Definitely Nothing Interesting Here
As with many stories in Equestria, it began in Canterlot on a normal, boring Tuesday.
Well, technically, that's not correct. It could be said that the story also began several days earlier, in a village near the end of the world. It could be said it began years earlier when a young filly first dreamed of becoming an enchantress, or maybe years earlier, when she was born... differently from everypony else in her village. It could also be said that it began centuries earlier, when the village was founded. Or even earlier, when Equestria was founded. Or even earlier, when the current universe was created. Or even earlier, when the previous universe ended. That's the problem with stories, they actually begin much earlier than Chapter One, or even the Prologue. The truth is, they start where the author says they start. If it's a bad author, it starts someplace dull and boring. A good author will start it someplace interesting, exciting, or amusing to catch the attention of the audience. A really great, smart, handsome, and yet also incredibly humble author will start the story with a paragraph that's so meta and self-referential that it immediately lets the readers know that this is not a story to be taken seriously.
But we digress. The story, if not beginning in Canterlot, first becomes interesting as a cloaked pony approached Canterlot Palace one morning. The pair of guards who manned the main entrance to the magnificent castle were immediately suspicious of advancing figure. Guards are taught, on their first day, to be suspicious of any pony in a hooded cloak who approaches the front gates. It's right up there with 'Don't go to investigate strange noises on our own, it's a trap and you'll die', and 'Don't ever wander off with any member of the opposite sex who suddenly approaches you and makes sexual advances, it's a trap and you'll die'. Poor constable Fool's Gold forgot that second one, and it turned out to be a trap in more ways than one. But the less said about unfortunate Fool's Gold, and his even more unfortunate butt, the better.
Still, as cloaks went, this one was much nicer than most. Rather than the brown sackcloth that composed many cloaks, this one was a pleasant green, and someone had gone through a great deal of effort to sew a very large, exquisitely detailed rose on the back of it. The seamstress had even sewn in little crystals between the petals that caught the sun and sparkled like dewdrops. Someone had clearly put a great deal of love into it. However, the cloak also made it difficult to tell much about the approaching pony, except that she was a mare.
The advancing figure moved with the gait of a pony who wasn't sure if she was in the right place or not. She looked down at a slip of paper in her hoof, and seemed to reread it, trying to figure out where she made a wrong turn. After taking a few moments to review the paper, she tucked it back into her cloak, then cautiously approached the pair of guards.
Gulping nervously, she asked, "Pardon me. Do you know where I can find... Sell-As-Tia?"
The odd pronunciation of the name was surprising to the guard, but the guards of Canterlot Palace were nothing if not disciplined, so he did not show it. "Princess Celestia is currently in the throne room, seeing to the welfare of the kingdom" he replied, "and what is your business with her highness?"
Looking even more uncertain than before, the stranger replied, "My, um, my grandmum said that as soon as I got to Can't-Or-Lot, I was to see Celestia and make sure she got this letter." She then pulled out a small scroll from the confines of her cloak, and showed it to the guards. The scroll itself was unremarkable, sealed with wax. But on the wax was a single letter. There was no calligraphy, nothing fancy, just a simple letter consisting of three simple, straight lines...
'F'.
Every guard in the palace, without exception, is trained to be able to recognize the seal of important government figures throughout the known world, as well as many obscure seals used by organizations both secret and strange. But there were only three seals that would elicit the reaction to follow.
The first would be the appropriately colored seal of the Lavender Alicorn Observation Organization (LAOO), formerly the Lavender Unicorn Observation Organization (LUOO), which observed Twilight Sparkle, and secretly worked to make sure that nothing like the Manehattan Incident ever happened again. A letter from this secretive and mysterious organization meant that there was another Code Lavender about to strike, an event that could easily spell the ruin of Equestria. Seriously, having Al'gaj'ag'ag'ag'ac'ka, Defiler of Worlds and Despoiler of the Hopes of Mortals show up once was bad enough. Celestia had only managed to convince the eldritch entity to leave after a young filly had given the Elder One a plate of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. The promise of a fresh offering of chocolate chip cookies each year kept The Unpronounceable One from returning, although there had been a close call once when somepony had accidentally mixed in a couple of oatmeal raisin cookies with the offering. The less said about that dark and terrible day, the better.
The second was the blue seal of Hasbro, an even more secretive and strange organization. Asides from the fact that it exists, nopony asides from the sisters knew who they were or what they did, but a new letter came from them each year, often right before another string of catastrophes began. Other than that, nopony knew anything of Hasbro, and the princesses discussed these letters with no one. There was also the seal of The Hub, but none now speak the name of that group, nor of what befell them.
The third was this seal. The seal of 'F'. No one knew who or what this one belonged to, and no one had seen this seal in centuries. But it was viewed as important as the LAOO and the Hasbro's, and warranted an immediate response.
