An Aprilly Time of Foalishness

“Yak is very happy because ponies brought Yona back in one piece!” Rutherford beamed.

“Indeed, I have to say that’s very impressive of you all, caring about our children’s lives so dearly.” A badly injured Seaspray added.

“Well, heh heh...” Twilight half-smiled, presenting the retrieved children in front of all the representatives minus Grampa Gruff. “It’s... uh, what we do!”

“So is Thorax like, the new representative of those hippo scums?” Ember pointed at Thorax next to him.

Thorax blushed and scratched his head. “You can say that I guess. I mean, I already got my brother to take over in case I’m away from regular duty.”

Starlight snorted, “You mean that uglymon who catcalled me at night and tried to seduce Trixie? Who would even want to date a suicidal no-life like her? She should’ve just hanged herself rather than diving into a manticore!”

Rainbow Dash widened her eyes. “Uh, aren’t you two like friends?”

The unicorn grossed out. “Friends? Ugh please! She’s not worth any ounce of friendship! I’m only trying to acquire some of her magic tricks so I can conduct an experiment that will change the world forever.”

“I mean... okay then...”

Thorax was stunned by her shocking insult. Fluttershy leaned towards Starlight and whispered to her,

“Um, Starlight, let’s not get too negative with them. It’s not nice if we’re on bad terms, right?”

“Was I talking to you? Cock-juggling butter creamed thunder cunt!”

Fluttershy frowned. “Alright sister, that was a drag. I’m begging you to stop—”

“FUCKING CHANGELING MEAT TULIPS WATERY MOUTHFUL OF SEMEN GUZZLING COCK SUCKER!”

“Wait, what does that even mean?” Thorax scratched his head.

“It means you’re pretty handsome—”

Fluttershy instantly digressed back to Thorax, “She was trying to say that your people produce much sexual intercourse for the sake of immoral acts rather than the future of your kind.”

Everyone else shot glares at Fluttershy.

“What? I like defining biology-related terms! Why else would I keep a bunch of furry breast-sucking mammals for?”

“Okay Starlight, that does it! We changelings always had a purpose to thrive before your mother fed you milk!” He prepared to charge into the unicorn at full speed.

“No! Hey! Shut up! It’s Spike Time—”

Prince Rutherford stomped over the drake. “Yak no like diplomatic conflicts, but yak loves war!” He shoved Seaspray and Ember aside and charged towards Starlight and Thorax.

“EVERYONE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Twilight casted a spell to amplify her voice, leaving everybody else speechless in the dust. “I don’t care whether the first aunt of your second brother’s granddaughter had a blue waffle in her hairy axe wound”—

“Isn’t that basically my niece?” Thorax asked the crowd.

—“but if we can’t reopen this school due to some stupid international quarrel then Y’ALL CAN KISS MY MEAT FLAPS—”

“What our dear Princess Twilight was trying to say,” Princess Celestia interrupted by stepping in front of her student, “is that we have to cooperate in order to properly spread friendship to each and every one of you. The benefit of that is to peacefully negotiate any foreign affairs that you all have with one another.”

Ember nodded. “That’s dumb valid.”

“Yak can’t agree more!” Rutherford stomped onto the ground.

“Fair words, your highness.” Seaspray smiled. “Now I can get Prince Rutherford to fix my back without having to start a war.”

“Well, I guess I can still peacefully represent for Griffonstone and Seaquestria... If General Seaspray and Grampa Gruffs won’t mind that is.”

The changeling prince received a thumbs up from the hippogryph as he remained intact with the ground. As for the griffon, his detached head fell off the now blood-soaked pillar in agreement.

“That’s fantastic!”

Twilight smiled at the ultimate harmony being formed with the species. Her conclusion now is to break the seal that Chancellor Neighsay had casted when he shut down the EEA-uncredited school building—

“HOLYSHIT WATCH WHERE YOU’RE FIRING THAT SPELL!”

Too late, the orchid colored beam pierced right through Neighsay’s chest once he stepped out of the portal. As everyone gasped in horror, Twilight facehoofed and looked away.

“Aren’t you supposed to arrive after I broke your seal?”

