The Royal Sisters' Epic Chess Match

by NoPonE

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 4087

Celestia challenges Luna to a game of chess. There's just one problem: Luna has no idea how to play

With some spare time on her hooves, Celestia challenges Luna to a game of chess. The two sisters then have a very normal and very epic chess match.

Note: This story may not contain an actual chess game.

Profanity tag is for light swears that are slightly modified. Worst swear is "bucking"

Published 2018-03-27 16:00:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-03-27 16:00:07 UTC

Checkmate

Princess Celestia stood atop the tower balcony, her horn glowing with her alicorn magic. The sun slowly peeked out from below the horizon, then rose up to signal the dawn of a new day. As the sun climbed higher and higher into the sky, Celestia saw dozens of ponies exiting their homes to begin their morning activities. Smiling, the Princess of the Sun headed back inside.

Sun raised! cheered Celestia to herself. She then used her magic to materialize a scroll.

Now, what do I have to do next? she thought as she unrolled the parchment to reveal a neatly-organized weekly planner. To her surprise, her next meeting was not scheduled until 1:00 PM, and there weren't any royal events for her to attend all day.

Wow... when's the last time I've had this much free time? As Celestia contemplated how to spend her next few hours, she saw Princess Luna walking down the hallway towards her bedroom. Then, Celestia got a brilliant idea.

"Woooonaaaaaaa~" sang Celestia in an endearing voice. Blushing, her younger sister turned towards the source of the singing.

"Sister! I thought I told you not to call me that!" hushed Luna, her eyes darting around to make sure nopony had heard her embarrassing nickname.

"Why not~? I let you call me ''Tia' all the time. Why can't I have a nickname for you?" asked Celestia.

"It-it just... I..." stammered Luna. Sighing, she gave up on her retort. "Anyways, what is it that you want?"

"Well, it turns out I have tons of free time right now, and I was thinking we could do something fun together!"

Luna's eyes brightened as a smile grew upon her face. "Ooh! Ooh! What shall we do together!"

"Let's play a game!" declared Celestia. Luna started bouncing up and down like a little filly being given a lollipop.

"Yes! Let us play a game!" shouted Luna, eagerly awaiting her sister's suggestion. "What game do you have in mind?"

Celestia then spawned a checkered board and some black and white pieces. "Chess!"

"WHAT!?" Luna suddenly tripped over one of her hooves, causing her to land face-first on the floor. She pulled herself up and shook her head a few times to shoo away the tiny pegasi flying around her in circles.

"Ch-chess...?" asked Luna nervously, with beads of sweat dripping down the sides of her face.

"Yes! Chess!" smiled Celestia. "A classic game of strategy, tactics, and intelligence! It's a very common pastime amongst the royals and nobles here in Canterlot."

"Right... but..." Luna poked the ground with one of her front hooves. "I-I was stuck on the moon for a thousand years!"

"So? This game was invented long before you and I were born," stated Celestia. "Don't tell me you've never played chess before?"

Celestia smiled again, except this time, it was more of a cheeky and mischievous smile. Luna hated it when 'Tia made that face. She had made it so many times Luna started calling it "The 'Tia Face". She knew her sister was only trying to get a rise out of her and lure her into a trap. And yet... she really, really, really wanted to wipe that smug look off her face. The slightly-squinted eyes, the curled smile, the way she slightly tilted her head upwards to look down upon her... it was just so infuriating!

With that being said, Luna was not a little filly anymore. Over the past several millennia, Luna had built up resistance to "The 'Tia Face". Sure, she had never successfully stopped herself from falling into her older sister's traps, but this time would be different. This time, she would not let her sister get the best of her! This time, she would not be teased or toyed with! Steeling herself with determination, Luna gave Celestia the honest answer to the latter's question.

"O-Of course I have played chess!" blurted Luna. Ponyfeathers! So much for resisting the face. "In fact, I often play chess with our subjects when I enter their dreams! Yes, that's right! Ponies just love dreaming about chess nowadays! You know?" Luna put on her best poker face, which, admittedly, wasn't very good. Meanwhile, Celestia's expression didn't change one bit.

"Riiiiiiight," said Celestia. "Well then, if you've played so much recently, you must be pretty good!"

