Special thanks to Clock for suggesting Dashie and Fluttershy’s gifts
Mares need their beauty sleep, everyone knows this; but especially beautiful mares. Rarity, being an exceptionally beautiful mare, required twelve hours of sleep each night. This is a fact that would no doubt interest Spike, something he could write in his creepy notebook he keeps under his blankets.
Today was not a day Rarity would get her twelve hours of sleep, for she woke to a presence on her face.
“Wake up!” came a high, familiar voice.
“Sweetie?” Rarity meant to ask, but what came out was “Mghfnnpght?”
“Guess what day it is!” was the answer. “IT’SYOURBIRTHDAY!”
Rarity pushed Sweetie Belle off her and fumbled to get her eyeshades off. “Ugh, how early is it?”
“I don’t know! I just woke up and was so excited I woke you up.”
Rarity blinked twice, confused. “Er, it is my birthday, Sweetie.”
“I know that,” Sweetie Belle shook her mane, a look of irritation on her face. “But I was so excited to give you my present.”
Rarity jumped down from the bed and looked at Sweetie, who had mounted the pile of covers. “Oh. Well, what is it?”
“Wait right there,” her sister squeaked, jumping down and running out the door. A few moments later, she came back, pushing her red wagon in. Sitting inside the wagon was a glorious chrome sewing machine! A red stripe ran down the middle, and there was an ovaloid logo that read “Horse’s Mouth Inc” on the top.
Rarity raised a hoof to her mouth. “Oh, Sweetie! It’s simply magnificent! Why, with a new sewing machine I can double my workload.” She swept her sister up in a hug. Letting go, she added, “Now why don’t you go play with your friends?”
Sweetie Belle looked as though she were about to say something, but then she bounded off. “’Bye, Rarity! See you later!”
Rarity began to set up her new sewing machine. She swept aside her ratty old red one, and set the sleek chrome beauty in its place. A bell rang, and she heard the door swing open.
“Happy birthday, Rarity!” came a chorus of voices. Turning, Rarity saw all her friends (plus Spike) entering the shop, each with a gift box.
“Oh, goodness! Good morning, everypony. I guess it is my birthday, isn’t it?” she asked, primping her mane with a hoof.
“It shore is, Rarity. An’ we all brought ya presents!”
“Except Spike,” Twilight Sparkle said. “I thought you got her something.”
“No, I didn’t.” Spike sounded nervous and he glanced across the room.
“No, I’m pretty sure you did. Wasn’t it a box of chocolates?”
“No! I couldn’t find anything I thought she’d like.” (Spike had bought her a box of chocolates, but he ended up eating them all while crying in bed.)
Rarity gestured towards her new sewing machine. “Look at this marvelous gift Sweetie Belle got me. I don’t know how she afforded it, but it very well might be the Best Gift Ever!”
“Wow, Rarity, it sure is nice,” Spike said.
“Well, here, Rarity. Open my gift first. Er, second.” Applejack held out her gift, dangling from her mouth. Rarity magicked it away.
She opened the box. Inside was a lasso, with a leather jewel-encrusted handle. “Oh my. It’s… lovely,” Rarity said, lifting the lasso up. “I’ll hang it up in my workshop so I can look upon it for inspiration.”
“Maybe you c’n even lasso l’il Sweetie Bell with it when she’s gettin’ a little too rowdy eh?” Applejack asked with a wink.
“Er… I suppose.”
“Mine next! Mine next!” Pinkie Pie hopped over with excitement. “I guarantee you’ll love mine, Rarity! It’s so you I was like ‘Woah! How’d I come up with this without being Rarity?’ it’s like I was right there in your mind and saw the absolute most perfectestly perfect gift I could find which was weird because being you isn’t nearly as stuffy as I thought it would be it was actually kinda neat except for the part where Opal threw up on the rug and then I was all ‘Maybe this isn’t as neat as I thought’ but then I came up with this gift and (deep breath) here it is!”
“Um, thank you.” Rarity opened the box. A stream of balloons flew out and struck her in the face. They were shaped like diamonds, a fact that escaped her notice. Underneath the balloons were seven jewel-shaped cupcakes, each with a different coloured frosting – one for each guest. “Oh, I have no doubt that these cupcakes will be delicious, Pinkie. Thank you again.”
“Um. I didn’t really know what to get you,” Fluttershy said quietly, moving forward with her gift. “So I got Opalescence something instead. I hope that isn’t too much of a bother for you.”
“Oh, Fluttershy,” laughed Rarity. “It’s not the gift, but the thought that counts. But thank you.”
