You hold your cup of hot chocolate in your hands as you look around the park. It's too sweet, you clearly went heavy-handed on the sugar but you don't care, it's warm, that's all that counts. The park is desolate, it is winter after all and the empty swing seats are covered with soft blankets of snow. A disintegrating snowman stands waving by the slide. You try to imagine the kids in the summer time, swinging and laughing and playing. It calms you slightly.
You sigh softly and look into your mug of chocolate. It's been a bad week. But that's normal. Because of budget cuts you were fired from your job, a job you actually liked and you were good at.
You miss the old days, your high school days. Everything was simpler then. You didn't have to worry about getting a job and paying the bills and maintaining a house and a car. A house and a car that aren't even that good. Your car is a small, a vomit green piece of junk and your place is that bad, you've seen better looking dollhouse. It's tiny and cramped, the carpet is rough as hell and everything you have is either broken or ancient. In high school, you had your friends, people that understood you, people you could laugh with, people you could cry with. You promised you would keep in touch, but over the last few years you had drifted apart through nobody's fault but your own. You stopped talking to them, you avoided going out with them because you couldn't afford it. You knew that all you had to say was that you didn't have the money and they would come to your house and watch movies and have fun with you at home, but you didn't want to be the cheapskate. You didn't want the pity so you refused every time. So they stopped asking and you stopped talking.
You had your high school crush. Sunset Shimmer. She was amazing. She was beautiful. She was everything. You knew she was way out of your league but you couldn't stop liking her. It was hard not to be captivated to a beauty as her own. It was baffling that she didn't have all the boys at her feet. Her mix of gold and red hair was breathtaking and her sapphire eyes killed you inside every time she so much as looked in your direction. You remember her voice, like a heavenly choir and her laugh, that laugh you could listen to all day and never get tired. You wished you had told her how you felt, been honest with her but you couldn't. Every time you made a move to tell her, you backed out.
You sigh again. You'd give anything to go back in time and fully enjoy your teenage years. You used to be so eager to grow up and experience life that you forgot to spend time appreciating what you had then, and now all you want is to have those years back.
"Hey, it's you!"
You're almost afraid to look up. It's not possible, is it? It sounds just like her. That voice was music to your ears, just like hers used to be. You finally take a deep breath and look up.
And then your heart stops. Those teal eyes are looking into yours and she runs a hand through her fiery hair. She looks a lot more punky than you remember her though. She's wearing tight black jeans with rips at the knees and a spiked choker, all brought together with her signature leather jacket which also has spikes on the shoulders.
"Sunset?"
She smiles and stops your heart for a second time. That's the prettiest sight you've seen all day.
"That's my name, don't wear it out."
She takes a seat next to you and pulls her leg up to her chest, resting her chin on her knee. With she sun hitting her face at the perfect angle and making her hair glow and her eyes sparkle, it's a picturesque scene and toy have to resist the urge to whip out your phone and take a picture.
Instead you turn to her and try to start the conversation. "How's things?"
She sighs. "I'm surviving. It's just... I don't know, I expected life to be more interesting than this. Every day it's wake up, go to work, go home, sleep, repeat. I used to think that school was boring, I was too advanced and I was looking forward to expanding my knowledge in college. But once I graduated... all I could think about was wanting to go back. "
You let out a small chuckle. "I know the feeling."
She looks at you and you share a smile. "How about you?"
Now it's your turn to sigh. "Not good. I got fired because of stupid work budget cuts after I had been searching for so long and going from job interview to job interview and when I find a job I actually like I barely last a month and a half."
"I could always get you a job at my place." Sunset says sympathetically.
"The sushi place?" She nods. "No offence, but I think I can go without smelling like raw fish every day." You get a small laugh out of her. You feel so proud of yourself. "How's that going anyway?"
She shrugs. "It pays the bills."
"Do you still talk to the girls?" You ask.
