Chapters Hello, my name is Pony Joe, or as my friend calls me, Donut Joe or Joey. Before you ask, yes I make donuts for a living. I own and work at Donut Go, a donut shop in Canterlot. I've been working there for many years after my father, Puppy Joe, the owner of a puppy shop if you can believe it, died. Also, you may have noticed how I said "friend" (singular) rather than "friends" (plural). That's because, though I meet plenty of ponies, only one do I really consider in the position of friend, and he's not even a pony. His name is Spike, and he's a purple dragon. This may sound a bit strange so let's go back a bit...
"I am proud to announce sir that you are the proud father of a colt."
No, no. not this far back. About...um two years after I bought Donut Go...
The sun was shining today, not too much, not too little. Perfect donut weather. My food was stocked for the day, the tables had recently been cleaned, all my debts on the place had been paid for. I was all set for a day of peaceful donut selling. No worries except the customers would plague my mind today.
The bell rang. I smiled as Twilight Velvet walked in with Twilight, one of my regulars. This time however, she had something with her on her back. Something purple? Green? Whatever it was, I didn't have good view of it yet so I pretended not to notice.
"Hello miss Velvet. The usual?"
With a smile Miss Velvet replied, "Yes, Joe, and a few extra glazed please." I turned my attention back to Twilight as I got a few baggies with my magic.
"I hear you've been trying to get into that talented Unicorns school Twi. How's that been going for ya?"
"I'm Princess Celestias student!" Of all the things I expect her to say, that was not one of them. She had been smiling when she walked in so I knew it was good news. But that good? Nah. I turned my head to Miss Velvet, and she nodded.
"Well I'll be dam..." I coughed, "...darned. That's great Twi! Might I ask how this happened?"
Twilight gave me a short synopsis of what happened that day as she and her mother sat at one of the tables. I sat with them as the day hadn't really begun yet.
"...then I heard a thundering sound from outside that startled me. I don't really remember what happened after that but apparently I turned my parents into plants and the egg hatched and grew into a full grown dragon." It never ceases to amaze the vocabulary this filly has, "What remember was Princess Celestia appearing and putting a hoof on my shoulder. Everything returned to normal after that. The big dragon turned into a baby one. See?" she pointed to the baby dragon sitting on the table. He merely continued chewing on his tale. Simple guy, I liked him already. I asked Twilight if she'd given him a name yet.
"Well...no. Not yet. I was thinking something like Ubi Vermis Liber . What do you think." I chuckled. Only Twilight.
"Well, I think he'd like something more simple. Something like Will, Bob, Nat. Mind you, I'm the type to prefer one syllable names." I thought for a second more rubbing my chin. I caught site of the green fin like spikes on his back and grinned, "How about Spike?"
"Spike?" Twilight asked me. She looked at the little dragon for a moment and smiled, "Yes! YES! That's perfect." she picked him up in her magic, "My little Spike." The newly named Spike simple giggled at Twilight and held his claws out. Getting the message, Twilight hugged him. It was probably one of the most adorable things I've ever seen. I was distracted by the bell ringing for my shop.
I stood up and bowed my head slightly, "Duty calls. Miss Velvet, Twilight." I turned around and smiled happily, "Miss Weather Keeper, how nice of you to stop by..."
Chapter 2: Mister Starstruck
I washed the chocolate milk out of a glass with my hooves while saying goodbye to my latest customer. I've always been the type to used my hooves as much as my magic. I personally feel that a balance is necessary. Use your hooves for Celestias sake, and I mean that literally.
DING
I turned my head slightly to see who had entered. It was way past noon so having customers this later wasn't uncommon but I expect most ponies around here between six and nine in the morning. It was a blue coated unicorn with a bright golden mane braided. His cutie mark looked a bit like an exploding star. Why do unicorns have so many magic related cutie marks? Look at me. I've got a donut and I'm a unicorn who has a fairly good knowledge in magical arts and crafts.
The pony sat at the booth and rested his head the counter with a groan. I desided to break the ice. better sooner than later in my book.
"What's got ya down bud? Job?" the pony arched his neck and looked at me from his slouched position. His eyes were bloodshot with bags under them ready to pop.
"Wife." he said in a dead voice.
"Heh. I know that voice. My father used to make it whenever my Mom had him clean the toilets. That's the voice of a stallion who just realized his wife's in charge." The unicorns mouth slowly morphed from a scowl to a rather neutral expression. He's glanced at me as I put the glass I was cleaning into the washed back at the kitchen. I began cleaning the counter slowly and said, "The husband may wear the pants of the family, but the wife where's the shoes." This pulled a chuckle from the stallion. He lifted his head from the counter, allowing me to clean there.
