Going Home

Chapters

Early Release
Meeting the Neighbors
Guess whose coming for dinner!!!!!
Welcome Back My Friends To The Show That Never Ends
We're So Glad You Could Attend, Come Inside, Come Inside
There Behind The Glass, Stands A Real Blade Of Grass
Be Careful As You Pass, Move Along, Move Along
Come Inside The Shows About To Start.
Guaranteed to Blow Your Head Apart
Rest Assured You'll Get Your Money's Worth
When You Show A Twilight A Library

Early Release

Author's Note

Just to be clear, I have no idea where this story is going. For now I have taken all the warning tags as a precaution, mostly so that I don't have to remember to place them later. For now this will remain teen. If the warning tags are not needed I will remove them, if they are the rating may change to mature. It all depends on where this story decides to go and how bad it will get.

Early Release

The tentacled being known as Ach'rd'oa shifted in her cell, her bindings clinking together as she attempted to return to her slumber, but that which awoke her continued.

"Those Damn Ponies, When I escape again..."

"You'll What?" Ach'rd'oa shouted.

She rose from her bed and stalked to edge of her bindings, her tall, lithe frame shaking in rage. Again she bellowed at the cell next to her.

"They always win, the Ponies always win!!!!! What will happen is you will break free and then be sent back here or destroyed. Sombra, You, The Storm King, Me, hell, they reformed Discord. So, Tirek, do us all a favor and shut the fuck up!!!!!! You stupid spoiled little child. Oh, my brother and father betrayed me, blech. Truth is you are a mad dog that no one has had the kindness to put out of it's misery. Because for some Idiotic reason the Ponies think any one can be redeemed."

Retreating back to her bed she sat, bringing her clawed hands to her head, she tried to fight the oncoming migraine. Unable to stop the words, she continued.

"I have lost my entire race, which is not the same as destroying it, you pompous shit! I had loved ones, compatriots. Those that I cared for and protected. All of them gone and I am the last. I am the last because I can birth no more of my kind. The rest were exterminated to a one because we wouldn't play nice with the ponies, because we treated them like just another lesser race. We used them for labor, pleasure, and food, just like all the others The Illithids encountered. What do the Ponies do? They send Celestia and Luna, who upon seeing our city and all we have wrought, destroy our entire civilization in one night. I tried to organize those that where left, those that could flee. But they hunted us all down and when I was the last they caught me. They discovered that I had not the capability to spawn more of my kind and locked me down here. So that in time I would see the error of my ways."

"So, what? I am supposed to give friendship a try, give into their disgusting ways?" Tireck Growled.

"No Dipshit, You're supposed to shut up and let the rest of us deal with our misery in PEACE!!!!! I no longer have any wish to conquer, nor do I have a wish to go and make friends. I would however, like to sit in my mother's chair, to walk the streets of the dreaming city once more. To see the remains of the birthing pool where my brothers emerged. To just once, before I sink into the dreamless sleep of my kind breathe of the night air, not whatever it is we get down here. I wish to go home." Ach'rd'oa hung her head and silence reigned, Tireck at last quiet.

A click was heard, loud in the silence, wards deactivating, one after another, the chains that peirced her flesh turning to dust. Healing energy flowed into her, closing the wounds that she had accumulated over her long imprisonment. Gasping, she watched the door swing open. She rose and left.

Celestia and Luna sat at breakfast. Luna tired after a long night, Celestia readying herself for the labors of the day. A Red flash of light surprisingly bright flared through out the room. Upon it's dispersal, a letter was upon the table. It was written in blood, upon a parchment of skin. Taking the Letter in her magic Celestia, Princess of the Day, began to read.

To Princess Celestia, Princess of the Sun, Lady of the Day
To Princess Luna, Princess of The Moon, Lady of the Night
To Princess Twilight, Princess of Friendship, Lady of Ponyville

"This is to certify on this day Tuesday of 3500 ANM in the month of January, on the 8th day, that prisoner# 00023, named Ach'rd"oa, has been deemed worthy of parole, as she is no longer a threat to any of the free thinking and free willed beings of Equestria and is subject to the rights, privileges, and responsibilities therein, both lawful and implied. She is to be allowed passage back to the Dreaming City, known as Ry'll'Ch. Where upon, ownership of such is to be returned to her. What she does next will determine her future for fair or foul. Let all be blessed upon hearing these words and rejoice that one that has been lost for so long has begun to find their way.

Your Servant Unceasing,

Tarturus"

As Celestia finished the letter, Luna asked. "Did you know that Tarturus could...."

"No Sister, I didn't" Came Celestia's reply.

"Oh, Ach'rd'oa is an Illithid correct?"

"Half Illithid, sister, she cannot produce more like her."

"Ah, So how are we to deal with this?"

"We sit and wait, if she is indeed no longer a threat then we leave her be."

"And If not?"

"Then, younger sister mine, we will find out what barbecued Calamari tastes like."

The two sisters lapsed back into a comfortable silence. The breakfast forgotten, each to their own thoughts and preparations. In the end they bid each other farewell and Luna went to rest as Celestia went to begin the day.
In their haste, both failed to ask one thing, WWPTSD?

Ach'rd'oa left the cavern that she had been lead to and walked out into the sunlight, before her sat home, a vast sprawling ruin, the doors sealed to prevent entry. Walking forward, she touched a clawed hand where the doors meet and was rewarded with a click as both doors swung free. Feeling the City awaken, she smiled for the first time in over a century, the warmth of Ry'll'ch's greeting filling her with joy

"It is good to be home, now to work, to task."

Once more she entered into the city of her birth as the Doors closed behind her, she was free.

Meeting the Neighbors

Groggily coming to, Twilight crawled her way from the nest of blankets her bed had become. Slinking downstairs, she followed the smell of beautiful nectar that was her morning cup of coffee. Staggering blindly into the kitchen, she kissed Rainbow dash, poured herself a cup of the black viscous tar that was her special blend, took it like a shot, then poured herself another. Glancing around, she spotted her friends, waking fully, she smiled.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” Twilight smiled at her friends, "And why is Rainbow on the floor?"

“Y’all kissed Dash again.”

“What? No I didn’t.” Continuing thoughtfully, Twilight muttered. "I've never kissed Rainbow Dash, no matter what my Romantic Fanfiction says."

"What was that?" Applejack asked

"Huh? Nothing."

Her friends just shook their heads at Twilight, Rainbow still recovering from the Alicorn powered kiss she had just received.

“Not that I’m not glad to see you girls, but why are you six here?” Twilight asked, “This isn’t another intervention is it?”

Spike spoke up first, “No, we wanted to know about the ancient city that appeared in the Everfree over night. We thought you might've some ideas.”

"Yeah! I need to know if I have a 'Congratulations, Reawakening your Blasphemous City of Terror Party' to plan and what insanity inducing aberration of reality it's for. I mean do you know what'll happen if I use the oysters meant for Cthullu if the party was for Yog-Soth, not to mention what a drama queen Nylarhotep can be if something goes wrong? Honestly Twilight, a little notification would've been nice." Pinkie interjected.

“City what city? Listen, if this is about my coffee consumption, It's down to three pots a day, which we all agreed was acceptable for an Alicorn of my age and body weight.”

“Quite Darling, even though you did work out how to triple the potency in each pot, making your personal brew the equivalent of toxic sludge, but again, not why we're here. Like dear Spikey Wikey said, a city revealed itself after you had passed out from your five day book binge. We'd hoped you'd heard something from the Princesses about this.”

“No, I’m pretty sure they'd have notified me of that.” The Purple Princess got another thoughtful look, “So this intervention is about my book bingeing, huh? Well I'll have you know I made sure to feed Owlicious and gave Spike access to the grocery money. Also, I wore the horn inhibitor with the 5 digit randomized code lock so that I wouldn’t cast anything without being able to mathematically calculate the exact sequence of randomization.”

“Owlicious is over at my house, and the grocery money only had 5 bits in it. Spike stayed with Rarity after the second day.” Fluttershy interjected. “But we really are telling the truth about the city. I found out about it when a Manticore that had lived there was complaining about getting evicted. Oh, and if you don't mind that is, can you send Phil back home?"

Twilight looked confused, "Phil?"

Her friends nodded eerily in unison, then said simultaneously, in the same deep voice, "Yeah, if you wouldn't mind, in this dimension I can only exist in the minds of these six mares and this young drake. But if it will help move things along, a letter did come for you, from a Mr. Tartarus. I had Spike place it on your desk, I didn't want to interrupt your obsessive spree of Insanity. So, not that this is not fun and all, but I really would like to get back to my own family. So can you just banish me and let us all exit this bad gag."

Twilight pursed her lips, "Fine, Klaatu, Barada, Necktie," She intoned

"Yeah, you seem to have gotten the last one wrong." Phil replied.

Twilight took another sip of her coffee, clearing her throat she said, in a slow, calm, quiet voice. "If you do not leave my friend's minds this very instant, then retreat back to wherever it is I called you from, I will exorcise your essence from them and feed it through my coffee maker to add extra kick to the next pot."