"Hahaha... well, I would not say I am that good..." laughed Luna shakily. Maybe there was still a chance for her to escape this situation. Maybe she could say she was busy? Nope, it was daytime, meaning her duties for the night were all done. Maybe she could pretend to be sleepy? No, considering how much energy and excitement she showed earlier, there was no way 'Tia would believe that. Or perhaps-

"Nonsense! Let's go!" With that, Celestia teleported them - along with the board and the chess pieces - to a small table in their bedroom. Celestia and Luna were situated on opposite sides of the table, while the chess board sat squarely in the middle. The pieces were already set in their appropriate starting positions.

"I assume you want the black pieces, yes?" inquired Celestia, still smiling playfully.

"Y-yes. Please," stuttered Luna. She stared at the board for a few seconds, eyeing her pieces curiously. Okay, so she hadn't played chess before. Big deal. Why did it matter that she didn't know how to play this silly, little board game? Sighing, Luna attempted to figure out how this "chess" worked.

'Tia did say this game is about strategy, tactics, and intelligence... thought Luna, so is this a battlefield? In that case, the goal must be to defeat the enemy commander. Now, which of these is the commander? Looking at her own pieces, one in particular caught her eye.

This piece looks like it's wearing a crown, so perhaps it's a princess! deduced Luna. I don't know what all these other ones are called, but if I just defeat 'Tia's princess, then I'll win!

"Okay! I'm ready!" announced Luna. Celestia, desperately attempting to hold back her laughter, nodded.

"Very well," replied Celestia as she regained her composure. Her horn glowed, causing one of her pawns to gracefully slide two squares forward. With her move completed, Celestia looked back at her younger sister.

"Alright, now it's your tu-"

"Hear us, loyal subjects!" boomed Luna in her royal Canterlot voice. Celestia was caught completely off-guard as the massive wave of sound nearly ruptured her eardrums. She would have been sent flying if not for the fact that she was desperately holding onto the edge of the table for dear life. Before she could steady herself however, Luna continued her deafening speech.

"The Solar Empire has trespassed into our lands!" announced Luna, pointing at the puny, white pawn Celestia had advanced. "It believes that we are weak and unprepared to defend our lands! However! We shall not tolerate this incursion! We shall drive off the invaders and let them experience the might of the Lunar Republic firsthoof! All units, ATTACK!"

Using her magic, Luna levitated every single one of her pieces high into the air. Then, with a quick motion of her hoof, they all dive-bombed towards Celestia's queen.

"Luna! Wait!" shouted Celestia. But it was too late. As the black chess pieces impacted the board, there was an explosion accompanied by a loud, splintering sound. Celestia quickly ducked under the table as Luna watched the chaos unfold. As the dust cleared, Luna stared enthusiastically at where her pieces attacked, while Celestia carefully peeked from underneath the table.

The white queen was utterly obliterated. Splinters of wood were scattered all over the place. Many of Luna's pieces were chipped as well, with Celestia's remaining pieces all toppled over. Grinning, Luna stood up and struck a mighty pose.

"Huzzah! Victory is ours!" cheered Luna. She then turned her attention towards the remaining white pieces lying down on the board.

"Citizens of the Solar Empire! Your princess has been defeated! We shall be merciful and allow you to join our republic as loyal servants to the crown! However, should you choose to disobey us, you shall be sent to the dungeons! How do you wish to proceed?" Luna looked at her sister, awaiting her answer.

Silence has never sounded so beautiful... thought Celestia. Or maybe that was just the ringing in her ears. In any case, Celestia shakily got up, attempting to catch her breath and regain her bearings. As her vision returned to normal, she cleared her throat and addressed her sister as calmly as possible.

"Luna," started Celestia. "You have no idea how to play this game, do you?" Luna's smile faded as she looked down upon the destruction she caused.

"But-But I defeated your princess!" asserted Luna. Celestia buried her face in her hooves.

"Look, I'm sorry I was teasing you a bit earlier, but if you really didn't know how to play, you could've just said so," sighed Celestia.

"I-I'm sorry, 'Tia," apologized Luna, staring down at her own hooves.

"It's alright, Luna," smiled Celestia, lifting up her younger sister's head. "Why don't we try this again?" With a quick flash from her horn, all the pieces and the board were instantly restored to the condition they were in before Luna's apocalyptic attack.

"Okay, so first of all, the objective of the game is to checkmate the king," explained Celestia as she levitated the white king.

