Groggily coming to, Twilight crawled her way from the nest of blankets her bed had become. Slinking downstairs, she followed the smell of beautiful nectar that was her morning cup of coffee. Staggering blindly into the kitchen, she kissed Rainbow dash, poured herself a cup of the black viscous tar that was her special blend, took it like a shot, then poured herself another. Glancing around, she spotted her friends, waking fully, she smiled.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” Twilight smiled at her friends, "And why is Rainbow on the floor?"

“Y’all kissed Dash again.”

“What? No I didn’t.” Continuing thoughtfully, Twilight muttered. "I've never kissed Rainbow Dash, no matter what my Romantic Fanfiction says."

"What was that?" Applejack asked

"Huh? Nothing."

Her friends just shook their heads at Twilight, Rainbow still recovering from the Alicorn powered kiss she had just received.

“Not that I’m not glad to see you girls, but why are you six here?” Twilight asked, “This isn’t another intervention is it?”

Spike spoke up first, “No, we wanted to know about the ancient city that appeared in the Everfree over night. We thought you might've some ideas.”

"Yeah! I need to know if I have a 'Congratulations, Reawakening your Blasphemous City of Terror Party' to plan and what insanity inducing aberration of reality it's for. I mean do you know what'll happen if I use the oysters meant for Cthullu if the party was for Yog-Soth, not to mention what a drama queen Nylarhotep can be if something goes wrong? Honestly Twilight, a little notification would've been nice." Pinkie interjected.

“City what city? Listen, if this is about my coffee consumption, It's down to three pots a day, which we all agreed was acceptable for an Alicorn of my age and body weight.”

“Quite Darling, even though you did work out how to triple the potency in each pot, making your personal brew the equivalent of toxic sludge, but again, not why we're here. Like dear Spikey Wikey said, a city revealed itself after you had passed out from your five day book binge. We'd hoped you'd heard something from the Princesses about this.”

“No, I’m pretty sure they'd have notified me of that.” The Purple Princess got another thoughtful look, “So this intervention is about my book bingeing, huh? Well I'll have you know I made sure to feed Owlicious and gave Spike access to the grocery money. Also, I wore the horn inhibitor with the 5 digit randomized code lock so that I wouldn’t cast anything without being able to mathematically calculate the exact sequence of randomization.”

“Owlicious is over at my house, and the grocery money only had 5 bits in it. Spike stayed with Rarity after the second day.” Fluttershy interjected. “But we really are telling the truth about the city. I found out about it when a Manticore that had lived there was complaining about getting evicted. Oh, and if you don't mind that is, can you send Phil back home?"

Twilight looked confused, "Phil?"

Her friends nodded eerily in unison, then said simultaneously, in the same deep voice, "Yeah, if you wouldn't mind, in this dimension I can only exist in the minds of these six mares and this young drake. But if it will help move things along, a letter did come for you, from a Mr. Tartarus. I had Spike place it on your desk, I didn't want to interrupt your obsessive spree of Insanity. So, not that this is not fun and all, but I really would like to get back to my own family. So can you just banish me and let us all exit this bad gag."

Twilight pursed her lips, "Fine, Klaatu, Barada, Necktie," She intoned

"Yeah, you seem to have gotten the last one wrong." Phil replied.

Twilight took another sip of her coffee, clearing her throat she said, in a slow, calm, quiet voice. "If you do not leave my friend's minds this very instant, then retreat back to wherever it is I called you from, I will exorcise your essence from them and feed it through my coffee maker to add extra kick to the next pot."

Smoke poured from her friends and fled screaming up the stairs towards whatever circle she had called 'Phil' out of. A moment later she felt the surge of an interdimensional gateway opening and shutting extremely quickly.

Twilight smiled, "Still got it."

Picking up her coffee cup, she kissed Rainbow Dash, poured herself another cup and retreated to her desk. Reading the letter she yelled to her still rising friends. "Hey guys, I found our next Friendship Adventure."

Running over to them, she waited as they got to their feet, then noticed one of her friends was still on the floor.

"Hey, Guys? What happened to Rainbow Dash?"

The Purple Book horse was puzzled that all her friends, minus Rainbow, face palmed in unison.

Back in Cantorlot, Princess Celestia tended to the day court. Throughout her duties, she felt like she had forgotten something. The Noble before her was twattling on about some inane thing she was going to politely say no to, completely unaware that his Princess wasn't paying him the slightest bit of attention.

"What am I missing?" Celestia thought. "It's such a horrible feeling not to remember. Let me retrace my steps, I woke up, raised the sun, Luna set the moon. We retreated to breakfast. Tartarus sent us a letter, hmmmmm. Something about that letter. Something I am forgetting, Hmmmmmmm."

A clamoring was heard at the Day Court door, as Luna rushed in, still in her Pajamas, panic evident upon her face. "Sister, there was another name on that letter!"

The Princess of the Day, paused, why would there be another name on the letter? Cadance was a princess of a lesser kingdom, so it wouldn't have been addressed to her. The only Princess that might have gotten...... the......... letter...... was... "HOLY FUCK SHIT CRAP SUCK. TWILIGHT GOT THE SAME LETTER!!!!!"

Author's Note

I giggled the entire time I wrote this. I am pretty sure this is gonna be a pure crack fic, plus whatever vile fetishism/porn/awfulness I can cram into here. Rest assured their will still be a lot of seriousness and plot development, but the story seems to want to go this way, so I am gonna let it.