Smoke poured from her friends and fled screaming up the stairs towards whatever circle she had called 'Phil' out of. A moment later she felt the surge of an interdimensional gateway opening and shutting extremely quickly.

Twilight smiled, "Still got it."

Picking up her coffee cup, she kissed Rainbow Dash, poured herself another cup and retreated to her desk. Reading the letter she yelled to her still rising friends. "Hey guys, I found our next Friendship Adventure."

Running over to them, she waited as they got to their feet, then noticed one of her friends was still on the floor.

"Hey, Guys? What happened to Rainbow Dash?"

The Purple Book horse was puzzled that all her friends, minus Rainbow, face palmed in unison.

Back in Cantorlot, Princess Celestia tended to the day court. Throughout her duties, she felt like she had forgotten something. The Noble before her was twattling on about some inane thing she was going to politely say no to, completely unaware that his Princess wasn't paying him the slightest bit of attention.

"What am I missing?" Celestia thought. "It's such a horrible feeling not to remember. Let me retrace my steps, I woke up, raised the sun, Luna set the moon. We retreated to breakfast. Tartarus sent us a letter, hmmmmm. Something about that letter. Something I am forgetting, Hmmmmmmm."

A clamoring was heard at the Day Court door, as Luna rushed in, still in her Pajamas, panic evident upon her face. "Sister, there was another name on that letter!"

The Princess of the Day, paused, why would there be another name on the letter? Cadance was a princess of a lesser kingdom, so it wouldn't have been addressed to her. The only Princess that might have gotten...... the......... letter...... was... "HOLY FUCK SHIT CRAP SUCK. TWILIGHT GOT THE SAME LETTER!!!!!"

Author's Note

I giggled the entire time I wrote this. I am pretty sure this is gonna be a pure crack fic, plus whatever vile fetishism/porn/awfulness I can cram into here. Rest assured their will still be a lot of seriousness and plot development, but the story seems to want to go this way, so I am gonna let it.

Guess whose coming for dinner!!!!!

Ach'rd'oa stalked into the central mind of the city. True, the city had opened for her, but the Crystal Matrix that'd run the city since before her birth, had begun to corrode. She observed the damage that time and neglect had inflicted on her home. Power no longer ran through the streets, doors no longer reacted to her presence, and, worst of all, the city had lost it's a voice. She could feel its joy, but other then empathetic signals, there was no communication. Reaching the Central Hub, she hoped the previous personality could be saved, or, failing that, she wouldn't have to rebuild the Crystal Matrix Control. A chance to say goodbye would be nice too.

"Mad'ri'oa, are you here?" She asked the silent darkness.

A light flickered inside the Central Crystal. "Ach'rd'oa, my dear. I thought maybe in my dreaming I'd gone mad. Seeing you, one last time, makes me happy."

Ach'rd'oa smiled. "I'm happy I got to say goodbye too, mother."

The Crystal thrummed. "It always pleased me to know that you thought of me as such. Even though I was just a part of your mother's personality given form. We both, were always so proud."

Ach'rd'oa felt pain in her chest, closing her eyes, she let it pass. Being Half-Illithid meant having emotions, meant forming connections. More then ever she hated her body. To have the Mind of an Illithid and the body of one of the last Elan, meant being doomed to this misery.

"Proud? I am a thing, mother, not one or the other. Nether you nor Mom ever understood. I hate the needs of this body, I hate the emotions that flood through my system. I love, feel sadness, want friends, companionship, something a Pure Blood never dealt with. I am only Half-Illithid and I'm the one to step forward into the future I think Mom brought me down here because you are a hyperbolic expression of Motherhood. Mom wanted me not to be alone. Whether it was another manipulation, or through actual parental duty, I'll never know. I love you both, I miss my brothers, I miss the Elder Brain and his casual Xenophobia. I miss my pet pony. I wish to weep for the silence of this city, but I'm just Illithid enough to be unable to shed tears, yet not pure enough to not need to."

Sinking to the ground, she fell silent. She had said that which she had never known she needed to say. Now she waited for a response, any that would make sense. When it came, she jumped at the anger in her mother's voice.

"Of Course we were both proud! How could we not be? You excelled in all things, even over the Purebloods. The Elder Brian would've killed you, yet you proved yourself worthy of survival. If things had gone differently you would've been consumed by the Elder Brain, adding to the power of all that came after. The Elder Brain himself ordered it. But you took an even greater honor. Illithids survive. It's what we do above all else. You have done so, even though all around you fell. I think, that it is your difference that let you do so. Your mother confided in me on more then one occasion, that she felt jealous of what you'd become capable of, and that I'd still be around to see it after she herself had gone back to the spawning pool to be linked to the Elder Brain. So don't you dare belittle the thing that enables your survival, even granting you immortality."

Ach'rd'oa's breath halted as her Mother's light dimmed for a moment, then came back. Mad'ri'oa then continued.

"I'm proud to call you daughter, I always have been. It is my great joy and pride that I get to see you at my last, knowing that you will carry on, that you will continue. Survive Little One, Survive and Adapt. Come, it is my time to pass. It's my time to follow your mother into whatever afterlife awaits, if any. In order to assure the survival of this city you'll need to introduce your own seed into the Crystal. Afterwards the city will be yours. Come Little One, attend me one final time, so I may rest in peace."

Ach'rd'oa smiled, now knowing what concept she wished to introduce to the Matrix. A concept that would've been alien to others of her kind, but not her. Placing her hand against the warm crystal, saying a silent goodbye to the one that had been her mother. She called forth the Seed to be place inside the crystal, that would devour the previous one, that would make her home strong, as it had made the ponies strong.

"I give unto this Crystal the Seed of Friendship! That I'll always have a confidant, someone that understands. I love you Mother and I'll miss you."

Exerting her will, a piece of her mind tore from her, entering into the Crystal Matrix. Her hand dropping to her side, Ach'rd'oa watched as the previous light was overtaken by a brighter new light, and soon she heard her city's first words.

"Hi! I'm Ach'ri'oa, we're gonna be great friends!"

Twilight and her friends gathered at the edge of the Everfree, when, grabbing her chest, Pinkie fell to her knees. The party pony's hair deflated, and she fell silent. The others gathered to her, Twilight putting her hand onto her usually more animated friend.

"Pinkie, are you okay?"

"Just need a moment, something died, someone's mother, someone's home." All Pinkie's friends waited as she fell silent.

Suddenly her hair snapped back into place and she shot to her feet, a manic smile upon the mare's face. "It just got replaced by the biggest source of Friendship, I've ever felt. Something old left and was replaced by something New."

Pinkie began walking towards the forest, her friends close, whatever happened, they trusted the Pinkie's instincts. Soon, all would be revealed.

Welcome Back My Friends To The Show That Never Ends

"Well, don't stand around lollygagging, the Mistress mustn't be kept waiting!" Ach'ri'oa exclaimed

The Doors grinded open, revealing four paths.

"Alright! Alicorns and whatever Princess Twilight is carrying on her shoulder to the furthest left path for the library, Pinkie Pie takes the second left for a personal audience with Ach'rd'oa herself, farthest right is for Fluttershy and an explanation for why the Manticores where evicted, and the second right is for me to speak privately with Rarity, Ach'rd'oa needs some new duds, and I need some help becoming more current in my own appearance.

Celestia opens her mouth but Rarity interjects, "Darling, are you asking me to play fashionista to, not only a new species, but an entire city as well?"

"Absolutely Ms. Belle, structural repairs I can do, and while, if I may be so brutally honest, that is all my Mistress cares about, I for one know that as a proper liar I reflect how others view my Mistress and I have no wish to disappoint, also, Ach'rd'oa's cloths wreak of sulfur and whatever weird crap was in Tarturus. I'll be relieved when I can steal those clothes and burn them." The City replied.

Rarity smiled, "You had me at 'brutally honest' darling, I would be overjoyed to perform such a service."

"Ms. Belle, we really shouldn't be split up like this. Ach'rd'oa may in fact be sincere in her intent but we have yet to be assured of this, besides this city is a very dangerous place."

"Only if you come seeking barbecued Calamari, Princess Celestia, besides Pinkie and Fluttershy already left." Ach'ri'oa interrupted.

"What!?" Celestia spun, sure enough the Plump Plotted, Pink Party Pony, and the Shy Canary Coated Hottie had indeed vanished.

Turning back to the Social Climbing, Sex Pot Fashionista, Celestia was greeted with empty space, as the Repressed Purple Book Horse, and the Chocolate Flavored, Coffee Goddess stared back at her blankly.

"Why did neither of you two stop any of them?"

"You never made it an order, dear sister."

"Pinkie, used her Gypsy Magic, and distracted me. Also, I'm Going To Make Friends With Books, DON"T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME!!!!!"

At Twilight's yell Rainbow Dash fell to the floor. Looking down at the Cyan Object Of Her Subconscious Molestation, Twilight shook her head. "Rainbow this is no time to sleep, we have books to befriend!!!!!"

"They got the latest Daring Doo?" Rainbow groggily asked.