"Starstruck. Sir Starstruck. Yes, the 'Sir' is part of my name."
"I understand Sir." We both chuckled a bit, "Pony Joe's the name. Call me Joe." We spent some time talking about our lives. He was a scribe for Celestias court. His job was basically to take what was said and embellish it into a poem or prose. A simple sentence like, "have a nice day" he would depict as "may your days be sunny and warm as the heart that beats in your chest".
The next day while I was getting ready for another day of selling donuts I found a letter from him. Opening it read:
An unappreciative stallion finds himself in a cage. The cage built by his love. He pushes away from her in search of happiness, That he cannot find.
One day a cloud rests over his head and rains down on him, Washing his eyes. He realizes his cage is self-built And finds love once more.
Sir Starstruck.
I smiled and placed the letter in my apron pocket. I decide that might frame it.
Chapter 4: B1rds + the B-33s
Today began like any other day. The sun shone, there was gentle breeze when I was outside, and ponies were just flat out cheery to one another. It was like one of those days you feel like everything would be wonderful. It was one of the days you'd look up in the sky and see a meteor and say with a smile, "Huh. Would ya look at that. I didn't know a meteor was supposed to strike on this date. Ha, oh well. I guess ya learn new stuff every day."
I felt like that while finishing up for the day too. I had about an hour before closing so I decided to check the foodstuffs to make sure I'd stocked up. Don't wanna be low on inventory when the world ends or anything. Then I heard the bell to the front door.
"Be there in a minute!" I yelled, making sure they heard why I checked the pantry. Satisfied with the stock I returned and found a very curious sight. Thirteen year old Twilight Sparkle was sitting at one of the tables, eyes staring off into who knows where. I came around the corner and asked, "Hey Twilight. What brings you around at this time of day? You've always been a morning pony."
Twilight looked at me with...those eyes. It was weird, looking into those eyes. I'd seen them before but I couldn't quite remember what they were for. I could see fear, but more of fear from realization. She must have just found out something dreadful. Her mouth hung open slightly so definitely shock. It took her a minute but she finally did say something.
"I...I have se...seen the end." Twilight began sweating. I sat down across from her and listened, "I was in my room when I heard it. It was...squeaking. It was a squeaking sound. I got out of bed and heard more. Slap. Slap. Slap. It kep happening. It sounded sort of li...like a wet wash cloth...slapping!" I used my magic to levitate a glass of milk from the fridge. Poor filly needed it, "The sound was from downstairs. I trotted as fast as possible until...I...Hea...heard the moaning. It came from my parents bedroom. I opened the door and--"
"Okay stop!" I put my hooves up hoping that it might protect me from the knowledge that had already snuck it's way into my brain in attempt to throw up inside my mind.
"Bu...but...my parents! They were--"
I closed her mouth with my magic, "Okay stop right there. Speak no further, please. I am not the pony you want to tell this to. Were you seen?" Twilight shook her head. I sighed, "Alright then. I'm going to give you something. Actually...make that two things. Two books I want you to read and in a certain order."
"What are they?"
I smiled, "The Miracle of Foals from Start to Finish and Laws of Romance: A-Z . My dad gave 'em to me."
I never got those books back.
Chapter 5: Would You Like Some Tia?
Business was booming. Well, maybe not booming, but at the very least it was a firecracker. I've never been the type to waste money, so saving up had never been problem. If I actually checked I'd probably be a millionaire right now. Why am I talking to myself about this? It's not going to change the facts, or alter the reality of what's happening. It will only delay the inevitable. Has time stopped for my little bit of inner monologue?
"Hello Pony Joe. I've heard so much about you."
"Why thank you Princess. Good things I hope." yes, Princess Celestia, Ruler of Equestria, Banisher of Mooning Sisters, Greatest Celestial Being of all, was in my humble little shop. Maybe moving isn't such a bad idea. What am I saying? I don't wanna move! I'm freaking out!!
"I want to thank you for not freaking out like other ponies. It tends to turn me off on going outside these days."
"Sure thing. We are adults after all." Yeah sure. Let's compare the twenty-one year old stallion to an immortal being. Good job brain. Your doing great.
I'm the body, your brain. Why are you making me do these things.
Oh crud. I've broken myself.
"I'll take a cake donut please."
Don't say it!
"What kind?"
Oh no.
"Excuse me?"
