The Greatest Love Story Ever Told!
“So let me get this straight.” Twilight scratched the side of her head and looked down at the changeling and earth pony staring intently at one another. “He-” she pointed to the changeling. “Was Boulder the entire time?”
Pinkie Pie leaned over the railing, positively beaming at the pair below them who stood motionless, facing one another. “Yupperooni!”
“Uh huh, and somehow Maud knew this?”
Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. “Duh, Maud is like a geologist, of course she knew her pet rock was a changeling.”
“Yeah, well that's where you lose me. Why would a changeling replace a pet rock?” Twilight didn't know how much love a changeling needed but surely it was more than what a pet rock would get right? Than again this was Maud they were talking about.
“Come on, this is Maud were talking about.” Damnit Pinkie quit stealing what I just said. She at least had enough guilt to wilt a little under my admonishment but only slightly.
Twilight however, was oblivious, merely looking down at the pair with increased confusion. Questions like, how did she know? For how long? What was the point of replacing a rock anyway? Also, when was Spike getting back with that tea she asked for? All truly perplexing questions the likes of which the universe may never know.
Well, that was until Spike came through the door behind them with tea in claw. “Here's your tea Twilight. What happened so far?” He placed the tea down and squished himself between the pony’s legs, looking down at the pair with childish anticipation.
Twilight poured herself some tea with her magic, all while never looking away from them. “Nothing, they have just been standing there looking at each other for eighteen minutes. They haven't even said more than five words to each other.”
Pinkie Pie giggled. “I know! Isn't it exciting? I’ve never seen Maud so flustered before!”
Twilight scratched her head and leaned down, peering intently at Maud’s seemingly emotionless expression. “Right… I’ll trust you on that one Pinkie.”
Spike squeezed his head through the bars in order to get a better look but frowned as the pair continued to do nothing but stare at one another. Usually the sight of an undisguised changeling would be cause for alarm but the few ponies that had gathered initially had quickly grown bored and left and the few that passed by barely gave them a glance before continuing on their way.
Maybe it was their resident mage watching over them that calmed the crowd or more than likely it was how incredibly boring the changeling was that made them leave. He didn't seem to move or flinch or glance away from the mare for even a moment and merely sat there like a rock, some would say even a boulder. Get it?
Anyway, Twilight sighed and tossed aside the notepad and quill she had been holding at the ready. Clearly there were no notes to be taken on Changeling behavior other than the single line she had written nearly twenty minutes ago.
Do changeling’s communicate telepathically? The sentence had a line drawn through it as Twilight quickly realized that even if they could communicate telepathically he had never cast a single spell the entire time and changelings could only talk to others of the hive without a telepathy spell to help. And perhaps the only thing Twilight did know for sure was that Maud was not a changeling. Well probably, at this point Twilight wasn't sure of anything other than she was bored.
Just as she was about to turn around and leave Maud suddenly lunged at the changeling, Twilight readied a spell to split up the attackers but it quickly fizzled as her jaw dropped. Pinkie Pie squealed in delight and clapped her hooves together while Spike cocked his head, confused.
“Hah! I told you ponies liked to wrestle. I knew it wasn't just a dragon thing.”
Twilight’s blush grew and she quickly grabbed the baby dragon’s legs and pulled his head out from between the bars. “That's not wrestling, Spike!”
“What? Of course it is just look at them…” He tried to turn around and look back but Twilight’s magic held him firmly. “Hey lemme go, what's the big deal Twilight?”
The unicorn’s blush doubled and she set the dragon down outside. “I am not ready to have the bird’s and the bees talk with you yet mister, now go downstairs and read your comic books and don't go outside!”
Spike rolled his eyes and trundled down the stairs. “Sheesh, whatever mom.” He grumbled all the way down the stairs in a way only annoyed teenagers could.
Still blushing hotly Twilight spun around and grabbed Pinkie. “What are they doing Pinkie? They are in the middle of town for Celestia’s sake!”
Pinkie Pie’s grin grew to encompass almost her entire face. “I know right! Maud may hold back a lot but not when it comes to lovin!”
Somehow the sound of their furious make out session was audible all the way from the second story of the golden oaks library, making Twilight cringe and her blush to return with a vengeance. “Did you know this was going to happen?” Pinkie nodded, merely adding to Twilight’s confusion. “How!? They were just staring at each other! They hardly said a word!”
“Well…” Pinkie said, giving the perfect time to transition to a flashback.
This moment had been a long time coming, Maud and Boulder both knew it but after the Canterlot wedding disaster it became less a nebulous thing they had to do eventually and more necessary. They needed to talk, face to face.
And so, under the watchful eye of the princesses’ student and his now former caretaker’s sister, Boulder unveiled his disguise. To the horror of of Twilight, the shock of Pinkie and the mild annoyance of Maud who was holding him aloft with a single, powerful hoof.
He gently fluttered his wings and gracefully landed, facing Maud who merely smiled, ever so slightly. “So. You decided to show yourself.”
“Yes.” He whispered.
An unspoken truth passed through them, they had finally acknowledged verbally what they had known for a long time. She knew what he was and he knew that she knew, but up until now it had been assumed, both parties pretending like they knew nothing. Now, well now it was out there and they couldn't play pretend any longer.
“Where is boulder?” Maud asked calmly, the corner’s of her mouth twitching and threatening to turn into a frown.
His eyelids drooped mere millimeters, surprising Maud with the depth of guilt therein. “He never was.”
