“Everypony evacuate!” shouted Twilight at the top of her lungs. Panic was causing her guts to tighten, and not in the good way. “There’s an ursa on the way!” Most of the ignorant masses continued to stand in place with mindless expressions on their face. They didn’t know what an ursa was, because of course they didn’t. As such the damnable part of the brain that dictated curiosity had the audacity to override the poorly understood building tension in the air, demanding that ponies stay and see.

“A what!?” exclaimed Trixie. “What are you talking about?”

*Thum* A tremor shook the ground, causing a fear number of precariously placed breakables to fall. Even ponies trembled, feeling the vibrations all the way to their bones.

“What was the spell?” demanded Twilight as she reeled around on Trixie. “Tell me what spell you cast!”

“What? Why I never,” Trixie replied with an indignant snort. “Trixie is under no obligation to reveal the secrets of her trade to-”

*Thum*

“-you?” she squeaked as her stomach tied itself into knots.

“She’s got a potion!” screamed Spike in agitation. He stood near Trixie on the stage, positioning himself to stop her in case she tried to escape. Fluttershy, showing a surprising level of sensibility, had already fled. “I caught a glimpse when she was spinning. It’s blue with a thick, earthy smell. Maybe some fertilizer, too.”

*Thum*

Twilight’s eyes went wide as her encyclopedic brain immediately identified the potion, or at least one of the main ingredients. Again she reeled on Trixie, teeth bared in anger as she seized the mare in her telekinetic grip.

“What? What are you doing? Release Trixie this minute!” demanded the squirming mare. She got her wish when Twilight unceremoniously dropped her back to the stage after a certain item had been extracted from beneath her cloak. “Ugh,” she groaned. “Who do you think you are, anyway?”

“Twilight Sparkle, number one student of Princess Molestia, I’ve got seven doctorates under my belt, was recently declared the Element of Orgasm, and,” she trailed off as a small blue flask floated before her face, “the mare who’s accusing you of using an illegal potion.”

Trixie’s blue face went sheet white at the sight of her uncovered trump card.

*Thum* The tremor was strengthening as its cause neared.

Twilight uncorked the stopper and wafted the smell into her nose, wincing back as she got her confirmation. “Essence of poison joke,” she hissed angrily. “Living chaos magic. A highly restricted substance used only with the authority of the crown, yet still popular in the black market as a,” she sneered in disgust, “performance enhancer.” Real performance enhancers were meant to do their namesake and nothing more. Poison joke, at best, could be called an overpriced shortcut. At worst, well, one only needed look at the pile of still exhausted ponies to see why this stuff was restricted.

“Um, that isn’t mine?” Trixie offered weekly.

*Thum*

“Twilight Sparkle,” called a pony from the crowd.

“Mayor Mare?” Twilight recalled, recognizing the mare’s cutie mark.

“Yes, oof,” she huffed as she pulled herself onto the stage to consult Twilight more directly. “You’re the Princess’ student. What’s going on here?”

Twilight flinched at the implication of authority set upon her. Still, a question had been asked and she was under obligation to answer. “It’s my fault, Mayor,” she confessed. “I sent my assistant, Spike, into the show, hoping Trixie’s adjustment of her spell to affect dragons would give me a better idea of what I was dealing with. Magic effects dragons differently than ponies, so any competant caster knows to compensate the spell,” she said derisively, making Trixie flinch. “It never occurred to me that it wasn’t her magic at work, but essence of poison joke.”

Mayor Mare winced and curled her lip in loathing at the sight of the bottle. She knew little about poison joke, save for its status as a highly illegal substance. Already she was imagining the nightmare of paperwork she’d have to endure for allowing such a substance into her town.

*Thum*

“And now, thanks to a magical misfire sending the spell off towards the nearest creature that met the verbally spoken criteria, we’ve now got a giant, fuzzy, young, and likely horny, space bear coming right-”

Raaaaawer!

“-here,” Twilight finished with a conceding sigh.

All around, ponies became petrified with fear as they turned to look at their newest and most intimidating visitor to date.

The great beast was massive, bigger than even town hall. The remains of broken trees surrounded its form as it trudged forward and loomed over the quaint little town. Its flesh was covered in magical fur that reflected the night’s sky, constantly shifting as it moved beneath different stars, even under the last light of day. Its muzzle was relatively short, suggesting its young age, probably no more than four or five hundred years. It reared up on its hind legs, casting a shadow over half of Ponyville, and scratched lazily at its, or rather, her groin.

