Chapters Most ponies call me crazy. They don’t say it to my face, but I know they say it when they think I’m not looking. I don’t need to hear them – their faces tell me all I need to know. I’ve tried calling them out on it a few times, but all that ever got me was embarrassment.
Was it my fault that I had a hobby? Actually, let me rephrase that…
Was it a bad thing that I had a hobby? I’ll admit, it’s a little unorthodox, and perhaps I have the tendency to get a little obsessive at times, but does that automatically make it a bad thing? Does that automatically make me a crazy pony?
Apparently, according to my neighbors, the answer would be somewhere in the affirmative.
Today, though, as I walked through the streets of Ponyville, I ignored all the fleeting stares and almost-whispers that had absolutely nothing to do with the mask I was wearing. I had a goal in mind, and this time, it was more important than making a grocery run (it was still a close second, though. Food’s important, you know!).
As I neared my destination, I kept one eye out for anypony watching me. If what I was about to do would get me in trouble, I didn’t want one of Celestia’s spies to be able to report that I was there, lest she decide to put me down silently, never to be heard from again.
Perhaps I was a fool, then, to seek the aid of her personal student for my little project. It was a necessary risk, though, because there wasn’t another unicorn I knew that matched her talent and raw ability. If my plan was going to succeed, I was going to need that.
I approached the entrance to Twilight’s library. I opened the door, entered, and closed it again, all without breaking stride. I reached the middle of the floor and stopped. There was nopony in the main room.
“Twilight?” I called, my voice bouncing off every surface as it was carried through the building. I could almost hear the silence itself being shattered like a large skylight hit by a small boulder. I almost felt bad about it.
As quickly as it was dispersed, the silence came back, mending itself with inequine speed. I perked my ears, listening for any signs of movement. A few seconds passed. Nothing.
I called again, and again marveled at the silence’s uncanny ability to repair itself in almost no time at all. This time, though, its re-emergence was short lived. From the back of the library came the almost inaudible sounds of hoofsteps, and they were getting closer.
I smiled. My trip wasn’t wasted, after all. After a few more moments, the door to the rest of the hollowed-out tree opened to reveal a lavender unicorn standing there. When she spotted me, her look changed to one of confusion. I wondered why.
“Lyra? What’s with the mask?”
I whipped off my store-bought clown mask and looked out the windows to make sure nopony was watching. There was a possibility that I could convince Twilight to stay quiet, but a snitch? I didn’t want to take any chances.
“Never mind that now.” I said, using my magic to close the blinds around the room. You could never be too careful. “I need your help with something.”
Whatever hesitation she had gotten from my behavior seemed to vanish at those words. I could always count on Twilight, even when my requests were a little…unusual.
“Something about humans, I presume? What is it this time, another portal?” She was mocking me. It was uncalled for, really. I only tried the portals twice. This time, my plan had nothing to do with other dimensions, theoretical or otherwise. I would have told her that if I hadn’t already used that excuse to convince her to make the second portal.
I pretended to ignore the comment as I continued. “First you gotta promise not to tell the princess.”
She rolled her eyes. At this point, she’s come to expect that request, but she has no idea how important it is.
“Fine,” she said, “I promise. Now, what is it this time?”
I steeled myself. I hadn’t uttered my plan aloud in private, let alone tell someone else about it before.
“I want to make a human.”
She froze. This wasn’t my usual request of an inter-dimensional portal or screwing with pony anatomy to make fingers.
“Lyra, the last time you tried that, you barely escaped the mob.”
I shook my head. “No, not me , a new human. From scratch!”
She frowned. Her face showed more hesitation than usual. I was probably going to have to try extra hard to convince her this time.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” came her usual question.
“I haven’t tried it, yet. How should I know?” came my usual answer.
Twilight sighed her usual sigh. “I’ll take a look into it, but there’s no guarantee I’ll find anything.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Twi! I’ll come back next week, then.” I waved goodbye and left for home.
We had almost fallen into a routine by this point. Every time I got an idea to further my human research that required magic expertise, I’d come to her. She usually took about a week to come up with anything conclusive. Whether it was a way to perform whatever feat I had conjured up or proof that it was impossible depended on the situation.
I allowed myself a smile. It was so simple! If I couldn’t bring myself to the humans, then I could bring the humans to me! Sure, there would be the lack of human culture, but anatomy was better than nothing.
I opened the door to the house Bon Bon and I shared. She was a pretty cool mare. We met a while back, and I moved in with her about…has it been a year already? Wow, I guess time flies when you’re researching humans.
She was sitting at the table when I walked in, and her head was slumped in her hoof. It wasn’t soon after that she noticed my smile.
“What is it this time, another portal?” Was it really that obvious that I had visited Twilight? More importantly, why did everypony keep asking me that?!
I scoffed at her. “I’ll have you know it’s nothing of the sort!” She just rose her eyebrow at me.
“It’s not!” I insisted again. Honestly, it’s like nopony believes me, sometimes.
“So you being happy has nothing to do with humans?” she challenged.
“I didn’t say that.” I sure as hay wasn’t going to give her a straight answer, not after doubting me like that.
She facehoofed. “Honestly, Lyra, when is this going to stop?”
I gave her a confused look. “When is what going to stop?” Silly Bon Bon, you’re going to have to be more specific than that!
She waved her hooves about in exasperation. “This whole ‘human’ thing! You’ve talked about it nonstop ever since we’ve met and it’s only gotten worse since you moved in! It’s getting ridiculous!”
“It is not!” It wasn’t my fault humans were so interesting!
“Do I even have to mention the angry mob?”
“That was only that one time!”
“Know what?” she sighed, “Fine. If your latest scheme isn’t some crazy portal, then what is it?”
Wait, why was she suddenly interested in what I was doing? Normally she didn’t hear about my plans until after they failed (that sounded better in my head). Did something change?
My thoughts were rudely interrupted by my stomach growling at me with impatience. “Can I tell you over dinner?”
“So, wait. Let me make sure I have this straight.” Bon Bon shook her head as we were putting up the last of the dishes. “You decided you would just make a human? Out of thin air?”
“Well, I guess not out of thin air. The matter’s gotta come from somewhere , right?” I was starting to see a few holes in my plan. Wait, that’s what I had Twilight for.
Bon Bon shook her head again. “You said you were seeing Twilight again in a week, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah…” I was still a little uncertain about her sudden interest, but she had listened so far, instead of simply dismissing what I had to say.
She shook her head for the third time. Was something wrong? “Well, I’m gonna write a quick letter, then I’m off to bed. It’s getting late.”
I looked out the window to see the last bits of a sunset. Was it that late already? I guess time flies when you’re researching humans.
I bid her goodnight, then went to my own room for the night, ignoring the nagging feeling I was getting.
About ten minutes later, I was still awake, despite my efforts to fall asleep. My mind refused to rest, constantly telling me something was amiss. What, though, I couldn’t figure out. The only thing that I could think of was Bon Bon’s sudden interest in my research endeavors.
There was also that letter she mentioned. As far as I knew, she didn’t have any pen pals or relatives she regularly wrote to. And the timing…
My eyes widened. No, it couldn’t be. Not Bon Bon. But, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. My breath caught.
Bon Bon was one of Celestia’s spies.
I lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling as I mulled over the implications. Was Bon Bon a plant? If so, for how long? Since we met? Since I moved in?
No, that didn’t make sense. If she were watching me for that long, she would’ve been sending information the whole time, not just recently.
Unless she’s just been more secretive about the letters until today.
…I was going to have to think about this before I confronted her.
The next morning, I was awoken by an earthquake.
At least, that’s what my dream interpreted it as. Somewhere in the middle of it all, I heard somepony calling my name. I ignored it, though. I was too busy with my Piratey Killing Spree.
The earthquake became more intense, and the voice called my name again, louder this time.
“Yarr…five more minutes…matey…” I mumbled out to the voice. Didn’t it know there was plunder to be had?
Suddenly the earthquake stopped, as did the voice yelling my name. Once again on stable hoofing, I returned my gaze to the stragglers before me.
“Alright, ye scallywags,” I said to them, “Show me where the loot is, and I may consider sparing yer lives!” If my gaze wasn’t striking fear into them, then my awesome hat and eye patch combo certainly was.
“Yes, er, cap’n!” the lead stallion said. He was brown with an hourglass cutie mark and one of them educated accents. Probably the ship’s navigator, or something. I motioned for him to lead the way.
We were making good time over the land. The pirate ponies in front of me were starting to get nervous. We were getting close. The brown one with the funny accent stopped at the crest of a hill and turned to me. He opened his mouth to speak, but instead of words escaping his sorry muzzle, out came a wail pitched high enough to boil the seven seas.
I shut my eyes, trying to block out the sound, but to no avail. After a few moments, it stopped, and I dared a peek at my surroundings.
It was gone. All of it. The ponies leading the way, the soil underneath my hooves – even me ship back at the shore had gone missin’, all replaced by the sight of my room and a very angry-looking roommate. Yarr…
I blinked a few times to clear my vision. After I was able to get a clear look at her, I noticed a cylinder in her hooves.
“An air horn? Really, Bon Bon?” That wasn’t fair at all.
She smiled at my expense. “I guess I should be thanking you, really. I was beginning to think I was never going to get the chance to use this.” I resisted the urge to scowl at her.
Instead, I groaned and lay my head back down. “What do you even want from me, this early?”
“I need you to run and get some groceries.” Making me do chores? I was gonna give her a piece of my mind.
“Why can’t you do it?”
“Because I went last time, remember?” Curses, foiled again!
“Oh, yeah…that was a nice nap.” I put on a goofy smile. I blame my drowsy state.
“Now , Lyra!” She poked me in the side. It kinda hurt a little…
“Fine, I’m up…” I grumbled and started to roll off my bed. As I neared the edge, gravity got impatient and decided I might like to taste the floor. Oh, how wrong it was. My room wasn’t exactly the cleanest.
“Come on.” Bon Bon nudged my ribs again. Why was everything so impatient? I could get things done! Just at my own pace…
I grumbled again, this time pretty incoherently, as I forced my legs to wake up and raise their master off the bad-tasting floor.
Bon Bon started tapping her hoof.
Oh, how I hated that. She knew I hated it, too.
I took my time to stretch, doing my best to annoy her back. I swear I sounded like a fireworks stand catching fire. Speaking of fireworks, Nightmare Night was coming up in a month…
She started tapping harder.
“I’m going, I’m going!” I groaned, walking out my bedroom door and grabbing my saddlebags on the way. Now that I was awake, I noticed she was a little more eager than usual for me to get out of the house.
I let that thought sink in as I headed out the front door. I had also left her in my room. Was she going to go through my stuff? Would she look for stuff to report? Should I confront her?
No, I decided. The evidence I had, while convincing, wasn’t concrete. If I was going to call her out on it, I’d need a solid case…and the more she thought I wasn’t on to her, the more mistakes she was liable to make. Luckily, I didn’t go any more than a block before it hit me…
…I had forgotten the grocery list.
Oops~!
I turned and headed back, thankful I hadn’t realized it any later. As I entered the front door again, I didn’t see her in the living room, so I called out. “Bon Bon?”
I heard a muted “Eep!”, followed by a hesitant “Yeah?” coming from…my room?
“Where’s the shopping list?” I had already been gone a couple minutes. What was she still doing back there? And just how many times had this been going on without me knowing?!
“It’s, uh…it’s on the counter next to the sink.” She called back. I looked, and there it was.
This was pre-meditated.
“Alright, thanks.” I grabbed the list and headed back out. I’d leave her there for now. For all I knew, she could’ve been dusting the bed or combing the windows (as if cleaning my room was a worthwhile endeavor). I was gonna need to catch her in the act, one that couldn’t be turned around like that.
I was about halfway through the list. I had just purchased the lettuce, so next came the asparagus. I started looking for a stall that had them, but instead my gaze landed on a purple mare rushing at me.
“Hey, Twilight!” I waved a hoof at her as she closed the distance.
“Hey, Lyra,” she said, panting a little, “I’m glad I caught you out here, actually. I found a spell that could work, but it uses a ritual.”