Fluttershy blushed as Rarity took the gift and unwrapped it. It turned out to be a new toy mouse for Opal, stuffed to the brim with catnip. Rarity dangled it in front of Opal, who opened one eye and gazed upon the toy with disdain and boredom before going back to sleep. She let the toy drop next to the cat’s curled-up form.
“I don’t have wrapping paper for some reason, so here.” Twilight floated a leatherbound book over to Rarity. “I remembered you talking about how you wanted to learn about the creatures of pre-Celestia Equestria. Spike found I had some duplicate books, so I thought you’d enjoy this one.”
Rarity took the book, and looked at the cover. ‘THE ARCANE ARCANERY OF BEASTS’, it said above a strange symbol. “Why, thank you, Twilight. I just know I’ll enjoy reading it.”
Rainbow Dash was the only one left who hadn’t given Rarity a gift. She rubbed her raggedy mane with a hoof. “Heh, I guess I’m the only one left,” she guessed correctly. “I didn’t really know what to get you. So I just said to heck with it.” She produced a small envelope, which Rarity took.
“Well, I wonder what it is,” Rarity said as she undid the flaps. Inside was a small, gold embossed card. “Oh. It’s a membership to Equestria Fitness. Um, thank you.”
Dash put an arm around Rarity’s neck and pulled the mare toward her until she was supported entirely by Dash. “I can show you how to do barbells and treadmills and rowers and the bikes. It’ll be so awesome.”
Rarity shoved her way out of Dash’s embrace in the most elegant manner possible. “Uh… yes, of course it will. But I shan’t be coming for, errr, quite some time. I have many, many things to do, Rainbow Dash.”
“No problem,” said Dash. “It’s a lifetime membership. Just picture it: Rainbow Dash and Rarity – workout buddies forever.”
The very thought was a millstone around the neck of Rarity’s happiness. “That’s… swell.”
“Alright everypony,” Twilight said. “I think it’s time we head out to the park for Rarity’s birthday party.”
As the group bustled out of Rarity’s house Sweetie Belle and her two friends, Scootaloo and Applebloom were heading towards it.
“Oh, Sweetie Belle. Are you and your friends going to ‘hang out’?”
“Uh huh!”
“Do you think you all could be a dear and drag that ratty old sewing machine out to the trash?” Rarity smiled and batted her eyes, two surefire ways to get anypony to do what she wanted.
“Sure, Rarity!” That was Scootaloo, who came up scooting on her scooter. The whole thing was very scooty.
The fillies went into the house (minus the scooter), and set out finding the old sewing machine.
“Ugh, look at that thing,” Scootaloo said, poking it. “It’s gonna be so heavy.”
There was a crash. Applebloom tried to flip the sewing machine over so she could continue shoving it towards the door. As they went over to aid her Sweetie Belle pondered, “What if our cyunie marks are of us shoving things?”
“You think our special talent is shoving things? That’s dumb,” Scootaloo retorted.
“It is not!”
“Is too!”
“Is not!”
This sort of thing continued long after they left the room, shoving the now-broken machine to its final resting place. In the corner where the sleek chrome wonder sat, there was a strange glow.
***
Rarity’s birthday party, meanwhile, was quite the occasion. Pinkie had planned it, of course. There were clowns, jugglers, musicians; it was a beautiful spring morning… Exactly the kind of party a glamorous pony would love. However, she only received one more gift.
It was from Derpy. The blonde maned, scatterbrained pony proudly dropped a heavy box in front of Rarity. The wrapping job was not the best, to put it politely. Being a polite pony, Rarity did not bring this up, but merely smiled and unwrapped her gift.
What was her gift, you ask? It was a brick. One solitary red chipped brick. Derpy smiled, her eyes focusing on completely different things. Were Rarity any other pony, cross words would be exchanged right now. But Rarity was at her heart, a generous pony.
“It’s… unique. And lovely. Thank you, Derpy.”
“You’re welcome!” Derpy said, closing her eyes in joy at Rarity’s praise. She was still like that when she turned to walk off, and it was therefore no surprise that she ran into to Applejack, who was trying to balance a plate of full cider mugs. The predictable happened – cider went everywhere, including all over both ponies. “Sorry,” she apologised.
“No worries. T’ain’t such a big deal,” Applejack said, shoving her soaking wet hat up. “We got plenty more where that came from.” As Derpy bounded off, Applejack shook her head. “You ask me, that there mare is a few broncos short of a stampede.”
“Oh, don’t be so harsh on her, Applejack. Someponies are just… Well, um. Oh, never mind that. Here, let me help you with the cider this time.”