I straightened my back, "Well, do you want plain or glazed?"
"I thought a plain cake donut was just called a cake donut. Am I wrong?"
Yes.
No.
"Yes."
WHY!?
"A cake donut is a category but you have to specify whether it's a plain or a glazed. Many ponies mistake the glazed cake donuts for original. This is however untrue. Donuts are a delicate instrument of flavor and surprise and cake donuts are no exception. they are in a category all their own as they do need frosting or glaze to enhance their tastefulness but can still be complimented. The old-fashioned doughnut is a type of cake doughnut, and has been described as a "subset" of the cake doughnut.It is unclear when the old-fashioned doughnut itself was invented, but this very likely occurred after the cake doughnut was invented. But to say to that the glazed cake donut and the old fashioned are the same isn't correct."
...
"..."
...
I didn't know that I knew that.
How can we not know what we knew? You are literally the holder of all donut related information.
I am part of the conscious part. My subconscious doesn't like to intervene when we're awake. Oh no. Sun Goddess is looking at strangely. She's probably plotting a way to destroy us for disagreeing with her. Well it's been nice knowing you body...well actually no it wasn't it. Anyway, I'm glad that we could exist. All those times we've had. even the one where you dropped an order on Fancy Pants. I'm so glad he was understanding. I'll see you la...
"You know what? I like you. You're willing to tell me your thoughts without holding back out of fear for repercussions. I'm definitely going to frequent this place more often."
Wait, what?
"Thank you, your highness. Now, what kind of donuts would you like?"
Hold on!
"I'll take a plain cake donut please."
WHAT HAPPENED?!
"Right away your majesty."
I don't get it. What happened? How did I handle that so well?
You didn't.
...what?
I'm sorry to break this to you but you are not the conscious part of the brain.
Waitwaitwait...
You are actually the subconscious. I've been talking to the conscious part of the brain separately, we just thought it be funny to mess you. Bye.
Wait...no...NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Author's Note
Well that was fun.
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Chapter 6: This Definitely NOT a Chapter With Discord
I strolled out from behind my counter for the day. I was tired and wanted to go home. After Celestias Sunny Behind walked into shop I'd been flooded with ponies wanting to know anything between her favorite flavors or if I kept the crumbs she dropped. What a ridiculous idea, of course I didn't keep the crumbs. Pfft, her plate on the other hoof...
Anyway, as I opened the door to my shop and closed it behind I noticed something peculiar: I was still inside. I turned around and saw the door I just walked through closed. Through the window I saw the outdoors calling out to me. I opened the door again, but when I did, it opened to my shop again. I looked back and forth from inside to "outside". Then a voice emitted from every direction.
"Hello good sir. I am in need of your assistance." I turned around back into...one of the copies of my shop I was in and saw hideous creature. It's body was a mishmash of different beings. It towered over me menacingly until the shadow over it's eyes disappeared and it smiled. I looked at him suspiciously and studied his eyes more closely. From what I could tell, he wasn't lying, I don't know if he's evil or not. He looks like a villain but looks can be deceiving.
"Um...we're closed."
After a second he started laughing, hysterically even. I didn't know what was so funny so I decided to simply watch him. When he could finally stand up, he wiped a tear from his eye and said, "This what I like about you. A creature of complete chaos is standing right before you and your only reaction is to state the obvious. Ha! Took the author long enough to actually gain some skill writing." He sits down just above a chair and pulls out a pair of glasses and a notebook, "Anyway, nice to meet you. I am Discord Damian Diego, Lord of Chaos, Enslaver of Ponykind, and Rightful Ruler of Rulers that don't have Rules." He opens a manila folder and reads from it, "From your rep sheet I can tell you have had a busy time here. Helping out a married Stallion with his relationship issues, teaching Twilight about Avions and Bugs, Giving Donuts to Princesses, Befriending a Dragon...oh wait that last one hasn't happened yet." Slamming the book shut, all his new attire and items disappeared, "Don't worry, that's next chapter. Dang, this is a long paragraph."
I shook my head slightly and worked my way behind the counter, "Well since it's obvious you're not letting me out I might as well prepare you something. You like glazed? Doesn't matter, it's we've got. I have a shipment coming in tomorrow."
Discord looked at confused slightly, "Um...tha...that's fine."
I pulled out the donuts and grabbed a couple cups of coffee. Bringing them over to the table he sat at I sat down and put the beverages along with the food down. I lazily dipped my donut into the caffeinated drink took a bite. This isn't so bad, having a donut with somepo...uh thing, even if said thing had his coffee swirl around his head before picking up his donut and feeding it to him. We stayed this way for some time while the sun set until he spoke up.
