Pony Plots

by True Edge

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Violence, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Main 6, Drama, Comedy, Self Insert, Sex, Profanity
Length: 41602

Started out as a rando, comedy clopfic, and has evolved into so much more. ;)

I've been in Equestria for a few months now. Long enough to become acclimated in this amazingly open minded and accepting land. Not long enough, though, for me to figure out much beyond how friendly everypony is.
That, and how amazingly horny I’m starting to get. I need to get laid, like, now.
With that thought, and one single pony in mind, I go to get a bit of advice on how best to go about it, and bite off more than I can chew. . . .
When that plot fails, however, and all seems dark, and faith is broken, a shadow comes in the night, to restore hope. She comes with power, and she comes with love. What will happen next? This is not a Clopfic, anymore. This is so much more.
____________________________________________

So, what is this? I don’t even know exactly, anymore. Certainly none of what used to be written here really applies, now. This. . . . This is an ever changing, ever evolving piece of . . . something. Not sure what. It may be funny, may be raunchy, may be smutty, may be sad, may make you angry, may make you happy. In the end, it’s written for passion, and love, and that’s what it shall stand for.
Hope you enjoy! Until next time, Ponies, Harmonia Resurgent!
Cover art by The Internet(No idea, honestly, but whoever they are, they deserve a medal)
Idea spawned through a random conversation with my partner
Completed.

Published 2018-04-21 03:20:16 UTC
Last updated 2019-10-15 18:43:25 UTC

Non-Sequitar: SAY WAHH?!

Non-Sequitar: SAY WAHH?!

What the buck?! A dislike?! NOOOO!!!! Why, Goddess?! WHHHYYY!?!?!

Dude, calm the Everfree buck down! It’s one freakin’ thumbs down! Your LtD ratio is still going strong! You’re acting like it’s the end of the world!

Are you kidding me?! Are you actually bucking kidding me?!?!@>@<FMKSAN

Whoa, nelly! Calm down, your keyboard can’t take it!

Don’t you tell me to calm down! Please! Please my lovelies! I am sorry to have displeased you!!! Please, I’ll do anything! Anything! Just, please, take it back!

. . . . . . Seriously?

Hey, dude, ‘su-Holy Crap on Toast!

Oh, Hi, Dash.

WHHYYYY!?!?!?!

What the hay is wrong with him?

He. . . . just noticed the dislike on the story. . . . .

. . . . . Really? I mean, it’s been there for, like, twenty hours, or something!

I know, I know. I guess he was in denial.

He looks pretty bad.

Ehhh. . . .

Shine shoes? . . . *Sobs* . . . . Uggh. . . . Please. . . .

. . . . I dunno, I’ve seen worse.

Hey, uh. . . . Author dude?

. . . . Yes, o glorious blue one?

. . . . I could get used to this.

Dashie!

SOrry, sorry! Look, dude. . . . I dunno what you’re gettin’ all bent out of shape about. I mean, you are writing a porno-comedy fanfiction based off of a kid’s TV show. On the internet. Did you really not expect to catch some hate for that?

Of course not! My writing is far too good to receive ANY sort of negative review! HOW daaaare they!?
HOW DARE THEY!!! Do they not know?! Do they not see the effort and work that has gone into this?!

Umm. . . . Effort?

Work?

I pour my heart, soul and libido into my keyboard, and THIS is the thanks I get?!

I think that’s probably not too good for your keyboard, dude.

SILENCE, O PETITE AND FUZZY ONE!

Hey! What happened to “glorious”?! >.<

I shall teach them! I shall show them ALL THE POWER OF MY . . . . Something. I SHALL SHOW THEM!!!

Layin’ it on a bit thick there, aren’t you, bub?

SILENCE, PLEB!!!

Oh, buck it. No telling what he’s gonna go do, now.

You don’t think this’ll effect the story, do you?

Not for another six chapters, at least. He’s already got that many written.

He’s still doin’ a chapter a week, right?

DOOM! DOOM, I SAY!!! DOOOOOOM!!!!

Eeyup.

Six weeks? Ah, we’ll be fine then.

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!!!!!!!

Yeah, you’re probably right. Hey, wanna go get a drink?

Sure! I hear the Drunken Clop serves some sick vodka jelly shots!

Sweet!

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Author's Note

Obviously, please don’t take this seriously. Everypony is entitled to their opinion. I and my partner were simply talking about the story’s first dislike, and she made a comment regarding being mildly surprised by how calmly I was taking it, and it led to a lot of jokes about what might’ve been had I taken it badly, which led to this.

Keep on buckin’, ponies!

*Cue Jammin' '80s Rock Song!*

Author's Note

Time once again, my pretties! Hope you enjoy! Until next time, keep on rockin’, ponies! :rainbowdetermined2:

*Cue Jammin' '80s Rock Song!*

Rainbow Dash led the way the next morning. She led the way . . . kinda south-westerly, sorta. The roads in Ponyville were weird, I dunno.

Anyway, she led me through the streets, which were bustling with activity as ponies from all over gathered around to set up their stalls in the market square and get to work on time. I was a bit surprised at how early Dash had told me to be at the park to meet her. It wasn’t typical of her, in the slightest. I never saw her up and about until nearly noon, most days. Like, ever.

