Eddie Riggs goes to Equestriaby GeneircnamehereChaptersJust another dayDropping a deuceI shall call you "cocaine pony"Are you effing kidding me?oh god whyinsert relevent chapter name hereThe guardian of metalThe power of rockThe power of rock part 2Just another dayIt was a normal day for Eddie, which some would call abnormal but compared to the months before it was as normal as it gets, He had beaten a chump in a race who claimed his car was faster, deliverd beer to a party, and got wasted at said party, took a nap.... Oh and he also slayed some kinky demons. Just another day in the life of Eddie Riggs he thought to him self as he smoked a cigerette, while sitting on top of a decaipitatied demon nun. He was on a hill overlooking Bladehenge, He could see Ophelia talking to one of the Headbangers, he smiled, it was good to see they didn't hold a grudge since she "became all evil and stuff" at first she would try and place herself away from all of the party goers, but "the crew of Ironheade" wanted to make it clear there were no hard feelings. Just outside of Bladehenge was the graveyard, he could see one of the Killmasters boy's hanging around at a grave, drinking a beer. trying to look sad but Eddie knew the truth. Today before he went out for a drive he talked with the same guy in the graveyard. "One of your friends?" Eddie asked "Nah dude." The guy replied "I just wanted a couple drinks. I drink them here so it dosen't look like that much of a problem." He had to admit that was a pretty slick way to get a few beers in that early with no questions asked. His gaze wanderd to the left of the Graveyard, he could see the crouched form of Lita, still mourning the death of Lars. He shook his head, he didn't like to relive the memory of Lars death, He didn't show it, but Lars death really shook him. He was the true leader of Ironheade, not Eddie, when he died Eddie had to take his place, of course no one gave him credit for it all the credit went to Lita. Not that he cared, he wasn't comfortible in the spotlight. He sighed, eventullay he was going to try to cheer her up someway, but he decided to let her mourn, she didn't actually have any time to herself while they were on the road. His gaze wanderd untilt it reached the Razer Feilds, he was remembering fond memories of him and Ophelia untill he heard the sound of a Skull Raker about to throw the werid mace thing it called a head. Eddie quickly turned around to see the head of a Skull Raker about 15 ft away form him but still closing the distance fast. Eddie had just enough time to yell SHIT! before the Raker's head connected with his body, he flew back, everything hurt. He was no stranger to pain though, through the course of his stay, he'd been light on fire, suffered mutiple blade injures and also shrappnel wounds. His car would explode on a daily basis, so he knew he could get back up on his feet but it would take some time before hand. He landed in a weird way, he felt a bone in his back break, imoblizing him, another minor setback. He had freed enough imprissend dragons, so that half of is flesh was that of a demons, so healing fully shoudn't take more than half an hour. To bad he didn't have have an hour to waste. he looked down to fully see the damage done, his left leg and arm were bleeding badly, should take about thrity secounds to heal, right arm sufferd minor cuts, everything else was minor. He could still fight, once his back healed, and it wasn't going to any time soon. Then he noticed his left hand, it was over his belt buckle, the same one that brought him to this totally badass world, come to think of it when has he ever changed clothes, when did anyone change clothes in this werid land. He didn't have time to question it becouse some blood from his hand fell into the mouth of his buckle. It's eye's glowed deep red and a strange red substance came out of its mouth, as if blood were falling from it. The Skull Raker readied itself for another attack, it grabbed its head and with a mighty throw, it tossed it at Eddie still imoblie. "Ah shit." Eddie said "This is going to hurt isn't it?" Eddie awoke, the events from yesterday still fresh in his mind. He slowly opened his eye's to see that he was in a forest. "Thats it?" Eddie asked no one in paticular. "Just a forest? No random scrap metal, or demons worshipping my mother? Or even a giant worm thingy with three toungs? No S&M Demons?" Thats when the reality of the situation cought up with him, these trees were kind of like the ones back home, in the future. that ment he was back, or so he though when he noticed his axe and guitar on the ground. Huh at least I get to keep my axe's. maybe he was just transported to a different part of the Brutal land. When a percing scream tore through the woods he was in. "Thinking later saving now!" Eddie yelled as he sprinted towards the scream. It was a short run when he saw it something he rememberd seeing in a book or something it was a long time ago and Eddie didn't have time to fish for the memory right now, but he knew what it was, a manticore. He quickly jumped at an impressive height and came down, slicing off the beast's tail and head. "Decaipition!" Eddie sang out as the beast's head fell off, the blood coating his face into a crimson red. He turned to see a strange creatrue indeed. A purple unicorn. "Ya know I have seen a lot of werid creatures in my time but you take the cake." The purple unicorn seemed suprised, as if it had never seen a human before, it seemed to compose itself and say in a shaky voice. "Hello my name is Twilight sparkle whats yours?" Eddie had a shocked face and yelled. "AHHH IT TALKS! QUICK KILL IT WITH FIRE!" Dropping a deuceHey if you guy's hate my spelling, feel free to scream at your computer to let me know how you feel. Twilight was shocked, what was this creature? What were those things on it's back? Why was she so calm when the creature wished for her death by flames? Her mind was numb from too many questions brimming about in her head. Wait. Why was she in the forest anyway? She didn't have time to think much about it as the stange creature dobuled over with laughter. "Hahaha" Eddie laughed "When I go to a really fucked up place where demons control the world and jaguares shoot lasers from there eye's I handle it just fine. But when you throw a tiny talking unicorn into the mix, I freak the fuck out." Eventually Eddie calmed down enough to ask the purple unicorn if she really did talk. "Hey miss purple, did you actually just talk?" "My name is Twilight Sparkle" She replied "And yes I just did talk." "Twilight Sparkle huh?" Eddie said "I'm pretty sure there's a joke about your name somewhere. Well my name is Eddie Riggs." "Oh well hello Eddie, may I ask what are those things on your back?" "This?"( He pulled his trusty seporator from his back.) "This is my axe." "Oh. Whats the other thing?" Eddie seeing an oportunity to screw with Twi he said "This?" (He pulled his guitar Clemintine from his back)" This is my axe." "But you said the other thing was your axe." "It is." "So what's that thing?" "I told you, it's my axe." Twilight gave a sigh and said "Well what does your other axe do?" "Well it should blow stuff up." "WHAT!?" "Don't worry" Said Eddie with a chuckle "I'm not going to blow everything up." "How does it work?" "Hell if I know, it just does." "What do you mean I don't know?" "I just don't. Anyway can we get out of this forest, it's kind of creepy." "Oh yeah, Ponyville's that way." Ponyville? This is just getting wierder and wierder. Eddie thought "Alright stand back, I'm about to do something totally awsome." He then took Clemintine and proceded to let out a guitar solo of epic proportions. When he finished with the last note it seemed lighting came out of the "axe" and surrounded Eddie, then just behind him flames spewed out of the ground and out of it came... What looked like a modified carragie. Eddie looked at his car with pride. it was completly chrome, decked out with a porformance overkill and as much body armor as he could put on it. With homing missle's and a mine dropper on the back, complete with two nitro canisters. Yes this car was as badass as it gets. "WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!" Twilight exlcaimed "I just dropped a deuce." replied Eddie as he jumped into his car. Twilight facehoofed, she was going to have a rough time explianing what that saying was here. "Are you coming? Or are you going to just sit there with your thumb up your... Oh shit I can't really say that here. Godamit. Well are you going to hop in?" "Umm ok?" Twilight replied sounding very much like fluttershy. Twi hopped in the car and they speed off towards ponyville. Just before they speed off, Eddie turned on his "Mouth of Metal" and cranked through the fire and flame's on full blast, head banging the whole way there. Twilight on the other erm... hoof? Was scared out of her mind, they were going at speed's that almost rivaled rainbow dash, along with the blaring music, and how Eddie was clearing trees out of his way by shooting at them with a wierd thing on the front of the car. This was indeed a frighting experince, how Eddie could even react this fast to swerve around and shoot the trees was a mystery to Twilight. All she knew was that he was not one to be bucked with. They reached the edge of ponyville, Eddie swerved to a stop and jumped out and he really did jump, he literly jump about 10ft in the air and landed kness barely buckluing. "Something wrong?" Eddie asked "How did you do that?" "Do what?" "Go from sitting down to up in the air like that." "Oh I just pressed the Y button" "What?" "I don't know just roll with it." Twilight decided to put that in the same catigoriy as pinkie's antics. Wait how was she going to intouduce him to ponyville, his apperance was quite intimadating. Anypony would easily freak out if they saw him, maybe she would intoruduce him to her friends first. The only ponies that would be a problem would be Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Her thoughts were inturupted by Eddie pointing to the sky and saying.. "Hey what's that?" He was pointing to a rainbow speeding towards them at extremly fast speed's. Eddie noticed this and said "This is going to hurt isn't it?" I shall call you "cocaine pony"Author's notes: Well blame this chapter being so late on my computer, and also me having no ambition what so ever, and also the Blue Angles As Eddie fell uncousious he had the usual dream of him and Ophelia hand in hand running along the beach, the sun shining, the birds singing, while him and Ophelia slaughterd