The citizens of Ponyville, like in most settlements in the sexually obsessed land of Equestria, were no strangers to the sounds of two or more ponies getting it on as they walked down the streets. Be it in an alleyway, under the bushes near the main road, behind a food cart, or even out in the open. Sure, there were plenty of rubberneckers, especially if the creatures involved were particularly hot or doing something unusual, but for the most part, forming the beast with two backs was a perfectly normal and mundane activity. That’s why it was unusual for ponies to stare so intently up at Rainbow Dash’s cloud house.

No one could see anything, but the sounds they heard painted a picture of… something. It sounded like the most boastfully athletic of Equestria’s heroes was battling a savage beast. Because it was such a small town and ponies were known to gossip, it wasn’t hard to guess what that beast might be. After all, Gilda had long established herself as a screamer, but this was different. The griffon sounded more intense than usual, not quite angry, but definitely passionate. Ponies who’d been listening for a while noted how the sounds kept moving, like the sounders just couldn’t stay still. These sounds of two horny bitches who just couldn’t quell the fire between their legs were accompanied by breakages. This, in itself, wasn’t surprising, given that it was RD’s house. However, the fact that the cloud floors should have been enchanted to cushion any falling object, combined with the sheer quantity of breakages, left many ponies wondering just how much stuff the cyan mare had to break, and if she might have been doing so deliberately.

This last part was particularly troublesome for ponies who had better things to do.

“Twi.”

“There’s no way she has that many dishes,” Twilight pondered aloud.

“Equestria to Twilight.

“Maybe they’re vases, but I never took Rainbow for an art collector.”

“Come in, Twilight!”

“There’s no way she’d let her trophies be—”

“TWILIGHT!!!”

“Gwa!” Twilight jumped like a startled cat and spun to face her spooker. “What!?”

“Oh, nothing,” Trixie dismissively said, casually examining her hoof before shooting the purple mare a smirk. “Trixie just wanted to say hi.”

Twilight fumed and prepared a witty comeback, only for the blue unicorn to indicate the central table covered in notes, charts, scrolls, and opened books. “Oh, r-right,” Twilight allowed as she dutifully returned to her work. “I-I just got so wrapped up in the… you know.”

“Oh, Trixie knows. Trixie is quite sure everypony for twenty miles knows.” She flinched at an exceptionally sharp avian scream. “Stars above, the lungs on that bitch!”

“It’s actually a throwback to before griffons began congregating in camps. They were initially very solitary. So, to attract mates, they needed calls that could reach a minimum of—”

“Ahem!”

“Oh, right. Heh. Sorry.” Twilight smiled guiltily as she retook her cushion in front of her notes and stared intently. “You know, I might be able to focus better if somepony did her job.”

“Trixie still doesn’t get it. How can you focus when you’re attention is being drawn to something as distracting as Trixie’s masterfully erotic touch to your most tender places?” Trixie purred and gave a mischievous wink.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “It just does, okay. Now, get that fine ass over here and put it to good use.” She leaned back, supporting herself with her front hooves behind her as she presented her cock for use.

“Yes, yes, as mistress commands.” Trixie casually strode over to her owner. She paused to stare at Twilight’s long purple phallus, seemingly appraising it as one would a piece of art, or judging the merits of buying a tempting sugary treat.

“Well?” Twilight impatiently demanded.

“It’s a most splendid cock that Trixie’s mistress possesses,” Trixie said, making Twilight blush. “Hmm, yes. It is a fine filler for any mouth, pussy, or asshole. In fact, it is so fine that Trixie cannot decide how best to attend it.”

“What? I don’t care. J-just use your mouth.”

“But then dearest mistress will be deprived of Trixie’s intellectual contributions,” she cooed as if talking to a baby.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Ugh, fine. Your pussy, then.”

“Hmm, yes,” Trixie pondered while stroking her chin. “Trixie’s pussy is sublime, but would that not rob mistress of the chance to—”

“Gaaah!” Twilight groaned in frustration as her horn lit, her magic grabbing Trixie’s flanks. She then pulled the blue mare’s rump high and slammed it down on her cock without even aiming for a particular hole. As such, she utterly missed, her erection now standing firm between the blue mare’s thighs.

