Reverse Intervention

by naturalbornderpy

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 4535

So it's official. In order to better serve his friends, Discord has given up chaos. Now if only the fate of Equestria didn't rest on him using chaos again. Like in the next five minutes or so.

So it's official. In order to better serve his friends, Discord has given up chaos.

Completely.

Now if only the fate of Equestria didn't rest on him using chaos again.

Like in the next five minutes or so.

Looks like it's time for a chaos intervention. A reverse one.

Published 2018-04-05 23:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-05 23:30:07 UTC

Code Spiral

Inside Sugar Cube Corner, Pinkie Pie laid her head down on the counter and sighed. She turned the slightest of degrees to face Gummy, also laying limply on the counter beside her.

“Gonna be a loooong day, Gummy,” she exhaled. “Not a single customer yet! What’s up with that? Did I forget to flip over the OPEN sign again?” She paused. “Did I? Maybe I should check.”

Halfway across the shop, Pinkie Pie stopped.

“What was that Gummy? Someone coming to the door?”

Gummy moved not an inch.

“And it’s Discord!?” Pinkie Pie shrieked, grabbing the apron off the counter to reattach it. “You know what that means, don’t you? Discord always buys everything! Everything in sight! Cleans me right out! And if he buys enough then that means I get to leave early and pet doggies at the park!”

She stuck her face to the shop’s window glass and watched Discord approach, as casually as could be.

“Huh,” she said to herself. “How odd. Usually Discord just teleports inside.”

Outside, Discord accidentally kicked a rock and took the time to put it back. He even patted it a few times once finished.

Pinkie Pie shrugged. “Maybe his fingers got tired from all the snapping. But who cares! He’s here now and he’s gonna buy everything!”

Discord entered the store, pausing to watch the jingling bell above the doorway. He turned to view Pinkie Pie. “Good morning, Pinkie,” he said evenly.

“Hey, Discord!” Pinkie replied, far, far louder than he had. “Ready to buy some sweet treats to stuff right in your face!”

“I…” Discord began sluggishly, “…guess. Let’s see what you have.” He approached the counter, kneeling to glimpse all the colorful delicacies. “These look—”

“Wonderful?” Pinkie Pie cut in. “Delicious? Taste-tacular!”

“Like donuts,” Discord finished lamely. “I will have that one, please.”

From the angle she was standing, Pinkie Pie couldn’t tell which one he was referring to. “The Strawberry Surprise? The one with two whole inches of frosting and fruit!”

Discord shook his head. “No. The old fashioned plain one, please.”

Pinkie Pie was momentarily confused; the words sounding foreign to her. Then again, there were some products that only Mr. or Mrs. Cake produced; usually the less interesting and virtually uneatable type. Her tongue flopped out once she saw which donut Discord wanted.

Plain. Brown. No sugar. No frosting. No fun whatsoever.

She laid the back of her foreleg against Discord’s head. “You feeling alright, Discord?”

Discord laughed. Although it didn’t resemble his usual laugh whatsoever. More like the laugh of a librarian noticing one of their books is one spot from where they’re supposed to be.

“True,” Discord admitted gently. “I guess donuts so early in the day is sort of odd. I must be peckish, is all. Could I get one, please?”

While Discord spoke, Pinkie Pie returned behind the counter. She grabbed a box and faked a smile. Perhaps there was still a chance she could get a big sale and leave early. “One… thousand plain donuts, did you say?”

“One, please.”

“One… hundred?”

“No. One.”

Pinkie Pie’s ears fell flat. “Not even one dozen?”

“Just the one, thank you, Pinkie Pie. Eat a whole dozen donuts by myself? How ridiculous.”

With a sigh, Pinkie Pie handed over the single donut and took the single bit Discord gave her in return. Then she watched as Discord walked towards the entrance again.

“Not even gonna eat it here, Discord?”

Again, Discord chuckled to himself. As strongly as a soft breeze. “Without my trusty knife and fork? Or napkin? You always were quite the joker. Thanks again for the snack.”

Then he softly shut the door behind him, leaving Pinkie Pie to ask Gummy what in Equestria had just happened within her shop.

