“Ocellus Some Beer, Won't You?”

by Lucky Seven

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Ocellus, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia
Length: 1982

Ocellus is the perpetrator of the greatest crime in the School of Friendship's history.

Ocellus is tasked with getting only the finest of alcoholic beverages for her underage friends to indulge in. After all, who would suspect the only student to actually study?

Inspired entirely by a random conversation with Jack of a Few Trades. Go check that guy out, he's super cool!

Published 2018-04-10 22:40:11 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-10 22:40:11 UTC

This is a terrible idea.

“Ocellus, I’m telling you, nobody is going to find out.”

The scene was set. Ocellus had been laying in bed, catching up on some much-needed studying. Although confident in her knowledge, she knew that Ms. Dash had a penchant for adding particularly puzzling questions to her quizzes. ‘Just another way to stay a step ahead of the pack,’ she had told her students.

That way of thinking had rubbed off on the meek changeling, and she was determined to finish at the top of the first graduation class of Twilight Sparkle’s School of Friendship. Hay, she could see it now…

“And now, without further ado, your first ever valedictorian, Ocellus!”

The applause was heavy as Ocellus ascended the steps of what was to be her graduation stage mere moments from now. Once she finally reached the podium, she cleared her throat. “Mm. Fellow students, over the past few years, we’ve been through many things together. Avoided obstacles, cleared paths, and most importantly, formed everlasting friendships. With that in mind, there’s one thing I want to say…”

The auditorium was in a hush, everyone patiently awaiting what she had to say. Ocellus used the time to pick out her closest friend, Smolder, from the crowd. She began to laugh abruptly, a maniacal laugh that sent chills throughout the crowd. “I told you I’d be up here and you’d be down there, Smolder! Finally, I beat you at something! All those years of losing to you at Speed and Uno are over!”

“And that’s exactly why we’ll be giving you this trophy for being the ‘Most Awesome Being to Ever Live’,” Twilight spoke up, revealing a lifesize statue of Ocellus.

Heh, maybe Smolder really is starting to rub off on me in the wrong way, Ocellus chuckled to herself. Truth be told, if she were chosen to be valedictorian, she’d have nobody but her friends to thank for the occasion. Still, the idea of finally besting Smolder at something that relied on skill and practice, not chance, was pretty enticing.

She didn’t have much time to think more on that scenario, though, as her door swung open. “O-oh, hey guys!”

It had been quite a while since all five of her friends had visited her during study time, so this was a pleasant surprise. “Hi, Ocellus,” they all replied at once. And in the same tone…

Oh, Celestia. The last time they all said ‘hi’ like that, we had to spend a week rebuilding the school, she pondered worriedly.

“Is… something going on?” She inquired.

“Oh, nothing,” Gallus spoke up. “We were just wanting to see how our best buddy ever was doing?”

“Just doing a bit of studying for Ms. Dash’s test tomorrow,” Ocellus shrugged. “Are you sure that’s the only reason you’re here?”

The five simultaneously began to sweat, nervous smiles stretching across their faces. “Okay, truth be told, we want something and you’re the only one here who can get it,” Silverstream admitted. “But it’s like, totally okay if you don’t, haha.”

“Um…”

“We want you to get us some beer,” Smolder added, rather bluntly. “All the teachers talk about how great it tastes, even Fluttershy. We want in.”

“BEER?!” Ocellus cried out in fear. “N-no way, that’s illegal!”

“Hey, like, you should probably keep your voice down, bro…” Sandbar warned her. “After all, if we get caught now, we’ll never get to have that super cool stuff.”

“Yona never hear of beer until today. What taste like?” Their yak friend asked. Unfortunately, nobody had an answer for her. “Yona need know!”

“B-but why me?” Ocellus asked, to which pretty much everyone outside of Yona rolled their eyes. “O-oh. Right. Changeling…”

“So what do ya say?” Gallus prodded her. “We’d totally owe you.”

“But what if one of the teachers, or worse, one of the counselors finds out?” Ocellus showed a brief glimpse of panic. “It’ll ruin my school career!”

“Ocellus, I’m telling you, nobody is going to find out,” Smolder replied, one of her claws finding its way to Ocellus’s shoulder. “You’re like, the coolest changeling we know.”

Ocellus looked down at her books, then back to her friends. They all had a pleading look on their faces that she just couldn’t find it in herself to look away from. She sighed. “Alright, I’ll do it. But I get to try it too!”

“Deal,” Smolder smiled deviously.

Ponyville Liquor, Ocellus recited the name plastered across the neon sign overhead. The bright, vibrant glow of the sign was in contrast with the dreary, unkempt look of the building beneath. Still, ponies far and wide claimed that this was the place to buy alcohol.

The little changeling took in a deep breath, light blue flames surrounding her as she took on the form of… someone. She wasn’t quite sure who she’d just turned into, so took a look at her hoof.

White? She asked herself mentally. Ah, must be Rarity. Okay, Ocellus, you can do this. All you’ve gotta do is act like her and this will all be over in a few minutes.

With a gulp, she inched forward and pushed the door open. The chime of a bell announced her arrival, so any chance at turning back had evaporated. Once she was inside, the door slamming shut behind her, she could see that the store was fairly empty. Just one clerk, and another pony browsing product in the back.

That raised the biggest question of all. “What am I even supposed to buy?”

As she spoke, her voice sounded nothing like Rarity’s. In fact, it sounded a bit like…

“Ah, Princess Celestia!” The clerk shouted at her. “How’s my favorite royalty doing today?”