But, she had my ass out of bed, dressed, shaved, showered and ready to face whatever she had in store for me by 05:00hrs, maggot! Her words, not mine. So, here I was, jogging along to keep up as she flew ahead of me. I had no idea where we were going, and I said as much.

“Where in the name of sweet Auntie Hel are you taking me, Dash?”

She looked over her shoulder, and I saw her tail twitch, as though to better cover herself. She was being extra defensive about that sort of stuff, and it was kinda cute and kinda hilarious. I wasn’t gonna hit on someone who wasn’t interested, why would I?

She snorted a breath and turned in midair to face me, crossing her hooves over her chest while she adopted a dominant posture. I could have told her that this exposed her crotch and the breasts that lie within, thus ruining her careful posturing of the morning, but I did not. No need to deflate her balloon, and besides. . . I liked eating solid food too much.

“Listen, dingus, you said it yourself! If you wanna have any hope of surviving Pinkie Pie, then you’re gonna need a lot more than just knowledge. If that was all it took, I’d just plop your ass down in Twilight’s library and let you have at some of her books!” She shook her head, vehemently, rainbow mane flipping around her face as she continued flying backwards, oblivious to how much skill it took to do so.

“No, if you wanna stand any chance, you’re gonna need to get your stamina up. And I know just the way to do it!”

I lifted an eyebrow at her. “Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

As I asked the question she turned, leading me around a corner and then stopped before a small building with a connected, fenced off yard. Inside, a whole bunch of ponies jogged around a track, while others lifted weights, worked out on machines, or eyeballed one another. A sign above the front door of the building advertised it as the Ponyville Gym.

I turned and looked at Dash, disbelief plain on my face. “Oh, Goddess. . . “

She snorted, smirking at me with a sideways glance. “Just one question. . . . “

No.

Eeyup.

No!

Too laaaate!

Please, don’t. . . .

“. . . . Do you even lift, bro?”

“Shit.”

And let the montage begin!!! Mwahahahaha!!!!

The human jogged around the dirt track, wearing a dark grey tank top, track shorts and sweatbands on his wrists and head. He stared forward with determination burning in his eyes. His Pegasus trainer flew off to the side, shaking her head slowly.

He pumped iron on the bench, grimacing as his bicep bunched under the strain of the heavy dumbbell. A huge Pegasus with tiny little wings on his back stood to the side, counting, while the sky blue one narrowed her eyes thoughtfully.
And awesomely.

He worked his legs on one machine, strain making blood vessels pop on his forehead, his grimace starting to look less feigned now. His trainer stared at the amount of weight he was pushing, and rolled her eyes, sighing.

He did push-ups, the huge Pegasus once again keeping track of how many, while the blue trainer looked on, pursing her lips. The human collapsed in a sweat soaked pile on the ground and the sky blue Pegasus flew over by her fellow winged pony, glancing at the number of push-ups he had written on a sheet. She groaned visibly and face-hoofed.

“Seriously?! Dude! You’ve only been here an hour!”

I lifted my hand, groaning from where I lay, face down, in the dirt. “Fuck. Off. I am not doing this anymore!”

“Fuck you, dude! You asked for my help! Annnd I seem to recall you agreeing to do whatever I said!”

I could feel the smugness of her grin. I lay there for a long moment, trying to think of some way out of this.

I had nothin’.

“Well, fuck me.”

“No thanks, dude. Now get your flabby ass up, we’re gonna have to take off the filly gloves, here.”

He ran around the track, shirtless, carrying the blue Pegasus on his back, mouth open, screaming for oxygen while she goaded him on by lashing his thighs with her tail, which was surprisingly painful.

He lay on a bench, visibly crying as he was forced to lift a barbell, the big white Pegasus standing as his spotter while his trainer hovered over him, holding a small candle in her hoof, which she would occasionally tip, dripping the wax on his chest. (Kinky, I know. ;) )

He worked the leg machine, screaming into the bit in his mouth, while the cyan Pegasus pulled on the reins that were connected to it, swatting his side with a riding crop! (Oh, come one! Hahaha! That doesn’t even make sense! Yes, it does! How?! Because I say it does!)

He sprinted around the track, eyes burning, teeth gritted, as his feet carried him over the ground in a blur.

He pumped TWO barbells at once!

He broke the machine!

He did so many push-ups, the whole gym lost count!!!!

(. . . . Really? Shut up.)

Finally after much pain and agony, he ran up the steps of town hall and jumped into the air, his clenched fists held up high in victory, while his sky blue trainer stood to the side, making punching motions at the air. “Go get ‘em, Rock. Clean ‘is cock! I mean, clock!”

. . . . . I stopped jumping around like an idiot and glared at the author. First of all, bub, we are so getting sued for that. And, secondly, don’t you ever, ever write me in the third person again! Guugghh!! That was weird, like having an out of body experience!

Oh, stop your whining!

Oh, that’s not whining, thi-

Don’t. I mean it, or I’ll write you in third person for the rest of the story!

. . . . . Fine. Let’s get on with this!

Rainbow Dash blinked, looking around for a puzzled moment, then shook her head as though getting rid of an annoying fly. Probably because she was.

I mean it! Third Person!

Okay, okay, jeez.

“What the hay just happened?” She asked, blinking, and I shrugged.

“I think we just had a sports training montage.”

“Oh. Ok, that’s pretty awesome. I think.” She still seemed confused, so I snapped her out of it.