“Ooh, this is different,” Trixie cooed as she made herself comfortable in Twilight’s lap and clamped her hindlegs shut. “Mmmh, mistress’ shaft is so warm between her slave’s thighs,” Trixie teased as she sandwiched the purple meat pillar between her not-too-bony legs. “Oh, Trixie saw it move. Trixie thinks mistress’ fifth leg likes this treatment.”

Twilight groaned, but not in frustration. “Okay, wow. This is… different.”

“Good, different?” Trixie asked, never letting up on her grinding.

“Uh, j-just rotate a little to the left so I can reach my notes.”

“As you wish,” Trixie agreed as she complied, giving Twilight space to lean forward. The blue mare now had a slight height advantage over purple smart, granting her access to the purple mare’s multi-hued bangs, so she audibly sniffed. “Oh, Trixie likes this shampoo.”

Twilight blushed, but said nothing as she read while her horn took notes.

“Oooh, Trixie hates when you ignore her,” whined the blue mare as she wrapped her front hooves around Twilight’s neck, never letting up on the grinding. “Such a workaholic. Oh, Trixie is so naughty, enabling her mistress’ addiction instead of staging an intervention. So very naughty, indeed.”

“Are you trying to be a distraction?” Twilight grumbled, keeping her eyes on her notes.

“A little. Is it helping?”

“How is this supposed to help?”

“Trixie doesn’t know. You’re the weirdo who can’t focus without sexual teasing. So, Trixie decided to take things to the logical next step. It’s an experiment.” Then she blinked. “Trixie just felt Twilight’s cock pulse.”

“Th-that’s probably because Twilight’s cock just pulsed,” Twilight admitted.

“Did mistress Twilight just get turned on at the idea of Trixie using her for an experiment?” She felt another pulse shoot through the steadily warming member. “Fuck, you’re a weird one.”

“Can you stop being annoying for a second and help me with this?” Twilight whined.

“Trixie thought she was helping. You’re making this whole thing very confusing. What are you working on again?”

“Ugh, like I haven’t said it a million times already. I’m—”

“It was more like three, but keep going. Trixie likes how you say it.”

Twilight finally looked up from her notes and stared flatly at the mare in her lap. “I will spank you.”

Trixie adjusted her front hooves to bring both ponies’ noses less than an inch from touching as she confidently smirked at her unresisting owner. “Will that help take your mind off whatever Rainbow and Gilda are doing?”

“Huh?” Twilight’s ears flipped. “Oh, they’re still going. Whoa, I’d completely tuned them out.”

“You are most welcome. Trixie graciously accepts cash, presents, and sexual favors for her services,” she said with a dramatic flourish, only for a kiss on the cheek to break her confident stride.

“Thank you,” Twilight quickly said before returning to her notes.

“Oh. Yes, that was… yes.” Trixie cleared her throat and resumed her thigh grinding. “Well, have you made any progress yet?”

“I’m not sure. Information on the Elements is scarce. Records show the princesses only used them a few times, always as a weapon, and always as a group. In all my research, I’ve found virtually no reference to the individual Elements as anything other than pieces of a greater whole.”

“Maybe that’s how they work?” Trixie proposed. “A single pony leg isn’t much use to anypony. You need all four legs, a head, a body, and all the gooey insides to have a functioning creature. Why can’t the Elements work the same way?”

“A sound theory, but I’ve just got a gut feeling that there’s more.” Twilight licked her lips and flipped the page. “Objects like these should radiate with passive magic related to their core attributes, but I didn’t sense any of that. It was only when channeling magic through all six to defeat Nightmare Moon that I felt anything at all.”

“So, what’s the big deal?” Trixie asked. “Does Trixie need to list all the times mistress has been wrong to make her doubt her intuition?”