"We don't, but we do have a complete selection devoted to the early Wonderbolts, including a first edition biography of the founder." Ach'ri'oa answered.

Reaching for her toy, Twilight was shocked to discover empty air. "HEY! Rainbow, wait up!!!!!"

"Sorry Princess Twilight, I had no intention of distracting your Portable Booty Call."

"My who said what now? Oh Ach'ri'oa, we're going to be such good friends, I can tell." Pronking after the Speed Addicted Pegasi, Twilight rushed down the hallway, not noticing Luna's giggling or Celestia's twitching eye.

"I swear I was never like that." Celestia remarked.

"No, dear sister, indeed, we remember you never behaved in such a fashion" Luna agreed.

"Thank You Luna, I can always depend on you,"

"Quite, You where ever so much worse." Luna snarked, before struting down the appropriate hallway.

Pinkie wandered down the hallway, noticing the downward slope, she wondered. "Gee, I hope I'm not on my way to be ambushed by an Octopus headed female that hasn't got any sexual release since Celestia was a teenager and decides to use my Plump Pink Plot to satisfy herself." Pinkie giggled. "Wow, I've been masturbating to way to many of those 'special' comics from Neighpon, I mean, what kind of writer puts that kind of thing in the first introduction between two characters, really trying to earn those tags, Huh?" This is about the Plump Pink Plot remark isn't it?

"Yah, Think?" To be fair, I do happen to like bigger females, their a lot more fun. So from me it's more a complement then anything else.

"What about the tentacle thing?" To be fair honey, of all the main six, who is the most likely to have that particular fetish, and at the same time go for a friend with benefits kind of thing with said tentacled beasty? You now, so that it's not straight rape, which gets Ach'rd'oa sent back to Tarturus.

"Point, I just want to meet the girl first, plan her party, establish the relationship, and then get my Pretty Pink Pussy rammed by four mouth tentacles, while her raspy tongue licks my swollen clit. I mean, come on!!!! What kind of Mare do you take me for!?"

"That is amazingly specific, and I take you for a pretty one." A low voice came from behind her.

Pinkie glared at the writer. "You are such a plothole." sighing she continued. "Alright, if your going to do it, make sure to send at least two into my ass, I happen to like anal and most of the stallions around are such Pussies it's like being with a mare anyways, half the time."

"Ms. Pie, although that remark has my mouth watering at the idea of pilfering that lovely Cotton Candy Colored Cunt of yours, I really just wanted to meet you. Right now I need a friend I can talk to more then a Booty Call. As well as a source of cupcakes. Oh, and you're absolutely right the Writer is a complete and total Plothole."

Pinkie blushing, turned, before her stood a much taller being. 7" even, she had a full figure, and wore a loose. low cut gown that allowed freedom of movement, while also showing her assets. Her head, was round, with four tentacles concealing her mouth. Auburn hair cascaded down her shoulders, still damp from it's latest washing. Her hazel eyes sparkled mischievously. Even with the lack of a mouth Pinkie got the impression the Illiithid was smiling.

As Ach'rd'oa's words caught up to the Perpetually Perky Pony, Pinkie's smile widened. "Of Course I will be your friend!!!!! I mean it's what I do! I'm the one everyone likes. As for Cupcakes just tell me your favorite and I will happily provide." The rest of the sentence then hit the Hyperactive Pronking Pony and she giggled, blushing, "Oh thank god! I haven't had anything satisfying in me since Cheese was last in town, now that stallions a freak!!!!!"

Ach'rd'oa smiled back at her new friend, but then got a puzzled look, "Why would anyone ever have a favorite Cupcake?" I don't think I've ever had one I didn't like."

Pinkie's smile got even wider, "Oh Rd this is the beginning of a beautiful Friendship."

Pinkie and Ach'rd began walking farther down the path, each more reassured then ever, that I, indeed, am a complete and total asshole.

We're So Glad You Could Attend, Come Inside, Come Inside

Flutterhshy walked deeper into the labyrinth-like city. The voice of Ach'ri'oa her only company. The city cheerfully coaxing her onward through the dark hallways.

"Alright Quiet Girl, we're almost there! You're going to be so thrilled when you see this!" The city squealed.

Fluttershy shook her head, the slime encrusted hallways stood in stark contrast to the almost maniac personality of the city. She hoped that Rarity could help the city. Looking at the walls she recognized the symbols.

"Pardon me? I was wondering if I might bother you, but are these incantations to Shub-Niggurath?"

The city joyfully snickered, "A worshipper of the Dark Mother of the Wood? Whatever would Celestia think?"

Fluttershy blushed, "Oh, it's more a Hzn-Szrm and Vjfrmlc thing, something for holidays then for all the time. Discord is more serious about it then I've ever have been."

The city giggled, "The converts take things so seriously, as opposed to those born to the faith, don't they."

Fluttershy giggled back, "Oh indeed, as soon as I introduced him to the faith and made him my Sfhyzmw before the Mother he became most enthusiastic."

"Well I'm so glad! Congrats girl! To initiate a Lord Of Chaos like that! And one that is so devilishly handsome as well. Tell me, it's just us here, any plans between you two for xsrowvm?"

Fluttershy turned red. "I.... I..... just don't know."

Ach'ri'oa teased back, "Sounds like you do, but I won't press. Still it would be nice to see the trouble that would cause, and I happen to think you'd be a great nlgsvi."

True to her word the city let the matter drop, to Fluttershy's relief. The Quiet Mare didn't want to share all her secrets, at least not yet. Turning a corner the Young mare stared into a round chamber. In the darkness shapes half her size darted, carrying small bundles. The shapes had long snouts and moved sometimes on two feet, sometimes on four. Long tails lashing through the darkness. Fluttershy squealed.

"Why this is a Izgulp Mfiuvib. They're so adorable."

Ach'ri'oa chuckled, "Well go ahead, I informed them of your arrival."

Fluttershy stepped forward, then halted. When she addressed the city again her voice was quiet and deep, "Ach'ri'oa, you told me that you would show me why the Manticores were evicted. Am I right that this Izgulp Mfiuvib is the reason?"

A pause strecthed out, the city, when it answered, spoke using the same tone. "Yes, the Manticores that had been living here had been feeding from those in this room. Had been doing so for some time. When I became the new Intelligence the first thing I did was make sure they knew where the door was." A dark chuckle was heard, "Some of them were slow learners. But go ahead, I have told the Ratfolk you're an honored guest."

Fluttershy approached one of the Nursery Attendants and holding out her arms was given one of the precious bundles they carried. An adorable pink nose showed itself to her, snuffling curiously, cooing she eased the pup back to sleep, returning it to the warren nurse, who bowed low, then darted off,

Snarling, Fluttershy spoke again to the city. "I've a feeling Ach'ri'oa I'll be teaching those Manitcores the meaning of some things as well. Namely, the definition of certain words, like PAIN, and DON"T EAT BABIES UNLESS YOU LIKE HAVING A DRACONEQUESS TURN YOU INSIDE OUT, WHILE YOU STAY ALIVE AND RETAIN THE ABITLITY TO SCREAM!!!!!"

Taking a breath, she calmed herself. "Where there any orphans that couldn't be taken in by another family?"

"I'm not sure Ms. Shy but let me summon the Elder, he'll know for sure and be able to give you any particulars."

The Pink maned Pegasi shook her head, "Oh, I wouldn't want to be a huge bother, just take me right to him. I'm sure he's involved with much more important things than me."

Ach'ri'oa responded happily, "Of Course, Ms. Shy just follow where my light goes and I'll take you right to him."

Fluttershy nodded her thanks then walked deeper into the Warren, her eyes twinkling at the adorable ones that called this place home.

Rarity strolled deeper into the city, her eyes wandering, taking in all of the details spread before her.

"Darling, forgive me for saying, you seem to have held up well for a city that was built before the rise of Celestia and Luna.

Ach'ri'oa chuckled. "Rarity dear, This city has been in this location since before the rise of pony kind. Previous Intelligences that watched over this city, observed the death of the old world and the rise of this one. It saw the rise of all of the races that populated this world. My Mistress herself, existed before even discord. As far as I am aware she is the single oldest living creature on the entire planet of Equis. I have only taken over this city within the last few days. I have however, as I said done my best to repair whatever I can, althogh I have to give credit where credit is due. I had some assistance.

"Oh? Who, I would so love to meet someone that has such attention to detail, darling. I can hardly distinguish what was replaced from what was already here. It would help to be alble to coordinate my efforts with such an individual.

"Not Individual, Rarity Dear, Individuals. A race of artifical beings had moved into this city in the absence of it's former owners. I am taking you directly to them."

Sure enough, Rarity soon saw several wooden figures, they held a wide variety of shapes and sizes. Some favored a female appearence, while others seemed to have a more masculine frame. However, this soon seemed to be a personal prefrence rather than a gender identity.

As the city Guided her toward them she noticed how beautiful they all where, standing only up to her waist. Smiling at all of them, she bowed as the city introduced them.

"Ms. Rarity Belle, Element of Generosity, I would like to present to you, as a race, The Wyrwood."

