A Thousand Lives

I woke up with a start. The mountain looking facade of the minotaur room was an interesting view to wake up to to say the least. I rolled off the bed, reaching for Crowley, and paused. He was still in the barn. I cursed, creepy was probably in there too, doing whatever he felt he should. I realized what this was and jumped out of bed, pulling out a fresh long sleeve shirt and plopping on my plate carrier. I felt metal legs creep up my leg. "Not now Creepy. I have to stop Creepy from building more metal spiders." I paused a moment. I let that statement run through my head. Then I ran it again. I picked Creepy up until he was at my eye level. "You hitched a ride on me, didn't you?" He chirped at me, causing me to groan. "You're a creepy little bugger, I ever tell you that?"

Creepy chirped again before wiggling himself free. He climbed on top of the bed and rolled into a ball. Apparently he wasn't feeling chatty. I glanced down at my hastily donned outfit. Yoga pants and a button up only half buttoned, covered by an open plate carrier. I sighed, before stripping down and pulling out fresh jeans. A few minutes later my shirt was buttoned, my carrier closed, and boots were on. I had decided to keep the shirt, no use trying to stylize properly. I looked over my revolver, and spun the cylinder. I listened to the repeating click as it seated itself, still spinning. It clicked home. There were some issues with it though, the clicks seemed to dry. I looked around and saw a table. Okay, now I just needed someone talk to.

I walked to my front door. I grabbed the motion sensor and flipped it off as it started beeping. I tossed it behind me not caring where it landed. I peeked through the door. I saw guards in full armor outside, looking generally stoic. I thought of my options. They probably already heard me, and the unicorn might be Silver. I decided simple would be better. I knocked on the opened door. "Yo, you two. I have new official duties for you."

The unicorn looked at me and smiled, while the pegasus looked disturbed. I smiled wider at him. "I am in desperate need of a conversational partner. So you two are getting sacrificed to the cause." I opened the door fully "Step into my parlor."

The unicorn laughed. "Said the spider to the fly." She walked in easily, taking of her helmet to show Silvers true colors. I laughed.

"I'm glad some sayings are here too." I waved the other in, and he elected to keep his helmet on. I moved to the table, sliding a chair out. Everything was made of stone, and it was just as comfortable as it sounded. "Damn magic users, never worry about creature comforts." I picked up the revolver, looking at the key locks holding the revolver together. I sighed, moving my bag from my shoulder and digging out a fitting tool. I nodded towards silver. "So, how long was I out?"

Silver was digging in a nearby closet, and pulled two pillows out. She moved them both to the table and threw them down. "Couple hours maybe. We've only been here one or two." She tapped the pillow beside her. "Come on Vice, he probably won't bite."

The pegasus looked like a spooked dog, and slowly moved to the pillow. He stared at me the whole time. I began checking him over. He was wearing standard guard fare from what I'd seen, but instead of a spear he carried a sword. I gestured towards it. "So Vice, what's with the sword. All the other guards I've seen have spears."

Vice instantly froze for a moment, a distant look in his eyes. "This is a Stronghoof Mark VII Blade, it can cut through most armor easily, and keeps it's edge well. It is superior to the standard spears in all but reach. It requires extra training to use effectively, and therefore is only carried by specialists." He said all that in a monotone, lecturing voice. Then paused staring at me, before shrinking back down. "And I'm uh, I'm really good with swords."

I smiled, and pointed towards Yasumori as it leaned against the bed. "I'm not half bad myself. Granted I don't use them as much as these." I gestured to the revolver, before picking it up and popping the cylinder out. "It solves a lot of issues a lot faster when a fight last less than a minute.

Vice stared as I began disassembling the revolver. "How can that thing end a fight so quickly?"

I smiled wide. Time to unleash the inner nerd. I tipped the cylinder, putting five .357 rounds on the table. "See these?" He nodded. "These small cylinders send a chunk of lead going 1,700 feet per second into some unfortunate recipients chest." I flicked it once. "And it makes a satisfying boom." I put the round down, as Vice stared.