“Right. GiantESS,” Twilight grumbled flatly. “No idea if that’s better or worse than a male, but at this point I doubt it matters much.”

“Um, Twilight,” the mayor spoke up. “What exactly is the plan for, uh, giant space bear?”

Twilight turned to face the mayor with her flattest, most lifeless stare. “Put your head between your knees and kiss your clit goodbye.”

As if on cue, the ursa let out an even more thunderous roar than before, shattering most of the windows in town. She then fell back to all fours with a bone shaking crash, knocking over virtually everything not nailed down.

Ponies of every sort suffered a terrible horse moment as they scattered and screamed from the startling scene. As was their instinct, many tried to group together for the safety of numbers. However, Twilight knew this to be a mistake, as a large enough moving mass would only serve to garner the bear’s attention.

As predicted, one such group was snatched up mid stride. They struggled and screamed, but the bear’s grip was just too tight. The mighty ursine plopped down onto her tremendous hindquarters, sitting with absolutely atrocious posture as she eyed her catch. About six ponies were squirming around in her grip and some even had parts poking out from between her giant, pudgy fingers. She opened her mouth and let her tongue fall from her lips, along with a grotesque amount of drool. Teeth larger than most ponies glistened under the dimming sunlight, which only made the ponies scream and struggle all the more. Twilight watched in horror as her stomach began practicing gymnastics tryouts. The bear’s look could be described as nothing less than ravenous. Twilight couldn’t tear her eyes away.

With her free paw, the bear plucked one of the ponies from her filled hand, using surprisingly dexterous fingers that seemed to cause no harm. The pony, a stallion, screamed. He begged, he bargained, he mentioned his family, but the bear was deaf to all of it. The bear licked her chops and the stallion briefly lost all control, releasing his bowels.

Twilight felt a twinge of hope. Most wild animals hated feces, so maybe the stallion’s involuntary bowel movement had just saved his life?

No. The bear didn’t even seem to notice as she eyed the puny little pony. The stallion, tears pouring from his eyes, wrapped his arms around his face. He didn’t want to see what was coming next. Then he moved. Wind rushed past his ears so quickly it was almost deafening. The stallion had to struggle just to keep his hooves from flailing limply in the current. A rapid descent took the little pony downwards… away from the bear’s hungry maw?

Twilight was left to question this odd turn of events for only a second before the answer made itself apparent.

Summoning what remained of his courage, the stallion dared to open his eyes. He’d felt the rushing sensation of movement that jostled his stomach, but it was heading down. Could the bear be setting him free? Had it listened to his pleas for mercy? What was that smell?

When the stallion was finally able to see, his eyes shot open with a start. He had never seen a pussy that big, or that hairy. It was about the size of a door, and maybe a little bigger when it winked. Wait… the pussy was winking. The giant bear’s pussy was winking… and he was getting closer.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Twilight exclaimed as she watched the bear insert the stallion headfirst into her pussy. The bear gave a low growl in her throat, which Twilight interpreted as a purr or some other sound of approval.

Carefully the bear experimented with her big burly fingers, moving the stallion back and forth, in and out, and even tried a few circular motions. It seemed to feel very nice as a grin took her toothy maw. She panted happily at how the little pony was moving inside of her sensitive snatch. His little legs were kicking wildly in every direction he could reach, and occasionally he would touch a sensitive spot or two. The feeling was heavenly, but she needed more. She set one massive meaty digit on the little animal’s backside, took a short moment to study the texture of his ass and balls beneath her finger tip, and finally pushed him the rest of the way in.

“Because of fucking course that’s what’s happening!” growled Twilight in frustration.

“What?” Trixie demanded with a confused whimper. “What’s happening.”

“You!” Twilight pointed in accusation. “You happened. You and that dangerous shortcut spell made to give exotic orgasms. It’s affected the ursa to make her start acting like a giantess in some inane amateur clop story.”

“Nailed it,” Pinkie whispered from her hiding spot in the bushes.

Trixie gulped as she stared in amazed horror at the terrible creature. It had picked another pony from it’s paw and already begun the insertion process, growling in delight. “S-so what now?”

