WELCOME TO PONYVILLE, FELLOW EQUINE

by JawJoe

Rating: everyone
Tags: Spike, Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3112

Twilight Sparkle is sent to Ponyville: a small, out-of-the-way town which is definitely inhabited by ponies just like her.

As the Summer Sun Celebration nears, Twilight Sparkle is sent to Ponyville: a small, out-of-the-way town which is definitely inhabited by ponies just like her. It's right there in the name.

Published 2018-04-01 19:20:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-01 19:20:06 UTC

WELCOME TO PONYVILLE

Twilight hopped out of the golden carriage and leaned over to the pair of pegasi guards who'd drawn her all the way to Ponyville.

"Thank you, sirs."

The guards both gave a satisfied sigh, puffing their chest proudly. Twilight had already turned the other way.

On the outset, Ponyville seemed ordinary enough, perhaps with a bit of cartoonishly idyllic slant. The air was fresh and sweet and the pleasant summer gusts carried the scent of flowers aplenty, and the blue sky and green grass both seemed somehow even more vibrant than they'd appeared back in Canterlot. A nice place, by all account. Although Twilight already missed the library back home, she thought maybe coming here wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Well, it wouldn't have been, if it hadn't been for all the other ponies around. Okay, so ponies were fine in general, she thought, but the idea of talking to them? Making friends? The Princess was out of her mind, she must have been, especially with the looming threat of Nightmare Moon's return!

Spike skipped to Twilight's side. "Maybe the ponies in Ponyville have interesting things to talk about!"

Twilight doubted that. Before she could give words to her doubt, however, a violently pink earth pony approached the pair.

"Come on, Twilight, just try," Spike said, nudging Twilight towards the curious pink pony.

Twilight pondered for a moment, searching her mind for something to say to the pony. The pony stared at her with a blank eyes and a vacant smile that betrayed no thoughts behind the facade.

"Uh, hello?" Twilight attempted, sheepish at the notion of talking to a stranger.

The pink pony's eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. She gasped so deeply like she hadn't taken a breath in a year.

"HELLO FELLOW EQUINE."

Twilight blinked her confusion. Was this what ponies out in the country were like? "Yes, um, I'm—"

"I RECOGNISE THAT YOU DO NOT MAKE RESIDENCE IN PONYVILLE AND THEREFORE YOU MUST MAKE RESIDENCE OUTSIDE OF PONYVILLE."

Twilight and Spike exchanged a look best described as thoroughly, absolutely befuddled.

"I am in fact from Canterlot," said Twilight, nodding in hopes of eliciting some manner of reaction from the strange pony other than howling.

Spike elbowed her side. "Ask her about her day, Twilight! Ask her about her day."

"How are you today?" Twilight asked.

The pink pony just stared, her smile unwavering. It was about this time that Twilight began to suspect that, although she hadn't been paying close attention, the pony hadn't blinked since she saw her.

"I HAVE CEASED MY NIGHTLY REST CYCLE AND SUBSEQUENTLY BEGAN PERAMBULATING THE PERIMETER OF PONYVILLE. I HAVE FOUND THAT PERAMBULATION UNDERTAKEN EVERY TIME THE LOCAL STAR IS AT ITS APPARENT APEX IN ITS LIGHT-DARK CYCLE IMPROVES MY OVERALL PERFORMANCE IN VARIOUS FIELDS. PLEASE RELAY TO ME WHAT YOU KNOW OF CANTERLOT."

"I, uh... Canterlot is... nice? I guess." Twilight looked at the vacantly smiling pony with increasing worry, who didn't at all seem to care about Twilight blatantly eyeing her up and down. "I'm Twilight Sparkle, by the way."

"GREETINGS TWILIGHT SPARKLE. WELCOME TO PONYVILLE. I HOPE YOU WILL FIND PONYVILLE TO BE A SATISFACTORY PLACE OF RESIDENCE. I MUST GO AS MY PEOPLE NEED ME."

Before Twilight could have got another word in, the pink pony zipped off with unprecedented speed.

"Well," Twilight said as she turned to Spike, "that was interesting alright."

"Yeah, that sure was... something. Well, I'm sure Ponyville ponies are fine for the most part. Every town has its oddballs." Spike pulled out the Summer Sun Celebration Official Overseer's Checklist that Celestia had so thoughtfully provided the pair with. "This says we need to head to Sweet Apple Acres first."

