Twilight, Spike, Trixie, and Pinkie had decided to visit a local tea house for lunch. They served great sandwiches, allowing the four to relax as they ate.

“So, when did you first notice these spasms?” Twilight asked, levitating a quill to take notes as she ate.

“Oh, I don’t really remember. My parents said I was only a baby when they first noticed weird stuff with my body.”

“So… a yearling?”

“More or less. My body would start spasming in these really weird ways, and then I’d start to react. Like the twitchy tail. Even as a baby, when my tail started twitchin’, I’d always start crawling for cover. Eventually, my folks noticed the pattern and started following my lead.”

“Fascinating,” Twilight remarked. “So would you say that you understood on an intuitive level what these spasms meant from an early age, or did you have to learn?”

“Uh…”

“Did you know automatically?” Spike rephrased.

“Oh. Well, I guess it was kind of both. Like the achey shoulder meaning there’s an alligator in the tub. That didn’t start happening until after I met Gummy. Then, after a couple of times, I figured out that I got a new addition to the extended family of Pinkie Sense thingies. But for the tail twitch, that was pretty much from the start.”

“Interesting. Interesting.”

Having just swallowed a bite, Trixie leaned over to look at Twilight’s notes. To call them chicken scratch would be an insult to chickens. She then looked her master square in the eye, frowned, but elected not to say anything, knowing that would upset Twilight more.

Twilight tried not to let Trixie’s silent critique bother her and focused on Pinkie. “So your Pinkie Sense started with a limited vocabulary, so to speak, and it’s been building ever since you were born?”

“Yaperoony!”

Twilight nodded and looked over her notes. “This still doesn’t add up for me. The data’s there, but it really shouldn’t be. Millions of ponytails shake all the time, and there’s no discernable correlation between falling objects. So why is it that you, of all ponies, have the tail capable of predicting falling objects?”

“I don’t know.” Pinkie took a sip of her drink. “Maybe because I’m an Element of Debauchery?”

“That’s… a really good point,” Twilight conceded. Her note writing doubled in vigor. Spike scarfed the rest of his sandwich down and dove under the table, anticipating his duty. “Let’s see here,” Twilight began, sighing in relief as two sets of familiar, dexterous fingers started playing with her genitals. “Hmm. The commonly accepted theory regarding cutie marks is that ponies are born with a certain destiny. In a sense, the mark is there from birth, but the foal it belongs to must have some personal revelation for the mark to appear. Following that logic, one could argue that we were born to bond with the Elements, meaning that particular events would have happened in our lives to ensure that we were all in Ponyville exactly when we needed to be.”

“Wow,” Trixie awed. “Even you’re writing is improved with help.” She motioned to the scribbles that were now bordering on legible and looked under the table. “You’re not secretly some diabolical puppeteer, are you? Because if so, Trixie is completely on board with whatever schemes you have cooking.”

Spike tried to ignore the magician, but chuckled around his mouthful as his hands continued their work. His excuse for not offering some witty remark was that he had more important priorities.

Twilight gave a dismissive snort. “From what I recall of Looking Glass’ theory, he had dismissed other events in his subjects’ lives in favor of focusing only on those events most directly related to their unusual abilities. But if all factors are accounted for, it might be that this phenomenon acts as a more subtle influence, guiding specific ponies to predestined moments of importance.”

“It has been many years. However, Trixie recalls one of the ponies being observed later going on to accidentally,” she said with air quotes, “discovering a way to breed two different plant species into a new kind of crop, saving his town from starvation. Trixie remembers because she thought it was so ridiculous how a series of blunders that nearly got the poor stallion killed ended up making him a hero, and purely by accident.”

Twilight nodded. “I remember that, too.” Once more, purple smart was starting to shake with excitement. “Yes! I think we’ve got a working hypothesis!”

“Yipee!” Pinkie cheered. “So does that mean we can fuck now? Cuz you brought it up earlier, and I’ve kinda been thinking about it all day.”

“Of course, we can.” Twilight hopped down from her seat, barely giving Spike time to pull away as she circled around the table to Pinkie’s side. Then without another word, she gripped the cotton candy head in her magic and forced the mare’s lips against her own. Pinkie, as ever, tasted sweet.

“Hmm.”

“What?” Spike asked Trixie.

“What about what?”

“That ‘hmm.’ What was that?”

