Too Much Pink Energy is Dangerous
The Mirror Annex of Namepending Castle1 held more than just the portal to the human world. It also contained literature related to said portal: Spacial magic, ape behavior studies, speculative fiction, and more in similar veins. But the portal was the central focus of the room, especially now as magic coruscated through the contraption enclosing it, up and through the quantumantic entanglement2 of Sunset Shimmer’s old journal. Fluttershy emerged from the portal, flapping her wings a few times to keep her balance as she settled back on four hooves.
1 There was a reason that the School of Friendship’s name featured prominently on even its earliest blueprints. If nothing else, Ponyville had taught Twilight Sparkle how to learn from her mistakes.
2 What Clover the Clever might have called “spooky magic at a distance” had much of his life not consisted of much spookier magic at point-blank range.
Then she noticed the alicorn staring slack-jawed at her. “Oh. Uh, hello Twilight. I thought you had a curriculum to plan.”
“I did, yes,” Twilight said once she collected herself. She narrowed her eyes. “Then we had to help you. In Manehattan.”
“Oh. Right! Of course. I’m… uh… the human Fluttershy?” Fluttershy’s lips pressed together as she looked about the room with feigned wonder. “Oh, wow, this sure is an amazing crystal palace you have, no-glasses Twilight.” She turned to her own sides. “And are these wings? And saddlebags? My goodness, what—”
Twilight groaned and brought a hoof to her face. “Fluttershy, stop. Just… just stop.”
Eyes wide and watering, Fluttershy said, “But—”
“You knew I was working out the School of Friendship’s curriculum. Also, you can’t turn on the portal on the other side. Star Swirl only knows how many other banished creatures there are in that world.3”
3 He didn't. Star Swirl keeping track of how many beings he banished to other worlds would be like the average pony tracking how many flower petals they ate.
Fluttershy wilted. “Oh.”
After a deep breath, Twilight turned towards the annex doors. “Come on. Let’s go figure this out.”
Fluttershy followed her, head still bowed, ears still flattened. “Well, you see—”
Twilight held up a wing, not even breaking her stride. “No, no. I want to hear this explanation from our extra Fluttershy.” She glanced back with a piercing gaze. “Though I would also like to know what you were doing there.”
“I’m sorry,” said Fluttershy, looking away.
“I’m not mad, Fluttershy, I'm just...” Twilight gritted her teeth and went through a few breathing exercises that didn't require her to stop to perform them. “Okay, I am a little mad, but mostly because you did this behind my tail. I would've happily let you through if you'd just asked. But we’ll have to discuss it later.” Twilight all but stomped down the front hall’s stairs, Fluttershy following behind, her softer hoofsteps barely audible even on the crystal. “Everypony,” Twilight announced, “we have a situation.”
The others looked up from their conversation, then looked back and forth between the Fluttershies. “Is this a prank?” said Rainbow Dash. “‘Cause if it is, I’m not sure if I’m more proud or confused.”
“Whatever it is,” said Twilight, “I’d like an explanation.” She locked eyes with the Fluttershy who had terrorized Saddle Row earlier that day. “If that’s you, Ocellus, we’ve talked about this. If you’re another reformed changeling, then I’m sure you have your reasons and I'd like to hear them. If you’re Chrysalis, I’m giving you one chance to surrender.” With every word, Twilight stalked closer to the pegasus, her friends backing away from the potential blast radius.
“Um…” Ears flat, the Fluttershy looked about the room in quick sweeps. She offered an uneasy smile. “None of the above?”
Everypony else gasped, not at what had been said, but at the voice that had said it.
“No way,” said Dash.
Applejack scratched under her hat. “This don’t make a lick o’ sense.”
Rarity just looked to confirm that, yes, Pinkie was still standing next to her, as shocked as any of them. “Darling, I don’t suppose you’ve been around the Mirror Pool lately?”
Pinkie shook her head. “I learned my lesson from the last time. I don’t think anypony’s used the Pool since Boulder almost made an avalanche of himself.” She walked up to the mare with her voice. “But I do know who this is.” Pinkie reached into the other pink mane and pulled on a hidden zipper. The head split open down the middle.
