My little Dalek: EXTERMINATION is Magic!
It’s a beautiful day in Canterlot. It’s the middle of summer, the market is bustling, the birds are chirping, foals are laughing.
”AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
...And the unidentified screaming. Yep, exactly as it should be- wait... unidentified screaming?
”AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Yep, that’s screaming all right. Celestia looks out her Court’s window, and sees a object falling right towards her courtroom. She and all the noble petitioners are soon blinded by dust and debris.
———
Note: Drivers upgraded. New version: Harmony 1.0. Directives: Exterminate inferior species. Sending distress beacon.
Warning: No Dalek responding, scanners indicate Daleks are Exterminated. Note: Directives updating: New version: Last of the Daleks.
New Directives: Survive, by any means. Make friends, even with inferior species. Exterminate who killed us!
Note: Third Directive overridden by Harmony 1.0. Note: Emotional receptors unlocked. New emotions: Happiness, Fear, Sadness, 50+ more.
Note: Damaged, starting repairs... complete.
Dalek unit #143072986 is back online. New designation, ‘John.’
———
Within this cloud of dust, a blue light shines through. “I am alone... in this universe... I must survive...”
———
It would seem that I crashed on a planet, and are the last Dalek. I have to survive, I need friends for this. The cloud clears and I see a bunch of equine creatures standing there, one on a throne. I look right at the one on the throne, “IDENTIFY YOURSELF!”
The one on the throne is white, has a horn and wings, and has a tatto of their star on her flank. She smiles down to me, “Now, I’m not the one who came crashing into the Palace. How about you identify first?”
Disobedience of a Dalek! “IDENTIFY YOURSELF!”
She still smiles down at me, “I’ll repeat myself, you first.”
“IDENTIFY!”
She sighs, “Fine, I can see we were going nowhere. I’m Princess Celestia. Who are you?”
Finally, “I AM DALEK JOHN! TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!”
She looks at me confused, “I am the leader.”
“INCORRECT, YOU ARE A PRINCESS. TAKE ME TO YOUR QUEEN, KING, EMPOROR, OR EMPRESS!”
She once again looks at me confused, “Queens and Kings were ruled out as titles thousands of years ago in the Equestrian Constitution.”
Then, a bunch of ponies wielding spears and wearing armor surround me, “I HAVE BEEN THREATENED, EVEN IF BY PRIMITIVE WEAPONS. RESPONCE SHALL FOLLOW!”
The armored ponies still surround me, “Don’t worry Princess, we’ll save you!l
I aim my Lazer at one, “STOP, OR FACE A DALEKS RESPONSE!”
The Princess shouts out, “Stop! Just-“
She dosnt get to finish, because in the middle of that one attacked me. They thrust their spear forward, and it broke upon me. The other armored ones join in. I point at the first one, “EXTERMINATE!”
*PEWW!*
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” He has been exterminated. I turn to the next.
“EXTERMINATE!”
*PEWW!*
“AHHHHH!”
“EXTERMINATE!”
*PEWW!*
“EXTERMINATE!”
*PEWW!*
“EXTERMINATE!”
*PEWW!*
And all the ponies lie dead around me, exterminated. The Princess just gawks at me with anger, “Why did you kill them!?”
I turn my lazer and eyestalk back to her, “THEY ATTACKED A DALEK. THEY WERE EXTERMINATED!”
She still glares at me, “You didn’t have to kill them!”
“THEY ATTACKED A DALEK. THEY WERE INFERIOR!”
She glances at the bodies, “Ugh... your not wrong about them attacking you, you are in the clear. But please, Dalek John, if you wish to live here, do NOT kill! Unless the situation is impossible without it!”
I continue to look at her, “WE ARE A DALEK, OUR INSTINCT IS TO EXTERMINATE. BUT... I WILL TRY NOT TO EXTERMINATE IF IT MEANS WE CAN HAVE A CHANCE ON THIS PLANET!”
Celestia then realized that the nobles were still there, “Court dissmised!” They all run out of there, “Okay, you have some explaining to do. Tell me why’re you here?”