The guard, shock breaking his normally calm reserve, looked up at the cloaked pony, then said, "Stay. Right. There. I'll get her for you." The guard then turned and ran, full tilt, into the palace, bowling over any pony who got in his way, and nearly running into walls in his haste.
Less than two minutes later, there was a thunderous sound from within the palace. A few seconds later, Celestia exited the palace, running so quickly that her hooves left small craters in the floor, and with bits of rubble falling off of her wings: For most ponies, walls are an inescapable reality, but for alicorns, they're mostly just a polite suggestion.
Not even looking at the cloaked pony, Celestia snatched up the scroll, worry and dread clear upon her face. She immediately broke the seal, and began reading. A few seconds later, she visibly relaxed a little. Letting out a long sigh, she rolled the scroll up, and looked down at the pony in front of her.
Regarding the cloaked figure, the solar princess asked, "So... you want to be an enchantress?"
Looking extremely nervous (Which is the appropriate way to look after an alicorn has just Kool-Aid Man'd her way through several walls to get to you), the stranger nodded, and answered, "Yes'm."
The princess, after a moment's thought, asked, "Would you please lower your hood?"
The stranger did so.
Neither guard could see the cloaked pony's face, as Celestia's flanks blocked their view, but honestly, when Celestia's flanks are in front of you, there's nothing else worth staring at. However, Celestia's posture made it clear that she was expecting... something, probably something hideous and horrible, when the pony lowered her hood. After a couple of seconds, the princess said, "Alright, pull it back up." A moment later, she added, "Alright, I can arrange something for you."
Two hours later...
Twilight Sparkle was startled when Celestia suddenly appeared in a flash of light in front of her, a cloaked pony at the regal princess' side. The lavender princess was just finishing her breakfast with Spike, and was about to head over to her School of Friendship to begin today's lessons, so naturally, she was busy. However, you had to make time for the princesses.
Briefly, she pondered if that meant that everypony else should make time for her as well, but that was something to consider later, when she didn't have the very definitely eldest, most important, and most powerful alicorn in Equestria in front of her.
"Twilight Sparkle," the princess of the sun began, smiling warmly. "I have a small favor to ask."
Nodding, Twilight said, "Sure, anything you need, your highness." She didn't really need to add the 'Your Highness', but years upon years of habit were hard to erase.
Stepping to the side and gesturing towards the cloaked pony behind her, Celestia stated, "This young lady is the granddaughter of a very dear friend of mine. She wishes to learn the ways of an enchantress. I'm currently too busy with diplomatic meetings and other, pressing issues in the aftermath of the Storm King's nearly successful conquest of Equestria to be able to give her the time and training she deserves. I understand that you're somewhat busy with running and maintaining your school, but I was hoping that you might be able to tutor her in the ways of magic."
Twilight paused briefly, and considered the request: She was busy, but she was surprised to find that, in all honesty, she wasn't THAT busy. Twilight had, before she'd even proposed the idea of the school before Chancellor Neighsay, written a very detailed plan for her school, sufficient to see the school through the next ten years. While it did need a little adjustment here and there, now and then, it had taken about half of the hard work out of running the school. So she did have a bit of free time on her hooves that she could use to tutor another student.
Besides, the idea of having her own Loyal Student gave Twilight Sparkle a little shiver of delight. She could be just a little bit more like her idol...
"Alright," Twilight replied, nodding. "I'd be happy to."
"Good," Celestia said, maybe a little too quickly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm needed back at the palace: I need to speak with a contractor about patching up a few holes in the walls."
Confused, the lavender alicorn asked, "I thought we'd fixed the holes left from the Storm King's invasion?" She'd been really thorough about putting Canterlot back exactly the way it was supposed to be...
"These are new," Celestia stated, sounding slightly embarrassed, then immediately teleported away, offering no further explanation.
"Huh, that was weird," Spike said, trying to get the last cookie out of a cookie jar. Normally, Twilight would have objected to cookies for breakfast, but she knew for a fact that the last cookie in there was oatmeal raisin, and honestly, oatmeal raisin is barely a cookie, and more of a penance. As Pinkie Pie had once told her, 'Oatmeal raisin cookies were either invented by someone who honestly didn't understand the concept of cookies, or by someone who just hated ponies.' Twilight couldn't argue with that.
Twilight shrugged, then turned towards her guest. "Alright, so let's get started. I know a few books I can give you to read. If you don't mind, Miss..." Twilight stopped, surprised to realize that, with Celestia having left so suddenly, the lavender princess knew almost nothing about her new student...
With an odd accent, the stranger said, "My name is 'The Rose That Blooms Gloriously In The Morning As The Dew Sparkles Upon It Like A Thousand, Thousand Diamonds'."
