkie as she stepped into the ring. Vinyl turned and began to walk back to the room behind the stage. As she passed, she wished Pinkie good luck.

Pinkie looked at her opponent. He glared back at her and gritted his surprisingly sharp teeth. Suddenly, a large metal grid began to lower over the ring, surrounded in the glow of unicorn magic.

"Wait!" yelled Pinkie, lunging at the back of the cage and looking out at Vinyl scratch "I didn't sign up for a cage match!"

Suddenly, the tingling started again. Pinkie had gotten used to it being a sign of something bad happening and chalked it up to her Pinkie Sense. She could sense Coping Saw behind her, flying through the air towards her in a kicking motion.

Pinkie quickly cartwheeled aside, causing her opponent to collide with the metal bars with a loud 'clang'. He quickly recovered and charged towards Pinkie, lifting his hoof and swinging for her face. She ducked, avoiding it.

Coping Saw retaliated by swinging his other hoof in a similar fashion. Pinkie leaned left and avoided again.

Coping turned onto his front hooves and attempted to buck Pinkie's face, which she dodged by leaping up and latching on to the top of the cage, sticking there.

"Get down here and fight like a mare!" yelled Coping Saw. His voice was gruff and deep.

"You come up here and fight like a spider!" yelled Pinkie. She crawled quickly along from the corner of the cage ceiling to the center before dropping down and landing on Coping Saw, grabbing onto his head and covering his eyes.

"Guess who?" she said cheerfully. The crowd began to hiss and boo again.

"Get off'a me!" yelled Coping saw, swinging at Pinkie with his forelegs. He lost frontward support fell forwards onto the hard concrete floor.

Pinkie leapt into the air, firing a web to the cage ceiling, and began to swing around. As soon as her opponent stood up, he was met with a hoof to the face and lost consciousness. Pinkie dropped to the ground and began to pant, a smile spreading across her masked face. The cage was magically removed and Vinyl trotted onstage next to the victor.

"Congrats Pinks!" she said, lifting one of the pink mare's hooves into the air.

"The new champion, everypony! Give it up for Spider-Mare!"

Pinkie looked into the audience at the cheering ponies. There were only about 30 by Pinkie's count, but a victory is a victory. She took a bow and removed her mask, revealing the huge smile underneath.