demons of course. The dream was going how it normally would go, execept for one thing that made no sense... Ophelia leaned in and said "Remember it's illegal to lick doorknobs in Nevada." "What?" All of a sudden he jerked away from his dream and into reality, he saw Twilight and a strange tiny horse with wings and rainbow colerd hair. "Are you ok?" Twi asked "Yeah, a little sore but I'm fine. Why do you ask?" "Well because when rainbow here, She pointed to the other horse, hit you your body became just coverd in blood." She said weakly "Coverd!?" She noded weakly "Damn she must have hit me pretty hard then." "You think!" Twilight said "And how did your body recover so quickly?" Eddie however did not want to reveal to them of him being half demon. "Anceint Chinese secret" Eddie said. "Why did your body become coatied with blood anyway?" The rainbow haired one asked "I don't know, it's just something that always happend." "Well first of all, I think Rainbow needs to apologize to you." Twilight gave a stern glance over at Rainbow Rainbow sighed and said " I'm sorry." "Don't metion it." Eddie replied "No I mean really don't metion it, I kill you if you do." The ponies had shocked faces. "Oh come on! It was a joke!" Eddie said in an exasperated vocie "A joke! I love jokes!" A pink pony said. Somehow the pink pony had jumped on Eddie's head with noone noticing. "What?' Eddie said obviously confused as to how she got up there with out him noticing "Well I just came down here to meet the new pony, but your not a pony are you?" Eddie just sniffed and said "Way to go crush my dreams of being a pony." Twilight seeing what pinkie was about to do, she quickly grabbed pinke with magic and dragged her out of earshot from Eddie. "Listen Pinkie" Twilight said "I know you want to throw him a party, but only invite us along with, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity. Ok?" Pinkie mearly nodded and they walked back to Eddie and rainbow, or Twilight walked, Pinke just hopped at impossible heights. "Alright" Twilight began "I think you to should intorduce yourselves." "I'm Rainbow Dash, fastest flyier in all of Equestria!" Yeah she's totally modest. thought Eddie "I'm Pinkie pie!" "Really Pinkie pie?" said Eddie "No I shall call you cocaine pony" The ponies didn't have any cocaine here so the joke was lost upon them. "Well" Eddie started "My name is Eddie Riggs." "Nice to meet you Eddie." Pinkie said "Well I gotta go set everything up now see you soon!" "Yeah and I have to clear the sky." Dash said "See ya around Eddie." They both left, Twilight sighed and was about to say something but before she could, she was cut off by a new voice. "GIT AWAY FROM HER YA MONSTER!" Eddie turned around to see an orange blur race foward and kick him in the stomach. As he fell to the ground about to fall uncounsious he thought "I'm begining to see a pattern here." Then everything went black. Are you effing kidding me?Fun fact: I began writing this on the fifth Eddie fell uncousious again, this time he dreamed of fighting Lionwhite, the loser barley knew how to fight. He would mostly call down lighting to attack Eddie, of course all it took to defeat him was a simple pattern. Attack, doge, block, Attack, Rinse and repeat! Suddenly Lionwhite changed tactics, he flew into the air by using his own hair for wings. "Not sure how that works but ok." Said Eddie Lionwhite snapped his fingers and an army appered out of nowhere complete with Hairbangers, Groupie's, and Glamhogs (Who ever thought to give them those name's is totally straight!) "Oh yeah!" Yelled Eddie "I can do that to! I hope." Eddie snapped his fingers and his army appeard complete with Opealia, Lita, and Lars. Oh yeah two can play this game thought Eddie, he rasied his left hand, pointed it at the other army, changed his hand to the classic rock n roll hand sign and yelled.... "Every thing in that general direction must Die!" Both armies charged, Eddie took out his wings and flew into the air to engange in arial combat. For a while the only sounds that could be heard were the clash of swords upon swords, fist's upon skulls,(Or in the Headbangers case Skulls upon fist's) complete with the dying screams of fallen soldirs of course. Eddie's army slolwy began to win, at the same time that happend Eddie started to win his battel with Lionwhite. Sometime later, both armies have died leaving Eddie and Lionwhite. Eddie dashed foward and attacked with a brutal three hit combo with his axe, Lionwhite badly injured prepared to fly away in hopes of recovering, Eddie however forsaw this and played a note on clemintine, sending a lighting bolt down to stun Lionwhite. While Lionwhite was dazed Eddie dashed forward, lept into the air, and came down hard with a massive slice from his axe. Lionwhite fell down, bloody from Eddies' visous attacks, choking on his own blood, finally Lionwhite died. "Yeah!" Eddie exclamied "That's what you get for.... Well everything you did." Eddie however heard a familler voice. "I"m proud to say these free men call me there king!" "Lars." Eddie said. He turned around to see one of his best friends die in front of his eyes, by the spear of Doviclous. "Noooo!" Eddie yelled as ran at the demon. Doviclous laughed as he played guitar solo. Chains flew out of the ground adn wrapped themselves around Eddie, imoblieizing him. "Ha! Ha!" Laughed the demon as he threw his spear at Eddie's face, It just so happed that's exsactly when Eddie woke up. "Guaa!" Yelled Eddie as he shot up to a sitting position, this time instead of Twilight and anothor pony, It was Twlight, with Rainbow Dash and Pinkie, and three other pony's. One was looking rather sheepish, as if she (or he) had done something wrong, the pony was orange with blond hair. And a pretty pimpin cowboy hat, the other was trying despretly to hide behind her mane,( Eddie knew this one was female because no male would be hidding behind their hair) she was a light shade of yellow with a pinke mane. Last but not least was a white pony with purple hair, while this didn't strike Eddie as weird as the other three, she was looking at Eddie in sheer horror. "I'm not going to eat you if that's what your afraid of" Eddie said in a soft voice "Look at your attire!" The white pony exclaimed "Black does not go with black!" After saying this she fainted as if she coudn't stand being in the same room as Eddie. He then said, "Are you fucking kidding me?" Annoucement time! I'm sure you have all figured out my dirty little secreat by now, I can't spell worth shit I mean look! I just misspelt a word in this annoucement! So if one of you would like to be my editior then woo hoo for you, if not then we are all SOL and the next chapter should be coming out soon. oh god whyI told ya this would be out soon! The night was pretty uneventfull for Eddie, sure the white one fantied (who he later found out to be Rarity) but that was about it. They did have a party, but no beer was there but Eddie enjoyed it none the less. But most of the party was just the ponies asking him questions such as.... "What are you?" "What are those things on your back?" "What did you do before coming here?" "What is a Rodie?" "Why is Geneirc working on this chapter so soon?" All the ponies looked at Pinkie with a "What the fuck man?" type of face. "I don't know." Eddie replied "I guess he just got a brust of ambition all of the sudden." "Yeah that is what I thought to." Pinkie replied "Ooookay." Twilight said "Well ah gotta apoligize fer knockin ya out Eddie." The orange pony said(who he found out was Applejack) "Think nothing of it, just like Slenderman. Just don't think about it." The ponies however had become used to his random references to his world. The party continued, they asked him questions about where he was from, he asked questions about the world here, and him and Pinkie gave the 4th wall a severe beating. But finally the party came to a close, and he still needed to find a place to stay. "Hey um guys." Eddie said "Do any of you know where I could find a place to crash?" "Oh darling" Rarity said a plan forming in her head "I have an extra room at my home." "Oh well thank you very much Rarity." They said their goodbyes and Eddie and Rarity headed to her house. Twilight sat alone and watched the retreating forms of Rarity and Eddie, she didn't exactly trust him fully, for when she asked him what he was he hesitated for a second then told her he was a human. He was hiding something, that much was obvious, but what scared her the most was the look in Rarity's eye when she invited him to stay with her. Something bad was about to go down she could already tell. The rest of the night was a haze for she was wondering what Eddie could be hiding, Soon she found herself in her bed about to fall alseep, of course she didn't fall asleep, she was to busy thinking about Eddie and what that look in Rarity's eye was. Soon it was daybreak and she rushed over to Rarity's to get some answers. What she saw was deifinitly not what she was expecting. She saw Eddie in a rather styish tux pure black with a red bowtie, he seemed to notice her and he said.... "Oh god why." Woundn't you hate me for ending it here? It had been an hour since one of the most tramitizing nights of Eddie's life. She made him try on SOOOO MANY SUITS! and not the cool kind like in the movies, like the kind that were really tight and stupid. Eddie slowly rocked himself in the dark corner he had hidden in, he had finally gotten his old clothes back from the evil white one,and he ran and hid in a random house, it looked like no one was home so he jumped at the chance to hide. The house wasn't to special but there was a musical instriment, Eddie wasn't sure what it was but he thought it was a lyre. Normally he wouldn't be hiding but both of his axe's are still at Rarity's and he did not want to go there any time soon. he still rememberd his epic escape from the white one's lair. Twilight came in and looked shocked at Eddie being in a tux. Eddie then said "Oh god why." Then Twilight went and had a talk with Rairity though he couldn't hear what they were saying, he then found his clothes and he quickly changed into them. Rairity and Twilight then came down the stairs, Rarity with a horrible look on her face. Eddie then yelled.... "FUCK THIS SHIT!" And dove through the window and ran to the empty house he now resides in. At least he thought it was empty. He started to feel as if someone or something was watching him. He slowly turned to the left fearing Rarity was back to force him into another suit, but what he saw was much, much worse. He saw a