Chapters Interview With a Princess
I honestly never expected it to work. That would have been ridiculous, crazy. For me to believe that something so… fantastic, so magical could actually happen would have required such a skewed perception of reality that I would have had to have been clinically insane.
Still… there was a hope, a yearning in my soul that I couldn’t deny. And that is, perhaps, why things turned out the way they did. Because, while an expectation can often lead to disappointment… maybe, just maybe , a wish can come true.
Interview With a Princess
A Strange Way to Spend the Day
I leaned back in my chair with a sigh, throwing down my pen on my latest failed attempt while I massaged the ache out of my wrist. I recalled when I was younger and still a student, my penmanship was more than passable. While I never really attempted any fancy calligraphy, I would still shape my letters in an aesthetically pleasing, and more importantly, legible , fashion. This indecipherable mess in front of me bore more resemblance to my bumbling preschool scrawling than it did to my more elegant high school era script.
I knew what the problem was, of course. For the last decade or more, I’ve done most of my writing on a keyboard, rather than with pen and paper. My penmanship is atrocious now. My spelling, thanks to years of spell-check dependency, is very nearly as bad. Not for the first time, I considered simply giving in and writing the entire thing on my laptop and printing it off. After all, it’s just words on paper when you get right down to it. Still, though, something in the back of my mind insisted that, in order for this to be “authentic”, I had to write using paper and pen. And not just any pen, but my grandfather's old-fashioned fountain pen, the type that nearly nobody uses anymore.
With a sigh, I pulled a fresh sheet in front of me. Like all the others that came before, this one started with the same familiar introductory line:
“Dear Princess Celestia.”
It was over an hour later when I finally finished. That blasted fountain pen had ruined, with huge blotches of uncontrolled ink, nearly as many copies as my atrocious handwriting and spelling had. However, I eventually learned how to control the flow, and I finally completed one copy that I was extremely pleased with, as well as several that were good, but not quite perfect. It was time to finish up this nonsense, or so I told myself at the time. I was carefully ignoring that spark of hope that I was secretly nurturing. Something in me just wouldn’t let me fully acknowledge that I hoped that this would actually work.
When I walked outside, behind my house, I noticed that the sun was already setting. Appropriate enough, I thought. I had already set up the fire pit, a portable steel one that my wife had insisted we buy in order to make our backyard more hospitable on these chill autumn nights. Yes, I am a Brony with a wife. I'm not sure if that's unusual or not, I don't think there's ever been a Brony census. In any case, my wife is mildly bemused but tentatively accepting of my interest in the show. Still, it was good that she was currently out of town visiting relatives. As accepting as she was of my, for lack of a better word, “hobby” (though “obsession” might be more apt), she would probably not be at all amused by my writing letters to fictional pony princesses.
I lit the fire pit, relaxing in a lawn chair and drinking a soda as I watched the flames catch and grow. Once I decided that the flames were roaring about as vigorously as they ever would, I brought out the one perfect letter, tied with a silk ribbon. I was about to casually toss it into the flames when, instead, I decided that a bit more decorum was called for. This blasted letter had taken hours to write, after all, I might as well make a bit of a production out of this instead of just burning it.
Standing, I carefully dipped one end of the rolled-up letter into the flames. I couldn’t help but imagine the princess while I was doing so, the multicolored mane, the regal presence, the gentle yet wise look in her eye. In my mind, and my likely overactive imagination, I imagined her as an immortal who had long ago become used to the pain of never having a constant companion, but also never lost her joy in the temporary ones she was able to connect with. A lonely immortal who still managed to love all of the brief sparks of life that surrounded her.
To her, they must be gone so fast. And yet, each one was so precious to her. It must break her heart over and over again to lose them, and still she kept on, still loving them, still caring, still allowing them close. I couldn’t even imagine the kind of heart a creature like that would have to have.
I admit that I’m often a melancholy type of guy. I tend to over-think things like this, such as imaginary alicorn princesses with more love than any creature should be able to hold. I admit, these thoughts moved me briefly to tears, as I held my painstakingly written notes in the flames.
Just before the flames reached my fingers, I dropped the rest of the note into the fire. The smoke rose from the fire pit, and I watched the flames dance for a while, as the sun sent out a few final rays of light in what was, admittedly, an incredibly glorious sunset. I don’t know how long I stared into the fire, but it was long enough for the flames to start dying down to mere embers.
It was around this time that I started to feel incredibly silly. It probably comes as a shock to anyone who is reading this that it took this long for me to feel this way. When I get obsessed with the thought of doing something, I tend to focus on the task rather than how I feel about it. But suddenly, it sunk in that I had just spent hours on this. First, finding and then cleaning my grandfather’s fountain pen, then driving around to find a stationary store that actually sold ink that I could use with it (along with a ream of high-grade paper to write on, since I hadn’t wanted to be cheap on this). Then I spent well over an hour scratching out letter after letter. I recalled with embarrassment the other attempts, the absolute failures that went into the trash can, and the few that were almost good enough that I held on to, in case that turned out to be the best that I could do.
I decided that it would be a good idea to consign those to the fire as well, before my wife came home and had a chance to see them.
Having made that determination, I turned to go back into the house and nearly ran smack into Celestia herself, who was standing quite silently behind me. As I stared in complete and utter shock, she solemnly said one thing to me.
It was this:
“I accept your invitation.”
Interview With a Princess
A Most Wondrous Encounter
Amazement. Shock. Incredulity.
The English language totally fails to accurately portray the feeling you get when a character out of complete fiction steps out of nowhere and begins talking to you. Imagine if you suddenly were face to face with Santa Claus. Or an alien. Or Kermit the Frog, walking around and playing the banjo while singing “The Rainbow Connection”. Whatever you think your reaction is likely to be, it will probably be more like this:
First, you will stand there for a long moment, while your brain fizzes and pops. No coherent thoughts will surface. No words, no expressions come to mind. You are literally in complete idleness while your mind is locked up in an endless loop of denying the evidence that your senses stupidly insist on presenting.
Second, once your mind begins to get some traction, but before you have a chance to think you’re dreaming or hallucinating, you’ll make some incredibly odd and squeaky noises, while your language center tries to engage your voice with numb and fumbling fingers while simultaneously having nothing coherent to say.
Third, you’ll probably try to convince yourself that this can’t be happening, either by thinking it’s a dream or hallucination, as I mentioned above. There’s no shame in this, it’s a coping mechanism. Try to get through this quickly, though, because you’re missing the good parts.
Fourth, as the brain starts actually firing again, you’ll probably say something really stupid. My stupid thing to say was “You really exist?” Having found something that worked, even if poorly, your brain may decide to give it another shot, perhaps switching around the inflections, such as “You really exist?” and “You really exist ?” and finally, as things start kicking into high gear, a full out exclamation, such as “You really exist!!”
At least, that’s how it happened for me. Your mileage may vary, depending on what suddenly non-fictional character you’re presented with, your mindset, and your ability to accept the ludicrously impossible.
The fifth thing that may happen, as happened to me, is that your brain decides that it needs whatever processing power it can grab, and decides to free up resources by cutting your control to your legs. I sat down hard . The good news was that I missed the fire pit. That would have been… uncomfortable, and would have likely ruined the rest of my night, magical pony Princesses or no. The bad news was that I also missed my lawn chair.
I did not, however, miss the sidewalk. I fell flat on my backside in front of the Princess (who, now that I know she exists, rates the capital “P” in in the title of “Princess”). Then, for an encore, I gaped at her like, I imagine, a rather surprised bass.
The Princess stepped forward with a look of concern on her face.
“Are you alright?” She asked me. After I managed to nod dumbly (honestly, I felt that fall for days afterward, but at the moment, I could have broken a limb and barely noticed) she continued on to say, “If you didn’t know that I existed, why did you invite me to visit you for an interview?”