I wasn’t stupid (despite what my neighbors think). I certainly didn’t have Twilight’s level of training and knowledge, but I at least knew the basics when it came to magic. Rituals were used in older spells, ones that required a ton of energy to cast. This came out of necessity. Otherwise, the energy used would easily knock out the caster, or in a few cases, even kill them.
They usually required ingredients for some mixture or another, and more often than not, at least one of them was incredibly hard to get. All of the books claimed they were rare because of their magical properties, but I figured it was just so the unicorns of old could send adventurous ponies out on dangerous quests for their general amusement.
“Well, you should be able to get most of the stuff here.” I gestured to the innumerable stalls surrounding the market. Most of the ingredients for those rituals tended to be inconspicuous, everyday items. Probably to add to the frustration of only those one or two other ingredients being hard to get.
“Well, some of them, at least.” She finally managed to catch her breath. “It’s going to take me a bit to get the rest of them, though. I think I should be able to get them within the week.”
I broke out in a smile. “That’s great! Thanks for telling me!” I was gonna get my human sooner than I expected! I wondered if I was going to be able to teach it any tricks?
“I still need your help, though.” How dare she interrupt my euphoria rush?
“Yeah, what?” The sooner I could get my human, the better!
“You know those books about humans you checked out forever ago and never returned?” Was that where those came from? I couldn’t remember.
“I…think?” I said with hesitation.
“Well, those were all the books on the subject that the library had. While I’m getting the ingredients, could you look into them and find any information concerning their anatomy? I’ll need a good idea of what they’re supposed to look like for the spell.”
Had I really checked out all the human books? Thinking back, I remembered that yes, I had. I only looked into one or two of them after that for some reason, though…
“Lyra?”
“Huh?” What were we talking about? Oh, right, research. “Oh, yeah, I can do that. No problem!”
She smiled and turned to leave. “Great. I’ll swing by when I’ve got everything ready.”
“Alright, cool.” I waved goodbye as she left.
The rest of my shopping went by in a blur. Within the week! I couldn’t believe it. All I had to do was look through the books I had apparently borrowed a while back.
I frowned. There were at least a good dozen books, if I remembered correctly. Then there was the part of actually finding the things. I think I had shoved them under my bed or something…
I waltzed in the front door, not even bothering with knocking or announcing my presence. I was on Cloud Nine, and by Luna (the sister who didn’t try to covertly silence ponies), I was going to enjoy it!
I headed to my room, levitating my vegetable-stocked saddlebags to the table as an afterthought. I entered my room, ready to start looking. I had my work cut out for me, really. I was fully prepared to turn my room upside-down, too.
Except they weren’t under my bed.
They were resting right on top, in neat piles.
Those books weren’t supposed to be there.
I didn’t put them there, so why were they there? Then it hit me.
Bon Bon.
I stomped out of my room, ready to unload on her for invading my privacy. I stopped once I got out the door, though. Would bringing this up compromise my ‘ignorance’ ploy?
After a moment, I decided it wouldn’t. Not if I chose my words right, at least. But I couldn’t just barge in there. I’d have to get her guard down first – have her pre-occupied with something else so she couldn’t come up with a cover-up very easily.
I glanced around randomly, trying to think of something. My eyes rested on the clock for a split second before moving to something else. I did a double take. ’11:00’.
I smiled. I had a plan.
About three-quarters of an hour later, I had two decent-sized salads made from the fresh vegetables, ripe for the eating.
“Hey, Bon Bon!” I shouted, “Want some lunch?”
She poked her head out of her bedroom door. “You made lunch? Seriously?”
“It’s not that big of a surprise, is it?” Frankly, I was a little insulted.
“Well, kind of. Usually, you just yell at me to make you something for lunch.”
“I do not!” I scoffed indignantly. How dare she! “I just ask really loudly!”
“Uh huh…” Her tone told me she didn’t believe a word.
Wait, she wanted me to catch that! I couldn’t let her win, though. I was the better mare. I wouldn’t lose to her mind games, and if I wanted my current plan to work at all, I had to get her to eat in the first place.
That meant I had to play nice…ugh. Well, for the sake of exposing Bon Bon, it was worth it. It didn’t mean I had to like it, though!
Wait, yes it did…GAH!
“Whatever.” I grumbled as I took a seat. I sure as hay wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of saying she was right if I didn’t have to.
I took a bite of my salad, inviting her to do the same. At first, after taking her own seat, she seemed a bit wary of the bowl of randomly assorted veggies in front of her. Whether she thought my cooking was poisonous, or was looking for booby traps, I couldn’t tell.
Or maybe she knew I was up to something.
I was going to have to go about this carefully.
I looked up at her as I finished my bit of lettuce. She still hadn’t touched hers, yet.
“Well?” I said, gesturing to her bowl, “Mangia !” Foreign words are fun.
She looked back down to her bowl of greens, and hesitantly took a piece out. She closed her eyes, bracing for some unknown impact as she took a bite. After she didn’t start gasping for breath or passing out, she took another bite, more relaxed this time.
I smiled. I had her.
‘Winners don’t use drugs.’
I’m not sure where I heard that phrase, but I still find myself agreeing with it. Take my current situation, for instance. If some crazy spy or other dishonest pony were in my position, they would’ve tried some sort of truth serum or potion. I admit it can help the situation, and in hindsight, I probably should’ve used some, myself.
Nonetheless, it’s unfair. It’s practically cheating. It takes true skill to interrogate the enemy without the help of such substances.
So what, you ask, was I doing, giving my prey a bowl of leafy greens with no traces of tainting?
Duh, winning!
Well, that, and the fact that I wouldn’t know the first place to look should I attempt to acquire such a thing.
“So, Bon Bon…” I tried, attempting to make a conversation. We were both about halfway done with our food, so it was now or never.
“Yeah?” she looked up from her bowl to me. She had her guard down enough to have a conversation with me. Good.
“What were those books doing on my bed?” I asked casually. No specifics. Just ‘books’ and ‘bed’. I couldn’t let her know that I had taken the time to read the covers, let alone that I knew what they were about.
Her eyes widened. Just barely, almost imperceptibly, but it was enough.
“I was…cleaning your room.” You should’ve heard how fake she sounded. She even had a sheepish smile to match. It was almost laughable. I didn’t, though. That would’ve blown my cover.
“Why the sudden interest in keeping my room clean?” Perfect poker face. Of course, it consisted of a confused stare because that’s what the situation called for, but it was a poker face nonetheless.
“Are you complaining?” Horseapples. My room was a mess, among other labels, and we both knew it. It was practically a rats’ nest in there (it actually was, at one point, but that’s a different story).
“Well, no,” I tried to dodge her counter-argument, “But you usually don’t come in there with so much as a broom, after that one time.” We never saw Mr. Dusty again after that fateful day.
“Is it a crime to want my house clean, now?” I was losing her.
“No, I just want a little privacy!”
“I’ve hardly even been in your room these past months! Besides, I’d imagine that you wouldn’t exactly mind me being in your bedroom.” Oh, she did not go there.
She rose her eyebrow at me.
Oh, she went there, all right. She underestimated me, though. I was not defenseless!
“You would imagine that. Though, next time, maybe you should consider the possibility that I don’t share your fantasies.” HA! Right back at-
…Uh-oh…
You know that look a pony gets when something gets them so mad that they just kinda stare at you? That mixture of shock and rage as their brain tries to process it? That’s what was on Bon Bon’s face right now.
In my defense, she ‘went there’ first.
I expected violence. I expected shouting and berating and possibly even the dreaded Spray Bottle.
What I did not expect was her calm tone.
She glanced at the clock. “As enjoyable as this has been, I must get going. I arranged to meet Twilight after lunch today.” Bon Bon got up and left without another word.
I just sat there. I was not expecting that reaction at all. If anything, I was prepared to have a bruise for a week.
In the end, I hadn’t gotten her to confess anything. In fact, I think I only made her mad. You don’t live with a mare for a year and simply not pick up on that kind of thing. That’s when another thought hit me out of left field.
What was she going to see Twilight for?
I thought about it. Maybe I could get some proof of her being a spy. After all, all I really had going for me at the moment was that she was in my room.
I shook my head to break out of my thoughts. If I wanted proof, I was gonna have to get it the hard way.
Stopping only to get the ninja mask out of my room, I trotted out the door to follow my roommate-slash-spy.
Being a ninja is all about stealth. It’s about remaining unseen and unheard as you complete some objective without detection.
If you’re a less-than-perfect ninja, there’s a chance you might mess up and draw attention, which is why you always carry throwing stars.
Why, oh why did I not bring my throwing stars?
Because I didn’t have any. Right…
That brought me to a much better question: Why didn’t I have any throwing stars?
Because I kept forgetting to buy some. Horseapples. Well, it was too late now, anyway.
I ran from rooftop to rooftop, the thatched surfaces playing tartarus with my hooves. How did I get to the roofs? I walljumped like a freaking badflank.
Though, the failed first attempt did leave a nasty bruise…
That wasn’t the point, though. The point was that I was going out as a ninja without any throwing stars. That limited me to sneaking and eavesdropping. I could work with that.
Now to actually re-locate Bon Bon…
Ah, there she was, in the market. She was talking to the local apple farmer. Applesmack, I think her name was. Question was, what was she doing talking to a farmer if she were going to Twilight?
She purchased a couple apples and continued down the road in the direction of the library. Of course! It was all an act. Ponies were less likely to suspect her if she looked like she were just making a shopping run, instead of heading directly to a specific destination.
I followed her for another block or two before I noticed a major problem.
I had to cross a street.
I glanced back at Bon Bon. I was going to lose her if I didn’t find a way across soon. Even though I knew her ultimate destination, who was to say she wouldn’t see anypony else along the way? For that matter, who was to say she was actually going to the library? Spies are sneaky, you know.
I panicked. She was about to walk out of my line of sight. Thinking and acting quickly, I jumped down to a nearby tent cover, using it as a sort of makeshift trampoline to lessen my downward momentum by the time I hit the ground.
Ignoring the shouts and legal threats directed at me by the stall’s owner, I dashed into the alleyway on the other side of the road. I briefly considered returning to the rooftops before the bruise on my face decided to remind me of its presence.
Yeah, I wasn’t doing that again.
The alley wasn’t perfect, but at least I could somewhat keep an eye on my target from a distance. We continued on like this for a while, her faking a blissful trot in the afternoon sun, me dashing from cover to cover in a so-far-succeeding attempt at staying hidden. I thanked the mask for that. Ninjas were awesome.
So were pirates. I started to wonder which group would win in a battle between the two when a knocking sound snapped me out of my thoughts. I pushed the notion aside for later and looked to see Bon Bon at the door of the library.
It wasn’t until I saw the two mares side-by-side that a small, nagging thought I had previously decided to hit me full force. I had Twilight promise not to tell the princess anything. I knew she would stay true to her word, but what I hadn’t done was have her promise not to tell Bon Bon.
It all came crashing down around me. Twilight could easily tell Bon Bon about my latest human plan, and then Bon Bon would tell the princess, herself! Twilight didn’t have to break her promise! She could tell the princess by proxy!
They started talking. This was bad.
I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying from this distance, but I saw Bon Bon follow Twilight back into the library. That just wouldn’t do.
After the door had completely shut, I dashed to a bush beside the library that was also under a window. Opening the window a sliver with my magic, I perked my ear upwards to listen in.
“…you have anything in mind?” Twilight asked.
“I don’t know, yet. I just really want her to scream when she sees it, you know?”
A half-million scenarios (most of them bad for me) flooded my head. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, though, so I listened a bit more.
“I think I might have an idea,” Twilight trailed a bit, “Follow me.”
I heard four pairs of hooves get fainter as they presumably walked to the back area of the library. I bet that Vinyl would’ve liked the beat it made.
Aware that I wasn’t getting any more information, I pulled my head down and tried to process this new information.
Bon Bon was gonna try something, that much was obvious. The part about wanting me to scream had dire implications, though. Did it have something to do with me wanting to make a human?
At first, I dismissed the idea. Even if she had sent the letter yesterday, it would’ve only gotten there today, and the response would get here tomorrow at the earliest.
