Involuntary Voyeur

Twilight Sparkle carefully re-rechecked her note cards for the morning lecture: “Magical Items and the Unexpected Friendships They Created.” Satisfied (again) that she had indeed covered everything from Clover the Clever’s Cloak to the Amulet of Aurora, she shifted the notes to the podium. Though maybe she should present them in alphabetical order? She realized that class time was about to begin and (very, very reluctantly) set the thought aside. She watched the last students enter the door. White Lightning’s saddlebags were undone. He had probably overslept again. Ocellus had a fresh scroll ready for notes. Twilight beamed at the thought—such a good note-taker! And there was Sandbar. And Gallus. Twilight hadn’t thought Gallus had signed up for this lecture. The pony and griffon leaned in toward each other and shared a very intimate-looking nuzzle. Gallus brushed a wingtip down Sandbar’s face before the pair parted and Sandbar entered the lecture hall. That was interesting. No time for distractions, though! Time for another world-class Sparkle lecture!

Twilight was pleased to see her best friends arrayed around the large table at the center of the faculty lounge. Twilight set her hayburger tray down with her magic and took an open seat beside Starlight Glimmer. “Hey, Twilight,” Starlight said, “how was the lecture?”

“It went very well, thank you, Starlight,” she replied, hastily popping a few hayfries in her mouth. “Say, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie? You two went on a friendship mission to the griffon lands, maybe you can answer a question?”

“Sure thing, Twilight!” Rainbow said.

“Ooh, that was a good one!” Pinkie replied happily. “It involved baking!”

“And cliff diving!” Rainbow added excitedly.

“Rappelling,” Twilight corrected. “Anyway, I was wondering, did either of you notice if nuzzling was a common form of Griffon farewell?”

Rainbow Dash laugh-snorted, nearly losing the portion of her sandwich she had been chewing. She swallowed quickly and then shook her head. “No way. Griffons are, like, the least touchy-feely creatures out there.”

Pinkie tilted her head in consideration. “I hope you’re right, Rainbow, because I am going to be seriously peeved if I missed out on something during our visit!”

Twilight took a bite of burger to give herself a second to think.

“Gilda certainly wasn’t into nuzzling,” Fluttershy added quietly.

“What about that griffon the Cutie Mark Crusaders helped?” Starlight asked. “She seemed friendly enough.”

“Gabby,” Applejack said, “and, no, I woulda heard about it if some griffon’d been nuzzling my little sis.” She turned back to Twilight. “Why the sudden interest, Sugar Cube?”

Twilight shook her head. “I really shouldn’t be spreading rumors.”

“Darling!” Rarity interjected, “It’s not a rumor if it’s shared among teachers in the best interest of the school.”

“Still sounds like gossip to me,” Applejack stage whispered to nopony in particular.

Rarity ignored the comment. “May I surmise this is about our resident griffon?” Her horn lit up, and she pulled a bejeweled fan from a bag beside the table. As it spread out and fanned her, the smallest blush crept into her cheeks. “Ooh, romance! Do tell.”

“Rarity!” Twilight chastised, “I am not going to have the faculty lounge turn into the gossip nook of the Ponyville Retirement Village.” She huffed. “Gallus is welcome to nuzzle anypony he wishes.”

Starlight slapped a hoof to her forehead. “Very subtle, Twilight.”

“Anypony!” Rarity cooed.

Twilight groaned and covered her face with both hooves. She had really stepped in it now.

“And so many eligible mares to choose from!” Rarity gushed.

Starlight cleared her throat. “Or stallions.”

Twilight raised her head to stare at her guidance counselor, and saw all her friends do the same. How did she know?

“I’m just saying!” Starlight said, a small blush creeping into her face. She stared down at her plate, poking a fry at a large dollop of ketchup.

“Starlight…?” Twilight said.

The other unicorn kept her face down. “I invoke the counselor-student privilege,” she said. “I’ve already said too much.”

“So he’s into stallions?” Applejack said incredulously. “But he’s not even, like, all fancy,” she said with an exaggerated wave of her hoof.

Rainbow Dash gave an exasperated huff. “Yeah, well, Fluttershy’s not even a little butch, but let me tell you, she can eat pu-“

“RAINBOW DARING DASH,” Fluttershy yelled, causing the blue pegasus to flinch. “Needless to say,” she continued in her usual meek voice, “it’s not always so obvious.” Rainbow had the good grace to at least look embarrassed.

Applejack tapped the table with a hoof thoughtfully. “That might explain the necklace, though.”