Pinkie’s own lay beneath it, still bearing that awkward smile. “Hi, me. Hi, pony versions of everyone.”
Twilight blinked. “Wait. The human Pinkie?”
“Uh-huh,” both Pinkies said simultaneously. The local continued, “We swap places sometimes.”
“It lets us get as much party experience on both sides as we can,” added the other.
“But, but…” Rarity sputtered. “I saw Fluttershy’s wings move at Rarity For You! You mean to tell me the other Pinkie is a pegasus?”
“Of course not, silly!” The unsuited Pinkie grabbed the Fluttershy costume and removed it from her double with a single swift movement, revealing an identical earth pony underneath. The other Pinkie promptly plopped down, sitting on her own tail and blushing. “I found these really neat headbands in the human world that have cat ears that read your brain waves, so I took one of them and worked it into the Fluttersuit so you can move the wings with your thoughts!” The local Pinkie flipped out the hood of the costume, revealing electrodes and wires leading down the back of the neck, then turned to her counterpart. “Right, me?”
“Uh…” The human Pinkie looked around the room, shrinking in on herself a bit more and somehow turning even pinker.
“Aw, it’s okay!” Pinkie pulled Pinkie up to her hooves. “Remember, in the land of the nude, the half-dressed mare gets looked at funny.”
“I guess,” said the other Pinkie, rubbing a foreleg with a pastern. “It just takes a little getting used to when people know I’m not you.”
“For the record, darling, I'd be happy to provide you with an ensemble or two if you plan on visiting us again,” said Rarity. “I've been thinking about taking the boutique interdimensional4 ever since Twilight told me about your little nudity taboo.”
4 Technically, it already was, but Infinite Carousel Incorporated had yet to contact this instance of Rarity.
“That’s all well and good,” said Twilight, “but Pinkie—”
“Yes?” the Pinkies synched.
Twilight sighed. “I really should've seen that coming. Human Pinkie. How did you end up in the…” She trailed off, cringing at the sight of what looked far too much like a friend's empty skin, fur, and feathers. “‘Fluttersuit’?”
The visiting Pinkie visibly relaxed as she focused on something else. “Well, it was a few days ago, when I was caught out by Fluttershy’s incredible detective skills…”
Fluttershy bit her lip. For all of her personal growth, this was still going to be one of the most dramatic public confrontations she'd ever initiated. Steeling herself, she lightly tapped Pinkie on the withers. “Um, Pinkie?”
“Hiya, Fluttershy!” cried Pinkie, her greeting echoing a few times in the nearly empty park.
Fluttershy flinched, but rallied herself. “Hi. Are you feeling alright?”
Pinkie's eyes widened as she took a step back. “Gasp! You’ve found me out!”
“... Did you actually say ‘gasp’ just then?”
“You determined that I’m actually Pinkie’s human counterpart, wandering the pony world in her place as she explores my own universe. How did you know? What gave me away?” Pinkie fell to her knees, forehooves clasped before her. “Tell me your secrets, oh wise one!”
Silence stretched out for a few moments. Fluttershy felt her wings fidget with nerves. “I was just going to ask why you weren’t pronking everywhere, but, uh, I guess that answers my question.”
“Oh. Heh.” Pinkie got back to her hooves, a strained smile on her muzzle as she tugged at a nonexistent collar. “Um, I don’t suppose you could forget all the other stuff I said?”
Fluttershy looked around. The park was still largely abandoned. The only other ponies in sight were Lyra and Bonbon, and they were busy sitting on a bench together. Fluttershy averted her eyes from the tender display and whispered, “Do you think you could stand in for me for a day while I explored the human world?”
“Hmm…” Pinkie stroked her chin. Or tried to. She ended up bringing a forehoof to her chin and ramming her lower jaw into the rest of her skull. “That works better with fingers. And it depends. Does pony-me have a creepily accurate skinsuit she can use to disguise herself as you?”
“She did once. I think she might still have it.” Fluttershy shuddered at the memory.
“Then sure!”
“How’d you know where to find the Fluttersuit?” said the local Pinkie.
The other waved her off. “That’s easy, silly. I just looked where I’d put it!”
“Oh yeah.” Pony Pinkie nodded at this faultless display of logic.