"Aren't you curious about who I am or where I'm from?"
I gulped down the last bite of my donut and replied, "You've already told me who you are, and due to your um...appearances, I have no reason to believe you're lying. As to where your from, I am curious but I learned long ago that asking questions doesn't always get you answers."
Discord sat silent for moment while I started to notice his body was becoming see through, "Hmm, well then. I guess ponykind might survive after all. Just be sure to stay the way you are and you'll be fine." finally his body disappeared completely. When it did, the shop doors opened suddenly. I turned around and saw Celestia standing there, sweat painting her face. I didn't know alicorns could sweat.
"Discord!" She yelled while looking around frantically, "Discord!? Di...discord?" she became quiet as she saw nopony in the shop but me. She looked at me and then smiled. It took me a moment to realize that she was looking behind me. Turning I saw a photo of Discord laughing hysterically while I looked on blankly. On the frame, words were engraved. They read:
I'll be back for this photo.
Author's Note
I wanted one more chapter before the Spike and Joe saga really begins.
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Chapter 8: Spike (A Simple Title is Every Title)
I turned the sign to open like any other day. I cleaned off the counter like any other day. I checked the stock of food like any other day. Today was not any other day, I know it as the best day of my life. That was the morning I met my best friend: Spike. Now before you start asking questions, let me clarify, me and Spike were friends from the beginning. Since the day we met we were friends. When he learned to talk, that only sweetened the deal. He stopped coming after that day. Miss Velvet, Nightlight, and Twilight stopped bringing him. They...forgot about me I guess.
Spike never did.
"So then Twilight bursts through the front door shouting 'I'm hot! I'm hot! I'm burning hot!'." Spike said while laughing, "It was the funniest thing."
"I can only imagine." I replied, laughing with him. He sat at the booth in what he called his "Cool Seat". We'd been talking for at least an hour as I would have to leave the conversation to help customers.
"Ya know, we had a fight in here yesterday."
Spike's eyes widened slightly, "Whoa. Really?"
I nodded and began cleaning the counter, "That's right. To make matters worse it was two mares."
"Oh sweet Celestia." Spike groaned and I chuckled, "I can only imagine how bad that must have been."
I told the story, "It was pretty funny actually. One mare walked in asking for the Pink Powdered Power, a little raised donut with pink frosting, pink sprinkles, and pink food coloring in the batter. Don't ask. When she said this I told her that the last one we had was about to be served to another pony to whom I pointed towards. This mare then tries to flutter her eyelids at me and compliment my 'good strong stature' as she put it. The pink mare came over right about then asking where her donut was, in a very cheery way I might add. As I told her it would be ready in a second, the flirty mare shoves her hooves in the pink mares face accusing her of moving the plot too fast. Then the two start fighting."
Spike chortled, "Huh. I guess all mares really are crazy."
"I can attest to that." I continued cleaning up the counter and fell into thought. Why was Spike the only one out of these ponies I liked. he felt like the only decent creature I'd met so far. Well, him and that...whatever it was from a few weeks ago. My mind wondered to what I was told of him afterwards by Celestia.
"You wouldn't believe the day I had Joey mi'lad. Haha, no sir." Celestia sat at Pony Joe's counter, a donut in one hoof and a beer in the other, "Paperwork, paperwork, PAPERWORK!! I can't catch a break!"
Pony Joe sat in silence across from her being wary of the casket of beers floating above their heads in a magical golden glow.
"Well what happened?" he asked, not sure why he decided to question this.
With one chug, Celestia finished a bottle pulled a new one, "So there I was yesterday right? Happy as I could be when BOOM, it's starts raining!"
"That doesn't sound terrible."
"INDOORS with PINK CLOUDS!"
"Oh." Joe sighed, "Go on."
Celestia chugged another bottle and continued, "Well I know this is Discords work. He used to..." The Princess of the Sun begins sobbing, "...he used to sniff make cotton candy snacks for me. Re had the be...best...recipe." suddenly she was raging again, "But how?! How could he get past my statue powe...po..powers...powersness. Yeah! Powersness."
"Well? How did he?" Pony Joe asked in curiosity. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but he was no feline.
"Deities! Can you believe!? Some deities dropped in for a visit and made a DEAL with him! They said JOE!"
"What?" Pony Joe asked confused.
"JOE! JOEY! JOE...!"
"...Joe! Hello, are you there?!" I looked up and saw Spike waving a claw in my face.