An interview. Was that what I had written? I had spent hours on that dumb letter, and I couldn’t even remember what it said! Good lord, I asked the Princess-Goddess of all Equestria to come to my house in the middle of Minneapolis Minnesota… for an interview?!
What in the world was I thinking, wasting her time like this? But hot on the heels of this thought was the sheer amazement of “I get to interview Celestia!” while inside my mind my inner child bounced excitedly off of the walls and jumped up and down on my mental furniture.
“It’s… complicated,” I told her. I thought for a moment, and then blurted out awkwardly, “I was hoping you were real but I didn’t think you really were!” So, really not complicated at all, then.
The Princess stared at me for a moment, then laughed, gentle like a waterfall and infectious. It didn’t take long before I was laughing too.
I stood and, still somewhat numb from shock, managed a very shaky bow. “I’m honored that you came, Princess. Thank you.”
Celestia inclined her head slightly in acknowledgment. Then she stared at me. I was wondering why she was staring, when it suddenly occurred to me that she was likely staring at me because I had been staring at her first.
This may be a good time, with all that staring going on, for descriptions. I’ll avoid describing me, since you know what humans look like (we're downright dull). Instead, I’ll describe her. And if you think you know what Celestia looks like because you’ve seen her on the cartoon, then you’ve got another think coming.
The first thing to know is that the cartoon Celestia, while definitely being identifiable as Celestia, is still a cartoon. In other words, it looked as much like the real Celestia as a cartoon person looks like a real person.
The real Celestia was slightly shorter than I am, which is just an inch under six feet tall, unless you count the horn, which extended half a foot higher than my head. She was, very obviously, equine in nature. The artistic compromises of the show left out the details, such as the very real hair of her hide and the smooth muscling underneath it. However, I had seen horses before, and their hides looked nothing like this. Celestia gleamed white, perfectly groomed and not a hair out of place. Which, on a pony is saying something.
Saying that she was equine in nature, however, was like saying that a supermodel is really just a really a type of monkey. A regular, Earth horse or pony just doesn’t compare. Her features were much finer, much more mobile and expressive. Her eyes were larger, more expressive and far more intelligent than any horse I had ever seen (or human, for that matter). Her snout (muzzle? I really need to look up the anatomy terms!) was far shorter than the average horse. Her limbs seemed almost delicate at the same time that they had an undeniable power.
As for the mane and tail… Oh, yes, the mane and tail. I could stare at those for hours. Like in the show, they rippled in a non-existent wind. Unlike the show, the hairs of her mane and tail were individual and distinct. All the colors of the rainbow were represented, not just the turquoise, teal, lavender and pink that make up her mane in the show. The hair itself was rippling, and the colors changed along the hair as it did. The effect was joyful and serene at the same time. I had the feeling that the hair was dancing with a wind that I couldn’t feel. And the effect was hypnotic, in a way I can’t even begin to describe.
Her wings… Those defied description. Even gracefully folded along her sides, I could tell that they were considerably larger than in the show. The feathers were the same gleaming alabaster white as her coat, but with a mild pinkish tinge at the tips.
The horn, spiraling seamlessly from her forehead, was not plain white by any means, but had a sheen to it that reminded me of mother-of-pearl. Once again, all the colors of the rainbow, but shifting and subtle as it caught the light.
She was wearing none of the jewelry that you see in the show. Not the tiara, not the big necklace, and not those strange shoes. Which meant that I could see her actual hooves as well. They were surprisingly small and well formed, especially compared to an actual horse or pony hoof. And they shone as if polished, with the same rainbow gleam that her horn displayed.
And her cutie mark… “Cutie mark”, such an absurd thing to call it, when you see the real thing. The stylized sun in miniature very nearly blazed on Celestia’s flanks. It was indescribable. I’ll try anyway. It looked… it looked like the cutie mark was projecting through her, somehow more real, more… complete, though that’s not the right word… vivid works better but is still not right… it’s more vivid and alive than any tattoo or body paint could ever be. It gave the sense that the rays of the sun were in motion, even though they weren't.
Oh, and at this point, you may be wondering how I was able to see her so clearly when the sun was down and the only nearby light source was from a dying fire. That’s simple. That fire wasn’t the nearest light source. The nearest was Celestia herself. She shone like a beacon in the advancing night. And I was suddenly very aware of how conspicuous she was.
It was time to take this party indoors, in other words, and I was incredibly grateful for the tall privacy fence around our tiny backyard.
“Ah… Princess,” I said finally, breaking the long moment of silence, “Perhaps we should move indoors? My neighbors might get curious, and it’s going to get chilly now that the sun is down.”
I noticed Celestia stare briefly off to the west, a look of concentration on her face. She blinked suddenly and looked surprised. I filed that away as a question to ask later, however, as she said, “I agree. If you don’t mind letting me into your home, I would be glad to accompany you.”
As I led Celestia through the backdoor and into my house, I suddenly had to get a firm grip on myself to stop myself from laughing uncontrollably. See, my wife insists that casual guests remove their shoes before entering the house. I wasn’t sure if Celestia wore shoes or not. While she wasn’t wearing any of the regalia you see in the show, I certainly wasn’t about to ask her if she was wearing horseshoes. And even if she were, I’d happily accept any scolding my wife could dish out for our scuffed up hardwood floors.
Once inside, however, I found myself completely at a loss for what to say. To have the actual Princess Celestia inside my actual house made things even more surreal for me. I felt a moment of dizziness pass over me and had just enough time to wonder if I was going to black out, when Celestia spoke.
“Oh, my!” she said, “What a charming home you have!”
Somehow, that statement grounded me again, and I was able to focus. Old habits, after all, die hard. And now I had a guest in my house. A magical, equestrian guest, perhaps, but a guest nonetheless. My host reflexes, trained into me over a period of years by my wife, kicked in, much to my relief. I now knew exactly how to act.
“Why, thank you Princess! You are too kind. Please, allow me to show you in!”
With that, I took her quickly through the kitchen (where the back door was located) and showed Celestia a few of our appliances, which seemed to fascinate her. Perhaps they don’t have microwaves and refrigerators in Equestria? Or perhaps, being a Princess, she never had much call to be in a kitchen? I may never know.
After that, we toured quickly through the dining room, where Celestia stopped to look interestedly into the built-in hutch that held my wife’s grandmothers antique China dishes. I briefly mentioned that the built-ins had been included with the original design of the house, but we had to restore them after a previous owner had painted over them. The glass was new, and the woodwork newly stained, which looked much better. I also commented on how the house was over a century old (belatedly realizing that a presumably immortal Princess would likely be less than impressed by that fact, and yet I soldiered on!)
It was when we reached the living area that I realized that there might be a problem. That realization came just as I was saying the following phrase: “Please, Princess, feel free to make yourself… at… home… “
You may have realized the difficulty I faced well before I did. Simply put, I didn’t have much in the way of furniture that ponies might find comfortable. I stopped, completely flustered for a moment, but Celestia never missed a beat. She thanked me graciously, then folded herself up quite neatly on our couch, which was just barely large enough to hold her comfortably. With her legs tucked up underneath her, she looked far less intimidating, which may have helped my hosting sensibilities return, because it suddenly occurred to me to offer her a drink.
I ran through the options that we had, and she stopped me at lemonade. I quickly ran back out to the kitchen, grabbed the pitcher, some ice, and two glasses, and hurried back out to the dining room. The wave of unreality hit me again as I regarded Celestia, curled up on my couch like an overlarge housecat. With hooves, wings, and a horn. Shaking myself, I moved as calmly as I could out into the living room, poured out the lemonade, and had a seat myself.
It shouldn’t have shocked me when her horn glowed and the glass raised itself to her lips. It really shouldn’t have. But it still did. It was one thing, I learned at that moment, to see a magical creature. It was quite another to see actual magic being performed, and in your own house! I was utterly fascinated.
