A Canterlot Hangover

by grl6p

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, Main 6, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Spike, Comedy, Sex, Queen Chrysalis, Profanity, Shining Armor, Violence, Alternate Universe, Narcotics
Length: 2589

A hospitalized, injured, and hungover Twilight goes off at everyone for refusing to listen to her about Chrysalis.

Following the huge fight with her brother, Twilight is depressed until “Cadance” decides to take her to a nearby bar for a few drinks. She goes on a bender and ends up waking up in a hospital hungover, in pain, and surrounded by her friends and loved ones with no memory of what happened before she got knocked out.

After a huge tell-off, she learns that fake Cadance/Queen Chrysalis did something horrible to her that led to her hospitalization and the wedding being postponed. She discovers how the changeling invasion went down, and that everyone ended up learning a hard lesson.

Based off of a recurring dream I had of Twilight getting hammered and drunkenly going off at everyone for abandoning her.

Rated T for drinking, an allusion to date rape, suggestive humor, and cursing.

Cover art belongs to IFlySNA94

Published 2018-03-31 22:00:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-03 18:17:57 UTC

“Can I Buy You Some Drinks?”

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and comfort my bride!” An angry Shining Armor yelled at Twilight Sparkle as tears began to well up in her eyes.

“And you can forget about being my best mare!” Shining continued as he left the throne room, “And if I were you, I wouldn’t even show up to the wedding at all!”

Twilight looked as if someone just ripped out her heart and stomped on it.

She and the others now stood there in silence, shocked at the argument that just went down.

Applejack was the one that broke the mood, “Come on y’all, we’ve gotta go check on the princess.”

Twilight watched in sadness as her friends trotted out of the throne room, furious with Twilght’s actions.

Twilight called, “Guys, come back! Please?” But her pleas fell on deaf ears.

Just when Twilight thought it couldn’t get any worse, Celestia got up as well and started to leave.

Twilight tried to explain herself, “Wait! I was-”

But Celestia didn’t listen, “You have a lot to think about!” the sun princess said in a very disappointed tone before slamming the door on Twilight.

How did we get this way? You see, the captain of the Canterlot Royal Guards Shining Armor was getting ready to marry Princess Cadance, the adopted niece of Celestia and Luna, and former foalsitter to Twilight.

The Mane 6 and Spike had gone down to Canterlot to help out with wedding preparations.

Twilight was the most excited because she couldn’t wait to see her B.B.B.F.F. and her foalsitter after many years.

However, she was dismayed to learn that over the years Cadance had changed from a sweet loving pony to a rude and ungrateful one who insulted everything her friends were doing to prepare for the wedding.

But the real drama didn’t start until Twilight noticed Candance casting a strange spell on Shining Armor and saw the original bridesmaids were replaced with her friends. So Twilight crashed the wedding rehearsal and tried to reveal that Cadance was evil, but it didn’t go over so well.

Now left completely alone, Twilight began to cry, “What have I done? My brother hates me, my own friends wouldn’t believe my claims, and even Celestia won’t talk to me.”

She walked to the stairs in tears, “I’ve fucked up everything.”

Meanwhile, outside the door, “Cadance” had snuck out from her chambers to use the mares room when really she wanted to listen through the door and gloat.

“That stupid bitch really though she could stop me.” Cadance thought, “Well I’ll make sure she never interferes with my plans. And I’ve got a perfect idea.”

The bride to be went inside to find Twilight crying and started to stroke her hair.

Twilight looked up at her and whimpered, “I’m sorry.”

Cadance’s eyes briefly flashed a look of evil before she before she switched to a faux calm demeanor, “It’s nothing. These past few days have been pretty insane but after tomorrow it will all be better.”

“No it won’t.” Twilight cried, “Everyone I care about is mad at me for what happened at the wedding rehearsal. I just want to get my mind off this whole wedding.”

Fake Cadance, knowing her plan was working, asked, “How about we go to the local bar and I’ll buy you a few drinks? Will that make you feel better?”

“I guess.” Twilight replied.

“Great. The night’s on me!”

A few moments later...

Farley’s Cider & Booze Hut was a popular sports bar in Canterlot where people could watch the latest game on television and have all of the cheaply priced alcoholic drinks they want.

Tonight, the bar was closed because the owner, Farley Fizz, was busy finishing preparing a huge shipment of alcohol to send to the Royal wedding reception the next day.

“This is one big order.” Farley thought before he was interrupted by the little bell on the entrance door ringing with Twilight and fake Cadance at the front door.

“Hi are you guys open?” Twilight asked.

Farley turned around and bowed at the sight of Cadance, “Princess Cadance, what a surprise. What brings you here the night before your wedding?”

Cadance let Twilight to the bar stools, “My future sister-in-law and I have had a very rough past few days and could use some drinks.”

“But are you sure you should be drinking before your big day?” Farley asked, scratching his mane.

Cadance gave Farley a nasty look, startling the bar owner.