Twilight puttered her lips. “Well, it’s not a gut feeling in here.” She indicated her chest before slowly moving her hoof around Trixie. “More like… here.”

Trixie blinked as she stared at the throbbing purple phallus seemingly growing out from between her legs. “You get gut feelings from your dick?”

“My magically manifest futa dick granted to me by artifacts of mysterious power and unknown origin; yes,” Twilight confirmed.

“Well, shit. That sounds too crazy to not be plausible!” Trixie excitedly declared, bouncing a little in Twilight’s lap.

“You think so?”

“Clover the Clever cited numerous examples of magical manifestations to support her theory that magic was not only semi-conscious, but had a sense of humor,” Trixie replied.

“But that theory was never substantiated, and her evidence was circumstantial, at best,” Twilight argued.

Trixie nodded. “Indeed. However, Trixie is inclined to agree with Clover’s additional theory that the mischievous magic was toying with her, as it does with all pioneers. It keeps its secrets hidden, wanting for driven ponies to really put in the legwork to uncover the mysteries.”

“So, basically, the absence of evidence is, in itself, evidence that supports the theory?” Twilight queried. “That’s a logical fallacy.”

“Yes, but it’s fun to think about, isn’t it?” Trixie replied with a playful grin. Then, at Twilight’s annoyed frown, she added, “Unless you’ve got a better idea for why your magical penis is potentially communicating with you through intuition, you might as well accept the Great and Powerful Trixie’s brilliant deduction.”

Twilight touched her chin in thought. “Well, until a better idea comes along, I guess.”

“So then, magical penis,” Trixie said to the magical penis as pre slowly built around the tip. “What are you trying to tell your thickheaded wielder?”

“You mean besides putting me in a hot wet hole?” Twilight countered.

“Oh, did you want to go to the Dragon Lands to find another big-tittied bimbo to put you inside her again?” Trixie asked. “Or maybe you want a guy this time? Trixie never really thought about it, but there are definitely worse ways to go than sliding down a massive cock and drowning in his smelly, cum-filled balls. Just be sure to write up a will freeing Trixie before you go, and we’re golden.”

Twilight blinked. “Okay… putting a pin in that for later. I was actually—”

“Trixie knows what you meant, but she still stands by every word.”

Twilight’s eye twitched. “You are just so… urgh!”

“Trixie, are you being mean to Twilight?” Spike asked as he entered through the front door.

“Mistress requires sexual teasing to focus on her work. So, the Great and Powerful Trixie is amping things up with intellectual stimulation on top of this new thing.” Trixie indicated where Twilight’s penis protruded between her thighs. “In short, yes, but it’s for Twilight’s own good.”

“Ah, cool,” Spike said as he walked over and surveyed the mess of papers. “The Elements, huh? What about them?”

“Well—”

“Apparently, there’s almost no mention of the Elements as individual things,” Trixie cut Twilight off. “And Twilight’s penis may be talking to her through gut feelings that there’s more going on.”

“Huh,” Spike said flatly.

“Huh? Is that all you can say?” Twilight demanded.

“Well, what am I supposed to say? I’ve never dealt with talking dicks before, except for that one party trick Molestia pulled, but I don’t think that counts,” Spike admitted with a shrug. “Uh, if there’s no data on something, why don’t you just come up with your own?”

“M-my own?”

Trixie beamed. “Yes, indeed. Research on previous studies can only get you so far. To truly advance, you must compile original data of your own.”

“You’re really getting into this, huh,” Spike observed.

“What can Trixie say? The egghead brings out Trixie’s inner scholar.”

“My own data…” Twilight muttered. “Well, without the Elements to examine, I suppose I can compile my observations.” Her magic levitated a fresh sheet of paper before her. “Let’s start with something basic: Apple Jack.”

“Trixie is telling her you said that,” Spike stated.

“Hey, don’t give away Trixie’s secrets,” whined the blue mare.

“Okay, not basic. How about uncomplicated?” Twilight wondered aloud. “Yes, Apple Jack has the Element of Arousal, the most straightforward and universal of the Elements. Arousal is general attractiveness, which manifests as an intrinsic allure in its wielder.”