***

Princess Celestia exited her throne room in a mad dash, soon accompanied by Princess Luna beside her. They whirled around one corner and then another, skidding across the marble floors.

“The guards summoned you too?” Celestia asked her sister breathlessly.

“My head barely hit the pillow when they called,” Luna answered. “Must be important.”

The Princesses arrived at the head of the castle and found half-a-dozen guards gathered around an open window. A few visibly shook where they stood, heavy armor rattling around noisily.

“Just what is going on?” Celestia barked. “I was in the middle of trade disputes.”

The lead guard approached her, not once meeting her eyes. “It’s… it’s Discord, Princess. He’s here. He’s outside right now.”

Celestia’s shoulders slumped as she rolled her eyes. “And? If he throws pies at the castle, just summon the cleaners. If he changes the castle moat to chocolate milk, just get some glasses and send them to the local schoolhouse. It’s not that difficult. And you certainly didn’t need to summon my sister, too, did you?”

Princess Luna crept to the window everypony was standing near. And just like the guards, her eyes bugged out the same. “Umm. Dear Celestia? I think there’s a good reason I was summoned as well.”

“And what’s that?”

Luna gulped. “Well, it definitely is Discord out there. Slowly walking towards the castle.”

“Not floating?”

“No. Not even stepping on any flowers, either.”

“Is he snapping any of his fingers?”

“No.”

“Is anypony else with him?”

“No.” Luna paused and took a breath. “But he does have a wrapped package in his hands.”

“How big?” Celestia asked. “Bigger than a breadbox?”

“Maybe. It’s hard to tell.”

“Expression?”

“Calm.”

Finally, Celestia’s eyes bugged out as well. “A calm Discord is a dangerous Discord. As much as I’d like to say he’s been changed for good, one can never be too sure. Fine. Immediate action must be taken.” A second later, her horn lit up and her voice suddenly echoed throughout the castle. “To all ponies listening, this is Princess Celestia, and I am ordering Code Spiral immediately! I repeat: Code Spiral!”

The window Luna had been looking out of slammed shut with a heavy magical barrier, as did each and every other window or entrance to the castle. Three dozen guards joined the rest at the entrance, weapons or horns ready for action. A pair of guards even lugged a cannon out of storage to aim out another window.

The castle grew silent as everypony held their collective breath. Eventually, they could hear Discord as he approached, both feet quietly tapping against stone.

Celestia stood before the giant castle door, waiting for it to be blown to bits or worse.

Instead…

Knock-knock-knock.

“Hello?” Discord asked softly from outside. “Anypony home?”

Turning to her sister, Celestia mouthed, “Pretend that no one’s here.”

Luna nodded, then faced the door. “No one is here, so go away!”

She tipped Celestia a wink. A wink that was not returned.

“I… uhh…” Discord started. “I seem to have received some of your mail by mistake, Celestia. So, I’ll just leave it out here and you can get it whenever you want. All right. I guess that’s it. Have a pleasant day, Princesses. Bye-bye.”

A tense moment passed as Discord walked back down the path. Inside, no pony moved a muscle until Celestia carefully opened the door and found the package Discord had left. At once, she ordered an evacuation of the castle before opening, yet what she found inside made her laugh.

“What’s Marble Throne Monthly?” Luna asked her, flipping through the pages of the thin magazine.

“A subscription I have,” Celestia replied. “You see the throne near the back with the thirty-two-ounce cup holders?”

Luna whistled as she flipped to it. “I know what somepony’s getting for Hearth’s Warming Eve.”

Celestia waved it off. “You really don’t have to, Luna.”

“You don’t want a new thirty-two-ounce cup?”

Celestia ignored this, tapping on her chin. “Magazine aside, something doesn’t sit right; Discord never acts in such a way. I need to speak with somepony about this.”

***

Twilight Sparkle opened the doors to her castle, clad in a white lab coat and safety goggles. She was already in mid-smile by the time she’d opened the doors for Celestia, who’d arrived unannounced and without any guards present.

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight exclaimed. “What a pleasant surprise! Can I help you with something? I know I haven’t missed any appointments today. I’m always on top of those. A friendship problem, perchance? Maybe you’re craving Daybreaker again? I would just love to tackle that issue! As well as Starlight handled the whole thing, I’d still like a crack at it.”