“Just give us two ciders please.” Twilight said as her head plopped on the bar table.

“Okay, two ciders coming up.” Farley turned around, made the drinks, and handed back two mugs.

“Thank you. Just put it on my tab.” Cadance smiled.

“Okay,” Farley said, “If you need a refill, just give me a call.”

He left the room and Twilight took a small sip from the mug.

“Are you going to have any Cadance?” Twilight asked.

“No, this is a cheer up day for you.” Cadance said, “I want you to have as much as you like until you feel happy.”

“Okay.” Twilight quickly chugged down the mug, and put it down. Then she guzzled down the 2nd cup and slammed it down.

“Wow, I feel better already!” Twilight exclaimed with excitement.

“Perfect.” Cadance said to herself, knowing that her plan was working.

“Farley, two more please!”

Over the next hour, Twilight had consumed cup after cup of the bar’s alcoholic beverages and was starting to feel a little tipsy.

“How are you feeling Twilight?” Cadance asked.

Twilight was now starting to slur her words, “I feel like I can do anything!”

“I told you.”

Twilight then felt her stomach rumble, “Hey, Imma go outside and take a leak, but I shall return!”

She then stumbled outside the entrance, not noticing the bathroom signs near the jukebox.

Now that she was alone with the drinks, Cadance took out a small capsule.

“My plan is working. That stupid pony is so drunk, she’s helping my with my ultimate goal. And now it’s time for the real fun to start.” Cadance thought.

After doing a brief double take to see if anyone was there, the fake Cadance put the capsule into one of the drinks.

Twilight stumbled in, her mouth was coated in vomit and she was now a complete mess.

She tripped on her barstool, so Cadance had to place her up.

“You know, I was wrong about you. When we were prepping that wedding, I thought you were a self centered bitch who was using magic on my brother,” Twilight slurred, “But now you’re totally rad! *hic*”

“Aww, you’re hicupping.” Cadance said in a baby-like voice as she levitated the mug, “You need to take another drink. It’ll make you feel better in no time.”

Twilight grabbed the tainted cup and drank it.

“*hic* Oh Cadence, you are so bad.” Twilight muttered as she felt herself going dark. “You are the baddest bitch and the best foalsitter... ever...” At those last words, Twilight went out like a light.

“Sleep tight Twilight.” Cadance sighed, “Now its my turn to have fun!”

She grabbed an unconscious Twilight and began to cackle as she turned into her true form: Queen Chrysalis!

Author's Note

Read and review! And don’t drink kids!

Twilight in the Hospital/A Massive Tell Off

Author's Note

A/N: I have never had a hangover (or any form of alcohol, I'm still a minor) before so I may get a few things wrong about the topic.

Twilight in the Hospital/A Massive Tell Off

Beep.. Beep.. Beep..

“Twily, are you okay?”

“Twilight!! Wake up!”

The first thing Twilight saw after gaining consciousness was the faces of her parents, brother, the real Cadance, Celestia, Spike, and her friends.

“Where am I?” Twilight asked as she held her head in pain. “Ow my head.”

“You’re in the royal hospital Twilight,” Celestia said. “Your friends found you at Farley’s unresponsive and bleeding and you’ve been here recovering for the last 2 days."

"Did I miss the wedding?" Twilight asked.

"It ended up being put on hold when we found you darling," Rarity answered, "Even after the attack, Shining Armor and Cadence still didn't want to have it without you."

"Wait what attack?" Twilight asked, confused, “and what was I doing at Farley’s?”

“This is what he told us” Cadance replied, stroking her mane, “You showed up to the bar with Queen Chrysalis-“

“Wait who?”

“Queen Chrysalis is the Changeling Queen and she and her subjects are shape-shifting creatures who feed on the love of other ponies.” Shining Armor said, “She kidnapped the real Cadance and left her tied up behind a dumpster. She’s been impersonating her this whole time-”

Twilight started to become angry, “Wait you just figured out she was evil?”

“Well we didn’t really figure it out until we went out looking for you to apologize,” Pinkie Pie said, “We became concerned when we heard evil laughter and your muffled moans, and saw a scary beam coming from Farley’s.”

“By the time we arrived, it was too late. We saw her in her true form trying to dispose of your body in the bar’s dumpster where we found the real Cadance.” Rarity added, “Farley explained that Chrysalis got you drunk, drugged you into unconsciousness, and took you out back where she forcefully drained all of your love.”

Twilight’s eyes widened in shock and in fear.

“Spike and Cadance had to take you to the hospital while the rest of the us dealt with the Changelings.” Applejack continued, “But anyway, we should’ve listened to you.”

Twilight’s face turned from a look of fear to a look of anger, “You’re telling me that Chrysalis drugged, assaulted and tried to murder me and then you took my side?”

“Well-”

“I have been trying to tell all of you the whole damn time that Cadance had been evil!” Twilight began to yell, “But none of you idiots even bothered to listen to me.”