mint green unicorn(He learned about the three types of ponies back at the party) staring at him with a creepy smile. "Hi." Eddie said "I knew humans exsisted I just knew it!" The crazy unicorn shouted "Now come here, I wanna borrow one of your hands." The unicorn said "Oh god why" Eddie whimperd Hey I know this is not a thousand words, and I know I didn't let my Editor read through it( partly becouse I am new here and have no idea how things work) but remember the more you comment the more ambition I get to write! So punch all the dolphins you see, and eat all the muffins you make! insert relevent chapter name hereFun fact: I wrote this at a friends house, and don't expect regular updates. I just write when I feel like it. On the street's of Ponyville "So Rarity what did you do to Eddie?" A very confused Twilight asked " I did nothing dear." Rarity replied "All I did was help his sense of fashion." "Really?" Said Rainbow Dash "His sense of style is pretty awsome, not as awsome as me of course." "Well we can talk later girls." Applejack said "Right now we should be worring about where Eddie ran off to." I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! I KNEW IT! A new voice shouted "Woah girls what was that?" Asked an even more confused Twilight "I don't know but it sounded like it came from the town square!" Rainbow Dash said. And without another word the ponies ran off to see what was the commotion. What they found was Eddie hanging by some rope from a tree (upside down of course) and Lyra at the base of the tree shouting about humans and their hands, and what she would do with those hands, which could quickly turn this into a clopfic. And not just any clopfic, a clopfic that could make doviculus himself puke in disgust. The kind that would make any seasond brony have horrible nightmares. And also have them see the horrible things that can be done with a tree stump, a pair of jumber cables and a balloon. Oh god just thinking about those things just makes me wanna puke..... *BOOM* *Looks away from computer to door* "Eddie Riggs!? Pinkie Pie!? Dafuq you guys doing here?" "We came to tell you to get on with the FUCKING STORY!" "Yeah! and if you don't I'll go "Cupcakes" on yo ass!" "Okay okay look here see? I'm writing okay?" *Back to The mane 6 and Lyra with Eddie* "Lyra!" Twilight shouted "You can't do that, Eddie's a sentinet being!" "No he's not!" Lyra shouted back "He's a human!" Eddie however was to busy huming "Cry of the Banshee" to notice that statement. Twilight and her freinds then agrued for Eddie to be set free, eventually the mane 6 talked Lyra into letting Eddie go. "Okay, okay" Lyra grumbeld after getting a lectrue from Twilight about creatrue rights. Lyra loosend the rope on Eddie with magic and set him free, or at least tried to until he fell in a group of thorns that could really mess up a pony's stomach if eaten. "Ugh" Eddie grumbled after falling down "Woah there Eddie" Applejack said "Ya might wanna git away from those thorns parnter they don't taste to good. "Thorns?" Eddie said as he looked down. Once he saw the thorns was an pause then Eddie asked "Hey twilight do you have my axe's?" "Yeah I got them at Rairtiy's, why?" "Because I recongnize these thorns" Said Eddie with a grin as he grabbed clementine He then proceded to let out anothor epic guitar solo to reveal.... Well you guy's will find out in the next chapter. Annoucement time! I know the ending is a bit more rushed that the normal, but! I wrote this at a friends house and you know how that goes. Except for the one forever alone guy who dosen't have any friends. And also if any of you would like to do your own Brutal legend crossover please do so, I would love to see a fic with Eddie Riggs that dosen't suck. The guardian of metalA/N I bet you are all wondering where I got the idea for Eddie to be a fourth wall breaker, well I got the idea one day when I was playing Burtal Legend, I came across some "Hidden Metal" and the song was "Master Exploder" by "Tenacious D". And also this chapter was going to be a lot longer, but I forgot to save and my two hours of hard work were lost, and I cried a little bit. And also LONGEST CHAPTER YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eddie grabbed clementine and let out an awsome guitar solo which seemed to move the very planet itself, as if the ground was sending something up from it's depths to reveal. What Eddie took to naming " Hidden Metal" it was a sculpture of a skull on top of two speakers with what looked to be fire in the background(In short it was a totally badass statue). As it rose out of the ground Eddie noticed writing on the sculpture, In giant Golden text it read.. "SIX" "ALL THAT REMAINS" Directly in front of the "Hidden Metal" was what looked to be a modified version of Eddie's "Mouth of Metal". Seeing it Eddie walked forward, curious. "What is this some kind of upgrade?" Eddie stated outloud, while fiddling with the new contraption. "Oi! Hello? Can you hear me Eddie?" A familiar voice shouted coming from the new gadget. "Uh yeah, yeah I can hear ya." Eddie said hesitently "Ahhh perfect man, you have no idea how long it took me to figure out this old thing." "Who is this? And how do you know my name!?" Eddie said wondering what the hell was going on. "Who me? Nah I'm noone important, I'm just the Guardian of Metal." "Woah! Guardian of Metal, how've you been man?" "Really? That's the question your going to ask after you left this time and came to a diffrent time, really?" "Well yeah I.... Wait did you just say diffrent time?" "Yeah I did ya blockhead!" "But how?" "Listen mate, how I know this and how this whole time thing is a pretty big secreat, and it'll take about 5,000 fire tributes for me to spill the beans." "5,000! Do you realize how many rocket lauchers I could get with those fire trubutes! A lot!" "Alright alright, we are getting off topic here. After you left the land of Ormagooden...." His statment was intruptted by Eddie. "The land of Ormagooden? Really that's what that place was called?" "Well what do you fucking expect? All of the random scrap metal you saw here was his flesh! In fact his skin gives us light here! And for the Metal god's sake don't intrupt me ever! Allright now where was I? Oh yes, after you left Ophelia was really worried so she set out on a mission to find you." "Oh no" Eddie whisperd "AHEM! Well as I was saying after I was rudely intrupted agian, Ophelia eventually made her way down here and questioned me about your whereabouts. As I am the Guardian of Metal I had a vage idea of what time you were in. After I assured her that you were safe I told her to get the hell out and that you would be back soon, I grabbed this little contraption and fiddled with for a while and finally you picked it up! And thats all the free information I am giving up." "Well how did you even get this little walkie talkie anyway?" "Now that right there is a pricy bit of info" "How do you even know that I'm traveling through time?" "Now that I can answer free of charge. I know about the whole time deal because I just had a chat with the future version of me. Apperantly somewhere around your time I am known as Ozzy Osborne. "No wonder why you both look alike and sound the same." "Oh really? did you know me? The future me didn't give me to many details or else he might cause a paradox, or something like that." (Eddie acutally really did enjoy Ozzy's music, in fact sometimes he only plays Ozzy's music when he goes for a drive. You could call him a fanboy) "Oh ummm yeah I kind of knew you." "Huh, well this little device your holding in your hands is basicly a portible version of your Mouth of Metal." "Awsome! Metal on the Go!" "Ah yeah yeah, now we are cutting into my nap time so if I got any new info for ya I'll let you know. And if you want to contact me just press the little blue button. " "Okay see ya later Guardian of Metal." "I WANT YOU TO GO FUCKING CRAZY OUT THERE!" The machine made a buzzing noise, then stared playing Eddie's new song. Which Eddie quite enjoyed, but he quickly turned it off seeing as how he was in deep shit with the ponies. He turned around to see 5 very pissed off ponies, and Pinkie staring at him with a loopy grin. Eddie steeled himself, it was going to take a lot of explaing to do to get out of this mess. He took a deep breath, mentally prepared himself and said.... "look I will answer all of your questions, just not right here in the middle of the town square." Eddie was planning on using the time it would take to get to a sucluded location to come up with a good way to explain his situation. Twilight, however knowing this trick smiled and said.... "I have the perfect place." And with a grin she teleported all of her friends with Eddie to Rarity's house.(She didn't want spike to be in the middle of this) "Fuck" Eddie said seeing that they were now in one of the most ideal spots to explain his story. "I suggest you start spilling the beans partner." Applejack said "And do not lie, I will know." Yeah that's not creepy at all Eddie thought "Alright I guess It all sarted a long time ago in a galaxy far away, with a boy named Luke Skywalker..." His statement was cut off by Applejack "I said don't lie." "What makes you think I wasn't telling the truth." "You blinked a lot, and you made to many gestures." "Shit." Eddie said "Oh come on!" Rainbow dash shouted "Hurry up already and tell the truth!" "Okay!" Eddie shouted back "I got some blood on this(Eddie pointed to his belt buckle) and I woke up in the most kickass land there ever was met a hot chick, but then a demon corrupted the hot chick, then we fought. Then I won, then I got some more blood on this!