Taste Our Blessed Steel, Unholy Beasts!
Author's Note
Don't take the jokes in this story too seriously. It's all lighthearted banter.
Taste Our Blessed Steel, Unholy Beasts!
The castle was jam -packed with ponies, griffons, dragons, and humans alike. Tonight was a special event held every Saturday within the walls of the royal Canterlot palace. Luna was known to be an exceptionally proficient gamer throughout the northwestern hemisphere. As word of her gaming knowledge began to circulate, many gamers, young and old alike, requested to see her collection she had amassed. When this became a commonplace occurrence, she proposed the idea of a weekly game night to her older sister as a means of connecting with the public.
"Oh, Luna; are you in for quite the surprise."
"Meaning...?"
"You're not the only one who enjoys her share of visual stimulation here."
"Are you implying you play as well!?"
"Play!? Oh, no! I crush the forces of darkness with my divine might!"
Luna was starry-eyed. Her sisters passion for the fictional arts rivaled that of her own.
"Come! We must make the preparations!"
"Agreed!"
Now, Luna and Celestia stood ready to greet their subjects with the utmost enthusiasm.
"So you're the almighty princesses we've heard so much about," an unfamiliar visitor acknowledged them.
"May we ask your name," Luna inquired.
"I'm Maria; Maria Drake. This is my brother Brandon, our friend Emily Joseph, and we're here with four others too. That's Harmonic, Atmospheric, Melodic, and Hard Core."
"We must say, your sense of fashion is absolutely impeccable."
"Thanks. Yours isn't so bad either."
"I wish I was born a natural Goth like my sister," Celestia cut in.
"Never fear," Luna replied, "It just so happens your pupil and I have plenty of tips to transform you from the pretty princess of sunlight to the beautiful queen of burning fire."
"Twilight is a goth?"
"You sound surprised," she suddenly heard Twilight say in response.
"Ah, there you are! You must share your secrets with me!"
"It's easy! Just dress in black, listen to a lot of rock music, and read Gothic literature! Anything else is really optional."
"My! I wouldn't have dreamed it would be so simple!"
"Twilight knows a thing or two about heavy music and forbidden romance," Rainbow snickered.
"Forbidden nothing. We don't even share DNA."
"You and Shining Armor aren't related," Spike asked.
Twilight turned a glowing shade of red when she realized how awkward this was starting to sound.
"We are. It's not Shining. It's someone else..."
"A relative of Cadence?"
"No."
Rainbow couldn't help but burst into laughter at how oblivious the young dragon was.
"Bite me...," Twilight muttered in embarrassment. Celestia began to laugh as well.
"I'm sorry, Twilight. It's admittedly entertaining to watch our subjects squirm from time to time."
Celestia leaned in closer and whispered into her former student's ear.
"Though, to be fair, Rainbow is correct. The only thing stopping you is the age of consent, and that will only be a barrier for so long."
"There's kids here, ya' know," Maria joked.
"Somehow I highly doubt you care," Celestia called her bluff.
"Damn. You got me."
"Sister, it's almost time to enter your chamber," she reminded Luna.
"Very well."
The younger sibling went up the stairs where the royal thrones stood.
"Attention, one and all! My beloved sister has informed me that the time of enjoyment is upon us! Please follow us to my room!"
The crowd went nuts and started cheering, especially the teenagers. Everyone started moving deeper into the castle.
"We have arrived," the night princess exclaimed, "Food and beverages will be provided here and in the kitchen. There's plenty for everyone!"
"Dude, I'm starving," Maria stated.
"Help yourself!"
"Hell yeah!"
Everyone started grabbing plates and cold cans of soda from the coolers. There was pizza, popcorn, chips, sweets; every kind of food you could possibly imagine."
"Now is the matter of choosing a game."
"What's one you like," Celestia asked.
"Pokemon...Maybe..."
Maria noticed the indecisive look on Luna's face. She already foresaw this problem long before it came into fruition.
"You fuckers wanna' see a REAL game?"
"Someone has quite the mouth on them...," Rarity sighed under her breath.
"What kind of game," Celestia asked.
Maria pulled a square case from her back pocket.
"This one's called Castlevania: Symphony of the Night."
Luna gawked at the game. The design on the case already had a Gothic feeling to it.
"I take it you've never heard of this one before."
"How can you tell," Luna inquired.