“How the hell am I supposed to know?” demanded Twilight. “You cast the spell. Don’t you have some sort of counter?”

“I never needed one before!” Trixie shouted helplessly. “Things just sort of worked themselves out, you know?”

“Oh perfect!” snapped Twilight. “Some magician you turned out to be!”

Trixie flinched back as if struck.

Even in all her anger, Twilight was able to see that she’d gone too far. Still, now wasn’t the time to show weakness. The ursa had just finished off stuffing all the ponies she’d initially captured up her ursine pussy. She sat back a moment with a silly grin on her fanged face, swaying this way and that as she experimented with compressing and relaxing the muscles holding her living sex toys in place. However, like any good size queen, she quickly came to realize that this paltry amount was not enough and began her hunt for more.

“Do something, Trixie,” called one of the colts from earlier. “You’re the greatest sex magician in the land.”

Trixie felt her insides clench. Apparently this colt and his friend beside him hadn’t heard the part about her using an illegal substance, leaving them still enthralled by her display of bedazzling power from earlier. They were fans, and they were holding her to account. This was the worst thing ever. “I… Uh.”

“C’mon, Trixie,” the other colt urged. “Do something! We believe in you.”

“Shit,” Trixie hissed under her breath. Finally she stepped forward and charged her horn. “Hey ursa!”

The star bear had once more planted its ass down to play with her recently acquired toys. She had already fit three handfuls into her sex hole, moaning in debased delight at the way all the little critters were moving inside of her. Still, she managed to hear one voice call out over the cacophony of others and turned to face it. It was a little blue mare, marching up towards her with its forehead glowing. The glow was pretty.

“T-t’is I, the g-great a-and,” Trixie paused. Staring up at such big, hungry eyes had made her mind to blank. She’d forgotten how the rest of the line went as her thoughts were drowned out by the overpowering lust of those terrible, gigantic, yellow eyes. “I-I will-hey!” she squealed as a great and powerful paw snatched her up. Trixie felt her stomach sink as she was quickly lifted up to the bear’s giant muzzle. The great and powerful beast stared at her impassively and sniffed.

“N-now look here, you,” Trixie growled, trying to regain some control. The grip of the bear’s fingers were not painful, but they allowed for little room to wiggle. It was a firm yet gentle grip designed to hold something precious and fragile. The thought afforded Trixie little comfort. “How dare you mess with-”

The ursa sneezed, blowing Trixie’s hat and cape right off her body and covering her in a giant lugi.

“… I’ve never felt so gross in my entire life,” Trixie squeaked to herself. Yucky slimy snot was everywhere, making even a pervert like her feel squeamish. Stuff was slipping into crevices and crannies that even one as boastfully experienced as Trixie hadn’t been familiar with until just now.

Unconcerned for the plight of her toy, the bear leaned over to one side. This exposed her rounded and shaggy ass to the world. She lowered her paw back down once more, this time aiming for a different orifice.

Trixie squirmed and tried to pull her way out of the bear’s grip. She tried using magic, but her mind was too chaotic to focus on anything useful. A terrible stench hit her like a sack of bricks as she neared the ursa’s pussy. Ponies of all sorts had been packed together like sardines, just as tightly and just as sticky. It looked like they barely had any room to even kick, let alone try and free themselves. Their screams were muffled, but ranged from pleas to be freed to begging for somepony to touch this or push harder on that. Trixie cringed at she imagined being shoved into the tight orifice with the rest of them. Although the thought of being drowned in sex juices while being pressed in on all sides by equally horny ponies would have sounded terrific in any other circumstance, she was not looking forward to this one bit.

And then she kept going.

“Wait, wat?” Trixie managed to ask.

The bear’s paw had taken her past the stuffed pussy. But why? This was what a giantess did, wasn’t it? Admittedly, this fetish was a little on the obscure side, so Trixie felt no shame in admitting she wasn’t as familiar with it. Her mind became a jumble of thoughts as she struggled to consider what else the bear might have in store for her. And then, a second later when the answer came into her field of vision, her heart sank. The ursa’s ass hole was twitching.

“Well, that was shit,” Snails said impassively as he and Snips watched Trixie being forced head first up the giant bear’s anus.