Author's Note

By the Way, Ratfolk:

And Number 2 Wyrwood

Both are Considered Small in size

There Behind The Glass, Stands A Real Blade Of Grass

Author's Note

More is revealed, This gets serious towards the end and Celestia's feelings on the Illithids and what she did to protect the other races are made clear. Plus we get a few more clues to Ach'rd'oa's unconventional origins.

There Behind The Glass, Stands A Real Blade Of Grass

Pronking after the rapidly disappearing blur that was her Rainbow Dash, Princess Twilight Sparkle looked over the halls of the city. Inscribed with what was obviously the twin languages used primarily by the long perished Unlidded Eye, the Young, Skittles Yearning, Lavender Alicorn paused to read a particular relief.

"See something, you find interesting Princess Twilight?" Ach'ri'oa asked

"Oh indeed, this relief is very fascinating. Am I right in that this is a complete inscription of the Red Laments in their entirety?" Lighting her horn to expose the entire relief she gasped in delight, "Including the parts hidden from the Darkness, only visible by the Day, written in the script of the Arcanists?"

"Why <#9C35&&, I had no idea you were a 0L!#C5=XIC, what would Luna think?"

"Please Ach'ri'oa, call me $-9V978$, Princess is so formal. Luna already knows my rank, it was Nightmare Moon they were hiding form, not her. Oh, and I'm not a 0L!#C5=XIC, I'm a full 8L!&5 X1&$5#. Made for some interesting College parties, that's for sure."

"An Alicorn princess and that highly ranked in the Unlidded Eye? My, My, those bastards have come a long way."

Twilight sighed, "As far as I know I'm the only member. My teacher vanished a long time ago. I miss her terribly."

"Oh!, I'm so sorry Twilight, I had no idea the rest of the Order was dead. I'm very sorry for your loss."

Chuckling the Gay Pride Flag Obsessed Purple Book Horse answered. "My masters not dead, just hard to get to see. Besides, I get to have loads of fun with her now that we're the same age. None of that icky underage student hot for teacher complications. Turns out interdimensional travel doesn't guarantee the same timeframe, who knew?"

Continuing to Pronk after Rainbow Dash, the Alicorn of Lesbian Self Denial remarked, "But, keep that a secret. My master isn't ready to announce herself, just yet. She still has issues with her mom."

"I'll be sure to keep that to myself Twilight. By the way, Ms. Dash has reached the entryway to my Library and I'm holding her there. Once you arrive, we'll only have to wait for Celestia and Luna to arrive."

"Are you telling me that I have to wait for Celestia and Luna to enter into the place that has books I can Befriend?"

"Such are the orders of My Mistress"

Halting, Twilight's eye began to twitch. "Ri, that is completely unacceptable." Twilight's horn glowed once more, sigils forming in mid air, as the Element of Magic began her working, "Celestia's Plodding Fat Ass Is Not Going To Keep Me From Those Books!!!!!"

A flash of light within that darkest of places and Twilight joined Rainbow Dash once more. Besides the two Pony Fuck Buddies, was a very startled Princess Sunbutt and a slyly grinning Princess Everyone's Wet Dream (shut up, if you like women, you know you've had at least one).

Luna turned to her stunned sister, "Hah! I told you! Pay Up!"

Celestia grimaced as she floated one bit over to her sister. "Yes, Luna, you where right and I was wrong, I have no idea why I doubted your greatness. Long may you be the better sister."

Luna grinned, then turning to Twilight she said. "Now then, I wish to see the books that one can befriend, when can we enter into the Library?"

Ach'ri'oa's voice echoed into the hallway. "Why as soon as Celestia explains why the city is in such ruins and why My Mistress is the last of her kind."

Celestia sighed, looking to her former pupil's expectant gaze, she began her tale. "Before the arising of all other races that now populate this world, before magic even had arisen. There was a forgotten race of beings that relied entirely on science and technology. What they called themselves, as well as what they looked like has been completely forgotten. We referred to them as The Ancients. They ruled this planet uncontested, for there was no other intelligent races that shared their world. Soon, that began to change. Magic had entered their world, it began to change not just that race but all other creatures. Thus the Elder Races where born, the ancestors of all of us among the Young Races. Discord is the last of The Elder Races. But Getting him to answer anything is and Exercise in futility, Honestly, I think he neither knows, cares, nor remembers his origins."

Celestia paused, staring into the distance, lost in her memories of a distant time and place. Luna too seemed lost in thought, the Alicorn of Night chasing fleeting memories of a long distant past.

"When the level of magic was high enough the boundaries of space and time were broken and during that time the Illithids arrived. However, this time of high magic eventually ended, stranding what few Illithids had arrived here."

When Celestia next spoke, disgust and hatred dominated her voice as she snarled. "The Illithids were an Infection, Twilight. In order to exist they fed on the brains of intelligent creatures. Their spawn needed to devour other being's minds, possessing the corpses in order to reach adulthood. They were the final nail in the coffin of the Ancients. The Elder Races didn't last much longer. Ach'rd'oa devoured one of the last Elders to attain adulthood, leaving only Discord. But, something went wrong with her maturation, and she was different."

Celestia once more paused, considering her next words. "She's unable to produce more of her kind. She has no need to eat the minds of others, normal food will sustain her. She has emotions and can, theoretically, form friendships. It's why when Discord, Luna, I, and all the other Young Races purged the Illithid infection from Equestria, we spared Ach'rd'oa. Instead making her one of the first inmates of Tartarus." Smiling Ruefully. "Ironically it was Discord that pushed the hardest for her to be sent to Tartarus, seems he held no grudge that the Illithids were the main reason he's the last of his kind."

Celestia paused, seeing the look of horror on her students face, she continued. "We had no choice, they were bringing ponies and other races into this dark place and enslaving them, feeding on them. Using them to create more of themselves. They were a form of life completely hostile to all others. I will not apologize for the necessity of their extinction. It was survival. I can't hope to comprehend what kind of place they had to evolve in to make them that way, but I had no wish for my ponies or myself to be nothing more than a slave, or food, or a part of their life cycle either. I pray that you, my dear Twilight, never have to make such a choice."

"Well said, Princess! Twilight don't be so hard on Celestia, even the Illithids understood why they had to die. It didn't stop them from going down fighting, but they understood. This confession was all my Mistress demanded. That what was done be brought forth. Who else is told I will leave to the four of you. Ach'ri'oa interrupted. "The price of attrition has been met, thus all grudges are ended. Please, enter into the Library of the Forgotten. Enter and enjoy."

Light entered into the darkened hallway, as the last barrier dropped and the wonder of The Library of the Forgotten was revealed to the Four, and thus they went forward, together, into the light.

Be Careful As You Pass, Move Along, Move Along

Applejack sat, forgotten at the gates of the Illithid city.

"Business as usual, I guess." She Muttered.

"Hallo" A strange voice called out.

Shooting to her feet, Applejack looked around for the source of the voice. Looking downward she saw a strange little plant, it came up to her hip and bore what looked like a smiling face shaped by petals and leaves. Two spindly arms ended in fern-like hands. It did not appear to have legs, merely tendrils that held it upright. Cocking its head it seemed to be waiting for a response.

Feeling a little ridiculous AppleJack asked, "Pardon me, but did y'all just say Hello?"

The plant nodded kindly at the mare and replied, "No I said Hallo, but that's close enough."

"Your a plant ain't ya." Applejack asked, completely dumbfounded.

"Yeah, That's right!" The plant chortled happily.

Applejack shook her head, confused and stunned at the plant before her.

Laughing more at the Element of Honesty's speechlessness the plant continued.

"You look like you could use a nice nip of Crab Apple Cider, and not the kid's stuff either. Why don't you come along and meet the family."

Perking her ears up at the words 'Apple' and 'Cider,' Applejack remembered her manners. "Why that would be right neighborly of ya. Please forgive me for not introducing myself earlier, I'm Applejack and I would be delighted to try some of that cider. Being an Apple farmer myself, I am always interested how others do things."

The plant bowed its head in return, "Always glad to meet a fellow Apple Farmer. We tend to the crab apples that grow in the Everfree, I'm Snapdragon and I'm very pleased to meet you, Applejack."

Applejack smiled back at Snapdragon and to the other's giggles bowed and gestured for the plant-girl to lead the way. "Snapdragon I think this is the beginning of a beautiful Friendship"

The two new friends then went forth, each intent on getting the other triumphantly drunk.

Pinkie and Ach'rd'oa walked deeper into the subterranean depths of the city, weird lights generating all the light the two needed, before shutting down behind them.

"I want to show you something Pinkie." The Svelte purple object of Octopi lust and hentai fantasies said to her new found Pink Pony Playmate.

"Wow, the writer is really laying it on think, huh, Rd?" The Pronking Pansexual Pony protested.

"You don't think I'm a Svelte Purple Object Of Octopi Lust And Hentai Fantasy? And Here I thought we were friends, possibly with benefits."

Pinkie shot a look at the Object Of Her Lesbian Overfiend fantasies and saw the twinkle in Ach'rd'oa's eyes.

