The next day, everyone was anxious to get to Whitetail Woods on time. The Running of the Leaves was a tradition that dated back to the founding of the town. Most earth pony communities had similar practices to manage nature, and all were proudly adhered to. Officially it wasn’t actually a race, but more of a community event, like a parade. Although gift cards were handed out to those who dislodged the most leaves and/or ran the fastest.

“Fillies and gentle colts,” Pinkie announced into her megaphone from her pink and purple balloon hovering over the town. “Welcome to the annual Running of the Leaves. This is Pinkie Pie, your eye in the sky announcer.”

“What’s the matter with you?” Twilight asked of the drake drooping on her back.

“He was hoping to be the announcer again,” Trixie deadpanned. “Honestly, do you ever pay attention to anything around you?” She then hurriedly added, “Mistress.”

“As everypony knows, the Running is a very important tradition,” Pinkie continued to narrate. “For without it, the autumn leaves of Equestria would never fall. So get ready, everypony. The Running of the Leaves will begin in just one hour. Better hurry and sign up if you want the choicest course. Judges have laid out twelve courses this year to ensure maximum leaf falls. So if any of you have a grudge match you’re looking to settle, better not dilly dally.”

“Trixie is already annoyed with seeing you looking so glum,” she informed with a harrumph. “Trixie suggests that you go ask if you can join her up there before you bring down the whole mood.”

“Hey, yeah. Great idea.” Spike hopped down and waddled as fast as his little legs would take him after the balloon. He called over his shoulder, “Thanks, Trixie.”

“You are most welcome,” Trixie accepted, shooting Twilight a smug look of triumph.

“Um, Pinkie Pie.”

“Oh, hey. What’s up, Spike? Wait… It’s me. I’m up.” She giggled at her own bad joke.

“I know you’re doing the announcements today, and I’m sure you’ll do a good job of it, but, uh…”

“Spike. Would you like to be my co-reporter?” she asked knowingly.

“Yeah. That’d be great.”

“Then climb aboard.” Pinkie threw down a rope ladder for Spike to ascend. When he was halfway up, she decided that now was the perfect time to extort him. “Oh, I forgot. There’s not too much room in here, so you’ll have to sit on my lap, if ya know what I mean.” She finished with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle.

“Yeah. I figured as much,” Spike conceded easily. Once he was within the basket that was probably spacious enough for at least six full-grown ponies, the drake offered no complaint as he turned around and lifted his tail.

“Aww, for me?” cooed Pinkie, licking her lips as she ogled those perfectly perky cheeks and the mouth-watering pulsing pecker at their center. “You shouldn’t have.” The pink mare set her hooves on Spike’s hips and – rather unceremoniously – pressed her tip to his entrance. Normally, she’d have preferred to draw this out for a proper fucking, but that wasn’t what they’d agreed to. Instead, she held him fast as she sank her hot dog between his soft little boy buns. “Oooh, yeah. That’s the stuff!”

Spike grunted wordlessly as his anus was penetrated. Mentally he tracked the meat pole along its path as it stretched out his insides and filled him with blissful fullness. He loved it. The first time he’d taken a toy back there, it had been drenched with lube, and even then, it had hurt. But these days, the very idea of an ass fucking causing any pain was no longer even entertained. Futa cocks were the best. In no time at all, Pinkie had sunk all the way to the base, her soft pink teats mushing against the top of his rump. The task complete, Spike heaved a long and satisfied groan.

“There. Your seat is set,” she declared in triumph. Pinkie then scooted along the basket’s floor over to the megaphone and adjusted it so that she and Spike had equal access. “Comfy?”

“A throne fit for royalty,” thanked Spike as he picked up the itinerary. The meat stick shoved up his ass made it awkward to move about, both because it stopped his spine from properly bending and because even the slightest movements felt just too good to ignore. “Alright, ponies, get on your marks. The race will start in just a few minutes.”

“Hey, you’re good at this.”

“Announcing?”

“No, of speaking coherently with a big cock jammed up your butt. That’s a pretty awesome skill.”

“Hey, practice makes perfect.”

Down at the start of lane six, AJ was doing her stretches when a disturbance caught her ear.

“Pardon me. Excuse me. Make way for the Iron Pony,” Rainbow boasted. It was rare for her to give ponies a heads up when heading their way, so most of them were happy to oblige. Getting fucked by the speedster before the race started would leave them exhausted and kill any chance they had of making even the top ten.

“The Iron Phony, ya mean,” AJ jabbed.

“So, Apple Jack.” Rainbow began to hover out of habit. “You ready to win… second place?”

“Ah’m ready ta run a good clean race.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“You are not allowed to use yer wings, remember?”

“Psh. I can win with both wings tied behind my back.” Rainbow then said, “I don’t like the way you’re looking at me.” Before she knew it, her wings had been bound to her sides with… ribbon?

“Ya like it? Ah borrowed it from Rarity. She’s been teachin’ me knot tyin’.”

“And what an excellent student you’re proving to be,” fashion horse called from the sidelines. Civic pride or not, she was not about to get all sweaty in public for something that wasn’t even sexual.

“Least now we know it’ll be a fair race.”

As the pair continued to exchange heated looks, a couple of newcomers stepped up to the line.

“Twilight? Trixie? What in tarnation are you two doin’ here?”

“We’re racing,” Twilight answered enthusiastically.

“Mistress said that Trixie had to,” she grumbled.

Rainbow burst out laughing. “Ha! Good one, Twilight. Hahaha!”

“Um, I’m not joking.”

“What? You’re not an athlete. You’re, well, an egg head.”

“I am not an egg head,” Twilight asserted with a stomp of her hoof. “I am well-read.” And when it looked like Trixie was about to open her mouth, purple smart whirled around on her and pointed a threatening hoof. “Not. One. Word.”

“Very well,” Trixie allowed amicably before shooting a playful look towards the athletes. “Somethings are better left to the imagination, anyway.”

AJ was also struggling not to lose herself to chortles. “But, have you ever run a race?”

“Well… no,” Twilight admitted as the other mares chuckled at her expense. “But I do know a lot about running.”

“And you know this from…?” Rainbow motioned.

“Please don’t!” But Trixie’s pleading came too late.

“Books. Several on the subject.”

Rainbow could take it no more, throwing herself onto her back and rolling around, cackling like she’d lost her mind.

Trixie face-hooved. “You tell Trixie not to embarrass you, only to do so yourself. Brilliant.”

“What? What’d I say? I’m just showing off my scholarly expertise.”

With a deadpan scowl, Trixie motioned to the other ponies in line. All were either looking away or trying to suppress their snickering with varying degrees of success. “You showed up to a dick measuring contest and started bragging about the importance of eye contact.”

“Well… I… Spike’s not here, so it’s your job to keep me from doing stuff like that.”

“Trixie tried, but you ignored her. Not Trixie’s fault you didn’t listen.”

“Ah heard ‘er,” AJ jumped in. “She did try.”

“Whatever. The point is that the Running of the Leaves is a Ponyville tradition, and I’ve decided that the best way to learn is to experience it first hoof.”

“Well, Ah think that’s jus’ dandy, Twilight. Good luck.” AJ’s mask of civility slipped, and she gave another subdued snicker.

“Yeah, see you at the finish line,” agreed Rainbow. “Tomorrow.”

“Alright, ponies,” announced Pinkie from on high. “Are you ready?”

Spike had to lean over slightly to better access the megaphone, the movement causing the cock in his bowels to shift around and make him stutter. “G-get set.” He gave a brief pause as all ponies in all lanes got into position. Even from this high up, he could hear a number of yelps as some opportunists gave into temptation and goosed their competitors. When Spike rang the bell, twelve stampedes were unleashed, kicking up clouds of dust as they stormed into the woods.