Twilight tuned out the both of them. “I still don’t understand why you did this, Fluttershy.”
“Yeah,” said Dash, “usually you’re the one other ponies wheedle stuff out of.”
“Rainbow Dash!” Rarity cried. “How incredibly rude!”
“Says the pony who tried to get darn near everypony in town to watch over your store,” said Applejack.
“Well it was an emergency,” said Rarity, choosing to focus on one of the foyer's lovely windows for completely unrelated reasons.
“As I said before,” Twilight said to Fluttershy, “you never showed any interest in the human world before. Why now?”
“Well...” Fluttershy kept her gaze at the floor, running a forehoof along it at random as she spoke. “To be honest, I was always interested. It’s a world filled with a species I’ve never met before, and an environment unlike anything in Equestria because of how little magic there is. I just never said anything because even after you got the portal working both ways, you only turned it on for emergencies.” She shrugged her wings. “But when I saw human Pinkie had come through, I thought we were opening it up more.”
“Oh. Uh...” Twilight did some fidgeting of her own. “Well, I guess we can. As long as we don’t use it too often, the worst that can happen would be some awkward questions if counterparts are seen with one another.” After a moment, she added. “And maybe Sunset Shimmer getting arrested. I'll have to make sure that royal pardon got filed.”
“Woo!” shouted one Pinkie
“Human-pony party!” the other added.
“Hold on, Pinkie... Uh...” Rainbow Dash looked back and forth between the two, wing-shrugged, and said, “Hold on, Pinkies. What about all those super-judgmental shop pony characters?”
“Oh, that,” said human Pinkie. She raised a hoof. “Well, first I was pretending I was pony me.” Up went another hoof. “Then I was pretending I was pony me pretending I was Fluttershy.” Another. “Then I was pretending I was pony me pretending I was Fluttershy pretending I was a snooty fashionista, and then I was pretending I was pony me pretending I was Fluttershy pretending I was three ponies one after the other after the other, and I think I lost track of who was pretending to be what.” By that point, she had roughly seven hooves in the air shortly before collapsing to both the floor and her biological ground state.5
5 Nopony was particularly alarmed or even that surprised. They'd all seen worse from her equine counterpart.
“I admit, I am rather upset that no one asked me about this,“ Twilight huffed.
“Did I mention I made a lot of notes about humans to help supplement that article6 you wrote?” said Fluttershy. She reached into her saddlebags and pulled out several notebooks, identifying the contents of each in turn. “Behavior, evolution, comparative mentality, courtship—”
6 Sparkle, Twilight and Sunset Shimmer. “Humans: A Preliminary Study” Canterlot Journal of Xenocultural Studies 112.3 (1003): 5-22. Print.
Twilight snatched up the lot in her magic, her grin only slightly manic. “Under another hoof, I suppose there was no harm done.” She cleared her throat and offered Fluttershy a much calmer smile. “Just ask permission next time.”
Fluttershy nodded. “Okay.”
Human Pinkie snapped off a salute. “Sure thing!”
“Well, Pinkie…” Rarity cleared her throat when two ponies turned to her. “Er, human Pinkie. I must say, you did handle the shop quite well before you ‘went off the rails,’ as it were. Should you find yourself without prospects in your own world, I can see if I’ll have a position open.”
“Thanks, Rarity, but I think I’ll be juuuust fine.”
Juniper Montage made one last minute adjustment to the camera, nodded to herself, and turned to her star. “Okay, Pinkie. The idea behind this one is of a woman coming apart at the seams, all the different little bits that come together to make a person deciding they’re through cooperating, and now they want out. You’re going to need to play a dozen roles in a matter of minutes. No time for costume changes or anything. Think you can do it?”
Pinkie just grinned and adjusted the mustache she hadn't been wearing a moment earlier. “Juney, I was born for this role.”
Author's Note
Yes, the brain wave-detecting cat ears exist. Anypony who can build a peppermint pedalothopter should be able to retrofit them into a mood wing mechanism.
The Canterlot Journal of Xenocultural Studies was first mentioned in Exotic Goods.
Spike went off to help Starlight corral the roaming friendship students and was spared these shenanigans. Everypony (and human) agreed that he was the wisest of them all.
And remember, as a wise floating head once said:
