Chapter I - The Quest for Suppleness
“Do you ever wonder… what’s out there?” Bread heard his friend; Crispy Roll say absent-mindedly.
The young thing had only been baked this morning, he wasn’t a veteran of the store shelf like Bread was. No, he had much to learn, and the truth was… more disappointing than anything. There wasn’t much to life but sitting here, day by day as the sun crossed over the sky and the clouds dissipated into nothingness. You were always begging for the next customer to come and pick you or at least glance your way. Maybe you’d be picked… maybe not.
The only issue Bread had with this was that he was one of the last loafs of his litter to remain, and he knew that his time was running out. There was only so long his golden brown would catch the attention of the ladies, only so long that his soft, moist innards would stay doughy and incredibly tasty on the tongue. If he didn’t get picked soon, why… he might not make it into somebody’s bread bin!
“I don’t try to think to much about it Crispy. If you dwell on things too much, well… you tend to start getting in your own head… It’s not a place I like going to, I see things… horrible plastic things that can be stacked if you take the day.”
“Easy for you to say Bread, you’ve got muscle for days! You’re 32 slices of ultra-wide, well seeded glory. Look at me! Not even a sesame seed! I’m just flour and yeast mano! I got nothing, you can’t even spend time with me, when you pick me what you see is what you get. Not like you, I mean a family of four would take days… maybe a week with you! I so envy you!”
Crispy might have been jealous of Bread, but the truth was… Bread knew in his heart that although he wouldn’t mind feeding a family of 4, he wouldn’t exactly be thrilled either. Ever since seeing that pretty blonde come in and buy that cocky gingerbread boi behind the counter, he wished to be eaten by… someone different. Someone sexy, and with a great mouth and a long neck for dayz.
Sure, Bread knew that having a type was setting himself up for disappointment. He’d talked about it with the soy breads when they were left out last night and he supposed that if he were to be picked by someone else, he wouldn’t be too upset. Still, hope was a nice thing for any bread to have… even a few crackers believed in it, and those boys were very salty.
“Don’t let size get you down Crispy, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that eventually someone will pick you, and then you will be a real baked delight. You guys got it easy, you were selling like hotcakes a few days ago. I mean the baker was on a roll himself serving you up… poor Gary, just kept stepping on him… Anyway, people couldn’t get enough of your type! Must have been on like a Nutella craze or something, I hear that really gets people worked up to buy bread,” dearest Bread said, whilst dreaming of a shed.
Crispy was about to retort, when suddenly he felt something reach down and push him into a bag with a few croissants, the Frenchies complaining as he squashed them with his rotund mass. Crispy called out in glee, “I’ve been PICKED! Bread look! I’m on a roll myself today, ha-ha! I’ll be hooking up with some cute blueberry jam in no time. Goodbye my friend!” he called one last time, before leaving the store forever… lucky bastard.
Bread sighed and looked through the window at all the people walking by and not realizing what a delight they were missing… before fate decided to intervene.
With a crackle of magical energy and a flicker of fire that frightened Bread slightly, he felt as his form was lifted through a magical rainbow portal as if by magic. His body was transmogrified across time and space for a few seconds before he fell slap dead onto what looked like a bed named Fred.
He was woozy for a few moments, believing he also saw a naked old wizard on his journey and a purple pony… or was it a hooman? He wasn’t sure, all he knew as he shook his head was that he was no longer in the bakery.
The purple covers and sheets were coating a rotund and large bed, much of which reminded him of his dearest friend Crispy the Roll, picked only minutes before. Bread looked around the room, seeing that he was indeed alone and in some sort of grand chamber. Whoever slept here was likely Royalty, or something close to it. For a moment he wondered if his presence here was accidental, or perhaps he’d been chosen by a deity to sustain them.
That got bread going. His crusts were seriously ruffled as he began imagining what could be taking a piece out of him soon. Would they be like the Goddess Hera? Perhaps a God or bread or something who liked his pluck?
Whatever Bread had been imagining, all expectations were blown out of the water as he saw what looked like a large cartoon horse walk through the door. A large cartoon horse that began to speak English rather well for a being that likely didn’t have the ability to hold a bread knife or drive a car to buy a bread knife when in strife.
“Princess Celestia! Are you in here, you need to get ready for your meeting with the Griffon Council over allegations of spying on their eggs and ham!” The female called loudly, her voice rather stern, yet warm… it made bread think of a cute bread stick he’d met once, before she’d fallen to her death from the 2nd shelf last Thursday.