"What happened?"
"You blanked out there for a second. You alright?" I nodded my head and continue cleaning the counter getting different spots that had reappeared.
Then Spike asked, "Hey Joey?"
"yes?"
"How do you do that?" I tilted my head and asked what he was referring to which he elaborated, "I talking about the constant use of your magic, it's been bothering me for years. While you're out here serving customers, you're cooking in the backroom at the same time. From what Twilight's told me, that some pretty sophisticated magic usage."
I turned around, looking into the kitchen. He was right, I was cooking another batch in there. I tuned back to him and replied, "I honestly don't know. I am aware that I am doing it and I know how to control it, but I don't know how I'm able to do it. I'm not that good at using my magic."
"Yet here you are, having a full-on conversation with me, while at the same time cleaning the counter, while at the same time cooking a batch of..." he sniffed the air, "Glazed Cake Donuts Supreme."
I didn't really have an explanation for it, and I told him that. I've never been that good in general with magic. I can levitate as good as any unicorn, but because I like to use my hooves, I rarely ever use special spells. I tell Spike this as well.
He smiles, "Well, you try to figure that out. If I can teach Twilight how to do that, maybe she won't ignore ponies when she's reading. I actually better get going, she doesn't know I even left."
Spiked jumped off his seat, "See ya Joey." He waved goodbye and exited the shop. I stood there for a few minutes in thought. Spike was different from everypony that came here, besides the scales and tale of course. he had a completely different personality than most ponies. He was similar to Celestia in many ways.
Author's Note
I don't know whether or not this counts as a cliffhanger since we don't technically know how he escaped the statue and then somehow appeared back in it.
Oops. Did I say that out loud?
Chapter 9: Reunion Ɨn Øɍđɇɍ
Wow. Just wow. Today has been the craziest it's ever been. I don't know how it happened but it did. The cosmos of universe must be feeling awfully cheery because...it's been amazing.
After 14 years, we finally have our family reunion, and on Donut Go's Tenth Anniversary no less. All my relatives were there, from Joyful Uncle Albert to Kind Grandma Christine. My cousins even came, including Honest Abe and Generous Gabriel. The most surprising bit is that my Friendly Brother Jacob came as well. This ponies always seem to be in the same place.
"Well if it isn't the Donut Joe. Here to show us up with your cooking again colt?" I've never liked it when Abe called me colt but then again I know he's messing with me, so I brush it off. Heh, like the chill pony I am.
"Your honesty knows no bounds Abe. Hey, by the way, how're my nephews? I don't see them here today." it was true. They weren't here and I usually played around with the kids. Might have a few of my own some day.
Somewhere deep in America, a Religious human types away. Next to him stands A man: ＯＲＤＥＲ.
"What kind of stupid plot line is that?!" ＯＲＤＥＲ yells, "You just skipped from his conversation with the Abe pony to him wondering about having children! I get that his thoughts are wandering and you're trying to make the audience curious about the idea of Joe's kids, but come on man! Think for once in your life."
"Alright fine! You write it then!"
"Fine! I will! Hand over the electronic device."
I am thinking about conversation. Conversation is about Honest Abe's children.
Honest Abe: "Yeah, sorry about the kids. They couldn't make it."
Doughnut Joe: "I understand your sentence which is formulated into an explanation. I accept the apology you have given."
Honest Abe raises an eyebrow at Joeys way of talking.
Honest Abe: "Are you okay? You're sounding a bit...weird."
Doughnut Joe: "I am fine. How are yo2i8h3f0i2ponh08g4"
"You didn't have to hit me with the keyboard you jerk."
"Shut up ＯＲＤＥＲ! I'm not letting you turn this into one of your plays!"
"Pfft. Whatever."
What just happened? I feel like my mind has been played with. Maybe I just achieved Nirvana. Lifting my eyes I saw Abe standing in front of me worried.
"You alright bud? You look like you've gotta headache. I know you like the kids it's not like their absence is gonna kill ya." he chuckled, and I chuckled with him. I don't know what just happened, but there's no reason for me to let it ruin the mood.
"Nah, I'm fine. I'm gonna go get some punch. Wanna come?"
Abe smiled and waved a hoof dismissiviely, "Nah, you go ahead. I need to talk to Gabriel."