(Eddie once agian pointed towards his belt buckle)" "Hold up" Twilight said "Say that agian, this time with detail." As soon as her statment was made the door to Rarity's house opened up, in steped three small ponies. One yellow Earth pony, one white unicorn, and what looked to be a orange chicken. Upon entering and seeing Eddie they gasped and shouted.... "CUTIE MARK CURSADER MONKEY TAMERS YAY!" "I really want to kill something right now" Eddie said under his breath. The power of rockSorry, I was off playing Dead Space 2, Skyrim, and Dues Ex: Human revolution, GTA 4, Dead rising, and Brutal Legend( I love that game). And also light gore In this chapter, I don't think that it is to bad, but shit will get real none the less. And I understand if you want to kick me in the groin for this chapter being so late, I have been focusing all of my time on school, and gaming, but on the bright side I have a 4.0 grade average! But none of you care, so here is the chapter. Eddie's eye began to twicth, already fifteen minutes with the children and he was about to lose it. Twilight and her friends told the three kids about Eddie, then as an interrogation tactic. Twilight let the "Kids from Hell" go "play " with Eddie. Fifteen minutes later, he was about to rip off their skin and dunk them in lemon juice. They did everything they could possibly do to him, hide in his hair, use him as a trampoline, and attempted to learn karate on Eddie's head. Eventually the white one somehow managed to steal Eddie's Guitar and was playing around with it, thinking its a sword or something. Seeing this Eddie quickly ran up and took back Clementine, and was about to give them a stern talking to (AKA Beat the living shit out of them. What! Eddie is having a long day) when suddenly, a scream from outside shattered the atmosphere in the building. The ponies and Eddie all ran outside to see what was the commotion, what they found was a Diamond dog raid. They were taking little colts and fillies to who knows where. "Oh no!" Twilight shouted "Quick! We have got to help!" Eddie ,however, saw this as a chance to release pent up frustration and quickly dashed towards the dogs. As he was rushing towards them he noticed a big and burly dog, more than likely the alpha of the pack. The dogs noticing Eddie quickly readied their weapons clumsily. "These idiots don't even know what their doing." Eddie thought. He ran towards the group and played a note on his guitar setting some of the dogs on fire. He then quickly used one of the remaining dogs as a springboard, lauching Eddie into the air at an impressive height. While he was in the air he started playing his solo "face melter". He landed around the same time the solo finished, so that it looked the second he hit the ground a red wave of pure rock came out of the ground itself and flew towards the dogs. The instant the wave hit the remaining dogs they started screaming and grabbed their facee in a desprate attempt to stop the pain and agony. Soon the dogs began to fall and the sickening sound of their faces bubbeling off stppped, and the alpha was the last standing. Eddie pulled out his axe and began to charge, the alpha doing the same. Eddie's metal infused axe met the dog's diamond sword(I can swing my sword, sword!) and they held in that position trying to overpower the other, Eddie not wanting to play fair, kicked the dog in the stomach and gave a three slash combo that was worthy of the metal god's them selves. Eddie wasn't done yet, he then channeled pure rock into his right foot and kicked the dog in the face, an attack that would have made a regular Diamond dog explode upon impact. The alpha flew back and crashed into a tree. "It's super effective!" Eddie shouted.(I shit you not, Eddie actually says that in the game) The alpha slowly went to his knees unable to fight anymore, seeing this Eddie slowly walked towards the dog his mind in a flurry. 'I should let it live, I don't think the ponies can handle much more bloodshed' Eddie thought observing the green face's of the pony bystanders. He reached the dog, he looked down on it while it was avoiding his gaze, more than likely thinking that Eddie was some demon from hell itself, which he kinda was, Eddie looked at it again and said.. "Get up, I'll let the ponies decide what to do with you" Eddie then turned around and then started to walk away, he had taken three steps when from out of nowhere, claws came and gouged out Eddie's eyeballs, and then proceeded to hack and claw at his face until it was unrecognizable. Eddie would fight back normally, but with out his eyesight he was defenseless, the claws kept hacking and stabbing, and then Eddie blacked out. Eddie slowly came to, he was at the sea of black tears, only this time there was what looked to be a portal in the middle of the lake, through the portal was what looked like a cave with lots of stalagmites jutting around. Eddie tried to get up but he found him self strapped down to a wooden table. "Hello Eddie." Said a familiar voice with pure malice dripping off of every word. Eddie's head jerked around to find... Drowned Ophelia. "Ophelia!" Eddie shouted " How are you still alive!?" "Are you stupid? Did you really think I would be up in that tower waiting for you? That Ophelia was an impostor, I knew Doviculus would betray me, just like you did. But know is not the time for chit-chat, its time for revenge." Ophelia then raised a long and jagged dagger and stabbed it just above Eddie's kneecap. Eddie screamed as she slowly drug the dagger down inch by agonizing inch, until she reach Eddie's kneecap, she then used the dagger as some sort of crowbar and slowly peeled off his kneecap, she then did the same to the other leg Eddie screaming all the way. Ophelia then reached up to Eddie's face and proceeded to hack and saw off Eddie's nose, she then started to pry off Eddie's fingernails, and then started to slowly cut off Eddie's fingers. Eddie wasn't sure how long he suffered this torment, Ophelia was cutting so slow, it could have been and hour, or a month. After Ophelia was done ripping off his elbows, she stopped and frowned, she looked up and said.. "Well Eddie, It looks like our lovely time together is up, but don't worry we'll be seeing each other real soon." She said while pointing to a group of Gravediggers going through the portal. Eddie came to in total blackness, he couldn't see and he could barley make out muffled voices, he slowly reached up to his face to find that it was wrapped up in bandages, the voices stopped and someone started to slowly unravel his face. Eddie steeled him self expecting another visit from Drowned Ophelia, but instead he found... six multicolored concerned ponies. What Loading... Loading... Loading... Loading complete "Oh its you guy's!" Eddie shouted with relief. "Wow we are surprised that thou hath livid" said a new voice. Eddie turned around to see a giant pony with a horn and wings, with hair that looks like the night sky and somehow moves on its own. What The power of rock part 2Ya know I would have had this chapter up sooner but my internet went out for a while so for once you can not blame me, I know I just broke your heart but such is life. Eddie stared blankly at the ungodly creation before him, with his jaw nearly hitting the floor. The giant blue pony seemed to size up Eddie, she finally took in a breath of air and said... "Art thou ok?" "mmnhkhnkh" Eddie mumbled out, still confused as to why this pony was so tall, and why it was speaking like it was in medival times. "We are Luna." The pony said in a cautious tone "We raise the moon and art alicorns." Upon hearing this Eddie threw his hands in the air and shouted... "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD!?" One explantion later "So let me get this straight." Eddie said " You and your sister are immortal godesess who raise the sun and moon." "Yes thou have it as you say 'straight' now." Replied Luna. Eddie gave a blank stare and said.. "I am just going to have to deal that." "So now that we are aquainted." Twilight began "How about we talk about what your world was like?" "Uhhh." Eddie said just before his stomach gave such a menacing growl that even the immortal goddess of the moon backed away in horror. "When was the last time you ate something?" Applejack questioned feircely "About half a month ago." Eddie repiled nochalantly "WHAT!?" All the ponies shouted in usion "Come on." Eddie explained "I live on the road in my world; I really don't have much time to eat." "Well you can explain how's living on the road in your world over breakfast." Twilight said "Go suck off a catus Twilight." Eddie mumbled darkly under his breath "What was that?" Twilight asked "Uhh nothing, nothing. So any of you ponies want to lead the way to the dinning room?" "Follow our personal guard Nightshade." Luna said "He is directly out side of this room, just tell him to lead the way and that its an order from us." "Cool." Eddie responded, he got up out of the bed and motioned for the other ponies to follow. He opened the door to see something that made him stop dead in his tracks. Luna seeing Eddie frozen at the sight of her guard, quickly said.. "Do not fret, our guard will not harm thou." Her statement fell on deaf ears as Eddie rushed forward and gripped the demonic pony in a bear hug of epic porportions. He turned around with tears openly falling down his face and yelled.. "I Knew there was hope for this world!" The walk through the castle was uneventfull, although one could very easily get lost in here, though if Eddie did get lost he could just summon 'The Druid Plow' and smash through all of the walls. "Here we are." Said Nightshade, interuptting Eddie from his thoughts; he gave Eddie a nervous look, turned tail and walked away, or rather 'trotted' away. Eddie looked to the giant set of double doors and walked through them without a second thought, with the six ponies trailng behind him. The room was amazingly huge with a table, to put in Eddie's terms "Pretty fucking huge". Eddie walked up to it and sat down, when the other ponies had found thier respective seats, almost as if on cue, the doors opend with about five ponies with silver platters on their backs walked in followed by Luna, and what Eddie could only assume as her sister 'Celestia'. The servent ponies put the platters on the table and walked away, while they were doing that the two goddess ponies sat down on opposite ends of Eddie. "Alright Eddie." Twilight began "Now tell us about your world." Eddie's mind was a whilrwind as he thought of ways to get out of explaining his world, finally he came up with the perfect plan. His left hand reached down to his waist and he flicked on his 'Mouth of Metal'. Superbeast by Rob Zombie came up and Eddie yelled over the music... "What!? I can't hear you I'm to busy listining to Rob Zombie!" Twilight looked frustrated but Luna looked interested. She used her magic to turn off his 'Mouth of Metal' and asked... "What was that music, it was the best thing we have ever heard?" "Its called Heavy Metal, and it is the most kickass thing to ever have been created!" Eddie said before Twilight could intervene "You wanna hear another song?" "Yes we would love to hear another song." Luna replied eagerly "Alright how about this song, and when ever I listen to this I always feel like I know the singer." Eddie said as he turned on the 'Mouth of Metal' to play... The Metal by Tenacious D. The fourth wall gave a small sigh and prepared for the firce beating it was about to recive.