“So, Dash, how do I look?”

She turned and looked at me, and I saw her jaw drop and her eyes go wide, pupils AND irises both dilating down to tiny pinpricks. I blinked, swallowing pretty hard. “Is. . . I-Is it that bad?!” I asked, honestly concerned that I looked like some kind of freak, like that roid-raging Pegasus who worked at the gym.

She closed her mouth and swallowed, eyes going a bit fuzzy. “Wooow. . . “

“Dash? Dash!”

She snapped out of it, shaking her head and cleared her throat. “Uhh, right, uh. . . No, no, it’s not bad. . . It’s. . . really not bad!” She said, that last coming out a bit breathlessly.

I had to see this, so I headed into town hall. I noticed I was getting stared at, more than usual. A secretary tripped over her own hoof, a stallion spilled a cup of coffee onto his crotch, and Mayor Mare slammed face first into a wall, leaving a smear of drool behind her as she slid down it.

I ran into the bathroom, and froze before the mirror.

Oh, by the Nine. . . .

I. . . . I . . . . .

I was freakin’ ripped!

You’re welcome.

. . . . . Nngh. . . .

I’m sorry, what?

Nngh!. . . . Mmm. . . . Thank you. . . .

Pardon, I couldn’t quite make that out.

I said. . . Thank. . . you. . . .

Hmmm? Come again?

I SAID THANK YOU!!!

Hehehe. You are weeelcooome.

Yeesh, ya don’t have to be so smug about it.

Hahahaha.

And so, I stepped out of the town hall a new man, ready to take on the world, and rut a pink pony into a slavering mess! Hel, if I wanted to, I bet I could rut the whole town into a slavering mess! Fortunately, that wasn’t on my to-do list!

I walked over to Rainbow Dash, smirking, and looked at her. “So, what’s next on the to-do list, teach?”

She cleared her throat, looking me up and down and blew out a breath, a slow smile creeping over her face.

A long minute passed. “Dash? Daaashie? Helloooo? Rainbow Dash!”

She snapped out of it again, and laughed a bit manically, then nodded. “Right! That’s the physical part! Now, it’s time for the less fun side. . . .”

“I’m sorry, I must’ve misheard, did you say less fun? Than that?!”

She nodded. “Yep. Now, we get to go into that most dreaded of places. . . .”

I gulped, feeling a chill run down my spine at the look of sincere horror on her face. “W-W-Where’s that?”

She swallowed, hard, and looked me deep in the eyes.

She opened her mouth, taking a hesitant, fearful breath.

And she spoke, two little words.

“. . . . The Library.”

. . . . . . . . Really?

Can't make an omelette. . . .

Author's Note

Early update due to reasons. Keep your eyes peeled tomorrow, as well though, as I will have something then for you!

Can't make an omelette. . . .

“Really, Dash? The library?!”

“Yeah! That place is freakin’ terrifying, dude!”

“But you love to read!”

She snorted as we walked along the road leading out of town towards Twilight Sparkle’s castle. “Yeah, Daring Do! She’s totally awesome! But that’s like, the ONLY thing I read! Well, that and Wonderbolts Monthly, but that’s mostly just for the pictures. I swear, she is so hot in that uniform. . . .”

“What was that?”

“Nothing! My point is, the library is FILLED with all kinds of books! About everything! And I mean everything!” She looked at me with a frightened twinkle in her eye. “It is a place made for eggheads, by eggheads, and awesome people need not apply! However, it’s also the only place I know of where you can learn about pony anatomy.”

“I think I’m gonna need something a bit more. . . explicit, than some biology textbook, Dash.”

“Ppffft! What do I look like, huh? I ain’t giving you no damn textbook to read!”

“You’re not?”

“Tartarus, no!”

I scratched my head, confused. “Then, what am I gonna study?”

She smirked, chuckling evilly. “Twilight’s stash.”

I pursed my lips, narrowing my eyes. “Her stash? Her stash of what, exactly, Dash?”

She glanced at me like I was an idiot. “Dude. . . I know you’re not that dense.” At my unmoving expression, she groaned and face-hoofed. “Think about it! Twilight is, like, the biggest nerd ever, surrounds herself with books all the time, and spent most of her formative years all by herself in an observatory! What kinda stash do you THINK I mean?!”

I blinked, a long slow one, and then my eyes widened. “Wait. . . Are you saying that Twilight Sparkle. . . .The ever-loving Princess of Friendship. . . . Founder of the School of Friendship. . . . Has a porn stash!?”

“Well, freakin’ duh! I bet she’s never even HAD sex before, dude! I swear, as pent up and nervous as she is, she has to get it out somehow, right?”

I shrugged. “I guess I always just assumed she . . . I dunno, locked it away in her memory palace or repressed it or some shit. I dunno.”

I continued thinking about this as we made our way towards the castle, it’s spires and pennants flapping in the breeze, in the distance. I had to say, now that I thought about it, it made sense. She was a living, breathing mare, the same as any other in Equestria. She had to have urges, and such. But she was an Alicorn Princess! If I started thinking about her looking at porn and jilling one out, then I’d have to think about Celestia or Luna doing the same.

Whelp, too late. Now that image is gonna be with me when I try to sleep tonight.

We finally walked up to the front door of the castle. Dash knocked, while I licked my tooth, rocking back and forth on my heels. The structure was. . . pretty impressive, all things considered. It wasn’t my first time seeing it. Hel, I’d even been inside once, right after I got here.

Thinking about that particular day was a bit off-putting. Not unhappy, mind you, just off-putting. As such, I turned my thoughts to something else. Inevitably, they returned to our reason for being here, and I once again felt a strange blush creeping up my neck.

I just couldn’t picture Twily having a porn stash. It was like being told Santa had a gimp suit. Just. . . no. She always seemed so friendly and innocent. I mean, not that there was anything wrong or evil about having a porn stash, I mean, no one could beat the one I had back on earth prime, as I liked to call it.

But, I think in the end, that was just it. In my mind, Twilight Sparkle was better than me. She was a freakin’ Alicorn Princess, a royal demi-goddess, for fuck’s sake! True, she wasn’t immortal, like the two sisters, but still. . . . The fact that she was, in the end, no different, no better than anyone else, including me, was a little off-putting, as well.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the door opening, revealing a big ol’ steamin’ pile of nothing on the other side. “Uhh. . . .” I slowly panned my eyes downwards, finally spotting the diminutive form of a purple scaled dragon with green fins standing, holding the door open.

“Oh, hi Rainbow, hi Fyren. ‘Sup?” Spike said, casually, smiling up at us both. Dash grinned down at him briefly, before zipping inside.

“Hiya, Spike. Hey, where’s Twilight? We need to talk to her about. . . something.”

Spike was young, but not an idiot, all evidence to the contrary, and he caught the hesitation in the blue Pegasus’ voice as I stepped over the threshold, into the delightfully cool shade of the castle foyer. The little guy shut the door and cocked his head at Rainbow.

“What are you wanting to talk to her about?”

“. . . . . Something.” Dash said, shooting him a sour glare.

Spike lifted his eyebrows and glanced at me, and I just shrugged. I wasn’t sure how open about this sort of thing Equestrians were with their young, but from all accounts, in spite of his teenager attitude, Spike was still considered a baby dragon. It was probably best to ere on the side of caution. As such, I kept my mouth shut, and followed Dash’s lead.

Surely, I had lost my mind, when that was my first decision.

Finally, Spike shook his head, shrugging. “Ok, fine, be all super secretive and stuff. She’s upstairs in her bedroom.”

Dash went to zip off, but then paused. “Uhh. . . . What’s she doin’ up there?”

Spike smirked and rolled his eyes. “She said she was organizing one of her private bookshelves.”

Dash suddenly grinned. A horrible, awful. . . Oh, yeah, made that joke already. A little less laziness, Author!

Bite me!

Tempting, but I might catch something. Like cancer.

. . . Hey, wait a minute, I don’t make that reference for another-

Uhh, what?! What reference?! I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about! Anyway, moving on!

Dashie grinned that grin, and tapped her hooves together. “Perrrrfect. . . . “ She purrrrrred, the look on her face making me more than mildly uncomfortable.

She zipped upstairs, and I looked at Spike, who just shrugged. I copied him, then started ambling up the stairs, my hands in the pockets of my kilt. I wasn’t even a third of the way up the flight when Rainbow zipped back into view, stopping a foot from my face.

“Will you hurry the hay up, dude! And be quiet!” The last was said in an overly dramatic whisper, right before she shot off like a prismatic rocket once again. I blew out an exasperated breath and started following her up the stairs at a light jog, trying to not make too much noise.

I thought Rainbow was crazy, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t hurt me if I screwed up whatever she was planning. In fact, it potentially meant the opposite. So, I stayed as quiet as possible, while also moving as fast as possible upstairs. No mean feat, if I do say so myself.

I met Dash at the end of a long hall, and she led the way down, stopping before a door that looked very much like all the others in the corridor. Seriously, Twily needed to get some freakin’ signposts or something set up with directions on them, this place had a serious case of the Tardis Flu going on. That, or Arthur Weasley had been at it like the trunk of his car. Either way, it did not look that big from the outside.

I quirked an eyebrow as Dash landed softly and, putting a hoof to her lips to demand silence, leaned over and pressed her ear up against the door, her face once more breaking out in that grin.

You know. . . .

. . . . That grin.

Mirroring her, I leaned down, pressing my ear up against the door, uncertain as to what we were doing. Sometimes, I wonder at how oblivious I am. Or is that just a certain author making me look stupid. . . . What, no comment? Maybe he’s worn out from the last chapter.

My thoughts went blank, however, once I got a clear listen at the sounds on the other side of the door.

I heard Twilight’s voice, softly murmuring. I pressed up closer to the door, wondering who she was talking to. It was at that moment, apparently, that she hit a sweet spot, because her voice suddenly came through, muffled but distinct.

”Ohhhh, baby, rut me just like that!”

And my face burst into flame.

However, I could not bring myself to draw away from the door.

”Oh! Oh, yeeesss. . . .Mmf! Oh. . . Sh-. . . Nnggh! Sh-Shining!”

My eyes went wide as saucers. Not only were we indirectly spying on Twilight’s masturbation session, but it involved an incestuous fantasy about her happily married brother! Oh, Goddess, fuck me in the ass with a ten foot dildo.