"Not as much as I used to. I know it sounds bad, but all I really wanted was to leave CHS behind. Everyone was just a reminder of the fall formal and how I tried to enslave them all. And I kept asking myself if they were really my friends or if they were only around because Princess Twilight asked them to. So I figured that if I was still asking myself those questions and having those doubts, it wasn't a true friendship. I know you probably think I should be over this but-"
"No, I understand. I understand feeling guilty for doing something that you did ages ago. And at the same time, you feel bad for feeling bad because everyone wants you to get over it, but you can't because you can't stop thinking about it. And you refuse to forget about it... "
"Because no matter what anyone tells you..." Sunset says softly.
"Your heart only seems to know the bad." You say simultaneously. Then you look at each other and it doesn't seem weird, like back in high school. It feels normal.
To your disappointment, Sunset breaks your gaze and looks away.
You start to see a few stray snowflakes floating around you and a few fall in Sunset's hair, sparkling like little gems. She shivers slightly.
"I'm gonna go, it's getting cold." She says.
You don't want her to leave, you want to throw your arms around her and tell her you'll warm her up, but you stop yourself. After all, it's been almost fifteen years since high school, she could already be with someone and anyway, you two never had anything going on anyway. Then, an idea sparks in your head. You steal a glance at her left hand and then immediately a wave of sorrow drowns you. On her finger is a shining silver ring with a beautiful diamond standing in the middle. You mentally kick yourself. Of course she would be taken. Of course some lucky guy had already found her.
You shake your head and take a deep breath. Even if she's in a relationship, that doesn't mean you can't hang out with her, get to know her better.
"Wait, do you want to come to my place for a bit?" You ask.
Sunset raises an eyebrow at you, and then blushes slightly as her stomach gives a growl of approval.
You grin. "We can order pizza, my treat."
Sunset smiles widely. "You had me at pizza."
You both share a laugh and you wish you had done this in high school, had this fun with her. You pour the rest of your hot chocolate secretly in a bush and dust yourself off. Sunset fixes the collar of her jacket.
"Lead the way."
You walk side by side, your arms softly rubbing together. Whether this is accidental or not, you're enjoying the contact. You don't talk much, just enjoy your surroundings.
Everywhere is like a life-size dessert, sprinkled with sugar snow and small gingerbread houses and mint grass and chocolate trees. Brown leaves blow in the cold breeze and birds chirp an evening melody.
Soon you're at your house, your small red bricked house. A woven home sweet home sign that your mom made when you first moved in hangs on the door, not because you like it, but simply because she's too proud of it to let you take it down.
You take your key out your pocket and turn it in the lock. Before you open the door, you turn to Sunset. "Don't expect anything special." You say.
"It can't be any worse than my place." Sunset chuckles and tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear as you open the door and she follows you inside.
She kicks of her black biker boots and looks around.
"Bathroom is upstairs, first door on the left." You say and Sunset nods.
You take off your winter duffel coat and go to take her leather jacket but she shakes her head.
"I'm good thanks, you know how I'm attached to this thing."
You nod and hang up your coat and then go into the living room with Sunset close behind.
You drop into you tatty couch and switch on your television and give the remote to Sunset to find a shoe as you step out the room to call the pizza place.
Remembering that Sunset is vegetarian, you order a simple cheese pizza and fries and then go into your kitchen to find a drink. In the back of your cupboard you find a bottle of whisky you were originally saving for a special occasion. You pop your head around the door to Sunset.
"You okay with whisky?" You ask.
"You trying to get me drunk?" She smiles.
"Is that a no?" You smile back.
"Bring it." She says, beckoning you over.
You bring the bottle and hand it to Sunset, who immediately takes a large swig. "I needed that," she says as she passes the bottle back to you and you take your own gulp.
"D'you mind if I have a smoke?" Sunset asks. "I'll go outside if you want."
You're honestly surprised that Sunset smokes. You remember back in high school, how she despised all the kids that smoked around school, how she would sometimes lead assemblies against smoking and what it could do to a person. And now she was here, holding her cigarette box in her hand and looking at you expectantly. But you couldn't judge. The hardships of life can change a person, you had even considered it yourself.
Half of you doesn't want to deal with the smell of smoke for the entire evening, but you want to spend as much time with Sunset as possible.
"It's okay." You say.