Just another dayIt was a normal day for Eddie, which some would call abnormal but compared to the months before it was as normal as it gets, He had beaten a chump in a race who claimed his car was faster, deliverd beer to a party, and got wasted at said party, took a nap.... Oh and he also slayed some kinky demons. Just another day in the life of Eddie Riggs he thought to him self as he smoked a cigerette, while sitting on top of a decaipitatied demon nun. He was on a hill overlooking Bladehenge, He could see Ophelia talking to one of the Headbangers, he smiled, it was good to see they didn't hold a grudge since she "became all evil and stuff" at first she would try and place herself away from all of the party goers, but "the crew of Ironheade" wanted to make it clear there were no hard feelings. Just outside of Bladehenge was the graveyard, he could see one of the Killmasters boy's hanging around at a grave, drinking a beer. trying to look sad but Eddie knew the truth. Today before he went out for a drive he talked with the same guy in the graveyard. "One of your friends?" Eddie asked "Nah dude." The guy replied "I just wanted a couple drinks. I drink them here so it dosen't look like that much of a problem." He had to admit that was a pretty slick way to get a few beers in that early with no questions asked. His gaze wanderd to the left of the Graveyard, he could see the crouched form of Lita, still mourning the death of Lars. He shook his head, he didn't like to relive the memory of Lars death, He didn't show it, but Lars death really shook him. He was the true leader of Ironheade, not Eddie, when he died Eddie had to take his place, of course no one gave him credit for it all the credit went to Lita. Not that he cared, he wasn't comfortible in the spotlight. He sighed, eventullay he was going to try to cheer her up someway, but he decided to let her mourn, she didn't actually have any time to herself while they were on the road. His gaze wanderd untilt it reached the Razer Feilds, he was remembering fond memories of him and Ophelia untill he heard the sound of a Skull Raker about to throw the werid mace thing it called a head. Eddie quickly turned around to see the head of a Skull Raker about 15 ft away form him but still closing the distance fast. Eddie had just enough time to yell SHIT! before the Raker's head connected with his body, he flew back, everything hurt. He was no stranger to pain though, through the course of his stay, he'd been light on fire, suffered mutiple blade injures and also shrappnel wounds. His car would explode on a daily basis, so he knew he could get back up on his feet but it would take some time before hand. He landed in a weird way, he felt a bone in his back break, imoblizing him, another minor setback. He had freed enough imprissend dragons, so that half of is flesh was that of a demons, so healing fully shoudn't take more than half an hour. To bad he didn't have have an hour to waste. he looked down to fully see the damage done, his left leg and arm were bleeding badly, should take about thrity secounds to heal, right arm sufferd minor cuts, everything else was minor. He could still fight, once his back healed, and it wasn't going to any time soon. Then he noticed his left hand, it was over his belt buckle, the same one that brought him to this totally badass world, come to think of it when has he ever changed clothes, when did anyone change clothes in this werid land. He didn't have time to question it becouse some blood from his hand fell into the mouth of his buckle. It's eye's glowed deep red and a strange red substance came out of its mouth, as if blood were falling from it. The Skull Raker readied itself for another attack, it grabbed its head and with a mighty throw, it tossed it at Eddie still imoblie. "Ah shit." Eddie said "This is going to hurt isn't it?" Eddie awoke, the events from yesterday still fresh in his mind. He slowly opened his eye's to see that he was in a forest. "Thats it?" Eddie asked no one in paticular. "Just a forest? No random scrap metal, or demons worshipping my mother? Or even a giant worm thingy with three toungs? No S&M Demons?" Thats when the reality of the situation cought up with him, these trees were kind of like the ones back home, in the future. that ment he was back, or so he though when he noticed his axe and guitar on the ground. Huh at least I get to keep my axe's. maybe he was just transported to a different part of the Brutal land. When a percing scream tore through the woods he was in. "Thinking later saving now!" Eddie yelled as he sprinted towards the scream. It was a short run when he saw it something he rememberd seeing in a book or something it was a long time ago and Eddie didn't have time to fish for the memory right now, but he knew what it was, a manticore. He quickly jumped at an impressive height and came down, slicing off the beast's tail and head. "Decaipition!" Eddie sang out as the beast's head fell off, the blood coating his face into a crimson red. He turned to see a strange creatrue indeed. A purple unicorn. "Ya know I have seen a lot of werid creatures in my time but you take the cake." The purple unicorn seemed suprised, as if it had never seen a human before, it seemed to compose itself and say in a shaky voice. "Hello my name is Twilight sparkle whats yours?" Eddie had a shocked face and yelled. "AHHH IT TALKS! QUICK KILL IT WITH FIRE!"
Dropping a deuceHey if you guy's hate my spelling, feel free to scream at your computer to let me know how you feel. Twilight was shocked, what was this creature? What were those things on it's back? Why was she so calm when the creature wished for her death by flames? Her mind was numb from too many questions brimming about in her head. Wait. Why was she in the forest anyway? She didn't have time to think much about it as the stange creature dobuled over with laughter. "Hahaha" Eddie laughed "When I go to a really fucked up place where demons control the world and jaguares shoot lasers from there eye's I handle it just fine. But when you throw a tiny talking unicorn into the mix, I freak the fuck out." Eventually Eddie calmed down enough to ask the purple unicorn if she really did talk. "Hey miss purple, did you actually just talk?" "My name is Twilight Sparkle" She replied "And yes I just did talk." "Twilight Sparkle huh?" Eddie said "I'm pretty sure there's a joke about your name somewhere. Well my name is Eddie Riggs." "Oh well hello Eddie, may I ask what are those things on your back?" "This?"( He pulled his trusty seporator from his back.) "This is my axe." "Oh. Whats the other thing?" Eddie seeing an oportunity to screw with Twi he said "This?" (He pulled his guitar Clemintine from his back)" This is my axe." "But you said the other thing was your axe." "It is." "So what's that thing?" "I told you, it's my axe." Twilight gave a sigh and said "Well what does your other axe do?" "Well it should blow stuff up." "WHAT!?" "Don't worry" Said Eddie with a chuckle "I'm not going to blow everything up." "How does it work?" "Hell if I know, it just does." "What do you mean I don't know?" "I just don't. Anyway can we get out of this forest, it's kind of creepy." "Oh yeah, Ponyville's that way." Ponyville? This is just getting wierder and wierder. Eddie thought "Alright stand back, I'm about to do something totally awsome." He then took Clemintine and proceded to let out a guitar solo of epic proportions. When he finished with the last note it seemed lighting came out of the "axe" and surrounded Eddie, then just behind him flames spewed out of the ground and out of it came... What looked like a modified carragie. Eddie looked at his car with pride. it was completly chrome, decked out with a porformance overkill and as much body armor as he could put on it. With homing missle's and a mine dropper on the back, complete with two nitro canisters. Yes this car was as badass as it gets. "WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!" Twilight exlcaimed "I just dropped a deuce." replied Eddie as he jumped into his car. Twilight facehoofed, she was going to have a rough time explianing what that saying was here. "Are you coming? Or are you going to just sit there with your thumb up your... Oh shit I can't really say that here. Godamit. Well are you going to hop in?" "Umm ok?" Twilight replied sounding very much like fluttershy. Twi hopped in the car and they speed off towards ponyville. Just before they speed off, Eddie turned on his "Mouth of Metal" and cranked through the fire and flame's on full blast, head banging the whole way there. Twilight on the other erm... hoof? Was scared out of her mind, they were going at speed's that almost rivaled rainbow dash, along with the blaring music, and how Eddie was clearing trees out of his way by shooting at them with a wierd thing on the front of the car. This was indeed a frighting experince, how Eddie could even react this fast to swerve around and shoot the trees was a mystery to Twilight. All she knew was that he was not one to be bucked with. They reached the edge of ponyville, Eddie swerved to a stop and jumped out and he really did jump, he literly jump about 10ft in the air and landed kness barely buckluing. "Something wrong?" Eddie asked "How did you do that?" "Do what?" "Go from sitting down to up in the air like that." "Oh I just pressed the Y button" "What?" "I don't know just roll with it." Twilight decided to put that in the same catigoriy as pinkie's antics. Wait how was she going to intouduce him to ponyville, his apperance was quite intimadating. Anypony would easily freak out if they saw him, maybe she would intoruduce him to her friends first. The only ponies that would be a problem would be Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Her thoughts were inturupted by Eddie pointing to the sky and saying.. "Hey what's that?" He was pointing to a rainbow speeding towards them at extremly fast speed's. Eddie noticed this and said "This is going to hurt isn't it?"