That’s when I remembered Spike. Bon Bon could’ve easily brought the letter with her, and had the little dragon send it, bypassing the post and arriving right in front of the princess’s face. Then, they could easily get a reply containing instructions within a matter of minutes.
Oh, dear.
What if Celestia caught wind of my plans? What would her response be? Would she want me killed, or imprisoned? My eyes widened a bit at the next question. How was Bon Bon going to go about it?
Suddenly, it clicked. She wanted me to scream, all right. Scream in agony, or maybe fear. She was going to try to put me down, I could tell, and any hesitation she would’ve had was most likely wiped away due to what happened at lunch. I could almost imagine it.
I sat in the living room, with a jumble of sketches scattered around me. They all more or less resembled the pictures in the books I had borrowed, some better than others.
Most of them were based on the most interesting part of the human: the hand. It was so simple, yet the possibilities were staggering – and that was only the ones I could theorize! Even with nothing but theories and sketches, I could tell a number of Equestrian inventions would be easier to use with them. Shovels and doorknobs, for example.
I was preparing to make yet another sketch when the front door suddenly burst open. I looked up from my books and saw that the wall behind the door had cracked from the impact. That didn’t scare me as much as what I saw in the door, though.
My heart skipped a beat. Inside the doorframe was my roomie, Bon Bon. I would’ve welcomed her if it weren’t for the fact that one eye was severely dilated, and the other was twitching feverently. Behind her, standing on the welcome mat, was a full-size guillotine. The angle of the blade caused the sun to shine right into my eyes with a clarity that only comes from hours of diligent polishing. I did what any self-respecting mare would do in that situation.
I freaked.
I leapt off the couch and ran through the kitchen, towards the set of stairs to the loft that was furthest from Bon Bon, and, coincidentally, closest to my bedroom door, screaming the entire way. During that time, Bon Bon had managed to pull the guillotine through the doorframe, as well as some of the wall above it. I cursed Celestia for giving earth ponies so much natural strength.
Part of me took solace in the fact that Bon Bon would have to pay for the damages, in the end, but the rest of me was too scared to really care.
I made it to my room and shut the door behind me, magically shoving my bedframe up against it for stability. They say ponies can find a sudden strength when put in life-threatening situations. Unfortunately, I had the opportunity to realize this was true. I shoved a few more pieces of furniture up against the impromptu barricade before leaning against it myself, trying to control my breathing.
As silence prevailed over my room, my heart was stuck in a vice grip as the steady THUMP… THUMP… THUMP... of Bon Bon’s murder instrument colliding with the stairs on its way up served as a countdown to my death.
To my dismay, Bon Bon eventually ran out of stairs and gently knocked on the door, calling out in an eerily calm voice tainted with mania.
“Oh, Lyra~…Can you come out for a minute? I just wanna talk…” Her emphasis on that last word sent a chill down my spine as she waited for my response.
Right. Like I was that stupid.
“Lyra, if you don’t come on out, I’ll have to force the door open. You know that, right?” In her current state of mind, I wouldn’t put it past her to make good on that threat. Realizing that that would send almost 200 pounds of furniture my way when it happened, I abandoned my spot at the front of the barricade and positioned myself perpendicular to Bon Bon’s line of fire, closer to the closet.
Again, I remained silent.
“Alriiiight…three…”
I heard her turning around.
“Two…”
A bit of shuffling as she steadied herself on her front legs.
“One!”
The door and all my furniture (my poor bedframe!) was reduced to splinters. Again, I cursed Celestia for Earth Ponies’ natural strength. Bon Bon’s head poked around the new opening, and her cheshire grin did nothing to help my panic.
Nor my bladder, I’m embarrassed to admit.
I screamed for all I was worth as Bon Bon ruined yet another doorframe with her accursed guillotine. Not once did she take her eyes off me.
“You know, Lyra, I actually tried to save you all this time. Each repeated instance of me telling you to stop pursuing the whole ‘Human’ thing was me trying to protect your sorry flank. Celestia’s finally decided you’re starting to become dangerous with what you know, and unfortunately, it falls to me to fix that. It was nice knowing you, Lyra. I always did kinda like you.”
In my panic, I forgot all about my horn and magic capacity as she grabbed my head and threaded it through the hole on her murder weapon. I choked on my tears as I looked up at her, pleading.
“Bon Bon, please, don’t do this…”
“Sorry, Lyra. Rest in pieces.”
She pulled the cord.
Black.
So apparently I could imagine it. Quite vividly, in fact. I took that as a sign that it was more likely to happen.
I shook my head as I returned to reality. How long was I out for? How much time did I have left?
The time for games was over, whether Bon Bon knew it or not. I was going to have to fight for my life against whatever plan Bon Bon managed to come up with. With the backing of a princess, who knew what she could conjure up?
A counter-plan started forming in my head, and I started making a mental list of supplies I would need. Even in the early stages, I could tell it would get extensive. Already, I knew I was going to need plastic spoons and a marshmallow gun.
And eggs. Lots and lots of eggs.
War…
War never changes.
It’s always two sides, and a battlefield. Both sides trying to defeat the other, whether it be out of self-defense or an attempt at dominance.
Two competitors. One victor. No exceptions.
It was with great sorrow that I found myself on the side of self-defense.
When I had gotten home, I immediately knew I was going to need a base of operations. A point to hold out from. I decided to try and clean out my room for once, and it had since proved more than adequate. I even found a second mate to accompany me in these grave and desperate times. It was a homemade Human doll I had stitched together a couple years back. I had always wondered what had happened to Humie, but now he was safe (relatively), and I knew he would stand by me until the bitter end.
I was now stationed behind my barricade, a sturdy thing constructed of pillows and cardboard in the space of my doorway. I was outfitted with my marshmallow gun, fully loaded, and had prepared five extra clips, just in case. I also had a bucket from the kitchen sink’s cupboard serving as a helmet, the handle acting as a chinstrap, whereas Humie had a plastic bowl with some masking tape. It wasn’t the best, but it would do.
My comrade was currently patrolling the immediate area outside the barricade with the help of my magic. He wasn’t alive, but it was good enough for me. With his positioning, he could easily jump back to my side of the bit of cover if need be.
Content that Humie would stick to his fairly simple patrol route, I gave the battlefield another once-over. Bon Bon would no doubt come through the front door. Of that much, I was certain. At that point, though, she had a choice. She could either cut across the kitchen to the set of stairs that led to my room’s side of the loft, or she could keep going straight and up the other set of stairs, and gain access by walking across the loft itself. As such, I had laid numerous traps and other things set to fire on her – some on each path.
At the door, I had a simple tripwire attached to a bucket, set to spill water on her. Along the staircases and parallel to the loft, I had simple catapult-like contraptions designed to hurl eggs at face level. Topped with my wide range of possible lines of sight with my own firearm, I figured I had sufficient force at my disposal.
My goal was to incapacitate her so I could try and talk it out. Maybe I could blackmail or reason with her to make her stop spying on me. I hoped I could resolve it at that point. If not… well, I didn’t want to think about that. I’m a little squeamish.
Within the confines of my base, I had a system of strings rigged to different sections of egg-apults. I wasn’t stupid – I realized they would only have one shot at firing, and in a set direction, too. That’s why I had an extra carton or two of unborn chickens set aside next to me, in case of grenade scenarios.
I concluded, once again, that my arsenal was adequate, and once again resumed waiting for everything to hit the fan.
“Got any five’s?”
“Go fish.”
“Grr…” I grumbled as I levitated another card from the deck. A two.
“Got any two’s?”
“Son of a muffin!” I shouted, throwing my hoof of cards down on the floor in frustration. It had been comprised entirely of two’s. “That’s your sixth victory in a row, Humie. I swear you’re cheating.”
“You’re just jealous ‘cuz I got mo swag than you.”
“Shut up.” I muttered at him, crossing my hooves and looking away. He was right, of course. I was starting to regret finding that deck of cards amidst the rest of the junk that was in my room.
After a silence that lasted an entire two minutes (new record!), I looked back at him. “You wanna go for another-“
I cut off as I heard the click of a doorknob. The door creaking as it swung open. The gentle ‘clop, clop, clop’ of hoofsteps, and finally a voice I was both eager and dreading to hear.
“Lyra? I’m h-“
SPLASH
My breath had caught when I heard the door open, and now I could feel my face start to turn blue as I waited for the words that would signal the start of the battle.
Fortunately for my lungs, I didn’t have to wait long. When her voice came, it was low, guttural, and teeming with barely constrained rage.
“Lyra…”
“Humie! Section C!” I barked, rattling a few more sugary rounds in what I presumed was Bon Bon’s general direction.
Humie gave a salute and pulled the indicated rope, releasing the egg-apults on the nearer stairs. A few grunts signaled a successful hit.
It had been almost two minutes, now. At this rate, I would be able to get her to surrender right as she arrived at my barricade. It would be close, but completely worth it. The eggs also had the unintended side-effect of making the marshmallows stick to her mane and coat. It was pretty comical. I would’ve laughed if I weren’t busy fighting for my life.
I blindly fired a few more rounds before hearing a ‘click click click’ that signified I was running on empty. I ducked back behind my barricade. “Reloading!”
Okay, I’ll admit that was completely useless since my only teammate was being controlled directly by me. It still seemed appropriate.
After my Sugar Shot 9001 had a fresh clip of s’mores ingredients, Humie and I peeked back over our shared cover.
“She’s halfway up the stairs!” Humie announced in his best impersonation of Captain Obvious.
“I noticed!” Cue suppressive fire!
I whipped my gun out proper and fired right at her face, squeezing the trigger with my magic for dear life. I even managed to poke one of her eyes! Now, if I could just get the other…
‘CLICK CLICK CLICK’
Dang it! I ducked back down and reloaded. I only had two extra clips left. I’d have to make them count. While I was down, Humie covered me by chucking two eggs back over the wall of feathers. Double-checking that the clip was in place, I whipped back up, ready to marshmallow my roommate half to death.
Unfortunately, Bon Bon had used my down time to advance even further. She was right in front of my doorway, and she was not amused at my attacks so far. As soon as I pulled back up, she grabbed my weapon by the barrel with her teeth and flung it off the loft and into the kitchen. I paid ten bits for that!
In the moment of shock, Humie managed to set off all the remaining egg-apults.
I gulped.
“Um, hey Bon. ‘Sup?”
Her frown turned into a scowl.
“Lyra, look at the walls and tell me what you see.” Her voice was calm and didn’t match her face at all !
I did what she said. I was unarmed, and Humie was either just as shocked as I was, or he was being a lazy backstabber and not using the moment to chuck a couple more eggs. Whatever. Traitor.
There was a thin, glossy layer over nearly square inch of wall in the kitchen, polka-dotted with yolks and stray sugary bullets every few feet. Not even the dining set had been spared. All that was going to take quite a while to clean. I looked back at my roommate and saw that she wasn’t faring much better. Though, she had significantly more marshmallows in her mane.
I didn’t laugh.
Neither did she.
Had I really done all that?
She held me in her gaze for a few more seconds before sighing slightly in resignation. Part of me hoped I was off the hook.
“Lyra, I…I think it’s best if you moved out.”
Wait. What?
She turned to leave to her room. “I’ll give you a few hours to pack your things.”
I lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling, my mind going over the past two days.
“She was spying on me!”
“What?”
Letting out yet another sigh, I turned my head to look out the window. The cheap motel I was in didn’t have much in the way of scenery, but that window was the only source of light being used right then.
“She was writing to tell Celestia about my human!”
“What? No, she wasn’t.”
“Then what was that letter she wrote, huh?”
Soon after I had ~~been unfairly evicted from~~ left Bon Bon’s place, I went to the library. I had wanted answers, but Bon Bon had locked her door and refused to speak to me. I figured that if there were anypony else who could tell me anything, it would be Twilight.
“That was a letter to Pinkie Pie.”
“Pinkie Pie? You mean she’s in on it, too?!”
She was a little startled by my questions, and at first, I didn’t know why. Eventually, she got around to forming coherent answers.
“What, were you all plotting to kill me?!”
“Lyra…it was for your birthday party.”
