Realistic Changeling Courtship Rituals

by Codex Ex Equus

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Queen Chrysalis
Length: 2212

Twilight Sparkle accidentally marries Queen Chrysalis, but with extra realism

After many years of battle, Queen Chrysalis has finally defeated Twilight Sparkle.

To Twilight's surprise, she discovers that to changelings, this means they are now married. However, she has some thoughts about this...

***

A reboot/remake of Changeling Courtship rituals, where Twilight reacts in a much more normal way, rather than like a sitcom character.

Published 2018-04-02 01:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-02 01:20:07 UTC

Chapter 1

Twilight skidded around a corner, wincing as she scraped her shoulder on the rough rock wall, but she managed to stay upright and continued to run. She knew it was futile. The caverns—which had turned out to be an entire changeling hive—were a maze, but running was preferable to letting the pursuing changelings catch up.

She didn't know what had happened. Somehow, her friends had disappeared, replaced by the changelings who had lured her here. The last thing she'd seen before fleeing into the depths of the hive was Queen Chrysalis herself coming for her, fire on the changeling's horn and death in her eyes.

Her mistake had become apparent when she immediately got lost; there was no escaping now that she was in the middle of an entire hive full of changelings. What she should have done was attack Chrysalis, on the slim chance that she would have been able to overpower the Queen and then somehow convince the rest of the changelings to not rip her to pieces on the spot.

So now she was running, trying to find Chrysalis and put what should have been her initial plan into action.

She came to a four-way intersection and, with no real thought, turned down the right tunnel. Almost immediately, she came flying back out, heading down the left tunnel instead. So that was what a changeling nursery looked like. She hadn't seen any infant changelings, but there had been an awful lot of grown ones, who were very upset to find an intruder in their midst.

"Where are you going, my adorable little Princess?" That sinister voice rang out from everywhere and nowhere, echoing off the tunnel walls. "Look at you, panting and gasping as you run through the corridors of my hive. Do you really think you have any chance of escaping me?"

No, thought Twilight, gritting her teeth and forcing herself to run just a bit faster. But you're not going to like what happens when I find you.

The tunnel suddenly widened into a cavern, once again filled with changelings. This time, Twilight fired up her horn, surrounded herself in a bubble of magical energy, and threw herself forward. Changelings scattered like bowling pins, and she kept moving, entering a new tunnel as she dismissed the shield. Behind her, she could hear hissing and chittering as the swarm began its pursuit.

But then, up ahead—a glimmer of light. Not the beautiful yellow glow of the sun, but the emerald flash of the Queen's magic.

Twilight swerved to one side, the deadly bolt of magic passing just inches from her ribs. She leaned to the other side, avoiding the next shot that predictably came from the opposite direction as the first. But then two shots came, nearly simultaneously, and she jumped with a flap of her wings, just barely managing to clear them.

As she landed, one of her hooves hit a rock, causing her to stumble and nearly fall flat on her face. This was a blessing in disguise, causing the next attack to pass over her head. When she came upright, she found herself at the hooves Queen Chrysalis, who—to judge by the look on her face—had not been expecting to find the alicorn so close so fast.

Twilight channeled all the magic she had into one massive blast, directly into that hateful face—

—which disappeared in a flash of green fire, revealing a changeling who smiled smugly as her attack flew several feet over its head.

Before she even had time to gasp, Chrysalis came at her from the side, a paralyzing wave of magic from her horn sending the pony crashing into a wall.

Weakly, Twilight struggled to her hooves, only able to stand halfway up. She actually managed to crawl a few feet before collapsing, right at the hooves of Chrysalis. The Queen chuckled, flipping the pony over with a push of her hoof and then planting that hoof right on her chest.

"Almost done…" Chrysalis cooed softly, bending down.

She grinned, fangs gleaming in the dim light of the cavern. That was bad enough, but she didn't stop smiling, the grin growing wider and wider until her jaw dropped open, a low hiss escaping between those deadly fangs.

Twilight watched in horror, until she realized what the Queen's intent was. She squeezed her eyes shut, turning away; if she was going to die, she refused to let her last sight be the face of her murderer.

The fangs touched her throat, clamping down, starting to pierce the skin—and then stopped as Chrysalis withdrew. Still, Twilight kept her eyes closed, quivering in fear. What could Chrysalis be planning that was worse than tearing her throat out? Surely the only thing that would stop the Changeling Queen from finishing her off right here and now was if she had come up with some even more horrible way of killing her.

Then her eyes sprang open in shock as Chrysalis sat down next to her, pulling her upright into a cuddle.

"Oh, you were so perfect, my love!" Chrysalis squealed in a disturbingly affectionate tone Twilight hadn't even known the changeling could make.

She was still trying to process the situation when Chrysalis used a hoof to stretch out one of her wings and began to preen it. Twilight stiffened up in surprise and disbelief, then began to squirm, trying to escape. Any thoughts she had of trying to flee the hive and get back to her friends dissolved as she simply tried to get out of Chrysalis's clutches and get her bearings back. But the changeling's holed hooves were like steel bands holding her in place, and Chrysalis let out a disapproving cluck.

"Hold still, dear," she said, one hoof attempting to hold Twilight steady against the cavern floor. "Your coat and feathers got mussed up in the chase, and I simply cannot have my wife looking disheveled on our wedding day!"

"Your what?! Our what?!" Shock gave Twilight the strength to break free of the changeling's grasp, and she retreated to the far wall. Chrysalis trotted after her, concern on her face, and Twilight cringed back. "Stay away! Just… just stay away and leave me alone!"

"What is the matter, Twilight darling?" asked Chrysalis plaintively. "We're married, the courtship is over. There's no reason to act like this anymore."