“Mistress is drooling,” Trixie pointed out. “Also, I think your dick just got four degrees hotter.”

“Only four?” Spike tsked and shook his head. “AJ will be disappointed to hear that.”

“Hey, lay off, you two. I’m trying to think here,” Twilight whined.

“Yes, which you’re doing more effectively while bouncing ideas off such intellectually engaging study buddies, such as us,” Trixie magnanimously declared.

“She’s not wrong,” Spike agreed. “But you’re right. Arousal seems pretty straightforward. So, what else is there?”

“Hmm, well, there’s the name. Elements of Debauchery. Debauchery implies extra kinky stuff, but Arousal is more plain, even universal. From my talks with Zecora, zebras would consider bestiality debaucherous, but not arousal. Orgasm is also fairly universal, which I suddenly realize means there’s a distinct divide between the more universal Elements, and the ones denoting specific fetishes. Arousal has universal applications, but bestiality is exceedingly niche, so what’s the connection? Why bestiality and not, say, asphyxiation or breath play?”

“Popularity?” Trixie suggested. “Maybe the Elements represent the most popular fetishes?”

Twilight shook her head. “No, that doesn’t seem right, either. Domination and BDSM, maybe, but I actually looked up the numbers a little after coming to Ponyville, and bestiality isn’t anywhere near that common. It’s too niche, even for ponies, unless you want to count what Rainbow Dash is doing to Gilda right now.”

“Well, let’s put it another way,” Trixie said while directing her attention to the massive throbbing cock. “Magical penis, why do some of you represent more universal concepts while others represent uncommon fetishes?”

Twilight’s cock twitched.

“The silence is your answer,” Spike stated while doing an odd accent.

Trixie tilted her head. “Huh?”

“It was in a comic. A guy asked this really dark question, and then answered, ‘the silence was the answer,’ meaning no. It was so cool.”

“That’s it!” Twilight triumphantly crowed. “That’s what I’ve been missing!” She suddenly levitated several new papers over and began writing in magical glyphs instead of typical notes.

“Whoa! Easy, Twi,” Spike tried reassuring. “What happened?”

“The silence is the answer,” Twilight breathlessly gasped as she hurriedly scribbled.

“Uh, mistress.”

“Not now, Trixie. I’ve just had a breakthrough. This whole time, I’ve had this feeling there was something off about the Elements. Apart from sex, they had no unifying theme, and their represented fields were too different on even a conceptual level. It just didn’t add up, but now I get it.”

“Mistress!”

“It didn’t add up because it doesn’t add up!”

“Mistress!”

“What? For crying out loud, Trixie. I’m in the middle of a—oh.” Twilight clamped her yapper shut when she saw that her penis had more than doubled in size, and was still growing. The middle grew fat, looking heavier than Spike, yet the erection stood tall as the tip slowly climbed up to Trixie’s nose. Luckily, the blue mare had the sense to lean back and give it space, lest she meet an ironically foreshadowed fate.

“Shit, that’s a big fat cock!” Spike awed.

“It’s pulsing,” Trixie informed in growing panic. “D-do I keep grinding, or should I run away? What the buck’s happening right now?”

Twilight extended her hoof to the ridiculously oversized meat tower, making it shudder. “I get it,” she softly said.

“Get what?” Trixie asked through a clenched jaw.

“The Elements are wrong. I see it now. I’ve tried countless computations of their spell matrices based on memory, but they never fit. I thought it was because the experience was so overwhelming that it left my memory faulty, but now I see it.” She turned back to the papers covered in glyphs. “I’ve been using matrices for how the Elements should work, but not how they actually work.”

Somehow, Trixie managed to tear her eyes off the angrily throbbing tower long enough to glance at Twilight’s notes. “Whoa. Even for your chicken scratch, that’s some sloppy work.”