It appeared that Sweet Apple Acres was aptly named indeed: several acres of apple trees filled the rolling hills as far as Twilight's eyes could see. The pair walked through the main gates to the orchard looking for the pony supposedly in charge of provisions for the Summer Sun Celebration: an earth pony named Applejack, by Celestia's instructions.

The main building and barn were... well, the first phrase that popped into Twilight's head was that they were "abuzz with life," however she soon revised her thoughts. There were ponies in and around the garden, looking out of windows, standing in doorways, sitting at tables; oh, there were ponies around all right, more than Twilight had even seen in the entire town on the way here! But something was amiss.

Nopony was moving.

They stood or sat like they'd been rooted in place, bodies as still as statues, necks cranking their frozen smiles in Twilight's direction to follow her every step. And it was quiet. Nopony talked. Twilight had only just now realised she hadn't heard a solitary bird's song this entire time she's been here. There wasn't so much as a stray cricket chirping. Only the light summer breeze rustled the tree leaves, swaying the supple red apples on the branches which had gone conspicuously unpicked.

Twilight wondered if she should say anything to Spike; had she just woken up on the wrong side of the bed today, had she gone mad, or was this all really as creepy as she thought? By the look in Spike's eyes, he might have been wondering the same exact thing.

Twilight wanted to get this done as quickly as possible, and not just because of the impending threat of Nightmare Moon's return.

Her gaze finally fell upon a pony matching Applejack's description; an orange earth pony stood by a nearby apple tree. Weirdly, she seemed to be the only pony not looking at her, as Applejack's eyes were set on the tree in front of him so closely that her nose may have been touching the bark.

"Let's get this over with," Twilight mumbled, stepping up to Applejack and clearing her throat. "Good afternoon! My name is Twilight Sparkle—"

Applejack spun around as if on wheels, pushing her face in Twilight's and making her lean away. "HELLO FELLOW EQUINE. WE, THE PONIES OF PONYVILLE, ARE VERY WELCOMING OF PONIES AS WE ARE PONIES OURSELVES."

Everypony around nodded in silent unison.

"Well, yes, that has been my impression so far."

"DO YOU REQUIRE ASSISTANCE, PARDNER?"

"Well, I am in fact here to supervise preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. And you're in charge of the food?"

"YES, FOOD. YEE-HAW! I TOO ENJOY INGESTING ORGANIC MATERIAL SUCH AS APPLES. I GREATLY ENJOY THE SENSATION THE PARTICLES OF THE FLESH OF THE APPLE CREATE ON MY TONGUE WHICH I HAVE IN MY MOUTH, AS ANY PONY WOULD. DO YOU LIKE APPLES, PARDNER?"

"I, uh—"

One of Applejack's back legs wound up as if it were spring-action, then rebound unponily quickly, kicking the tree behind her with a thunderous noise. The trunk groaned under the immense force of Applejack's hoof as cracks raced up and down its body under a rain of apples from its foliage; eventually the now-cracked tree settled in a crooked fashion. It was a wonder it was standing at all. It appeared to have dropped every single one of its apples on the grass below.

"GOSH-DARN, IT APPEARS IT IS THE TIME IN OUR DAILY CYCLE WHEN WE MUST OBTAIN SUSTENANCE. I ENJOY THIS TIME OF DAY AS IT IS A RITUAL EXCUSE TO MEET WITH PONIES OF MY BLOOD LINEAGE, WHICH IS AN IMPORTANT BONDING FORCE IN PONY SOCIETY."

If Twilight's "crazy as hay"-ese was not rusty, she thought she knew where this was going. "I'm not sure I have the time to stay for lunch, and—"

"I DISLIKE IT WHEN MY STOMACH IS AT CAPACITY AND AS SUCH BECOMES UNABLE TO HOLD ANY MORE FOOD. YEE-HAW!"

Twilight had no time to protest as somepony grabbed her from behind. Craning her head back, she noticed it wasn't just somepony – but several someponies! She didn't even hear them walk up behind her. Before she knew it, she found herself stuffed inside what smelled like an old apple barrel. The lid slammed shut over her, leaving only thin streams of light seeping in through the gaps in the old wood.

"Hey, let me go!" she yelled, but there came no answer. "Spike!" Still no answer.