“And they’re off,” added Pinkie, briefly distracted as the leaves began to fall like autumn-themed snow. “Welcome to the official coverage of the Running of the Leaves. I’m you’re host, Pinkie Pie. And this is my co-host, who I’m currently butt fucking, Spike. You know Spike, despite the name, the leaves don’t do any of the actual running. No. That’s left to,” she motioned down, “my little ponies-title drop!” she blurted unexpectedly.

“Uh, what?”

“Sorry. I suffer from infrequent bouts of Turrets’ Syndrome where I randomly shout out stuff. Anyway, back to our commentary.”

“Uh, sure. You’re right, Pinkie. In case it wasn’t obvious, the running of the ponies is actually what causes the leaves to fall.”

“Ugh. Those lazy, lazy leaves,” she scoffed. “Fun fact, Spike. I once proposed that instead of running, we should have a town-wide orgy where the sheer force of everypony’s collective pounding dislodges the leaves.”

“That… almost sounds feasible,” he allowed.

“But they said it was against tradition and blah-blah-blah. Anyway, this year it’s about more than just leaves. Down below, we’ve got a grudge match between my two favoritest athletic fuck buddies. They’re trying to settle the score to see who’s the most athletic mare in Ponyville.”

“I think the term ‘grudge match’ implied that,” Spike informed.

“More importantly, grudge rhymes with fudge.”

“Yes, it… wha?”

“And I like fudge. But if I eat too much fudge, I get a pudge, and then I can’t budge. Hehe. Just like you.” Pinkie pressed a hoof down on Spike’s belly, right over where the outline of her cockhead was pushing outward.

Spike stared blankly up at the pink mare. “Uh… sometimes anal sex is called fudge packing?” It sounded silly, but he had no idea of what else to say.

“Well, that was a total non sequitur,” giggled the pink one. “Anyway, it looks like our two star athletes are leading the pack in lane six, running neck-in-neck.”

“Although it looks like the stallions in lane nine have them beat by a good three meters. Come on, girls! You gonna let a bunch of guys hand your asses to you!?”

In answer, Rainbow and AJ kicked it up to the next gear and started pulling even further ahead of the main group. Pinkie continued narrating as one would take a brief lead, only to be overtaken by the other, and back and forth they went. It was clear that the two were too focused on one another to notice much else. And then AJ pulled way way ahead.

“Not so easy without wings, is it?” she taunted.

Her breathing heavy yet controlled, Rainbow said to herself, “Come on, Rainbow. Show her some dash!”

“And Rainbow is quickly closing the gap. What an upset,” Pinkie cheered.

“You know, even if I were allowed to run, I doubt I’d actually win,” Spike admitted. “I’d get too distracted by all the pony butts bouncing ahead of me.”

“You’re telling me. That’s why I’m the announcer. This way, it’s basically my job to stare down at pony butts. Now, if only the ground were reflective, I’d be able to stare at the extra juicy parts too.”

Down below, the competitors were so wrapped up in one another that AJ forgot to watch her hooves and tripped. She stumbled, falling flat on her face as Rainbow and the rest of the lane ran ahead. “Ugh. Ah don’t believe it.”

“I know,” Twilight whimsically agreed as she casually trotted up and motioned to the barren trees and fallen leaves. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Ugh. Not the scenery, Twilight. Rainbow Dash jus’ tripped me!”

“She did not. And if you’d slowed down to look where you’re going, like me, you’d see that you tripped over a rock.”

“Wow.” Trixie trotted back from the main gathering of racers. “Trixie saw Twilight by herself and figured she ought to save her from eating her own hoof, but that was impressively observant of you, Mistress. Well done.”

“Do you have to put it that way?” Twilight whined her annoyance.

“… Yes.”

“Aww, hayseed,” AJ swore. “Now Ah got a lot ‘f ground ta cover ta catch up with Rainbow.” And she took off.