"What sort of enchantments are on that? Starswirl's arrow charms can only get them to go about four hundred if I remember. And most speed spells need more mass."

I shook my head and pulled out a cleaning kit. "No spells. Just a lot of mechanical knowledge from people smarter than me." I ran a brush over the revolver, before picking at some of the finer parts. I saw the little clicker that held the cylinder was ground down a little bit. I let out a laugh. "Ha, trying to wear down on me again. Not today." The ponies stared at me as I dug around in my pack. I pulled out a small container of blue gel. I tapped it a few times and put a spray nozzle on the offending part. I put a small amount of the gel on it before smiling. "Want to see a magic trick?"

Both ponies nodded. I began the hardest task of my life. I did math. I'm no genius, but the way all my future gloop worked basically boiled down to crunching the numbers of how much magical juice it took to form an addition to an object, and constantly keep an exact mental picture of the object your making. I don't have a non-magical analogue, but it was kinda like trying to do advanced trigonometry, astrophysics, and then throw in trying to keep a full object in your head all at the same time. Then to top it all of you have to throw all those thoughts into lightning and shoot it into the gel. I thought of all this for a moment, solidifying it all in my head. "Perun"

I hit the gel with what I hoped was the right amount juice. The piece of gel hardened, transforming a small portion to steel matching the clicker perfectly. I wiped off the excess gel and scooped it back into the nozzle. A button press later and it was sucked in. I smiled at it, and put it down. Silver gawked. "That is soo..." I waited, expecting grand reveals of wonder and amusement. Silver had other plans. "-stupid. Do you always have to use so much magic just for simple patch jobs?"

I froze. I just showed a an insane fusion of technology and magic to a pony. And she called it stupid. I pushed the shattered remnants of my pride down before I responded. "Well, it works. So shush." I began reassembling the revolver, letting pieces click back into place easily. Silver didn't let it die though.

"Well, you can fix stuff way easier with a basic repair spell. That gel seems like an unnecessary step." I stared at her, before taking the moral high ground. I grunted, and flipped her off. She smiled. "I'm just gonna assume that's some alien insult and be proud of myself."

Vice thwapped her with a wing. "Silver, stop antagonizing the alien who can get rid of dragons alone." I nodded at the wise pegasus.

"Indeed Vice." I said, adopting the tones of a wise sage. "One should respect those who meddles in the affairs of dragons. For they are crunchy, and taste good with ketchup." I reloaded the revolver. Before closing it with a flick of my wrist. "Besides she's right. In my culture raising your middle finger is a way to basically say fuck you."

The ponies paused as I re holstered my pistol. I stood and smiled wide. Vice smiled back. God, that colt was adorable when he smiled. "Why would that be an insult?"

I smiled back. "One sec, I'll show you." I reached into my bag, and pulled out a short bow. It was meant for horseback, and as such actually fit. I Readied the bow and used my head to gesture to my middle finger, which was holding back the draw string. "see how my middle finger holds back the string?" The ponies nodded as I lowered the string back to a resting position. "Long in my worlds past two armies clashed. One side had great archers, and the other army threatened before the battle to cut off their middle fingers." I wiggled my fingers. "This would mean they could no longer be archers. The archers army won, and all the archers raised their middle fingers to the approaching army. In that moment it meant fuck you, still got 'em, and as time passed it became an insult."

I put the bow on the table. If it was out, might as well play a bit. I took the bow string of and looked it over. Vice was making a face of disgust at my story, Silver however was smiling. "That's so cool! Just imagine, someone braking down your door and threatening you, then when you kick 'em out you flaunt what you kept as they leave." She threw a hoof out like a punch. "What I wouldn't give to have seen it happen."

My eyes went blank for a moment, and I was there. Not that battle, but medieval warfare was something I had dealt with before. I could feel my plates absorbing sword blows, the crunch of bone under my mace. The pain as an arrow sunk deep into my thigh. I was woken by a wing being fluffed in my face. I took note of all the feathers seeming to go different directions as it moved, before shaking my head. "Uh, yeah sorry. What'd I miss?"