A party. I got worked up, suspicious, and assaulted my roommate all over a party. For the rest of the day, I had reflected, going over the details over and over again. Maybe there was something I had missed?
Of course, I had found nothing.
“She…what?! But what about her sneaking into my room? What about her coming to see you?!”
“That was her trying to find out what you liked, so she could get you a gift you would enjoy!”
“But I…”
Soon after leaving the library, I started looking for a place to stay temporarily. This place was cheap, but it was pretty good for what I was paying. I only had so many bits on me, though. I was either going to have to dust off my lyre and start finding some gigs, or try and move back in with Bonnie.
Right. Like that was going to happen.
“You can only blame yourself, you know.”
I didn’t give Humie the satisfaction of an answer. I wasn’t in the mood. In fact, even he had been uncharacteristically silent until now. I guess losing a home was hitting him harder than he was letting on.
“So, what are you going to do now? Are you going to get your lazy plot out of bed and do something, or are you going to run and hide from your problems…again?”
“Shut up.” I muttered. I had just lost my home, a dear friend, and I had no income. The last thing I needed was him egging me on. Couldn’t he tell I wasn’t in the mood?
“So that’s it? All that effort and you’re just going to give up? Just roll over and die? I always knew you were lazy, but this is straight-up depressing.”
Pressing my buttons wasn’t helping matters, either. “I know where your seams are, and I will not hesitate to rip them apart if you don’t zip it.”
Good. That shut him up.
I turned and looked at my stuff piled in one corner of the room. My lyre case was resting next to my small collection of dresses I had acquired over time for formal events, those library books were packed in a case next to that, and standing next to them was my mask collection – split between two cases.
It wasn’t much, but it was all I really had. All the furniture had been Bon Bon’s. No matter how many times I looked, my stuff wasn’t going to change in appearance. But still, I kept looking. The (admittedly small) productive part of me suggested that now might be a good time to finally go over those books.
There was a knock at the door.
I looked up. I wasn’t expecting anypony. Who could it be?
Was it Bon Bon?
Pff. Yeah, right.
Well, I wasn’t gonna gain x-ray vision through speculation (no matter how cool that would be), so I decided I may as well answer the door. As I started walking toward it, another set of knocks came.
“Just a sec.” I called out to my visitor. As I finally reached the door and started to open it, my mind started thinking about my appearance. My mane was normally a little unruly, but it was a controlled unruliness. With all that happened, though, I hadn’t brushed it or anything the past couple days. It was probably reasonable to say I looked like I had been run over by a wagon, or something.
“Woah, are you okay?” The familiar mare on my doorstep asked, “You look like you got run over by a wagon.”
Gee, thanks.
“Hey, Vinyl,” I threw up a smile that I hoped was convincing, “How are you?”
“I’m pretty good, but…” She hesitated, “Listen…I heard about what happened with Bon Bon…” She lowered her gaze. Most ponies wouldn’t be able to tell, what with her shades and all, but I had known her long enough to see the slight lowering of her face for what it was.
“So, you heard about that already?” I let my fake smile drop. It wasn’t fooling anypony, anyway.
“Yeah…it must be pretty hard, breaking up with your fillyfriend…”
It took two seconds for those words to hit home, and another seven for me to finally stop sputtering like an idiot.
“You…how would…w-…WHAT?!” I stared at her, eyes wide, with an utterly indignant look on my face.
“What? You two were together, right?”
More sputtering. “I…wha…NO! Of course not! How could you think that?!” I didn’t even care that I was probably bothering every other pony in the building (this place wasn’t empty, ya know). I was in too much shock that anypony, especially Vinyl, would think that I was…that …with Bon Bon.
“You mean you weren’t? I had just assumed…” She trailed off, letting her statement finish itself. Me? I was still baffled anypony could come to that conclusion. I mean, we were only living together, for pony’s sake!
Actually, that sounded pretty condemning…dangit.
With this new revelation, I fell to my haunches, covering my face with my hooves.
“Oh, Luna…is that what everypony thinks…?!” As if beating myself up over getting kicked out wasn’t bad enough. At least it explained the looks I sometimes got whenever Bonnie and I ate out.
‘As if that’s any consolation…’ I thought dourly.
Vinyl shuffled her hoof. “Well, now I feel like a jerk…” She muttered awkwardly, “How ‘bout I take you to dinner to make up for it and say ‘Sorry’?”
My head shot up as I turned to look at my clock. Good Luna, it was already five?! Where did the time go?!
Sulking. Right…
I looked back at the white DJ in front of me. “Sure, okay.” I let out a sad smile. I could use some cheering up.
I peeked over my hooves. Everypony was staring at us. I wished they weren’t. It wasn’t doing anything to help my embarrassment. So far, Vinyl’s attempt to take my mind off things wasn’t working. I had made the mistake of telling the unicorn a more in-depth version of what had happened.
Somewhere in the midst of her cackling, Vinyl Scratch regained enough control over her voice to force out a single humiliating question.
“How do you forget your own birthday?!”
Yeah, Vinyl, laugh it up. I wasn’t using that bit of self-respect, anyway.
Her chair toppled backward, taking her with it.
That’s okay. I didn’t need that bit of dignity, either.
I lowered my head back into my hooves and let out a long groan.
We walked down the street back to my motel room. The sun was making its merry way over the horizon, and Vinyl, unable to stop herself, giggled into the ever-darkening air.
“And then…and then you…the marshmallows!” Vinyl sputtered between hysterical gasps, once again succumbing to her laughter in what was quickly becoming a cycle.
“Yeah. Hilarious.” I deadpanned, quickening my pace. One by one, my ‘friends’ were turning against me. I needed to be alone.
Vinyl quieted down at that. It was one of her more admirable traits – one of reasons why I loved her so much (as a friend – I didn’t swing that way). She was able to recognize when she made a mistake. When she did, she always strived to fix things. It didn’t always work, and it wasn’t guaranteed that everypony would get through unscathed, but her heart was always in the right place.
“Hey,” she ventured, her voice much softer now, “You okay?”
I turned and gave her my best glare, adding more and more snark as my reply went on.
“Oh, I don’t know, I lost my house and one of my best friends, my own stuffed doll hates me, I’m almost out of bits with no income, and the one pony who I’ve opened up to about all of it is laughing in my face. Why wouldn’t I be okay?” After two seconds of silence, I turned forward once more and resumed walking back to my temporary residence. I didn’t want to lash out at Vinyl, and I really needed to get my thoughts in order.
I heard hoofsteps behind me, and then a tap on my shoulder. “Hey…”
I kept walking.
“Lyra…”
I started trotting.
“Look, I’m sorry.”
“That’s nice. Remind me when I care.” That may have come off a bit harsher than I meant it to…
“Lyra, I’m sorry. I messed up. I get it.”
I stopped. “I get that, Vinyl, but unfortunately, your apologies won’t make anything any better.”
She stayed quiet again. I was just about to start walking when she gasped. “But I have an idea that might…!”
Vinyl opened the door to her place. The lights were still off.
“Are you sure she’ll be up for this?” I asked as we walked in.
“I already told you, I’m positive she’ll be all for it.”
The lights flicked on. On the opposite side of the living room, looking at us like a disapproving mother catching a foal past curfew, sat yet another mare I was familiar with.
“All for what, Vinyl?” Octavia asked, one eyebrow a substantial height above the other.
“You’ll love this, Octy! Lyra wants to have a threesome!”
“WHAT?!”
I don’t think I could’ve shrieked any louder or any more high-pitched. You couldn’t have gotten a more extreme reaction out of me if you had said ‘Oh, by the way, there’s a landmine next to you’. Octavia simply facehoofed as Vinyl succumbed to gravity in a fit of hysterics.
I frantically looked between the two other mares in the room. “What? No! You said I could stay here for a few days! Octavia, you gotta believe me, that is not what I had in mind!” Dammit, Vinyl, Octavia was one of the few ponies left who still respected me to some extent! I was not going to let her mess that up, too!
The cellist got up and walked to us. “I figured as much from your shocked expression and Vinyl’s incapacitation.” Yikes. I forgot she knew a bunch of big words. She stopped in front of Vinyl and, with a straight face, bopped her on the nose. The DJ snorted and immediately fell still and silent.
“So what’s this about her staying with us that I’ve heard nothing about?”
Vinyl stood up and coughed to hide the ghost of a blush on her face. “You remember me telling you what happened to Lyra? Well, she’s got no place to stay, and I figured that we, being the good neighbors and friends we are,” she batted her eyelashes (an action nearly missed due to her glasses), “Could help her out by letting her stay with us until she can get back on her hooves.”
Octavia stood there, giving no clue as to her verdict. I started to worry. We had already gotten my stuff and I had already checked out of the motel. If she refused, I was out of luck. I threw myself at her hooves, hugging one of them.
“Please, Octavia! I’ve got nowhere else. I…” A thought struck me, “I can pay rent! Sorta…in chores!” I gave her a sheepish smile.
Five seconds passed. Nothing.
Finally, she smiled. “I think we can make something work.”
“Thank you thank you thank you thank you!”
Vinyl dragged me away from her. “Woah, there, Lyra. That’s my fillyfriend you’re hugging.” I blushed a bit. “Thanks, Octy.”
The gray mare just smiled. “Oh, and Lyra? Make sure you brush your mane in the morning. You look like you got run over by a wagon.” With that, she made her way upstairs.
Vinyl snickered. “Well, it’s pretty late, so I guess you can crash here tonight.” She gestured to the couch. “We can work out a space later. Oh, and I guess as far as the chores bit goes, you can just help me with mine for now.”
“Like what?” I was a little curious to see how they had divided the chores up amongst themselves.
She smiled devilishly. “You ever heard of a ‘Dubstep Dishwasher’?”
I laid back on the couch in the living room. I had a simple blanket and pillow to keep me warm overnight. Not my first choice, but it was already late when I got there, so I didn’t blame Octy and Scratch. Besides, beggars can’t be choosers, right?
The place was dark, save for the bathroom light, just in case I needed to see. The only noises were the annoying ticking of a clock I couldn’t see and a hushed conversation upstairs. I could barely hear my hosts, let alone make out their words. Instead, I focused on the ~~doll~~ stuffed figure sitting on my stomach.
“So, got anything to say this time?” I asked him, “Any snide remarks or witty banter about my ‘lazy plot’?”
Humie just sat there, wisely staying silent. Whatever. I set him down on the floor. We weren’t exactly on speaking terms right now, anyway. I turned away from him.
Was this it? Was this what I had become? A schizophrenic unicorn feeding off the generosity and kindness of her friends? I sighed. The thought left a bad feeling in my stomach. I felt guilty, staying here for even one night. I had no right to impose on Vinyl and Octavia. They had their right to privacy, just like I used to.
Before I assaulted Bon Bon…
I shook my head sadly. I still couldn’t believe I had done that. I mean, a marshmallow gun? Such a waste of good food. The eggs, too.
Oh, and I guess the whole ‘attacking Bon Bon’ thing.
There were a lot of feelings surrounding the situation with Bonnie. Regret, disbelief…
Most importantly, though, I just wanted to apologize. Even if she didn’t accept the apology, I just wanted to let her know I regretted doing all that. I didn’t want to lose our friendship, strained as it was. I curled into myself and sighed again.
That’s all our relationship was, really. Just two great college friends who moved in together after graduation. There was no fooling around or experimentation, or anything. It was all platonic.
But then…
Why was this hitting me so hard?
I held my hooves over my ears, effectively gluing them to my skull. There was a throbbing in my head more powerful than the hangover I had gotten after one of Vinyl’s gigs. Ironically enough, I hadn’t had a single drop of alcohol the night before.
Perhaps then, it was not the alcohol that caused hangovers, but the mare that was involved?
“Oh, yeah! We crank that bass up to eleven, it’ll clean the dishes on a microscopic level!” Vinyl shouted over the mess of wubs and other sounds I suspected had been put through about fifteen different distorters.
The morning had started out well enough. A few cramps from sleeping on the couch, Vinyl immediately eager to do something she’d find amusing…nothing different from what I expected. After a quick shower (my singing was pretty good, thank you very much), Vinyl wanted to start with her morning chores. I went with it. I had promised, after all.