“Aw, shucks. Ya shouldn’t – Ah mean, it is yer birthday an’ all.”
“No, I insist. I mean, who else is going to help you?”
***
It was dark when Rarity came home. The party had stretched on to the wee hours of the night, and everyone had imbibed large amounts of cider. Despite all this, Rarity didn’t feel all that tired. When she got home, she found a note from Sweetie Belle – Spending the nite at Applebloom’s. Rarity wasn’t exactly sure why Sweetie felt the need to tell her this instead of their parents, but she didn’t mind. It would give her some time alone to read the book Twilight gave her.
With that in mind, she headed for her bedroom – stopping to make sure the old machine was thrown away and to gaze at the shiny new sewing machine. Once in bed, Rarity took out her new book and began to read. It was a big enough book, and before long Rarity began to drift off.
When she came to, there was a presence hovering over her. “Sweetie?”
“Nope! It’s your workout buddy! Y’know, Rainbow Dash?”
Rarity creaked one eye open. Words, words, words. She shoved the book off her face. Dash was hovering a few feet off the floor, smiling widely. “Oh. Uh, I’d love to do a workout with you Rainbow Dash, but I just don’t know where my membership card is-”
Dash held up a gold card. “It’s right here, Rarity! C’mon, let’s go!”
There was a long pause. Finally, Rarity forced a smile. “Very well, Rainbow Dash. I’ll do a workout with you. But only for today. I have lots of dresses to sew.” It was only a half lie. That wasn’t too bad, was it?
Ninety minutes. Ninety minutes of hell on Equestria. Rarity felt pain in muscles she didn’t even know existed until then. As for Rainbow Dash – she looked just as peppy as usual, maybe more so. She brushed a lock of mane back from her eyes, smiling at Rarity.
“Boy, that sure was a great workout, wasn’t it?”
“Ye-e-s,” Rarity said through a fake smile. That smile had become permanently etched into her face during the workout. Her eyes glanced towards the door to her house. “That workout has tired me out, Rainbow Dash. I think I’ll go home and recuperate. We’ll do this again sometime. Not very soon though, I’m afraid,” she hastened to add.
“That’s okay,” Dash said waving a hoof. “I can always get Applejack if I really feel like I need a gym partner.”
As Rainbow Dash flew off into the morning sun, Rarity stumbled through the door into her house. Home at last! She quickly shed her unfashionable sweatband, and raced as fast as her worn-out legs could take her to the sewing room.
She sat in front of the sewing table, magicked a spindle of cloth over, and prepared to feed the cloth into the sewing machine. She could never have predicted what happened next.
“I think introductions are in order before you go sticking things into my mouth,” came a voice from the general direction of the machine.
It took all of Rarity’s willpower not to faint and to get the next few words out: “Who is that? Sweetie, are you in the walls with a megaphone again?”
“I know not who this ‘Sweetie’ is, or why they would be in the walls, or even what a megaphone is. I am Arazahod, and I was imprisoned in your sewing machine by Princess Celestia millennia ago.”
“Er, this specific sewing machine? And if Princess Celestia imprisoned you, you can’t be all that good a person.”
“Thousands of years of penance change people, even I, the great Arazahod. And no, not this particular machine. I was stuck in a fizzy-pop bottle for a few centuries, and then I was an umbrella. Finally, I was trapped in a factory where your sewing machine was made.”
“Arazahod…” Rarity rolled the unfamiliar name in her tongue. “There’s something dreadfully familiar about that name.”
“No. There really isn’t.”
“I know!” Rarity clopped her hooves together. “If you really were imprisoned by Princess Celestia, that book will tell me all about you!”
“No it won’t.” As she ran off to fetch the book, Arazahod’s voice thundered through the house. “Get back here so I can possess you! I- I mean, so I can help you sew many beautiful dresses! Nothing about possession!”
Rarity flung open the book, flipping through the A’s. Akator, Albert, ah, here we go, Arazahod. Now, what does it say?
ARAZAHOD
Son of Discord
The term ‘Son of Discord’ is used in a purely metaphorical sense – Arazahod is the Son of Discord in that he was the first and most powerful of Discord’s followers. An ancient, loathsome toad daemon of the Fifth Order, and Foetid Master of the Bog Knights, Arazahod was foremost among Discord’s disciples during the great Age of Disharmony.
For many years, Arazahod terrorized the earth-ponies and unicorns of the south. A brave warrior, for whom the city of San Anponyo was named, fought Arazahod to a standstill during the Siege of Casket Bog. But not even San Anponyo himself could defeat the daemon.