Sunset takes one out the box and lights it. She leans back slightly as her hair seems to glow with the burning embers of the cigarette. You watch as she takes a long drawl and then puffs out, sending a cloud of smoke above you. As bad as smoking was for a person, you had to admit it looked sexy as hell.
Sunset meets your eyes and you blush when you realise you were staring. You take another swig of whisky to distract yourself.
"Want some?" You take the cigarette out her hand, your fingers lightly touching and you attempt to copy what Sunset did. And fail. You feel yourself chocking on the fumes, and then enter a fit, coughing and spluttering.
Sunset just laughs. "Are you okay?"
You nod as you hear the doorbell ring and you're thankful for the distraction as you get up to answer the door. You hear footsteps behind you and whip around, seeing Sunset behind you. You don't ask but instead turn your attention to the door as you open it and see the pizza delivery guy outside. You take you food from him and take your wallet out of your pocket, only to see Sunset doing the same.
"Hey, it's on me." You say. Sunset shakes her head.
"You just lost your job. You don't need to be wasting money on this. I've got it." She says.
You know she's right, but you care more about your pride than your budget. This is the first time you've seen her in over ten years, you don't want her paying for your food, it just doesn't feel right.
"No, I'm fine, it's good I promise." You say reassuringly. But Sunset doesn't budge.
"I'm paying, end of story." Sunset says sternly, taking the money out her purse.
"But-"
"Look, I don't care who pays, but I have other customers waiting for their orders. So can you please hurry up and pay so I can move on?" The pizza guy says in an irritated tone.
Sunset knocks you to the side with her hips and gives him the money, sticking her tongue out at you. Once she's payed, he leaves and she closes the door behind him.
You pick up the food and put it down on the coffee table and sit down. As Sunset sits down next to you, she shifts her weight and her hand moves on top of yours. You fight to hide the blush that has spread across your face as she removes her hand and instead puts it in her lap.
Your mind suddenly drifts to the ring again. You wonder who the lucky person she married it. Maybe she and Flash Sentry got back together. You remembered how they became friends at Camp Everfree, perhaps it had become something more. Maybe she wasn't even straight. You remember how close she used to be to Rainbow Dash than all her other friends. But then again, they had been through a lot together. You try to take your mind off it by shoving a slice of pizza in your mouth and taking a bite.
"You didn't have to do that." You say, bravely meeting her eyes.
She shrugs. "I wanted to."
You both eat in silence, only hearing the sound of the television in the background. When you've finished, you take a deep breath and attempt to start conversation, you want to know as much about her as possible, make up for the chance you missed in high school.
"What was it like being a mini superhero?" You ask her.
"Don't." She says sternly.
"Don't what?"
"I'm sick of everyone comparing me to a superhero when I'm not, I'm far from it. All I'm doing is stopping the problems I started by bringing magic to this world. I was selfish and I was willing to kill and ruin two worlds just to get what I wanted without working for it. That isn't the work of a superhero. I don't care if I saved the world a few times. I'm saving the world from myself." She says sadly, and then takes a large gulp of whisky.
"You say that, but I disagree. You were willing to stay in a world you don't even have to be in, to fix your problems. You could have left and gone home, but you didn't. You've fixed your mistakes and made friends and made yourself a good person now. You've changed a lot of lives for the better." You give her a small smile.
"I guess I never thought of it like that. Thanks." She returns your smile. "So, how was high school for you? We never spoke much."
"It was okay. The teachers didn't suck for once and I actually made friends." You say.
"That's good."
You give a small yawn. You're tired, it's been a long day but the last thing you want is for Sunset to leave. This has been the best day you've had in a long while, just because she was part of it.
You look over at Sunset. It's still hard to believe it's her, the same beautiful girl you had a crush on for so long. The girl that you had tried to talk to so many times but couldn't muster the courage or the confidence to talk to her. You look at her jacket. It's like it's part of her, it always had a place in her outfit, and she always looked great. On the back is some embroidery that reads, 'Live with no regrets.'