The necklace? Twilight replayed the last hour in her mind. Gallus had been wearing a necklace of some kind, she realized. What had it been?

Rarity’s face lit up. “Did you say necklace, Darling?”

“Reckon I did.”

“I knew you had an eye for fashion!”

Applejack shrugged. “Just noticing somethin’ new, s’all.”

“Was it, perhaps, an exquisite, hoof-carved piece of jade?”

That was it! Twilight nodded her head.

Applejack shook her head. “Uh, no, I meant the feather.” Her friends looked at her in confusion.

“Griffons have lots of feathers, Applejack,” Pinkie Pie said with exaggerated slowness.

“Not on him, y’all. On Sandbar. He had this blue ‘n yellow feather around his neck this mornin’.” Twilight nodded thoughtfully.

“Ohhh!” Pinkie Pie gasped, nodding her head. “Yup, that definitely explains why I heard them in the shower together during that one tour.” Her face broke into a huge grin. “Kinky!”

Fluttershy’s face went bright red. She and Rainbow Dash exchanged hurried whispers.

Twilight had been right! She had seen the two youths exchange a lover’s embrace. Another part of her realized why that was important. Why it had been bugging her since the lecture. “Oh no,” she said aloud. Several of her friends gave her hurt looks. “No, no, no. It’s not that I have a problem with it. At all. It’s just, oh dear.” She paused, collecting her flustered thoughts. “It’s just that if they’re, uhh,” she paused, forcing herself to talk about an unpleasant topic, “intimate, then they’re in violation of the rules.”

Rainbow Dash leapt from her seat, her wings beating fast. “What the shit, Twi? There’re rules against fucking?”

Rarity frowned. “Rainbow, language!” She turned to address the head mare. “Though I agree with her sentiment, dear. What are you talking about?”

Twilight blinked slowly. She kept forgetting that not everypony was adept at contracts as she was. “It’s the dormitory rental agreement.” Blank stares met her explanation. “Page 4, paragraph 7(b)?”

“In Ponish, Twilight?” Starlight suggested.

Sandbar was out in the market when he heard a very familiar voice yell his name. His ears perked up, and he immediately felt 10 years old again. “Mom!” He said happily, giving the older mare a hug.

“Sandbar, it’s so good to see you,” High Tide said warmly. “I’m surprised we don’t run into each other more often out here. Have you been spending too much time indoors?”

Sandbar shook his head. “No, Mom.”

“Well,” she allowed, “you’re looking nice.” Her eyes lit up. “I love that necklace!”

The necklace.

Gallus’ feather.

Sandbar swallowed around a sudden lump in his throat. “Y-yeah, thanks,” he said.

High Tide reached up with one hoof and lifted it gently. She examined it closely. “It’s lovely, dear. Did you buy it yourself? I thought you were always more into sea things?”

“N-no,” the younger pony stammered. “It was a, uh, gift.”

“Ooh, a gift,” his mother said with layered emphasis on the word. “Is she pretty?”

“MOM!” Sandbar said, feeling heat rising to his face.

“Oh goodness, dear, you needn’t get so worked up.” She released the feather, letting it fall back against seafoam green fur. “Your father is making his famous barley soup this weekend. You’re welcome for dinner if you can get the night away from your studies.” She gave him a small kiss on his cheek. “And I’ll find room at the table for a special somepony, if you want.”

Sandbar was staggered.

Oh Light, I have to tell my parents.

He kissed his mom on the cheek reflexively. “Um,” he said. His heart was pounding. “Yeah,” he said.

Okay, you can do this. You can totally have dinner with your family and your boyfriend.

What could go wrong?

“Y-yeah,” he said, “I-I’d like that?” He wasn’t sure why that had come out as a question.

His mother tapped his shoulder with one hoof fondly. “Tell her she doesn’t need to bring anything. But if she does anyway, remember that red wine pairs best with the soup.” She kissed him again before stepping away to finish her shopping.

Sandbar sat down in the middle of the market and wondered how in Tartarus he was going to make this work.

Sandbar paced around the commons until he worried he was going to wear a hole around the fountain.

“Okay,” he said aloud, his pace slowing. “Okay,” he said to himself. “It’s just dinner. With your family. Who want to meet your girlfriend. Except you have a boyfriend. Who’s a griffon.” A cold tingling of dread spurred his hooves to move faster, until he was moving at a canter. On a positive note, he thought, he couldn’t decide which part would shock them more, so maybe it would be too hard for them to focus on either topic. He shook his head; his parents had always been excellent multitaskers.

