I'm not, no, nonsense, don't hit me
It is clearly not a pleasant experience to watch a mare walking towards me, with a blade held in her magic and the blade draws a series of sparkles with the ground of the dungeon. The mare, princess Celestia, wants to kill me. Her face shows that her mental condition is not very stable and she is on the verge of hysteria.
Although the situation of me is critical. The memory still takes me back to the time when things are still normal.
I was a human, a male, nobody and a brony. I am short in confidence all the time and I never dare to invite a girl to a date. My friends always said I should have a try on girls but I keep on telling them that I am not interested while withhold the truth. The truth is that I am long for love. But after many years of self-restrain, I become confused about it. I learnt to pretend to be calm and undistorbed when I see beauties. My friends also say that my lack of romantic experience will finally let me pay. But I still can not cross the line of dating.
In short, I am a miserable nobody who never even have a taste of love. And I always worried about those minor things that most people always let it past. Mentally fragile, I think I am.
When I woke up, I found I being here. A dungeon, I think. The warm dim light of torches lighted the dark surroundings. The moisture in the air made my nostrils feel good. In front of me stood series of iron bars. Judging from the limited space in my side of bars, I was in jail. Good.
I raised my arm to try to call someone to ask if there were some misunderstanding. The clatter of the mental drew my attention to my arm and, a hoof. I did not know whether I should be happy. Being a pony is pleasant, maybe. But being teared from human society eh… is happy. Human, a miserable specie while ponies, a specie with possibilities, I started to think.
The coat of mine is white. From the corner of my eyes, oh, my mane is orange. I raised my hoof to check if I have a horn.
A loud noise stopped me from checking. The door, the door of my jail flied inward and luckily it contacted with the ground first and hardly hit me. My jail was at the end of a corridor and I could see a figure walking towards me. White coat, rainbow mane - Princess Celestia herself, the most charming character in the show. My mind was screaming at me. Maybe, maybe I should ask her for a signature. She drew a blade from a nearby guard with her gold magic. Wait, I did not even notice there were a guard. And a blade? Then she locked her eyes on me, with hatred. Oh, shit.
I don’t want to die, especially don’t after starting being a pony. I hoped. Suddenly, fractures of memory of this body flowed into my mind:
This was the most desperate time for Celestia. 100 years after nightmare moon was banished, all attempts of bringing her sister back were proved to be useless. The elements refused her call and the dream contact from her sister was ruined to protect her little ponies.
Celestia gave up and she decided to be the final defense of her nation on her own. She then questioned herself that whether there was something in her body and mind that would turn her in to her dark counterpart like her sister and lead her to make bad decisions she fears to see. So she started to do research on herself. At first the experiment went well and she found the tendency of falling into darkness in her body, a seed of dark magic and negative thought.
The method of altering mindset and modifying body magical structure is a long lost forbidden art. But Celestia managed to search through tomes and found fragments of it.
Celestia believed that she need to be pure enough to lead her county so she need those faults out of her body. The first experimental separation of dark magic and collateral negative thought was very successful. Celestia feels relieved and refreshed after the separation. She decided to do it again, at larger scale.
Wait, how did I know her feeling and experience upon this? It should be secret to other ponies and it is not in the show.
The memory went on:
The second extraction of dark magic and negative thought was not successful as expected. Celestia felt that she lost more things. The extraction clear the thoughts that she did not want, as well as other things. She felt less passion for helping her ponies and many other small changes she fear to see. She even felt boring about cakes.
Those changes are logically related to some dark thoughts, as later conformed, which made Celestia fear the effect of this magic, fear that this magic would make her not her. Like the pursuing beauty will result in showing off. But the fear did not last long because she soon found that extracted magic and thoughts formed an incomplete figure and this figure burnt a tree to claim authority to a small town where the tree is located. The intimidation was successful and this town were under the regulation of this magical entity. But the strike from Celestia is quick and deadly. This entity fell under Celestia’ hoof within minutes. This magical entity had white coat and orange mane, like my current body.
The memory ends here. Celestia is still walking towards me, with a blade in her gold magic. I can see fury and fear in her eyes. The blade scraps with the rock ground and generates many spackles. But my train of thought does not stop. I need to figure out a methods to keep me from being killed. The spackles from the scraping are consist of hot iron and hot carbon particles. Stupid brain, why do I think of this. Carbon particles will not save me.
It suddenly hit me that why I know that magical pony who burnt a tree is an incomplete one and why I have some memory I know I never experience them. That magical pony, or entity, is a combination of what Celestia didn't want and parts of what will lead her to dark side, magically and mentally. The reason it burnt a tree is just based on logics and instincts from Celestia. That entity has many features that are from Celestia but it had no what can be described as a soul until now, I am in this body.