Shaking her head, then leaning in heavily she caught the Illithids lanky frame in her plump, well toned arms. Squishing Ach'rd'oa to her side Pinkie exclaimed, "Oh, You!"

Releasing the thinner female, Pinkie darted ahead, giving Ach'rd'oa a full view of her shapely form, before looking over her shoulder and asking, innocently, "Where is this thing of yours you wanted to show me?"

Ach'rd'oa found herself blushing for the first time since Celestia's first kiss. "It's just up ahead, and it explains why neither Celestia nor Luna wish to harm me. Why I'm such a freak amongst my kind. An anomaly, something that was never meant to be."

Immediately, Ach'rd'oa found herself enveloped in a warm hug by the Perfectly Proportioned Party Pony.

"Don't say such things about yourself, Rd. I happen to think you are absolutely perfect. After all, the Pies would never have waited so long for your release, nor worshiped you in secret, if anything you said was true!"

Ach'rd'oa stuttered, stunned at what she just heard. "Alright Pinkie, you are really gonna have to rewind that back for me."

"Show me your dark secret and I'll show you mine!" Pinkie giggled, before releasing the object of her Illithid affections and worship into a spin that sent Ach'rd'oa ahead, allowing Pinkie to admire the Octopoid's slim elegant figure.

Narrowing her eyes at the innocent looking mare before her, Ach'rd'oa waved her finger at Pinkie. "You really shouldn't tease so much. Naughty Mares get spanked!"

"Promise?" was Pinkie's reply.

Ach'rd'oa gestured down a side path, "We are almost at the spawning pool. It was the first, where all of the first Illithids on Equestria began. All other Spawning pools, what few there ever were, owed their allegiance and existence to this one. It is also the one that birthed me."

Blurring forward Pinkie, was down the hall in a shot. Finding Ach'rd'oa had somehow arrived before her, the Party Cannon Wielding Mare glanced around. It was a large room with a burnt out crater in the center. The walls looked scorched and in some places melted. Pinkie's mane deflated as she could almost hear the cries of the spawn that had died in here.

"Behold what occurs when you anger an Alicorn enough to make a housecall. When I said I was the last of my kind I wasn't kidding. But now it is time to show you what makes me so different."

Reality shifted, as Images began to form before Pinkie. The Pink Mare watched in morbid fascination as the crater filled with brackish water, a massive brain at the center. Spawn continually formed off of the central mass and fell into the water. Starting to feed on each other almost immediately, the strongest and craftiest of the spawn quickly made their way out of the central butchery and out into the spawning pool proper. Continuing to feed on one another they matured and grew in strength. Slaves of all sorts, some of species Pinkie had never seen were brought to the pool. Once on the edge, the slave so honored had their heads placed within the brackish water, which would attract one or more of the spawn. These spawn would then kill each other to claim the brain inside. The body would then change over many days, left within the spawning chamber, until it arose as an Illithid. Some of the bodies fell prey to spawn that had gathered enough strength to leave the pool. The spawn that did so were swiftly killed by other illithid. For the Elder Brain had decreed that Neolithids were forbidden. Thus it was for eons, as one age turned into another, Pinkie saw that one Spawn had grown strong on the flesh of it's siblings. But always it refused the honor of the taking of a slave. Prefering to feed on the other spawn instead. Eventually it gained enough strength to leave the pool, but instead of feeding on those bodies that had already been chosen, this spawn slithered and hopped up into the higher catacombs. It could smell what it wanted. A body of unique power, one that would make it stronger than all the others. Pinkie neheld as the spawn fell upon a beautiful young girl of golden shimmering skin. As the spawn devoured the brain of the chosen slave, something went wrong. In any other world, in any other place, it would have been as it had always been. But here in Equestria something else happened. The girl was an Elan, one of great strength and had yet to be broken to the will of the Illithids, and as such she called upon her own Psionic might and the power of harmony within herself to beat back the spawn. The spawn however was stronger, succeeding in its desires and thus the conversion began. But the strength of the host had weakened the process and the spawn merely took control of the body, only enhancing and changing a few aspects. What resulted was an Illithid that could feel emotions and understood the need for friendship. Having the living body of a female, meant urges that needed to be sated, hungers that needed to be quenched. The Guard that found her took her back to the Elder Brain for judgement.

"You shall be given a chance Anomaly, as all Illithids are given a chance. The one that found you shall be your parent, for since it is her mind that gave rise to the intelligence that runs this city, it is her failure to observe that a disgusting thing like you exists at all. Still, survival is what Illithids do, I would be remiss in those ways if I destroyed you out of hand."

So, Ach'rd'oa took her name, Ach'rd, meaning anomaly and 'oa being her mother's clan. She took the Elder Brain's word to heart, working and training herself harder than any Illithid before or after her. She had outshone all of her peers and even exceeded those that would be her betters. She became a Cerebremancer, a Fighter of great skill, as well as many other things, for she never knew what talents could better her chances of survival. But she was always careful to never exceed the power of the Elder Brain, for she had seen what honor those that did where given. They could either flee to start up spawning pools of their own, or become subordinate brains to the Elder, wiped clean of all thought. Thus it was for millenia, until the death of the Old Ones, and the rise of the New Races. Thus the death knell of the Illithids had come and Ach'rd'oa watched as all she loved died. She survived as the Elder Brain had told her too, until at last the only place in Equestria left that she could call home was burned to dust. When the last of the true blood Illithids fell, she was thrown into Tartarus, for she could never make more Illithids. She had been born sterile.

The illusion ended as Pinkie sobbed on the ground, the images and thoughts fading from her mind. Turning to look at Ach'rd'oa, she tackled the Illithid to the ground. Locking her lips to the beak of the surprised Octopoid the two writhed in each other's embrace before finally Pinkie allowed Ach'rd'oa to rise. The both of them flush from the experience.

"I want my party to have a pretty princess theme, I want any and all cupcakes your demented mind can make up, as well as coffee of every variety, and our relationship is Friends With Benefits. I want to be free to get some long overdue cock inside of me at some point. No come here, I have had absolutely no sexual release, other then masturbating to Tirek's crying in his sleep, since Celestia was fresh out of braces. And I have no problem with giving you a rim job."

Grabbing the Pink Ponies Plot in her tentacles, Ach'rd'oa proceeded to please her Cotton Candy tasting Partner as promised, and soon the spawning pit was echoing with the sounds of moans and slurping. Both females getting something filling within them for the first time in a long while.

Author's Note

Alright, I know I have a list of things I should be doing right now. I should be finishing Choices, I should be editing what Twist just sent me. I should be cleaning my apartment. I should be typing up the latest edits, corrections and updates to the Book Of Lore. However, my beloved NotJohnHarker asked that if I was going to do none of those things if I would be so kind as to update Going Home. It happens to be one of her favorite stories of mine. So, NEHHHHH!!!!! :rainbowwild:

Finally, In the words of a Real Fuck Mothering Vampire.

I told all of you I had no idea where this Fic is or will be going and that the above was going to happen. If the above shocks or repulses you, you have only yourself to blame.

Come Inside The Shows About To Start.

Twilight and Rainbow Dash moved into the library proper, Luna and Celestia giving the two the lead. The doors opened into an Atrium, the ponies steps echoing into the vaulted ceilings. At the far side sat an open faced desk with a peculiar creature sitting at it. She wore drab, simple clothes and had draconic features but barely would've come up to any of the visitor's waist, if the dangling legs visible underneath the desk were anything to go by. She had a Moss green coloration, bony ridges across her eyes, and was alert but otherwise seemed calm.

"A Kobold." Luna Sighed, "I've not seen one of them in decades."

"Another species the two of you drove to extinction?" Twilight shot back, "Or did you solo that one?"

"We did nothing of the sort," Luna stomped her hoof in indignation, "We had no choice with the Illithids. Its fine for you to judge us after the fact, Twilight Sparkle. Thee was not there. YOU did not have to make the choice. It must make it easy to judge my sister and I."

Twilight turned to respond but Luna cut her off. "After all none of your friends or loved ones had their minds broken. None of the ones you care for were consumed, their bodies used to propagate the very horror that had consumed them. YOU can just judge from your castle. You've never had to make that choice. You can not possibly understand. I pray that you never have to and that you can continue to hate us. I pray to whatever will listen that you will always have the luxury."

Pushing past the younger Alicorn she stalked up to the desk. As the Svelte Dream Princess focused on the Kobold before her she gained a childish bounce.

"Aren't you a little cutie?" Luna squeed, "Don't listen to the mean Princess Judgy Pants. I happen to find your people incredibly adorable and would never do anything to hurt them. I just want to give you a big hug!"

The Female Kobold blushed as several crystals behind her lit up, as a rather large male dragon was projected into the room. The hologram roosted on the top railing of the Atrium, it's black scales glistened in the light of the library, twin horns sweeping forward to frame a long snout filled with jagged teeth. His immense leathery wings settled at his sides as his claws gripped the rails, his skeletal face glaring down at them. The young Kobold turned and knelt, lowering her head to the ground as she debased herself before her master.