“O-oh,” Ocellus replied, shocked. How did I even transform into Princess Celestia?! Oh my gosh, I’m going to be in so much more trouble now if I’m caught. Just gotta try and act natural.m … Crap, what am I even supposed to say?

“No worries, I’m sure you’re too busy to chat right now. Gotta sign papers, listen to ponies and all other sorts of creatures complain. It’s a tough job. You here for the usual?”

Huh, looks like it won’t be that hard at all.

“Of course, the… usual. That’s what I’d like, hehe,” Ocellus chortled nervously. The clerk gave her a strange look, but nodded. The door behind him was kicked open, and he disappeared. A brief moment later, he reappeared with what looked like a mountain of alcoholic beverages. “Oh my Celestia.”

“What’s that about yourself?” The clerk peeked out from behind his stock.

“Oh, nothing,” Ocellus replied, whistling mindlessly in an effort to appear more innocent. “S-so, remind me again. What is the usual?”

“Well… normally, I throw in about six cases of Pon Light, four bottles of the finest wine, imported straight from Prance. Then I top it off with a special pick of whiskey or rum. This week’s pick is Kraken Black Spiced Rum,” he finished, pointing to the drink in question.

Oh, crap, Ocellus thought, I forgot the money, how am I supposed to pay for all this?!

“Heh, I’m sorry to tell you, but I appear to have lost my… funds,” she admitted sheepishly. Strangely enough, the clerk laughed.

“Ah, I know you’ve got me next time. You have a great day, Princess.”

Huh. That was a strange turn of events. Still, Ocellus wasn’t going to waste what good fortune she had going. All the beverages she would be taking began to glow a faint blue, something she hoped would remain unnoticed by the clerk.

“Hey, wait a sec, isn’t your magic supposed to be golden?”

“O-oh,” she stammered, trying to back out the front door with her prize. “I’m just feeling a bit… under the weather. Yeah, that’s it.”

“Huh. Makes sense to me. Sorry for the questioning, we’ve just had an influx of teenagers trying to steal beer lately,” he explained.

“Crazy kids,” Ocellus laughed. “Well, I’ll see you later!” She yelled, finally making her way out and slamming the door behind her. Letting out a hefty sigh, she whirled around to make her way back to the school, only to let out a shriek.

“Oh, hi, Princess!”

“H-hello, Starlight,” ‘Celestia’ replied. “How are you?”

“I’m doing great! The School of Friendship is a success, so I’m picking up a bottle of wine or two to celebrate with the girls.” Starlight smiled, her eyes gazing around the numerous bottles help in Ocellus’s magical grasp. “Looks like you’re gonna be doing some partying too, huh?”

“Oh yeah, lots of partying,” she tittered. “Well, if you don’t mind, I’ve gotta get back to the scho— er, castle. The castle. Yeah. That’s totally what I meant.”

“Uh… if you say so,” Starlight nodded, an eyebrow raised the whole time. “Well, if you see Ocellus, tell her I said hi. I haven’t seen her all day…”

“I’ll be sure to do that!” Ocellus shouted, panic finally overtaking her as she flew off, her beverages trailing behind her the whole time. Starlight watched as she flew off, before shrugging.

“Eh, wouldn’t be the first time Celestia’s acted a little strange.”

The door to Ocellus’s room swung open, and she quickly sidled in with her haul. Once she was certain nobody had seen her, she slammed it shut and locked up. “I’m back.”

“Alright!” Smolder excitedly shouted. “And you got a lot.”

“Yeah, like, you only had to get a twelve pack, ya know,” Silverstream giggled. “But hey, if we like it then that means we’ll have a lot!”

“Yona want try first!” The resident yak cried out, nearly tackling her changeling friend as she grabbed the bottle on top. “What ‘Kraken’?”

“A rum.”

“Hmmm…” Yona looked at the bottle curiously. It was almost pure black, but as she uncorked it, she could smell what resembled… honey? “Smell like honey. Yona gonna drink now!”

Any warnings from her friends were ignored as Yona chugged basically the entire bottle down in less than ten seconds. The yak let out a ghastly burp, and her friends couldn’t help but break out into laughter.

Of course, that all changed when the door was all but broken open, revealing a very miffed looking Celestia.

“Uh-oh, busted!” Gallus yelled,

“Aha, I thought I’d find you here,” Celestia directed her gaze towards Ocellus. “You’re in a lot of trouble, young lady.”

“O-oh no. I’m not gonna get kicked out of school, am I?”

Celestia seemed to ignore her, continuing on in a firm, yet polite voice. “So there I am, trying to pick up my favorite drinks after a long day at work, and Mr. Cap tells me that I was there not even ten minutes before, and had ordered…” Celestia levitated the receipt close enough to read, “Seven hundred and eighty three bits worth of alcohol.”

“Dude, you disguised as Celestia? That’s wicked,” Gallus interrupted, his fear replaced by awe. “I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“Yes, she did,” Celestia replied. “But you know what the worst part of this is?”

Ocellus gulped. “W-what?”

“You thought you could throw a party… without me!”

“... What.”

“Silly ponies, didn’t you hear? I abolished that silly age limit last year. The new limit is sixteen, so you could have just bought it legally.”

“WHAT?!” They all shouted, equally frustrated.

Celestia didn’t bother replying, instead grabbing her favorite drink and uncorking it. “So, what do you say we all get to know each other a bit?”

“Dude, why are ponies so freaking cool?” Gallus laughed.

“Hey, betcha can’t beat me in a drinking contest, Ocellus,” Smolder challenged her friend.

“You’re on,” Ocellus smiled. Who knows, maybe she’d finally win.

Author's Note

I don't know what I was on when I wrote this. Definitely not my best work, but something to help get those creative juices flowing again.