“Oh, nothing, Trixie is just wondering why Twilight is not having celebratory sex with you, the dragon who actually worked to help make this discovery possible, or even Trixie, who was subjected to arduous and painful humiliation as a test subject. Instead, she chooses to snog the mare who’s basically been sitting around doing nothing while we”—she motioned between herself and Spike—“did all the work.”

Spike tilted his head. “Are you… jealous?”

“Wha… I… psha,” Trixie stammered. “Trixie would never be jealous of something so petty.” She turned away and began loudly slurping her drink. “Trixie is just wondering why you, the trusted assistant, aren’t insulted by such thoughtlessness.”

Spike heaved a heavy sigh. “Yeah. Twilight can be pretty thoughtless sometimes.”

“Some?”

“Okay, most of the time,” he amended. “But it’s not like she’s being malicious. Besides, if you want a reward fuck, I’m available.” He opened his arms as if to offer a hug.

Trixie paused. It had actually been her intent to sew distrust in the little dragon, but his sincere offer had touched her in a way that she hadn’t expected, nor could she properly articulate. So, her only response was, “Um, sure.”

“You’re aware I heard all of that, right?” Twilight grumbled as Pinkie happily nuzzled her.

“Trixie is aware that mistress has adequate hearing, yes.” However, Trixie’s condescending smirk was short-lived when a lavender aura engulfed her frame, flipped her upside down, and brought her nose-to-nose with Twilight.

“Ya wanna rephrase that?”

Trixie sheepishly tried to shrink herself down. “Um, Trixie apologizes, mistress. She did not mean to be disrespectful.”

Pinkie tittered. “Even I know that’s bullshit.”

“Not helping,” hissed Trixie.

“What? It’s not like I said it was some kind of problem. If anything, I think it’s kind of cute,” Pinkie explained.

“Cute?” demanded the pair of incredulous unicorns.

“Yeah. Sometimes you can tell that ponies are really good friends because they’re comfortable with fighting a lot. In your case, it’s kind of like Trixie is trying to get a rise out of you as a kind of flirting.”

“That’s just ridiculous!”

“Trixie concurs. Trixie is merely expressing frustration with her life circumstances and nothing more.” She folded her arms and turned away.

“You know what, I’m not even in the mood to discipline you anymore,” Twilight grumbled tiredly and gently set Trixie down. “Just, ugh, you two go over there and do whatever you want.”

“What’s the matter, Twilight?” Spike asked.

“Huh?”

“You’re all down all of a sudden. You were raring to go just a minute ago.”

As her face scrunched in a look of constipation, Twilight pulled her notes back out again. “I know we’ve made all these findings, almost proving a theory that’s even older than Equestria, but it still feels like there’s something missing. The pieces just aren’t connecting for some reason.”

“Something like what?”

“Hold on a second,” Trixie cut in, raising her hoof. “You’re seriously putting sex aside because you’re bummed that the series of breakthroughs you’re making aren’t immediately making sense?”

“Um, not how I’d put it, but kinda. Why?” Twilight looked between her audience of three. Spike had averted his gaze, looking embarrassed, but Trixie and Pinkie were far worse. The mares accosted her with eyes full of pity. “Don’t look at me like that! I’m perfectly comfortable with my own, um, eccentricities.”

“You poor thing,” gushed Pinkie, pulling Twilight into a bone-crushing hug.

“There, there,” added Trixie, grabbing Twilight’s hoof and gently stroking it. “It’ll be okay.”

“… I hate all of you,” Twilight groaned, though still burying her face in Pinkie’s sweet-smelling fluff.

Trixie could barely keep the smirk off her lips. “Trixie knows, and Trixie is here for you.” And for her less than pure intentions, Trixie received an unintended cock slap right to the face, knocking her on her ass.

“Woahohohoh!” wooed Pinkie, now shaking worse than that time she’d tested how many vibrators she could shove up her body at once. However, slightly more noticeable was how her penis seemed to be going haywire. It didn’t know whether to be erect or flaccid, flopping vertically, horizontally, doing the helicopter, or lashing out like an angry snake.

Understandably freaked out, everyone gave the mare her due space.

“Uh-oh. What does that one mean?” Spike asked, not sure where to look for what was surely some sort of truly horrific doom.

“I don’t know. I’ve never gotten anything like that before,” Pinkie admitted after the spasm calmed as Twilight readied her notes. “But whatever that was about, it was a doozy! Something you never expect to happen is gonna happen.” Then, Pinkie suffered another full-body spasm, causing the other to back further away. When it passed, she looked thoughtful for a second, and then her eyes went wide with shock. “And it’s gonna happen at Froggy Bottom Bog!”