A loud voice interrupted his apprehensive reverie. “Why pony making worried face? Is pony school being invaded? Again?”

Sandbar shook himself and focused his attention on the yak beside him. “What? No. No.” He paused. “I mean, I assume it’s not.”

“Then why so sad? It beautiful sunny day.”

Actually, Sandbar was chilly in the brisk autumn air, but he wasn’t about to argue with everything else on his mind. “I have to tell my family about Gallus.”

Yona’s face lit up. “A CELEBRATION. Yak go find pink party professor pony!”

“No! No no no!” Sandbar urged, pulling Yona to a stop. He shuddered thinking about what kind of monstrous party Pinkie Pie would throw for this occasion. “No, it’s more complicated than that, Yona.” He sighed. “They don’t know I’m-“

The silence stretched, and Yona bent her head low, listening.

“Well, that I’m with Gallus.”

Yona blinked slowly. “Uh huh. That why you’re telling them.”

Sandbar dragged a hoof down his face. “No, it’s… I dunno.” He kicked a stray piece of gravel off the path. “My parents have only seen me date girls. And ponies,” he added with a grimace.

“OH!” Yona nodded. “You worry about coming out!”

The phrase made Sandbar shudder in anguish. He had heard the term before but never thought it would apply to him.

The yak nodded to herself. “Make sense. Pony have to train very hard to get strong enough to lift ceremonial boulder.”

“… …What?”

“When girl yak like other girl yak, yak come out of ceremonial hut with ceremonial boulder then SMASH IT against ceremonial altar in display of affection. That called coming out.”

“I? …What?”

Yona nodded confidently. “Sandbar pony need lots of strength training. Yona help if wanted.”

Sandbar shook his head. “Uh, no, that’s… No, but thank you, Yona.”

“Pony welcome,” she said with a smile.

“I don’t get it,” Smolder said.

“Ponies care deeply about their family bonds,” Silverstream explained.

“Uh huh,” the dragon said,

“And ponies also worry about perceptions about sexuality. I think,” added Ocellus. Silverstream nodded in agreement.

“But why?” Smolder complained. “All this worry about something that’s not bothering anyone.”

Ocellus shrugged, “To be honest, I don’t really get it either. Changelings are much more fluid, physically, and I think that’s led to us having less concrete preferences about sexuality.”

“Wait,” Smolder said, raising a claw to stop the conversation, “are you saying you could become male?”

“Oh my gosh! Do it, do it!” Silversteam encouraged. The little changeling blushed.

“Guys, can we focus for a minute?” Sandbar asked. “We’re supposed to be talking about my family dinner.”

Ocellus’s form flashed with green magic and suddenly a much heavier looking drone was sitting before them. “Like this?” he asked in a deep, shy voice.

Silverstream squealed in delight. “No way!” Smolder said in appreciation. “Is your junk changed too?”

“Guys!” Sandbar said in exasperation. His three friends looked at him, with varying degrees of embarrassment and chagrin. “What do I do?”

“Be honest,” Silverstream counseled.

“Be kind,” baritone-voiced boy Ocellus added.

“I still don’t see why there’s a problem,” Smolder said. “It’s not like they can stop you, right?” She turned her attention back to Ocellus. “So do you get guy parts or not? Inquiring dragons need to know.”

Sandbar sighed.

“So why are we looking at wine?” Gallus asked, picking up a bottle and glancing at the intricately-designed label. “Not that I’m complaining. I just thought you were more into cider.”

Sandbar blushed. “I-I am. Usually.”

His boyfriend gave him a hard look. “Spill it,” he commanded sternly. “Something’s bugging you.”

Sandbar sighed. “I ran into my mom in the market.” The pony watched Gallus’ face go stony. “And she invited me to dinner.”

“Okay,” Gallus replied slowly.

“And, she may have invited you, too.” The griffon’s face lit up in surprise. “Kind of,” the pony amended.

Gallus frowned. “Kind of?”

“She maaaay think I have a marefiend.”

“Oh.” The griffon put the wine bottle down gently.

Sandbar fidgeted nervously. “A-and I didn’t correct her.”

“Ah,” Gallus said quietly.

Sandbar took a deep breath. “But I want you to come with me. To dinner. With my family.” It all came out in a rush. Gallus leapt forward and gave the pony a tight hug.

“I love you,” Gallus said. Sandbar heard a strange, strangled sound. He thought he must be hallucinating, because it almost sounded like Gallus was crying. Nothing made his griffon cry.