I shall call you "cocaine pony"Author's notes: Well blame this chapter being so late on my computer, and also me having no ambition what so ever, and also the Blue Angles As Eddie fell uncousious he had the usual dream of him and Ophelia hand in hand running along the beach, the sun shining, the birds singing, while him and Ophelia slaughterd demons of course. The dream was going how it normally would go, execept for one thing that made no sense... Ophelia leaned in and said "Remember it's illegal to lick doorknobs in Nevada." "What?" All of a sudden he jerked away from his dream and into reality, he saw Twilight and a strange tiny horse with wings and rainbow colerd hair. "Are you ok?" Twi asked "Yeah, a little sore but I'm fine. Why do you ask?" "Well because when rainbow here, She pointed to the other horse, hit you your body became just coverd in blood." She said weakly "Coverd!?" She noded weakly "Damn she must have hit me pretty hard then." "You think!" Twilight said "And how did your body recover so quickly?" Eddie however did not want to reveal to them of him being half demon. "Anceint Chinese secret" Eddie said. "Why did your body become coatied with blood anyway?" The rainbow haired one asked "I don't know, it's just something that always happend." "Well first of all, I think Rainbow needs to apologize to you." Twilight gave a stern glance over at Rainbow Rainbow sighed and said " I'm sorry." "Don't metion it." Eddie replied "No I mean really don't metion it, I kill you if you do." The ponies had shocked faces. "Oh come on! It was a joke!" Eddie said in an exasperated vocie "A joke! I love jokes!" A pink pony said. Somehow the pink pony had jumped on Eddie's head with noone noticing. "What?' Eddie said obviously confused as to how she got up there with out him noticing "Well I just came down here to meet the new pony, but your not a pony are you?" Eddie just sniffed and said "Way to go crush my dreams of being a pony." Twilight seeing what pinkie was about to do, she quickly grabbed pinke with magic and dragged her out of earshot from Eddie. "Listen Pinkie" Twilight said "I know you want to throw him a party, but only invite us along with, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity. Ok?" Pinkie mearly nodded and they walked back to Eddie and rainbow, or Twilight walked, Pinke just hopped at impossible heights. "Alright" Twilight began "I think you to should intorduce yourselves." "I'm Rainbow Dash, fastest flyier in all of Equestria!" Yeah she's totally modest. thought Eddie "I'm Pinkie pie!" "Really Pinkie pie?" said Eddie "No I shall call you cocaine pony" The ponies didn't have any cocaine here so the joke was lost upon them. "Well" Eddie started "My name is Eddie Riggs." "Nice to meet you Eddie." Pinkie said "Well I gotta go set everything up now see you soon!" "Yeah and I have to clear the sky." Dash said "See ya around Eddie." They both left, Twilight sighed and was about to say something but before she could, she was cut off by a new voice. "GIT AWAY FROM HER YA MONSTER!" Eddie turned around to see an orange blur race foward and kick him in the stomach. As he fell to the ground about to fall uncounsious he thought "I'm begining to see a pattern here." Then everything went black.
Are you effing kidding me?Fun fact: I began writing this on the fifth Eddie fell uncousious again, this time he dreamed of fighting Lionwhite, the loser barley knew how to fight. He would mostly call down lighting to attack Eddie, of course all it took to defeat him was a simple pattern. Attack, doge, block, Attack, Rinse and repeat! Suddenly Lionwhite changed tactics, he flew into the air by using his own hair for wings. "Not sure how that works but ok." Said Eddie Lionwhite snapped his fingers and an army appered out of nowhere complete with Hairbangers, Groupie's, and Glamhogs (Who ever thought to give them those name's is totally straight!) "Oh yeah!" Yelled Eddie "I can do that to! I hope." Eddie snapped his fingers and his army appeard complete with Opealia, Lita, and Lars. Oh yeah two can play this game thought Eddie, he rasied his left hand, pointed it at the other army, changed his hand to the classic rock n roll hand sign and yelled.... "Every thing in that general direction must Die!" Both armies charged, Eddie took out his wings and flew into the air to engange in arial combat. For a while the only sounds that could be heard were the clash of swords upon swords, fist's upon skulls,(Or in the Headbangers case Skulls upon fist's) complete with the dying screams of fallen soldirs of course. Eddie's army slolwy began to win, at the same time that happend Eddie started to win his battel with Lionwhite. Sometime later, both armies have died leaving Eddie and Lionwhite. Eddie dashed foward and attacked with a brutal three hit combo with his axe, Lionwhite badly injured prepared to fly away in hopes of recovering, Eddie however forsaw this and played a note on clemintine, sending a lighting bolt down to stun Lionwhite. While Lionwhite was dazed Eddie dashed forward, lept into the air, and came down hard with a massive slice from his axe. Lionwhite fell down, bloody from Eddies' visous attacks, choking on his own blood, finally Lionwhite died. "Yeah!" Eddie exclamied "That's what you get for.... Well everything you did." Eddie however heard a familler voice. "I"m proud to say these free men call me there king!" "Lars." Eddie said. He turned around to see one of his best friends die in front of his eyes, by the spear of Doviclous. "Noooo!" Eddie yelled as ran at the demon. Doviclous laughed as he played guitar solo. Chains flew out of the ground adn wrapped themselves around Eddie, imoblieizing him. "Ha! Ha!" Laughed the demon as he threw his spear at Eddie's face, It just so happed that's exsactly when Eddie woke up. "Guaa!" Yelled Eddie as he shot up to a sitting position, this time instead of Twilight and anothor pony, It was Twlight, with Rainbow Dash and Pinkie, and three other pony's. One was looking rather sheepish, as if she (or he) had done something wrong, the pony was orange with blond hair. And a pretty pimpin cowboy hat, the other was trying despretly to hide behind her mane,( Eddie knew this one was female because no male would be hidding behind their hair) she was a light shade of yellow with a pinke mane. Last but not least was a white pony with purple hair, while this didn't strike Eddie as weird as the other three, she was looking at Eddie in sheer horror. "I'm not going to eat you if that's what your afraid of" Eddie said in a soft voice "Look at your attire!" The white pony exclaimed "Black does not go with black!" After saying this she fainted as if she coudn't stand being in the same room as Eddie. He then said, "Are you fucking kidding me?" Annoucement time! I'm sure you have all figured out my dirty little secreat by now, I can't spell worth shit I mean look! I just misspelt a word in this annoucement! So if one of you would like to be my editior then woo hoo for you, if not then we are all SOL and the next chapter should be coming out soon.
oh god whyI told ya this would be out soon! The night was pretty uneventfull for Eddie, sure the white one fantied (who he later found out to be Rarity) but that was about it. They did have a party, but no beer was there but Eddie enjoyed it none the less. But most of the party was just the ponies asking him questions such as.... "What are you?" "What are those things on your back?" "What did you do before coming here?" "What is a Rodie?" "Why is Geneirc working on this chapter so soon?" All the ponies looked at Pinkie with a "What the fuck man?" type of face. "I don't know." Eddie replied "I guess he just got a brust of ambition all of the sudden." "Yeah that is what I thought to." Pinkie replied "Ooookay." Twilight said "Well ah gotta apoligize fer knockin ya out Eddie." The orange pony said(who he found out was Applejack) "Think nothing of it, just like Slenderman. Just don't think about it." The ponies however had become used to his random references to his world. The party continued, they asked him questions about where he was from, he asked questions about the world here, and him and Pinkie gave the 4th wall a severe beating. But finally the party came to a close, and he still needed to find a place to stay. "Hey um guys." Eddie said "Do any of you know where I could find a place to crash?" "Oh darling" Rarity said a plan forming in her head "I have an extra room at my home." "Oh well thank you very much Rarity." They said their goodbyes and Eddie and Rarity headed to her house. Twilight sat alone and watched the retreating forms of Rarity and Eddie, she didn't exactly trust him fully, for when she asked him what he was he hesitated for a second then told her he was a human. He was hiding something, that much was obvious, but what scared her the most was the look in Rarity's eye when she invited him to stay with her. Something bad was about to go down she could already tell. The rest of the night was a haze for she was wondering what Eddie could be hiding, Soon she found herself in her bed about to fall alseep, of course she didn't fall asleep, she was to busy thinking about Eddie and what that look in Rarity's eye was. Soon it was daybreak and she rushed over to Rarity's to get some answers. What she saw was deifinitly not what she was expecting. She saw Eddie in a rather styish tux pure black with a red bowtie, he seemed to notice her and he said.... "Oh god why." Woundn't you hate me for ending it here? It had been an hour since one of the most tramitizing nights of Eddie's life. She made him try on SOOOO MANY SUITS! and not the cool kind like in the movies, like the kind that were really tight and stupid. Eddie slowly rocked himself in the dark corner he had hidden in, he had finally gotten his old clothes back from the evil white one,and he ran and hid in a random house, it looked like no one was home so he jumped at the chance to hide. The house wasn't to special but there was a musical instriment, Eddie wasn't sure what it was but he thought it was a lyre. Normally he wouldn't be hiding but both of his axe's are still at Rarity's and he did not want to go there any time soon. he still rememberd his epic escape from the white one's lair. Twilight came in and looked shocked at Eddie being in a tux. Eddie then said "Oh god why." Then Twilight went and had a talk with Rairity though he couldn't hear what they were saying, he then found his clothes and he quickly changed into them. Rairity and Twilight then came down the stairs, Rarity with a horrible look on her face. Eddie then yelled.... "FUCK THIS SHIT!" And dove through the window and ran to the empty house he now resides in. At least he thought it was empty. He started to feel as if someone or something was watching him. He slowly turned to the left fearing Rarity was back to force him into another suit, but what he saw was much, much worse. He saw a mint green unicorn(He learned about the three types of ponies back at the party) staring at him with a creepy smile. "Hi." Eddie said "I knew humans exsisted I just knew it!" The crazy unicorn shouted "Now come here, I wanna borrow one of your hands." The unicorn said "Oh god why" Eddie whimperd Hey I know this is not a thousand words, and I know I didn't let my Editor read through it( partly becouse I am new here and have no idea how things work) but remember the more you comment the more ambition I get to write! So punch all the dolphins you see, and eat all the muffins you make!