“Just be careful.” Twilight trotted along merrily, taking in the sights with Trixie keeping pace. “You sure you don’t want to run ahead with the others? I’m saving my strength for later, but you can race your way if you want.”

Trixie scoffed. “And what? Not win some stupid gift card? Trixie knows she’ll get a lecture from Spike if she leaves her Mistress alone to embarrass herself, and Trixie, anymore.”

“So… you’re more worried about Spike’s disapproval than mine?”

“All you can do is spank or fuck Trixie ‘til she’s sore. But Spike has the look.”

Twilight shuddered. The look was something the little guy had picked up from her mother. Somehow, he was able to perfectly imitate that look of soul-shattering parental disappointment. He didn’t use it often, but that just made it all the more devastating when he did whip it out. “Ugh. Fair enough.”

Up above, Pinkie had a hoof to her earpiece and relayed what she’d heard from her hidden listening devices.

“Aww. That’s so sweet. I’m proud of her.” Spike looked down on Trixie with an approving grin.

“Hey, nerds. What’s up?”

“Hi Gilda,” Pinkie waved. “Besides all of us, not much. Whatcha doin’?”

“Clean up duty. We’re knocking down whatever leaves the runners miss, but there isn’t much to do right now.” She looked down, her eagle eyes fixing on the point where Spike’s plush rear enveloped Pinkie’s crotch. “So you dorks have been like that this whole time?”

“Yaperoony. Spike’s my very special cock sock. Why? You getting any ideas for a certain blue pegasus?”

“I, uh, should get back to work.” Gilda dove back down, away from Pinkie’s prying.

“You know Spike,” Pinkie said into the megaphone, “there are lots of ways for ponies to enjoy this kind of non-thrusting sex. They could, for instance, have the lighter pony tied underneath the bigger pony’s belly. The bound pony could be facing front or back. Facing the front only really works if the walking pony has a dick, but facing the front allows both parties access to the others’ genitals. The lighter pony could also ride on top, but again that only really works if the rider has a dick or a double dildo. But in the case of Gilda and Rainbow, Gilda would have to be the one walking, but I really don’t see Rainbow being bound like that. Maybe she can ride up top, but that’s just not the same.”

“That’s very informative, Pinkie, but what does any of that have to do with the race?” Spike asked, feeling a little funny.

“Eh. Not much. I’m kinda seeing how many ponies I can distract with sexy talk. And by the look of things,” she leaned over the edge of the basket, “quite a few.” More than a third of the racers had stopped to address their building frustrations either through masturbation or finding somepony to help. “A new personal record.”

Meanwhile, in the story that actually matters, AJ had caught up with Rainbow in no time, and the two were neck-in-neck once more.

“Not so fast, Apple Jack. This race isn’t over yet.”

“It is fer you, skinny buns.”

This time it was Rainbow’s turn to get so caught up in the race that she failed to notice an errant obstacle, causing her to trip and tumble. Once the rest of the stampede ran past, Rainbow sprung up from a pile of leaves, spitting out several. “I don’t believe it. Apple Jack tripped me.”

“Don’t you ponies ever look where you’re going,” chided Twilight as she and Trixie came up. “You tripped on a stump.”

“Oh, I see,” Rainbow growled dismissively. “A big cheater is what I see!”

“Really? Because it looked to Trixie that you tripped almost a full meter behind the orange one. Unless she’s hiding a horn under that hat, the only way Trixie sees she could have cheated is if she used her farm girl allure to distract you.”

“It’d work on me,” Twilight confessed matter-of-factly.

“Wha… That’s just… I beh… No way! I’m Rainbow Dash, dammit! There’s no way under Molestia’s sun that I’d ever get thrown off by that stupid hillbilly hick’s sumptuous apples-I mean fine flanks-I mean hot buns-I mean… Grr! I’m not going to let her get away with this.” And she charged ahead, leaving the unicorns behind.