"So this is what happened to you." Celestia snarled. "You conniving piece of gutter filth. You just come forth without saying a word to me. You betrayed your own kind to the Illithids for power, you captured slaves from the other races for them, you led the hunt to drive the last of the Draconequus to extinction and, worst of all, YOU STOOD ME UP!!!!!"

All eyes turned to the Alicorn of the Sun, her hair on fire as the air wavered and the stone floor began to smolder. "You monumental JERK! I could stand it being just a sex thing between us, Tartarus knows I haven't been bucked better since, I could even stand the occasional Assassination attempt, it was sweet of you to send my enemies to me so that I could have an excuse to slaughter them, it really was. But what I could not stand was you standing me up to go Buck that bitch Platinum! I'm an Alicorn! What does some elitist cock sleeve of a Unicorn have that I don't? I hope you got tested afterwards with how thorough she was about preserving the royal bloodline. The only reason she lived as long as she did was her STDs were too busy trying to kill each other to harm her. Her children were born with a permanent case of Syphilis that I only just managed to breed out of them a generation ago."

Stepping forward, the Inferno of Wronged Womanhood glared up at the cringing male coward before her. "Well?! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?!!!!!" Celestia screamed, her Royal Canterlot Voice reverberating within the room, causing all but the Dragon to clutch their ears.

In the quiet, they all heard the Mighty Black Dragon's Response.

"Bye." The Black Dragon said, as he disappeared without a trace, the crystals in their alcoves going dark.

"DON"T YOU RUN FROM ME!!!! METHOPHIAS GET BACK OUT HERE NOW!!!!!" Celestia demanded, louder than before, her shout causing a shockwave to slam into the walls of the room.

The temperature began to Skyrocket as Celestia gathered her power, the stones at her feet melting.

"I will burn this place to the ground to get to you!" Celestia pronounced, her voice quiet and dangerous, "Do Not Think That I Won-"

A resounding slap echoed forth and a lavender hand was lowered, as a shocked Celestia looked down upon her student.

"Are you better now?" Twilight inquired, her voice strong but low.

Nodding Celestia fell to her knees, her anger leaving her as the horror of what she had almost done fell on her.

Slender lavender arms engulfed her, followed by ones of cyan. Four wings engulfed the Ivory Princess, allowing Celestia to calm herself.

"Yes, I'm so sorry. I just got so angry, that bastard strung me along and then discarded me. I am so sorry, I almost killed you all!" Celestia let out between sobs, the hiccuping snorts making a liar out of her.

As she got herself under control, once more she rose. Looking across the room she could see that Luna had enveloped the Kobold in the tightest hug imaginable. All that could be seen was the poor draconic creature's snout protruding from between Luna's breasts. A glow surrounded the both of them, the corresponding glow of Luna's horn giving the source of the shield away.

"Feeling better now, sister?" Luna asked, her deep tone betraying her annoyance and her glittering eyes amusement, "Done acting the wronged woman? I seem to remember that you and Platinum used to have contests to steal males from each other. You can hardly be mad that he was one of the ones that was on her scorecard. Especially with so many on yours.

Celestia blushed at the implication as she disengaged from Twilight and Rainbow, Rainbow letting out a snort as Twilight looked at her mentor with a smirk upon her face.

"Yes, well the first defeat is always the hardest isn't it?" Celestia snarked back, "Now let the poor Kobold down. You'll smother her if you don't let her have air soon. I have no idea how that Barista survives your affections. Or was that why he's been at the Gym so much lately? Hmmmmm?"

"He has not complained to us. And I do enjoy the six pack he acquired. Your just jealous that no one warms your bed. That just this once, I have someone while you don't." Luna replied.

Deactivating her horn, Luna dropped the magical shield and deposited the Kobold unto the ground. The small female bowed and introduced herself.

"I am First Assistant to the Head Librarian Methophias. I can assist you in whatever you need."

A flash of light and The First Assistant was knocked to the ground as Twilight teleported right on top of her.

"Luna was right! You are so adorable!" Twilight cooed, knuzzling the Kobold tightly, "And you're a Number One Assistant just like my Spike!"

"Uh, Spike, Your Majesty?" Inquired the befuddled Kobold.

"My assistant, he's a dragon, albeit a young one." Twilight stopped her knuzzling as a slow smile formed over her face. "How old are you?"

"If it pleases Your Majesty, I have just reached my majority." She answered, "May I ask why the Lady wishes to know?"

"How do you feel about Dragons?" Twilight continued, her smile getting wider and more sinister as plans formed in her head.

"They are our noble gods, it is an honor to serve them in any way."

"What's your name, First Assistant To The Head Librarian?"

The First Assistant looked blankly back at Twilight, "Name, Your Majesty? We that serve Methophias do not take names, only the titles he gives unto us."

Twilight's eyes narrowed dangerously, her arms clutching protectively around the little First Assistant. "What did you just say?"

Sensing danger, The First Assistant nevertheless repeated her answer, "I apologize if my answer offends or angers you, but I have no name, only the title I was gifted with by Methophias upon completing my training."

"I am most assuredly not angry at you." Twilight corrected the nervous little one in her arms, it was then that Twilight's smile returned.

This time it was positively malevolent as the Lavender Checklist Powered Princess asked, "How do you feel about being impregnated by my dragon as his concubine?"

The Little Female eyes lit up with joy, "It would be a supreme honor to be so used and bring such powerful blood once more into my race."

"Good, but first I gift you the name Index and if that coward of a Dragon that runs this place wants to dispute it I will kindly remind him that I can easily find the crystals that are his. I also happen to know the frequency that crystals shatter at."

Celestia smirked lovingly down upon her former student and asked. "And what if Spike has no wish for a concubine? Or is unhappy that you got him one?"

"Please, he holds it back but he needs the release. If he doesn't get some soon he's likely to become dangerous. Dragon Hormones are no joke. Once it becomes clear that she's doing this of her own free will, he'll jump all over her." Pulling Index closer Twilight finished, "Besides he'll also be very protective of her, more so after she becomes pregnant. I really would not want to be the one that harms a scale on her head. Spike can get vicious when it comes to protecting those he cares for."

A squee was heard as all eyes turned to see Luna bouncing up and down. "That means adorable Kobold babies! EHHHHHHHH!"

"Hey guys?" Rainbow Dash spoke up, "I agree that Index is adorable and that Spike needs to get some relief, but can we please get on with why we're here! I need to find that book on the Wonderbolts! It could hold forgotten secrets and besides they said we could befriend it! Interactive Wonderbolt Book Friend! I need that!"

"I am afraid that that section of the Library had to be sealed off, along with the Arcane repository, Methophias's central coding chamber, and, just recently, our birthing cavern." Index said helpfully from the depths of Twilight's bossom.

"Sealed off? Why, my dear little one?" Princess Celestia asked.

"Those Areas have an Infestation of Puppeteers." Index answered. "The Noble Methophias sealed the chambers to prevent further contamination. We are lucky we could re-establish a new birthing cavern in an alternate area. The new generation will be well protected, by his will."

"How many of the previous birthing were saved?" Luna asked, "How many uninfected Kobolds, made it out of the infected areas?"

Index cocked her head. "None made it out, all had to be sealed inside lest the Puppeteers spread. None can get through those seals. Only by the will of Methophias can one go in and only by his will can any leave."

Celestia snorted her disgust, then overruled the adorkable First Assistant. "Oh, I think I know one that can."

Looking directly upwards Celestia addressed the city, "Ach'ri'oa, I know that you heard all of that and that you wanted us to hear it too. I have a solution."

"Does it involve burning more of me to the ground? I really can't take much more damage."

Celestia pursed her lips, "No, It involves bringing in adventurers, Puppeteer parts are invaluable for all sorts of alchemy. You might have the single greatest concentration ever seen. So, want to make a deal?"

The city's squeal echoed into the library, "Oh, I just knew we all were going to be such great friends!"

Author's Note

Things are beginning to shape up aren't they? How else will things form?

No Please, tell me how they'll form because I have not the faintest idea in hell and I am starting to get a little scared. I actually started giggling like a madman when I wrote Celestia's rant at Methophias. Not to mention any part involving Index.

For those of you in anyway insulted or hurt by the contents of this fanfic, I invite you to go piss off. I warned you this was going to get bad, you chose to read this far anyway. I am in no way pulling this back. Hell I really think it's going to get a whole lot worse.

For those curious, Say hello to Index:

Also, greet Methophias:

Also, I have no idea why I keep referencing the great author Georg's work, Her Royal Morning Coffee (Georg Senpai Notice Me!) but go read it and like it. Maybe we'll get a sequel one of these days. Just to be clear, the references are for humor alone and in no way me claiming any real association with that work, or any work my fevered mind may reference here. This is pretty much I pick a direction and sometimes I get to the destination, sometimes I don't, and sometimes I end up somewhere else entirely. This is a Crack Fic of the most divergent variety, I have absolutely no control, just minor editing rights. If I try to change anything I gets the hose again.