If my rapt attention to what must have been for Celestia the very mundane act of drinking lemonade bothered her in the least, she never showed a sign of it. Instead, she complimented me on the lemonade. Then she looked me firmly in the eye, and said this to me:
“And now, I imagine, it is time to start this interview.” Then, as I nodded emphatically, she continued on to say, “However, if you don’t mind… I would like to ask a few questions of you, first.”
I instinctively felt that my day had just gotten a lot more complicated.
Interview With a Princess
Questions...
To say that my heart was fluttering was an understatement. What kind of questions would she ask? I wasn’t prepared for this! What could she ask me? What if I sounded like an idiot when I answered her?
As you may guess, I identify most with Twilight Sparkle of all the ponies. We share so many traits, including snapping under any kind of unexpected academic pressure.
“Feel free to ask whatever you like, Princess,” I told her, trying to remain casual and, I’m sure, failing miserably.
"First, I would like to ask... Could you please just call me Celestia? It's not often I get to talk to someone who doesn't just see me as their Princess, and I would like to exploit that fact."
I felt a big grin spread across my face as I said, "Of course, Celestia!"
"Thank you," she said, bowing her head graciously. Then she continued on to her next question. Which was something I actually should have expected her to ask.
“In your letter, you mentioned that you are a ‘human’. Could you tell me more about what a human is?”
“You’ve never seen a human before?”
“No, I haven’t,” she said, neatly eliminating one of the questions I had planned on asking. “I’ve seen many different creatures across many different Realms, but I have never seen a human before today.”
And just as neatly, she gave me a new question to ask! I’d have to find out about these ‘Realms’ before the night was out.
“Well, let’s see… How to describe humans? Well, let’s just start by saying that we’re very… diverse.”
And here, I will spare you the next hour or so of questions and answers as I filled Celestia in on all the details of humanity. Or, at least, gave her a basic summary. As I mentioned before, I’m sure you know as much about humans as you care to, and you don’t need the details of what I told Celestia. I’ll just give you a summary of the summary.
Basically, I told her that we were very diverse, both culturally, physically, and personally. That we ran the gamut of people who were very good, kind and giving, to people that were narrow minded, petty and cruel. But I also told her that, in my experience, most people are kind, tolerant and caring. And, if you disagree with me on that, then that’s your right. But that description fits with most of the people that I know.
I also mentioned, with some trepidation as to what her reaction would be, that most of us are omnivores. Celestia simply nodded at that, and said, “I had guessed as much by your teeth.” Which surprised the heck out of me, I don’t mind saying.
I also talked about the complete lack of magic on Earth, and how we managed to prosper by exploiting science instead. She was very impressed when I mentioned the moon landing, and she looked very fascinated and maybe even a little bit thoughtful when I mentioned that most locations on Earth were interconnected in a gigantic virtual grid we called “the internet”, where we could share stories, music, pictures and art.
Finally, she was satisfied with my explanation of “Humans 101”, and dropped the bombshell question I had been afraid she would ask. Which was:
“Could you explain, please, how you didn’t know that I existed, and yet still wanted to meet me?”
“Ah…” I said, “Hmm… That one… that’s a bit tricky to explain.” I pondered for a moment, and then I launched into my explanation.
“Human beings, you see… Humans are very imaginative, and we love to tell stories. We’ll tell each other true stories about things that have happened, sure, but what we really love to do is make things up completely. Sometimes we make up whole other worlds, just so we can tell stories about what happens in them. And one of the worlds we made up and tell stories about is Equestria."
Celestia seemed taken aback for a moment, and then asked me, “Are you saying that humans created Equestria?”
“Not at all, Celestia!" I said, shaking my head. "Humans don’t have that kind of power, and we have no direct knowledge of other worlds, other realities. But we still tell stories about these things all the time! What I think must have happened is that, in the case of Equestria, we just happened to make up stories about a place that actually existed somewhere... out there."
I gestured vaguely into the distance to indicate what I meant by “out there.”
She nodded and said, “That sounds plausible. However, it leads to still further questions.”
“Yes?”
With a soft smile, she said, “What kind of stories do you tell?”
“That's an easy one!" I said with a laugh, "The set of stories that we tell about Equestria is called ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic’. It focuses mainly on the adventures of Twilight Sparkle and her five best friends, as well as her dragon assistant Spike.”
Celestia looked mildly surprised by this. “Humans know about the magic of friendship? And you know about Twilight Sparkle?”
“Yes, although we consider both to be fictional. And, how accurate our stories are compared to your reality, I can’t say.”
“Hmm. Interesting. Would you be able to tell me any of these stories?”
“Actually, Celestia… How about I just show you?”
“Show me? I’m not sure I follow.”
“Well, when I was telling you about our technology, I don’t think I told you about television, did I?”
“I don’t believe so, no.”
“Well, television is… for lack of a better term, a magic box that we can tell stories through, with pictures. Does that make sense?”
Celestia nodded.
"Well, there's a team of people that work together to create these specific stories, and they have one story per episode. Well, usually. There have been a couple two-part episodes. We have this method of making drawings that actually move, and a way to add in voices and sound effects, and we also add in music to heighten the mood."
"That sounds fascinating! I'm having a difficult time imagining what that would all look like, however."
“Then let me show you. I’ll be right back!”
And with that, I stood and rushed out of the room, and into my study. I quickly gathered up my laptop and power cord, and was about to head out when a thought struck me. I went over to my figure collection (mostly video game characters and the like) and picked out the Mane 6, as well as my Celestia figure, and stuck them into a handy box.
The way I saw it, she'd either be interested or amused to see these, or she would be horribly offended. Oh, well. I was going to show her the cartoon anyway. In for a penny, in for a pound!
I rushed back out to the living room and stopped in horror at what I saw. On the couch, completely unconcerned with the dignity of the Princesses’ position, and even less so with her grandeur, our big old gray cat had jumped up and nestled herself in by Celestia’s folded up front leg! Celestia was looking at her with a small smile curling at the corners of her mouth.
“Ah… her name is Nadine,” I told her. Nadine didn’t even crack an eye at me as I came in and said her name. She’d found a warm spot and had no intention of moving. “I can move her, if she’s bothering you.”
“Not a bother at all,” Celestia said graciously. “She’s adorable!” And with that, Nadine graced me with a look that only cats can provide, both incredible self-satisfied smugness and completely indolent relaxation at the same time.
“Well, ok. In that case… Here, let me show you these.”
And with that, I began taking the toys out of the box. I had the molded-hair versions of Twilight, Pinkie and Applejack, and the brushable Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. The Princess stared in fascination as I brought them out. But her eyes widened in what looked like near shock when I pulled out my Celestia figure!
“Is that… me?”
“Yes, or at least the toy based on the animated version of you. That’s… a big part of why the show exists, so that people will want to buy these toys based on the characters.”
“That’s… it’s very odd, seeing something like this unexpectedly.” And suddenly I was very nervous.
“I’m sorry if it offends, Celestia. We only have our imaginations to tell us what you look like. Would you like me to take these away?”
She laughed gently, and said, “No, that’s quite alright. I was just surprised, that’s all. And this… figure of me. It’s very… pink.”
I laughed in return. “Yes, that’s a bit of a sore spot amongst some of the fans. The Celestia in the show is primarily white, like you are. The older fans that watch the show and buy the figures often gripe about ‘pink Celestia’. In fact, many people have repainted theirs white. I’m too nervous about wrecking this one to give that a try, though.”
I left her examining the figures while I hooked up my laptop to my TV and plugged in the power supply. That’s one thing, at least I have a decently large television, though I rarely get to watch My Little Pony on it (the wife, again). I have all the episodes downloaded off of iTunes, though, and soon had everything ready to go.