"Why do you keep saying we're married?!" cried Twilight, backing up until she was flattened against the wall.

"Because we are." Chrysalis took a step forward, stopping when Twilight flinched, and gave her a confused look. "I try to kill you, you try to kill me, I chase you, I beat you, and now… we're married." She let out a happy sigh. "It was so romantic… just like I'd always dreamed."

"That's your idea of romance? And a wedding?" Twilight blinked in disbelief.

"But of course. It is the traditional changeling way." Chrysalis smiled, cheeks dimpling, and gazed at Twilight shyly from under half-lidded eyes. "I'll admit, I was skeptical at first when you, a mere unicorn, started trying to court me at your brother's wedding.

"But you were magnificent! Escaping the crystal caverns under Canterlot, fighting off my drones, escaping again and freeing Cadance to foil my plan… it was like a fairy tale. And then the years that followed… I 'foalnap' your friend's sisters, you 'lock' me in a castle, I 'escape'... nothing could have been more perfect. Well, except for today."

Horror grew inside Twilight as she realized the full breadth of the misunderstanding taking place here. Somehow, through some misguided beliefs and alien changeling traditions, Chrysalis had actually fallen in love with her, and thought Twilight herself reciprocated those feelings. And now she thought they were married.

Twilight took a deep breath. "Chrysalis… Chrysalis, I wasn't, um, 'courting' you when I did all that. I was defending myself and my friends from you, for real. It wasn't some playacting disguising my true feelings."

"You... what? No, no, no," Chrysalis shook her head, a tad desperately. "Of course you were. You did everything right, your every move was in full accordance to ancient changeling courtship rituals. You followed every tradition!"

"Chrysalis, the first changeling I ever saw was you, when you revealed yourself at the wedding," said Twilight gently. "I'd never even heard of changelings before that. And I definitely didn't know any of your traditions."

"Twilight… Twilight, what are you saying?!"

"I'm saying… this was all a big misunderstanding. I wasn't trying to court you during all those times we fought. I… I don't love you, Chrysalis."

The words rang odd in Twilight's head, but the look of utter devastation on Chrysalis's face as she stumbled back took any humor out of the situation.

"You're… you're joking," Chrysalis managed to say, her voice a hoarse whisper.

"No, Chrysalis, I'm not. And I'm sorry." Twilight shook her head sadly, surprised at how sorry she actually felt. "When we fought, I was fighting for real. I was really trying to defend myself and my friends from what I thought was you trying to hurt them. I never knew what you were really doing. And… not only do I not love you, I don't even really like you. After everything you did, I thought of you as a monster."

Chrysalis didn't say anything, just lowered her head and began to weep softly. Hesitantly, Twilight moved forward, reaching out with one hoof before lowering it.

"I really am sorry," she said quietly. "And while I don't love you, I think if I got to know you, I would like you. We could be… friends."

Chrysalis looked up at her for a moment, eyes wet, then dropped her head and turned away.

"No," she croaked, body shaking. "I… I don't think I could stand that. To see you everyday, and still love you, while knowing you don't feel the same about me."

"Okay," said Twilight softly.

They stood in silence for a moment, Twilight trying not to look at the shaking Queen.

"Do you think… can I go back to my friends now?" asked Twilight finally.

"Of course," replied Chrysalis despondently, with a lackluster wave of a hoof. "I would never keep you from them. I'd never do… never do anything to hurt you."

"Okay. Thank you, Chrysalis. And… goodbye."

There was no response from the Queen, and with one look back, Twilight trotted from the cavern and back down the tunnels to the surface.

She found her friends in a clearing nearby, having the picnic they'd gone out for. The changeling that had replaced her noticed her arrival at the edge of the forest, and, making an excuse to temporarily leave the feast, made its way over to Twilight.

There was no expression on her copy's face as it passed by her, but as she prepared to step out of the cover of the trees her own voice came from behind.

"You broke her heart."

Twilight turned around, to find the now-undisguised changeling staring at her. There were a number of emotions on its face, emotions she hadn't even known changelings could have: anger, sadness, disgust. But, mostly, just a deep, deep disappointment.

Twilight opened her mouth, trying to come up with something, anything to excuse herself. But before she could find the words the changeling was gone, vanishing into the underbrush. She went back to her friends, and if they found her oddly subdued on what should have been a happy excursion, they said nothing.

Had she made the right choice? Should she have shrugged off Chrysalis's feelings like they were nothing, like they were a threat to everything she knew? Could she have at least tried to love the changeling? Given it even the slightest bit of a chance? Twilight spent many sleepless nights pondering these questions, but was never able to come up with an answer.

And in the end, it didn't matter. She never saw Queen Chrysalis, or any changeling at all, ever again.

The end

Author's Note

Well, here it is. This is something I've wanted to do for a while, and I just got around to it today.

As a number of people pointed out in the comments to Changeling Courtship Rituals, Twilight doesn't react very realistically to, well, almost anything that happens. In particular, had she just been honest and upfront from the start, all the awkwardness and unpleasantness that happened could have been avoided.

So, with that in mind, I've rewritten the story to have Twilight act in a more realistic fashion. Of course, the result of this is a very short story, so the entire thing is done after this one chapter.

I have also decided that this remake is the only true version, meaning the other two stories are no longer cannon, and I will therefore be deleting them as they no longer serve any purpose.

Instead, you can look forward to my new story, a 23 part, 750 chapter, 1,650,000 word epic that is really just a poorly hidden rant about how much I hate the season six finale and the direction the changelings have taken on the show.

Enjoy!

(try to remember what today is)

Since the day has now passed... happy April Fools Day, everyone.