While the others gasped in shock, Twilight was less impressed. “How?”

“What?”

“How do you know this? How do you know that this spasm is in reference to some truly unexpected event? Most of your predictions seem pretty unexpected if you ask me. And how do you know the location? What part in”—she gestured at Pinkie—“all of that tells you Froggy Bottom Bog? You said that you learned the alligator in the tub sign after repeat concurrences with said pet alligator, but if this is your first time, how can you know anything?”

“What’s happenin’ here?” AJ casually asked as she approached, carrying a cart full of supplies.

“The pink one just suffered a full-body twitch, the likes of which she’s never experienced before, and thinks that something big’s going down in Froggy Bottom Bog,” summarized Trixie.

“Hold on. That’s where Fluttershy ‘n’ Gilda are headed,” remembered AJ, making all look doubly worried.

“Is it about them?” Spike asked.

“Uh, I’m not sure,” Pinkie whimpered helplessly.

“We’d better go make sure they’re okay,” declared AJ, leading the charge towards the Bog as the others followed.

“Trixie thought that mistress didn’t believe; that the connections weren’t connecting,” she inquired as she ran behind Twilight.

“Twilight is-ugh! I mean, I’m still skeptical about this whole deal, but it’s not like I can just let the subject of my research go running into a potentially dangerous location while suffering weird spasms.”

“What about you?” Spike asked from Twilight’s back. “Why are you running towards potential danger?”

Trixie sneered at both the drake and purple smart. “What? Just because it’s something unexpected doesn’t necessarily mean dangerous.” She averted her gaze. “Besides, if something did happen to those two and Trixie were absent… I’d feel shitty.”

Nothing more was said as the four mares and their drake passenger raced on.

***

Meanwhile, over at the Bog…

“Why do they call this place Froggy Bottom Bog, anyway?” asked Gilda as she unloaded her amphibious cargo. “With a name like that, you’d think there’d already be a bunch of frogs around here, but I don’t see any.”

Fluttershy tittered. “Oh, the name’s actually kind of clever. It’s actually Froggy Bottom Bog because there’s this natural landmark that looks almost exactly like a frog’s anus.”

Gilda stared blankly at the yellow mare for a good long while, unsure of how to respond. “How the fuck would anyone know that? Why the fuck would anyone know that?” However, when the unperturbed Fluttershy looked like she was about to answer, Gilda threw up a talon in halting. “Wait. I just realized I’m probably better off not knowing.” And she busied herself with spreading the frogs out as she’d been shown earlier.

“Hmm, this is nice,” mused yellow quiet. “It’s very peaceful out here.”

“Yeah, if you can ignore the smell,” grumbled the griffon.

“I can’t even remember the last time the two of us were together alone.”

“Huh. You know what, neither can I.” Gilda rubbed her beak’s chin as she searched her memories. “Come to think of it; I don’t think it’s ever been just the two of us.”

“Oh, my goodness, you’re right!” exclaimed Fluttershy in a soft whisper. Her expression turned forlorn as she looked upon Gilda. “Do you, um, not like hanging out with me?”

Gilda snapped her head to face away, closed her eyes, and held out her talons in front of her face. “Nope. Nope. That’s cheating! It ain’t fair to go lookin’ at folks with those… those eyes of yours. Ya about gave me a heart attack last time.”

“Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to.”

“I know you didn’t. That just makes it worse.”

Fluttershy whined pitifully and pulled away, inadvertently tugging more at Gilda’s heartstrings.

“Ugh, stop it,” Gilda groaned as she grabbed the mare’s shoulder, but wasn’t ready to look her in the eye. “Look, it’s not that I don’t like you, alright. We’re just, ya know, different. Not a lot of common interests.” Feeling Fluttershy relax, Gilda gave the mare a soft grin. “And if it ever looks like I’m avoiding you, it’s only cuz you’re too cute to handle. Like, seriously. You’re crazy cute, girl.”

Fluttershy softly giggled. “That’s good to hear. I was afraid I wasn’t cool enough for you.”

Gilda chuckled. “Thanks, but I’m not that cool.”

“Of course, you are,” Fluttershy protested. “Back at camp, you and Rainbow were the coolest girls around. I always felt so awkward when I was with you, like I was holding you two back.”