"What is this... 'checkmate', you speak of?" inquired Luna.

"It means you put it under threat of attack."

"I thought I did that with my speech," said Luna innocently.

"N-no, that's not- never mind." Celestia put the white king down, then continued explaining. "You see, each piece has the ability to attack other pieces in certain ways. If you place your pieces in such a way that the king is going to be attacked on the next move, then you've placed the king in check. However, if there is no way for a player under check to escape, then it's checkmate and game over."

Luna stared blankly at the board.

"Wait, so... you don't defeat the king?" asked Luna.

"Think of it as forcing the other side to surrender," offered Celestia.

"Awww that's no fun..." pouted Luna. She rested her chin on the edge of the table, looking slightly upset.

"Luna," said a stern Celestia, "don't you remember what we learned in the warfare and strategy classes we took when we were young fillies? Remember what Professor Sharp Saber said about how forcing a surrender can help with future relations?"

"Fine, fine," groaned Luna, not wanting to recall their strict and frightful professor's lectures. "But why is the king so important? Equestria does not have a king. You are the highest authority, and you are a princess!"

"Well, I guess this isn't Equestria." Celestia cleared her throat again, then levitated a pawn.

"This is a pawn, and each side has eight of them."

"They are adorable~!" squeed Luna, grabbing her pawns with her hooves and looking down at them affectionately. She couldn't help it. They were just so tiny, and their little round heads were simply too cute! Luna hugged them warmly and started humming a little tune.

"Y-yes," said Celestia. "So the pawns can only move one square forwards, but on their first move, they can move two. Furthermore, they can only attack pieces that are diagonally in front of them."

Luna stopped her humming and stared at her pawns. "That... does not make any sense."

"What do you mean?"

"How can something only attack diagonally?"

"It just does!"

"But think about it!" argued Luna. "If somepony were standing right in front of you, would it not be odd to say, 'Oh no! I cannot attack you because you are in front of me! Please move slightly to the left or to the right!'?"

"W-Well... it-" stammered Celestia. Her face scrunched up as she tried to find a proper explanation. However, Luna continued to bombard her with more questions.

"And why can it only move two spaces on the first turn? And is it not able to move backwards? Or sideways? What kind of soldier can only walk forwards and attack diagonally? Is it possible for me to train them so they can become better soldiers?"

"Luna!" said Celestia in a slightly louder voice. However, after taking a deep breath, she calmed herself down.

"In regards to your last question, technically yes. If your pawn makes it all the way to the other side, then you can turn it into another piece," answered Celestia.

"Ooh!" Luna eyed her tiny pawns. "You have great potential, little ones! I shall guide you all the other side of the board! There, you shall become mighty warriors!" As Luna used her magic to make her pawns hop and dance around in a circle, Celestia couldn't help but let out a soft giggle.

"Alright, let's move on," suggested Celestia, smiling. She knew there was more to explain about the pawn, but considering how much time she had spent explaining this one piece, she figured it was best to talk about something else.

"This is the rook."

"Aha! My royal castle!" exclaimed Luna. She then took notice of her second rook.

"Oh? It appears that I have two castles from which I can plot my dastardly plans!" said Luna in an exaggerated, villainous voice while rubbing her hooves against each other.

"Yes... that's right, we each have two," said a slightly concerned Celestia. "Rooks can move as far as they want horizontally or vertically."

"My... castles can move!?" Luna was clearly mind-blown by this concept. "But how!"

"They just do." Celestia sighed again, placing a hoof on her forehead.

"You know, you are not very good at explaining the logic behind these movement abilities," said Luna very matter-of-factly.

"Moving on..." ignored Celestia. "This one is the-"

"How come this piece is the only one that looks like a pony?" questioned Luna. "With the exception of the castles, all of our pieces should be ponies as well, should they not?"

"I-" stared Celestia. That was a pretty good question. Why weren't all the pieces shaped like horses? Maybe she should ask Twilight to research that sometime.

"Anyways, the knight can move two squares horizontally or vertically, then one square in a perpendicular direction. Furthermore, it's the only piece that can jump over other pieces."

"So... it's a Wonderbolt!" said Luna.

"Wha- how did you reach that conclusion!?" asked a bewildered Celestia.

"If it can jump over other ponies, then it must be able to fly! And if it is doing all these odd maneuvers, it must be a Wonderbolt!" explained Luna proudly.