Without a word, Celestia rushed inside the castle and shut the door. She lowered her voice as if spilling a deep secret. “Sorry to barge in like this, Twilight, but something happened this morning that has my sister and I concerned. You see, Discord—”

“Yes?” Discord announced, stepping out of another room, also clad in a white lab coat. “Oh, hey there, Celestia! I guess you really weren’t home this morning. I hope you got your package all right. I didn’t open it because I’d consider that rude. Now a question for Twilight. Twilight, dear. I seem to have gotten some chemical in my eye. What should I do?”

“Use the eyewash station right away, Discord,” Twilight told him earnestly. “And make sure to keep your safety goggles on at all times while in the lab.”

“Right you are!” Discord said, before popping back inside the other room.

“Why didn’t you tell me Discord was here?” Celestia asked.

Twilight grimaced. “Because you never asked? What’s going on? Why are you talking about Discord like he’s a big secret now?”

“You haven’t noticed anything different about him today?”

A bubbling noise from the other room pulled at Celestia’s attention.

“Just what are you two up to?”

Marching straight inside, Celestia found tables and tables loaded with books and various chemistry instruments, alongside dozens of thin bottles with spiral symbols on them. A few racks stood near the entrance holding coats, protective gloves, and more goggles. Covering the windows were more graphs and charts than she’d ever seen before. And on one lone stool sat Opalescence. For some unknown reason.

Discord returned from the eyewash station, face wet. “That’s better. And look what I found on the top shelf!” He handed Twilight a stack of rolled parchment papers.

Twilight scooped them up in a hurry and gasped. “I’ve been looking for these notes forever! Thanks, Discord! This’ll really advance our work!”

Discord blushed slightly. “What are research buddies good for if they can’t even reach the top shelf from time to time?”

“Best research buddies,” Twilight corrected, before the pair of “scientists” slammed their hips together in a celebratory move. “You want to add those with the rest?”

“I’m on it!” Discord said, shuffling to the other end of the “research” room.

Celestia saw the opportunity and took it, picking Twilight off the floor with her aura and dropping her a good distance away from Discord.

“Just why is he acting like that?” she asked. “Is he planning something? Is he sick? I’ve known him for millennia and this would be a first. Do you remember being hypnotized earlier, Twilight? You can tell me.”

In the face of so many questions, Twilight simply cocked her head to the side. “Haven’t you heard, Princess?”

“Heard what?”

“Discord’s been chaos free for six weeks now.”

“Chaos… free?” A chunk of ice dropped in Celestia’s belly.

“Yep. He’s given it up, cold turkey. Or in pony’s cases, cold… asparagus? Sure. Let’s go with that.”

“But why? He loves chaos! It’s the very reason he exists!”

“Until he had friends, you mean,” Twilight tried to explain reasonably. “Believe it or not, Princess, but Discord decided to do this on his own. He wanted to see if he could, and if it would help his relationships with his friends. And look what’s already happened!” She motioned to the numerous scientific equipment and research documents surrounding them. “He’s my research buddy! And here I never knew just how great he was at all this! Living for so long really does have its advantages! Just today he explained to me why we can drink a drink, but never food a food.”

Celestia stopped her with a hoof. “But didn’t Discord change himself once before? With Fluttershy at his home? He nearly erased himself from existence that time.”

“He’s trying something a bit different now,” Twilight explained brightly. “See all those bottles with swirls on them? That’s actually all of Discord’s highly condensed chaos in a bottle! He makes about a dozen of them a day.”

“So that’s how he gets rid of all that built-up chaos? He literally spits it in a bottle?”

“How’d you guess?” Twilight turned and fetched a small swirly patch off a nearby table. “And if he ever has some serious chaos cravings, he just uses one of these! A chaos patch! Slaps it right on his arm and—”

Celestia cut her student off mid-sentence. “Twilight, please. You know this isn’t right.”

Twilight lifted her safety goggles to reveal shimmering eyes. “But we’re doing such great things together! We might even be up for a Cowbell prize soon!”

“On what?”