We parted ways for our destinations. As I arrived at the refreshments table I sighed in gratification. I'm really lucky to have a family that supports me so much. Without them I probably would be on own. No one cared that I didn't want to become some big time famous whatever. Instead they were there to root me on in my life of baking doughnuts. As I glanced around at the numerous family members, Robert, James, Maria, I noticed that one of my good friends wasn't here. He must not have gotten the invite in time. Oh we--
The bell rang, I glanced over as did the rest of my family, and to my enjoyment and happiness, there stood Spike the Dragon. He wore nothing, as per usual, but I could tell he at least polished his scales. There was a slight shine to him that reflected the light from outside. He stood still seeing as every eye in the building was on him. I set my drink down and walked over to his side.
"Spike! It's great to see you again. Glad you came bud." I put a hoof over his shoulder and I looked to the rest of my family. "Hey everypony!" I bellowed, "This here is my friend Spike! Make him feel at home!" As I suspected, everypony smiled and greeted him with jumbled up 'hellos' and 'waddups'. Spike breathed a sigh of relief as most of the attention left him and we walked over to meet with a few members of the family. Spike being Spike, he usually only said 'Yo' to most of those he met. I sometimes wonder if he practices saying that word. After nearly everypony said their hellos we stood by the counter where the least amount of commotion went on.
"So Joe here tells me you're like the pet of Princess Twilight or something. That true?"
"I said assistant not pet. Sorry Spike. This Jacob, my brother. He gets a bit too friendly sometimes."
Spike chuckled, "Nah, it's alright. If embarrassing questions really embarrassed me I probably wouldn't be able to spend all the time I do with Twilight when she goes on and on about her 'amazing' Pony Biology books."
Jacob and I laughed, "Well Joe I think he might as well be an honorary member of the family if says the word 'nah' like that."
I picked up a knife and held over Spikes head, "Spike I hereby declare and knight thee, a Member of the Common Family." Chuckles went around for bit. Suddenly Spike had a curious look his face.
"Wait, so...your last name is Common?"
I picked a washrag and started cleaning, "Yep, pretty much. None of us ever use the name other than as a title, but it is technically our last name."
"Huh. Well I guess ya never know someone till you know someone."
Jacob glanced over towards the drake, "What's that supposed to mean."
Spike smiles and grabs a nearby glazed, "It means we don't know each other and won't until we do."
"Huh?"
Spike and I laughed. "Inside joke."
It was nice being here, family around me. Oh yes, I consider Spike family. He's almost magical. That reminded me of something.
"Hey Spike, remember the incident with the foal?"
Author's Note
I had some fun with this story if you can tell.
Chapter 10: See You Later
The bell rang and I prepared for another crying stallion to come rolling in from the bar next door. I may actually petition Celestia to have that bar evicted. I hear enough sob stories from stallions who found their mares in the wrong bed, now I gotta deal with occasional guards who don't think they're getting enough pay.
"Hey Joey! How's it hangen'?" Thank the Princesses.
"Spike! Buddy. I'm so glad it's you and not another one of those idiots from next door." I hear a couple of annoyed grunts from one of the tables. "Oh you guys know it's true." After a few seconds they returned to their food, trying to hide their chuckles, failing in doing so.
Spike sat at his usually place and we started talking, "Well, it looks like I won't be able to come here as often anymore."
I raised an eyebrow, "Oh really? Why not may I ask? Having a Spike the Dragon Ate here so you oughtta as well sign has been great for revenue."
"Well, it turns out Celestia's finally doing something about Twilight's anti social problem. I swear for a ruler that lived thousands of years, I would think she'd see Twilight absorption into books a lot sooner. Even I'm learning some of the stuff she reads."
I put a hoof to my forehead in mock surprise, "Oh good heavens! You're learning stuff? What a travesty."
"Hey, it's not funny." Despite his statement, Spike laughed as well, "I now know the difference between a chemical reaction and physical reaction. When, in my life, am I going to need to know that?"
"Well, you may Twilight's assistant--"
"Number One Assistant."
"Who's number two?"
"Uh...good point. Carry on."
"Anyway, even though you work with Twilight, you are a dragon. Dragons age much slower from what I know. By the time you are physically in your teens...well. Look what I'm saying is that someday you are going to be on your own one day, and for all you know you might take a a serious interest into chemistry."
Spike shrugged as I gave him one of his favorites doughnuts, the Bejeweled. "I guess so. Just seem unnecessary. Oh, I just remembered, I wanted to give you this." He reached below the table and pulled a scroll from...uh...I honestly don't know. He put it on the counter as I picked it up with my magic. Temporary scroll, when the spell on the scroll was cast it would disintegrate. A one time spell.
"What is it?"