Celestia had no words. What her little sister had just said made absolutely no sense, but at the same time, it made perfect sense. Was this a joke? Did Luna actually know how to play chess, or was Luna trying to tease her back? Or maybe this was just how her mind processed these sorts of things. Oh well. At least Luna seemed to get the idea. Time to move on.

"Okay, now this one is the bishop. It can only move diagonally."

"Again with the diagonals!?" sighed Luna. "Why is it so bucking hard to move and attack forwards, huh!?"

"Luna! Language!"

"Sorry, 'Tia."

"Next, we have the queen. This is the most powerful piece. It can move horizontally, vertically, and diagonally."

"Ohoho! Now we are talking!" grinned Luna. "I have big plans for you!" She laughed wickedly while raising her hooves up high. Somewhere outside, thunder rumbled and cracked. Celestia simply stared at her silly little sister with a deadpanned expression.

"Wait a second," thought Luna, rubbing the bottom of her chin with her hoof. "If the queen is the most powerful, then what about the king? What does he do?"

"The king can move in the same directions as the queen," began Celestia, "but it can only move one square."

...

"You mean to tell me that my entire army, an army made up of adorable pawns, moving castles, Wonderbolts, and the most powerful queen in all of Equestria, are all fighting for the sake of this idiot who can barely move his fat flank!?"

Crash! Bang! Boom!

Luna looked around their bedroom. All their furniture was turned upside down and sideways, books had fallen off their shelves, the chess board had been flung to the other end of the room, and the chess pieces lay scattered across the floor. Put simply, their room was now a total mess. It was probably messier than the time she and 'Tia had that pillow fight that lasted a fortnight. Speaking of 'Tia... where was she?

Luna then noticed the pony-shaped hole in the wall that definitely wasn't there before. She peered through it and saw nothing but open skies. In the distance, she thought she could see a small dot flying away from the castle. It was getting smaller, and smaller, and smaller...

"... Oops."

Spike and Twilight walked down Canterlot Mane Street, looking around hungrily at the various restaurants and cafés that lined the sidewalks. All the delicious smells and scents tickled at their noses, making their stomachs rumble and their mouths water.

"Food always looks and smells so attractive when you're hungry..." sighed Spike, staring through the windows of a pie shop.

"You got that right," agreed Twilight. "But what should we have? Everything looks too good!"

"I think we should-" Spike's suggestion was abruptly cut off as everypony gasped and pointed towards the sky. Something was streaking through the sky at incredible speeds. It was too high up to tell what it was, but Twilight thought it kind of looked like a pony.

"Wait... is it... glowing?" observed Spike. As he said that, a mach cone started forming around the object, and then...

BOOM!

There was a loud blast, followed by a brilliant orange-and-yellow sun-shaped shockwave that spread across the entire sky. Meanwhile, the unidentified flying object seemed to fly even faster as it left behind an orange-and-yellow trail. Everypony - and every dragon - on the ground cheered and exclaimed in awe.

"Holy guacamole!" shouted Spike. "That was amazing!"

"Yes it was! But... what could've caused it?" wondered Twilight.

"It kinda looked like Rainbow Dash's sonic rainboom, huh?" commented Spike offhandedly.

Twilight gasped. "Wait... you don't think it was... Princess Celestia!? C'mon Spike, we better follow her and make sure she's okay!"

"Can't we get lunch fiiiiiiiiiirrrsst!?" Spike screamed as he was dragged along by Twilight's magic. As Twilight galloped through Canterlot with Spike in tow, she failed to notice a second object with a bluish trail soaring through the sky in the same direction...

"Ugh... what happened...?" Celestia was lying down on a cold, hard surface. As she slowly got up, she looked around and attempted to regain her bearings. She was still in the castle. No, wait. It was a castle, but not the one in Canterlot. This castle was much older. Its walls were crumbling, part of the roof was missing, and the tapestry was torn and dusty. Yet, something felt familiar about it...

"Is this... our old castle in the Everfree Forest?" Sure enough, as Celestia turned around, she saw two worn-down thrones. One was decorated with gold and yellow, while the other had various shades of blue. Overwhelmed with nostalgia, Celestia smiled tearfully and sat upon her old throne. All sorts of memories from over a millennium ago flowed through her head. There was the time they tried to scare each other with all the traps and secret doors they set up in the castle, the time they had that massive pillow fight, the times they spent reading books together...