Celestia just walks pass the entry of my cell with her blade when I straggle from my memory and the blade leaves a trail of scratch all along the corridor. I retrieve back in fear until I feel a solid cold wall behind my back. Well, I am doomed. I sit there and think.
“You were supposed to die when I first found you.” Celestia stops in front of me and speaks in a stoic tone. “But I can see the fear in eyes of the ponies in the village, not towards you, but towards me. They feared me. You hear that, they feared me, you beast. So I decided to execute you later and it is now.”
Celestia is becoming unstable judging from her face and tone. She aims her blade at my chest and prepares to stab. I have to do something. I may have a horn. I can also use my legs to let her loss her balance. No, just horn. I start to concentrate on my magic inside my body, as many fictions describe. Many foals can use levitation, it must be “think it happen” type of magic. I try and I feel something. But my mouth moves faster.
“Please don’t kill me.” I say. Begging for mercy is not what I intended to do. But it just come out of my mouth. “I can be useful. Please don’t kill me. I don’t want to die.” I can even feel tears travel from the corner of my eyes. I DID lack of confidence but doing so is completely out of my character.
Celestia is visibly stupefied by this sudden outburst. She didn’t expect I am suddenly in tears and beg for mercy.
“No, it has to end quickly.” Celestia soon recover from the initial shock and prepare again for stabbing.
Shit, I have to do something. I don’t want to get stabbed. I have not been stabbed in my whole life. Maybe magic is a good choice. I start to focus.
“Do I look like your sister?” My mouth uncontrolledly says. Shit, this is the worst thing to be said here. She will be angry. I even don’t have the same fur color with Luna. Then I realize that this move is a good distraction to distract Celestia from killing me instantly. After the initial strong impulsion, there is a good chance that Celestia will not want to kill me that eagerly.
The effect is noticeable. It significantly prolong my life. Celestia is confused and she is drawn into her memory. Now it is time for me to do some magic. I should shut me eyes and concentrate more on my inner energy…
Shit, from my half-shut eyes, I can see anger and shame climb up Celestia’s face and she is about to stab me again.
It happens so quickly that I don’t have time to reopen my eyes. I feel something penetrate my fresh. It hurt like shit and I scream like a girl.
Wait, a girl? Shit, I should not worry about whether I scream like a girl. I should worry… Oh, right. That I can scream shows that I lungs is unharmed.
I manage to open my eyes and find a blade in my left shoulder. The point of the blade impales into the rock wall behind me and fixes me on the wall. The amount of bleeding and the fact that I can still move my wounded arm show that Celestia don’t want to kill me for now, or she just want to torture me, or I am just lucky that she missed my important vessels and nerves.
I look up and I can see Celestia’s angry eyes. I was shocked to see how angry Celestia can become. The gold magic surrounds her and forms a… I immediately change to my best puppy eyes I can manage.
Why I can do puppy eyes! I have never done it before and it is shameful. I scream to myself mentally but the fact is that my puppy eyes are becoming more adorable.
“How you dare to compare yourself with… my sister!” The effect of puppy eyes is significate and Celestia can’t help but soften her tone.
“Please, don’t kill me. You don’t want to kill me.” I plead and my tears come out of the corner of my eyes and I start to wail.
“I don’t need you to teach me what to do.” Celestia grits her teeth while her magic grips me throat and lifts me slightly.
Oh, it hurts more. My wound is worse because of the change of weight.
“Tell me a reason that I won’t kill you.” Celestia’s word make my heart sink.
Think fast, brain. I need to show her I am not some pussy that she can do whatever she what, or the situation will be worse than I already in.
“You can have my loyalty and I can serve you until the very end.” I don’t know why my mouth would say this. I never behave so submissively like this. I suddenly realize that this body is a combination of what Celestia don’t what. So being submissive is probably one of the last things Celestia likes. So she just have it extracted. And her waste formed my body.
“Heh” Celestia chuckles and fasten her grip on my throat. “I don’t need my dark side to serve me.” I can see her teeth. Why do I see her teeth?
“You need a trial, a trial on me, to tell all the ponies in your nation and those foreigners that anyone, whoever it is, need to subject to this land’s law when they do wrong things.” I never expect those instincts and logics will lead me to give an answer like this. But talking about a trial, the worst case of it is just banishment or jail. Much better than death. Wait, where is my spirit of pursing freedom?
“Well.” Celestia says with a cold smile. “Good idea.”
Celestia then turns around and leaves my cell. “There will be a trial for you.” Her tail swings from side to side and this shows… I am not some perverts who focus on other’s tail.