"It's a connect with my fire breath. I haven't learned how to direct my messaging system yet so I have to concentrate on ponies with this specific spell activated. Cast it once and I can contact you anywhere."
I smiled a bit. Nice of him to think of me. I guessed it wasn't everyday that somepony is given a spell to contact a dragon. "I'll do that. Where ya headed?"
"Some little village called Ponyville. It's not too far, but it's a trip. Honestly, I'm going to be a little bit glad that we're moving to a more rural area. That is where most gems are dug up after all. Plus, the ponies are usually much friendlier then the ones here, sides from you of course."
Ponyville, I know that name. "Hey, I have a second cousin who lives in Ponyville. Doctor Hooves or something like that. You should look him up, tell me how's he's doing. He's probably one of the only members of the family with a normal name."
We talked a bit more about what Spike planned to do once he got there. I learned some things about Nightmare Moon, and then he left. I was likely not going to see him again for some time now. I would miss him.
Author's Note
This is kind of a filler chapter. Just wanted to throw this one out there. Next chapter will be a letter from Spike. What do you think he'll say?
Dear Spike
I don't know if you're even going to get this but uh...hello! How are you? What have you been up to? Why haven't you visited (and bought more doughnuts)?
If you haven't heard, I've decided to expand the store a bit. I don't mean the building though. Yes, I'm thinking about creating a branch of doughnut stores. Not sure how I'm going to do that though. I might need to ask my second cousin Howard for help. He's always been better at the whole business part of this.
I know this letter is a bit short, but understand that I still don't know if I'm going to do this spell right. For all I know I burn it to a crisp, much like that Infernos Bane Doughnut I tried to make.
Your Friend
P.S. do you know anything about that night that lasted like hours? I'm not complaining! It gave me free time, even if it did throw my internal clock of schedule a bit.
Dear Joe
Hey! I got the letter. You did well. To answer your question, I'm doing pretty well. Twilight literally lives in a library. No joke. I don't know what to do with her now. Haha. Sorry for not visiting. Turns out some pretty amazing stuff has happened. Twilight actually made friends. Can you believe that?! Five of them in fact, and it turns out that all six of 'em are like the Elements of Harmony or some junk.
The whole thing with the long night is related though. Nightmare Night came back just like Twilight said she would. They used those Element things to make her go back to normal.
Anyways, enough about me. I'm glad you're looking into expanding. If you do that you could hire ponies. Then we can really spend time together. You could come to ponyville and visit us too. We could have like our own visitors union or something.
Well I wish luck at your store. Don't work too hard.
Your Friend
Dear Spike
Glad to know the spells working.
What are Twilight's friends like? Are they good friends? I can come down and bash a few skulls in if need be. Heh heh. Then again I'm sure you'd do something first. Burn 'em to a crisp. Okay that sounded bad. Don't light the town on fire.
By the way, things have been great, a friend may have gotten a hold of a ticket to the upcoming Grand Galloping Gala. I asked him if he could mention me and he said he would. Offered me the ticket but I declined. My place is behind a counter.
Your Friend
Dear Joey
Twilight's friends are pretty good as far as friends go. Honestly, having any friends at all is pretty great for her.
There's Applejack, an apple bucker for Sweet Apple Acres, and Element of Honesty.
...I'm gonna have to stop making lists for Twilight. Now I'm doing it in letters. By the way, they had a huge fight over two tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala. Turns out, Twilight could've just asked for more tickets. Oh, and I'll be coming too. Make sure to save my 'Cool Seat'.
Your Friend
Dear Spike
Mares.
Your Friend
"Honestly, a little change would have done." That voice. I knew that voice. I looked up from a magazine and saw a combination of species sown together. Discord was back.
"Discord. Good to see you." said being was currently dangling from a chair on the ceiling. "You haven't been to my store since...uh..."
"Since I made a deal with celestia™l beings, to get a day out of statue prison?"
"Um...yeah, that." With a thought, my magic began working on something he'd like. While it did I decided to ask, "So, you gonna be a regular? I've already got two princesses and dragon coming by. I'll have to expand the store if I'm expecting others like you."
Discord laughed, "Expand it you say? Well, I'm flattered." Using a bendy straw that circled around his eyes, Discord began drinking Something Out of Somewhere. "Emphasis on the 'Out' good sir."
"What?"
"Nothing." Choosing to ignore the strange comment we continued talking, mostly about what I planned on doing to the store.
"...and if I do that I can add at least four more tables. What do you think?"
"I think you should put the tables on the ceiling."
"Okay, then, that's not helping."
