Author's Note

Before you read this, this isn’t the real chapter. My editor’s girlfriend decide for whatever reason to make fun of me in this drift. At first I was mad but they apologized. This is mainly for laughs and the real chapter will be ready later.

Friends In The Mall (BREAKING THE RULES)

After a great day at the beach, the Shadowbolts brought their Crystal Prep bus, which had not yet appeared or had any mention whatsoever. When everyone changed back into their normal clothes, whether on the bus was rather ambiguous, they all left the beach.

It was close to sunset, and Twilight was ready for a new activity before the day ended. In spite of deciding that their activities stay limited to the beach, they all went to the nearest mall to watch the new Daring Do movie. Just like Juniper suggested.

“Twilight Sparkle, this is it. Welcome to the Canterlot mall,” Juniper said, presenting the pristine mall to her royal company.

Everyone else left for some unspecified activity.

“This place. It looks nice. Do my friends come here often?” Twilight asked.

“Yes,” Gloriosa answered. “During the holiday season, we buy things to wear clothes. And believe me, the quality of the clothes here are just like what Rarity makes.”

“Um…are you trying to tell me that the clothes here are good? Sorry, it’s just what you said was a little nonsensical,” Twilight said. She briefly looked down at the clothes she was wearing, before resuming her conversation, “Do you think I need a new change of clothes?”

“It’s probably because you maybe need a new set clothes to wear,” Wallflower suggested.

“That’s what I’m asking. And why are you here, Wallflower? I thought all the others left, and it was just me and Juniper,” Twilight said.

“Think about it Twilight,” Juniper began to explain, “If you ever have the chance to come here, you could always be with us. You should wear something to at least catch on with your friends.”

“But, I am with you. And I thought we were catching on. Whatever ‘catching on’ means, that is. And how come you guys are suddenly talking in non-sequiturs?” Twilight replied.

“Because new clothes are needed now,” Wallflower said.

“Do you have any idea what a non-sequitur is? Can you two even hear me right now?” Twilight wondered, as she waved her hand in front of Wallflower’s face.

Wallflower didn’t respond. But, Twilight did concede that she might want to try on new clothes, regardless of how strangely her friends were behaving.

“Well, whatever. Let’s just see what they have for me here,” Twilight said.

“Then, come on!” Gloriosa said, as she took Twilight’s hand. “Let’s give you the best dress ever!:

“What the--!! What’s going on!? Where’d you come from all of a sudden!? It was never specified whether or not you stayed with me and Juniper, or went away with the others! Am I the only one who realizes what’s going on!?” Twilight said, as she was dragged away.

“And I got your logo,” Wallflower said, showing a photo of Twilight’s cutie mark. How she got the photograph, or whether or not this mall had a department that made shirts with custom logos was left up to the imagination.

For about fifteen minutes, longer than most go shopping for a new outfit, Juniper and the others went shopping for the Princess of Friendship. When they finally found the right clothes, Twilight went to the changing room.

“With the clothes, I hope,” Twilight said, noting the non-descriptive narration.

“You’re going to be amazing, once you’ve come out of the room,” Gloriosa cheered, as she and the others sat on a nearby bench. What a bench was doing in a clothing department’s waiting area, as opposed to a stool or a chair, none could say for sure.

“Okay. You don’t have to sound so excited about it. And, you do mean when I change my clothes, right?” Twilight asked.

“When you’re almost done,” Gloriosa said.

“What did that mean? Did you all forget how to have a conversation during the trip here? You’re all sounding like you never spoke to a person before,” Twilight said, as she opened the curtain.

There Twilight stood, revealing her new clothes. Her shirt was a purple, long-sleeve shirt with sparkling pink stripes on the sleeves. Somehow, the front of the shirt was adorned with a logo that depicted an exact recreation of her castle, superimposed in front of her cutie mark. On the back, there was a picture of a green, fire-breathing dragon that was somehow supposed to represent Spike, and a white alicorn which more accurately represented Princess Celestia.