The barrel fell on its side with a thump, and promptly started rolling. Twilight's cries for help went unanswered as her captors rolled her away, away to... somewhere.

The barrel stood up, Twilight falling over inside with yet another painful thump. Then the lid begin to open – not above Twilight, but right under her hooves. She clung on to the barrel as long as she could but eventually lost her hoofing as the lid retracted completely.

Twilight fell. For a split second, she thought this may be it, the end of it all. Her hooves flailed helplessly, catching only air. Her screams of fear and pain echoed all around her as if she were in some tunnel.

A moment later, she hit the ground. "Oof!"

She curled up, waiting for time to heal some of the pain. She could still feel all her hooves and her tail, so that was a plus, all things considered.

Someone yelled, in a "I'm falling to my death, help me!" sort of way. Twilight recognised the voice immediately. Her brain had barely caught up to what was happening, but her horn was already alive with light, creating a purple cushion of magic for Spike to fall onto.

"Twilight? Thank goodness!" Spike said. Twilight's magic gave out and he fell the last few inches onto the cold, hard floor. "Ouch."

A beam of light straight above them made black silhouettes of some things that were definitely not ponies. Twilight couldn't make anything out before the beam disappeared, a heavy, metallic-sounding mechanism covering the hatch.

Twilight didn't know where they were, only that it was cold and dark. The air smelled sterile like a dentist's. It took her eyes a couple of seconds to adjust to the low-light conditions, and even then she could barely make out Spike less than a leg's stretch from her face.

"Are you okay? Can you stand up?"

Slowly, Twilight clambered to her hooves. "Yeah, I think I'm fine."

"Where are we? What's happening?"

"Look, I'm seeing the same things you are, okay? I've not the foggiest."

Shutting her eyes, Twilight focused some of her remaining energies into the tip of her horn. After a few attempts and some scattered sparks, her horn began to glow brightly, illuminating the room.

Metallic walls surrounded them on all sides, every surface exactly the same. The hatch where they'd been thrown in was gone, or at least Twilight couldn't make it out no matter how hard she squinted. After pacing around for a while, she was no longer even sure where it had been.

"Oh, this is bad." Spike sat down and hugged his knees, rocking back and forth. "Bad, bad, bad."

"Yeah!" responded Twilight. "What are we going to tell Celestia?"

"That's your problem?"

"Wait, that's right!" Twilight stopped pacing. "Can you reach Celestia?"

"Um, I, uh..." Spike looked around, puffing a tiny tuft of green flame. "Got anything to send?"

Twilight's lips parted into a frustrated snarl and she groaned. "No."

Spike stood up and began walking around as well. "Okay, keep cool, keep cool. We'll be fine. We'll be fine. Right?" He looked at Twilight. "Ri—?"

His word got cut short. Twilight turned to him just in time to see him tumble forwards onto the cold floor. "What's that?"

"It's..." Spike looked at his feet. He'd tripped over something. "Grates! Look, I can see another room down there."

Twilight and Spike glanced at one another. "Ventilation maybe?" Twilight asked out loud, fully knowing Spike wouldn't know more than she does.

Spike shrugged.

"Well, that does give me an idea." She walked over to the grates on the floor and gave them a good clang with her hooves. They didn't sound too tough. "How hot is your breath, again?"

Alarms blared all around them, the noise in the tight passageways echoing unbearably. They knew they got out. They had to know.

Twilight and Spike ran down many narrow corridors, each as sterile and featureless as the last. Twilight guessed these had to be ventilation shafts, given their placement parallel to much bigger rooms which they could see through grates not unlike the one they initially escaped through.

On the other side, they saw creatures Twilight could not possibly liken to anything she'd ever seen. They were large and fleshy and bulbous, and that was about the extent of any rational-sounding description she could think of, so strange their posture, their movements, their limbs. Feet? Hooves? Talons? Nothing seemed to fit. The longer Twilight stared at them, the more fear she felt.

Eventually the pair found an empty room on the far side of the grates. Spike huffed and puffed and managed to melt the grates away again, allowing them both to climb through.

"Okay, now to look for a proper exit," Twilight said.

There was only one way out of the room they found themselves in. Twilight poked her head around the corner – and saw one of those things. She pulled back immediately, but she couldn't be sure if she'd been spotted. There was just no way to tell one side or end of these things from the other.