Her jaw clenched and she peered into his eyes but despite the scrutiny she could tell there was no deception. “Always?” She asked. He nodded, though she already knew the answer she had to ask the big question, the one that had been burning in the back of her mind for what felt like ages. “Do…?” She clamped her jaw shut, unable to mutter another word.
“Always.” He answered, the corner of his mouth turning up slightly into the faintest of smiles.
When one sees an outwardly calm individual they perceive as though their mind is calm as well, as if their face can only be calm if their mind is. That however, is a load of bullcookies. Some individuals simply do not express emotion well, all the while powerful emotions roiled just beneath the surface, their mind a frenzy of thoughts and feelings that were so numerous that they seemed to bump into each other and make things worse from the collision.
Maud was one such individual.
Beneath her calm and stoic exterior was a mare of powerful emotion. Pinkie Pie had accidently summed it up quite well one time, quite by accident. When somepony had commented on her quiet and reserved sister and had offhandedly remarked that she must be dead inside, Pinkie Pie had done that cute little giggle snort she does and scoffed.
“No she isn't! We all feel the same stuff, silly! Sometimes it reaches your face and sometimes it doesn't and Maud just keeps all her feelings inside her face!”
Well, I never said it was the most perfect of metaphors but it had always been Maud’s favorite explanation for her unique disposition and whenever she and Pinkie were together and the topic was brought up she would turn calmly to her sister and say in her, flat monotone voice. “All my emotions are in my face.” And Pinkie Pie would laugh hysterically while Maud breathed slightly hard a few times, like when you laugh about something that's kinda funny, but not really so you don't actually laugh? Yeah like that, that's what she did.
So, when her pet rock up and turned into a changeling, even though she had known it was not actually a rock at all, her face may have been calm but under her face. Hoo body, that was a different story.
Ya know, I had an entire description thought out for this but frankly I think Sponge bob did it better so here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZQJhvs4amQ Watch that okay? I’ll wait.
Okay, watched it?
Good.
Anyway, it was like that, only where spongebob was panicking about the loss of his name she was having what amounted to a mini panic attack about several different things. I mean she also forgot her own name for the moment, but that was minor compared to everything else.
Questions like.
Does he know I like him? Does he like me back? Is it okay to like a changeling? Why isn't he saying anything?
And so on.
She continued along that line of reasoning for awhile, and by a while I mean about 18 or so minutes. Up until she answered as best as possible every possible question she could think of and decided that despite not knowing the answer to almost every single one of those questions, that she would go for it regardless. If there was one lesson Granny Pie gave more emphasis to than any other it was this.
“Love with all your heart.” Simple, straightforward, kinda like how she proceeded to tackle the changeling to the ground and began what could only be described as the most vicious attempt to tackle another person’s tonsils with one’s tongue in the entire history of Equestria.
Now Boulder on the other hoof was a little different, now before I get to that I should point out all the ways they were the same. Cus there are a lot of em.
For one they both have the same love for rocks, obviously. It was over a year before she figured out he wasn't actually a rock, which was pretty impressive as she had used him as a doorstop on more than one occasion, nevermind her staggering amount of knowledge on rocks.
On that note, they are both equally as stubborn, outwardly calm and devoted. Boulder never cared about infiltrating the pie family or gathering very much love. He got what he needed and enough to send home and he refused to try anything more. He was happy with his lot in life and was completely unwilling to leave Maud’s side.
Now for the part where they are different, while Maud is outwardly calm, cool and collected and inwardly panicky. Boulder was also outwardly calm cool and collected, however he was a little more than frantic.
Allow me to paraphrase his thoughts for those eighteen or so minutes.
Ahem.
“-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. BY THE FIRST MOTHER WHAT DO I DO? SHOULD I SAY SOMETHING OR- STARS ABOVE SHE SMILED AT ME. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-”
And so on and so on in that same vein. Thankfully none of that emotion managed to reach his face.
The moment she lurched forward at him he felt an odd sense of relief, he wasn't quite sure what she was doing as he could tell she was feeling both a disturbing amount of aggression and more lust than Boulder had ever sensed before. Most confusing though was the tiny shred of genuine, romantic love that was aimed directly at him.
When it finally came down to decide whether or not to defend himself or simply let the mare do what she was going to do he trusted her and only winced a tiny bit as he was tackled to the ground. Over the next few seconds he ate more love than he had ever seen in his entire life and for the first time in a long time he felt truly complete.
Above the increasingly noisy and risque public display of affection, Pinkie Pie smiled wistfully. Her beautiful lips curling slightly as she proudly watched Maud jam her tongue down the changeling’s throat.
“Daw..” She muttered faintly.
Twilight however was fairing a little differently and was trying not to throw up her tea while gagging so hard you would think it was her who was having an earth pony’s tongue getting jammed down her throat.
All in all however the scene was a beautiful one, even if there were two fully grown adults playing tonsil hockey in the middle of town like a pair of horny teenagers.
There was just one last thing to do, I straightened my tie, and emboldened by the love in the air I approached Pinkie Pie only for her to turn to me and shake her head. “Maybe next time Dissy, I’m not feeling it today.”
With a curse on my lips and the wind beneath my wings I left the lovey dovey scene behind, this tumbleweed has gotta keep on tumbling.
Wait, no that wasn't very good, gimme a second…
Oh never mind, screw the whole thing.
Author's Note
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