Then we started doing the dishes. Oh, sweet Luna.
“Yeah! Feel that bass!”
I wasn’t going to feel anything other than the throbbing in my head for days at this rate. I had already tried to get her to stop, but she couldn’t hear me over the sheer volume of her mish-mash of noise.
I had to get out of there. That would require uncovering my ears, though, since I couldn’t teleport like a certain other unicorn I knew. The front door would require going all the way across the kitchen and through the foyer. A bit too far for my ears’ tastes.
I looked at the invention of hell (known by some as a Dubstep Dishwasher) and tried to glare it into submission. After that didn’t work, my eyes drifted above the sink. A window! And it was open! Could it be?!
Taking the chance, I uncovered my ears and charged toward the sink. Immediately, my thoughts were drowned out by even more bass, offset by the shrill, autotuned sounds of anything ranging from a random bit of speaking to a fork in a garbage disposal.
I forced myself onwards. If I could get through the window, it would all be worth it. Before Vinyl could react or voice her objections, I was already on the lip of the sink and leaping through the window proper.
I could already sense a change. The natural light of the sun was easier on my eyes than the artificial lighting in the kitchen. The smell of autumn leaves and dirt replaced the faint odor of soapy water. I could even feel a breeze on my hooves.
The sounds didn’t change much, though. That dishwasher was loud!
That changed when my head passed through, though. Already, the ‘music’ was growing fainter. I was so close to freedom, I couldn’t help a smile from breaking out on my face.
My waist caught.
No! My freedom! I didn’t want to listen to distortion! I flailed my hooves, trying to get a grip on something – anything – to push me the rest of the way through. I could already see it. Vinyl would grab me and pull me back in. Then, she’d tie me to a chair, complete with a blindfold and gag.
“Silly Lyra, you can’t escape that easily.” Vinyl swooned, double-checking her knots.
I tried to beg her to stop, but my pleas only came out as muffled screams.
“What’s that? You like the music?” I shook my head frantically, “Well, in that case, I’ve got something I’m sure you’ll love…” She walked out of the room, her hoofsteps barely audible over the still-wubbing kitchen appliance.
I tried to force the knots apart, my magic failing me in my panic. I didn’t know what she had in mind, and I wasn’t exactly keen on finding out. To my despair, Vinyl came back before I could make any headway on my bindings.
“Here we go!” Vinyl exclaimed as she came back. One second later, I felt a soft fabric envelop my ears, only slightly muting the sounds around me. I also felt the telltale headband that told me what I was now wearing.
Headphones.
“Now to plug this in…” Vinyl’s voice trailed off. I was even more scared, now. Vinyl was a DJ and a fan of all manner of electronic music. Any headphones of hers would be studio-grade and, more likely than not, have one hay of a bass boost. “Here we go!”
Instantly, the music got louder. Even louder than it was before. The pounding from the speakers was increased tenfold. I screamed. The wubs and distortion pervaded my skull, drowning out all coherent thought and asdfgkoaanlkajlkpalkgpkjgpjhgafuh…
A perceived eternity later, I couldn’t hear the music. I felt myself stop screaming and Vinyl took off the headphones. I felt something warm trickle past my cheek, and not one sound entered my ears.
Finally, after what seemed like minutes, my rear hoof managed to snag the faucet. I stumbled out into the street and landed with an ‘Oof!’.
I scrambled to my hooves. A few passersby were giving me funny looks. I was used to it. There was also a noticeable clear area of about ten feet from my hosts’ door (gee, I wonder why?).
Desperate to get away from the earth-shaking bass behind me, I galloped off with no real destination in mind.
I stared at the door. I was still trying to figure out why I had come here. It wasn’t like there was anything I could accomplish. Maybe it was just the stubborn part of me refusing to let things go.
I sighed as my gaze shifted to the rest of the exterior of Bon Bon’s house. I took in every detail from the nicks in the wood to the silly little window gardens she insists on keeping. It felt like it was the last time I was going to see it, and that saddened me a little. Why, you ask? I was still trying to figure that one out.
I scolded myself for looking at the building that way. Of course I was going to see it again – it was close to the center of town. Even with that reasoning, I couldn’t shake a sense of finality. I wondered how Bon Bon was doing, and whether or not she would just forget about me and move on.
I had no intention of knocking to find out, however.
What if I was wrong, though? What if she regretted her decision, just as I regretted mine? Would I be passing up the one chance I had to patch things up?
I stopped that hopeful train of thought. I was only setting myself up for disappointment and heartbreak. Bonnie was completely justified in kicking me out. She had told me after every one of my little ‘schemes’ to stop with the crazy stuff, but I never listened. I kept doing it over and over and she had finally had enough. I had already blown my chance.
I let out a wistful sigh. Dwelling on it wasn’t going to do my any favors, not to mention improve my mood. After a few seconds, my stomach started to complain at me. I noticed it was doing it a lot, lately. I shrugged and headed toward a restaurant I knew of nearby. I figured I may as well eat. After all, I had skipped breakfast in lieu of wubs.
I was about two blocks away from my destination when I heard somepony call out to me.
“Lyra?”
I turned and greeted the cellist. I was still a little down from earlier. She was wearing a pair of saddlebags. “Oh, hey Octavia. What’s up?”
“Well, Vinyl told me what happened,” I winced, “And I wanted to come out and find you.”
“Well, you found me.” I said with a half-hearted chuckle.
Octavia gave me a worried glance. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I lied. Despite my efforts, it was still getting to me.
Her look turned doubtful, but she didn’t voice any objections. “Where are you headed?”
“That restaurant over there.” I gestured with a hoof. “I kinda skipped breakfast.”
“Do you think I could accompany you?”
“Sure, I guess.”
Octavia and I ate in silence. Most of the tables in the place were full, their occupants creating a moderate level of background noise. Octavia had ordered some fancy soup I couldn’t remember (or pronounce) the name of, while I had ordered a fairly simple salad.
Not unlike the one during my last meal with Bon Bon…
After a while, we had both finished our meals. Neither of us said anything, as we were both unsure how to break the ice. At least, I’m assuming Octavia was thinking the same thing as me right then. Cut me some slack, I’m not a mind reader.
Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.
“I wish I could take it all back,” I started dejectedly, “I honestly do. I honestly do wish I could take it all back. And not just because I’m homeless…”
“But Vinyl and I agreed to let you stay with us until you could get back on your hooves…”
“…Okay, fine. I’m not completely homeless.” It’s rude to interrupt ponies, Octavia, “Anyway… you know, if I was ever to see her again… you know what I’d say? I’d say ‘I’m sorry’. Sincerely. I am sorry I was violent…and assuming…and I am genuinely sorry. The end.”
A few seconds passed with Octavia giving me a disapproving look. Was it something I said?
“Did you seriously just monologue about your marefriend?”
“Wait, hold on, she’s not my-“
“And are you really pulling the ‘Woe Is Me’ card?”
“I-“
“Lyra, I can understand being upset about the situation, but acting all helpless and depressed as if there’s nothing you can do about it is something I will not stand for.”
“But-“
“Do you see this, Lyra?” She held up her left hoof. On it, she sported a golden band. Engraved on the band were two tied eighth notes.
Her wedding band.
“Do you have any idea the chaos that led up to this?”
“No, but I’m not trying to marry Bon Bon, so…”
She snorted and smirked, as if humoring me, before continuing. “Look…did Vinyl ever tell you about the time she broke my record player?”
“No?”
“That doesn’t surprise me. It wasn’t one of her better moments. Anyway, one day, Vinyl got it into her head to play some of her ‘music’ on my record player that I had owned for years. Now, what happened next would’ve been more forgivable if she’d asked to use it, but…she didn’t.
“Now, neither of us could’ve predicted that her love of bass would blow the speaker to pieces, but I was just so angry that…I told her that I didn’t want to see her again. I…might have overreacted…”
I knew what she was trying to do, but this story of hers had my curiosity piqued. “So then what?”
“Well, of course she was apologizing profusely on the spot, but at the time, I didn’t want to hear it. She left, and we didn’t see hide nor hair of each other for almost a month.”
I lowered my gaze. This wasn’t doing much for my self-esteem. I mean, a month? It wasn’t even a week, and I was feeling depressed!
“So, what then?”
“So, one Tuesday – I remember it was a Tuesday because I had had a rehearsal earlier, Vinyl comes to my doorstep. With her glasses off, even. She had been out of my mind for a while by this point, so it was rather awkward for both of us. But then she got her nerve together and apologized, looking me straight in the eye.”
“…and then you kissed, right?”
She blinked. “Pardon?”
“Well, seeing how you were going, and where you are now, I mean…”
“Lyra, this was quite a bit before our first kiss. The point I’m trying to make is that you should try apologizing to Bon Bon. I’m sure it will work out.”
I was silent for a moment. “Are you sure?”
“Vinyl and I did, didn’t we?”
I immediately thought of half a dozen things to say to the contrary, but held my tongue for fear of invoking the wrath of a cellist.
“I guess it’s worth a shot.”
She smiled.
I zoned out, thinking out my next few moves. If the whole ‘apologizing’ thing worked, then I would just be back where I started: essentially mooching off Bon Bon. What would that say about me? That I didn’t learn a thing? No, I wanted to show that I knew better, and I wanted to show it by doing something meaningful like help paying the mortgage, or getting her a new hat, or something.
But to do that, I needed money.
Thing was, music performances were planned months in advance. I’d need to look around for openings. It was right about then that I spied a newspaper poking out of Octavia’s saddlebags. An idea hit me.
“Hey,” I asked, “Is that today’s?”
“What?” I pointed at the printed material in her bags, with her gaze following my hoof a second later. “Ah, yes, it is. Why?”
“Could I take a look at it real quick?”
“Sure.” She hoofed it to me, and I picked it up in a mint-green aura of magic.
It was a desperate idea, and had little chance of working, but I didn’t want to feel like a complete foal for skipping the easiest place to look for orchestral openings of any kind. Not if I was going to be serious about patching things up with Bon Bon.
But when I opened it up to the classifieds, instead of finding any positions in an upcoming masterpiece performance, my eyes spotted a hauntingly familiar name.
Room Available For Rent 22 Horseshoe Street 150 Bits/Month Landmare: Bon Bon
Author's Note
~~Shameless self-insert.~~
So, yeah...author's comments.
Anyway, really sorry about the wait for this chapter. School was getting me hung up, but I think I should be able to handle it better next semester.
As usual, the sooner you point out errors, the less time I have to be ashamed for missing them during my self-edits. It's much-appreciated.
As always, I welcome any criticism you have to give. Hit me with your best shot.
So, merry Hearth's Warming, and may the Force live long and prosper and be with you.
P.S.: So...shouts out to CoffeeGrunt? I dunno.
Last time, on ~~Dragon Ball Z~~ Forgery:
“The point I’m trying to make is that you should try apologizing to Bon Bon. I’m sure it will work out.”
“I guess it’s worth a shot…”
I lay awake in-
Just kidding. I was standing up this time. I wasn’t in my bed, either. Those facts didn’t help my nerves, though.
I had left the restaurant in a hurry after seeing the ad, leaving Octavia alone and probably confused. I didn’t want it to be true. I knew what I had seen, but I refused to believe it.
And now here I was, in the last place I ought to have been, trying to do the last thing I ought to have been trying to accomplish.
I started forty-second-guessing myself before running out of time. Bon Bon opened her front door.
“Lyra?” she asked, staring with a concerned look at the crazy mint-green unicorn (me!) standing on her doormat.
I threw on the best smile I could muster at the time. That’s not saying much, by the way.
“Uh…hey, Bon! I, uh… I saw the ad in the paper about a room available…”
“Uh-huh…” she muttered, clearly unconvinced by my smile.
Don’t worry, Bonnie. I wasn’t convinced, either.
“So, I was wondering if, maybe… I could…?” My face was starting to hurt.
She sighed. “Lyra… about that…” Oh, no. I had read those books from the bargain bin. This was the part where she would reject me and I would spend the rest of my life drinking sweet tea and eating ice cream! Initiate Plan BB!
That stands for Bon Bon, by the way.