On her legs, Twilight now wore light purple pants, and boots made of glittering pink leather.

“I feel like this outfit is seriously over-designed. Especially considering my character as a bookish nerd,” Twilight said.

Juniper, who was still inexplicably joined by Wallflower and Gloriosa were in awe of Twilight’s new look.

“Twilight, you look better than I thought,” Juniper said.

“I look like a glittering mess,” Twilight said. “Wait a second. Did you think I’d look worse than this? Did you pick something that looks this ridiculous on purpose!?”

“That outfit really fits you better than your old one,” Wallflower commented.

“It fits me the same. It’s the same size! And are you going to answer my questions!?” Twilight said.

It didn’t seem likely, as Gloriosa took out her phone and snapped a picture of Twilight’s new outfit.

“Wait until your other friends find out about this,” Gloriosa giggled.

“Sure, make a big joke out of it,” Twilight sighed.

All of a sudden, it seemed like the events in Twilight’s life, and the words her friends spoke were in control of some very inept conversationalist. Irritating as it was trying to talk to them, let alone figure out what they were saying, or even trying to make sense of a day that seemed like a story without a discernible plot, Twilight smiled and went along with what was happening.

The clothes were paid for, but Twilight quickly changed into her old outfit before the others could notice. Thankfully, nobody seemed to notice what had just happened.

“So, what else do you guys like to do here? Besides buy clothes, that is,” Twilight said, hoping the others would answer in a way that logically succeeded her spoken statement.

“There are so many things here,” Juniper replied.

It seemed a straight answer was too much for Twilight to hope for.

“Like I said earlier, that Daring Do movie is still out for about a couple of days, and I think you should watch it. Your friends have cameos.”

The mouthful of a sentence aside, Twilight was stunned and delighted by the last non-sequitur.

“Really. Wow. I’m so happy for them,” Twilight said.

“Yeah. Believe me, if you thought reading Daring Do books were great, then you haven’t watched the big screen adaptation,” Juniper said, showing a picture of the movie’s poster on her phone. Why she did that, Twilight couldn’t begin to guess.

“Of course I haven’t watched the big screen adaptation. I live in Equestria. The books are really all I have to go off of. But, if this movie’s as good as you say it is, I’ll gladly watch it,” Twilight said.

“Great!” Juniper said, hugging Twilight at such an uncomfortable and inappropriate moment. “So, how about we continue our trip in the mall?”

“Yeah, great. But, can you let go of me first?” Twilight said.

Despite the narration never describing if Juniper let go of Twilight, Twilight was able to stand up from the seat she was not specified as sitting in, and made their way to a previously unmentioned fountain in an unspecified part of the mall. There, the Shadowbolts were posing for everyone who had a camera to take a picture of them. Because of the money they got from the music video they made with the Rainbooms, they knew this would make them more famous. That’s right. There was nothing fallible or convoluted about that logic at all.

“Why are they all posing like models for those people?” Twilight wondered. She didn’t expect a logical answer to follow her question. At this point, it felt like she was just talking for the sake of talking.

“They and the Rainbooms won the Internet Dance competition. They’re doing this to get more money for the cruise they’re riding this spring break,” Wallflower explained. “And the Rainbooms are coming too.”

“That answer leaves so many more questions to ask, but I won’t bother,” Twilight said. “Still, good for them. Let’s go say hi.”

Twilight and the others walked over to their friends who were now dancing in front of the fountain, as opposed to posing for photographs as the previous narration described.

“Well hello, Twilight,” Lemon said, as she almost lost her balance.

“In case you don’t know, we’re just making more money for ourselves,” Sunny said.

“I never would have guessed,” Twilight said aloud, knowing the others would never answer in a way that conveyed an emotional or logical response from her words. “So, this cruise you’re going on. Do you need some back up?”

“What did that mean just now?” Twilight thought to herself. “Oh no! Am I starting to become an illiterate bonehead like the rest of them!!!?”

The Shadowbolts laughed at Twilight’s comment, making the young princess feel more conscious about herself than ever before

“There’s no way our boat is going to sink in the ocean,” Sour Sweet boasted.