“Honestly, I used to think the same,” Gilda confessed. “Course, I was a dumbass birdbrain back then, but I used to get super jealous whenever Rainbow would drag you along for our hangouts. I’d always wonder what’s so special about this butterfly-butted bimbo.” When Fluttershy tried to pull away, Gilda held her fast. “It took me a while to figure out, but I think I finally get it.”

“Oh, y-you do?” Fluttershy asked as Gilda’s claw pulled her into the wren’s fluffy feathers.

“Yeah. Rainbow saw that we both needed help. I only acted cool cuz that’s how I felt when she was around. She doesn’t leave her friends hanging, and since you’re her friend too, that makes you at least as cool as me.”

“You’re just saying that,” Fluttershy dismissed.

“‘Cept I’m not. You helped me get fish on my first day here, all those times we went off to dangerous adventures, you stuck with us, and do I even need to bring up the dragon?”

“But just look at you.” Fluttershy reached under Gilda’s belly to her teats, making the wren’s body seize up. “Your teats are so big and soft, but they don’t look out of place on your body like mine.” She explained while cupping the wren’s left breast and rolling it around.

Even under Fluttershy’s gentle pushing, Gilda felt herself yield under the mare’s expert touch. Her hooves seemed to hone in on just the right spots to send waves of pleasure through the griffon.

“And your wings are so big,” Fluttershy purred as her hooves stroked along the wren’s wing base. “I bet you could carry a whole pony in each of them. And feel that tension,” she added while applying pressure into the joints. Then the pegasus leaned forward and exhaled her hot breath onto the joints, making the fur and feathers bristle. “It’s like somepony took a stretcher and magically enhanced it into these beautiful, perfect wings. And the body they carry is even cooler.”

“Agh, I get it! Please, n-no more,” Gilda pleaded. All six limbs went weak under Fluttershy’s heartfelt praise. Until now, only Rainbow could have this effect on the wren, yet Fluttershy also had this power? Talk about hidden talents. Luckily, yellow quiet relented, allowing the griffon to climb back on her paws and claws. Her fur had pomfed to make her look like she’d just been dried after a wash, her wings were stiff, and her breathing was ragged. “Gah, look what you did to me!”

“Oh, dear, I’m sorry.”

“What? No, don’t be sorry. Be proud,” chuckled Gilda, much to Fluttershy’s confusion. “I mean, look at me. I look ridiculous,” she laughed with avian squawks. “You did this with just a little touching and some nice words. That’s a gift, girl. Cool mares don’t apologize for being gifted.”

Fluttershy perked up. “Y-you think I’m cool?”

“Cool enough that as soon as we’re somewhere that doesn’t smell like dank farts, I’m gonna pay you back,” Gilda threatened with a good-natured grin. “Before I’m done, you’ll be so fluffy; you won’t even be able to move. And then, that’s when the real fun begins.” She finished by suggestively licking her beak.

Fluttershy bit her bottom lip as she ground her thighs together. Her filly pussy ached with need, and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from Gilda’s beak. “Y-you know, yours was the first b-beak that ever l-licked me back there,” Fluttershy breathlessly informed. “We fooled around a little at camp, but that was years ago.” Then, tracing her hoof in the mud and fluttering her eyelashes, she added, “It makes a mare wonder how much better you’ve gotten with experience.”

Gilda licked her beak more dramatically than before at the mare’s sweetly seductive expression. “Hopefully, at least as good as you with those hooves.” As she cozied up to the mare, holding that soft body against her soft feathers, it felt like their faces were getting closer. Any second now, beak would touch lips, so they closed their eyes in preparation. From there, it was anyone’s guess. However, it seemed unlikely that either was willing to wait for someplace more hygienic.

Then, something knocked into Fluttershy and collided with Gilda’s beak. The wren’s eyes shot open to behold Spike’s emerald orbs, so she pulled back in shock.

Spike smirked, still slightly disoriented from Twilight’s sudden stop sending him flying. However, after realizing what he’d done and whose face he was still sitting on, he said, “What? Not even gonna buy me dinner?”

“Fluttershy, Gilda!” Pinkie squealed as she wrapped her arms around both creatures and lifted them high in the air. Then, applying bone-crushing force to her embrace, she exclaimed, “I’m so glad you’re alright!”

“Thank goodness,” AJ sighed as she, Twilight, and Trixie trotted nearby. “We were worried sick.”

Pinkie released her wheezing hug buddies before their faces turned blue.

“Dude, you dweebs just, like, totally killed the mood,” grumbled Gilda after regaining her breath. “Flutters and me were about to start making out.”