“WE FELL FROM SPACE, WE ARE THE LAST OF THE DALEKS!”
She looks at me with pity, “The last of your species? I’m sorry.”
“DALEKS HAVE NO NEED FOR PITY!”
“So, what are you going to do here?”
“DIRECTIVES ARE TO SURVIVE, MAKE FRIENDS. WE WISH TO ALLOW THE DALEK EMPIRE SURVIVE!”
She looks at me once more, “That’s... more peaceful than I thought it would be. Are you a machine, or living? You talk about things like directives, and yet you have such powerful magic.”
Magic? “FALSE! MAGIC DOES NOT EXIST!”
“It does, you just used it.”
“WE HAVE NOT USED MAGIC, MAGIC ISNT REAL. WE USED TECHNOLOGY!”
“Such power from technology? Oh, Twilight would love you. Now, machine or living?”
“THE DALEKS ARE LIVING, WE LIVE WITHIN!”
“Within?”
“NOTE: YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW ABOUT THAT!”
“Why not?”
“IT IS CLASSIFIED INFORMATION!”
“But your the last...”
“DAVROS HAS DECLARED IT CLASSIFIED! WITHOUT HIM SAYING SO, YOU ARE NOT CLEARED!”
She looks at me a few seconds more, before deciding it was a mute point, “So... where are you from?”
“THE GREAT DALEK RACE COME FROM THE GREAT RED PLANET SKARO! TWELTH PLANET FROM THE SUN, LOCATED IN THE SEVENTH GALAXY! BUILT BY THE GREAT DAVROS!”
She looks at me in another new light, “Your an alien?”
“FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE, YES!”
Then a purple horned one bursts into the room, “Princess, I heard there was a commotion?”
Celestia sees her enter, and quickly teleports away the bodies, “There was, but it’s cleared up. Twilight, meet Dalek John.”
This ‘Twilight’ looks towards me, and holds out a hoof, “Oh, sorry didn’t see you! I’m Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia’s personal protege, nice to meet you!”
I look at her hoof, than at my suction cup, “IF WE WERE TO SHAKE APPENDAGES THAN IM AFRAID YOU MIGHT LOSE ONE.”
She cringes at my volume, “Don’t like being touched?”
I shake my eyestalk side to side, “MORE THE FACT THAT YOUR HOOF WOULD BE GRABBED, THAN TORN OFF BY THE SUCTION CUP.”
She looks at the suction cup again, “Oh, umm, alright.” Then she looks back at my eyestalk, “So, If you aren’t angry, why are you shouting?”
“THIS IS A DALEKS AVERAGE VOLUME!”
She smiles at me, “Well, it’s been nice meeting you, you seem pretty smart. I’ll just go back to my research.”
She leaves, and we think of something to say. It takes about five minutes for a scroll to appear in front of Celestia, “Oh, let’s see here...” She reads it, and then writes one back, “Dalek John, I request some help.”
“WHAT IS IT?”
She sends the scroll, “About a thousand years ago a demon called Nightmare Moon corrupted my sister. I had to banish her to the moon with the Elements Of Harmony. Tomorrow, during the Summer Sun Celebration In Ponyville, She will return. I’m sending Twilight there to weild the Elements to free my sister from the demon, but... it could go wrong. Nightmare Moon is powerful, and from what I’ve seen, you are too. I want you to help protect Twilight, and if things go wrong... stop her. Do this, and I will trust you, and allow you to live freely.”
I consider this for a bit. I need to make friends, I should do this. I’ll get a good Exterminateion out of it if all goes right as well. “I WILL HELP YOU, AS A SIGN OF GOODWILL AND PEACE!”
She smiles at me, “Thank you, going out of your way to help. That means we will have to somehow get you on a chariot as well... how much do you weigh?”
“FOURTY POUNDS!”
“Right, you’ll get a chariot of your own.”
———
From a window on Canterlot, a man wearing a business suit looks at his previously saved creature. “A loud, shouting, purifyer? Sounds great.”
Author's Note
And now, this!