The collapsed stallion coughed blood as he spoke. “W-well... I h-heard a loud scream coming from t-this a-a-area, s-s-so I decided to c-c-c-c-ch-ch-check—”

“CAN YOU STOP STUTTERING FOR CELESTIA’S SAKE?!”

“AND I CAME TO CHECK IF ANYTHING’S GOING WRONG BUT THIS SKERMIT BUSTED MY LOAD!”

With that, Neighsay dropped his head onto the ground. Everyone around him and Twilight backed off silently.

“Hehe!” Pinkie Pie giggled. “Neighsay that he’s done fucked up now!”

Quickly hovering Neighsay’s corpse into the lake, Twilight produced a spell to cover him so that his blood won’t be scented as he sank. As soon as she fixed her gaze on the rest of the crowd, she sweated at a rapid rate.

“Why are you sweating off an assload?”

“HeeeEEeEEEeEEEYYYyyYyyyYy!!!!” A familiar voice rang out from the curtains of the waterfall. It was Sandbar, covered this time with dirt and scratches.

“S-Sandbar?” Every non-pony gasped. Princess Celestia and Luna subtly glared at Twilight, Starlight, Spike, and rest of Mane Six, who all each pointed hooves (and claws) at each other. The sisters sighed in disappointment.

“Oh my goodness, you’re alive!” Thorax was the first to reach the injured colt. Ember quickly caught up and carried him back to the group. Heaving a sigh after witnessing the colt's safety, Twilight wiped her forehead.

“Well, thank goodness—”'

“Wait a second." Thorax scratched his head. "If Sandbar just arrived, then who is the Sandbar that was with us this whole time?”

Realizing they’ve been exposed, the changelings quickly retrieved their normal forms and flew off into the sky, only to be shot down by the alicorns and Starlight.

“Huh? I was looking for those guys ever since I became the ruler of my hive. How did they get here?”

“Hey you, stupid looking doofus!” Ember walked towards the frightened colt. “You better tell us what happened or else you’ll regret it!”

No response.

Sandbar finally opened his mouth...

and spat into Ember’s face.

“I ain’t telling you no shit unless you smoke my sausage—”

The Dragon Lord's torrent of flames was ready to penetrate through the little pony's head.

“Sandbar.” Celestia joined up and gave Ember a handkerchief. “May you kindly tell us why everyone else went missing?”

“Basically, your highness...” He began, “We were about to be attacked by these creatures called puckwudgies. When they fired their quills...”

Everyone waited for the disastrous moment to strike upon them.

“They missed all their shots.”

They all sighed in relief.

“But then Pinkie Pie came out of nowhere with her confetti cannon and blew them into Yona’s head. Rainbow Dash rammed into the Two Sister’s Castle and crushed Ocellus with the debris. Gallus was strangled to death by Applejack’s lasso because Rainbow Dash dared her to fight those guys blindfolded. Fluttershy was being useless by somehow encouraging the puckwudgies to continue assaulting us”—

Fluttershy growled. “Well I guess I’m having puny little pony fuckheads for dinner tonight with fuckwudgie soup—”

“—Twilight and Starlight had worse aim than the puckwudgies when they fired their spells at Smolder and Silverstream.”

“Well then, what were Rarity and Spike doing?”

“Nothing.”

“Phew!” Rarity sighed in relief. “Thank goodness I refused to take part in such bloodbath—”

“She was more concerned with her makeups and putting them on Spike than saving us.”

“Fluttershy, darling...” Rarity bit her lips in anger. “Can I join you for this, pony feast tonight?”

“You certainly may.” Fluttershy nodded in her most innocent grin.

“WHAT BLASPHEMY! YAK NO LIKE THIS HORSESHIT!”

“How could you just fucking kill our students like that?!” Ember roared with flames seething from her mouth.

“Whoa, chillax!” Rainbow Dash shielded herself. “It was just an accident.”

“Eeyup! Our intentions were kindhearted after all!”

“We had so much fun playing with these cute animals!”

“Partying is so much better with killing!”

Twilight nodded in agreement. “Exactly! As long as everyone was happy, there is no problem at all— Wait, WHAT THE HAY DID Y’ALL JUST SAY?!”

The Mane Six scratched their heads. Rainbow Dash awkwardly laughed by herself.

“Well, maaaaaybe we did it a bit overboard... Heh heh.”

“Oh fuck...”