Celestia sighed sadly. Things used to be so simple back then. I can't believe it's been over a thousand years since we lived here.

Suddenly, Celestia heard the flapping of wings. She looked up and saw none other than her younger sister, who gracefully descended through the broken roof and landed in front of her.

"Oh, 'Tia! I am so sorry about that!" cried Luna, her eyes beginning to well up with tears.

"It's quite alright, Woona," giggled Celestia as she gently pat her sister on the head with her hoof.

"I cannot believe my royal Canterlot voice sent you flying all the way to the Everfree Forest..." said Luna sheepishly.

"Well, the landing kind of hurt, but I can't recall the last time I flew so fast!" exclaimed Celestia.

"It was quite something!" laughed Luna. Then, she rubbed the back of her head with her hoof. "I am... also sorry for fooling around so much when you were trying to teach me chess..."

"Don't worry about it," assured Celestia. "To be honest, although I play chess with visiting dignitaries all the time, it can get a bit monotonous at times. Seeing you play around with the pieces and making up your own ideas about the game was actually pretty enjoyable! It reminds me of when we were little fillies and played games while letting our imaginations run wild!"

"Hehe, yes, those were good times," reminisced Luna, smiling warmly. "So, should we play a match now? I promise I will take it seriously this time!"

Celestia shook her head.

"I have a better idea..."

Twilight and Spike carefully made their way through the dark and creepy Everfree Forest. Even though it was noon, the thick canopy above blocked most of the sunlight that attempted to shine through. Weird and unfamiliar sounds came from every direction, while glowing eyes stared at them from behind the surrounding bushes.

"Ugh, no matter how many times we go through here, this place always gives me the shivers," shuddered Spike.

"No time to get spooked," said Twilight. "We gotta find Princess Celestia and-"

Suddenly, the ground shook momentarily. Then, there was the sound of... a laser blast? And was that screaming?

"Oh no! Princess Celestia is under attack! We got to save her!" Quickly, the duo ran towards the source of the sounds. As the forest cleared, they came across the Castle of the Two Sisters. Bright lights of all colors flashed and glowed from behind the windows and cracks in the walls.

Twilight and Spike snuck through the front archway and made their way towards the throne room. The blasts and explosions got louder and louder, while the lights got brighter and brighter. Finally, they reached a balcony on the second floor from which they could observe the battle.

Princess Luna was standing on top of what appeared to be a massive, black rook several times her height. Celestia was also situated on a rook, though hers was white in color. In front of each of them were dozens of life-sized chess pieces, some of which had slight modifications to their appearances. The knights had wings attached to their backs, the bishops had horns protruding from their foreheads, while the queens sported both appendages. The pawns, meanwhile, had spears and swords stuck to their sides.

"Back down, Empress Celestia!" ordered Luna from her "castle". "My soldiers are fierce and swift! We will not simply allow you to cross into our territory!"

"Your territory?" retorted Celestia, who was also using the royal Canterlot voice. "These is the rightful lands of the Solar Empire! Surrender, or we will destroy you!"

"Ha! Your puny army is no match for the might and glory of the Lunar Republic! I must admit, you are far more foolish than I imagined you to be!"

"Enough talk! Threats are meaningless if you are not willing to fight! Ground troops, advance!" Celestia's pawns then charged towards Luna's.

"Shadowbolts! Destroy them!" Luna's pegasus knights flapped their wings to rise up into the air, then dove upon Celestia's pawns.

"Unicorns! Take them down!" The white bishops aimed their horns and fired laser bolts to stop the impending aerial attack. The "Shadowbolts" did their best to dodge the anti-pegasus fire, though some were obliterated.

"Fire back!" shouted Luna as her own bishops fired at Celestia's.

"Wonderbolts! Advance to the northwest!"

"Attack pattern Eclipse 7!"

As the epic chess battle raged below them, Spike and Twilight hid behind a partially-broken column. The two of them stared at each other with shocked and confused expressions.

"What is going on down there!?" exclaimed Spike. Twilight peeked from behind the column, then looked back at Spike. After thinking for a few seconds, she giggled.

"I don't know, but whatever it is, it sure looks like a whole lot of fun," smiled Twilight.