“That wasn’t what I asked. But, as long as you feel confident, I guess it’s okay for you to go on this cruise,” Twilight said.

“Whew,” Twilight thought, “Must have just been some kind of mental slip, or a lapse in conversation. Still, I’m going to have to be careful, so I don’t end up like them.”

“The cruise is going to be great. We have lots of activities we can do,” Lemon said.

“Okay. Great. Have fun with that,” Twilight said.

Through no described locomotion, or process of movement, Twilight and her friends went to the end of a long, unspecified hall for a reason that was not mentioned by anyone or anything else.

“That’s getting a little annoying. How am I supposed to know what’s going on, and why? Or why I’m even in these places, doing these things the narration won’t talk about?” Twilight wondered.

Sorry, Twilight, but at the end of the hall were three familiar faces.

“Ugh. Does this ever end?” Twilight groaned.

Not anytime soon, kiddo.

Twilight was shocked to see they were The Dazzlings. The siren trio she and her friends had previously defeated, and were now inexplicably appearing in this story when they had no business doing so.

With them all was an older woman, who Twilight didn’t recognize from any of her previous trips to the human world. But, she was certain that this other woman was another character who had no business appearing in this story.

“Twilight? Are you okay? Wallflower asked.

“No. I’m not okay,” Twilight sighed. After simply accepting that she would be a character in this story for at least the rest of this apparent chapter, she decided to go along with what the narrative had planned out. “You see those three girls down there? I’m supposed to go talk to them right now, so we’re going to have to go there. Don’t worry. It’s not like there was any specified destination in any recent or long term narration.”

Adagio, after signing her contract saw the familiar face walking down the hall toward her.

“Is that who I think it is?” Adagio said.

The older woman took the signed contract, and turned to see Twilight. Apparently, Sonata and Aria also noticed Twilight.

“Oh, Twilight,” the older woman said, getting up from a chair that she was apparently sitting in. Just like Juniper before, the woman hugged Twilight at a completely inappropriate time in a social or emotional context.

“I don’t mean to swear, but: what the buck is going on!?” Twilight asked.

Twilight could only assume that the hug was ended, even though the narration didn’t say so.

“Oh, don’t be so goofy, Twilight. You’re one of Rarity’s friends who saved my parade at Equestria Land. And you’re also one of my newest best friends!” the woman said.

“Fillies and gentlecolts: we’ve just entered The Twilight Zone,” Twilight thought to herself, as she gently massaged her fingertips against her throbbing forehead.

“You told us that!” Aria groaned. For whatever reason, she seemed upset.

“Um, can you let go of Twilight for a second?” Gloriosa asked. Apparently, the older woman had not yet let go of Twilight. Only now was it made clear that she did indeed take her arms from around the young princess, and placed them at her sides.

“Twilight, that’s Vignette Valencia. Rarity’s boss,” Wallflower said.

“When you’re still away, Rarity took her friends to Equestria Land to do a parade. And she used her phone to trap your friends,” Wallflower explained.

“She also felt guilty for what she did, and upset for not getting a friend due to her work getting in the way,” Gloriosa added.

“Alright. Great. Terrific. That explains everything,” Twilight sarcastically said. “It doesn’t explain a thing! You aren’t conveying information in any way that humans normally process it! And who writes all of your dialogue? It’s terrible. I’d be ashamed if I knew I was the one writing all of this. If this is how people talk to each other, I don’t know how bands like The Rainbooms ever became popular. They wouldn’t understand a word they said.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Wallflower replied, “Sunset told me that bands or infamous friends always gets popularity by time. I’m sure everyone would respect you enough to leave you alone.”

“Did you hit your head before you started talking?” Twilight asked. “You clearly don’t know the meaning of the word ‘infamous,’ and what does respect have to do with any of this?”