Guaranteed to Blow Your Head Apart

Fluttershy followed the glimmering lights until she exited into a massive cavern. A central dias rose from a massive amphitheater as a cloaked figure gave orders, sending Ratfolk scurrying off unto mysterious errands. The figure stood a full foot taller then Fluttershy, almost to the height of Discord, and wore a ceramic mask, the face featureless.

It's gurgling voice echoed out, shouting it's orders, "Yimt gsv klmb yvuliv nv!"

"I guess he means me, time to look the part of a Kirvhgvhh of the Dark Mother."

Pressing her hands first against her lower abdomen, then raising them to cover her eyes energies of foulest intent clothed her in her own robes, her clothing falling away leaving her breasts and stomach exposed.

"I thought you said-"

"Somethings are mandatory when you carry the progeny of the last of the Elder Races," Fluttershy interjected, cutting Ach'ri'oa off, "after all my Sfhyzmw is so devoted, it's such a small sacrifice to make."

Banishing the shy mare she was with a flip of her mane, to be required upon her leaving, Fluttershy strode forward.

"Zs, R Zn Tozw gszg z Kirvhgvhh lu gsv Wzip Nlgvi vcrhgh hgroo." It slurred politely, bowing its head slightly in respect.

Fluttershy tilted her head. "I thought all the worms that walked had been eradicated. To find such foulness here. What is thy purpose and name?"

A chuckling burbling was her answer, the thing raised a hand made of all that squirms in the dark and shook it back and forth, "Blf szgs ml hfxs zfgslirgb sviv, zhp ztzrm Kirvhgvh," the thing corrected.

Fluttershy smirked, "If you have no wish to tell me thy purpose or name that is thy issue. I was merely bidding thee a friendly welcome. You hath taken care of these little ones well. I wish only to have those that have no warren mothers or fathers to take them in. To raise them as I will. Surely such a thing is within thy power to grant, oh great filth."

The Worm That Walks snorted, "Uozggvrb droo tvg blf vevibdsviv."

Gesturing to a corner of the amphitheater, it made a coughing sound as several mewling pups tottered outwards towards the element of kindness. The oldest was merely a yearling and the youngest had yet to open her eyes. Fluttershy knelt, extending her hand. Smelling her they swarmed forward, helped along by the yearling.

"It's alright little ones, I shall be thine new mother. I shall teach thee the secret pathways of the wood, that even the Timberwolves don't know. You shall all learn of our Dark Mother Of The Wood and how she loves us. You shall grow strong," Taking a breath she shouted, "Discord I call thee, as Druv, as Nzgv, and as my Sfhyzmw you shall answer. Come and greet your new daughters and sons."

A silent loudness echoed over the cavern as Fluttershy's shout echoed out. The scurrying of the Ratkin fell silent as they all looked in random directions, for the first time their senses unsure of where the predator was coming from.

A low cheerful laugh echoed out into the cavern, directionless and from all directions, "Oh, my dearest Fluttershy, just couldn't wait to be a mommy eh? Well, whom am I to deny your desire. I will take our children home, they and dinner will be awaiting."

An echoing snap and the presence was gone, along with all of the little ones, taken while everyone's attention was elsewhere.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, The Lord Of Chaos Discord!" Ach'ri'oa's voice chortled, "And Maladious, stop speaking in code. The writer has a headache and doesn't wish to keep the gag going."

Shaking what could only broadly be called its head, Maladious answered, "Fine, even though I have no idea what you're talking about," Nodding his head to Flutters he continued, "I bid thee welcome again, Priestess. I wonder might I ask your assistance in a trivial matter? Those of the Dark Mother and we that worship the ones that dwelt here were friends once upon a time."

Flutters cocked her head, "I shall consider it. Know that I know full well the treachery that ended that friendship Maladious. Ask and we shall see."

The Slithering Monstrosity babbled humorously, "When one's master gives an order the slaves must obey! But the task is one that you would find pleasurable, me thinks. You do have such an affection for these little ones. As for me, they serve the purpose of this city and therefore mine, other than that I care not for them. However we have an infestation of tatzelworms that love to devour these vermin by the droves. I would love if you could send word to other Children of The Dark Mother. You all have such skill with the animals, one among you must surely be able to deal with my pest problem."

Fluttershy narrowed her eyes, "Indeed I will pass on that knowledge, and I am sure one or more among us has the solution. But if thee breaks trust, our roth will be great and the consequences to you will be dire."

The city interjected giggling, "He is bound to that spot Fluttershy, he is one of the living intelligences that help me maintain this city. He will behave, for Ach'rd'oa wishes it so and she is the master now."

"Then by the will of the Dark Mother it will be done!" Fluttershy vowed.

Turning, she ascended the steps. As she did so, her robes fell away and once more her clothes were her own as once more she retrieved the timid mare she had been. Smiling, she spoke unto the city, "If you don't mind would you lead me back to my cottage and inform the others were I have gone? I have so much to do now that Discord and I are Parents. Especially now that I must spread the word amongst the chosen. Pretty Please?"

"Oh stop, you'll give me DIabetes and I don't even have a spleen!" Ach'ri'oa shot back, "I thought Pinkie was the stupidly sweet one, but if you would just follow the lighted tunnels I shall guide you to your destination. After all that's what friends are for!"

As Rarity looked over all those Wyrwoods assembled, one of them broke off from the crowd and bowed low.

"This one has been selected for the purpose of bringing you to our master." It stated, "She that directs our purpose."

Rarity returned the bow and answered, "I would be honored if you would escort me Mr...?" Her implied question hung in the air a moment before the little wooden creature answered.

"This one is designated, Drone 1. If you would please follow this way it would please this one. Mustn't keep the master waiting." It hurried, it's voice rising shrilly towards the end.

Rarity bowed her head once more and gestured with her hand, "I follow as you lead," She replied.

"Excellent!" Drone 1 proclaimed, "The master will be most pleased!"

Turning promptly on it's heel, Drone 1 marched off, the rest of the Wyrwood parting before it. Rarity strolled after, her eyes glancing all around at the beauty of these people.

"Some of their clothes seem a little threadbare though." She thought, "I must make sure that I alleviate that."

Glancing around her surroundings she saw that she was heading towards a more rundown part of the city. The cobblestones were once more cracked, with moss and vines battling each other for the honor of climbing the walls of the ruins. Strange large footprints tracked through the filth, but seemed to turn aside from the path they were taking.

"Just a little farther, Ms. Belle." Drone 1 informed, "Soon we will see the -"

A putrid smell wafted through, stopping Drone 1 in his tracks. The little automaton stiffened, and then crouched, darting its head in every direction. Holding its finger to where its mouth would be it bade Rarity be quiet. A bellowing roar caused Drone 1 to shoot forward. Grabbing Rarity's arm, he dragged her into a small alcove, hidden from view. Silencing her once again he looked out. Rarity scrunched her nose as the smell gradually rose, the acrid foul stench sending tears down her eyes. She once more attempted to ask her guide for clarity but silenced herself when she felt the thud of approaching massive footfalls.

A dull witted slothful voice echoed out from above, "Now where did they go? I knowed I sniffed one of them wooden treats and a pony snack too."

Rarity lowered herself to the ground as a snuffling sound was heard, the light faded as something large moved to the entryway of the alcove. Her ears flattened as she realized what blocked the light.

"Oh Dear, that is a very large leg." was her only thought.

Rarity froze, Tirek at his biggest would have had a hard time with the foul smelling creature that currently blocked her and Drone 1's only escape. Barely able to see outside of the alcove, she shivered on the ground, her arms reached out and yanked Drone 1 tightly to herself.

A second voice, just as dull witted, echoed out, "You imagining things, where would they be hiding eh? You just smelling dinner from a week ago. Some of that pudding we had is still stuck up your nose."

Rarity squeezed the wooden automaton tighter, she had no desire to learn what pudding the twin creatures were discussing.

"None of those we've faced has ever wanted to eat us," Rarity silently mused, "Except for that greed growth incident with Spike, but I doubt I will enjoy what they are talking about as much I did that."

Keeping herself as still as she could, Rarity continued to muse. "When I get out of here I am going to make sure that Spike can't walk for a month. After all once you go Dragon all other Males are lagging."

Giggling to herself of the absurdity of her thoughts, she froze as she heard the voices again.

"Oi! You hear that? Sounded like a giggle of a tart." The one voice said.

Rarity's breath quickened, "I've really done it now!" she whined to herself.

"Yeah I did!" The second voice said, "Move our leg, I think theys hiding in that alcove we standing over."

The light reasserted itself on to be blocked again as a great hand came grasping forward. Drone 1 pushed out of Rarity's embrace, rushing forward he was enclosed in the hand. Look back Drone 1 pointed down the direction they were going, then was yanked out into daylight.

Rarity's eyes blazed, "Oh no! I will not allow one of my new friends to be eaten!"

Charging forward she beheld a Large two headed being, clad only in a foul smelling loin cloth and smeared with an abominable amount of foulness, it dangled the small wyrwood over its mouth.

Rarity's eyes narrowed, a snarl upon her face. Many had looked upon the Fabulous Fashionista with only eyes of lust. They all forgot one thing. Even Rainbow Dash refused to challenge her martial skills.