I watch her figure walk across the corridor and leave the dungeon. I can see her visibly relieved, probably because she don’t want to kill a being herself, even it is necessary. I continue to stare until the clip-clop voice finally perishes. How beautiful and powerful she is, I think. Her long legs and her slim body. Wait, why do I admire somepony who just stab me. Is this called Stockholm syndrome?
I can feel my blood run to my face and a special feeling surges in my mind, love? My heart is speeding and my wound is bleeding more. Shit, I shout mentally to myself: I will not love somepony forget her blade in my shoulder.
I can’t keep impaled all the day. So I start to pull out the blade with my… hooves? I look at my hoof and I highly suspect it is a good tool for gripping. And magic? No, if magic is that useful, they must have something to counter it when they put a being with a horn in jail.
I try to touch the handle of the blade with my hoof and it hurts more. I try several times and give up as the vibrations the touches generate travel into my wound and it hurts. Then I need to find another solution.
“Hi, you, the guy without a sword.” I say to the guard whose scabbard is empty. “Your blade is in my shoulder. Would you please retrieve it?”
He doesn’t response. Good. His facial movement indicates that he heard what I said. But perhaps his training keep him from answering me. I have to do something else. Maybe I should ask nicely, using my female charm. Shit, why do I think of seducing a stallion? I look down and have a glimpse at my crotch. Ok, even I don’t know much about pony anatomy, I can still tell that I’m a girl. So only if I can ask nicely, I can get what I want.
“Please, it is not an honor for a gentlecolt to watch a mare impaled on the wall.” I say with my softest tone. Oh heavens, I was just thinking about its feasibility. I don’t want to actually do this but my mouth just did it for me. “I know some of colts would be aroused when the mare is in bad shape and praying for help. But I’m sure you are not one of them.”
Still not response. But I can see his quivering lips. But this is not enough. I need more than that.
“You heard our conversation. Your princess want me alive to be used as materials on a trial. And she won’t be happy if you leave me dying of bleeding.” I say so as I squirm my body.
Good, he swallows something and fiddles his hooves. I should continue.
“I can offer you a small reward once this thing is…” I don’t like what I am talking about but seducing seems natural to me. Thankfully I don’t have to continue because sounds of hooves interrupt my monologue.
“I was informed there is somepony who need treatment on wound. Who is that?” A doctor dressed pony comes in and I immediately loss my attention on that poor guard. Oh thank Haven. Celestia still remember me. A blush appears on my face and I start daydreaming about my affair with the mighty Celestia. I can also feel moisture in my nose and a feeling of gratification of being worried and cared. While the other side of me screams to me that this is crazy because Celestia just want to keep me alive until the trial.
Anyway, I didn’t concentrate even when the treatment was going on, which helped me get through the painful process. I didn’t feel much pain even when the contorted tip of the blade glided out of my body:
The doctor carefully cleared the ruined point of the blade and told me to hold on. I didn’t listen but I kept on imagining Celestia doing various things to me. With a mental & fresh sound, the blade was drawn away from my shoulder while I was just imagining… well, I should not mention here.
The train of daydream stops itself as time passes. I finally realize my today’s behavior is completely out of my character. I was a male, remember? I won’t seduce a male or being submissive like this. Using my female advantages is completely insane. And I was a normal human and I will never have Stockholm syndrome and love a pony who just stabbed me.
Maybe being in a pony’s body makes me do this. Ponies may are naturally submissive to the authority. And being in the combination of what Celestia don’t want has worsen my mental condition. Today I can still feel disoriented and faults, but there has to be one day all this feels natural to me. Maybe tomorrow morning when I wake up there is not mental burden for me to do facial makeup with what even I have in cell for 1 hour.
It is creepy to think of this mental changes. I will change to someone I won’t recognize in a short time. Thankfully this transformation might not be painful, or even not noticeable.
Then I try to persuade myself. Since I have no options, I should just treat this transformation like education. It takes years for us to get educated and become who we may not be able to imagine when we are young. We change and we never complain about it. Merging with what Celestia don’t want is not that bad. It will just take away some of my features and add some new ones, as long as it is me who take the wheel, maybe? Anyway, it take price to be with my mighty and beautiful Celestia (shit!).
The mental resistance just perishes and surprisingly I don’t care. My old past just gave me a small opaque warning and left. My shoulder still hurts but it is getting better with the help of bandage. The doctor is leaving and he wishes me a good night.
Yes, a good night. I should prepare for a new day. I then start to meddle with my mane. It take me 30min to realize that what I am doing. Maybe the merging is already complete.
And I smile.