Dash leered and I saw her hoof reaching for the door knob, even as Twily’s moans started to peak. I reached out with my left hand and grabbed her foreleg, and she blinked up at me.

-What are you doing?!- I mouthed at her, glaring.

-Dude!- She mouthed back, and reached her other hoof for the door. My other hand shot out, grabbing hold, leaving my arms crossed at the elbow. Dash glared daggers at me.

-Let. Go.-

I gulped, and shook my head. She gave a silent snarl, repeating herself. I just shook my head. I mean, no pony, and I mean no pony was more petite, fuzzy and adoracute than Rainbow Dash. True, she might knock my teeth out with a sucker punch if she heard me say it, but I had both her forelegs under control.

What the hell was she gonna do?

I really am an idiot, aren’t I?

Shoving into me, her wings flapping, I found myself staggering back before I could dig my heels into the floor. It took a lot of strength to push back against her, surprising me. Her back hoof lashed out, kicking the door knob, and the door flew open behind her.

She smirked, and suddenly swept her wings in the opposite direction, pulling herself backwards, through the door, the momentum suddenly shifting in the direction I was pushing with all 190 plus pounds of my body weight.

It was at that moment, I knew. . . .

She spun in midair, pushing my left hand up, and pulling my right hand down, the arms, still crossed at the elbows, acting as a fulcrum, levering my body around. My feet left the floor and I was suspended in midair, very, very briefly.

Yep. I fucked up.

I slammed hard into the floor, my head aching, my ears ringing loudly enough that I was barely able to register the sound of Twilight’s shocked gasp from behind us.

My only thought as I lay there, blinking up at the ceiling was: Was that a labai throw?

How the fuck did she know how to do a freakin’ labai throw!?

I slowly sat up, looking at her smug, hovering face with a disoriented glare.

“How the fuck do you know how to do that?!”

She snorted, shaking her head. “Dude. You are talking to the pony who was top of her class at the Wonderbolt Academy!”

I stared for a minute, gears slowly creaking in my still addled brain pan.

Oh, yeah. That’s right.

Due to all the fliers, posters, figurines, coffee mugs and other such merchandise, along with the fact that they were a demonstration and stunt team, I kinda forgot.

The Wonderbolts were part of Equestria’s military.

I slowly lay back down. “Shit.” I said. It was becoming a habit.

Fortunately, my mind didn’t have to dwell on my monumental stupidity for long.

“What the buck are you two doing in here?!”

Oh, yeah. Twilight. I nearly forgot.

. . . without breaking an egghead.

Author's Note

Stop! It’s Clopping Time!
Dooooo, doot-doot-doot, doot-doot-doot, doot-doot-doot!

. . . without breaking an egghead.

I sat up and turned, looking at Twilight where she sat on the big four-poster bed. She had a body pillow hugged up against herself, covering her body from view, but her left hoof was clearly wet, leaving a stain on the satin pillowcase.

There was a smell in the air; rich, deep and musky that did things instantly to my loins. It felt like someone had poured some hot cocoa down my veins and it had pooled in my groin. I gulped, eyes wide as I stared at the princess, speechless for fear that the thoughts that were running through my head would pop out my mouth if I so much as took a breath.

And they were most certainly not thoughts I wanted her to be privy to.

I’m pretty sure imagining bending a member of royalty over and pounding her ass until she screamed was illegal.

Rainbow Dash glanced up at Twily and smirked. “We came over to borrow your porn stash, but seems you were using it.” Twi’s face, already beet red, lit up like a neon sign and she glared at RD angrily.

“I-I ha-have no i-idea w-w-wh-what you are t-t-talki-king ab-b-bout, Rainbow Dash!” Her stutter was amazingly adorable, which was not a thought that should send a spike of lust through my cock.

Rainbow snorted. “Yeah, right, Twi! Then how do you explain all of that we heard through the door, huh?” She pressed her forehooves to her chest-floof and fluttered her eyes, voice going breathy, cracking in an attempt to sound like Twilight.

“’Oh, baby, baby, rut me like you mean it!’ Snrrkahahaha!!!” She burst out laughing, slapping one thigh with a hoof. That always looked like it should hurt, to me, but it didn’t seem to phase her. Twilight was staring, aghast.

“You. . . Y-You heard that?! H-How?! No one’s ever able to. . . .” Her eyes suddenly narrowed dangerously, and I got the impression the heat in her face wasn’t solely from embarrassment, anymore. I gulped, scooting backwards across the floor, as the Alicorn’s horn shimmered. Rainbow was snatched out of the air by a lavender aura of magic, and jerked up to hang, frozen in place, in front of the princess. Her garnet eyes shimmered in sudden fear.

“Rainbow Dash! Were you spying on me?!” The anger in Twilight’s face should have utterly killed my boner, right then and there. But it didn’t. If anything, it raged harder, throbbing hard enough that if I’d been standing, I probably would have fallen to my knees.

Gimme a break, I’d been here for three months and hadn’t had any company but that of my hand for the whole time. And while Lefty is loyal to a fault, he’s not quite the same as an actual person, now is he?

“How dare you! And to bring poor Fyren into this?! You should be ashamed of yourself, Rainbow Dash! What do you have to say for yourself, hm?” With that, Twilight released the pegasus, who flopped to the floor at the foot of the bed, shivering, and tapped her hooves together, while the Princess sat above her, back straight, seeming to tower in spite of her small stature.