Twilight, confused, replied, "Ooooo... kay. What do your parents call you?"
"The Rose That Blooms Gloriously In The Morning As The Dew Sparkles Upon It Like A Thousand, Thousand Diamonds," was the immediate reply.
Spike stifled a chuckle at that.
"And your friends?" Twilight asked, almost certain of the answer, but certain that she had to play this out as far as it goes.
The cloaked mare hesitated, then said, "I don't really have any. I guess the closest thing I have to one is my cousin, 'Crawling In My Skin, These Wounds They Will Not Heal, Fear Is How I Fall, Confusing What Is Real."
Spike didn't bother to conceal his laughter at that one.
Now completely certain of the answer she would shortly receive, Twilight asked, "And what does he call you?"
"The Rose That Blooms Gloriously In The Morning As The Dew Sparkles Upon It Like A Thousand, Thousand Diamonds," was the cloaked pony's prompt reply. Then, after a moment, she added, "When he isn't calling me 'coward', 'ugly', or 'wimp'."
Spike's laughter died at that last part, and he asked, sincerely, "And you consider him a friend?"
"Compared to what a lot of the other ponies call me, it's a compliment, honored dragon," The Rose That Blooms Gloriously In The Morning As The Dew Sparkles Upon It Like A Thousand, Thousand Diamonds replied, a little sadly. "Besides, he isn't wrong. I'm the weakest, ugliest, scarediest pony in the village where I grew up. I'm so weak, I can barely deal with the worms that try to get into our garden, so ugly that most other ponies won't even look at me, and so cowardly that I run and hide every time a stranger comes into the village..."
"And you want to be an enchantress?" Spike asked, curious.
Nodding, The Rose That Blooms Gloriously In The Morning As The Dew Sparkles Upon It Like A Thousand, Thousand Diamonds said, "Yes, honored dragon, that's correct. I know I'm not very competent, attractive, or confident, but I hope you'll take good care of me." She bowed, respectfully, then turned to Twilight, and repeated the bow.
Well, Twilight thought to herself, it looks like I'll have to do more than teach her magic. She'd have to instill a little confidence and self esteem into her new student. Maybe a few workouts with Rainbow Dash would help with her strength and confidence. Or maybe Fluttershy to start with: It would be better to learn to walk before she tried sprinting or running a marathon. And maybe Twilight should pay this village a visit: If everypony was treating her like this, and her parents didn't do anything to stop it, it was certainly someplace that could benefit from a few friendship lessons... and maybe a few kicks in the backside. There was no call for anypony to treat another pony this way, especially a well mannered young lady like this one.
Spike, still beaming from the 'Honored Dragon' compliments from earlier, said, "Okay, so first, we need to give you a nickname. The Rose That... whatever, is too much of a mouthful." He thought for a second, then said, "How about we just call you Rosie for short?"
Bowing again, 'Rosie' said, "If that is your wish, honored dragon, then it shall be so."
"And my name is Spike," he said, still liking Honored Dragon, but knowing it would get old pretty quick. He briefly frowned: That last cookie was a slippery son of a bandersnatch. He almost had it...
"Your will, Honored Dragon Spike," she responded, without a trace of irony.
"Okay, 'Rosie'," Twilight said, wanting back in on the conversation, "If you'll take off your cloak and get comfortable, I'll get you a few books you can start reading. After I've finished lessons for the day, we can discuss what you've learned." And I'll introduce you to all my friends, she added mentally. If Rosie had spent all her life with ponies who spent all their time deriding her, she'd need all the friends she could get...
Twilight turned around, then began heading in the direction of her personal library, then stopped suddenly when she heard the sound of the cookie jar shattering.
Whipping her head around quickly, Twilight, with more than a little anger, shouted, "Spike! Just because it was hard to get that cookie out is no reason to..." She stopped, seeing Spike's expression. It was a combination of shock and awe that she'd never seen on his face before. Following the direction of his gaze, she saw why, and couldn't keep a matching expression from her face.
Rosie had taken off her cloak, and she looked nothing like either of them had expected.