“Is it just Trixie, or is there an inordinate amount of sexual tension between those two?”

“Very strange,” Twilight agreed as they continued at their more leisurely pace. “All the signs are there pointing to a need to fuck, but it doesn’t make any sense. Rainbow and AJ fuck all the time, so what’s there to be frustrated about?”

“True, but when’s the last time they had sex?”

Twilight’s ears shot up on high alert. “Fucking vs. sex. One implying more of a carnal pursuit, while the other insinuating more of a bonding experience. Hmm, now that I think about it, AJ and Rarity haven’t fought as much since our sleepover. You think that one or both of them might be secretly craving greater intimacy, but are just too proud to come out and admit it, possibly as a side effect of their futa balls upping their testosterone levels?”

“Uh… Don’t know. Trixie was cleaning this morning and saw that pamphlet from Princess Cadence: Fucking vs. Sex, and thought it might be relevant. Trixie didn’t actually read any of it, though.”

Twilight grinned sadistically, finally seeing an opportunity for revenge. “Well, Trixie. I know it’s been a while, but once again, you surprise me with your accidental brilliance.”

“A fine burn, Mistress.”

“Thank you,” beamed Twilight, crowing proudly in her own mind at finally turning the tables on the smart-mouthed slave.

“Almost as impressive as Mistress being socially literate enough to construct said burn.”

Twilight’s ears drooped as she visibly deflated. Her victory had been nice while it lasted. “Shut up.”

“Welcome back, Ponyvillians. I’m still your host, Pinkie Pie. Still butt fucking my underage cohost.”

“And I’m still Spike, now wondering if this counts as fucking if we aren’t actually humping. But back to the race, it looks like Rainbow is working her hardest to catch up with AJ.”

“I’m not sure how ketchup is going to help her. Ooh. Except in a hay dog eating contest. That’d make them puppies go down smooth. Or a hot dog eating contest, but where the dog is really the dick. Same strategy. I’d actually prefer mustard either way, but I do speak from experience that mayonnaise works as the superior lubricant. What about you, Spike?”

“I like, um, pickles. I’m also wondering if I might be hi right now.” He grabbed his head to steady himself, suddenly feeling awfully lightheaded.

“Of course you’re high, Spike. We’re just below the lower clouds.”

“That’s not what I—”

“Also, I took a bunch of pills this morning. I had a lot of ‘em just lying around, so I threw them all in a blender and baked ‘em into a batch of brownies. They tasted great, though now I’m wondering if you might be getting a contact hi from me leaking pre in your rectum.”

“That… makes way too much sense,” conceded Spike, sinking down as low as the rod up his butt would allow in the hopes of lying down.

Down on the ground, away from the racers, conversations were had after hearing the admissions from the balloon.

“Should we be worried about that?” Gilda asked.

“Eh, it’s Pinkie Pie,” said Lyra dismissively. “Whatever it is, thinking about it just makes things worse.”

Back with the racers, Rainbow had once more pulled ahead. Spying a low-hanging branch, she couldn’t help herself. “Special delivery!” She grabbed the branch in her mouth, held on for a split second, and then let it go, smacking AJ right in the face.

“Agh! What the-?” Seeing Rainbow blow her a raspberry, there was only one suitable response. “Oh, now ya gone done did it!” Using a different, larger branch as a sling, AJ was able to launch herself forward, bypassing Rainbow entirely without dislodging any leaves.

“Hey, I thought you said no flying!”

“We agreed no wings,” AJ called back.

“Oh, you little cunt!” Smoke billowing from her nostrils, Rainbow quickly caught up and, in an impressive display of wing power, snapped the ropes and whacked AJ upside the head.

“Who you callin’ a cunt, cunt?” With grace better suited to a ballerina, AJ jumped ahead, spinning around mid-air, and delivered multiple mighty smacks of her cock to Rainbow’s face.

“Dick slapping? Now that’s low, even for you, apple ass.”