After Discord was defeated using the Elements of Harmony, Arazahod and his fellow Discordians were chased out of Equestria. Princess Celestia herself destroyed Arazahod’s physical body, and dispelled his spirit upon the night wind.
There is a yearly celebration in San Anponyo where a great effigy of Arazahod is made, and residents pelt it with stale donuts. The exact reasoning behind this tradition is unknown, but esteemed scholar Professor Blackboard theorised that San Anponyo’s favourite treat was sugar donuts and this celebration commemorates the fact that San Anponyo’s body was indigestible due to its high blood sugar. Modern day scholars, however, dispute this fact.
See also: Discord, Age of Disharmony, Bog Knights, Orders of Daemons, San Anponyo, donuts (stale)
Rarity shut the book with a gasp. She was frozen with fear – not only was her sewing machine possessed, it was possessed by a demon who was Discord’s right hand man, er, toad. What would she do?
A plan formed in her mind. Grabbing a fancy looking necklace, she laid it on her neck and ran back down and into the sewing room. The machine had dropped to the floor, and was apparently eating (don’t ask how) Opal’s new toy.
“Oh, you’re back,” Arazahod said, his voice muffled, possibly due to the catnip mouse caught in his needle. “I guess you found out who I am?”
“Well, yes. And I shan’t stand for such a vile creature in my house! I am Rarity, and I hold one of the Elements of Harmony!” She gestured to her necklace. “Behold – the Element of Generosity!”
“Generosity?” The demonic sewing machine spat out the toy remains. “Generosity or Foolishness? You let your little friends run all over you. You got nothing you wanted for your birthday. You got forced into doing something you didn’t want to do. What’s generous about that?”
Rarity scowled. “There’s nothing foolish about making your friends happy. A true friend knows that birthdays are about spending time together, and being happy, not about gifts.” She took a step closer. “And I’m grateful that Rainbow Dash took me to do a workout. I needed it. I can’t do nothing but make dresses all day long. I need to get out, stretch my legs.” Dear Princess Celestia…
Arazahod had nothing to say to that. Instead, he glowed. The diamond-shaped balloons floated over to him, and wrapped their cords around his chrome body. “Watch out Ponyville! Arazahod’s mobile, baby!” The demon’s glow intensified, and he floated upwards, and then shot out of Rarity’s house, making a hole in the wall.
She stood there, staring at the hole for a while. Sweetie Belle came up to the hole while she was doing this, and looked in. “Rarity? Are you renovating your house?” she asked, struggling with the word renovate.
Chaos reigned in Ponyville, if chaos could be defined as ‘small but heavy sewing machine being propelled by magic and three straining balloon tries unsuccessfully to knock things over’. Arazahod had seen better days, even if his sleek chrome form was a vast improvement over his nasty fat blobbish form.
Most ponies were standing around, staring at Arazahod trying to knock things down. Some were taking bets on what he could or couldn’t knock over, and others were passing out popcorn. The only ponies that were panicked in any way about the demon sewing machine were the Flowers – Roseluck, Daisy, and Lily. But they panicked so much their cutie marks should have been a screaming pony.
Roseluck ran by Rarity, yelling “The end of days! The end of days!” Rarity glowered at her, and continued on towards the glowing shape of the sewing machine.
“Arazahod!” shouted the glamorous unicorn. She had a rope with lovely designs on it coiled around her neck, and a full saddlebag slung over one side. Arazahod paused in his attempts to overturn Applejack’s fruit stand and turned to face her. Applejack stood nearby, one eyebrow raised as she tried to figure out what was going on.
“Your pathetic hoof-made structures fall to the might of Arazahod!” bellowed the demon, as he knocked over a basket of apples. “Yes! I am your god now!”
“Uh, Rarity… What in tarnation is goin’ on here? This l’il feller is actin’ like a jackrabbit on a dose ’a peyote.” Applejack turned from the triumphant fruit-conquering Arazahod to Rarity. She noticed the unicorn had that beautiful lasso coiled ’round her neck. “An’ is that the lasso I got yah for yer birthday?”
“Oh! Why, yes. Yes it is.” Rarity blushed slightly, and adjusted the lasso slightly. “And that unsightly creature was the sewing machine Sweetie Belle got me. But now it thinks it is Arazahod, general of Discord’s army.”
“Oh, yeah? If’n he’s Discord’s general, where was he when we turned ol’ Discord back into stone?”
“Turned Discord to stone?” Arazahod asked, pausing as he drifted over to terrorise a fountain. “Ridiculous. Everyone knows He wouldn’t let Himself be turned to stone. Now, solid chocolate. That He would allow anyone to turn Him into.”