Then Megan Williams, one of the teenagers who was at Equestria Land stopped by. Whoever she was, she certainly did not have a name like any of the other characters in this setting. Then again, with the way characters seemed to drop out of the sky in this story, it wouldn’t have been surprising to see Dirty Harry, Count Dracula or the cast of Monty Python show up to have a line or two.

“TWILIGHT SPARKLE!!!” Megan cheered, scaring the daylights out of Twilight, who wished this nonsense would end.

“Oh no!! Not another hug!!” Twilight said.

Too late.

Twilight was fiercely hugged by the oddly-named teen. Wishing she had her magic, so that she could incinerate the next person who tried to put their arms around her, Twilight struggled against Megan’s hold.

“Oh, I’ve always wanted to meet you in person! You’re my favorite out of The Rainboom’s band!”

“I guess that’s a little gratifying!” Twilight grunted, as she pulled her arms free, while the others all stood around staring like goons.

“On second thought: musical bands isn’t really my best subject,” Wallflower said.

“What...does that...even...MEAN!!?” Twilight said, as she burst free from Megan’s hug, and pushed the zealous girl into a wall. To ensure she would not be hugged again, Twilight used one hand to press Megan’s face into the wall, and used the other to twist Megan’s arm behind her back.

“See what I mean?” Aria added.

“No, I don’t. Since the only thing you said before was ‘you told us that!’” Twilight said.

“We know. Can you please stop saying that?” Sonata requested.

Twilight was not even going to bother asking if Sonata was addressing Aria or herself. Instead, she placed her attention on Megan.

“Okay. I’m going to let go of you now. Can you promise not to touch me anymore? Like, ever?” Twilight said.

Megan nodded, and Twilight let go. Even though she was roughly handling another person, it seemed like the others hadn’t noticed. Not that Twilight minded that they didn’t. At this point, this was starting to become the new normal for her.

“Sorry. My name is Megan Williams. It’s a pleasure meeting you,” Megan said, lifting her hand for a handshake.

Twilight responded by quickly stepping away from Megan’s extended hand, and shooting back a look that said, ‘What did we just talk about?’

“Do you have time to hang out with me?” Megan politely asked.

“Hang out!?” Twilight said, alarmed. Then, she collected herself. “I mean: no. My friends and I are going to watch the new Daring Do movie...in about half an hour. Which I completely realize is plenty of time to hang out. But, I’m betting you’re going to buy my horse apples about being too busy anyway.”

“Oh. Well, that’s a shame,” Megan said.

“That we can’t hang out, or that you sound like someone who should have read a few more textbooks?” Twilight asked.

“Hey, I’m going to find my mother, because I want to use her phone. Maybe minutes before you go to the theater, can we take pictures?” Megan asked.

“I don’t understand why you don’t have your own phone. Then again, no I'm not, since you don't seem to know how to talk. But, sure. Whatever makes you happy,” Twilight said.

Megan left rather abruptly, leaving Twilight to continue talking to Vignette.

“So, who are you supposed to be, and how do we know each other?” Twilight asked.

“Well, I’ve been looking for new talent who can be part of my future parades, and then the Dazzlings came to me. Like, they’re willing to make my business in Equestria Land a big hit,” Vignette said.

“So, you’re a talent scout, or something?” Twilight asked, not bothering to ask how she met The Dazzlings. Instead, she decided to ask a different question to the band. “So, what have you all been up to?”

“Don’t even talk to us,” she, the unspecified member of The Dazzlings, said. “After what you and your friends did to us.”

“Sorry, but you all brought that on yourselves, and you know it. But, it’s not all bad. You bounced back, and you’re signing a contract with Rarity’s apparent boss, who I still don’t know what she actually does,” Twilight said.

“Because, we’re poor, and nothing to do to survive!” Sonata said, getting in Twilight’s face. “Ever since we lost everything, we had to get jobs to get money. We’re lucky we manage to live this long. Vignette is the only person who can pay us enough money to make our lives better, and this job that we love.”

“I’d feel sorry for you, if anything that you said made sense. Of course you need jobs to make money. Everyone does. And there are tons of jobs that you could have done on the side, while you were making your music. There isn’t just the one that Vignette’s offering. Have you all gone senile since I last saw you?” Twilight responded. “What’s the job anyway?”