“Must’ve knocked a few screws loose, at least. Otherwise, you’d know apple ass is a compliment.”

“Grr. That’s what I hate about you. You think you’re so tough and so pretty. It’s infuriating!”

“Look who’s talkin’. Ya’ll can barely go five minutes without braggin’ ‘bout whatever record ya’ll jus’ broke. Pinkie says record keepers actually send ya’ll hate mail fer makin’ them have ta keep reprintin’. Now that’s infuriatin’.”

“That’s nothing compared to what you do. You use your stupid arousal powers to make everypony obsessed with you. It’s gotten to the point I can’t hump anypony in town without being compared to you. Even when I’m better, you’re still the standard I’m judged by. Do you have any idea what that’s like?”

“Ya’ll seriously jus’ ask that? Ah can’t count the times Ah’m tryin’ ta get all sweet ‘n’ cozy with somepony, when out o’ nowhere they asked me ta be rough like Rainbow mother-buckin’ Dash.”

“Wait… They do?”

“Yeah. ‘N’ Ah try. Ah really do. ‘N’ it pisses me the buck off when they want Rainbow style lovin’, but come ta me instead! But Ah still try, cuz Ah care what mah partners think.”

“Argh! There you go again with your stupid caring. You’re like Fluttershy. Inviting and wholesome, but without being such a pussy. Sometimes just thinking about you gets me so hot I have to stick my ass in the freezer just to buy time until Gilda gets home.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, yer always—” Whatever words AJ had meant to say, whatever compliments dressed up like insults she intended to hurl at her opponent, were muted. The words were smothered under a pair of cyan lips smashed into the orange mare’s snoot, scooped up by an invasive tongue, and gluttonously gobbled up.

Rainbow pulled away, but now with a hot blush on her cheeks as both mares kept running. Unable to stand AJ’s stunned expression, she looked away. And in so doing, once more failed to notice an obstacle in the road, tripped, but this time accidentally tumbled into apple horse. As limbs became entangled, the speedster tried to use her wings to regain some measure of control, but only succeeded in propelling their combined state even faster.

“Hey! What-ja, ow! That’s sensitive.”

“Not my fault. You’re the one who’s got her stupid butt in my face,” snapped Rainbow as a pair of round and luscious orange cheeks pressed against the side of her head, the wet slit between them winking and releasing its aromatic pheromones.

“Watch where yer pointin’ that thing. Almost poked mah eye out!” AJ sneered back as the dark blue cock jabbed at her face like it was playing a game of does-this-annoy-you.

“Don’t like it? Deal with it. I’m trying to steer this crazy thing.”

“Okay, fine.” Without another word, AJ dropped her mouth onto the blue mare’s blue shaft. It tasted salty from all the sweat, but also sweet and just a bit meaty. With practiced expertise, she swirled her tongue around the flat and drooling tip, which was even more delicious. She knew she was doing a good job when Rainbow started to moan, signaling apple horse to bob her head lower. Rainbow’s meat pole effortlessly slipped past her uvula and into her gullet, which in turn made AJ moan. She didn’t have a particular preference for deep throat, but it was something that she never failed to enjoy.

“Wow, Spike. Look at that. What would you call that?”

“Why do I taste purple?”

“Well, it looks to me like a mobile hamster wheel. Except there aren’t any hamsters, and the wheel is just two ponies fucking. I guess you could call that a sex wheel, although I think that name’s already been taken by that thing I saw in Rarity’s basement that one time.”

“It is,” fashion horse offered helpfully.

“In that case, it looks like the fuck wheel is rolling along down the course. Oh! And now it’s bumped a bucket in the sap collecting orchard, which is filled with sap!” she said as if it were some great revelation. “If they weren’t stuck together before, they definitely are now.”

Even though they couldn’t see, just hearing Pinkie’s description gave the CMC horrific flashbacks.