“The first episodes,” I said, turning to Celestia, “revolve around the return of Nightmare Moon, and Twilight being sent to Ponyville, where she meets her friends and then goes on an adventure to get the Elements of Harmony and stop Nightmare Moon from bringing eternal night.”
I know, spoilers, right? But I figured Celestia was already aware of these events. But the look on her face was wary. Perhaps even a little nervous.
“Are… are you ok with this, Celestia?”
She paused for a moment, considering, and then gave a decisive nod.
“Please, show me.” she said.
I selected “Friendship is Magic Part 1” from the list, and hit play. From the very first moment of the introduction, Celestia was entranced. Her eyes never left the screen, except for once or twice to look at me in astonishment.
I couldn’t help but glance over at her face continuously while we were watching, just to gauge her reaction. At the first mention of her sister, she looked wistful. And, when Nightmare Moon was mentioned in the introduction, she looked both saddened and pained by the memory. During the part where cartoon-Celestia banished her sister to the moon, she was nodding thoughtfully. If I had to guess at that moment, I’d say that Lauren Faust and team had done a pretty good job of capturing the essence of the story, at least from Celestia’s point of view.
Then came the first appearance of Twilight, and I saw the Princess smiling fondly at the animated counterpart of her prized pupil. Then the title song, which startled her. That was the first time she broke her eye contact with the television, to give me an inquiring look.
“They do this as a sort of introduction. They play this opening song for every episode,” I told her. She nodded and returned her attention to the TV.
During the end of the title sequence, there was a brief image of cartoon-Celestia herself. The real Celestia laughed heartily on seeing her animated counterpart. I breathed a sigh of relief. She didn’t seem to find it a bad representation of herself, at least, and she certainly wasn’t offended.
Then the story itself began in earnest. Celestia chuckled constantly throughout the opening minutes of the show. As Twilight was coming into Ponyville for the first time, resolving to finish her official duties as quickly as possible so as to return to her studies of Nightmare Moon’s possible return, Celestia, chuckling fondly, remarked, “It’s as if they’ve captured her very essence!”
The laughter and enjoyment from the couch didn’t stop there. Not being familiar with old-fashioned cartoon tropes, she was completely taken by surprise by Twilight’s first meeting with Pinkie Pie. In fact, I had to pause the show for her to regain her composure, she was laughing so hard!
You know how it is when someone is laughing, and you can’t help but join in? And then the other person laughs even harder, because someone else is laughing too, and then you start laughing harder yourself, due to a sort of insane laughter feedback loop? That’s what happened here. Celestia was laughing so hard at Pinkie’s sudden gasp and springboard into the air that she was literally gasping for breath with tears coming out of her eyes. Nadine gave her a disgusted look and decided to go find somewhere else to curl up and get warm.
That's a scene that will stay with me until my dying day. Princess Celestia, co-ruler of all Equestria and the being responsible for raising the sun every day, laughing uncontrollably on my couch. If I had thought this whole thing was surreal before, then I hadn't known what surreal really felt like.
And for myself, I was slumped in my chair, hands over my eyes, with my ribs aching from laughter. Slowly, we were both able to get ourselves under control. As we wound down, first to chuckles, and then to sighs, she looked me in the eye and said, quite seriously,
“That... was completely ridiculous!”
Well, she wasn't wrong! I nodded, and said, "Well, when it comes to animation, the artists can get away with a lot of things you'd never see in real life. They mostly do it for comic effect. There's an episode later on where Twilight gets an anvil, a piano, and several other extremely heavy objects dropped on her head, and she comes away with no more than a few bruises, all of which are gone a few minutes later."
"Hmm... I see," she replied. And then, "Please, continue." and gestured with a hoof towards my laptop. I hit play, and the show started back up again.
The episode continued, and while Celestia was often amused, the rib-cracking laughter from earlier didn't reoccur. The things she found funny were many of the things that most of us find funny, such as Twilight's Rainblow-dried mane, Fluttershy's awkwardness, and Pinkie's sudden surprise party.
She even noticed Derpy in the background and said, "Why is that pony making that face?"
And here, I sensed a chance to clear something up from the fanon! Derpy's real name! I quickly paused the show and moved back to where you could see Derpy's face.
"Well, the face she's making is either an animation error, or, more likely, one of the artists having a little fun with... Sorry, Celestia, but do you happen to know that pony's name?"
Celestia looked more closely, then shook her head.
"I'm sorry, I don't recognize most of the ponies shown in the background here, let alone that gray one. Though, she does look somewhat familiar."
Sorry, Bronies. It looks like the debate over her name will rage on. However, if the Princess thought she recognized her, at least that means we may one day have an answer!
I started it back up again. After Pinkie's jump and gasp dissolved Celestia's royal calm into hysterics earlier, I was expecting something similar when Twilight drank the hot-sauce and burst into flames. The Princess, however, let that one go with no more than a chuckle.
Then, finally, came the end of the episode. The return of Nightmare Moon. Celestia looked sad, again, and I could only imagine what it must have felt like, seeing her sister, even an animated version of her sister, possessed by the evil of Nightmare Moon. After all, there’s every indication in the show (and in Celestia's current reaction) that the conflict between the sisters and Luna’s subsequent banishment had torn Celestia’s heart in two.
Then, roll the happy music and end credits, which definitely startled the Princess. She frowned slightly.
“Is that all there is?” she asked.
“No, there are plenty of other episodes. This story was just too long to wrap up in a single episode, since they’re all about this same length. There’s one more episode that deals with Twilight and her friends getting the Elements and facing off against Nightmare Moon.”
“Just one more episode, of this length?” She looked very doubtful about that.
“That’s right,” I said. “Oh, and if you’re curious, all the names that are flashing by right now are all of the folks that work on the show, and their titles.”
She glanced back curiously, read a few names, and then said, “Can we watch the next episode?”
“Of course!”
I skipped the rest of the credits (my apologies to everyone who worked so hard on the show, but the Princess had spoken!) and brought up episode 2. Out of long habit, I skipped past the "Previously on My Little Pony" and opening title sequence, and got right into the story itself.
Like the last episode, I kept glancing over to gauge Celestia's reaction. For the most part, her expression never changed from one of complete focus, with a small frown. She was very intent on this episode. As it went on, I sensed a growing dissatisfaction from her, though I wasn't sure of the source.
Then came the end. Twilight discovered the spark that allowed her to access the Element of Magic. Nightmare Moon was defeated, and animated Celestia came in (Celestia herself perked up at this, watching her animated counterpart with extreme interest).
When Luna asked for Celestia's forgiveness, there were tears in the real Celestia's eyes. And mine, honestly, once I saw that. It's one thing watching it when it's "just" a cartoon, but when you see how it affects someone who lived through it, that raises the emotional impact considerably.
Then it was end celebration time, Twilight got to stay in Ponyville, and the end credits ran again. This time, Celestia stopped me from ending the episode early, and actually read the credits, much to my surprise.
Finally, the show ended. Silence fell, as Celestia stared quietly off into some middle distance. I waited for Celestia to collect her thoughts.
After a long moment, she spoke again.
"Was there a reason why they glossed over so many of the hardships that Twilight Sparkle and her friends faced on the way to get the Elements of Harmony?"
I was honestly surprised by the question, and I took a moment to consider my answer.
"Well, Pr... er... Celestia, I would say that they didn't, because they didn't know the actual hardships that they faced. This is all from their imaginations. Also, this show is primarily designed to be watched by younger humans. There's a fine line between telling a story that a child will find exciting, and telling a story that they will find downright frightening. I'm assuming that the journey that Twilight Sparkle and friends faced was much more dangerous?"