Come on, brain, think of something!
“I think we should just… go our separate ways for a bit, you know?” she continued, “Just until this all blows over.” No, no, NO! C’mon, Heartstrings, you’re losing her! Say something – anything !
“Wait!” I practically screamed.
She looked at me expectantly. Horsefeathers, now I had to follow up with something.
For the love of Luna…
“Please?” I gave her my best puppy eyes. Come on, work…work!
She just sighed. “Sorry, Lyra. I’ll still see you around, right?”
…It didn’t work…
I sat on my haunches and hung my head in defeat.
“Right…” I mumbled.
She awkwardly shut her door with an awkward smile and left me awkwardly sitting on her doorstep.
It was kind of awkward.
I sat there for… actually, I don’t remember how long it was. I just remember eventually getting up and heading to Vinyl Scratch and Octavia’s house.
At least there, I had a couch I could return to.
I trudged into my temporary residence, head hung low and not really looking where I was going. Where was the couch? I was curious to see if the cushions would block all airflow if I were to shove my face into it.
Fate, however, had other plans (again). Before I could reach the sofa, Vinyl walked by.
“Hey, you’re back. How was your little walk?”
I kept walking, trying to find the sofa without looking up. Do you have any idea how hard that is? Finally, I answered her.
“Unsurprising.”
“Uh, that’s cool… I guess.”
“Yeah…” I muttered half-heartedly. Aha, there was the lamp! Now from there…
“So, what happened?”
“Bon Bon had an ad in the paper, renting out my old room. I went there, and…needless to say, she didn’t want me back.” The bookshelf? How did I manage to overshoot it that badly?
Vinyl was probably having a field day watching me wander around the room, seemingly at random.
“Harsh…you gonna be okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll just…do somethin’…” Found it. Finally.
But then the worst thing happened.
“I know what you need. Some cheering up!” She proceeded to grab my hoof right as I was about to climb on top of the sofa, dragging me off to the kitchen.
“No!” I just wanted to lay down! The couch wouldn’t judge me! Plus, I didn’t have nice memories of the kitchen. Going deaf (however imaginary) tends to scar you for a while.
Despite my struggles, the pale DJ managed to plop me into a chair, her own rump taking the one opposite.
“You need to turn that frown upside-down, and I know just the story to do it! It’s called ‘The Ugly Parasprite’ .”
“How is that supposed to-“
“Shushabububup!” She put one of her hooves over my muzzle, “I’m the one telling the story! You just sit there, and listen, ‘kay?”
I sighed. “Fine…” I mumbled through a white hoof.
She put her leg back down. “Good. Now…
“Once, there was an ugly Parasprite. He was so ugly , everypony died. The end!” She flashed me her biggest grin and waited for my reaction.
Me? I was struggling to comprehend what this had to do with anything, much less how it was supposed to help.
“That didn’t help at all!” I exclaimed, giving her a moderately angry look and flailing my hooves about as if I expected to fly.
Her smile was gone in an instant. “Oh. Well, I tried.”
Before I could respond, there was a knock at the door. “I’ll get it!” Vinyl almost shouted, practically bouncing toward the front door. I just put my head on the table and covered it with my hooves. I wanted to be depressed in peace, and I was too lazy to walk all the way back to the couch. Oh, well. The table would have to do.
“Hey, Lyra? There’s somepony here for ya.” Vinyl called from the foyer.
I grumbled and lifted my head. Who would want to talk to me?
Could it be…? No, that was stupid. Bon Bon was rather clear.
But then, who?
I sighed. Only one way to find out.
Trudging up to the door, I finally looked up and spotted one of the last mares I expected to see.
Sadly, no, it wasn’t Bonnie. Instead, it was somepony I had pretty much forgotten about in all the marshmallow-and-egg-induced madness.
“Hello, Lyra.” Twilight greeted me.
“Twilight?” What was she doing here?
“I just wanted to check up with you before going ahead with anything. How’re things on your end?”
My end of what, now?
“My end of what, now?”
“Your human I’m helping you make?” she deadpanned, “You were going to look into their physiology, remember?”
“’Make a human’?” Vinyl interjected, “Wow, you really didn’t learn anything from that angry mob, did you?”
“One time! That was one time !” I glared at her.
“But you did read up on it, right?” Twilight interrupted.
That’s right… wasn’t I going to read those books from the library? What happened to that?
I headed to my room, levitating my vegetable-stocked saddlebags to the table as an afterthought. I entered my room, ready to start looking. I had my work cut out for me, really. I was fully prepared to turn my room upside-down, too.
Except they weren’t under my bed.
They were resting right on top, in neat piles.
I narrowed my eyes. “Bon Bon…”
Regardless of the legitimacy of that last part, I had plum forgotten about those things with everything else that happened (hint: marshmallows). I had no idea where they would be.
“Lyra?” Twilight broke me out of my thoughts.
Oh, Luna, she was still expecting an answer! Time for Deception Mode.
“Of course! Did it all in one night.” I had on my best smile (which was much more convincing than earlier, if I do say so myself).
She quirked an eyebrow, but didn’t go into it any further. “So, is everything else okay? Bon Bon told me you were staying here for the time being…”
She knew about that? Actually, she would’ve gone by Bon’s place first, so it did stand to reason.
“Nah, everything’s good.” I kept up my façade. Just keep it together a little longer…
“Well, if you’re sure…” she trailed a bit, “Just come into the library tomorrow around noon, and I’ll get everything started.”
“Awesome, thanks for telling me.”
We exchanged goodbyes, and Vinyl shut the door. She turned to me.
“You didn’t do any of that research you said you did, did you?” she asked in a knowing tone.
I didn’t bother lying to her. “Oh, hay , no.”
“Do you at least know where the books are?”
I sighed. “No…”
“Aren’t they library books? You know, as in ‘you have to return them at some point’?
I groaned this time. How was I supposed to know where they were? When I was leaving Bon’s place, I just stuffed everything into bags…
I looked over to my stuff, still completely packed and lying next to the couch. It was only a few bags, but everything was in there. I walked over to the pile with cautious optimism. I was pretty sure I had packed them.
Slowly, hesitantly, I started to unzip the first. I didn’t remember what I had put in which bag, so it was just a matter of guesswork. As the zipper continued further down, my shadow of a doubt remained.
“So, any particular reason why you just took five minutes to slowly open one bag?”
Ah, that would be Vinyl, questioning my methods like everypony does. Although, her question was still valid. Why was I taking a long time?
I shook my head to snap myself out of it. “Not really.”
“Cool.” She said, stone-faced. With that, my fellow unicorn walked up the stairs to her room. “I’ll leave you to it, then.”
“Alright.”
‘Okay, back to book-searching…’ I thought to myself, looking back to the bag I had just opened.
I caught a glimpse of the first item, lovingly placed on top of everything else, and paused.
“You decorated the entire kitchen?”
“Of course!”
“But it’s just the two of us…”
“It’s your birthday, Lyra. You deserve some cheering up for today.”
“I don’t need cheering up…”
“Lyra, please. You’ve done nothing but mope since your lyre broke.”
I didn’t really have anything to say to that.
“Well?” she said, attaching a party hat to my noggin. The elastic string dug into my skin a bit. “Aren’t you gonna check out the cake?”
“I guess…”
Walking over to the table, I started to examine the admittedly large cake. It was a rectangle, mostly white but with a border of mint green – the color of my coat. In the center was a slightly larger-than-life depiction of my cutie mark. It was a fairly standard concept for cakes, but as I looked closer, I started to notice slight imperfections here and there.
She had made it herself.
I just stared at it in awe.
Attempting to fill in the silence, Bon Bon spoke up. “It’s your favorite: chocolate.”
Now that got my attention. I whirled my head around to face her, my eyes wide. “Seriously?!”
My reaction must have pleased her in some fashion, because she smiled. “Yep.”
I allowed myself a small smile of my own. Looking at the cake, I zoned in on one of the pieces with the most frosting – a corner, naturally. “Can I get that piece?” I asked, pointing a hoof at it.
“Sure. But first…” she trailed off as she reached behind the table, presumably grabbing something.
She hoofed over a box covered in wrapping paper. The paper itself was a mix of bright colors, resulting in a chaotic mish-mash of neon. I grabbed it in my hooves. “What’s this?”
“It’s your present,” she said, rolling her eyes with mirth, “You’re supposed to find out what it is when you open it.”
I decided that the most intelligent (not to mention logical and efficient) course of action was to do just that. Grabbing one of the corners with a hoof (because that’s always the best place to start), I pulled it down, resulting in a satisfying tearing sound.
Oh, and the paper came off. That happened, too.
Slightly entertained by the sound of tearing paper, I proceeded to rip off more and more of the horrifyingly-bright wrapping. Eventually, I tore the last bit off to reveal…
“A black box? Cool… I guess.”
Bon Bon facehooved. “ Open the box, Lyra.”
“I already took the wrapping paper off. Why are you making this so complicated?”
“Just open it.”
“Fine…” Keeping the box steadily floating in midair in front of me, I used a hoof to undo the latch. Lowering it back into my hooves, I lifted the lid.
I was speechless.
After a moment, Bon Bon spoke. “Do you like it?”
I couldn’t talk. I was too busy getting over the shock of the box’s contents.
“Lyra?”
Carefully, I lifted the contents out of the container up to my face, which was wide-eyed and slack-jawed in shock.
“This is…”
It was a lyre. It wasn’t strung, but I had plenty of those. And by the feel of it in my magic… ‘This is real gold…’
She had gotten me a new lyre… and this stuff wasn’t cheap.
I put the lyre back in the case, and the case back on the table without closing it. Then, I turned to face Bonnie.
Before she could get a word out, I had her wrapped up in a tight hug. After a moment of actually being able to get a breath, she put one of her own hooves behind my back.
A moment later, I broke the hug. Broke it into a bajillion little pieces out of excitement. I had a new lyre! I had wanted to play mine for so long, but it was broken! After letting out a small squeal of excitement, I was rushing up the stairs, lyre in tow. I opened the door once I reached my room.
Now, where were those strings?
I snapped out of my little flashback with a start. After I remembered where I was, I looked back down at what had triggered said flashback.
There it was, in all its glory. My lyre.
I sighed. Great, now I wasn’t going to be able to look at that thing for a while without it bringing up sad memories. I just set it aside for now.
Underneath my lyre, there was a small, unmarked book. It wasn’t one of the ones I was looking for; I could tell mainly because the cover was a different material. I would almost say it was leather, if it weren’t for the fact that I knew better. I had made sure if it when I bought it.
It was my diary.
Considering the reaction I got just from seeing my lyre, of all things, I knew I wouldn’t be able to take what would happen if I were to open this . Instead, I spied a small corner of… something poking out the side.
Curious, I slipped it out enough to get a glimpse at what was printed on it, but not enough to take it out completely, lest I lose its place.
Printed at the end was a date. I knew exactly when this was.
The curtain finally closed, allowing all of us to relax after hours of playing. As I waited for the after-show high to wear off, I shared glances and approving nods with just about everypony else in the strings section.
After waiting a few more seconds, I decided to finally pack up. It doesn’t take much to put a lyre in a case, so I was up and making my way offstage pretty quickly.
Making my way to the foyer area, I started scanning heads for a certain pink-and-blue mane in the crowd.
Where was she? I couldn’t see her anywhere. Did she not come? No… she said she would.
Then where was she?
“Hey, Lyra.”
Startled by the sudden voice behind me, coupled with the sudden prod at my side, I whirled around to see the very mare I had been looking for. I also may or may not have let out a squeal when she snuck up on me.
I guess we’ll never know.
“So, you saw the performance?”
“Yep.” She flashed me her ticket stub. “I still think it’s ridiculous that the school charged five bits for attendance, but it was worth it.”
“So, you liked it?” I couldn’t help but let a little excitement creep into my voice.
“It was pretty good, for a college orchestra. I have to ask, though… do you know the name of the piece you played?”
“I… er, that is to say…”
“Uh-huh. Thought so.”
“Whatever, that’s not important. What is important is that during the concert, I thought up a new way that hands could work!”