“Twilight!” Spike screamed, snapping her out of her stupor. After jumping down to the pile of ponies still too exhausted to move, he had grabbed Apple Bloom by the hind legs and was trying to haul her away. Unfortunately, she was just too big for him to do anything. Some ponies were smaller. However, taking one or two of them meant leaving the rest behind. It was an impossible conundrum, especially since it meant leaving his cherished friend to the whims of a sex-starved giant monster. “You have to do something! You’re the only one who can.”

“What am I supposed to do against that?” she asked with a horrified whimper, gesturing at the bear as she tore the roof off a building to get at the ponies inside. She snatched them all up in one go, three mares, and two stallions; promptly shoving both up her ass to join Trixie.

“You’re Twilight – Molestia damned – Sparkle!” Spike snapped back as he released Bloom and ran up to what he realized to be the filly’s only hope. “Figure it out!”

Realizing the truth of his words, Twilight took a breath. She concentrated, trying to center herself on something; anything that might be of use. She was momentarily distracted when she saw Gilda go careening through the skies, a flock of pegasi in her wake. They were flying circles around the ursa’s head and throwing food and furniture at her face. That seemed enough to irk the great bear as she sat up and lazily swatted at the flock. They avoided, but continued to pelt her with any debris they could find.

Somehow, amidst the uproar of the angry bear, screaming crowds, and squawking griffon, Twilight managed to pick up a much more subtle sound. Her ears flicked until they’d zeroed in on the direction of the source and she turned. Fluttershy was standing on the roof of town hall, the tallest building in the area, and conversing with a pegasus stallion. The stallion turned to face the attacking flock and shouted for them to aim for the teats. Twilight watched in fascination as part of the flock splintered off and angled their flight path beneath the ursa’s belly. There they resumed pelting her with debris, but aiming directly for the teats. Twilight wasn’t certain if the ursa’s new growl was one of pain, ecstasy, or a combination of both, but it seemed to distract the bear enough so that she was throwing fewer swipes at her attackers.

“Uh… notes!” Twilight finally realized after watching the animal expert do her thing. “We took notes.”

Spike nodded. In all the commotion, both he and Twilight had let go of their respective notes, leaving them to scatter about. Dutifully the little drake scoured the immediate area and retrieved every last piece of parchment he could find.

Twilight anxiously skimmed through the offered papers, cursing her own poor writing as she was forced to reread certain lines several times. “Let’ see here,” she muttered. It was proving difficult to concentrate with so much noise around her. “Uh… Orgasm!”

“Orgasm?” Spike asked.

“That’s the key,” Twilight exclaimed. “The spell… I’m still not sure how, but it saps the subject’s energy after they’ve achieved orgasm. Even Trixie said that she never needed a counter spell because things just worked themselves out. This must be what she meant. Poison joke is only good for one powerful orgasm before it saps the subject’s energy.” She turned and faced the bear. “If we could get her off, she’ll pass out just like the rest of them.”

“Looks to me like she’s already on the job,” observed Spike flatly as four of the flyers were captured and shoved up the bear’s engorged ass all at once. The bear made an odd face, only for her tongue to fall out in unmistakable pleasure.

“No good,” Twilight countered. “Her vagina and ass hole are so big, she’ll probably have to use the entire town before she’s satisfied. And even then there’s no guarantee she’ll give the ponies back after she’s done.” Pursing her lips and swallowing her building terror, Twilight took a step forward. “I have to do something.”

“That’s my Twilight!” cheered Spike. “I believe in you!”

Twilight smiled gratefully at her little assistant. Just the knowledge that he’d be there to support her made it feel like a great weight had been taken off her shoulders. She took a step forward and, after some last minute mental calculations, readied her spell.

It started simple enough. She summoned a phonograph and set it to start playing smooth jazz, the sexiest music Twilight could think of. The ursa took notice and began to sway in time with the music. Gilda, thankfully, also picked up that some harebrained scheme was at work and ordered the flock to pull back. Twilight intensified the spell by overlapping another layer. This one uprooted one of the town’s water towers. Purple smart strained as she felt her magic envelope the iron container, feeling out every square inch. Zeroing in on where structural integrity was weakest, and therefore most malleable, she began reshaping the metal. There came the terrible screech of scraping iron as the shape of the water tower was twisted into something new. Parts were stretched, matter was compressed and transferred as need be, and hundreds of calculations measuring structural integrity ran through Twilight’s mind. Eventually she succeeded in making the shape more narrow and phallic.