“And now it looks like the sticky wheel of ponies sixty-nining each other has found its way up a rock formation. This caused a small avalanche, which has revealed a long-lost creature that’s been hiding for so long that it almost disappeared into myth.” Pinkie leaned out of the basket and waved frantically. “Hi, Skuzzlebutt!”

“Grr.”

“I don’t know what’s real anymore,” Spike whimpered.

“And the three-sixty, sixty-nine is back in the lead. Rainbow has her full snout buried in AJ’s twat. Oh, but what’s this? AJ not only has Rainbow deep throated to the base, but now she’s trying to work the balls in her mouth as well. Talk about dedication. Uh-oh. Now the wheel is ping-ponging through the trees, making bing-bong sounds like this were a pinball game. What a performance!”

Back with the cleanup crew, Gilda had fixed a deadpan glare on Lyra.

“Hey, don’t look at me. You’re the one who probably made it worse by thinking about it.”

“Oh, it looks like it’s gonna be a close one,” Pinkie excitedly narrated. “Both ponies are still tangled like a ball of yarn. Apple Jack takes the lead. Now Rainbow Dash. Now it’s Apple Jack again. Now it’s… Gummy? Wait, no. Different alligator in the road. My bad, folks. However, she does look pretty ornery. Anyway, it’s Rainbow Dash. Apple Jack.”

The ponies within the wheel had completely forgotten about the race. All that mattered now was the competition of beating the other. The unspoken goal was that the first to cum would lose. What would they lose? Who the hell cared? The point was to win. Both were going at each other’s groins with such vigor, such passion, that they were barely even aware of their own impending climaxes. And when they finally crossed the finish line, and the dust settled, both mares had faces and manes utterly drenched. More unsightly were the bruises covering their bodies and all of the debris stuck in their fur. Such unsightly filth on otherwise lovely mares was so atrocious that Rarity had to look away before she threw up. At least they’d come unstuck.

“Ugh,” Rainbow groaned, so dizzy she couldn’t tell left from Wednesday. “Who won?” Obviously, the most pressing question, though most found it odd that she was directing her inquiry at her knee.

“You tied.”

“Tied!?” AJ and Rainbow asked in unanimous shock, staring up at the pink mare.

“Fer first?”

Pinkie answered as perkily as always, “For last.”

“Buh… then who took first?”

Twilight pranced over, happy as could be with a medal around her neck.

“You?” the pair demanded in disbelief. Losing was one thing, but being beaten out by arguably the least athletic member of their little group was downright shameful.

“Oh, no, but I did get fifth place, which is rather good considering I’ve never run a race before.”

The blue unicorn beside her owner puffed out her own medal-adorned chest and declared, “Trixie won third.”

“Ah don’t… how’s that even possible?”

“You ran so slow,” Rainbow agreed.

“An’ ya looked at scenery!”

“Exactly. I paced myself, just like my bo—”

Trixie cleared her throat. “Erhem! Nerd-stuffed-in-locker. Erhem!”

“Oh, right. Let’s see. By applying the skills pioneered by professionals, I knew to pace myself at the start, wait for everypony else to tire out, and then sprint to the finish.” Twilight glanced at Trixie for approval.

“Eh, good enough. About two places behind the Great and Powerful Trixie,” she said, poking at her medal, “but good enough. At least Trixie’s Mistress didn’t tie for last place. What an embarrassment that would be.”

With bragging completed and tactical superiority properly asserted, Twilight had some smarts to show off. “Speaking of which, I have a theory that you two are acting so bull-headed because you’re experiencing some pretty heavy sexual tension.”

“Pfft! As if,” Rainbow scoffed, turning her back on the orange mare.

“That don’t make a lick o’ sense, Twi. Ah jus’ came all over her face ‘n’ Ah’m still pissed off.”

“I don’t know. I think Twilight might be onto something,” offered Pinkie as her balloon descended. She hopped out and casually strolled over as though Spike wasn’t spaced out, still speared on her cock, and bouncing against her belly. “I was listening in, and you two were complimenting each other pretty aggressively back there. AJ, you said that Rainbow makes a habit out of breaking records. And Rainbow, you said AJ’s super sweet and caring. Plus, there’s the stuff you said to Gilda last night.”