"Yes," she said with a firm nod. "I was able to keep Nightmare Moon engaged, but it was a defensive action and a distraction only. In full conflict between the two of us, we would have torn Equestria apart as the sun and the moon themselves engaged for dominance over the sky. My primary focus was to keep her from destroying Equestria, and from bringing her full might against the Bearers of the Elements."
She sighed, and shook her head. "In the end," she continued, "it almost wasn't enough. There were collapsing cliffs and manticores, surely, but there were also greater dangers. Some, from Nightmare Moon and her followers, and many from the forest itself."
Celestia glanced away, and I could see the look of pain on her face as she continued.
"I gave what help I could, but I had to do it indirectly. If Nightmare Moon had sensed my interest in the Bearers, she would have crushed them. As it was, I am sure she just considered them to be an annoyance to be brushed away, like flies. But even with what assistance I could give, by the time they reached the Castle where the Elements were located, they were weary, they were battered and they were bruised, both physically and emotionally.
"It took them nearly a week to arrive at the castle, at which time I believe that Nightmare Moon finally recognized the threat that they posed. She disengage from our battle, and I gave chase, but I was nearly too late. She was preparing what would have been a killing blow, which I was able to deflect in time to give Twilight Sparkle the moment she needed to be able to trigger the Elements of Harmony, and rid Equestria of the Nightmare for all time."
I was impressed. It was starting to sink in, what Twilight and the others had done in going up against an insane goddess. The dangers they faced... I'm not sure I could have done it. No wonder the Princess was upset! The hardships those ponies had faced had been reduced, in her eyes, to a quick jaunt into the forest, a few easily-defeated but not life threatening dangers, and an easy battle at the end.
"There was no insult intended, Celestia," I said. "Those that worked on the show didn't know what really happened on your world. They just... came up with a story that had some parallels, I would say."
She nodded, and said, "I understand that. If your kind can't see across the Realms, then there is no reason to assume that you would ignore those hardships on purpose."
"Frankly, Celestia," I said with a smile, "If we could see between Realms, I doubt we'd ever have to make up stories ever again."
She laughed warmly, and I felt the tension I'd been feeling while watching the second episode melt away.
"Did you want to watch any more episodes?" I asked her.
"How many are there?"
"Let's see, there are another twenty four episodes from the first season, and the second season has six so far." Celestia's visit happened on the Thursday before "May the Best Pet Win" first showed.
"Perhaps later, then. That will take a very long time, and I must get back to Equestria fairly soon." She sounded a bit sad about that.
"Well, I hope you enjoyed the episodes you have seen, Celestia."
"Oh, indeed! They were very amusing! If I had more time, I would greatly appreciate seeing more of them."
Oh, my. Could Celestia herself be a Brony? My inner child was once again doing gymnastics in the jungle-gym of my mind at the thought.
"Well..." I said, trying to sound nonchalant, "you could always come back at a later date and watch more of them."
"Perhaps," she answered with a wistful smile. "But for now, I believe I've delayed long enough. You had some questions you wanted to ask me, I believe?"
My heart leapt into my throat. This was it, what I had been hoping for! I was excited nearly beyond rational thought.
"If you don't mind, Princess."
"'Celestia', please," she encouraged me, "And you may begin whenever you like."
And so, the actual interview began.
Interview With a Princess
Here it was, my chance to ask Princess Celestia, co-ruler of all Equestria, any question I wished! She sat there, curled up on my couch, looking at me expectantly.
I cleared my throat and braced myself against the sudden onslaught of nerves. Well, I decided, I may as well get the big one out of the way, first!
"I want to say this before I start, Celestia. If I ask any question that you don't like, please feel free to decline to answer it."
"Very well," she said. "Thank you."
"Of course! You're a guest after all, and royalty. It's not right to just grill you for answers!" And then I took a deep breath and continued, "But if you don't mind, the one question that I, personally, have wondered the most about is... What, exactly, was Nightmare Moon?"
Celestia blinked, and then sighed and looked away. I thought maybe I had offended her at first, but no, I think she just wanted to collect her thoughts before she answered.
"That's a difficult thing to explain," she said finally, "especially as you have no real understanding of magic, as you've said earlier."
She sat up slightly and cleared her throat before continuing, her voice becoming thick with emotion.
"In the early days of Equestria, before the founding of Canterlot, everything was potential. Life was a force in and of itself, yearning to grow. What we now call magic, in fact, though magic currently is much more structured and ordered than it was back then. Luna and I found that we could impose our will on this magic, and cause things to change. Not without limits, of course, but finite changes. The Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters was created through such an act of will, naturally. And many of the life forms were... not created, but encouraged to grow, and to awaken to their potential. And thus, came the first races of ponies. Earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns."
"But in the raw and wild early days, care had to be taken. What one wanted could come true, often in spite of what you thought were your true desires. And what Luna wanted, more than anything at that time, was to be as loved and respected as she saw that I was, but that she believed that she was not. Those desires, along with her jealousy and bitterness, surged within her. And, from the primal magics of the realm, Nightmare Moon was born. Both a part of Luna, and apart from her, she became a creature all her own, trapping my beloved sister within. The Nightmare was... a shell, over her form and soul, possessing its own consciousness, but borrowing heavily from Luna's memory and will. It became everything she thought she wanted to be. Powerful, regal beyond words, terrifying in its beauty. But it carried none of Luna's joy, love or caring, and instead only emulated her greed, bitterness, fear and envy. Does that answer your question?"
I swallowed. The emotional impact of that answer had left me feeling a little stunned. Not the words or the story itself, but the depth of emotion that Celestia's voice had managed to convey. A thousand years hadn't dulled the edge of that grief.
"Yes, Celestia, and thank you. Another question I have often wondered about is, why banish her to the moon? If you had the Elements of Harmony, couldn't you have cleansed her yourself?"
"Sadly, no." she said, with a shake of her head. "There are a few things that prevented that. As I said earlier, Nightmare Moon's power is a match for my own. In fact, she may be slightly stronger. And, in those days, magic was wild and unpredictable, which had a diluting effect on the power of the Elements themselves. Not to mention, there are six Elements, and, as strong as I was, I was only one pony. The Elements themselves weakened Nightmare Moon to the point where my own, inherent power was enough to defeat her, but I could not wield them effectively enough on my own to remove the Nightmare itself from Luna without killing her.
"And that's when I was faced with a terrible choice, one that I dearly hope that nopony ever has to face. I could not cleanse my sister of the taint that had consumed her, but neither could I simply let the Nightmare go. Equestria had suffered enough from our battle as it was. The Everfree forest is one such place that, even a thousand years later, has still not recovered completely. That left me with only one option, which was to make certain that none of my little ponies would never suffer under the hooves of Nightmare Moon again.
"I was ready to strike the finishing blow, when it occurred to me that I could lock her away in her moon, instead. The Elements had weakened the Nightmare enough that my own natural power could work against her almost unimpeded. I managed to lock nearly all of Nightmare Moon and her terrible power into the moon, where she would stay while I planned and prepared for its inevitable return."
"Nearly all of her power?" I asked.
"Yes. A small portion of the Nightmare's power had managed to keep itself free, and it worked slowly but surely over the next thousand years to affect its escape."
"Was... Was Luna aware of the time that passed on the moon? I can't imagine how terrible that must have been..."
"Yes, and no. As she told me after her release, time passed fitfully for her, in brief glimpses as the Nightmare wavered from time to time and briefly lost complete control of her. On these occasions, Luna could see out of her prison to the Equestria below. Sadly, Luna was never quite able to free herself entirely from its grip. I had fashioned the prison so that, should she ever free herself completely, she would immediately be released. This, obviously, did not happen. But I had hope."
"Thank you, Celestia," I said, and then there was a brief lull in the conversation as I absorbed these facts. Then I continued.
"Can you tell me, please, what the Elements of Harmony are?"
