The Narrator is Replaced by Cho'gall

by Vertigo22

Rating: teen
Tags: Warcraft, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2077

The leader of the Twilight's Hammer, Cho'gall, narrates a story. Sadly, he has a bit of "help" with that.

Pre-read by HPBudgecraft.
Edited by James Fire.

The grand, prestigious leader of the Twilight's Hammer, Cho'gall, was the first, and most powerful, Ogre magi. Taught by Gul'dan himself, Cho'gall spread death and destruction wherever he went. His desire to resurrect the Old God, C'Thun, made him one of the most notorious beings to ever walk the face of Azeroth.

However, whenever he wasn't trying to herald the end of all life, Cho'gall enjoyed writing. But such a task came with... challenges. Namely the fact that he was a two-headed Ogre.

And when Cho'gall decides to narrate a story, said packaging becomes one of his greatest challenges ever.

Published 2018-04-11 00:30:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-11 00:30:06 UTC

A Story (Worthy for the Master!)

Author's Note

For the uninitiated: Cho and Gall are two separate entities. Gall's dialogue is all within parenthesis while Cho's is not.

A Story (Worthy for the Master!)

It was a beautiful morning in Ponyville. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and everypony was smiling. (And then the void shrouded everything!)

Ehm, no. There was absolutely no all-encompassing darkness on this fine day. Rather, Starlight Glimmer was within the confines of Princess Twilight Sparkle’s humble abode. (Which was made of the skulls of her friends and family! Rivers of blood and a throne made of bones!)

Enough! There was none of that you insufferable twit! No, what really went on was that Starlight, on this beautiful day, which was devoid of chaos, had made her mentor some scrumptious blueberry pancakes. (Yes, pancakes! Made from the remains of what the Void spat back out!)

“Good morning, Twilight!” chirped the ever beautiful and supremely powerful unicorn. “I have made you a delectable breakfast: blueberry pancakes!” (“The blueberries are tainted with the raw power of the Void!”)

You buffoon! Now you have ruined everything! For at that very moment, Twilight realized that something was wrong with her student. She had just changed her character and revealed that she had made a plot to turn her to the great and benevolent group of people known as the Twilight's Hammer! (We have cookies made of darkness!)

“Um, what was that?” Twilight asked her foolish student, who seemed not the least bit shocked that some worthless head had made her say something stupid! “Did you just threaten me with tainted pancakes?” (Yes, yes! Void and eternal darkness, little pony!)

No, you dink. Don't frighten them like that. (But it's what the Master desires!)

Yes, well, don't worry little ones! For it was at this moment that Starlight clarified everything! “Oh, no, no! I didn't say anything about the Void! I would never dabble in such magic!” (“Not when you're within my general vicinity! That would be amateurish of a pony of my strength!”)

It was at that moment that Twilight levitated the plate out of her student's magical aura, which couldn't even begin to compare to our magic. She then approached and eyeballed her because the other narrator is as useful as a dead rodent and feels the need to ruin my story. (And then dead rodents rose up and devoured the whole of Equestria!)

However, Twilight still felt… off about what Starlight had said. Was the pony across from her trying to usurp her incredible writing talent? Was the holier-than-thou Twilight upset that she couldn't tell a story to save her master's consort? She would never know as she didn't have a worthless second head. But, once Twilight realized that her student was but being the jokester she normally was, she laughed. “Oh, Starlight! You're so funny!” (And then she died from laughter!)

Your writing talent is on par with that of your understanding of the complex characters of this show you nuisance! Twilight would never die from laughter! Now, after Twilight was done laughing with her student, the two sat down to eat their awesome breakfast. (A breakfast worthy of the Master! Filled to the brim with the blood of our enemies!)

“So, what do you plan to do today?” Twilight asks her student as she eats her breakfast, which doesn't have the blood of her enemies within it. (Nice work on your tenses, oh-great storyteller.)

“Oh, I don't have anything special planned.” Starlight winked shyly, not caring in the slightest about such paltry things like ‘tense swaps’. Deep down though, she yearned to reveal her true feelings to her mentor, but couldn't muster up the courage. If she had to be honest with herself, she felt a lot like Fluttershy. (“But I was thinking about sacrificing you to the Master who gave us our gifts!” the purple one said as tentacles erupted around her.)

No, you moron! Twilight would never dabble in that kind of magic! Gah, now I must once again restore order to the narrative! Lemme see...

Starlight stared blankly at Twilight. She couldn't believe that she was capable of saying something so… random. But she assumed it was just a joke, so she laughed. Because that's what friends do when their friends say something random and stupid, right? (No, they must kill them wherever they stand!)

Starlight laughed with her friend. “Well, that was a good laugh,” she said. “And… actually, I was thinking of going to the market to buy some ingredients to try and make a cake with Spike.” (It will be made with the blood of the ones who oppose the Master!)

“Oh, that sounds like a delightful idea!” Twilight beamed. She couldn't believe that her student was willing to attempt to bake again after the last incident. (Where she poisoned an entire town and took their talents! Endless despair!)

Yes, despite her previous experience with baking, which didn't involve poison, Starlight felt ready to try again. So, after the two friends finished their delectable breakfast, they made their way to the market. (Which sold the souls of the damned and the blood of the weak!)

Despite what some may say, the market did not sell anything outside of the norm. Cute, little stands run by ponies of all colors lined the street. Perhaps even you cute little whelps will one day own one! (Never! They, too, will serve the Master!)