“Why cat’s always land on their feet.”

“Fine. Why do they?”

Twilight tipped her a wink. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Celestia faced the pleasantly working Discord with a sigh, then said to Twilight, “I know it might have been his own decision, but I can’t imagine it’s the right one. Discord is supposed to be chaotic. That’s just the way he is. And Equestria needs that type of balance. Black and white. Good and evil. Chaos and harmony. Too much of one will always lead to the rise of the other.”

Twilight furrowed her brows. “How can too much harmony possibly be a bad thing, Princess?”

“Because what happens if something new comes to fill that chaos void?”

The castle rumbled at that moment, causing windows to crack and chandeliers to sway. Across the “research” room, Discord turned back to them, face blackened by whatever had just exploded on the table.

“I’m okay!” he called. “I’m good!”

Twilight hurried over to him while Celestia stayed behind.

She had the worst feeling that that rumble had actually come from somewhere in the distance and not indoors.

***

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash hurried across Ponyville, keeping to the streets and out of the air. According to Celestia and her “secret mission plan”, they were to keep a low profile. Or as low a profile as two members of the Elements of Harmony could manage while running around in their own town.

They came to a halt before a perfectly rectangular house with a perfectly rectangular mailbox. One painted dull grey and with a doormat reading “WELCOME FRIENDS!”

The normality of it all sent a shiver up Rainbow Dash’s spine. “So, this is where Discord lives now? I had no idea he flat-out moved to Ponyville recently.”

Fluttershy gently tapped on the perfectly placed white picket fence. “Neither had I. Princess Celestia only heard about it from Twilight. I still can’t believe Discord’s given up on chaos. I thought he was perfectly fine just the way he was.”

Rainbow Dash cocked a brow at her. “You had to have noticed how differently he’s been acting, Flutts. According to Celestia, he’s been chaos free for six weeks already! I mean… I certainly don’t mind the change. He actually came to one of my Wonderbolts shows and cheered for me. No sarcasm whatsoever!”

“But is that really what the real Discord would do? He shouldn’t have to change just to be better friends with us.”

“But we never asked him to!” was Rainbow Dash blunt reply, before a large quake shook the ground. “What the…?”

A burst of fire leapt out from somewhere behind Discord’s house. Then a loud belch.

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “What do you know. Maybe Discord hasn’t given up chaos after all.”

The pair trotted to the back of Discord’s small yard and yelped by what they saw: four colts around Sweetie Belle’s age laying flat out on the grass, surrounded by small bottles covered in spiral symbols.

“Watch this!” said one of them, taking a pull from a bottle before burping out multi-colored bubbles. All four laughed afterwards. All four also had matching red-and-yellow swirls where their eyes should’ve been.

“Hey!” Rainbow Dash yelled, spooking them. “Did you four steal chaos from Discord’s house?”

The four colts glanced from one to the next.

“No?” replied one, before he coughed out an entire tray of cupcakes. Tray included.

“Get away from here! Don’t you know you’re too young for chaos?”

Rainbow Dash loudly shooed them away, collecting their leftover bottles of chaos as she did. Afterwards, she joined Fluttershy near Discord’s window, looking in.

“Talk about dull,” Rainbow Dash admitted. “One table. One chair. Jeeze! Even his bed’s made. What pony has time for that?”

“Time for what?” Discord asked, joining them by his own window. He must’ve walked up to them while they’d been staring. “Did somepony steal more of my bottled chaos? I sure hope not. I really should buy a lock for this place one of these days. I’ll add it to my list.”

Low profile or not, Rainbow Dash had had enough. She flew into the air, pressing her nose against his. “Okay, Discord! Just what are you up to here? Because I’m not buying your act! Hear me?”

“Yes,” Discord said calmly, “clearly I can hear you. We’re rather close at the moment, actually. What am I up to? As in, right now? Not a lot, really. Just went grocery shopping. Bought a grapefruit. Might eat it later. Might not. Haven’t decided yet.”

“I know your plan!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, despite not knowing of any such plan in place. She had to try something, though. “Trying to lull us into a false sense of security, are you?”

Oddly enough, Discord actually appeared perturbed by this. “You… you know of my plan?”