Silver was gone, and Vice was looking very nervous. "Uhm, well. After Silver said she wanted to be there you kinda... zoned out. At first we thought you were thinking, but you stayed that way for ten minutes. Silver's run off to get some help." I thought all that over, before Vice's quiet cough woke me up again. "Ma'am, you can let go of your leg now."

I glanced down. My hand had been clasping my thigh until my knuckles were white. I released the grip, letting blood flow return to normal. I flexed my fingers. "Yeah... yeah." I picked up the bow, looking over which specific one it was. It wasn't a medieval one. I had enchanted it.

Now I know I said I used the fires of creation as a sledgehammer. In a fight that was strictly true. I couldn't do fine spells for the life of me if I was stressed. But in the calm and safety of a safe house? I could play magic like a damn rock star. Only for enchantments really, and even then only for shortcuts to the fine spells I can't do. Which is why when the door opened I could do some beautiful combat magic.

The door was only half opened as I pulled back the bow string. It fully opened as I screamed. "Aquarius, Blizzaga!!" The humidity of the room condensed, forming an arrow of water, and then froze into an arrow of pure ice. A series of runes along the bow began to glow in a soft blue light. I held it tight as a purple hoof managed to walk in, only to freeze as the arrow lodged itself in the ground in front of it. I pulled back the bow again, repeating the spells. "Didn't your mother teach you to knock?"

The hoof withdrew, and the door closed. A moment later a knock followed. I would teach these ponies manners if it killed them. Maybe I shouldn't have been so literal, but meh. I nodded towards the door. "Come in, slowly if you like all your bits attached."

And in walked the walking textbook. Twilight Sparkle herself slowly moved through the door, staring at the arrow currently melting into the stone floor. The bow stayed steady for a moment longer than necessary, until I felt Vice's wing on my arm. "You're good Draitha, nopony's here to hurt you." I sighed, trying to calm down a heart I didn't notice was beating out of control. I took in a few deep breaths.

"Alright" I said, lowering the bow and releasing the magic. The arrow fell to the floor with a clatter. I breathed deep, my hands shaking as I sat back down. When did I stand up? Damn this wasn't fun. I let out a deep breath, before putting the bow in my lap. "Sorry Twi, bad time."

She was still staring at the arrow. She then slowly turned her head to me and... oh my, that smile couldn't be scarier. "Draitha, why is your magical construct not dissipating?"

Ohhhh bother. Magical super nerd had apparently seen something she wasn't used too. Two options, kill or run. I was surrounded by armed ponies in an unfamiliar castle, so kill was stupid. Plus this was Twilight, she was a good pony. Probably. So run, except I was still shaky and in a castle that I had no clue how to get around in. So normal plan A was out. New plans, explain or deflect. Explain might lead to more questions, but deflect could lead to a full blown interrogation. Time to use both. I waved my fingers. "Magic."

Twilight stared at me before blowing out a gust of air towards her mane. "You never give a straight answer do you?"

I shook my head. "No one gets my secrets easy. If it makes you feel better you can say it's a weird human thing."

Twilight moved fully in, sitting on Silver's pillow. "No it doesn't. Anyways Luna sent for us when she found out you had been sucked into that 'event' with the royal guard."

I smiled and patted Vice. "Yeah, I made some friends. And I tried to fight a dragon. I also almost shot Luna, but I don't think I'm supposed to share that." Oh sweet Christ. With each sentence Twilight's eyes bugged out a little more. As her eyes bugged out Vice scooted further away. Gods this was wonderful.

Twilight began sputtering at my quick summary, which apparently she had not been told. Ah, Celestia is still the master of dickery. I saw to the sputtering Twilight in the only way possible. I picked her up. She didn't even move, apparently in a full neurotic breakdown. I put her down outside the room and shut the door behind her. Deflection strategy successful. I smiled as I moved back to my chair. "Okay, I needed that." After a moment Vice began laughing. It only took a second for me to as well. I was beginning to like this guy.