“Whoops, sorry,” apologized Spike. “But we were worried. Pinkie’s Pinkie Sense said—”

“Pinkie Sense!?” Fluttershy gave a hissing gasp as she dove under Gilda’s belly. The griffon started moaning when the mare’s quivering wings tickled her erect teats. “Where? What is it?”

“S-someone w-wanna explain what’s happening?” Gilda stuttered.

“The pink one has body spasms that predict the future,” deadpanned Trixie. “She predicted something particularly unusual in this area. Her exact word was ‘doozy,’ so we’re here to investigate. And possibly to prove that Trixie’s mistress shouldn’t hold so tightly to her preconceptions or her obsession with learning everything before accepting it.”

Gilda nodded. “Ah, makes sense.”

“Hey,” whined Twilight.

“Twi, remember what you said about learning lessons from Trixie,” reminded Spike. “I’m pretty sure that might be it.”

Twilight huffed her annoyance. “Why do you always take her side?”

“I don’t. I’m just saying that—”

“No, you absolutely do,” Twilight cut in. “All day, whenever Trixie runs off somewhere, you’re right there beside her.”

“Because Spike has pattern recognition skills on par with Trixie’s,” Trixie boasted. “If mistress had followed our cue, perhaps she wouldn’t have so many bruises.”

“If you’ve been followin’ Pinkie all day, that’s probably good advice,” informed AJ.

“Oh, come on. Now you’re ganging up against me, too? When did I become the bad guy?”

“Twi!” AJ barked, causing all to go silent. “Yer gettin’ hysterical. Shut the fuck up, ‘n’ listen when ponies speak sense to ya, ya hear me?”

Twilight emphatically nodded, too frightened and aroused by AJ’s forceful side to speak.

Then Gilda cleared her throat. “Not to interrupt this little domestic squabble, but what exactly is a doozy, anyway?” She looked at the shivering yellow mare beneath her. “And since I’m being used as a living shield, should we be running about now?”

“Well, there’s an ominous fog rolling in, so that ship might have sailed.” Pinkie indicated the green-tinted mist closing in on them and obscuring their view.

When the mist was close enough to make the others start coughing, Gilda spread her wings to fan it away. Pinkie helped by swirling her tail. As a result, everyone saw the movement just behind the mist. It was big, and slowly pulled up out of the mist to loom menacingly over the group. One shape split off into two, and then four. Mighty stalks swayed like reeds in the wind, and low growls rumbled through the group’s bones. Finally, four sets of sickly green eyes bore down on the friends as mouths split to reveal rows of deadly sharp teeth.

“Is that a hydra!?” cried Pinkie in terror.

“Who cares? Run fer it!” AJ commanded, and they all booked it out of there.

The four heads climbed even higher into the air as the body pulled itself from the muddy swamp. Thick, stumpy legs propelled the creature forward as the heads lunged for their fleeing prey. Luckily, the ponies and griffon were too fast, especially with Spike calling out instructions from Fluttershy’s back.

“Head 2, Pinkie, go left,” Spike ordered. Pinkie dove through a net of roots before the hydra’s jaws closed on her. Instead of a sugary sweet pony, it roared around its mouthful of thorns.

“Gilda, the rock!”

“I see it.” The griffon hopped over to a boulder about as big as a food cart. Then, trusting in her speed, she lifted her tail and shook her ass at the predator. “Come and get this drumstick, dipshit!” Enraged, the hydra’s fourth head lunged, but Gilda was faster. She jumped off in time to hear what she was pretty sure to be a breaking jaw. Looking back, she saw tears pool in the beast’s eyes. “Serves you right.”

The four heads roared in various anguished states as they continued to chase down the group. However, unlike the ponies, the hydra was too big to stick to solid land, and trudging through the muck slowed its progress considerably.

“Great work, everypony,” panted Twilight as they ascended a steep hill. “I think we’re gonna make it.”

“The pink one is still twitching,” Trixie growled as she pointed to Pinkie, who was slowing down to shutter instead of run. “This isn’t over.” Then, just as she was about to pass Pinkie, Trixie lit her horn to carry the pink ponker, only to discover that she was a lot heavier than she looked. “For fuck’s sake, you’re fat!” Trixie strained to say as she maintained the spell.

“Hey, I’m not fat. I’m pleasantly plump, thank you very much,” Pinkie defended.

“If Trixie dies because of your fat ass, consider it haunted!”

“Joke’s on you. It already is,” Pinkie said as though this won her the argument.

“Wait, what?”