“We did turn Discord to stone!” Rarity pouted a bit, stomping her hoof. “It really happened, and we’ll do the same to you! Applejack, I need you to get Twilight Sparkle. And Rainbow Dash. And Fluttershy. And Pinkie Pie. And Spike too, if he really has to come.”
“What’s that about me?” Pinkie asked, popping out from under a stall. “Oh, hey, you tied your balloons to that pretty new sewing machine. Why is it glowing?”
“It is glowing, because I, Arazahod desire it to! And I am not pretty! I am redolent in chaos!”
“I don’t think that word means what you think it means,” Rarity said, grasping her lasso in her mouth.
“Redolent means what I want it to mean! What does it currently mean, so I may decide upon a new meaning?”
“It means THIS!” shouted Rarity, flinging the lasso at Arazahod. The rope landed limply on Arazahod’s frame.
“Uh, Rarity. Yer supposed t’ make a loop b’fore tryin’ to lasso summat. Here, gimme the lasso an’ I’ll show yah how it’s done.” Applejack took the rope, pulled it back in, did something Rarity couldn’t quite make out, and flung the lasso at Arazahod. She succeeded where the unicorn had failed.
Pulling back on the lasso, Applejack slowly began to drag the sewing machine toward her. Arazahod began vibrating, his internal motors turned on all the way. “It is a fool’s errand to attempt to wrangle me-” There was a crack and something small blew open a hole in his top, and popped two of his balloons.
The small, circular object landed near Rarity’s hooves. She leaned down to inspect it. It was one of the buttons Fluttershy had used as eyes for Opal’s cat toy. Somehow Arazahod had eaten it, and it had gotten stuck in a motor, being propelled skyward when he shifted them into overdrive.
Arazahod fell, crashing to the pavement. His bottom broke apart, scattering itself across the road. “You popped my balloons! I named them! I named them all!”
Rarity walked over to the machine, and stood, towering over him. Her horn glowed, and out of her saddlebag floated her final gift. One solitary, chipped red brick. She brought it down with magically enhanced force, and obliterated Arazahod’s chrome shell. A burst of purple flame rose from the remains, disintegrating both the sewing machine and the brick.
It was done. Arazahod was dead, the last of his spirit dispelled permanently. Rarity fell backward on her rump, thoroughly exhausted. Ponies were gathering around her, all eager to schmooze with the savior of Ponyville.
Pinkie popped up next to Rarity, putting one arm around her. “You beat him, Rarity! You know what that means?”
“I go home and sleep for a week?” Rarity asked, her voice lilting hopefully at the end.
“No, silly! It means we throw a ‘Rarity Saved Ponyville’ party!”
“… I don’t have to go, do I?”
“Uh, yeah! It is a ‘Rarity Saved Ponyville’ party after all!”
Another party. Clowns. Jugglers. Musicians. The exact type of party an exhausted, glamorous pony would hate.
As Rarity stood on wobbly legs trying to stay conscious, she was vaguely aware that Derpy had shown up and was staring crossly at her. “Is there a problem, Derpy?” Rarity asked, magicking another cup of cider off a passing tray.
“Yeah there’s a problem,” Derpy said, and for once, both her eyes were focused on the same thing – Rarity. “That brick I gave you exploded or something.”
“Yes. Yes it did,” Rarity replied, remembering it quite vividly.
“You blew up my brick.”
“Um, yes.”
“You were supposed to break it open. There were all sorts of jewels and stuff in there. Spike helped me come up with the idea.”
“Er. I’m… sorry?” Rarity offered lamely, as Derpy walked off in a huff. Another pony came up while Rarity was still staring after the pegasus. “Yes?” she asked absent-mindedly staring at Derpy.
“I just wanted to say how proud I am of you for defending your friends and home,” came a soft, regal voice.
Rarity’s eyes widened, and her head snapped back. Princess Celestia stood there, long multicoloured mane flowing. She prostrated herself in front of the royal alicorn, who laughed softly.
“Stand up, Rarity.” She did so. “If I had known sooner that a piece of Arazahod yet lived, I would have tracked it down and destroyed it. But we’re all lucky that you were as brave as you were. Do you know what type of reward I’m going to give a brave pony like you?”
“Lots and lots of sleep?” suggested Rarity hopefully.
Princess Celestia did that soft laugh again. “Oh, no, Rarity. I’m awarding you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I want you to make three of my royal outfits.”
“Well, my sewing mach-” The full realisation of what had just happened struck Rarity.
Three royal outfits.
No sewing machine.
She fainted.