"You have that 'new game' look written all over your face."
"I need to stop making that so obvious."
"What do you say? Wanna' pop this sucker in and give it a shot?"
"Should we," Luna asked Celestia.
"There's no harm in trying."
Luna levitated the game and opened the case.
"These PlayStation 1 games weren't known for their disc art, were they," she commented.
"Not really," Maria confirmed.
Luna booted up her PS3 slim and opened the tray. There was currently no game inside. It felt almost blasphemous.
"I guess we will have to correct this, won't we?"
She placed the disc into the console and closed the lid. The PlayStation logo soon appeared, and finally, so did the title screen.
"First thing you wanna' do is enter a name," Maria instructed her.
"Okay."
Luna entered her name into the save log.
"Now sit back, turn up the fuckin' volume, and enjoy."
After a brief cutscene, the game began.
*cue rock music*
"OH SHIT," Rainbow yelled, "HELL FUCKIN' YEAH!"
Everyone in the room started dancing and moshing around.
"Use the d-pad to move! Square is for regular attacks! Triangle uses sub-weapons," Maria shouted over the music.
Luna quickly mastered Richter's basic skills.
"Press down, then up and x at the same time to do an uppercut jump!"
Luna did so with little trouble.
"Hold the down button and press x to do a slide!"
The princess performed the instructed task.
"His last move is a mid-air cross dash! Jump with x, do a circle on the d-pad, and attack right after!"
This was the hardest technique to control, but once she learned, there was no stopping her.
"Collect the hearts from the candles for sub-weapons!"
Luna quickly amassed 99 hearts.
"Now we can slaughter that little wussy, Dracula! Go to the end of the hall!"
The music disappeared, calming everyone down.
"Begone! This world is not yours to live in!"
"It is not by my power that I am revived. It is because of the greedy humans that I live once more. Might is the one and only justice that exists, after all."
"That's nothing but your self-centered interpretation! Guided by common beliefs, people seek each other out, gather together, and move forward!"
"However, is it not true that greed has driven the humans' development, and that faith has led them?"
"Power alone cannot lead people! Respect and a loving heart are what truly lead humanity!"
"Foolish drivel. I will prove to you which of us is right...With death!"
The battle began.
"Shit, son! He wants to throw down!"
Luna used every skill in Richter's possession to destroy Dracula's first form. He immediately transformed into his more demonic incarnation.
"HOLY SHIT," Celestia shrieked in a surprisingly non-royal fashion.
"Keep calm," Maria told Luna, "Use divine storm!"
Luna pressed triangle, summoning a downpour of holy rain.
"Taste the power of God!"
Dracula was dead within seconds. Everyone started cheering.
"It's not over yet."
More story was explained on the screen.
"Alucard? Who is that," Luna wondered.
"Watch."
After the text and intro, the game began in a forest with the screen automatically scrolling. Out of nowhere, a character with long, platinum blonde hair, armor, and a glowing red cape appeared.
"Oh my," Luna swooned.
"Press down, roll over to the right, and attack."
After entering the control input, Alucard vanished for a brief moment and reappeared on the other side of the screen before doing a double sword jab.
"He's so fast!"
"You're invincible when you do that move. You'll be spamming it a lot near the end of the game."
Luna killed the werewolves and headed into the castle.
"Be on the lookout for a few pieces of stone you can break in the next couple rooms. You can get healing items."
"Does that say chicken in the corner," Fluttershy asked meekly.
"Sorry," Maria admitted, "People eat some kinds of animals on Earth."
"Oh..."
"Don't get too depressed about it. There are a lot of people who don't like meat. You might get along really well with them."
"Okay..."
"It would appear there's turkey in the staircase," Luna noticed.
"You get food from weird places."
"Clearly."
"Stop here. I can teach you a few spells now. Press right, left, up, down and attack to summon a spirit."
"He can use MAGIC!?"
"Yep. Try this one next; roll left, up, right, and push attack to use Dark Metamorphosis."
"What does this spell do?"
"It steals health from enemies that bleed."
"His vampire powers?"
"Yep."
"I need to use the Mare's room. Could you do the rest of the spells?"
"Yeah. After you use them, you can look at the button inputs in the menu."
"Excellent. I'll be back in a moment."
"You're about to be really mad," Maria thought.
Luna left the room while Maria entered the rest of the currently available spells.