insert relevent chapter name hereFun fact: I wrote this at a friends house, and don't expect regular updates. I just write when I feel like it. On the street's of Ponyville "So Rarity what did you do to Eddie?" A very confused Twilight asked " I did nothing dear." Rarity replied "All I did was help his sense of fashion." "Really?" Said Rainbow Dash "His sense of style is pretty awsome, not as awsome as me of course." "Well we can talk later girls." Applejack said "Right now we should be worring about where Eddie ran off to." I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! I KNEW IT! A new voice shouted "Woah girls what was that?" Asked an even more confused Twilight "I don't know but it sounded like it came from the town square!" Rainbow Dash said. And without another word the ponies ran off to see what was the commotion. What they found was Eddie hanging by some rope from a tree (upside down of course) and Lyra at the base of the tree shouting about humans and their hands, and what she would do with those hands, which could quickly turn this into a clopfic. And not just any clopfic, a clopfic that could make doviculus himself puke in disgust. The kind that would make any seasond brony have horrible nightmares. And also have them see the horrible things that can be done with a tree stump, a pair of jumber cables and a balloon. Oh god just thinking about those things just makes me wanna puke..... *BOOM* *Looks away from computer to door* "Eddie Riggs!? Pinkie Pie!? Dafuq you guys doing here?" "We came to tell you to get on with the FUCKING STORY!" "Yeah! and if you don't I'll go "Cupcakes" on yo ass!" "Okay okay look here see? I'm writing okay?" *Back to The mane 6 and Lyra with Eddie* "Lyra!" Twilight shouted "You can't do that, Eddie's a sentinet being!" "No he's not!" Lyra shouted back "He's a human!" Eddie however was to busy huming "Cry of the Banshee" to notice that statement. Twilight and her freinds then agrued for Eddie to be set free, eventually the mane 6 talked Lyra into letting Eddie go. "Okay, okay" Lyra grumbeld after getting a lectrue from Twilight about creatrue rights. Lyra loosend the rope on Eddie with magic and set him free, or at least tried to until he fell in a group of thorns that could really mess up a pony's stomach if eaten. "Ugh" Eddie grumbled after falling down "Woah there Eddie" Applejack said "Ya might wanna git away from those thorns parnter they don't taste to good. "Thorns?" Eddie said as he looked down. Once he saw the thorns was an pause then Eddie asked "Hey twilight do you have my axe's?" "Yeah I got them at Rairtiy's, why?" "Because I recongnize these thorns" Said Eddie with a grin as he grabbed clementine He then proceded to let out anothor epic guitar solo to reveal.... Well you guy's will find out in the next chapter. Annoucement time! I know the ending is a bit more rushed that the normal, but! I wrote this at a friends house and you know how that goes. Except for the one forever alone guy who dosen't have any friends. And also if any of you would like to do your own Brutal legend crossover please do so, I would love to see a fic with Eddie Riggs that dosen't suck.
The guardian of metalA/N I bet you are all wondering where I got the idea for Eddie to be a fourth wall breaker, well I got the idea one day when I was playing Burtal Legend, I came across some "Hidden Metal" and the song was "Master Exploder" by "Tenacious D". And also this chapter was going to be a lot longer, but I forgot to save and my two hours of hard work were lost, and I cried a little bit. And also LONGEST CHAPTER YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eddie grabbed clementine and let out an awsome guitar solo which seemed to move the very planet itself, as if the ground was sending something up from it's depths to reveal. What Eddie took to naming " Hidden Metal" it was a sculpture of a skull on top of two speakers with what looked to be fire in the background(In short it was a totally badass statue). As it rose out of the ground Eddie noticed writing on the sculpture, In giant Golden text it read.. "SIX" "ALL THAT REMAINS" Directly in front of the "Hidden Metal" was what looked to be a modified version of Eddie's "Mouth of Metal". Seeing it Eddie walked forward, curious. "What is this some kind of upgrade?" Eddie stated outloud, while fiddling with the new contraption. "Oi! Hello? Can you hear me Eddie?" A familiar voice shouted coming from the new gadget. "Uh yeah, yeah I can hear ya." Eddie said hesitently "Ahhh perfect man, you have no idea how long it took me to figure out this old thing." "Who is this? And how do you know my name!?" Eddie said wondering what the hell was going on. "Who me? Nah I'm noone important, I'm just the Guardian of Metal." "Woah! Guardian of Metal, how've you been man?" "Really? That's the question your going to ask after you left this time and came to a diffrent time, really?" "Well yeah I.... Wait did you just say diffrent time?" "Yeah I did ya blockhead!" "But how?" "Listen mate, how I know this and how this whole time thing is a pretty big secreat, and it'll take about 5,000 fire tributes for me to spill the beans." "5,000! Do you realize how many rocket lauchers I could get with those fire trubutes! A lot!" "Alright alright, we are getting off topic here. After you left the land of Ormagooden...." His statment was intruptted by Eddie. "The land of Ormagooden? Really that's what that place was called?" "Well what do you fucking expect? All of the random scrap metal you saw here was his flesh! In fact his skin gives us light here! And for the Metal god's sake don't intrupt me ever! Allright now where was I? Oh yes, after you left Ophelia was really worried so she set out on a mission to find you." "Oh no" Eddie whisperd "AHEM! Well as I was saying after I was rudely intrupted agian, Ophelia eventually made her way down here and questioned me about your whereabouts. As I am the Guardian of Metal I had a vage idea of what time you were in. After I assured her that you were safe I told her to get the hell out and that you would be back soon, I grabbed this little contraption and fiddled with for a while and finally you picked it up! And thats all the free information I am giving up." "Well how did you even get this little walkie talkie anyway?" "Now that right there is a pricy bit of info" "How do you even know that I'm traveling through time?" "Now that I can answer free of charge. I know about the whole time deal because I just had a chat with the future version of me. Apperantly somewhere around your time I am known as Ozzy Osborne. "No wonder why you both look alike and sound the same." "Oh really? did you know me? The future me didn't give me to many details or else he might cause a paradox, or something like that." (Eddie acutally really did enjoy Ozzy's music, in fact sometimes he only plays Ozzy's music when he goes for a drive. You could call him a fanboy) "Oh ummm yeah I kind of knew you." "Huh, well this little device your holding in your hands is basicly a portible version of your Mouth of Metal." "Awsome! Metal on the Go!" "Ah yeah yeah, now we are cutting into my nap time so if I got any new info for ya I'll let you know. And if you want to contact me just press the little blue button. " "Okay see ya later Guardian of Metal." "I WANT YOU TO GO FUCKING CRAZY OUT THERE!" The machine made a buzzing noise, then stared playing Eddie's new song. Which Eddie quite enjoyed, but he quickly turned it off seeing as how he was in deep shit with the ponies. He turned around to see 5 very pissed off ponies, and Pinkie staring at him with a loopy grin. Eddie steeled himself, it was going to take a lot of explaing to do to get out of this mess. He took a deep breath, mentally prepared himself and said.... "look I will answer all of your questions, just not right here in the middle of the town square." Eddie was planning on using the time it would take to get to a sucluded location to come up with a good way to explain his situation. Twilight, however knowing this trick smiled and said.... "I have the perfect place." And with a grin she teleported all of her friends with Eddie to Rarity's house.(She didn't want spike to be in the middle of this) "Fuck" Eddie said seeing that they were now in one of the most ideal spots to explain his story. "I suggest you start spilling the beans partner." Applejack said "And do not lie, I will know." Yeah that's not creepy at all Eddie thought "Alright I guess It all sarted a long time ago in a galaxy far away, with a boy named Luke Skywalker..." His statement was cut off by Applejack "I said don't lie." "What makes you think I wasn't telling the truth." "You blinked a lot, and you made to many gestures." "Shit." Eddie said "Oh come on!" Rainbow dash shouted "Hurry up already and tell the truth!" "Okay!" Eddie shouted back "I got some blood on this(Eddie pointed to his belt buckle) and I woke up in the most kickass land there ever was met a hot chick, but then a demon corrupted the hot chick, then we fought. Then I won, then I got some more blood on this!(Eddie once agian pointed towards his belt buckle)" "Hold up" Twilight said "Say that agian, this time with detail." As soon as her statment was made the door to Rarity's house opened up, in steped three small ponies. One yellow Earth pony, one white unicorn, and what looked to be a orange chicken. Upon entering and seeing Eddie they gasped and shouted.... "CUTIE MARK CURSADER MONKEY TAMERS YAY!" "I really want to kill something right now" Eddie said under his breath.