“It’s not the chicken scratch,” Spike curiously said as he picked up a few papers and held them up for a closer look. The drake grabbed a fresh sheet and quill before quickly sketching smoother glyphs. “Hey, I think I see it.”

“See what?”

“Pinkie!?” Twilight gasped in alarm. “What are you doing—oh?” Again, she clamped her yapper shut when she saw that not only was Pinkie there, not only was she accompanied by their friends, including a disheveled and drunk-looking Rainbow and Gilda, but all mares were sporting preposterously-sized ponut punchers on par with purple smart’s penis.

“Uh, sugar cube. Not ta be rude, but we got a little… situation,” AJ informed while indicating the massive cock poking between her front legs, drooling like a predator impatiently wanting to pounce.

“Indeed. I was just in the middle of sewing when my desk split clean in two,” Rarity bemoaned.

“And I’m just lucky my babies were only licking me,” Fluttershy admitted. “Just imagine what would have happened if I’d been inside someone.”

“It… definitely could have been better,” Gilda strained to say as she crouched while keeping her posterior off the floor. “It kept getting bigger, and my ass took as much as it could before it shot me off like a rocket.”

“It would have been hilarious if it was anyone but you,” RD consoled.

“And I was just bouncing along, taking a nice stroll through the town, when suddenly, I grew this totally amazing pogo stick!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Look!” She jumped and angled her penis downward. The tip compressed under her weight as she descended, only to spring back and send her flying a considerable distance in the air. The party mare repeated the action and laughed hysterically as she bounced around the treebrary, making a boing-boing-boing sound. “It was so much fun, I could hardly stop. And before I knew it, I was here.”

“I also had a feeling in my dick that I ought to come here, so I did,” Rarity added.

“What’s goin’ on, Twi?” AJ asked. “Are ya’ll messin’ with powers mere mortals weren’t meant ta understand?”

“Possibly,” Twilight admitted. “But this was purely speculative and theorizing. I haven’t cast any relevant spells yet. This just happened on its own,” she said while indicating her erection, which had at least stopped growing. “Spike and Trixie think our penises are communicating with us through intuition, and I’m inclined to agree. Girls, the Elements are wrong.”

…

“What the hay does that even mean?”

“The Elements aren’t what we think they are. See, all magic gives off this kind of resonance based on the concepts they represent. It’s like a language. That language follows its own internal logic, like grammar, but the Elements are off, like a poem that doesn’t rhyme, except they still function. That means there’s a fundamental misunderstanding with how the magical matrices should work, a hidden factor we’re not seeing. Look.” Twilight held up several papers covered in glyphs. “How good are you at reading magic?”

“Not a clue.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

“E’nope.”

“I’m afraid this is far above my level, darling.”

“Whoa! Hehe, that looks like the most complicated paint job ever.”

“Pinkie, this isn’t some silly art project,” Twilight dismissed. “This is a series of thaumatological inconsistencies that could fundamentally reshape—wait.” Twilight spun the papers around to look at them once more. “Did you say paint?”

“Yeah, you know, that stuff that goes on top of other stuff to make it look different,” Pinkie plainly stated, only to stop bouncing. “Wait, did you learn so many big things that your mind is leaking all the smaller, less important things?” she asked in genuine concern.

“Okay, even I could follow that part,” RD declared. “Is everypony else good?” Then, at their nods, the speedster added, “We should probably start a bit jar for every time Pinkie accidentally discovers something.”

“Um, not to be rude,” Fluttershy gently cut in. “B-but I think our penises are shrinking.”

AJ bit her bottom lip as she felt the underside of her massive member slide across the floor. “E’yup, there she goes.”

“Paint. Of course, paint! That’s why I didn’t see it before!” Twilight said as she furiously scribbled away.

“So, uh, j-just to be clear,” Gilda grunted, still in pain from her recent overdose of being a size queen. “Your magical whatevers are covered in paint that makes them look different, or something?”