Rainbow Dash, too, became perturbed by her correctness. “Of… of course I do! Now spill!”

Discord’s lower lip shot out in a pout. “Oh, poo. And here I wanted to keep it a surprise.”

“Your takeover of Equestria? Your enslavement of the Princesses? Your conquest of the moon?”

“What? No. My surprise picnic I had planned for Fluttershy and I. That’s why I bought the grapefruit, actually. But now it’s all ruined, isn’t it?”

“It’s not ruined!” Fluttershy reassured him with a tight hug around the side. “We can still go! I think that’s a great idea! And I can still act surprised, too! Sure, I can! I’ll practice right now. Oh, wow! What a surprise picnic this is! And look at that! There’s even a grapefruit here!”

Roughly, Rainbow Dash grabbed Fluttershy around the middle and soared away. “This is getting us nowhere, Flutts. Looks like it’s time for Celestia’s final plan.”

***

Discord entered the topmost room of Twilight’s castle just as another rumble shook the place. He ignored it, as did every waiting pony and dragon inside. Seated in a circle of chairs were Celestia, Luna, Starlight Glimmer, Spike, as well as Twilight and all of her friends. In the middle of them was a round table with a box of tissues on it.

Discord lifted the box he’d brought with him above his head. “I brought Scrabble just like you asked! Easy three letter words, here we come! Dog! Fog! Log! I’m on a roll already!” He instantly quieted as he took note of the room’s sombre tone. “Did I do something wrong? I know I haven’t picked up the macaroni salad for the picnic yet, but I was planning on doing it soon.”

Celestia stood. “Please, take a seat, Discord. We simply want to read a few letters to you. Once you hear them, you’re free to do as you please.”

Hesitantly, Discord took the only remaining seat and wiped a trickle of sweat off his brow. His eyes darted from one silent participant to the next.

Celestia read her letter first. “Discord, for as long as I have known you, you have been a being of chaos; both destructive and amusing, to be sure, yet also necessary…”

A few minutes passed before Celestia finished reading. Princess Luna went next.

“Discord... that one time you changed the Canterlot castle into ice cream on my birthday was pretty cool. We should do that again sometime.”

Celestia shot daggers at her. Ones that were not even noticed.

Starlight Glimmer went next, explaining how without Discord’s chaos, they wouldn’t have been able to defeat Queen Chrysalis and save Equestria. Spike then told Discord how boring their guys’ night had become with any chaos to spice things up… as much fun as coffee and chess had become over the last six weeks.

Rainbow Dash’s letter was short and sweet. “Chaos. Just do it.”

Fluttershy’s letter ended with a mix of emotions. “You always know I want you to be yourself, Discord. Chaos or no chaos. It might not seem like it all the time, but I do appreciate it when you’re being your true self. Friends shouldn’t have to change for their friends.”

Then she said, much quieter than before.

“But if you want to stay this way, that’s fine because I really like picnics and surprises and especially surprise picnics and—” Celestia’s glare made her squeak. “Or blow something up, why don’t you?”

Pinkie Pie’s response was direct. And loud. “BUY! MORE! DONUTS! SO I CAN PET MORE DOGGIES!”

Soon Twilight was the only one left. She cleared her throat before starting. “Chaos. A state of utter confusion and disorder; a total lack of organization or order. Or maybe… a friend? Discord, I must admit that I might not know you as well as Fluttershy or Celestia do, but I’d like to think that over the last several weeks, that has changed. I truly want what’s best for you, as do we all. And if that means no more chaos, then fine. But that has to be something you want to do—not something you do just because you think it’ll improve your relationship with others.” And just like Fluttershy, in a hushed tone: “Although, if you want to keep things the way they are now and continue our research, I completely understand.”

“Seriously, Twilight?” Celestia questioned, as another rumble shook the castle’s foundation. “What did I say about too much harmony? And about balance? Am I the only one concerned about the sounds coming from outside? Steadily getting closer?”

“Maybe a family of giants are moving to Ponyville?” Pinkie Pie suggested.