“I love you too” Sandbar managed to squeak through the crushing pressure from the hug. Gallus released him and swiped a claw at his eyes. Sandbar felt a burst of nervous mania grip him. “Ha ha ha, oooh.” He shivered. “Ooh, they are going to be super surprised.” He glanced at shelf upon shelf of wine. He was going to have to get his mom something good. Too bad he had no idea where to start.

Sandbar was fidgeting nervously on a bench outside the Head Mare’s office. Spike had pulled him aside before P.E. without saying what Head Mare Twilight had wanted. It was almost creepy how quiet the halls were when classes were in session. An echo of hoofsteps approached. Counselor Starlight walked up to the green earth pony. She sighed. “Sandbar,” she nodded in greeting. He nodded back. Starlight lay a hoof on his shoulder. “Come on, let’s get this over with.” She pushed open the large doors and walked inside. Sandbar saw his boyfriend sitting nervously at one of the two chairs before Twilight’s desk. The earth pony waved one hoof discretely in greeting. Gallus put on a half-hearted smile. Sandbar swallowed past a sudden lump in his throat.

Starlight motioned to the other chair, and Sandbar climbed up and sat down.

“Sandbar,” Twilight acknowledged the stallion. “Gallus.” She took a deep, slow breath. “It’s come to my attention that you two are, uh, ahem.” She blushed broadly. “Well, that you’re in violation of paragraph 7(b) of the dormitory rental agreement.”

“Paragraph what now?” Sandbar asked.

Twilight levitated two stacks of paper to Sandbar and Gallus. “Paragraph 7(b). I think you’ll find it’s pretty self-explanatory.” Sandbar flipped quickly through the pages until he found the paragraph in question.

1. Community Standards
   …

(b) You may not engage in sexual activity while your roommate is present in the room. And sexual activity within your assigned room should not ever deprive your roommate(s) of privacy, study, or sleep time.

Sandbar blinked slowly. If Gallus hadn’t ever broken that rule in the first place, his life would be a whole world different. And not, he decided, in a good way.

“Okay, I get it, technically,” Gallus said.

“The rule exists for good reason,” Twilight said carefully. Sandbar felt his stomach clench in fear. Would he have to move out? What did this mean for him and Gallus?

“Objection,” Starlight Glimmer said.

Sandbar looked up from the contract in time to see Head Mare Twilight frown. “This isn’t a formal hearing, Starlight, you don’t need to make objections formally.”

The unicorn scoffed. “Well then let me say, unofficially, that this is bullshit.”

Twilight’s face turned red. “Starlight!”

“No, Twilight, this is a load of crap and you know it. You knew it when you brought it up this morning, and I don’t honestly know what you’re doing dragging these fine youths into it, when you could have just changed the rule unilaterally.”

“It’s a good rule!” the alicorn protested. “It’s there for a perfectly good reason!”

“So was my rule about cutie marks!” Starlight shouted. Sandbar looked at Gallus nervously. This argument suddenly felt like it was no longer about them. Starlight drew a deep breath and lowered her voice. “You may have convinced yourself of the whole ‘greater good’ thing, but I don’t buy it, and you know your other friends don’t either. Just write in an exemption for roommates who are dating or married.”

“But what if a mare and stallion want to room together?” Twilight asked.

“Let them!” Starlight said in exasperation.

“Times change,” Sandbar interrupted. “T-that’s one of our lessons, right?”

Gallus stepped out of his chair and placed a claw gently on Sandbar’s shoulder. “Schools change, too. I never would have been allowed to enroll at a normal pony school.” The griffon tuned his gaze to the Princess of Friendship. “That’s what that Neighsay pony was talking about, right?” The griffon gave Sandbar a brief nuzzle. “I’m a better griffon for the time I’ve spent here.”

“A-and I’m a better pony,” Sandbar offered. “I never would have been able to face this part of myself with honesty and loyalty without Gallus by my side.”

Twilight’s expression softened, looking at them. “You’re right. You’re right, of course.” She sighed. “I’m so sorry to have put you through this.” Her face shifted slowly into a small smile. “I think you two helped me learn an important friendship lesson today. Even if it was about,” her face soured, “sex.”

“Oh, come off it, Twilight,” Starlight said in an amused tone.

Twilight Sparkle shook her head. “I like my stallions like I like my murder mysteries. Fictional.”

Starlight laughed and patted Sandbar and Gallus on their shoulders. “Go on, you two,” she said warmly, “I think Twilight and I have a contract to re-write.”

Sandbar hugged his boyfriend warmly.

One unexpected crisis down, one terrifying family dinner to go.