She had also sat the pillow aside, and my eyes got a real good look at how slick and wet the hairs of her tail were.

I was so going to be sent to Tartarus before the day was out.

Dashie gulped. “Well, ya see, Twi, i-i-it’s like this. . . .Uhh. . . . Well, Fyre here was asking for my help with. . . er, s-something. . . .”

“Oh?” Twilight frowned, glancing aside at me, and I shifted position, crossing my legs in hopes of hiding the evidence of my arousal until she looked back at Dash. “And what was that?”

Dash continued, still nervous, but her confidence starting to return, now that Twilight seemed to be calming down, at least a little. “Well, you see, he was wanting. . . . Well, he was wanting to learn more about pony anatomy. . . . Specifically mare anatomy. . . . “

Twi’s frown turned puzzled. “W-Why would he want to learn about that?”

“Uhh. . . .”

I took pity on the poor Pegasus. “Because I want to, uh. . . I wanna have sex with Pinkie Pie.” I glanced at Rainbow and saw the look of gratitude on her face. My glance spoke volumes. -You owe me one.-

Twilight, however, noticed none of this interplay, as she was busy choking on . . . air? I think if she’d been getting a drink of water at that moment, we’d have had an awesome spit take. As it was, drool was running from her maw as she attempted to get her larynx back under control. The sight of the strand of saliva dangling from her chin did things to my body that made my head spin and more of those wicked, gonna-get-raped-in-prison thoughts flicker through my mind.

Finally, she managed to get enough air in her lungs to speak. “Are you fucking crazy?!”

Honestly, the curse falling from her lips shocked me more than anything else that day, and really drove home how serious she was. I smiled sheepishly. “No, Twilight. I’m not. I know that I could very well die in the attempt. It’s why I asked Rainbow for help. I knew I needed to build up my stamina, as well as my knowledge on how to please a pony, if I wanted any chance.” I sat up, lifting my arm and flexing my new found muscle. “Well, she already helped me get ripped, so now it’s just a matter of building my working knowledge of a mare’s anatomy.”

She stared at me for a long, silent moment, a look of something bordering on pity in her eyes. “You poor, naive boy.”

I blinked. “Whut?”

She just shook her head, looking down. “You’re clearly determined to go through with this. As such, I feel bound to help you in any way I can, to at least mitigate the damage as much as possible.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but she held up a hoof. “No, Fyre. Don’t say anything. You were right to go to Dash for help with your stamina. She’s the best athlete in Ponyville, maybe even all of Equestria.”

“Maybe?” Dash muttered, but a glare from Twi silenced her. The look softened however, even blooming into a small, embarrassed smile, as she looked back at me.

“And, admittedly, Dash was right to bring you here to expand your knowledge.” Another, softer but no less real glare, set Rainbow Dash, THE Rainbow Dash, to blushing and looking adamantly ashamed of herself. “That said, however, she should have brought you here to ask for my help, rather than to try and steal my porn.”

“We weren’t gonna steal it, Twi, j-just borrow it for a while!”

“Without permission?”

“Errr. . . . M-maybe?”

Twilight sighed, face-hoofing. I held up a hand softly, and Twilight, ever the eager teacher, looked up, nodding. “Yes, Fyre?”

“So. . . . You’re not denying having a porn stash, anymore?” I asked, almost wishing she would deny it, vehemently, and then kick us out of the door so I could go rub one out, thereby exorcising the demons from my brain.

Instead, she gave that sheepish smile again, and toyed with her bed sheets with one hoof. “No, I’m not going to deny it. Why should I? Yeah, it’s a bit embarrassing, and it was most certainly NOT alright, how you two barged in here! But, even so, it is a perfectly natural thing, and nothing to be ashamed of.” She said, looking much more confident by the end of her little speech.

It made my dick throb, and I gulped.

“Uhh, so. . . You’ll let me borrow the porn collection?” I asked, smiling nervously.

“No.” She said, looking down at me, her nostrils flaring as her breathing seemed to get a bit heavier.

I blinked. “N-No? But, then. . . . I thought you said you’d help me?”

“And I intend to, but if you are really determined to try to have sex with Pinkie, then you’re going to need a lot more than simple knowledge.” The look on her face was a strange mixture of fear and eagerness, which sent a jarring thought through my brain that chased all of the others out.

No. It couldn’t be. . . . I had to know for sure. So, feeling like I was signing my death warrant, I opened my big mouth and asked the question.

“What do you mean?”

She took a shaky breath and nodded. “Y-You’re going to need experience. And I’m willing to give it to you.”

I stared, mouth gaping open in shock, brain wiped blank of anything other than her words, when Dash’s laugh broke the silence. “Hahahaha! You?! Like you’ve ever gotten laid!”

Twilight glared indignantly at the Pegasus. “I have so!”

“Oh, yeah? When?”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “On my last visit to Canterlot!”

“With who?!” Rainbow Dash demanded, eyes narrowed in return.

Twilight blushed softly. “I, er. . . I have a, um. . . friend, yes, a friend, in the Solar Guard.” Her blush turned brighter, but her eyes became a bit lidded, and her tongue, small and pink, darted out and licked her lips. “And he is more than happy to help me. . . . tend to myself.” She said, sighing with a smile.