“This isn’t the time for jokes, Pinkie Pie,” Celestia said, rising from her chair to stand beside Discord, who by that point seemed more uncomfortable than he’d ever been in his life. She handed him a single tea cup. “Discord. I need you to smash this cup for me.”

He took the cup, hands trembling. “You honestly want me to use chaos again? I don’t know if I can. If I smash this cup, it’ll get pieces everywhere! And somepony might cut themselves cleaning it up!”

“Smash it, Discord. You know the real Discord would do it without hesitation.”

“We’re moving too fast! This is all so sudden!”

Celestia whirled to her sister. “Luna. It’s time.”

Using her aura, Luna hovered a fat slice of chocolate cake towards Discord.

“Eat the cake, Discord,” Luna said innocently. “It’s good for you.”

Inching away from the hovering plate, Discord muttered, “But… it’s chocolate! And there’s so much frosting on it! What happens if I get some on my face? I need a napkin. Can anyone lend me a napkin, please? Just one more napkin and then I’ll stop using them forever, promise! Just one more. Maybe a clean fork, too. Glass of plain white milk, anyone?”

A giant rumble boomed this time, causing the windows of Twilight’s castle to crash inward. Everyone screamed, Discord included. Celestia and Luna gathered beside one shattered window and witnessed the hulking figure in the distance steadily approach.

Ten stories tall, it appeared to be half-ram and half-goat. Which really didn’t make all that of a much difference, truthfully.

Celestia shivered from the sight. “Lord Slfskjfslk. Curses. He’s awoken again. He must realize the balance of chaos and harmony is off here.”

Twilight trotted to the window. “Lord… what? Slfk—”

Celestia's hoof shot directly into Twilight’s mouth. “Do not try and say his name, Twilight! Any of you! The secret to Lord Slfskjfslk’s power is that each time somepony mispronounces his name, he only gets stronger. Luna and I barely defeated him years before. After several, several hours of vocabulary lessons and clever nametag placements.” She sighed wearily, then said much louder than necessary. “If only there was someone that could wield chaos against chaos around here!”

It didn’t take long for Discord to make up his mind. The sight of Fluttershy carefully picking broken glass from her mane was more than enough. With one last calming breath, he rose from his chair and snapped himself a dozen bottles of chaos he’d had stashed around the place.

He told them all, “I guess if I gave up chaos for friends, I could always start some chaos for friends.” Then he said reflectively, “And I’m sure we all knew this wasn’t going to last forever.”

All in attendance cheered; Twilight more half-heartedly than the rest.

That was when Discord chugged twelve bottles of chaos whole and quickly got to work.

***

“Hey!” Discord shouted outside, standing directly before the ten-story goat-ram-thing. “Slfskjfslk! I’m talking to you, bud!”

Lord Slfskjfslk stopped his menacing march and glared down at him. “Most impressive, dragon. How is it that you are able to correctly pronounce my name?”

“Split tongue helps a bit,” Discord explained. “And since we’re asking each other pointless questions… you like subs?”

“Like the sandwich?”

Discord snapped his fingers and a twenty-six-tonne submarine dropped directly onto Lord Slfskjfslk’s head. Followed by a sweeping plain of grass, a full train, and a horse drawn carriage. And then a single cherry on top.

Discord momentarily viewed his smoking fingers before blowing on them.

“Whoa! I am beat. Time for a snack.”

***

Inside Sugar Cube Corner, Pinkie Pie lazily blew a strand of mane from her eyes. Since Discord’s reverse intervention, she’d had two—two!—whole customers total. The appearance of a giant monster rampaging throughout town might’ve had something to do with it, but hadn’t they all gotten used to stuff like that by now?

What made her jolt was when a sack of bits the size of a caldron landed in the center of her shop. Along with Discord, too.

He was already nibbling on a Strawberry Surprise. “This enough to buy you out?”

“Yes!” was Pinkie Pie’s enthusiastic response. “More than enough!”

Discord smirked. “Good. Then let’s go eat some donuts and pet some doggies.”

Author's Note

Based off an episode of "Titus" called "Intervention", where family members try to convince a dad to start drinking again because he's just not himself when he's not drunk.

A show I'm sure not a single one of you has even heard about... :raritycry:

Damn, I'm old.