“Don’t let anyone ask you how much you can lift ever again,” Spike whispered in awe, not wanting to break Twilight’s focus.

Twilight then squeezed the water out of the former tower, coating it around the surface, before sending it through one of the dairy farm barns. From there her telekinetic focus was split between carrying the one giant object and caressing hundreds of cow teats. They all mooed in surprised delight as Twilight guided every last drop into and around the giant phallus. She gritted her teeth as she felt leaks dribbling through cracks in the metal. Her work had been too rushed and she hadn’t taken the time to properly seal all the gaps. Unfortunately, the ursa was starting to break free of her jazz-induced trance and Twilight could feel her mana pool draining.

“I…” Twilight strained to say, widening her stance to keep from falling as her horn’s glow grew bigger than her entire body. “I can’t!” she confessed. There were too many variables, too many stressors piling atop one another. There wasn’t the time to check, double check, and triple check her work as she would have liked. She was only one unicorn with only so much magic. It was all just too much and she began to cry at her imminent failure.

Spike was Twilight’s number one assistant, but that was more than just a friendly title. Over the years, Spike had integrated himself to be an irreplaceable part of Twilight’s life, almost like a second horn or a fifth and sixth hoof. He acted as her personal alarm clock, making sure she woke up and went to bed as needed. He brought her sandwiches before she even knew she was hungry, monitoring her diet as if she were his pet. He offered his head to pet whenever she was feeling stressed, and used his claws when she felt the ‘other’ kind of stress. One time he’d even stuck his claw up her ass to alleviate her constipation… a thing they’d sworn to keep secret until their dying breaths.

Yes, Spike knew Twilight. He knew her better than her parents, her brother, Molestia, and even herself. And so, with pride in his unmatched mastery of Twilight and her needs, he wordlessly marched up to give her what she needed.

Twilight could feel the spell matrix begin to falter as her mind drowned out all other sensations that weren’t relevant to her magic. There were simply too many variables all vying for attention from her already strained thoughts, drowning one another out in a cacophony of ethereal chaos. And then she felt it. The sudden application of pressure to her privates had startled her, nearly causing the spell to break down completely. But then the familiarity of Spike’s tongue against her pussy registered in her mind, causing her to relax almost instantly.

Despite having lived with Twilight his entire life, the two had never actually had sex before coming to Ponyville. Sure, they’d sixty-nined and otherwise used mouths and appendages plenty of times, but their genitals had never actually touched. Twilight had earned the title of Molestia’s number one student and fuck toy entirely off of her dedicated use of mouth, hoof, and magic, but never actually took the Princess’ cock anywhere but her mouth. In fact, by the strictest interpretations of the law, both Twilight and Spike would technically be considered virgins before coming to Ponyville. That was where Spike first wet his dick in Apple Bloom and where Twilight had had an unfortunate encounter with Fluttershy’s dogs.

Spike never begrudged Twilight for never properly fucking him, though. He knew her. He knew how she was. She was just so focused on the theoretical aspects of sex that she’d woefully neglected the practical side. The purple mare relied primarily on toys and masturbation to get herself off, learning to use carefully applied stimulation to help herself concentrate when studying. However, on those occasions when toys and magic just weren’t enough, Spike had always been at the ready to show Twilight just how much he really cared for her.

Twilight moaned as she felt Spike’s tongue dig into her moist folds. His practiced appendage knew exactly which spots to press to make her putty in his claws. Speaking of which, one was using two fingers to penetrate her anus while the other was affectionately massaging her balls. His breath was hot against her moist passage and he gave a hum at just the right pitch to send shivers through Twilight’s nerves.

Like magic, the strain of her spell began to ease up as focusing grew easier. As had become their practice every time Twilight had some especially hard test to prepare for, Spike used that wonderful draconic mouth of his to make all of Twilight’s problems seem to vanish. It was like his tongue had reached so far up her pussy that it was now giving her brain a relaxing massage.

Twilight clenched her butt cheeks around Spike’s face. It was the closest she could manage to say ‘thank you’ at this time. Spike gave her clit a tender nibble, showing that the message had been received loud and clear.