Rainbow gaped, blinking. “W-What?! Are you serious?!” Twilight looked at Dash, frowning.

“Rainbow Dash, I don’t see how it would be any of your business, who I have sex with, and when. Why are you acting like I should have told you?”

“But. . . But I always. . . . I just assumed. . . . “

“What? That I was a hopeless virgin who would die forever alone?”

“Umm. . . . Nooo?”

Twilight face-hoofed and shook her head. “Rainbow, sometimes you can be so infuriating!”

Rainbow just shrugged, and Twilight turned back to me. “So, Fyre. How do you feel, about the idea of my helping you in this way? I don’t want to force you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.” She said, honestly seeming concerned, and it made me hesitate on my answer.

Finally, I spoke. “I just need to know one thing, first. . . . “

She looked at me, her eyebrows raised in question.

“Is Celestia gonna kill me, if I do this?”

She stared for a moment, then pursed her lips. “I doubt it. I was her star pupil, yes, but she understands that I’m a grown mare and am free to make my own choices. She also knows that I’m powerful enough to take care of myself and that I wouldn’t let you do this if I didn’t want to.” She blushed, glancing down at me, and I felt her eyes trail over my whole body this time. She licked her lips again, smiling. “And I do want it, Fyre. Call me weird if you want, but I’ve wanted to know what you’d feel like since I first met you.”

I felt my heart stutter, my stomach drop and my cock throb, all at the same time. It made my head spin.

I stood up slowly, licking my lips, mind coming to terms with what she had said. I could do this. I could have Twilight Sparkle, and nothing bad would happen. A little voice in my head tried saying that was too good to be true, but it was quickly shut down and sentenced to solitary by the raging lust that was rampaging through my mind at that moment.

I smiled, feeling it stretch my face into a dark, sensual leer.

Or, at least, I hoped it was dark and sensual, and not just creepy.

“Ok, then. I want it to, Twily.” I saw her shudder at the nickname, the one her brother always called her. I remembered what I had overheard at the door, and my leer turned into a smirk. I walked over to the bed, standing up to my full height. With her sitting up on the bed and me standing, it put our heads at about equal height, mine perhaps a bit above hers. Still, it gave me the perfect angle.

I walked right up to her, and reached out, grabbing her mane firmly but gently. I leaned in, and kissed her.

No, not just kissed. I freakin’ ravaged her mouth, my tongued slipping out and licking across her lips and teeth, demanding entry. I felt her stiffen at first, but then she melted against me, opening her maw to me without any argument, a low moan sounding in the back of her throat as I pressed my mouth into hers.

It felt weird, but in no way did it feel bad. It was. . . .different, from anything I’d experienced before, but that, too, was more than alright. I leaned into her, enjoying the feeling of the soft fur around her lips as my tongue danced a tango in her mouth. But it took two to tango, and I flicked her own my muscle with mine, goading it to life.

As she rose from her surprise, her tongue began to lash at mine. I felt one of her hooves slip around behind me, sliding up my back to play with my braid where it hung down between my shoulder blades. Her other hoof slid down, playing around the waistband of my kilt, and my breathing got heavier.

I slid my other arm around her back, and felt her wings, at full mast behind her, in the midst of the mother of all wingboners. I ran my fingers along the edges of the soft feathers, and she gasped into the kiss, shivering. Smiling, I pinched the bony ridge along the outside of her wing, and she jerked, her mouth leaving mine as a moan of pleasure was torn from her throat.

I smirked, leaning down and beginning to nibble, lick and kiss along her throat, while my hand continued to fondle and massage her wing. She twitched and shuddered and moaned like a slut at my treatment of her, and it made my cock throb all the harder. That smell was everywhere, permeating the air around me. The smell of an aroused mare, and it made me nuts.

I shifted, pushing her back, until she lay down on the bed, panting, face flushed, eyes heavy lidded as they stared at me from behind her lashes. Her legs spread open without being asked, and there it was.

Her pussy was puffy, the lips swollen with need. As I watched, something odd happened; it twitched, opening and closing at one end in a rapid movement that revealed a slick, wet button of pink flesh from inside the dark, blue-black folds. I knew immediately that must be her clit. I assumed the odd ‘winking’ effect was a circumstance of her arousal, and, the more I watched it, the more it began to turn me on.

Above that dripping love tunnel was her breasts, small and pert, nipples erect from the situation and the kiss, and just below her sweet sex was her anus, an equally puffy donut of pony flesh that was just begging to be played with. However, that might come at a later time. For now. . . .

I climbed into bed, sliding her back across the sheets a bit so I was comfortable, and then I bent down, looking up into her eyes as they followed me, widening in anticipation as I leaned forward over her groin. I lightly nuzzled over her breasts, smiling as she twitched at the feeling. My tongue flicked out, skipping over one nipple, the hard little bead of flesh hardening a bit at the contact.

I glanced up at her sigh of pleasure, and smiled at her, moving down slightly, so I was positioned above her sex. My breath washed over it, and I saw her take a breath at the feeling.

Smiling, I looked down into the epicenter of that delicious smell. It was drooling everywhere, each wink of the fleshy folds sent a fresh stream of her hot mare-slick cascading down, over her ponut, across her dock and through the silky strands of her tail. I licked my lips, and then, without hesitation, dove in.