Twilight put a hoof over Spike's lips and clenched her teeth, holding her breath. Her ears craned every which way.

It was coming.

She could hear it oozing closer and closer.

In her head, Twilight was already calculating the pros and cons of putting up a fight. Given that she had no clue what these things were capable of, other than that they were three times her size, it was a calculation involving a lot of variables.

"Hey, maybe this opens a back door?" asked Spike.

"What?" Twilight looked to see Spike getting on the tips of his toes to reach a big red button on the far wall. "You don't even know what—"

Spike slammed his palm on the button.

"...that does."

The room began to shake. Next to the button, the metal wall began to open up like a barn door. For a second, Twilight thought Spike was right and that this was their way to freedom.

Then she saw that there was glass on the other side. Thick, formidable glass that might take longer to break through than the thing would take to get to them.

...and then she saw blackness through the glass. A great, black void, dotted by tiny points of light, and... Earth?!

They were in space. They had to be! She could make out the mountains of Equestria down below.

Stomp. Twilight flipped around to see the thing entering the room. It gave a sound like a dozen shrieking ponies, puffing itself up and flailing its appendages around with what Twilight assumed was great, great anger.

The thing raised its arm-like tentacle-y appendages high over Twilight, ready to strike. Twilight hugged Spike close, staring down her imminent otherworldly demis with as much courage as she could. Which, granted, was not a whole lot.

A brilliant flash of light blinded her before the incoming blow connected.

Twilight fell on her hooves, legs momentarily giving way and nearly making her crumple like an old rag doll. She managed to regain her strength and straighten her posture again before she hit the floor. Her eyes were still dazzled by the explosion of light, and it took quite a bit of blinking before she could see properly again.

"I'll level with you, Twilight," came the voice of Celestia.

They were in Celestia's study, back in Canterlot. Spike was at her side, his expression mirroring Twilight's confusion. Celestia's horn was still seething with energy after such an immensely long teleportation spell.

"I had this whole thing planned out," Celestia continued, lying down on the carpet leisurely. "You'd go and make friends, but then that would turn out to be just a test of sorts, but also not really. You'd learn a valuable lesson about the value of friendship, yada yada. It was a nice plan, I thought."

"Uh..." Twilight blinked her confusion. "Y-yeah, that does sound pleasant. I guess."

"I honestly didn't expect to have to fetch you from Zblorgian imprisonment. I was just going to pretend I'd been kidnapped by Nightmare Moon or something, I mean originally, but I had my eye on you all along."

"The who in the what now?" Spike asked.

"I mean, with a name like Ponyville, I was sure it was ponies living there. Who else, right?" Celestia chuckled. "An honest mistake, really."

She extended her wing, pulling Twilight over to her side. She nuzzled her mane and patted Spike on the back. "What matters is that you are both fine."

For all that'd happened, Twilight was glad to finally be back with Celestia. As the two of them huddled together, she could feel Celestia's slow heartbeats, and it seemed to help her calm down, too.

Twilight sighed. "So was that real, what I saw? Was I really, like, you know..." She stuck her hoof upwards.

"Yes! Quite a trip you two have had. I think that's about enough adventure for..." She winked at her. "Well, at least a week."

Twilight found herself chuckling, and Spike joined in too.

"You know, Princess," Twilight began, "it's funny."

Celestia's eyes fluttered. "Hmm?"

"For a moment up there..." she glanced out the window, at the low afternoon Sun. "I looked out a window. It looked almost as if the Earth was going around the Sun, not the other way around. But that'd make the entirety of the Summer Sun Celebration and your entire reign a farce." Twilight laughed. "Ridiculous! I don't know, maybe it was just a some sort of enchanted window, showing things that aren't true." She chuckled again.

Celestia just stared at her with wide eyes.

"...Princess?"

Twilight sat down on the cold slab of metal that the guards had called her 'new bed'. She could barely even see the Sun from her dungeon window.

"Maybe they have interesting things to talk about, you said," she muttered, crossing her hooves.

Spike banged his head against the cell door in frustration. "You don't have to rub it in, you know."

"Just try, you said."

"I didn't know, okay? How could I have known?"

"I was going to stay home and read, Spike! Just stay home and read!"

Author's Note

Happy April 1st, everyone.

Absolutely no effort whent into this. I am not sorry.