“A parade band,” Adagio answered.

“A parade band. Whatever that is,” Twilight said.

“Vignette is told us due to the success she got from the last parade, she wants us to make bands for her future parades,” Adagio continued.

“So, a parade band makes other bands for upcoming parades?” Twilight asked.

The Dazzling still went on.

“She also wants us to be whatever we want as a band, however we’ve been practicing our vocals,” Adagio said, hanging her head in shame of her poor singing talent.

“Only about as poor as whoever wrote this dialogue,” Twilight said. “Nevermind. Collectively, this dialogue, plot, story, characters, and general concept are way worse than your singing.”

“So, what are your ideas?” said Gloriosa, who it seemed the author had forgotten was there until just now when she spoke.

“We’re thinking of being nice to people, and not being serious. You’re been nice, which made your band popular by the months. Our power is gone, and we have to find another way,” Aria explained.

“I swear, these people may as well be talking to each other from opposite ends of the room with their heads underwater!” Twilight said, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Now, leave us alone! We don’t want to talk to you,” Aria finished.

“Finally!” Twilight said.

“Are you going to help them?” Wallflower asked.

“Not even. That would just keep us here longer than we already needed to be. I don’t even know where we are right now,” Twilight said, looking around the hallway. “So, Vignette, it was nice meeting you, but I really have to go now. See you in Equestria Land.”

“I don’t have a problem at all. You are always welcome to my creations,” Vignette said, hugging Twilight again, although this time Twilight dodged the incredible invasion of personal space. “Maybe I’ll give you a tour, since you haven’t seen everything at Equestria Land.”

“If this is how you behave around people, I think I want a tour from someone else,” Twilight said.

“I think we should find Flash and Timber now. Sour Sweet text me that the movie is about to premiere in fifteen minutes,” Juniper said.

“Oh, you’re still here. I almost forgot about you myself,” Twilight said.

Sure, Twilight herself had said they had a half hour before the movie. And sure, they hadn’t been talking to The Dazzlings for more than five minutes. But, there was no way that Twilight was going to pick at every discrepancy after this unintelligent and unintelligible tangent the plot had taken, which would surely have no impact on anything that happened later. Just like what happened at the beach and Crystal Prep.

In a rare instance of some slightly clearer narration, Flash Sentry and Timber Spruce were playing a guitar game in one of the video game rooms. Whatever a video game room was, this narrator couldn’t tell you.

“Yes! I finally beat you!” Timber cheered.

“After four times I beat you,” Flash retorted, rolling his eyes.

“Hey, I never played guitar before. And you took advantage of me,” Timber said.

Anyone overhearing their conversation hoped that Flash didn’t take *ahem* too much advantage of Timber’s apparent inexperience and naivete.

“I told you to ask me for directions, but you decided to be proactive,” Flash said.

“I was proving a point to my sister. That I’m good at something first hand. I thought guitars were easy,” Timber retorted.

“Then you should think, before you get proactive,” Gloriosa said, as she arrived with Twilight. It was not specified here if they arrived with Wallflower and Juniper, but Twilight felt like she wanted to bang her head on a wall after listening to the dialogue exchanged between the three.

“Okay, I admit: I’m not proactive,” Timber said.

“Show of hands here. Who actually knows what proactive means?” Twilight said, raising her own hand, after hearing the word misused three times. She smirked when she saw that nobody else raised their hands. Of course they, nor whoever wrote their dialogue, knew what proactive meant. Then again, she didn’t expect them to raise their hands anyway.

“Come on. The Daring Do movie is about to begin,” said Juniper, who apparently had arrived with the others.

Once more, without any kind of described travel, they arrived at the theater, where apparently Lemon Zest was waiting.

“You ten minutes early,” Lemon said.

“And you said that we’re going to be late,” Juniper boasted.

“Ten minutes now? I guess time has no meaning in the chapter that never ends. And nobody said we were going to be late. At all,” Twilight said.