"Call me a tart and I'll laugh it off," She snarled, "Threaten to eat me and I may take you up on the offer. But no one treats my friends so shamefully!"

Her horn glowing as energy arced across her body, her practice of sparring with Starlight paying of as her mana enhanced her body. Tensing her legs, she propelled herself straight up. Ending her jump just above the twin heads, she spun and landed her spinning downward mule kick precisely between the twin heads. The beast roared in pain as it dropped the Wyrwood.

"It's all right I have you." she assured Drone 1, as she herself began to fall.

Landing gracefully, she felt fatigue set in, "I am not going to be able to fight that thing." She exclaimed, "I have nowhere near the power I need."

"Ms Belle, just up ahead is my lady, she will protect us!" Drone 1 squealed, "She hates the Ettin as much as we fear them!"

"Hold on Darling," Rarity commanded, shunting power once more to her legs, "We are about to accelerate rather rapidly."

Releasing the energy the Tantilizing Terror sped past the two headed buffon, her nose wrinkling in disgust as she noticed how little its filth covered loin cloth covered.

"It's good to be proud, but a little modesty goes a long way," The Purple Haired Helion thought.

Passing into the area Drone 1 indicated, she felt the ground vibrate as the Ettin thundered behind her. Easily outdistancing the foully unfashionable crettin, Rarity almost ran straight into the most beautiful being. Standing as large as the creature behind her, this being had a Flat nosed face of unsurpassing beauty, so very unlike her own pointed sharp features. Disheveled Raven black hair cascaded down it shoulders and framed the glorious breasts that were exposed to the air. A lions body, covered in golden fur extended back as dark brown eagle's wings with white tips nestled on the beings back. Green eyes, looked down as sharp teeth were bared in a disdainful snarl.

"Oh, I would so let you eat me." Rarity squeaked.

The being chuckled as it rose to greet the vile disgusting foulness that dared enter her presence.

A low throaty voice purred from the sphinx, "You have protected one that is mine. Allow me to deal with this and we can discuss what the city has asked you to do."

Charging forward, the Svelte Sphinx pounced upon the ettin. Pinning to the ground she was able to make short work of it, spitting the foulness out of her mouth she turned to Rarity and Drone 1.

"Ms Belle would you please put me down." Drone 1 Requested, his voice muffled from being pressed into her chest.

Rarity blushed, "Off course darling."

Lowering the small one to the ground she watched as it kneeled before its mistress. She herself curtsied as the predator approached, the Sphinx's mouth smeared with the disgusting blood of the Ettin.

"Now Ms. Belle, why don't we talk about how you can best assist my mistress." The Sphinx purred.

Shaking her head, Rarity smiled viciously as she replied, "Oh Darling, We are going to be the best of friends, I just know it."

Author's Note

I am going to be trying a new way to update. Please bear with me as I try to make this so that all my stories get set to a regular schedule. Or at least a regular order of Update. Till next time, I hope you enjoyed this and feel free to comment. I try to answer as many as I can.

Rest Assured You'll Get Your Money's Worth

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

When You Show A Twilight A Library

The Mane Six moved through the Everfree, the dark of the forest, somehow less. Indeed, the often ominously silent forest was quietly alive with the cautious sound of birds and other things moving just out of sight. The girls had yet to meet any significant predator, nor be blocked in any way as they made their way towards their destination.

"Not that I am complaining, Darling, but shouldn't something threatening have happened by now." Rarity remarked. "I mean I've yet to even ruin my pedicure."

"Yeah, this is Kinda Boring," came Rainbow Dash's reply.

Twilight grabbed Rainbow by the shirt, pulled her close, and kissed her full on the lips. For a full ten minutes there was no sound over the purple Alicorn playing tonsil hockey with the Cyan Mare.

"I agree with Rarity and Rainbow, something's off. Even if the Everfree hasn't always been hostile, this almost seems like it's being friendly." Twilight remarked after reducing Rainbow Dash to a quivering mass of Jelly. Spinning the Pegasus around she proceeded to preen Rainbow's wings, while she thought about the nature of their current predicament.

It was Applejack that provided the answer however, "Twi, Ah think Ah, know. It appears we been walkin on stone fer a bit. Honestly, Ah'm surprised it took me this long to notice."

Rainbow let loose a Moan as Twilight plucked a rather stubborn feather. "You're right Applejack! I have no idea why I didn't notice either." Releasing the Rainbow Speedster, who promptly collapsed, she began examining the road. "Huh, interesting. This road leads directly towards Ponyville. I am sure it wasn't here yesterday."

"Well maybe the city was possessed by an Emotional Hyperbolic Manifestation of Friendship, and decided that a road would encourage visitors, so it used its control over its envronment to both calm the forest, and condense the minerals in the ground into cobble stones. To make visitors easier and more likely. Yah Know, so the Mistress of the City won't be lonely and depressed sitting in her Mother's house, upon her Mother's chair, dwelling on that she's the last of a species so evil that Princess Celestia and Luna teamed up with Discord to wipe them from existence."

Everyone looked to Pinkie as she paused to breath.

"Oh, Pinkie, you're so random!" Twilight interjected. "We won't know for sure till we get to the city so onwards! Hey, why is Rainbow asleep?"

"Uhm, You kind of made out with her in front of us, then preened her without permission, also in front of us. If you believe me that is." Fluttershy sighed.

"What? No I didn't." With that Twilight picked up her toy Pegasai, slung the unconscious athlete over her shoulder, and strode of down the path, humming. After her friends were done shaking their heads they followed after the current holder of The Alicorn Most In Denial Award.

Luna and Celestia landed in front of the City, the shimmering of the light through the leaves in stark contrast to the sternness of their countenance.

Why, Greetings and Salutations, Princesses Celestia and Luna, I regret to inform you that you are a wee bit early. Twilight and friends haven't gotten here yet and my Mistress wishes 'all to enter or none may enter.' Honestly, The Mistress can be such a Drama Queen. Oh! That gives her more rank then you princesses, right?

Luna stepped forward, "Greetings, Who am I addressing? We were under the impression that Ry'll'ch was abandoned."

Why my name is Ach'ri'oa, and I am the current personality seed that controls, repairs and handles the running of Ry'll'ch, by the way Princess Luna, how's the thing with that Barista from Ponyville going? I hear his employees get the absolutely best benefits. Is banging the boss part of that, or was that how you got the job to begin with?"

"It was one of the benefits, but apparently after me it had to be discontinued, something about any other mare being disappointing. Incidentally, I was going to bring coffee, but I wasn't sure if your mistress even was capable of drinking it or what she'd prefer. So, I do apologize for showing up empty handed. If you tell me her preferences, I will be sure to bring some the next time."

Ach'ri'oa was silent a moment, then she spoke, "Luna, the last time you entered this city you provided your sister with the direct coordinates for the spawning pool itself. My mistress still wakes up screaming from nightmares that something in the darkness is calling the sun to come incinerate her, if you think some high price coffee is going to make up for that...."

"Every time I arrive I will bring whatever coffee, pastry or other delight she wishes, completely free of charge. It will be, as they say in this age, on me, FOREVER."

"She'll take the biggest size you have of a skim, no froth, chai latte, heavy on the pumpkin spice. She prefers a simple strawberry frosted with rainbow sprinkles. If they don't have that, then get her an Apple Fritter. Otherwise, pick something choclatey with rainbow sprinkles."

"Not a problem, I'll just bring an assortment, that way she can try a variety of pastries to make an informed decision."

"You're hereby cleared of all charges and are welcome, as long as you have such delights with you."

Luna turned to Celestia, "You're right sister, all things can be solved with enough pastry."

"With an ass like that, I imagine that Celestia would be an expert on that technique." Ach'ri'oa snarked.

Luna snorted while Celestia stepped forward.

"My ass is magnificent, thank you very much, or at least that's what her Barrista said after I let him eat cake off of it." Celestia fixed the doors with a fiery glare. "When we're let in, where will your mistress be recieving us?"

"You'll be taken to the Library to wait there, after all there's nothing to burn in our libraries. All our Books are imprinted onto holographic crystals, Princess Twilight will be waiting with you there, so you can explain what happened all those years ago. If you want friendship with my mistress, that is the price she asks of you and only you, Princess of the Sun."

A small voice spoke, "What does she mean Princess, what happened here. Wait.... Did she use the words, recorded on Holographic Crystals?"

Ach'ri'oa spoke again, "Why hello Princess Twilight and friends! Yes, hello, Pinkie, I see you waving there, I'm not ignoring you. My name is Ach'ri'oa and I am the Intelligence that runs the city of Ry'll'ch. But, No I did not say that they where recorded unto holographic crystals." Twilight's ears lowerd and she slumped, yet somehow still, not dropping the prone form of Rainbow Dash. "I said they're Imprinted unto Holographic Crystals, much different. Imprinting gets you an entire personality, which means Princess Sparkle that each of the books in our library is completely interactive and sapient within it's expertise. And in anticipation of your next question, they can in fact form friendships."

The resulting Squee was heard in Griffinstone.