“What!? How do you know what I… Oh, wait.” Rainbow’s ears drooped in surrender. “Forgot who I was talking to for a second.”

“I’m no Cadence,” Twilight continued, “but I’ve been reading a lot of her recent publications. And by the looks of things, you two are showing signs of insecurities brought on by your inability to confess your real feelings for one another.”

“Ugh. More egg head talk.”

“According to Cadence, the best solution for this kind of problem is for you two to go on a proper date. A moonlit dinner with candles kind of date, not a ten-second quickie.”

Rainbow pretended to gag. “You know that kind of romantic shmaltz ain’t my style.”

“What’s this I hear about you going on a date?” Gilda asked eagerly as she flew over and touched down.

“Oh, hey, Gilda. Twilight thinks I’ve got some… What was it?”

“Deep seeded romantic feelings for Apple Jack manifesting as insecurities due to your inability to—”

“Yeah, yeah. That crap. And that the only way to get over it is to go on a moonlit candle dinner date with AJ. Stupid, right?” Rainbow smirked smugly, confident in her old friend to have her back and validate her defiance.

“Hmm. Yeah. I’m not so sure a moonlit dinner is such a good idea,” Gilda agreed after a period of thought.

“Hah. See!” Rainbow pointed at Gilda, feeling vindicated.

“Rainbow can’t handle sitting still for too long. And if she’s not doing something physical, she can get distracted pretty easily. A moonlit walk would be more her speed. Something outdoorsy would be nice, and maybe a picnic if there has to be food.”

“What? Gil,” Rainbow whined like a petulant foal.

“Hey, you asked me a question; I gave you an answer. Would you, or would you not prefer a hike through the woods over a candle dinner at some fancy-schmancy restaurant?”

Rainbow’s eye twitched. She finally knew what it was like for Twilight when Spike threw logic at her. It was the worst. “That’s beside the point!”

“A hike don’t sound that bad, actually,” AJ reluctantly admitted. “Some nice trails near Sweet Apple Acres. We can walk, pop by the swimmin’ hole, ‘n’ then have a picnic. Not that Ah’m interested in that or anythin’!” she hurriedly amended.

“Tsundere moment,” Pinkie stage whispered for all to hear.

“What’d ya’ll jus’ call me?”

“A pony who hides her feelings of romance behind a mask of aggression,” summarized Twilight.

Gilda stepped forward. “Dash, you know I’d never leave my best gal hanging, right? So trust me when I say you’ve got apples on the brain. This ain’t gonna go away until you do a proper kiss and makeup.”

Rainbow fumed silently up at the larger omnivore. She wanted to knock her down and rape her ass until she saw the error of her ways, but that impulse died quickly. The more she thought about it, the more she didn’t hate the idea of trying something other than her usual domination, especially with Apple Jack. With a roll of her eyes, she groaned and declared, “Fine! I guess it wouldn’t kill me to go on one stupid date with the stupid apple picker.”

“‘N’ Ah suppose Ah can stomach spendin’ a few hours gettin’ cozy with the only non-Apple in town with the chops ta keep up with me.”

Author's Note

I had way too much fun with complimentary insults. As a discovery writer, things just happen with little planning on my part, but I like how the sexual tension evolved between these two. AJ and RD are both alphas in their own way, so they ought to compete for dominance, but they’re also deeply attracted to each other, so a spat like this was bound to happen sooner or later. It was also a lot of fun to give the other ponies things to do, showing that this is a lived-in world where the characters still have their own lives outside of the episode’s story.

Tier 1: sevensix
Tier 2: Haveclav, Magetsu88, Da Ian, icantthingofgooduser, Neural Shock, and NakeyJakey
Tier 3: Drake565
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