“Whatever. We’re going to be taking out seats,” Sugarcoat said, even though she was not at all described as waiting at the theater.

Apparently, all of the Shadowbolts were there already, as they all filed into the theater after Juniper, Wallflower, Gloriosa and Timber. Frankly, there were almost too many characters to keep track of for a less competent narrator.

Twilight took her seat in an unspecified row, and Flash sat beside her.

“Twilight. Can we talk about what happened back on the beach?” Flash said.

“No, we can’t. We’ve already resolved the issues between us there, and we’re friends now because of it. If you brought it up now, it would just be revisiting something that’s already solved. And nothing kills a story like lingering on something for too long,” Twilight said.

“But--” Flash began.

“No buts. I already know what you’re going to say. You’re going to apologize for making me cry, as if the whole thing wasn’t resolved. Then, you’re going to talk about respect, since this author just loves talking about respect, but doesn’t seem to understand it. But, before we even started talking, you’d probably have dragged me over to the bathrooms to talk, like some kind of creepy pervert! You know, if a guy did that to a girl in real life, that guy would get punched. A lot. Below the belt.”

Flash stared at Twilight, dumbfounded by the force of her speech.

“I was just going to say that I had a lot of fun with you. I was wondering if we could do it again. You know, just as friends,” Flash said.

“Wha--Uh, yeah. Sure,” Twilight said, feeling suddenly flustered by the change in Flash’s logic and demeanor. “What happened just now?”

“I think the narration and dialogue is back in control of the editor, and not the guy who wrote the first draft of this story,” Flash said.

“You know about the editor too?” Twilight said.

“Sure. If anyone knew it was him who was writing these stories everyone loved so much, nobody would read anything by the author. They’d all migrate to the editor’s page,” Flash said.

“Especially if they saw how the unedited drafts of each of these chapters,” Twilight said.

“Hang on. Looks like the narrations going back to ‘incompetent’ mode,” Flash said.

“Stay with me! Don’t become a babbling, non-sequitur spewing goon again!” Twilight said, clasping Flash’s hand in her own.

Flash offered a reassuring smile to Twilight. For as much as he valued her in his life, he would do his best not to let himself be taken away by poor writing.

Megan Williams came back to the theater. It seemed that she was to be addressed by her full name, as simply being referred to as ‘Megan’ wouldn’t make her stand out all that much in a world where names like Twilight Sparkle and Knuckle Duster were common.

Megan had her mother’s phone, and was excited to take pictures of Twilight, like some overzealous weirdo.

“Hey. I’m here for pictures,” Megan said.

“Megan, I’ll keep this simple: I’m not the Twilight Sparkle you know from Equestria Land. I’m a magical, purple alicorn princess from a kingdom called Equestria, where unicorns, pegasi, and magical talking ponies take the place of humans here in this world,” Twilight said.

“Okay. See you in Equestria someday,” Megan said, before leaving, without even taking pictures.

Twilight sighed, and rested her head on Flash’s shoulder.

“It’s tough being a character in this story,” Twilight said.

“I know. I’ve been ashamed to be in it since they author decided to arbitrarily throw me in,” Flash said.

Then Juniper, who was apparently sitting in the row in front of them, though it was never specified as such, turned around in her seat to face her friends.

“Twilight? Flash? The movie is about to start in less than a minute,” Juniper said.

“Thank you. We’ll ponder that for the next sixty seconds,” Twilight said.

“How much longer does this go on?” Flash wondered.

“It can’t be much longer until the next chapter starts. I wonder what that one’s about.”

“I don’t know. Let me take a look,” Flash said, as he looked to see what the title of the next chapter was. “The next chapter’s called ‘Bondsitting.’ Any idea what that means?”

“I don’t know. Maybe we’ll be looking after James Bond,” Twilight shrugged.

“Your guess is as good as mine. Let’s just sit back and wait for the movie to start,” Flash said.

“Best line of dialogue I’ve heard yet,” Twilight agreed, as she settled into her seat.