Saying that, the horse was a very cute looking one for a horse. Her coat a bright white, her mane a dark black and her hipster glasses making her look like she was ready for a spreading! How many times Bread had fantasized having everything from butter to mayo spread on one of his slices, yet a hooved animal with a notable red ascot and tail wrap was unlikely to take interest in him, so he was on his guard.
Then again, he didn’t know many horses and more than that horses who spoke English. Bearing in mind he’d just been transported through fire and brimstone, he supposed he should widen his horizons a smidget of a widget.
The horse came over here and looked around, putting a clipboard Bread hadn’t noticed her holding next to him. Bread glanced over, reading the to-do list and finding out her name was Raven Inkwell, and that the date was 6969… He was clearly not in Kansas anymore and he pondered if horses could talk and read and possibly write on clipboards… did that mean, they liked bread.
He felt excitement as he was picked up by the gorgeous looking… mare? That’s what a female horse was right? Well anyway she picked him up and inspected him, looking suspicious as she looked from side to side around the room, her face dropping into a frown as she coughed and demanded “Princess, are you um… in here?”
So, there was a Princess in this mixing bowl as well? That got bread really crumbing at the seams, hoping that she would come over and take a slice. No offence to Inkwell, she was probably a deer, or… well probably not cause she was a horse or more likely a pony, but anyway, he obsessed over this Princess like it was his bae... hoping she didn’t just eat hay.
She stopped inspecting his lovely loafsome self and licked her lips, seeming to ponder something before nodding and starting to nuzzle his glorious self. Her neck was brushing over his crust, her thick fur savouring it… molesting it even. She was fondling his buns, basking in his seeded glory and clearly not just a pretty face. She’d done this before, that little slut.
Bread was in heaven; the situation going from exciting to orgasmic in seconds! Was this the pleasure Crispy was having currently? This was beyond incredible! Every nuzzle was like a brand-new explosive and euphoric game she was playing with him!
‘I c-can’t take this, gods its like everything I’ve ever imagined only b-better!’ he thought between his mind-numbing pleasure. How many other loafs could say they were being touched by a sentient pony? He was beyond a lucky bread.
After a few minutes of foreplay, Bread realized that she was about to take this thing to the next level… and it made him, crazy horny. She disappeared for a moment, pulling something from a desk in the corner and lifting it up with… telekinesis? Magic perhaps? He didn’t know and he wasn’t inclined to care as she levitated a letter opener of pure gold in front of his face.
It made Bread question if she’d ever witnessed a loaf in action, he’d tear under that pointed edge, before he noticed the back edge… it was serrated! Goodness he would cream if he were an éclair, but he held his composure, he couldn’t blow this now. This was his everything, she was about to cut a slice off of him and he was about to feel a whole new level of pleasure that every type of baked good dreamed of.
He felt the edge touch his crust, his protective layer that showed that although he was a tough looking guy on the inside, his inside was really as soft as a custard cake.
The first slice made him moan loudly, the second making him cry out in pleasure, babbling and begging for her to get it over with, before she started sawing off his heel. Bread was unable to think for the next few minutes, until finally he felt it come away, the gorgeous mare taking a bite of his body, her mouth moist and warm, her tongue feeling like a snake worming it’s way around each piece she bit and chomped on.
Bread had never been ashamed to be a virgin, but if he were still in the store he’d be bragging about his first time for the rest of his life, his eyes drooping as before she could even finish that meaty, hard heel of his, he passed out cold, the pleasure too overwhelming for him as she swallowed like a good mare.
“Hmm… nice, I should probably clean this u-” Raven began to mutter before the door smashed open, the Princess Celestia herself standing before her, the radiance and the wisdom she omitted captivating as instantly Raven was transfixed, cradling bread in awe.
“What are you doing to my coltfriend Ravey?” she demanded, Raven looking from Bread to Celestia and gasping in realization.
“Now it makes sense…” she shook her head in disbelief, the plot only starting to thicken as the Princess strode towards her, her horn charge, and a hungry look on her face.
Author's Note
So now you know the start of Bread's Epic Adventure! Will he hook up with the Princess Celestia?
Will Crispy or Crusty or whatever get it on with the croissants on the way to his jammy beloved?
Tune in next year, for another episode! Hopefully better than the Last Jedi...