Bon Bon just sighed and rolled her eyes. “Either way, it’s getting late, and I want to get to bed. Can we head back to the dorm, now?”
“Sure.” With that, we started heading out of the building. We passed a trash can in the hall, and Bonnie threw her ticket stub in without a second thought.
For some reason, though, I lingered. Bon Bon hadn’t noticed, and kept on walking as I stared at the trash can… thinking.
After another moment of that utterly pointless activity, I yanked the ticket stub back out with my magic, rushing a bit to catch up with my roommate.
Memories of happier times, those were. Times of when my greatest fear was that upcoming test that I would probably screw up.
After sliding the stub back into it, I put the diary aside. At this rate, I was never gonna get over her. I just had to accept that she and I were over.
‘Easier said than done…’
I braced myself for the next item in the bag. What was next, a framed picture?
Actually, to my surprise, it was the books I was looking for.
And yes, they were the books I was looking for. Your mind tricks can’t work on me!
Now, these … these brought back memories. Humans were only ever mentioned at the edges of folklore. Nopony ever talked about them, but if you looked hard enough in the right places, you could find references to them. They had always fascinated me, and research on them had been a hobby all throughout school.
It wasn’t until the past year or two that I could actually try out my half-formed theories. They got more logically sound as time went on, to be sure, but I never once let failure deter me.
I let that thought sink in. Something about it felt… off. For the life of me, though, I couldn’t figure out why.
But then, that nagging feeling turned into a nagging thought, and that thought caused even more thoughts in a domino effect until I’d had a full-fledged epiphany.
I had an… unusual hobby growing up. It had caused me to be victim to no small amount of teasing and mockery. Nothing, not even flat-out failure could deter me from seeing if humans were real. I had never given up.
So then… just what the hay was I doing, letting a small incident get in the way of my friendship with Bon Bon?! What the hay was I doing, moping around and taking advantage of two of my other friends?! And just why the hay was I thinking about raiding Vinyl’s cookie stash before leaving tomorrow?!
I stood there, being mad at and mentally berating myself. I had proven to be crazily tenacious, yet here I was, ready to give up my best friend at the drop of a hat! For the love of Luna, what was wrong with me?!
I put on a determined expression. It was settled. I was going to get Bon Bon back, even if it killed me!
…Except I couldn’t really do anything right now. A glance out the window told me it was indeed getting very late, and Bonnie was most likely about to go to sleep at this point, if she wasn’t already.
“Lyra? Are you still up?”
I turned to the source of the voice to find Octavia at the base of the stairs. How had I missed her coming in? I must have really been out of it while going down memory lane…
“Yeah,” I answered, “I’ve still gotta read these books for another human thing tomorrow.”
“As long as it isn’t another one of those portals.”
I let out a long groan. I was not going to live that down, was I?
“Just… try to get some sleep, alright?”
“Alright. Goodnight, Octavia.”
“Goodnight.” With that, she retreated back up the stairs. After waiting a moment to make sure she was out of earshot, I scooped up Humie from his position slouching against the couch.
Levitating the little traitor close to me, I attempted to extend an olive branch.
“Look,” I told him, “I know we both said a lot of things you’re going to regret, but I think we can put our differences behind us. For science.”
‘You monster.’ I added internally.
After a moment of silent contemplation, he nodded.
“Alright,” I started, facing toward the books, “There’s at least ten of these things to get through, but I’ve come up with a solution that I honestly think works best for one of both of us.”
I smiled, memories of college flooding back to me. “Time for an all-night cram session.”
Author's Note
I... I honestly have no excuse for why this took so long. For some reason, I was absolutely floored with that last scene. I guess at least now, I know about one of my weaknesses when it comes to writing.
So, I'm planning on having one more chapter, and a possibly-separate epilogue.
As always, leave any criticisms or mentions of errors in the comments, and hopefully the next chapter won't be so long coming.
Piece!
I slowly drifted into consciousness, woken by the sounds of my stomach growling at me. Trying to delay the inevitable, I curled myself tighter within the confines of the box I called home, holding Humie closer to me. After a few moments, though, it became apparent that going back to sleep was a lost cause.
I pushed open the flaps, letting in the morning sun. I winced as the first rays made a beeline for my irises. After rubbing my face and yawning like a ferocious kitten, I sat up just outside of my little shelter, setting down my bowl and pulling out the only thing of value left to my name, my lyre. Stretching to work out a few kinks, I started playing a light melody that would hopefully wake me up.
As the morning wore on, I shifted melodies every few minutes, looping every now and then. A lot of it was improv, throwing different notes together and hoping that it sounded half-decent. I sincerely thanked each and every passerby that was kind enough to spare a bit or two. Hopefully I could make up for my missed dinner the night before.
I played in silence, letting the sounds of my personal instrument keep my hopes up. I noticed with some sadness that I was in desperate need of a bath. I hated bathing in the lake, but what other option did I have?
About halfway to lunch, I looked up and suddenly stopped playing. There, in the middle of the road with ponies simply walking by her, was Bon Bon. She was staring at me with what could only be described with indecision.
Slowly, she made her way to me. When she was about a foot away, she stopped. Everything else seemed to fade into obscurity. Finally, I spoke up.
“Bon Bon, I… I’m sorry…”
Her face turned into a dark scowl. “Good.”
With that, she snatched up my lyre and stomped off, leaving me there in the street.
“Lyra?” Humie said next to me, trying to get my attention. I didn’t even care that his voice was strangely feminine. I guess I was just in too much shock.
“Lyra.” She just left me…
Then Humie smacked me in the face.
*SLAP*
“LYRA!”
I jerked awake, looking up at my attacker.
“Octavia? Why would you do that? That hurts… right here…” I held a hoof over my heart. “Also, here…” I brought my other hoof to my cheek. Yikes, that stung…
“My apologies, Lyra, but I figured you would’ve slept clear through lunch had I not done something.”
Lunch… noon. Twilight!
“FAIRY GOD PARENTS!” I ignored Humie’s contribution. He comes up with the craziest things, sometimes.
Wait, what time was it?! I looked at the Clock that is the Bane of All Sleep (CBAS) and discovered that it was nearing ten o’clock. I breathed a sigh of relief that I wasn’t late yet, but choked on the next one when I realized I only had two hours to get everything in order and head out.
“Tartar sauce…” I muttered.
One thank-you, a quick shower and brushing, one last frantic sweep to make sure I had everything in my saddlebags, and a stolen cookie (Ha!) later, I was finally out the door. My mane was by no means presentable, but it wasn’t any worse than normal. Wiping the last few crumbs from my pilfered treat off my face, I looked to the sky for a moment.
Where was I going with this? The events of the past week were leading to this, but I still found myself feeling like not everything was in place. Assuming everything went well (and it totally would), what would I do then? Where would I even keep a human? Especially now, since I was without a long-term residence? I started thinking further into the future. What if the human and I didn’t get along? What if…
What if I was disappointed ?
That was a scary thought. All this time obsessing over something, only to have my expectations fall flat…
Luckily for my mood, something unexpected derailed that train of thought.
Though, it could’ve at least been something uplifting.
“Oh… hi, Lyra.”
“Um… hey… Bon Bon.” You could smell the tension and awkwardness. It smelled like a confectioner’s shop.
She glanced at my saddlebags. “Finally heading to Twilight’s?”
“Yeah…” I trailed off. I was looking for anything to end this impending train-wreck of a conversation, but came up with nothing.
“Can I go with you?”
Now that stopped me short. Handling the situation like a professional, I let out an elegant “What?”
“Well, it’s… not every day a mythical species gets created, you know?”
No, Lyra. This is a bad idea. BAD. Do you hear me? Do not do it. Whatever you do, make sure you don’t say —
“Sure.”
And that’s how I lost all faith in myself.
A minute or two later, we were still walking, both with our heads down. Apparently neither of us were willing to break the silence. Remembering my bravado from the night before, I decided to speak up.
“Look, Bon Bon-”
We both stopped and looked at each other.
“Oh, sorry, I-”
“No, it’s okay, Lyra. What were you going to say?”
I steadied my breathing. “I just wanted to say… I’m sorry. I don’t blame you for kicking me out. I mean, I went way over the top. I don’t even know what I was thinking.” Spies. Spies everywhere. “Even…” I gulped, “Even if you never let me move back in… do you think you could at least find it in you to forgive me?”
Bon Bon silently regarded me for a bit. I could try and tell you how long this lasted, but at the time, every second felt like an hour, so I’m pretty sure my estimate would be pretty inaccurate. Finally, though, she looked down with a frown.
Well, horseapples.
“The thing is, Lyra…”
Oh, please just let it be over quickly…
“The thing is… I have some apologizing of my own to do.”
Either I was hallucinating for a moment, or we weren’t far enough from Vinyl’s place, because I could’ve sworn I heard a record scratch right then.
“Huh?” I know, much eloquent. So tact. Wow.
“Don’t get me wrong, you still went overboard,” she paused, giving me a look (you know the one), “But I think I overreacted, as well.” I waited for her to continue.
“It just… aggravated me. You constantly came up with hair-brained and half-baked schemes, sometimes to the point where you seemed intent in getting yourself killed… and then you went and pulled… that stunt out of nowhere, without even trying to talk to me about it. I guess I just snapped. I was tired of dealing with it.
“Looking back now, I realize it probably would’ve been better to just sit you down – or tie you down, knowing you,” I gave a sheepish grin, ”And try to reason with you, but at the moment, I was seeing a bit of red.” She sighed, pausing again. “You didn’t deserve to get away scot-free, but you didn’t deserve to be kicked out, either. I’m sorry.”
I sighed. “So, is that it, then? I guess a mutual apology is more than I could really hope for.” I turned to her, starting to speed up and giving her a sad smile. “I guess I’ll see you around, then.”
And with that, I left behind a pony who had defined an entire chapter of my life.
“Lyra...”
Or, at least, I tried to.
“Lyra.”
Stupid fate. I’ve already suffered for my mistakes, why can’t you just let it be over?!
“Lyra!” I winced at the insistent tone and turned back so see a concerned former-roommate.
“You know… this doesn’t have to be goodbye. You’re welcome to move back in.”
My ears perked. “What? But what about yesterday?”
“Well, I did think about it after you left… and I decided that… well, I’m sure you can guess.”
Was I dreaming again? “You mean it?”
Bon Bon nodded, and she only got half a second’s warning before my hooves were wrapped around her neck, hugging her for all I was worth. I could feel her, and when she returned the hug, I knew it wasn’t a dream. It was real. I was forgiven.
“Thank you…” I whispered into her neck as ~~tears~~ liquid pride threatened to leak from my eyes.
We stayed like that for a bit longer than what would’ve been considered necessary, but I didn’t mind. Finally, the embrace was broken, and I couldn’t help a stupid grin from staying on my face.
“So,” she said, “You had an appointment with a human, right?” My grin only grew wider as I nodded. I felt like nothing could go wrong ever again.
My smile was still there by the time we made it to the library.
After a quick knock on the door, Twilight poked her head out. “There you are! And hello to you too, Bon Bon.”
“Hey, Twilight,” I said, “Can we come in?”
“Actually, we’re doing it outside.”
Well, that was new. “Really? All the other times have been in the main room of the library.”
Twilight sighed. “Nevermind. It was supposed to be a joke. Pinkie’s been trying to get me to try out different styles of humor. I guess I can cross that one off the list. Come on in.”
After Bonnie and I entered, I realized with a start how… different everything was. A sizable portion of the floor was covered in white chalk in a pattern that brought to mind an image of a crazy pony with sidewalk chalk having a seizure. There were some unlit candles in what I surmised were key locations, and there was a podium at one end with a large, open book.
After making a round to make sure nothing had somehow moved despite being inanimate, Twilight turned to me again. “So, you got that research done, right?”
I magicked (that’s a word, now) the results of six hours of tired work out of my saddlebags. “Yeah. I made some rough summaries, and some outlines, where appropriate.” Something caught my eye in the top-right corner of each page. “And I see I put my name on them, out of habit…”
I passed the papers to Twilight, who gave them a once-over. “You know, this isn’t bad for one night of research.”
“Thanks, I-” Wait. “You knew ?!”
