Association Berating Unnecessary Stick Exploitation

by BluejayBird45

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mud Briar
Length: 1232

One more pony on the list, and Celestia can get to her club. Hopefully this "Mudbriar" won't be too difficult.

"TECHNICALLY, this isn't my life's calling"-Mudbriar
Oh yes everypony, the new and improved pony is here, the pony that steals your favorite pony, MUDBRIAR.

Celestia hates having to do business shoot downs acceptances. They take forever in a day and keep her from her pinata club. However this time, it'll be different. This time, she'll pull trollestia.

Also known as:
A story in which Celestia is Trollestia and there are many mistakes to be had.

Published 2018-04-05 05:00:11 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-05 05:00:11 UTC

Ultra Platinum Gold Silver Bronze Princess Diamond Edition

Celestia looked at her list, this pony was the last one on her list of "Businesses to ~~shoot down~~ review." One last pony, and then she could get to her meeting of the Pinata Whackers Club, which, as us people should know, she was an Ultra Platinum Gold Silver Bronze Princess Diamond Edition Member of the club. The only special considerations such a member got was: Unlimited Sticks, Golden Sticks, One Million Pinatas per month, No-Blindfold Tuesdays, Membership at the local flight lounge, You-keep-the-Candy Fridays, Special consideration of ALL public restrooms, Exemption-From-Laws Thursdays, and Unlimited Whackings.

Celestia sighed, she felt like that wasn't enough. Heck, some of those she already had as the ~~Queen~~ Princess of Equestria.

Suddenly, and quite expectantly, the door creaked open. A rather gray and drab looking pony entered. He then proceeded to stare at Celestia.

Celestia, following the list of suggestions Raven had given her, smiled politely at this unfamiliar pony. The pony stared back at her. Celestia kept smiling. The pony just kept staring. Celestia kept smiling, becoming rather annoyed. The pony briefly opened his mouth, and then closed it. Celestia's eye was starting to twitch. The pony just kept staring. This whole ordeal went on for two minutes before the pony opened his mouth, and spoke,

"Greetings Princess Celestia, my name is Mudbriar"

Celestia blinked. Really? He takes two minutes to greet me? This guy already sounds annoying. She smiled again and said,

"Why hello there, my good and faithful subject, what brings you to my throne room?"

"Technically, this isn't your throne room. It's also your sister's. I would know, Discord showed me the new intro. Also, technically, you should know why I'm here. I signed the Official Letter for Making Businesses, even though technically, it's more of a Request Form."

Celestia blinked twice. After hearing Mudbrick? Mudpuddle? Dirtmouth?'s voice for more than two seconds, she had zoned out and started thinking about cake. When the pony had paused, she had taken a bit to respond. She cleared her throat.

"Oh yeah, silly me," She dryly giggled, "Must've forgotten. Anyways, hold up, I need to get me list."

Anything to get away from this pony! She thought.

She quickly exited her throne room and looked for the spare list that was kept in the Attic Beyond the Stars (Now only $19.95!). She hoped that if she took an obscene amount of time looking for something, yet still actually getting it in case anypony decided to raise a scandal on her, What's-his-face would leave, realizing the princess didn't care about his business, and forget about the whole ordeal. It had worked, after all, with Twilight Sparkle, surely this pony would be the same.

Two epic fighting scenes, three villain defeats, five mediocre fighting scenes, one direct-to-video movie, and an obscene amount of time later...

Celestia cautiously opened the door, and proceeded to face-hoof herself. There he was, still waiting for her, in the exact same spot he had been when she had left. The gray pony looked at her, and then the Celestia smiling and him looking at her continued for another two minutes. Finally, the pony spoke.

"Welcome back, Princess Celestia."

Celestia calmly sat back on her throne. She was now obligated to find What's-his-face's business. She randomly pointed her hoof, and hoped that it was his business.

"So, you want to start the Cuddles for All Foundation?"

Now it was Mudbriar's turn to be shocked. "What? No. Technically, I NEED to start the Association Berating Unnecessary Stick Exploitation."

Celestia smirked. This would be easy to to shoot down. This pony was probably as naive as Twilight. "So tell me, why should this foundation be started? After all, sticks are just, well, sticks," This was all too easy to shoot down.

Mudbriar gasped. "How, how, how could you?! Technically, sticks are branches that have been cut or removed from their plant, commonly a tree, but sometimes a bush. Sticks are made of wood, which in itself..."

And for the next two hours, Mudbriar gave Celestia a complete evolutionary history of sticks.

"...and that's why a stick is not just a stick."

Celestia woke up. "Wow, did you prepare this as your college paper?"

"Yes."

Celestia blinked again. This pony could strike up a two hour history of sticks, but when it came to conversation, What's-his-face could be so inexpressive. Still, Celestia was determined to make sure the pony couldn't get his association-thing started.

"Well, than you for that, interesting report. But that doesn't change my resolve. A stick doesn't need any protection. After all, sticks are dead pieces of plant matter."

"Technically, sticks are a natural composite of cellulose fibers..."

"Yes, thank you. But we didn't come here to talk about sticks."

"Technically, you were already here. I came here, alone. Also, technically, you were the one who started up the conversation about sticks."

"Yes well, um, back the initial question, why should you start a foundation to protect sticks?"

"Technically, it's an association. Also, sticks NEED to be protected."

"And why is that?" Celestia was on the verge of boredom, much like some readers probably are of this story.

"Because every year, millions of sticks are brutally broken, punched, kicked, whacked, pinched, stepped on, made fun of, sliced, diced, chopped, hurt, pained, criticized, peer reviewed, teacher reviewed, stopped, incarcerated, sung to, made to listen to Desponecito, schooled, beaten, slapped, made to whack pinatas, spanked, mutilated, and things to horrible to speak of, even though, technically, you could say them."

Celestia blinked yet again. Mud something sure felt bad for sticks, almost too bad. Celestia had one more trick because she was tired of hearing this pony talk. This one had shut up Twilight most definitely.

"If you like sticks so much, why don't you marry them? Hmm?" Celestia said with a sly grin. If this didn't shut him up, then nothing could.

"Technically, you can't marry a stick. Also, technically, I have a fillyfriend."

Celestia blinked for hopefully the last time in this story. What kind of weirdo would be this weirdo's fillyfriend? she thought italicly. But that didn't matter. What's-his-face had shot down her best argument. This pony was obviously smarter than Twilight. She had just stood there and stammered, eventually leaving ~~Celestia's~~ the throne room.

Sighing sadly, Celestia mumbled, "You can have your business."

"Technically, it's an association."

Celestia ignored him as she signed the paper.

Finally she could get to her pinata club. She zoomed out of ~~her~~ the throne room and left the pony to get out on his own. Celestia burst out of the castle and at top speed flew to the little shack near the Cuddlethel. She was prepared for ultimate pinata whacking. Knowing that the door would be opened by some sleazy looking pony automatically, she burst towards the door...

...And promptly smacked into the flimsy paper door.

"What gives?" She yelled.

"Will you be quiet? Some of us here are trying to cuddle!" Some random pony yelled from the Cuddlethel.

She ignored the voice and looked at some little greasy sign on the door.

This establishment has been shut down due to stick abuse

-A.B.U.S.E

Celestia let out a loud sigh.

Author's Note

Alright, so I'll admit, this story may suck. But hey, at least we get some good trollestia :trollestia:.