“Talk later. Run now!” AJ said as she grabbed both mares’ tails in her mouth and dragged them behind her.

“Gah!” Gilda squawked in pain as she ran up to join the others. “Damn thing grazed me. Now I can’t fly!”

“Why didn’t you fly us away earlier?” Trixie irately griped.

“Because I could only fly, at most, two at a time.”

“Well, you picked an excellent time to be grounded.”

Gilda frowned. “What do you—oh.” All came to a screeching halt at the cliff’s edge.

A series of vaguely hourglass-shaped pillars stretched across the gorge that separated their cliff from another. With the hydra still pursuing them, reaching the other cliff was their best chance to escape. However, the pillars looked like they might crumble under the next heavy wind, let alone handle the ponies, griffon, and drake.

“No time. Quick, one at a time. Cross!” Twilight instructed.

The space between the pillars wasn’t too great for an average pony to leap. Impressively, Fluttershy was the first to go. She continued carrying Spike on account of his stubby legs. Pinkie continued shuttering at the worst possible times, so AJ had to carry her, followed by Gilda.

“He’s too close,” Twilight observed as she lowered into a defensive stance. “I’ll distract him. You go on ahead.”

Trixie hesitated. “Twilight…”

“Go before I spank your ass over,” Twilight barked, never tearing her eyes from the approaching reptile. “Oh, what would a brave pony like Rainbow Dash do?” she asked herself. The answer hit her like a sack of potatoes. “Chaaarge!” she cried as she blindly raced forward. All four heads lunged for her at once as she threw up a shield bubble. Unfortunately, her movements made the spell less sturdy than usual, so one good hit would shatter her only defense.

*Zap-zap-zap*

The hydra shrieked in pain as a series of magic bolts blasted the left eye on each head. Twilight looked over her shoulder to see Trixie still on the dangerous side of the gorge, legs trembling and horn smoking from her attack spells. The two unicorns shared a nod before heading their separate ways. Trixie fled for safety while Twilight maintained course beneath the hydra’s heads and between its legs. The disoriented beast’s heads tried to follow, only to trip over itself. One head wasn’t fast enough to pull away and was crushed under its own fat ass.

Before the creature could right itself, Twilight doubled back. She ran past the hydra for the gorge. Unfortunately, by the time she got there, the hydra was ready for another attack. The second head hung limply over the chest, while the remaining three looked pissed as hell. The third head lunged and missed Twilight. However, whether by accident or intentional, the hydra instead hit the pillars, knocking over several.

“Is the whole fucking universe against me today!?” Twilight screamed.

“T-T-T-Twili-i-ight, you have to j-jump!” stuttered Pinkie, still spasming.

Twilight looked between her cliff and the nearest pillar, estimating that it was slightly smaller than the treebrary’s diameter. “I won’t make it.”

“You’ll be fine,” Pinkie assured.

“… I will not!”

Gritting her teeth, Trixie struggled to her hooves, only to quickly collapse. She tried to light her horn, but that fizzled just as fast. No one on the safe side could do anything.

“It’s your only ho-o-ope,” Pinkie urged as the hydra neared. “You have to take a leap of faith!”

Twilight pulled back for a running start and dashed ahead in a mad frenzy. “Bullshit-bullshit-bullshit!” she chanted under her breath. “This is such—” The hydra struck where she’d stood a second earlier, dislodging the stone from the cliff. “—bullshiiit!” Twilight leaped forward, hoping the rock was close enough to the nearest pillar to give her a chance. It wasn’t, and it didn’t. Twilight plummeted to the swamp below as her friends watched in helpless terror. However, instead of goring herself on one of the many jagged rocks below, she landed on a particularly large gas bubble that softened her fall. The bubble popped and sent her flying straight up. Luckily, this put her in range for AJ to lasso her to safety.

Seeing that its prey was out of reach, the hydra gave one final roar of protest before stomping back down the hill in defeat. On the other side of the gorge, everyone triumphantly cheered. They jumped into each other’s arms, embraced passionately, and kissed sloppily. It was good to be alive.

“Agh, not so rough,” Trixie hissed as AJ held her.

“Sorry, sugar cube, but ya got this comin’,” the apple farmer gushed as she spun around with the limp unicorn in her arms. “Ya’ll saved Twilight fer me. Ah ain’t gonna ferget that anytime soon.”

“Yes… well, Trixie was only acting for her self-preservation. Twilight’s success meant Trixie’s survival,” she protested unconvincingly.