“Or something, yes,” Twilight distractedly confirmed. “When a unicorn casts a spell properly, it’s imprinted in our soul so we never forget it, which is how I can draw all of these from memory. However, the magical matrix isn’t solid to the core. It’s damn good craftsmanship, but when you look at it just right, you can see the chips in the paint. These glyphs are purely surface-level, layers added onto the original Elements to make them manifest in their current forms.”

“Down to half-mast,” RD announced as she watched her penis shrink back under her belly.

“Though, maybe filter is a better term than paint,” Twilight speculated as she continued scribbling. “Like shining a pure white light through a red filter changes the color, but the original light is still underneath.”

“So, am I not the wielder of the Element of BDSM?” Rarity inquired, both relieved and disappointed that she could no longer see her penis.

“Nope!” Twilight proudly declared, not noticing how Trixie slowly climbed out of her lap and crawled to a safe distance.

“So… what is my Element?”

“Not a clue,” Twilight replied with equal vigor as she beamed her bright smile.

“Wait, so, after all that, you still don’t know?” RD irately demanded.

“That’s not how it works,” Trixie informed from behind Spike. She cleared her throat and adopted a more dignified pose. “Twilight is basically working with a photograph of something. Just because she can tell there’s something wrong with the something, it’s still just an image. She can’t determine what it is without direct access.”

“Then why’d you bring us all the way down here?” RD growled. “I was in the middle of a totally awesome fuck fest, and you threw off my rhythm. Now I’ll have to start all over.”

Gilda shivered in anticipation.

“Um, T-Twilight didn’t call us,” Fluttershy humbly reminded. “Our penises brought us here.”

“Why, though?”

“So we’d know, silly,” Pinkie stated. “She was gonna tell us anyway, cuz it’s the Elements and all, but our penises figured it’d save time if they brought us here so we could all hear at once.”

RD blinked. “Seriously, we need that jar.”

“Ah’m on it,” AJ informed as she rummaged through Twilight’s closet and pulled out a bucket. “That’s two bits today, right?” she asked while dropping the coins into the container.

“So, our penises, which are connected to the Elements, realized Twilight was learning something about them, and called us together so we’d all know?” Rarity deduced. “Why, though?”

“Maybe it’s not comfortable being painted?” Spike suggested. “Maybe it’s like being wrapped in a sweater that’s itchy and too tight.”

“So, the Elements were crying out for help?” Fluttershy asked, her maternal concern thoroughly triggered.

“Hold on, let’s not jump to any conclusions,” Twilight said as she stood. “We—whoa!” She wobbled. “It’s like my body just remembered it had legs. Concerning. Anyway, this is still purely speculation. There’s no concrete evidence of any—*FWACK!*—ow! Son-of-a—grr. I bit my tongue,” she grumbled as she gripped where she’d been hit on the chin.

“Trixie didn’t imagine that, did she? You all saw it. Trixie didn’t get high on potion fumes, and imagine Twilight getting sucker punched by her own dick, did she?”

RD looked down and stared suspiciously at the normal-looking empty space between her front legs. “The Elements are fine as they are, and we should do a—*Pwong*—Aaaagh!” *Crash* “Uuugh,” groaned the speedster as she lay in a heap of fallen books after crashing into a shelf, her penis quickly retreating into its sheath after launching her. “Well, I think that settles it.”

“Oh-oh-oh, me next, me next!” Pinkie excitedly chirped. “I like the Elements just as they are because they’re just so much fun.” Her head swiveled expectantly as she waited for something to happen, but nothing did. “Uh, the Elements are dumb?” Still, nothing happened. “I’m gonna do everything in my power to make sure no pony investigates the Elements and uncovers any—*Pwong*—Aaaagh!” *Crash* “Uuugh.” Everyone stared at Pinkie’s lower half as it dangled from the ceiling, her upper half having disappeared into the floor above.

“So, do we need ta keep makin’ fools ‘f ourselves, or has the point been made?” asked AJ.

“No, no, I’m convinced,” Twilight conceded. “Spike, take a letter. Tell the princess I need immediate access to the Elements of Debauchery because I suspect there’s—”

*Brrrp*

“Spike, I’m not done yet,” Twilight chided as the green flame concentrated.