“Twily,” Shining Armor said, “We’re sorry.”

“Oh really!” Twilight exclaimed sarcastically, “You obviously took her side because of ‘migraine spells’ and the fact that she had ‘wedding jitters’. WELL MIGRAINES AND WEDDING JITTERS MY FLANK!!!!”

Spike tried to talk, “Please if we just explain everything to you-”

“NO!” Twilight yelled at her friends before holding her head in pain from the hangover, “You all took Shining Armor’s side and passed it off as pre-marital stress when you KNEW she had hated all of your ideas!!!”

“But we never knew she was an imposter back then.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Oh really, you were too busy doing that stupid sonic rainboom to even notice her bad attitude!”

Rainbow Dash tried to charge but Applejack held her back, “My sonic rainboom is not stupid!!!! It brought us together!”

“You *hic* shut up!” Twilight said before taking the adjacent empty bedpan and throwing up in it.

Celestia went over to the bed, “Twilight, please. It’s okay. I know you’re upset but should really think about what you’re saying right now.”

Furious, Twilight screamed, “NO YOU HAVE A LOT TO THINK ABOUT YOU STUPID BITCH!!!!!!!”

Celestia gasped, her owns words against her student had just been used against her.

“Your ignorance got me this way! After all we’ve done for each other, you’re still that hateful bastard who banished her own sister to the godamn moon!!!”

Celestia was now speechless and had to be consoled by one of the nurses.

“Twilight, please calm down.” Fluttershy meekly asked, “You’re starting to scare me.”

“YOU’RE SCARED?!” Twilight yelled, making the meek yellow Pegasus cry, “While you guys had your heads up Cadance’s ass, I was being assaulted by a motherfucking changeling! If any of you took my side, none of this would’ve even happened!!!!”

She then held her head in pain as tears welled up in her eyes, “Now I have to live with the fact that I was attacked by the Changeling Queen!” She began bawling.

Cadance walked up to the bed, “Twilight, none of this was your fault. Chrysalis was a power-hungry monster who used my identity to get into Canterlot and drain love. Now she and all of the other Changelings are gone and everything will be alright.”

Twilight sniffled, “Well how do I know you’re not still Chrysalis?”

At those words, Cadance started to do a little dance and recite a familiar nursery rhyme:

Sunshine sunshine
Ladybugs awake
Clap your hooves and
Do a little shake

As Twilight listened along, her look of anger turned into a look of small happiness.

"Holy shit! It is you!" Twilight gasped.

"Yes it is, and no I won't drug you." Cadence said.

Twilight’s old doctor, Safe Practitioner came into the room.

“Everyone, I have good news about Twilight.”

“What is it?” Pinkie Pie asked.

"Yeah what is it doc?" Twilight asked, now back in her hungover state.

“Well Twilight is officially well enough so she can go home. But with her hangover, I’m recommending that she stays in bed for a while until she can get back on her hooves and make sure she gets plenty of fluids.”

“Thank you doctor.” Shining Armor said, “We’ll take good care of her.”

"I know you will." Dr. Practitioner said as he walked out the door.

The Mane 5 helped Twilight get out of her hospital bed, "Come on Twilight," Celestia said, "Let's all go back to your house where you can stay in the comfort of your bed until you're back on your feet."

"Thank you Princess Celestia." Twilight replied rubbing her pounding head. "I need it."

Everyone chuckled a little bit.

"I can make you a nice bowl of soup so you can have some food in your stomach," Twilight Velvet suggested.

"And if you're really having hangover cravings," Rainbow Dash added, "We can order a pizza or Chinese food."

"Appreciate the effort, but junk food can't really cure a hangover."

"Don't worry," Applejack replied, "I can whip you a up a hangover cure that's been in my family for generations. It's basically juice from our freshest trees, applesauce, and a few mint leaves. One time, Granny gave one to Big Mac after he got a massive one from sneaking out to a tailgate party for a hoofball game when he was supposed to be doing his farm chores. It worked like a charm."

"You guys can help however the fuck you want," Twilight said, "But you guys are still idiots for whole the wedding rehearsal thing. When I get home, I'm gonna watch TV, eat whatever I want, and lie on my bed wallowing in my own misery. I may forgive you someday, but for now I need to get my shit together."

"We completely understand, Twilight." Celestia said, "You have experienced things nopony should ever go through these past few days. We've all made the mistake of not believing you and you have all the right to be mad at us."

"You take all the time in the world you need to forgive us," Shining Armor added, "We'll even hold off the wedding until this works out."

Pinkie Pie pulled Twilight in a back-breaking hug. "We'll always make you feel better."

Twilight shoved her off, "There's one thing I still don't understand. What the fuck happened while I was out?"

"We can tell you when we get back." Spike said, "It's a long story..."

"Can you tell me later?" Twilight asked, "I wanna fucking sleep."

"Sure thing Twily," Shining Armor agreed, "Sure thing."