The first thing that Twilight noted was the color of Rosie's coat. It was a brilliant red, the color of a rose. Her mane was a lustrous sable that even Twilight admitted she wanted to run her hooves through. Her emerald eyes sparkled, and her face was absolutely flawless: Twilight had once met Fluer De Lis, the wife of Fancy Pants, and the young princess had thought that this white coated, pink haired unicorn was the most beautiful unicorn in all the world. But Rosie's face was so beautiful that she'd have made Fluer De Lis tear out her mane and weep in despair, calling herself a hideous crone. What made it all the worse was that while Fleur De Lis had what was considered a nearly flawless figure, there was no 'Nearly' to Rosie: She had the kind of figure you might only find in an artist's representation of the perfect pony, but somehow even more so. There was no flaw, no imperfection to be found on any part of her body. And because of that, it was impossible to describe her: After one look at her, painters would break their brushes, throw out their paints and burn their easels; sculptors would throw aside their hammers; and poets would take a vow of silence, and never put pen to paper again: Neither paint, nor stone, nor words could do justice to the reality that was The Rose That Blooms Gloriously In The Morning As The Dew Sparkles Upon It Like A Thousand, Thousand Diamonds. She was perfection, but more than perfection: Perfection was an unattainable ideal, a concept, and yet here it was, given flesh and form.
So struck by the awe-inspiring beauty of this, the so-called 'ugliest pony in the village', it took several seconds to take note of Rosie's possession of both a horn AND wings.
"You're... you're an alicorn?" Twilight Sparkle asked, shocked.
"What's an alicorn?" asked the red and black alicorn with the long and fanciful name.
Meanwhile, in a little village at the end of the world...
Crawling In My Skin, These Wounds They Will Not Heal, Fear Is How I Fall, Confusing What Is Real, a red and black alicorn, withdrew his katana from the corpse of tatzlwurm that had tried to get at the village garden. Twelve today, and breakfast wasn't even ready yet. Typical Tuesday morning, really. He looked over at his brother, to see how he was doing on his end.
Fleximus Maximus, another red and black alicorn, flexed his impressive (Even among red and black alicorns, who were as a general rule, insanely strong and muscular) muscles, and such was their mighty perfection that they briefly distorted reality, causing the five tatzlwurms on his side of the garden to not only cease to exist, but to have never existed in the first place. Somehow, the time-space continuum barely kept itself together after being violated so thoroughly, but by now, it had plenty of practice: The laws and rules of reality, causality, and general decency were regularly rutted like a 3 bit whorse whenever the R&Bs were involved.
From a nearby house, a mare stepped out. Unfortunately, a flock of birds, thrown off-course by a sudden storm and well and truly lost, caught sight of her. Three of them became violently ill, vomiting all over themselves before crashing into the side of a building. Six maintained control of their stomachs, but refused to continue existing in a world that allowed this... abomination to be, and intentionally crashed into the side of the same building, breaking their necks. The last experienced a critical failure on its fortitude save, and literally detonated in mid-air, showering the world in blood and feathers and vomit. The mare didn't notice or care. She never did. She simply called out, "Breakfast is ready!"
A shadow passed over the sun, and Crawling In My Skin, These Wounds They Will Not Heal, Fear Is How I Fall, Confusing What Is Real looked up to see a Stranger, one of the thousand hoof tall abominations that regularly tried to come over the edge of the world to attack its denizens, was approaching. Crawling In My Skin, These Wounds They Will Not Heal, Fear Is How I Fall, Confusing What Is Real, the alicorn who watched over the edge, the Ultimate Edgelord, grinned and put away his katana, then drew his favorite sword, a massive, glowing red, and obviously evil sword whose name, in Neighponese, roughly translated to 'KIll DEATH MURDER SLAUGHTER GENOCIDE SLAY MASSACRE', although admittedly, a little was lost in the translation. Not much, though. "I'll be right there, sis! Be just a minute!"
Less than ten seconds later, the Stranger fled shrieking back to the lands beyond the horizon, crying out for its mother.
It was definitely just a boring, normal Tuesday in this village, the place where the Alicorns Who Should Not Be made their home...
The alicorn known as the Faust looked out over all of this, and sighed. She hoped that Rosie was doing alright. She was the closest to normal that any of the residents of this village could claim, but more than a thousand years away from Equestria had definitely changed what this bunch considered normal here. To keep Equestria safe, the oldest and most powerful of alicorns had to make sure that all of the others stayed put. Still, she couldn't help but worry about her foster granddaughter...
Author's Note
I spent a lot of time thinking about the best April Fools joke I could play on my readers. Today is a special intersection of two holidays, after all, a once in a lifetime event. So, after much thought, I decided I'd do a Red and Black Alicorn story, but it wouldn't be readily apparent that it was one until you'd gone to nearly the end of it, by which point, not only would you be interested, but you'd want to read even more of it. I hope I succeeded in that.
Oh, and I had to include a mention of Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants (P-CRaMPs). After all, red and black alicorns are alright for stallions, but for mares, only creatures like that technicolor abomination that causes nearly all who see her to vomit could do as an explanation for why Rosie is considered 'Ugly'.
And just to wrap things up, please remember, every time you make a truly horrible alicorn OC, it makes the Faust cry, because it means she has one more pony she's forced to keep in her village. The poor lady is overworked as it is, so please show some restraint.