"You recall that I said that, in the early days, the magic of life was wild?" I nodded, and she continued. "Luna and I found these... for lack of a better term, seeds of Harmony. By which I mean, the essences of life that would allow life to work together, to grow and change in ways that complimented all of the different forms of life. As well, it allowed life and the forces of nature to strive together, rather than against each other. Before harmony, life grew in wild fits of passion, and died out just as easily. Unbelievable storms would rage one moment, followed by an intense stillness and heat, followed by snow. It was chaos. Many creatures suffered and died."
This was beginning to sound familiar. I thought of the season two premier and Discord. Sounds like his kind of place. I shuddered briefly at the thought of what Discord freeing himself must have been like, after hearing Celestia's description of how short the first two episodes had fallen in explaining the hardships Twilight and her friends had gone through for Nightmare Moon's defeat.
"Order had to be imposed, if life was to truly flourish. But not just any order. Order without flexibility is stagnation. Life had to work together, along with the natural forces, in order to develop, rather than to just strive and compete and fail over and over again.
"Luna and I noticed that, in the regions where the seeds of Harmony had taken root, life flourished and thrived like it did nowhere else. There was peace, of a sort. The first time that I saw plants and insects working together in order to better provide for each other, the bee getting nectar for its honey, and in return the plant having its pollen spread to all the other plants in the region, was... amazing. I had never seen the like before. And it caused a complete shift in our perspectives. We realized that all life could work like this, rather than just tearing down any other form of life that came along. That life could work together to form stability, and develop in ways that were never possible when each strand of life worked only for its own benefit. That idea, the idea of cooperative effort towards a common good, became the core of what we call Equestria today.
"We encouraged those seeds to grow. And, when the time came, we fashioned the Elements of Harmony that you know of, in order to focus them. And that Harmony spread over Equestria, and life... worked itself out. With a little help from both Luna and myself, of course."
"So," I said, "If I understand what you're saying, the effects of the Elements basically calmed the wild magic of the time. And this is why it worked against Nightmare Moon?"
"Indeed. As a creature formed of the essences of the raw magic of life, having Harmony imposed on it sapped nearly all of its strength. When Twilight Sparkle and her friends not only wielded the Elements, but wielded them with the power of their friendship, the resulting wave of Harmony obliterated the chaos that formed Nightmare Moon, and allowed Luna to awaken, free of the corrupted life magic that had clung to her."
"That... is amazing," I said. Then something she said tweaked my interest. "So, you said 'the power of their friendship'. So, friendship is an actual, real force of magic on Equestria?"
"Oh, absolutely!" Celestia said with a laugh. "I thought that was clear in those episodes that you just showed me."
"Oh, well," I said with a blush, "It's hard to say how much of that would be real, and how much is just marketing!"
Celestia looked a little confused by the "marketing" comment, so I rushed on to my next question.
"In your description, though, you make it sound like life is evil in some way. The way it clung to Luna to create Nightmare Moon. Did I misunderstand that?"
"There is no evil without intent. And the intent was born from Luna's desires. Life itself has no intent, it just strives to be, to grow. That portion of life that attached itself to Luna's emotions grew and twisted, but it was the darkness in my own sister's soul that caused the Nightmare to take the form it did, not the magic of life itself."
I was absolutely fascinated, which is probably why I asked this next question without thinking.
"Do you blame Luna, then, for allowing her emotions to run away with her and cause the Nightmare to come into being?"
Celestia stiffened momentarily, then relaxed.
"You've come very close to asking a question that I would decline to answer," she said, and I blushed, feeling horrible at my tactlessness. I stammered to apologize, but The Princess brushed off my apology with a slight movement of her wing and a shake of her head. "I know you didn't mean to cause me pain, so I accept your apology. But Luna blames herself far too much as it is, and I am very aware of the pain that causes her. That first battle between us caused great harm to the world. It's a source of guilt that neither of us can ever be free of for as long as we live. And we live... for a very long time.
"To answer your question, though... No, I do not blame her. Nopony can control their emotions at all times, and the wild magic of life was omnipresent. She had no desire to hurt anypony. Not then, and not now. Nightmare Moon was one of the last remnants of the old, untamed magic before the advent of Harmony. If those events transpired even a few centuries later, after the Elements had more time to work on taming the magic of Equestria, the Nightmare would never have manifest, regardless of how Luna had felt."
I liked the way she said 'A few centuries later', as if the passing of a few hundred years was no big deal. Probably, to her, it wasn't.
"So, if magic, for lack of a better term, has been tamed, why can unicorns still use magic?"
"Not only unicorns. Many creatures of Equestria can use magic. Earth and pegasus ponies, as well as dragons, griffons, and many many others. I think that what you consider 'tamed' is a vast misunderstanding. It was channeled and focused, but it is no less present or powerful. It simply now works for the betterment of life, rather than just raging around Equestria.
"You have it here, as well, though it's not in a form you can easily tap into. After all, you never would have been able to send that letter to me, otherwise. I would say that Harmony, here, gathered an early and powerful hold over life in this Realm. To such an extent that you believe that magic can't be used."
Magic... existed here. That was quite a bombshell! I felt completely poleaxed by that revelation, even though in retrospect, it was quite obvious. After all, she was right. I had sent that letter! But her statement reminded me of yet another question that I wanted to ask.
"Realms," I said. "I think I may know what you mean by those. After all, we each come from different Realms ourselves. But could you tell me more about those?"
"Certainly. Your universe is vast. I sensed it when I first arrived here. As well as sensing that you live in a Realm where planets orbit stars, rather than the other way around. This is not always the case. Realms are separated by boundaries that are nearly impassable. What a student of mine named Starsong once called "The Chasm of Infinity", though that's a needlessly dramatic title for it. And each Realm can have vastly different rules under which it operates. Many Realms are outright hostile to anything that we would consider life. Many contain forms of life that we would find horrific, strange, or even just unbelievably beautiful. I once saw a Realm that was populated by what appeared to be nothing but shifting prisms of light in every color imaginable. For centuries, I would look in on it, just so that I could regard it's beauty, before I realized one day that it was watching me back. That entire Realm was alive, as a single entity. We spent decades just learning the basics of how to talk to each other, and I find it fascinating, though I can hardly say that I can comprehend it even at the best of times.
"Your realm is quite like mine, in many ways. Many of the same forms of life, but far less of the magic of life. Still, you seem to do quite well for yourselves with your science. Perhaps... perhaps that is the way your magic typically chooses to manifest itself? I truly can't say, but I find it intriguing."
I nodded, though it was all a bit metaphysical to me. I think I got the basics of "Realms", though. I'm a huge sci-fi and fantasy buff, after all.
"Another question, if you don't mind... You mentioned our sun, and in the cartoon, it said that you raise the sun and Luna raises the moon. Your moon, I assume, is somewhat like ours. But what is your sun like?"
"Our sun is somewhat similar to yours, just on a much smaller scale. It gives light and heat, and helps life to grow. Our moon gives peace and comfort, and allows life to rest. It's all part of the Harmony that grew in Equestria, along with the Elements. By harnessing the sun and the moon, Luna and I were able to extend the reach of Harmony across Equestria, calming the forces of nature to give life a better chance to thrive."
I nodded again. This was all so fascinating! I cast about for another question, and decided to stick to more generalities. I didn't feel like asking her another painful question after upsetting her about Luna.
"You mentioned that earth ponies have magic, but in the cartoon, they don't seem to do a whole lot. Could you tell me more about them?"
"Why certainly! Recall what I said about wild magic and life becoming tame through the Elements of Harmony. Well, Harmony itself exists in every living thing. And, it exists quite strongly in the ponies of Equestria. Unicorns help to bring and maintain harmony to magic, pegasi do the same for the weather. But earth ponies... they bring harmony to the land itself. They help plants to grow, and animals to coexist. They aren't the only things, of course. Equestria is inherently harmonious now. But the ponies of Equestria help to maintain that harmony, just by their existence."
