Equilibrium's P.O.V.
Her own little heaven.
That's what she liked to call it.
She spends most of her time there, distant and free from most responsibilities as a leader, even if only for a small moment. That was the thing about leading her sector: her subjects are able to do whatever they please and see fit as long as it's within the rules and guidelines that we have set as the monarchy. Honestly, I'm jealous of her. I must lead with order and structure, there is no time for self-pity or indecisiveness. Everything must be planned. But what I wouldn't give to be able to just have time for me. When was the last time I had ever done something for myself? Even her name screams freedom in every way.
Arrow Liberty.
Her subjects call her the Arrow to Heaven. I was never quite sure why. But it has a nice ring to it. The door to her quarters suddenly opened. I caught my cheeks heating up as I hid behind a wall as she strode out of her room, looking a little upset. I didn't take too much notice of her pain, though. Just like any other man, I was unfortunately too into her beauty to notice. Us men really do think with our dicks, don't we? But in my defense, you couldn't really blame me. She was absolutely stunning to behold. Arrow's tan skin, absolutely flawless, adorned with deep green tattoos of vines going up her forearms and shins. Her eyes... As amber as the sunset, usually flaring with fiery confidence. Her body is delicate, yet tough and built for adventure and intrigue. That was rare for me to see. Her wavy, chocolate brown hair was always well-kept, yet wild at the same time with its curl. Almost never any frizz, and it just framed her beautiful face perfectly. But...
Snap out of it, Libri... There's no way in Tartarus you could ever be with her... Yes, you two are perfectly compatible, but we're leaders... It would never work...
I sighed. I always struggled with my depression, but us Libras cannot, and will not, ever allow that to interfere with our work. That's our code! Gods, just hearing me say it to myself sounds so asinine. I'm proud of who I am, yes, but we always have to stick with what everyone knows; the stereotypes. We represent balance and calm. We must be selfless and spend no time pitying ourselves when we can be productive and helpful.
However, in the days of the old monarchs, the princesses of the sun, moon, love, and companionship... That wouldn't have been the case. Everyone could be so unique and so different and no one would think anything of it... What I wouldn't give to be a part of that world again, then Arrow and I might have had a chance together!... But Daring threw me into this mess, claiming I would be the best leader of the Libra nation only because I'm "the most rational". But I guess he's not completely wrong, I've always been more practical and rational than the rest of us, but that doesn't mean I'd be the perfect leader!
I ended up finding myself back in my room, left with my thoughts racing and my heart feeling... More empty than usual... I got up from sitting on my bed to frantically searching my room for something to distract me, if only for a few minutes. I always end up misplacing it, seeing as how I'm always dazed after using it. I look into my nightstand's drawer and bingo. There it was.
A double-bladed silver knife with an ivory handle. My father gave this to me as a gift when I turned 16 two years ago. I opened one of the blades out from its sheath and just stared at it, feeling my eyes well up with tears. The words of my father ran through my head like a rabbit hole, screaming at me to suffer in the sweet sweet silence my father loved more than he loved me.
You'll never be the right man for your lady if you don't suck it up, Equilibrium! Celestia, you cry like a baby! C'mon, boy, shape up! Are you even my son!? Then prove it to me!
I remembered his hand reaching up to slap me, and right on impact, I inhaled sharply, trying as best as I could to prevent a scream from leaving my throat as the shiny, silver blade sliced cleanly across my wrists as if it were butter. Blood spilled all over my black bedsheets, only leaving a red tint in the soft fabric. I brought the knife to another part of my wrists and sliced again, only this time, I couldn't hold back my anger and sadness. I screamed at no one, but yet, it felt as if he were there... Just... Watching...
"I'm sorry!! I'm sorry I'm never good enough for you!! I'll never be able to prove myself worthy of your care, Father, so, please!! No, Father, don't hit me!! FUCK!!"
Once I started cutting, I couldn't stop, my eyes clouded and overflowing with tears, as screams flowed from my throat. Slice. Slice. Slice, slice, slice, slice, slice!! I... Couldn't stop...
After about an hour of endless sorrow and anger, I was worn out. Tired. Just... Done. I found a black washcloth after I had managed to stumble into the bathroom and wiped off the blade before, once again, misplacing it amongst the mess of my antidepressant pill bottles in the medicine cabinet. I took a pill before looking at my face. The longer part of my hair that ran down the middle of my scalp and covered one half of my hair, the center, was black and tinted with the blood from my wrists. Not an ideal look, but I had to shower to clean off the blood from everywhere else. The silver sides of my head seemed to be the only part of me that was... Clean. I turned on the faucet in my sink and splashed my blood-spattered face, taking a moment to look at my cloudy green eyes, once bright, now turned dark with every repressed emotion I faced on my own. The water ran down my wrists, which made me wince in pain. I counted... One, two, three, four, five, six, seven... Seven cuts on each wrist. Holding my breath to help distract from the agony, I washed out my wounds, my skin burning and screaming in complete and utter anguish. My eyes had begun to shed tears once again as I patted my wounds down with a black towel. Black being my favorite color was only a plus ever since I was diagnosed with depression when I was 13. The black would only be tinted with red and was very easy to wash out and hide so no one would be concerned. I took a quick shower and wrapped my wrists with gauze before putting on my leisure clothing. All of my leisure clothing had long sleeves to hide what I'd done.
An alarm beeped at me and I looked at the time. 9:00 P.M. Looks like it was about time for the evening spellcast. A Reuben Goldberg-like device did its magic to automatically create a spellcast spell which allowed me to speak to the entirety of my nation in real time. I saw my own reflection among the blue mist, signifying that I was on. I cleared my throat and smiled confidently
"Good evening, all! This is your leader, Equilibrium. I hope your days were as productive as you have hoped, and that you learned something new today! Tomorrow is a new day, and I will guide you through this crazy game we call life, with enthusiasm. That's my promise to you all. Any hardships you have and will face is only a small part of this life, and there's nothing we as a unified nation can't handle! Goodnight, everybody. May Luna bless you in sleep."
I ended the spellcast with a small burst of my own silver magic and took a long breath. I got up from my bed to open my window. It has been a tradition on clear nights to open our windows to let the moon shine through, to guide Luna's spirit to us to deliver us all wonderful dreams. I needed those tonight. It was... Definitely not one of my better days. I turned off my lights with my magic and blew out the candles, allowing the moon to be the only light I needed. I got under the sheets and closed my eyes, allowing sleep to take my body, my thoughts drifting... Drifting... Leaving me alone...
I worked hard to hide what I did in my room... But... In all honesty... Arrow is all I would need... To make me feel better... I wished she would hold me, soothe me, cry along with me... Just like we did as kids when all we had was each other to make us feel better... But...
We both knew those days were over...
As soon as Daring took charge...
Author's Note
Hello everypony, and welcome to the very first chapter of my new story: "Where's My Arrow to Heaven?". IT'S FINALLY DONE!!! I have been promising a new story for awhile, and it's finally here! I hope you all are enjoying the first chapter, for there will be many more to come! I understand things are a bit rough and unexplained, but those problems will be fixed very soon, I promise. Just to be clear, I'm using a certain website as references for the signs' behavior. I'm not trying to offend anyone's sign, I promise! But thank you for reading, and I hope you will lend me your support!
Many thanks,
Prism