“Ah, shut up ‘n’ kiss me,” AJ said, sealing Trixie’s lips with her domineering mouth.

Meanwhile, Fluttershy had assembled nearby sticks and vines into a splint for Gilda. “There, that should do it,” yellow quiet appraised. “Does anything else hurt?”

“Just my pride,” Gilda chuckled.

“Aww, you poor thing,” Fluttershy cooed while stroking Gilda’s neck. “Did you want me to kiss it and make it better?”

“Meep,” Gilda softly squeaked.

“Pinkie, I don’t know how it happened,” Twilight began while hugging the pink ponker. “Whether it was a coincidence, dumb luck, or what, but you said there’d be a doozy here at Froggy Bottom Bog, and I say we’ve just had ourselves one hell of a doozy. I mean, that hydra—”

Pinkie started spasming again, falling on her side and going in circles in the dirt. “Wo-ho-ho-ho!”

“Pinkie?” Twilight warningly questioned.

“That wasn’t it,” Pinkie flatly stated.

“What wasn’t it?” asked Spike.

“The hydra wasn’t the doozy,” Pinkie clarified. “I’m still gettin’ the shutters. Wo-ho-ho!” she said as she shuttered. “You see, there it was again. Whatever the doozy was, that wasn’t it.”

“Everybody, duck and cover,” Spike called as he ran for Twilight. He grabbed her face and forced her to look him in the eye. “There, there, girl. It’ll be alright.” He tried to pull her into a kiss, but she fought him.

Twilight stared at Pinkie with rage threatening to boil over as her eye twitched. “Wha—but I—What!?” Twilight snapped as her magical aura became visible and flickered like flames. Everyone but Spike backed away in terror. They’d all heard the stories of unicorns who’d gone mad. Even if such things were based on old prejudices, purple smart made them look awfully credible. “The hydra wasn’t the doozy? How could it not be the doozy?”

“Hey, now. Easy there, sugar cube,” AJ tried to soothe from a safe distance. However, it was as though Twilight couldn’t see her.

“What could be doozier than that?” Twilight hissed.

All eyes turned to Pinkie, pleading for her to say something to calm the stupidly powerful mare.

Pinkie shrugged and obliviously said, “Don’t know, but that just wasn’t it.”

“Aaand we’re dead,” Trixie deadpanned.

Twilight’s body lit up in a white-hot flash. Her mane and tail came alit with flames that liquefied the nearby dirt. Spike never let go as the others covered their eyes and tried to retreat to a safe distance. However, before the heat could radiate further, Twilight suddenly fizzled out and collapsed to the ground. “I give up.”

“Beggin’ yer pardon, darlin’, but what the hell was that?” AJ asked as gently as she could.

“There, there, it’s okay,” Spike assured, scratching Twilight behind the ears and caressing her neck to keep her calm. It was a while before he acknowledged the others’ words. “Twilight’s very defensive on her interpretation of the scientific method, and she doesn’t take well to teasing, especially without evidence.”

“Things Trixie really wishes you had brought up earlier,” the blue mare grumbled, now only barely able to stand.

“I can’t fight it anymore,” Twilight said, not really listening to anyone. “I don’t understand how, why, or what, but Pinkie’s Pinkie Sense somehow… makes sense. I don’t see how it does, but it just does,” Twilight said as though confessing a sin. “And just because I don’t understand doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

“Y-you m-mean y-y-yo-u b-b-beli-eeeve?” Pinkie asked, still suffering her full-body spasm.

“I guess I do,” Twilight sighed in exhaustion.

Suddenly, Pinkie suffered the worst spasm yet, twisting, inflating, and going through many more contortions before setting on her natural, relatively still shape. And then she gasped. “That was it! That’s the doozy.”

“Pinkie, I swear to Molestia,” Spike grumbled in frustration.

Twilight blinked back to reality. “Hmm, what? What is?”

“You believe,” Pinkie clarified. “I knew something big would happen. That was the doozy. And boy, what a doozy of a doozy it was.”

“I think the dragon’s gonna kill the pink one,” Gilda whispered to Fluttershy as the pair held onto each other.

“He can’t. The melted dirt cooled into glass, so now his feet are stuck,” Fluttershy pointed out.

“Oh, let me take care of that.” Pinkie merrily trotted up to Spike, lifted her poofy, cotton candy tail high, and brought it down with a thunderous crash that shattered the glass into dust. “There, that should do it. La-la-la,” she sang as she trotted off, leaving the others stone-faced and confused.