"Hey, you asked for my opinion. What did you think I was going to say?" With a snap of his talon a monocle and tuxedo suddenly appeared on him. "Ah yes good sir, I do believe an exquisite transition from bluish green to greenish blue will change the outlook of your store astoundingly. The walls should be pushed out too if I might add."
I stared at him for a bit before bursting out laughing. Lord of Chaos or not, he's funny...sometimes. Then the bell rang.
"Welcome, and please Donut Go before sampling the new super head spri-"
"I'll pass. I was hoping you can give me a hug instead." another voice I recognized all too well.
"Spike! Buddy. Where have you been?" I wrapped him in a large hug and thought up something else to fix alongside...whatever I'd thought of for Discord.
Discord rolled his eyes, "Keeping Twilight out of trouble I would presume."
"You betcha...wait...what's he doing here?" Spike pointed to the being of chaos who had decided that drinking was best done without a cup.
"He's a regular." I said, to which I could see Discord smile. Spike shrugged and sat down in his chair.
"Well, anywho, I have a plethora of stories to tell you about Twilight." As a batch of sugar came out of the oven (yes, I just baked sugar for Discord, sue me), I listened to my good friend go on about his bookworm mother.
Ah, just like the good ol' days.
Author's Note
I fianlly came out with another chapter. Sorry for the hiatus.
Chapter 3: doesn't have a name
"...So I tell him 'I've got more donuts than you can shake a stick at.' HAHAHA!" I laughed heartily at my own story. Most ponies I told this to would likely laugh with me or at least chuckle. Instead I was met with the oblivious face of a baby dragon. Whee. I was watching Spike for the time being due to Nightlight taking his wife and daughter to Prance for her tenth birthday.
Spike wasn't that much trouble. All he really did was sit around. He could walk but that was about it. I was actually surprised to find he can understand what we're saying. Why doesn't he laugh at my jokes? Well, heh, let's just say my jokes are bit too...um...old? I guess. He listens though. It's fun.
"So Spike, you're gonna be living with me for a few days. You cool with that bud?" I wasn't met with a response. Turning my head I got ready to close up shop, "Alrighty then, I guess that settles tha..."
"If your cool, I'm cool man." I froze. He talked. The dragon talked. Dragons can't talk. Can they? I guess so.
"I'm so...sorry. What?"
Spike sighed sounding somewhat annoyed and crossed his arms, "I've been making sure your cool. You seem cool so I'm cool with you."
I walked passed him and turned the sign to 'closed' and asked, "Okay, hold on. How long have you been able to talk?"
The purple dragon shrugged, "Dunno. This is the first time I've tried."
I picked him and set on my back, "So let me get this straight: you were born by freak accident from a filly who may have more power than the Princess, you're now raised by the her as she has become the student of said Princess, you are a sapient being and haven't realized you can talk until just now? Am I missing anything, or would you like to elaborate on that?"
I felt Spike shrug and he said, "I learned that 'cool' is now my favorite word, thing, and state of being."
I thought about this for a moment. He's a dragon first and foremost, he probably is the biggest freak of nature in Canterlot. He's also super privileged and might as well be related to royalty. When he grows up he may or may not end up as like some sort of defender of ponies or something and he's reacting to this with a shrug.
"Huh." I say, "cool."
Author's Note
A regularly updated story? Tis a miracle!
Chapter 12: Sprinkles Save Souls
“So then, it turns out that Twi, for reasons unknown, listens to Rainbow and decides not to ask the mares name, in turn delaying their meeting with the real Harshehinney.”
Discord was rolling on the ground in laughter as I pounded my hoof on the table, trying to get my own laughter under control.
“Fast forward a bit, guess what? Miss Harshwhinney ends actually meeting the pony who they think is Harshwhinney. The whole thing was ridiculous!”
I wiped a tear from my eye and looked at Spike, “Right, because you most certainly don’t stuff like that, such as try to take on everypony’s pets without help.”
He chuckled, “Touché.” Discords head popped out of one of the coffee cups wearing a hat that read ‘hat of 4th wall breaking’
“Ya know, now that you bring it up, I do believe I was in the credits for those six’s little charade.” He rubbed his chin in thought for a moment, “Then again, it could’ve been de Lancie. Oh well. Let me tell you two about how taught a friendship lesson to twilight through my past evil self on accidental purposefullness.”
I don’t know why I felt like universal laws of reality had just been broken but I did... and that’s all I have to say on the matter.
Author's Note
We’re you honestly thinking that I’d leave this story high and dry?