Shut it you insolent pest. This place was as idyllic as one could imagine, which was saying something when one took the time to admire how delightful the rest of Ponyville was! (But then the Master awakened and destroyed everything! Nothing escaped His grasp! Endless torment and darkness! Oh the horrors that await the pathetic equines you tell stories about!)

“Wow, what a gorgeous day!” Starlight remarked. “It's days like this that make me so glad that I live here with you!” (“So I can burn you alive while you sleep next to those whom you love!”)

Twilight gave a hearty laugh to put the shoppers and stand owners at ease as they had overheard Starlight's obviously joking statement about committing a brutal act of violence towards her. “I'm also glad that you've chosen to live with me!” Twilight said as the onlookers laughed with her because that's how things roll in Ponyville! (Yes! Laugh at those who are in pain and suffer as the Master takes back what is rightfully His! Then the only thing that shall roll are the heads of those who refuse to follow His command!)

Will you be quiet for just one minute!? I am trying to tell a story, and you keep injecting nonsense into it? Have you even thought about considering that maybe this world has yet to be graced by the Void’s presence? They must first tend to Azeroth! The usurper's offspring still live! Who is to say that they wouldn't simply come and foil our plans here? (We can still begin where the Master left off here! They are but tending to the matter of the ones who dare toil with Fel!)

That matters not! Now, let me tell the story you dolt! (They are the worthless ones! We have gifts they cannot even fathom, which they continue to refuse!)

Twilight and Starlight eventually made their way to a stand that sold the flour that they both needed. (Flour made from the corpses of the Master's least desirable acolytes!) They walked up to it and smiled happily. (Then tentacles impaled the pathetic mortal who ran it!)

“Why hello,” Starlight said. “I am in need of some flour. May I make a purchase of such a product?” (“So that I may cook those who oppose His whispers! Flesh from bone, blood from body!”)

“Gall, if you do not shut your trap, I will kill us both!” (Yes, yes! She is already falling to our calls! The Master will surely adore her unique talents!)

Oh, uh. Well, the good thing about this cashier was she too enjoyed high-concept fantasy and caught Starlight's very clever reference and… and laughed! Yes, to Starlight's— (Enough damage control, there is chaos to be sprung from the depths of the Void! None shall be spared, ALL WILL BE CONSUMED!)

“Well, I accept your transaction.” The pretty green earth equine took the bits, only to be set on fire by a plume of fire that struck her from above! (Yes, yes! Fire and death! Oh, the Master would be pleased at such a glorious turn of events!)

Twilight and Starlight looked up to the sky and saw a being most evil! One so foul and despicable that even the Master would hate them! (Yogg-Saron?)

No, you dolt. This being goes far beyond that dentistry nightmare of a buffoon! This being was more methodical with their approach. They did not whisper lies or create that zombie kid who sits on a throne of lies. Nor did they ally themselves with sapient beetles. Rather, they wished to annihilate all of Equestria to appease their false queen! (N’Zoth?)

Name one more false Master and I'm feeding us to the brood. Now then, it was at this very moment that Princess Ember landed in front of Twilight Sparkle and punched her in the face because she's a big bully who hates those who follow their Master's orders and bathes in lava all day. (Then she devoured her heart!)

No, you idiot! Now you've made them cry! And one of them is biting the other! (All the Master's will!)

Well, don't worry, little ones. It was all okay, because at that moment, Twilight got back up, having not had her heart eaten, and charged at the evil Princess Ember! (Then she used the power of the Void and won for the Master!)

No, she did not. Moron.

“Roar!” Ember dodged Twilight's attack, and breathed a lot of fire into the sky. “I am Princess Ember and I am going to burn the town down!” (Yes, she had the correct idea! Fire, death! Let the end of all things commence!)

“Not if I have anything to say about it!”

Everyone turned to see a very handsome red and black alicorn with big wings and two horns charge into the town. He was super skilled at everything and was the best and he was named King Cho! (And he had an even better partner name Gall who was the Master's favorite!)

Which would be the case if he wasn't dead because Cho hated him. This was due to him being worthless. “Never fear, denizens of Ponyville!” the very handsome and great King Cho said, striking an awesomely heroic and might pose! “Kneel, foulest of dragons, and I shall grant you but the swiftest of deaths!” (When do we tell her that eternal agony awaits her in death?)

“You dare challenge the mighty and super ferocious Princess Ember!?” The dragoness laughed a most evil laugh. “I shall destroy you and paint this town with your blood!” (That's our job! Are you sure she's the villain?)

Cho scoffed. He remembered all of the adventures that he had shared with Ember when she walked alongside Twilight. Then, she found it. The Skull Sword. It belonged to an ancient king who Cho knew. He was very bad. He killed lots of ponies. Then Sombra stabbed him in the face. (I see nothing wrong with his actions. The Master commands such things be done on a regular basis!)

Cho watched as Ember charged at him. With a very awesome smirk, he fired off two black beams of epic magic and blew up Ember. Everyone cheered and danced and sang praises to King Cho because he is the absolute best. (Gall was better though, and everyone knew that.)

Then Void encompassed all. (Wow, I didn't think you had it in you.)

Cho’gall shut a book and smiled. In front of him was a sea of sleeping dragon whelps, all of them snoring peacefully. Letting out a sigh of content, the ogre set the book down in a nearby nightstand.

“I hate telling bedtime stories…” (That’s because you never read my stories! Only yours!)

“Your stories are literary abominations that even the Master would hate.” (Nonsense! I have written stories of warriors and sorcerers conquering great dragons!)

Before Cho could retort, several loud explosions came from the entrance to the Bastion of Twilight.

“Ah, company…” (The usurpers children have arrived!)