She let out a small laugh. “Sorry, Lyra, but you’re a terrible liar.”
“Don’t I know it.” Bon Bon quipped. So that’s how it was going to be, eh?
No, I’m not Haynadian. Stop looking at me like that.
Twilight let out a small laugh, before looking back and forth between my notes and the chalk on the ground. “Yeah…” she muttered, “I can do this.”
She made a few short-lived patterns in the air before I spoke up. “Do you need me for anything?”
She gave me a contemplating look before shaking her head. “Not really, I’ve got it all handled. You’re free to watch, though. Of course, you’re welcome to stay, too, Bon Bon.”
“I may as well see if all the insanity was worth it.”
“Then both of you go ahead and stand over there” -she nodded toward the circle- “While I adjust a couple things.”
In a moment of clarity, I realized this was it. This whole week was (more or less) leading up to this event. Some part of me realized this would be a milestone in Equine history. The first human with irrefutable evidence of its existence! I was sure the vocabulary alone would’ve been enough to make Twilight proud.
Bonnie and I stood side-by-side next to the chalk for a few moments before Twilight took her place opposite us, behind the podium. A hushed silence was quickly formed between the three of us as an initial aura formed around Twilight’s horn. The candles were quickly lit, and the chalk lines started to take on a fluorescent glow. The room around us seemed to get darker and darker, cutting us off from the rest of the world. I couldn’t even see the walls if I squinted, not that I tried.
Instead, my focus was captured by the small swirls of magic that started to appear, like fleeting contrails. It was really cool, too. They were glowing, but not bright enough to hurt your eyes when you looked right at them. They all rotated around the center of the circle, the ones farther out moving much faster.
Part of me became scared. Afraid I’d be pulled into the center of the vortex and never see the light of day again. Bon Bon must’ve noticed it, because I suddenly felt her hoof over my shoulders. I tore my gaze from the sight before me to give her an appreciative smile, and put my arm over her withers in kind.
A slight wind started tugging at my mane, though the candles’ flames remained unaffected. The breeze picked up in speed, pulling and whipping as the streaks of magic flying through the air all started flying faster and faster. The areas they patrolled became smaller as a bright light started to emit from their core, almost blinding in its intensity. I fought the urge to cover my eyes as everything started to reach a crescendo. Finally, all the little swirls coalesced to a central point, and sent out a pulse of bright light.
I’ll never forget what I saw in that moment.
I saw the walls around us, each title of every book forever etched in my memory.
I saw Twilight’s face, eyes closed in an expression of calm determination.
I saw a ball of light, so strong it almost looked solid.
And to my side, I saw Bonnie, the one constant in this second act of my life, catching my glance and giving me a reassuring look.
And that’s when everything exploded.
Some undeterminable amount of time later (though, I imagine it wasn’t too much later), I was awoken by the sound of crying.
Not exactly how I wanted to start my morning, but I certainly wasn’t going to get any sleep by not doing anything.
…What an odd sentence.
Anyway, I forced my eyes open and was greeted by the unusual sight of waking up in Twilight’s Library. Aside from the obvious questions of ‘How did I get here?’ and ‘What did I do last night?’, one question came to the forefront of my mind: ‘Exactly how much did I drink, and how strong was it?’.
After a few moments of waiting for the headache to hit, I realized it wasn’t coming.
‘That’s new…’
It was also about that time that I realized that I had full motor control, slow as it was due to grogginess, and it was then that I ruled out being hung over.
And for Luna’s sake, that crying was STILL GOING ON! Make it stop!
I got up and stumbled over to the source of the noise, hoping to silence whomever was making all the racket. When I looked down at the living noisemaker, however, everything came rushing back to me.
It was a human. It was really small, and had less hair than I thought it would, but it was unmistakably a human . Some instinct came over me in the midst of my shock, and I sat down and scooped him (yes, it was definitely a ‘him’) up in my arms.
Immediately, he started to settle down. His crying died down with his fidgeting, and I just looked into his face all the while. The only things I could think about were how precious and adorable he was. My vision clouded a bit, but it was probably the wind or something. Shut up. Eventually, my gaze was torn away by purple hooves entering my field of vision. I looked up to see Twilight admiring her handiwork.
“Beautiful, isn't it?” I said.
“It really is.” She replied.
“Ugh... how much did I drink last night?” A grumbling voice spoke up from somewhere else in the room. Bon Bon sat up, rubbing her head until she opened her eyes and saw me, Twilight, and the human. “Oh, yeah...” After gathering herself, she joined our little impromptu huddle.
“Well, it’s definitely an infant.” Twilight said, stating the obvious.
A thought struck me. “Wait, if it’s just a baby…” I trailed off as Bon Bon’s eyes widened, no doubt coming to the same conclusion I had.
“So, who’s going to care for it?” Bonnie asked.
“Well,” Twilight said, “You were the one who wanted it, right Lyra?”
My ears perked up. “But wait, how am I supposed to house a baby, let alone feed it? I don’t make bits that often, and-”
“Lyra.” Bon Bon silenced me with a hoof to my mouth. “Don’t worry. I’ll help.”
“…You mean it?”
“Of course. We’ve lived together for a while now… it’s the least I could do.”
I embraced her in a one-armed hug. Disaster averted. “Thanks, Bonnie. Really.”
“Just don’t make me regret it, alright?”
I pulled back and gave her a salute.
“Sounds like that’s settled, then,” Twilight said, “If you two ever need help, feel free to come by.”
“Sure thing,” I responded.
She nodded and turned to Twilight. “Well, if we’re gonna do this, then we should get going. There’s a lot of stuff that needs to get done. We’ll see you around, Twilight.”
After saying our goodbyes, Bon Bon and I were out the door. Once again, we were silent for a bit as we walked. The baby I was holding seemed to have dozed off for the moment. I guess some part of me was still catching up with the fact that, after all these years, I actually did it. I had a human.
“So... you finally did it.”
“Yeah…”
“I’ll be honest, I didn’t think this day would come.”
I turned to her. “Wait, what?”
“Well, they were just an obscure myth, Lyra. The odds of this working were slim, at best.”
I looked dejectedly at the bundle levitating in front of me.
“But,” she put a comforting arm around me, “I suppose this says something about determination and tenacity, huh?”
"Gesundheit."
Bon Bon shook her head. “Come on, let’s get your stuff.”
I knocked on the door of the house that I had left just that morning. After a few moments, Octavia opened the door.
“Hello, Lyra,” she said, “And you as well, Bon Bon. I suppose you two finally made up?”
“We’re just here to get my stuff, and… yeah, I guess I’m moving back in with Bonnie. Thanks for letting me stay.”
“Anything for a friend in need.”
The moment was shattered by a shout from farther in the house.
“TAVI!” Vinyl yelled, “WHO IS IT?!”
“It’s Lyra and Bon Bon!” Octavia called back. There were hurried hoofsteps for a moment before the unicorn in question showed up. She immediately noticed the newest member of our party and lifted her glasses, giving everyone a rare glimpse of her eyes.
“Well I’ll be a second-rate disc jockey on a Tuesday morning…” She said in a breathy voice. “So ya did it? This is a pleasant surprise. I guess you and your marefriend have a kid now, huh?”
“She’s not my marefriend!” I insisted for the umpteenth time.
“Actually…” Bon Bon spoke up, “About that…”
I looked at her, surprised. To be honest, I don't think anything would've prepared me for what she said next.
“Do you think that… maybe… we could give it a shot? Us, I mean.”
I blinked. I don't think I'd ever seen her this meek or embarrassed.
“Us? As in… like… together?”
She nodded.
I thought hard for a moment. Bon Bon had been a sort of anchor in my life for… quite some time now. No matter how crazy things got, I always knew she’d be there to give me a pretty generous dose of reality.
It kinda felt like a big step, but I figured, how much would really change? We were already extremely close, we practically knew each other inside and out… we already lived in the same house, for pony’s sake!
So maybe… maybe it wouldn’t be so bad?
“I… I mean… sure.” I couldn’t help a big grin from plastering itself on my face. I dunno why, but… I just felt happy all of a sudden.
“PSSSST,” Vinyl cut in with a stage-whisper, “This is where you kiss!”
Vinyl, I swear to Luna I’m going to come to your house in the middle of the night and – “Mmph?!”
I just- She- She kissed me! Right there, in front of Vinyl and Octavia! Smack on the lips! And in front of the kid, for Princess’s sake! After a moment, the shock wore off and I sputtered out what little breath I had.
“What the hay?!”
“What? I… I thought…” Bon Bon trailed off.
Oh, snap! Think quick, Lyra!
“No! You’re fine - I mean, I just didn’t really expect it… I guess…”
“Seriously?” Vinyl interjected again, “Did you not hear me or something?”
Oh, yes, I heard you alright… But I decided not to verbally reply. Thankfully, Octavia chose that moment to give Vinyl a look that seemed to get the message across. You know the one I’m talking about.
“Fine…” she relented, “Anyway, what are you gonna name the tyke?”
Okay, I'll admit, that floored me. In hindsight, I really should’ve seen it coming. I mean, kids always have names, right? Even if the spell had created a more adult human, we’d have to call it something .
A name, though… I had absolutely no idea.
“Well…”
“We’ll just have to think about it.” Bon Bon said, putting an arm over my withers. She turned her head towards me, “Right?”
I thought about it. Somehow, I felt everything was going to be okay.
Author's Note
Well... it's been a while, huh? Sorry about that. Be sure to let me know what you think in the comments.
I watched Lyra and Bon Bon walk out of the library, each of us saying our goodbyes. After the door shut behind them, I waited a moment to reflect on things. Replicating mythical creatures wasn’t exactly precedented, so I was certain it would at least turn out to be an interesting experience over the coming years.
I turned around and started walking back upstairs to my study. While rituals were designed to spare the life of the caster by curbing the energy taken from them, it still took a bit out of me. Spike was out for the moment, so I figured I could take advantage of the situation by getting a quick nap in. I hopped on my bed, intending to do just that, but I opened my eyes as a thought struck me. Everything was still fresh on my mind… it was better to take care of it now, rather than later.
Groaning softly that my rest was being delayed, I walked over to my lectern, fishing a piece of parchment, a quill, and some ink out of their respective compartments with some basic levitation. I winced as the action caused my head to hurt, slightly. Knowing the pain would only get worse with time, I decided to finish this quickly.
Besides, I couldn’t call myself punctual if I kept her waiting.
Dear Princess Celestia,
You’ll never guess what Lyra’s latest plan involving Humans was…
Author's Note
So... I guess that's that. Surprise?
In case anyone's interested, I do have a few ideas floating around for a sequel, but... I have a couple other things I want to write before going back to this story.
That said, if you have any name suggestions for Lyra's new bundle of joy, don't be shy. I'd love to hear what you think.
'Till next time.
Bon Bon emptied the bucket of soapy water into the kitchen sink. Letting out a sigh, she started to rinse the bucket as well as the sponge she had been using. Cleaning the walls had taken up the entire day, even with the stepladder. The house would smell like chicken fetus for a few days, but it would pass.
Returning the bucket and sponge to the cabinet below the sink, Bon Bon gave the house a once-over to make sure she didn’t miss anything. She had just finished cleaning the walls, all of Lyra’s little contraptions had been dismantled and disposed of, and her little ‘barricade’ was cleaned up.
Bon Bon sat down at the table. She wasn’t used to the quiet she found herself in. Most of the time, at least one of the two mares were talking – either Lyra going on and on about her beloved bipeds, or Bon Bon chastising her about the ensuing shenanigans.
Bon Bon, having already finished her current library book, retired to her room. Secretly, she enjoyed Lyra’s antics to some extent. She had extreme tenacity and the way her eyes lit up when she got to talking about it was rather endearing – even a little cute. Sometimes, though, she took things too far.
This was one of those times. Bon Bon settled down in her bed with a sigh. Lyra’s craziness was always present, and she had hoped it would tone down some after she moved in. Instead, it only got worse and worse. This last time, she had decided enough was enough. Bon Bon closed her eyes for a nap.
She could at least take solace in the fact that now, she knew things would’ve never worked out between them.