“Can we go home now?” whined Trixie. “Trixie wants to take a nap.”

***

Later that day, after everyone had taken a much-needed nap, Spike awoke to find Pinkie and Twilight talking in the treebrary’s living room. “Just so ya know, I’m emotionally prepared to set you on fire if you upset Twilight again,” he informed matter-of-factly.

Pinkie giggled. “Aww, that’s so sweet.” She looked at Twilight and added, “You’ve got some good friends around here.”

“I do.” Twilight stepped forward and nuzzled Pinkie’s cheek. “And thank you for being one of them.”

“Uh, someone wanna catch me up on things?” asked Spike. “Cuz I think I missed a step.”

“Pinkie and I were just having a lovely little chat,” Twilight informed. “She explained how surrendering logic to faith was actually the logical approach in this scenario.”

“Say what now?”

“I predicted Twilight believing what she didn’t understand,” Pinkie clarified. “Science is all about the pursuit of knowledge. But sometimes, especially out in the field, taking the time to learn everything about a thing isn’t the smartest approach. Sometimes, you just gotta take what you can see and run with it, even if it’s only blind faith.”

“Exactly. Couldn’t have said it better myself,” praised Twilight.

Spike nodded ponderously. “Okay, I think I’m following so far. Twilight’s accepted that anal-retentive research isn’t always the best approach.”

“It usually is, but not always,” Twilight amended. “Ponies make decisions on incomplete data all the time, and it works out surprisingly often. That’s the piece I was missing that kept everything from clicking. I have to abide by the model of observable data, even if it’s incomplete.”

“So, you’re gonna stop studying the Pinkie Sense?” Spike asked.

“Oh, no chance in Tartarus,” Twilight flatly assured. “Much as I’m loathed to admit it, Trixie was right. This is an incredible opportunity to potentially verify a field of research that’s older than Equestria. However, a light touch might be preferable to my usual methods. Pinkie’s gonna come over for a study fuck every other week. We’ll either crack this mystery or have fun doing it.”

Spike nodded, grinned, and said, “Alright, who are you, and what have you done with Twilight?”

“It’s still me, Spike,” Twilight giggled. “I’ve just learned to—”

“Relax and take things as they come,” Pinkie finished.

“Indeed. Spike, take a letter,” Twilight dictated.

Dear Princess Molestia

It has come to my attention that there are things in this world I cannot explain through my usual method of aggressive analysis. Specifically, Pinkie Pie has exhibited phenomena theorized by Clover the Clever and Looking Glass, among others. She may be a new variety of Oracle, but that is yet to be determined. After a day of comedic pratfalls, I’ve learned that just because there isn’t an immediate explanation for such phenomenons, that doesn’t make them any less factual. Sometimes, circumstances require that you have to choose to believe in that phenomenon and work on a more thorough investigation later, if at all. I suspect that might be the true spirit of what it means to be a friend and fuck buddy.

Your Faithful Student

Twilight Sparkle

P.S. This was a really big and personal leap for Twi. It makes me think about how much she’s changed since we came here. So, thanks, Molestia.

As Twilight and Pinkie exchanged jokes in the living area, Spike caught wind of Pinkie’s twitchy tail as he went up to the balcony to enflame the scroll. However, just as he inhaled, he saw a shadow encompass his form and stared straight up. Two great globes descended upon him at breakneck speed, and the drake barely had time to scamper out of the way before they impacted. The globes of flesh would have surely enveloped him if he’d been less quick to act. The balcony, however, was less fortunate. The weight and impact snapped the old wood like a twig before the object continued its fall and collided with the ground with a world-shaking crash. Spike leaned over the broken balcony, stared into the crater, and beheld “Princess Molestia?”

“Ugh,” Molestia groaned, pressing her hoof to her forehead. “How much did I drink last night?”

“Enough that you almost ate me with your giant ass,” Spike lectured. “Also, it’s, like, five in the afternoon.”

Molestia huffed. “Well, it wouldn’t be the first time the greatest plot in all the land devoured a hapless innocent who wasn’t paying attention.”

Spike’s heart sank when he sensed Molestia’s sincerity.

Shaking her head clear, the white alicorn looked up and studied Spike. “Oh, is that scroll for me?”

Spike shrugged. “So sayeth Pinkie’s twitchy tail.”

“Say what now?”

“There’s some extra reading material,” Spike said while handing over a few additional scrolls. “Long story short, it’s been a day.”

Author's Note

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