Redoubling her efforts, Twilight quickly cast a special ward around the metallic phallus. Even in her more relaxed state, she knew that transfiguring the metal into something that wouldn’t hurt the captured ponies would require strength that she simply didn’t have. Instead, she applied a special sort of buffer around the metal, one that would repel ponies from its surface as if they were magnets sharing the same charge. With no more preparations left to make, there was nothing left to do but begin the operation.

“I hope this works,” she muttered.

Gently Twilight prodded the makeshift dildo beneath the bear’s tail, waiting for it to rise. It did, and Twilight kissed the pointed tip to her already packed vaginal entrance. Already her labor was paying off as ponies were pushed aside by the repellent forces of her ward. This led the first few to be pushed all the way out, where they were swiftly caught by Gilda and the fliers. Without exchanging a single word, Twilight fell into rhythm with the fliers. First Twilight would sink the giant dildo in a yard or two, forcing a few ponies out. Then Gilda and her cohorts would swoop in and catch them. Twilight would then gently pull the dildo out, affording the fliers the time to safely set their charges down before moving back into formation. And on and on it went.

As the roaring was slowly being replaced by a bass purring, more and more ponies dared to poke their heads out from their respective hiding places. The sight of the bear being calmed while a team of fliers worked diligently was enough to assure most that all was under control.

“Twilight!” Mayor Mare called as she galloped up to the pony. “What are you-” Her words were cut short when Spike used his tail to swat a tuft of dirt at her face. She spat and rubbed the irritating particles from her eyes. When she readied to deliver her rebuke, she cringed back at the stink eye he’d leveled her way. “I’ll just…” she backed up, “be over here, shall I?” As an elected official, Mayor Mare had learned when it was time to step back, shut up, and let the experts do their thing.

Twilight had been using the dildo to make careful, measured thrusts for some time. She couldn’t take the chance of her wards failing and ponies being crushed. Then, after several thrusts and no pony being evicted, she shared a nod with two of the pegasi and pulled the phallus all the way out. The pegasi flew up to the bear’s gaping vagina and stared inside her pleasure pocket. One called “Clear!”

“Then let’s finish this,” Twilight said with a determined growl. This time she slammed the giant dildo almost all the way in with one mighty push. The ursa gave a shrill squeal, but pushed her butt back all the same. Twilight appreciated the show of consent and pulled the dildo out to the half way point. A combination of the ursa’s own sexual fluids as well as the mix of water and milk had made the outer hull sufficiently lubed for the task ahead. She slammed back in again, going even deeper than before. Gone was the caution around the safety of the little ponies. This baby bear bitch needed to get fucked and she needed it bad. Over and over Twilight slammed the massive phallus up the ursa’s cooch, digging in as deeply as she could without risking her grip around the base. She was slamming the dildo with such force that it was actually nudging the bear a few feet forward with each powerful shove.

“She’s close!” said Fluttershy in that special way of hers, making herself heard without actually raising her voice.

Twilight lowered her head as if gearing up to charge. Feeling that her magic was almost depleted, she ran one last calculation of the requirements for her last act, and decided it was worth the gamble.

Shmack!

That was the sound of a giant metal dildo slamming into a giant bear’s pussy with enough force to shatter diamond. Shmack! Shmack! Shmack! Twilight imagined a 3D graph of herself overlaying the bear’s body and used the comparison to aim for her own sensitive spots in the bear’s tunnel. It was the best she could manage without a zoology degree.

“Lower!” directed Fluttershy.

“Try giving it a spin,” Rarity added.

Twilight complied with both directions, adjusting her aim and giving the massive metal dong just enough of a twist to be noticeable. Then the bear threw back her head, jaws open in a wordless scream as her eyes rolled to the back of her skull. Twilight felt the ursa’s vaginal muscles clench down on the phallus, crushing the hull. That was her signal for the coup degras. With the last of her magic, Twilight heated the milky interior of the dildo and forced it out the front end and into the bear’s womb. The ursa sucked in one last breath, roared her deafening climax, and fell to the ground with a THUD that could be felt all the way in Canterlot.

The ursa… had been vanquished.

Author's Note

I felt I could have better worked some of the earlier descriptions with the bear nearly eating the ponies to amp up the tension, but the words just didn’t want to come. Overall, I’d say this went pretty well as far as action scenes go. Twilight showed off why she is such a badass and Spike demonstrates how crucial he is towards Twilight’s success. Oh, and Trixie got shoved up where the sun don’t shine. Sounds like a win for everyone!

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