"Ah! That's very interesting. In the show, one thing that always bothered me was that there seemed to be a fairly rigid caste system, with unicorns at the top positions, pegasi running around having fun and messing with the weather, and earth ponies doing all the hard, menial work. So, is that the case?"
"Goodness, not at all! It's true that many earth ponies prefer to work with the land. That's where their inherent magics display themselves most strongly. But earth ponies tend to have a certain levelheadedness that makes them invaluable advisers to me. I'll tell you this... Equestria could survive without unicorns. Even without pegasi, the weather itself would still be regulated somewhat by the sun and the moon. But without the earth ponies... All of Equestria would be like the Everfree forest. Harmony can only extend so far without a focal point. And each pony that exists is a living, breathing focus for Harmony."
"Wow... That's good to hear, though it's odd hearing 'levelheadedness' used to describe a pony as random as Pinkie Pie."
Celestia laughed a little. "While it's true that Pinkie has her moments, in her own way, she is an extremely clear thinker. Her mind simply moves differently than most others."
You can say that again, I specifically didn't say. But seriously, Pinkie's antics have grown on me over the episodes. She may not be my favorite pony, but it's hard to imagine the show without her. But now I had to think of another question.
"Celestia, could you tell me about cutie marks?"
"What would you like to know?"
"Well... where do they come from? How do they appear? How do they know what form to take?"
"At the simplest explanation... it's magic. Simply put, the Harmony that exists within each pony will manifest itself when that pony discovers who they are, or what they would like to do with their lives. Each pony will have an epiphany, a moment of profound insight into their own character. When that happens, their own subconscious will fashion the cutie mark for them, and their inherent magic will cause the mark to appear on their flanks. I admit, that was a bit of an unintended side-effect from when Luna and I were helping them to develop. Unexpected and wonderful."
"Has there ever been a case where a pony simply hasn't manifested a cutie mark?" I asked her.
"No," Celestia said, and then sighed deeply. "Or rather, no pony reaches adulthood without attaining a cutie mark. Accidents do happen, however, no matter how safe I try to make Equestria. Not all foals live to adulthood."
The grief was evident in her voice as she said that. And, again, it struck me that if I were in Celestia's place, I would have cracked under the weight of all that emotion ages ago. A mortal being can only feel so much grief before their emotions shut down out of self defense. I felt a moment of both admiration and pity move through me, before I chastised myself. Celestia deserved my admiration. But not pity. Not from me. I cleared my throat and blinked back the sudden sting of tears that suddenly sprang up in my eyes.
Celestia was watching me curiously. It was starting to get late, and I was having trouble coming up with more questions. At least, questions that covered what I thought would be "safe" topics. This was very ironic, because before she arrived, I had dozens! And, of course, after this night was over, I thought of dozens more. I didn't want this interview to end, though, so I cast around for something, anything, to ask her.
Finally, I thought of something to ask her. It wasn't exactly "safe", but it didn't touch on Luna or Nightmare Moon, as far as I knew. I decided to risk it.
"What can you tell me about Discord? How did you defeat him?"
Celestia's head reared back in shock, and she started up off my couch, standing, with her wings slightly spread. I jerked away from her in surprise at this sudden reaction, staring at her, the look of shock on my face surely matching the ones on hers.
"How do you know about Discord?" she asked me, and the force behind her voice reminded that this was a Princess, used to command, and used to being obeyed instantly. I found myself replying without even a thought.
"He... He's the primary villain of the first two episodes of season two. He was trapped in the form of a stone statue in the royal gardens of Canterlot and managed to free himself. I know is that he's the spirit of chaos, and that you and Luna had to use the Elements to defeat him."
Celestia was staring at me still. I could sense the tension radiating from her. Finally, she spoke, in a tightly controlled tone of voice that didn't manage to hide the roiling turmoil underneath.
"Discord is still in his statue. Or, rather, he was before I came to this Realm. Tell me what you can of his return."
"O-ok, Princess," I said with a stammer, and this time she didn't ask me to use her name instead of her title.
I mentioned the school tour, and the CMC fighting by the statue that was Discord. I mentioned the pink clouds of cotton candy that rained chocolate milk, and Twilight's failing failsafe spell. The urgent summoning to Canterlot, only to find the Elements of Harmony missing. Discord's cruel game in the maze, where he twisted each of the Bearer's Elements against them. The finding of the Elements back in Twilight's library in Ponyville, inside the Elements of Harmony reference guide. Twilight's breakdown after failing to stop Discord. The Princess sending back the friendship reports, which restored Twilight's spirit, who then restored each of her friends, and the final defeat of Discord.
"But remember the two episodes you saw today, Princess. What actually happened in those episodes I described probably won't be what actually happens in the real Equestria. At best, it's a clue as to what may happen."
"Yes, I am aware of that," she said tightly. "I am sorry. I will have to cut this interview short. I must return to Equestria now, in case this actually comes to pass."
Then she glanced at me, and I think she saw the fear and concern on my face, because she inhaled deeply, then sighed in release. Then she smiled at me, and said in a much more normal tone of voice, "Thank you. The information you gave me, if Discord is truly going to escape, could very well save the lives of countless ponies. For that, I will always be grateful. But now, I must go."
I could sense her gathering her will. I don't know how, but I knew she was getting ready to go back to Equestria.
"Wait! Princess, please, I have one last question..."
She regarded me for a moment, and then nodded. My jaw worked soundlessly for a moment. I struggled with myself, briefly, and I lost. Was I really willing to do this? Was I really willing to ask this, and maybe throw my whole life away?
Yes. I was.
"Take me with you?" I asked. "Please?"
She looked startled for a moment, and then sad. She smiled at me, and I knew the answer before she even spoke.
"I am so sorry, but I can't. The Chasm between Realms... I can only traverse it myself due to my nature, and my immortality. There is simply no way that I could take you with me, and have you survive. You must remain here."
Then she stepped forward, and gently laid her horn against my forehead.
"But I will always remember our conversation with fondness. And, if I can, I will return here one day, to continue this interview."
I was struggling against tears again. Crushing disappointment will do that to you every time.
"I... understand, Princess... Celestia... And I thank you for your time. And, if it's not too much trouble, even if you can't return yourself, could you maybe send me a letter and let me know when you have successfully managed to beat Discord's sorry tail back into the ground? I'd like to know that you and Equestria are safe, even if I can never go there myself."
Celestia smiled.
"But of course. Thank you again. And here," she said, reaching around with her muzzle and plucked a feather from her wing. She floated it out to me with her telekinesis, and I took it with a trembling hand. "Keep that, in remembrance of our time together."
"Fare Well," she said. There was a flash of light.
I raised my hand to wave goodbye, but Celestia was already gone.
Interview With a Princess
How do you go back to living a normal life after something like this? How can your boring, humdrum, every day existence do anything to motivate you after an incredible experience like that?
Simply, it can't. All you can do is focus on the day to day. And the ponies, of course. If I had thought I was obsessed before, that was nothing compared to how I was after Celestia's visit. I bought playsets. I bought shirts. My friends thought I was crazy when I finally came out of the "Brony closet". Well, except for my friend Paul, who turned out to be a Brony himself.
I even tried my hand at art. I tried to draw Celestia as I remembered her. My art skills are... not good.
I was kicking myself for not grabbing my camera and asking if I could take her picture. Or, even better, recording the whole interview. How many hits on Youtube would that have grabbed me, I wonder?
As the weeks went by, occasionally the thought would creep into my head, insidiously, that maybe I had dreamed the whole thing. Or that it was a hallucination. At those times, I would go into my study, into my locked fireproof safe, and I would delicately remove the feather that Celestia had given me. Longer than my hand, a delicate dusting of pink at the tip.