You certainly have some regrets. One of the main ones is not telling her how much you liked her back in high school. You wonder if she has any regrets. Except the main one of course. Sometimes you wonder what it's like to be her. To have turned into an evil demon in front of the entire student body, to be hated by everyone but to still stick around and change, no matter how many dirty looks and horrible comments she got. You admired that about her, you still do. Her ability to stay strong and her determination. That just made you like her more.
"Live with no regrets, huh?" You say, with a slight laugh.
"Yeah, I know it probably sounds completely hypocritical coming from me and my past, but I thought it was a nice philosophy to go by for the future. You know, to avoid situations like last time." She sighs.
"I guess turning into a raging she-demon is a pretty big regret."
"I still don't understand why everyone put up with me after that. I had all that power, I felt so... I don't know. I'm not gonna lie, it was great. In that moment, I felt like I could do anything, anything at all. I finally had what I had wanted for so long. It's so stupid. I was willing to kill for something, that I thought was meant to be mine, and I didn't even deserve it. I was so close. I was so close to getting to rule Equestria, and then Twilight got in my way, ruined my plans again and I had no choice but to change."
"So, what? You didn't want to change?"
"To be honest, at first it was just supposed to be a scam. I was never supposed to actually be good. I remember what Twilight had said, just before she defeated me, 'You may have that crown upon your head, Sunset Shimmer, but you cannot wield it, because you do not possess the most important magic of all-'".
"'... The magic of friendship.'" You whisper. You feel the pieces slotting together. "You were going to pretend to accept friendship, get the magic and control her crown!"
"Yep. I was going to try again after we defeated the sirens and I ponied up for the first time. I thought nobody cared about me, seeing as the Rainbooms never invited me into the band and all people ever did is make comments that they thought I didn't hear. I was going to show them that I was still strong, that it wasn't that easy to stop me."
"What did stop you?"
"The fact that people actually seemed to care after awhile. That I actually had friends, and people who looked out for me, something I didn't have, nor want back home." Sunset tucks a hair behind her ear and frowns. "I had people I cared about, people I knew I could trust and yet, I didn't deserve any of them. I was heartless, cruel, I was willing to do whatever it took to get what I wanted with no regard for anyone else I hurt. I was a monster, even without the crown."
"But you stuck around afterwards, you were willing to make a change and you saved the world, the school multiple times. You weren't that bad."
"Yeah, I helped save the world but as I said before, I was simply fixing the problems I made. I was that bad. I was horrible to everyone, I was willing to do anything, to anyone, to innocent people who didn't even do anything, just to make sure they didn't interfere. I drove one girl to the brink of suicide, just for running against me in the Spring Fling. And that same person was nice enough to be my friend. I don't deserve any of them. I don't even belong here. I ran away from problems back home, just to come into another world and create more problems. People treat me like a hero, but I'm not I'm just a failure." You watch a tear run down Sunset's cheek. "I let my parents down, by not being the achieving daughter they wanted, I let my mentor down because I couldn't accept friendship from the start, I was just a horrible person to her, to everyone." She closes her eyes and allows the tears to flow, one by one down her golden face.
It hurts to see her like this. She used to be that strong girl, that girl who everyone was afraid of, who nobody dared to cross and now, she just looks vulnerable, blinking back tears and looking away from you. All you want is to put that beautiful smile back on her face, but you don't know how.
You take her hand in your own. "It's okay." You say softly.
She gives you the smallest hint of a smile, before taking her hand and pulling her sleeves up, revealing horizontal red cuts all the way up both arms. Some are just scars, but some look more recent, like they've only been done a day or two before. You gasp at the sight. "I don't deserve to be here. I don't deserve such good friends. I don't deserve anyone." She looks down at the ring on her finger and you feel that wave of sorrow return. You had almost forgotten about it. "I'm not even married. I know you noticed. I just wear this because I know I don't deserve anyone. All these people that I was willing to see dead, had every right to hate me after what happened, and I wouldn't have blamed them. But they didn't. They were nice to me, despite how horrible I was to them. They forgot about it all when they shouldn't have. For everything I did, I deserved punishment, I still do. This is my punishment."
You reach out and softly touch one of the slits. "How long have you been doing this?"