“It wasn’t me.” Spike indicated the scroll he’d been writing on, as well as the new one now resting on the floor with Molestia’s seal.

“B-but we didn’t even send the request yet,” Twilight pondered.

“Coincidence?” Spike speculated as he unfurled the scroll. “No.” An awkward silence followed. “That’s all it says. Just one word. No.”

“I… what?” Twilight levitated the scroll to her face and stared daggers at the dried ink for having the audacity to exist where she could see. “WHAT!?”

***

Meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom, which was what Molestia originally wanted to call Canterlot before the Royal Council overruled her…

“Uh-oh,” Luna teased. “One of your automatic refusals just activated. Looks like somepony’s getting suspicious.”

Molestia levitated a cup of tea to her lips and took a ladylike sip. “And it’s about damn time, too. Did you know she’s the first pupil of mine to get such a response since your corruption? Talk about an intellectual drought.”

“I’m sorry. What’s going on?” Cadence asked as she sat at her desk. “We were just talking about my new project when we all felt Spike’s dragon fire. What am I missing?”

“Do you remember what I told you about the Elements?” Molestia asked with a shit-eating grin.

“Yes, and I still think it was stupid,” Cadence flatly retorted.

“Well, it appears that Twilight is on the verge of figuring it out on her own,” the great white mare said with barely restrained glee.

“Figuring it out? Why can’t you just tell her? Better yet, why haven’t you had a whole team of thaumatologists working on this for the last thousand years?”

Luna shook her head. “It doth not work like that, dear niece. Magic is, to put it bluntly, a drama whore. Even when something is in its own best interests, the straightforward path usually leads to a broken bridge, leaving only the winding and arduous route. That’s why we can’t undo the spell, even though we cast it.”

“Which was still a dick move,” Cadence chided.

“Agree to disagree,” Molestia dismissed with a hoof wave. “The point is that the spell can only be undone by somepony worthy, which necessitates proving as such. I’ve taken on the most promising ponies as my pupils for millennia, and Twilight is the first in a thousand years to reach this far.”

“So why not make things simple and just tell her what she needs to do?” Cadence demanded.

“Drama whore,” Luna reminded. “Even if we wanted to—”

“Which I don’t,” Molestia cut in.

“—the straightforward path leads to a broken bridge. Twilight must forge her own way if she is to reach her true destiny,” the lunar princess explained with graceful authority.

“Also, it’s more fun this way, and Twilight’s angry voice is hot,” Molestia giggled like a schoolgirl as a wisp of green flame flew above her head and manifested as a scroll. “Oh, speak of the devil.”

Then Luna grabbed Cadence by the hoof and hurriedly rushed out of the room, closing the door behind them with desperate urgency. Not a second later, a powerful force blew the door off its hinges, sending the royal mares flying down the hall. And even though guards all across the castle heard the terrible booming shriek, no alarm was raised. Sure, the wretched, unnatural noise made them feel like the incarnation of entropy had turned into ants and was crawling just beneath their skin while whispering disparaging comments about their sex appeal. However, most remembered decades ago when Molestia got extra super-bad diarrhea, and decided this latest incident was comparatively minor.

Author's Note

It’s funny. I had literally just finished the blog asking for advice because I had serious writer’s block. In that blog, I also expressed a desire for ideas that detracted significantly from the episodes. So, instead of doing just another sex scene between Gilda and Rainbow, I veered hard right, going in a totally different direction, and had a lot more fun. This path felt so much fresher, and it was a great chance to finally work on this idea that’s been bouncing around in my head for a while.

No offense to kainofthesand, as I would not have written this without reading his work. However, as Twilight said, the concepts behind the Elements just don’t make sense, and this has been a thorn in my side for a while. So, I’m finally addressing the issue, as well as dropping a fun teaser with the alicorns’ role in all this mess. Anyway, I’ll consider this chapter a success if most people understand the techno-babble, and here’s hoping this revitalized spark can last a while.

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