The power of rockSorry, I was off playing Dead Space 2, Skyrim, and Dues Ex: Human revolution, GTA 4, Dead rising, and Brutal Legend( I love that game). And also light gore In this chapter, I don't think that it is to bad, but shit will get real none the less. And I understand if you want to kick me in the groin for this chapter being so late, I have been focusing all of my time on school, and gaming, but on the bright side I have a 4.0 grade average! But none of you care, so here is the chapter. Eddie's eye began to twicth, already fifteen minutes with the children and he was about to lose it. Twilight and her friends told the three kids about Eddie, then as an interrogation tactic. Twilight let the "Kids from Hell" go "play " with Eddie. Fifteen minutes later, he was about to rip off their skin and dunk them in lemon juice. They did everything they could possibly do to him, hide in his hair, use him as a trampoline, and attempted to learn karate on Eddie's head. Eventually the white one somehow managed to steal Eddie's Guitar and was playing around with it, thinking its a sword or something. Seeing this Eddie quickly ran up and took back Clementine, and was about to give them a stern talking to (AKA Beat the living shit out of them. What! Eddie is having a long day) when suddenly, a scream from outside shattered the atmosphere in the building. The ponies and Eddie all ran outside to see what was the commotion, what they found was a Diamond dog raid. They were taking little colts and fillies to who knows where. "Oh no!" Twilight shouted "Quick! We have got to help!" Eddie ,however, saw this as a chance to release pent up frustration and quickly dashed towards the dogs. As he was rushing towards them he noticed a big and burly dog, more than likely the alpha of the pack. The dogs noticing Eddie quickly readied their weapons clumsily. "These idiots don't even know what their doing." Eddie thought. He ran towards the group and played a note on his guitar setting some of the dogs on fire. He then quickly used one of the remaining dogs as a springboard, lauching Eddie into the air at an impressive height. While he was in the air he started playing his solo "face melter". He landed around the same time the solo finished, so that it looked the second he hit the ground a red wave of pure rock came out of the ground itself and flew towards the dogs. The instant the wave hit the remaining dogs they started screaming and grabbed their facee in a desprate attempt to stop the pain and agony. Soon the dogs began to fall and the sickening sound of their faces bubbeling off stppped, and the alpha was the last standing. Eddie pulled out his axe and began to charge, the alpha doing the same. Eddie's metal infused axe met the dog's diamond sword(I can swing my sword, sword!) and they held in that position trying to overpower the other, Eddie not wanting to play fair, kicked the dog in the stomach and gave a three slash combo that was worthy of the metal god's them selves. Eddie wasn't done yet, he then channeled pure rock into his right foot and kicked the dog in the face, an attack that would have made a regular Diamond dog explode upon impact. The alpha flew back and crashed into a tree. "It's super effective!" Eddie shouted.(I shit you not, Eddie actually says that in the game) The alpha slowly went to his knees unable to fight anymore, seeing this Eddie slowly walked towards the dog his mind in a flurry. 'I should let it live, I don't think the ponies can handle much more bloodshed' Eddie thought observing the green face's of the pony bystanders. He reached the dog, he looked down on it while it was avoiding his gaze, more than likely thinking that Eddie was some demon from hell itself, which he kinda was, Eddie looked at it again and said.. "Get up, I'll let the ponies decide what to do with you" Eddie then turned around and then started to walk away, he had taken three steps when from out of nowhere, claws came and gouged out Eddie's eyeballs, and then proceeded to hack and claw at his face until it was unrecognizable. Eddie would fight back normally, but with out his eyesight he was defenseless, the claws kept hacking and stabbing, and then Eddie blacked out. Eddie slowly came to, he was at the sea of black tears, only this time there was what looked to be a portal in the middle of the lake, through the portal was what looked like a cave with lots of stalagmites jutting around. Eddie tried to get up but he found him self strapped down to a wooden table. "Hello Eddie." Said a familiar voice with pure malice dripping off of every word. Eddie's head jerked around to find... Drowned Ophelia. "Ophelia!" Eddie shouted " How are you still alive!?" "Are you stupid? Did you really think I would be up in that tower waiting for you? That Ophelia was an impostor, I knew Doviculus would betray me, just like you did. But know is not the time for chit-chat, its time for revenge." Ophelia then raised a long and jagged dagger and stabbed it just above Eddie's kneecap. Eddie screamed as she slowly drug the dagger down inch by agonizing inch, until she reach Eddie's kneecap, she then used the dagger as some sort of crowbar and slowly peeled off his kneecap, she then did the same to the other leg Eddie screaming all the way. Ophelia then reached up to Eddie's face and proceeded to hack and saw off Eddie's nose, she then started to pry off Eddie's fingernails, and then started to slowly cut off Eddie's fingers. Eddie wasn't sure how long he suffered this torment, Ophelia was cutting so slow, it could have been and hour, or a month. After Ophelia was done ripping off his elbows, she stopped and frowned, she looked up and said.. "Well Eddie, It looks like our lovely time together is up, but don't worry we'll be seeing each other real soon." She said while pointing to a group of Gravediggers going through the portal. Eddie came to in total blackness, he couldn't see and he could barley make out muffled voices, he slowly reached up to his face to find that it was wrapped up in bandages, the voices stopped and someone started to slowly unravel his face. Eddie steeled him self expecting another visit from Drowned Ophelia, but instead he found... six multicolored concerned ponies. What Loading... Loading... Loading... Loading complete "Oh its you guy's!" Eddie shouted with relief. "Wow we are surprised that thou hath livid" said a new voice. Eddie turned around to see a giant pony with a horn and wings, with hair that looks like the night sky and somehow moves on its own. What
The power of rock part 2Ya know I would have had this chapter up sooner but my internet went out for a while so for once you can not blame me, I know I just broke your heart but such is life. Eddie stared blankly at the ungodly creation before him, with his jaw nearly hitting the floor. The giant blue pony seemed to size up Eddie, she finally took in a breath of air and said... "Art thou ok?" "mmnhkhnkh" Eddie mumbled out, still confused as to why this pony was so tall, and why it was speaking like it was in medival times. "We are Luna." The pony said in a cautious tone "We raise the moon and art alicorns." Upon hearing this Eddie threw his hands in the air and shouted... "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD!?" One explantion later "So let me get this straight." Eddie said " You and your sister are immortal godesess who raise the sun and moon." "Yes thou have it as you say 'straight' now." Replied Luna. Eddie gave a blank stare and said.. "I am just going to have to deal that." "So now that we are aquainted." Twilight began "How about we talk about what your world was like?" "Uhhh." Eddie said just before his stomach gave such a menacing growl that even the immortal goddess of the moon backed away in horror. "When was the last time you ate something?" Applejack questioned feircely "About half a month ago." Eddie repiled nochalantly "WHAT!?" All the ponies shouted in usion "Come on." Eddie explained "I live on the road in my world; I really don't have much time to eat." "Well you can explain how's living on the road in your world over breakfast." Twilight said "Go suck off a catus Twilight." Eddie mumbled darkly under his breath "What was that?" Twilight asked "Uhh nothing, nothing. So any of you ponies want to lead the way to the dinning room?" "Follow our personal guard Nightshade." Luna said "He is directly out side of this room, just tell him to lead the way and that its an order from us." "Cool." Eddie responded, he got up out of the bed and motioned for the other ponies to follow. He opened the door to see something that made him stop dead in his tracks. Luna seeing Eddie frozen at the sight of her guard, quickly said.. "Do not fret, our guard will not harm thou." Her statement fell on deaf ears as Eddie rushed forward and gripped the demonic pony in a bear hug of epic porportions. He turned around with tears openly falling down his face and yelled.. "I Knew there was hope for this world!" The walk through the castle was uneventfull, although one could very easily get lost in here, though if Eddie did get lost he could just summon 'The Druid Plow' and smash through all of the walls. "Here we are." Said Nightshade, interuptting Eddie from his thoughts; he gave Eddie a nervous look, turned tail and walked away, or rather 'trotted' away. Eddie looked to the giant set of double doors and walked through them without a second thought, with the six ponies trailng behind him. The room was amazingly huge with a table, to put in Eddie's terms "Pretty fucking huge". Eddie walked up to it and sat down, when the other ponies had found thier respective seats, almost as if on cue, the doors opend with about five ponies with silver platters on their backs walked in followed by Luna, and what Eddie could only assume as her sister 'Celestia'. The servent ponies put the platters on the table and walked away, while they were doing that the two goddess ponies sat down on opposite ends of Eddie. "Alright Eddie." Twilight began "Now tell us about your world." Eddie's mind was a whilrwind as he thought of ways to get out of explaining his world, finally he came up with the perfect plan. His left hand reached down to his waist and he flicked on his 'Mouth of Metal'. Superbeast by Rob Zombie came up and Eddie yelled over the music... "What!? I can't hear you I'm to busy listining to Rob Zombie!" Twilight looked frustrated but Luna looked interested. She used her magic to turn off his 'Mouth of Metal' and asked... "What was that music, it was the best thing we have ever heard?" "Its called Heavy Metal, and it is the most kickass thing to ever have been created!" Eddie said before Twilight could intervene "You wanna hear another song?" "Yes we would love to hear another song." Luna replied eagerly "Alright how about this song, and when ever I listen to this I always feel like I know the singer." Eddie said as he turned on the 'Mouth of Metal' to play... The Metal by Tenacious D. The fourth wall gave a small sigh and prepared for the firce beating it was about to recive.