"Since the Fall Formal. I tried to stop during the battle of the bands, but it only got worse after the sirens cornered me in the hallway. I became addicted. Sometimes, I'd stop for a day or two, but then I'd get my conscience telling me that I was being a coward and not accepting what I deserve."
"You need to stop. You can't keep doing this, it's dangerous. You'll hurt yourself, permanently." You look at her with pleading eyes and squeeze her hand gently.
"What about all the people I've hurt? They're living with that permanently. I made their lives a misery, I deserve this!" Sunset sobs, pulling her sleeves back down. "This is nothing compared to what I did to them."
You don't say anything, but simply pull her into your arms and let her cry. You can smell that scent she carries everywhere, cinnamon and strawberries. You feel your face heat up slightly at being this close to her, but you push away any thoughts and just concentrate on Sunset.
"Sunset, no matter what you did, nobody deserves this." You say firmly.
"But I do. I was so horrible for so long, to so many people and-"
"Sunset, look at me." She looks up at you with wet eyes, it's heartbreaking but you carry on. "You don't deserve this."
"How can you think that?"
"Because, you stuck around to fix the problems you created. You didn't run home like you could have, you dealt with everything, with how everyone was acting towards you, just so you could put it right. You didn't have to do any of that, and yet you did. You saved a world you didn't even live in. And no matter how bad you think what you did was, you could sympathise with others and help them change. You used a bad experience to make some good elsewhere. If that's not being a hero, I don't know what is."
"I guess I never thought about it like that." Sunset says, rubbing the tears from her face. Her smile reappears for just a second, only to disappear once again. "But... I don't know. I want to believe what you're saying but I really don't see how everything I did to everyone for so many years can be solved by blasting a couple people with magic. I'm the reason that they were able to obtain that magic in the first place. I'm the one that made them think of themselves as monsters when they weren't. I'm responsible."
You sigh. This is going to be hard, but that doesn't mean you're going to stop trying. "I know nothing I say will matter that much, but you can't think of yourself the way you do. You need to let the past stay in the past and make a difference now. Stop thinking about what you have done wrong and focus on what you can do right."
She nods. "I'll try."
"If you ever need to talk, I'll be here. If you're ever feeling down, I'm here. You're not a monster Sunset, and I'm not going to stop until you realise that."
"Thank you. I'll try to stop, but it's not that easy. An addiction is hard to stop. As I said, I have tried but then somehow I find myself doing it again, even if I tell myself I don't want to."
"Do things to take your mind off it. I'm here for you, we'll work through this."
You finally realise how close you are to her, your hands have found their way to her hips and hers are on your shoulders. You blush, you really don't want to, but you let her go and she shifts herself back into her seat.
"Promise me you'll try to stop." You plead.
"I promise, but that doesn't really guarantee anything." She gives a small, strained laugh.
You nod. You know it's not going to be easy, but you know you have to keep trying, you have to make her stop.
You feel bad for thinking she was so strong. You thought she could handle anything, but she's only human, well, she's not but she has feelings. Nobody can come out of what she's been through and be completely untouched by it, mentally and physically. But you're going to help her.
"I better get going, I don't wanna be late for work tomorrow." She scribbles her number on a piece of paper and hands it to you. You both get up and you follow her to the door. You open it and she steps out into the cold air.
"We should do this again sometime." She says.
You really don't want her to leave. There's still so much you want to say but you can't. You bite your lip. "I was thinking the same thing." You say. You look down at her ring again, and then you remember. She's not married. You still have a chance. Maybe.
Suddenly, your body starts working on its own. You take a step towards her as your hand finds its way to her waist and you pull her closer. You study her face for any objection, but you receive a look of longing, wanting you to move forward. You finally do the one thing that you've always wanted to do and place your lips on hers. You feel her arms wrap around your neck and you are pulled closer to her. She matches all your moves, it's even better than you ever imagined. You finally break apart for air and she gives you probably the biggest smile you've ever seen.
"Same time next week?"
You chuckle. "I'll fit something in."
Author's Note
Hey! I hope you liked my first story. Please leave some pointers so I know what to change for next time, that would be much appreciated. 