My wife, however, didn't take kindly to my near-evangelical Bronyism. It was only five days ago that we got into an argument over it, actually.
"I don't understand," she told me, "how you can be this obsessed with a children's television show?! Do you know how embarrassing it is that all of our friends know about it?"
"I don't care, because it's all real," is what I did NOT say. I also didn't say, "You know, Celestia came to visit me, and we had a lovely talk, and I found out all sorts of things that would make a physicist cry." After all, my only supporting witness was our cat Nadine, and she wasn't talking.
What I said instead was, "I'm sorry, dear. I'll try to curb it back in the future."
"Well, I sure hope you do! At first, it was kinda cute, but now it's just getting a little..." There was a pop in the air behind me, and my wife trailed off. I was watching her face, and I saw her eyes nearly bug out of her head. I turned around to see what was behind me.
"Greetings, mortal human! I, Princess Luna, have arrived at the request of my sister, Princess Celestia of Equestria, to inform you that we were able to deal Discord a sound defeat, in no small part thanks to the information that you have provided! When he freed himself from his statue, he found a contingent of Royal Guards, my sister and myself, as well as all the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony arrayed before him! The battle was over in mere seconds."
There was a slight groan and a soft "thump" behind me.
"Also," Luna said, "It appears as if your companion has fainted. Is she quite well?"
"Welcome, Luna," I said. "May I offer you a glass of lemonade?"
By the way, my wife was fine. Just a slight bump on the head. And a complete shifting of her concept of reality, of course. But I'm pretty sure she'll get over that. I've already ordered her some custom-made Luna hoodies for Christmas.
~THE END~
Interview With a Princess
Sadly, the Princesses haven't come back to visit me, yet. I've let them know that they're welcome any time, but I imagine that they're very busy these days. Especially if the season 2 finale is in any way accurate. I'm sure they have their hooves full.
Still, folks have been wanting a follow up. So, I thought I would try to amuse you all with a few things that didn't happen during the interview and subsequent Luna visit.
Consider this the "Blooper reel", if you like. And have fun!
~~*~~
"GREETINGS, MORTAL HUMAN! I, PRINCESS LUNA, HAVE ARRIVED AT THE REQUEST OF MY SISTER, PRINCESS CELESTIA OF EQUESTRIA, TO INFORM YOU THAT WE WERE ABLE TO DEAL DISCORD A SOUND DEFEAT, IN NO SMALL PART THANKS TO THE INFORMATION THAT YOU HAVE PROVIDED!"
There was a long pause. In the distance, car alarms were blaring. Several windows had shattered, not only on my house, but on both of my neighbors. Dogs in the distance were howling.
But I was unaware of all of that, seeing as I was now completely deaf.
~~*~~
"Has there ever been a case where a pony simply hasn't manifested a cutie mark?" I asked her.
"No," Celestia said, and then sighed deeply. "Except for Apple Bloom. I'm afraid that filly is destined to remain completely clueless."
"Oh, that's sad."
"Quite."
~~*~~
"What can you tell me about Discord? How did you defeat him?"
Celestia's head reared back in shock, and then she started laughing. Slowly, the laughter changed, becoming deeper and more malevolent. Then came a voice that was eerily familiar.
"Oh, my dear boy. Who said I was ever defeated?" Celestia's body changed, and before me stood the form of Discord.
He looks a lot less silly and much more frightening in real life, by the way.
"Thank you for the invite to your world, by the way. I believe it's time... to spread a little chaos! "
And that's the story of how I doomed the world. Sorry, guys. My bad.
~~*~~
I could sense her gathering her will. I don't know how, but I knew she was getting ready to go back to Equestria.
"Wait! Princess, please, I have one last question..."
She regarded me for a moment, and then nodded. My jaw worked soundlessly for a moment. I struggled with myself, briefly, and I lost. Was I really willing to do this? Was I really willing to ask this, and maybe throw my whole life away?
Yes. I was.
"Can I saddle you up and ride you around the night sky?" I asked. "Please?"
She looked startled for a moment, and then offended.
"DENIED!" she said, then disappeared in a flash of light.
~~*~~
I rushed back out to the living room and stopped in horror at what I saw. On the couch, completely unconcerned with the dignity of the Princesses’ position, and even less so with her grandeur, our big old gray cat had jumped up and nestled herself in by Celestia’s folded up front leg! Celestia was looking at her with a small smile curling at the corners of her mouth.
“Ah… her name is Nadine,” I told her. Nadine didn’t even crack an eye at me as I came in and said her name. She’d found a warm spot and had no intention of moving. “I can move her, if she’s bothering you.”
“Not a bother at all,” Celestia said graciously. “She’s adorable!”
Nadine looked up at her in surprise.
"Holy crap!" she said, "A talking horse!"
~~*~~
"Tell me, Celestia. Do you like bananas?"
"Why, yes, I do! Why do you ask?"
"It's just that we have a bunch out in the kitchen, and we have to eat them up before they go bad. Would you like one?"
"Certainly. Thank you."
Celestia ate her banana, and then we continued with the conversation.
~~*~~
Alternate Ending #1:
It's been months since I saw Celestia. Still, her parting gift to me was more than enough.
I'm divorced, now. My wife thinks I'm completely crazy. Still, she doesn't understand. I had to sell everything. I cashed out my savings and my 401k. I borrowed as much money as I could. I lived off my credit cards until those were maxed out. I'm sure the creditors would love to call and have a chat with me, but sadly, I no longer have a phone. I live in a small storage unit where I keep the few things I owned that I couldn't sell. I can't even afford the crappiest of apartments.
But it would all be worth it. The lab costs, the fees for the horses, as well as the cost of their upkeep... it would all be worth it.
Yes, that feather was the perfect gift. It was a pity that the process to extract the DNA had destroyed it. But now, I had six viable embryos remaining of the original twelve, all of them implanted into different brood mares. And the foals were healthy, as far as the vet could tell.
That was where all of my money went. My entire paycheck went to the boarding and care of those six horses, and the precious foals they carried within. And soon, in just a few month's time, the first of the foals would be born.
My own little Celestias.
And, with them, I will usher a new age of magic and friendship to the Earth.
You're welcome.
~~*~~
Alternate Ending #2:
"Take me with you?" I asked.
"Why, of course! Hold on to my mane!"
With joy, I grasped a handful of Celestia's flowing mane. It felt like grabbing a handful of water, indescribably soft and in constant motion.
Celestia's horn flared, and I was temporarily blinded. Blinking and rubbing at my eyes with my free hand, my vision eventually cleared. Stunned, I looked around to see that I was in Ponyville!
Everything was there. The artistic masterpiece of Sugarcube corner, the bizarre design of the joke shop, the tasteful Carousel Boutique. Not to mention the Books and Branches library, which was to be my initial destination. I was going to hug the ever loving daylights out of Twilight Sparkle!
And, of course, there were ponies. Ponies everywhere, in every shade and hue! They stared at me for a moment, then saw that I was with the Princess. Apparently, that made my appearance all right, as they smiled at me and gathered around to ask me questions.
"What are you?" Bon-Bon asked me.
"Do you like cake?" Carrot Top asked.
"What are those things on the ends of your arms?!" Lyra asked. I waved at her, wiggling my fingers, and she grinned and then immediately fainted.
"This is wonderful, Celestia! How long can I stay?"
Celestia smiled sadly, saying, "You can only stay until you wake up."
"What?"
And then my alarm went off.
Dammit.
~~*~~
Well, that's that! I hope you enjoyed this random bit of silliness.
Of course, none of the things above actually happened. But still, it's nice to dream, isn't it?
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a letter to go write, and then burn.
If the Princesses answer this one, I promise you'll see a real follow up fairly soon!