The taste was . . . amazing. Girls back home weren’t all that great, to the taste buds, and it was really easy to tell if they hadn’t cleaned themselves regularly or recently. This, though. . . . It tasted like it smelled, rich, musky and oh, so divine. My tongue ran a long, slow drag from her clitoral hood down to the bottom of her sex, and then back up, where it played circles around her button. Her pussy seemed to contract, staying winked open for a long moment, leaving her clitoris available for my ministrations.

I leaned in, taking it into my mouth, suckling at it, before clinching it gently between my teeth. Her back arched, eyes going unfocused as a shudder ran through her body, more juices streaming out over my chin. I didn’t think this was a full blown orgasm, not yet, at least.

I sucked harder on her sensitive little button, pulling it in, nipping lightly, and flicking my tongue across it. She moaned, forehooves pressed into her own chest-floof, back arching, hips driving her slit into my mouth, tail flicking, painting my bare chest with her sex fluids.

I slid my hands under her sexy rump, lifting it and bracing it, like the table I was dining from, and slipped my mouth off of her clit, earning a disappointed sigh, which quickly morphed into a scream of ecstasy as I slid my tongue between her nether lips and started working it around inside of her.

I had become vaguely aware of Rainbow Dash, who had flown up to sit on the side of the bed a few feet away from us, sitting back against one of the bedposts, mouth open, wings spread wide and one hoof working at her own sex. Apparently, she was enjoying the show.

I smirked, running my tongue from base to top and back, before leaving Twi’s pussy behind, kissing and licking across her belly and chest, before I kissed her. Twilight’s tongue happily lapped at the inside of my mouth, tasting her own juices on my tongue. My cock was throbbing, and it needed release. But, as a new citizen of Equestria, it was my duty to service my princess, and her needs should of course “come” before my own.

Damn, that pun was so bad it could nearly distract one from the awesome sexiness going on!

Shut up, Author, I’m busy!

I broke the kiss, a string of drool connecting our mouths for a moment, before I quickly moved down, taking the Alicorn’s clit once more between my teeth, sucking and nipping. She responded with the same level of enjoyment as she had before, but I was going to end that, quickly enough.

I slid one hand around, playing my fingers lightly over her sex, thinking that she had probably never felt anything like them, before. She shivered at the touch, which was all well and good, but my guess was proven right in the next moment, as I slid one finger inside her warm, twitching tunnel. It felt like hot, wet velvet around my finger, and the thought of my cock buried inside of it nearly tipped me over the edge.

It did tip Twilight over, or at least, my finger did.

One minute she was moaning, working her hips into my face and just in general enjoying her tongue job, and the next her whole body went stiff like it had hit a live wire, her hips spasmed, slamming her cunt into my mouth as her head went back, a scream spilling from her throat as she literally exploded, spouting the sweet, musky nectar of her pleasure all over my face, neck and chest.

I pulled back, afraid I might drown in the flood, and watched, smiling cockily as she rode her orgasm from one peak to another. I wiggled my finger inside of her, watching her body jerk and twitch at the sensation. I pumped the digit in and out of her at a steady pace, watching as it built on her high, tipping her over the edge again. My hand became thoroughly soaked, her whole body twitching in lustful pleasure, her eyes rolling up as small, whimpering sighs issued from her parted muzzle.

Finally she slowly came down, her body relaxing, and I gently slid my finger out of her, the sensation causing her to shiver in pleasure and sigh, softly. After a few moments, she opened her sweet, violet eyes and looked fuzzily up at me, smiling through a fog of pleasure.

“Wow.” She said, and I smirked.

“That good, was I?”

She just panted softly, staring up at the canopy of her bed. It was then we became aware, again, of the laboured panting and moaning from the other side of the bed. Both our heads turned, and I got my first good, unobstructed look at Rainbow’s pussy. The flesh was a lighter colour by far than Twilight’s, but it was still darker than the fur that surrounded it. It was swollen, heated with need, and her hoof was roughly rubbing at it. It looked, again, like something that should hurt, but the pleasured look on the Pegasus’ face made it clear she was enjoying herself.

I couldn’t help but think it, that I could help her enjoy herself more, and I was evidently not the only one.

Twily’s magical aura once again grabbed hold of the winged pony, and pulled her over the bed, laying her down to rest at the head of the bed amongst Twi’s pillows. The Alicorn released her to flop back into the comfy nest, and the Pegasus blinked.

I would say she blinked owlishly, but that might be taking the puns too far, even for me.

Twilight rolled over onto her belly, and then slithered forward, towards Rainbow Dash, who’s eyes cleared a bit of their arousal, widening with a small spark of fear. “Uh, T-Twilight? What’re you-gaahah!!” Her words were cut off in a gasp as Twilight nuzzled the inside of her thigh and ran her tongue across the edge of the blue Pegasus’ dripping slit. I felt my poor, ignored cock throb hard and loud, and gulped.

“Shush, Rainbow.” Twilight said, and I could hear the smirk in her voice, even though I couldn’t see it. “I’m going to give you something better than your hoof.”

“B-B-But I don’t-ahh!” Again, Twily cut her off with a flick of her tongue.

“Rainbow, don’t lie. We all know that you’re into mares. It doesn’t matter, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Rainbow blinked down at her, grinding her teeth. “But. . . I . . . I always worried you’d think I was weird, or you’d be uncomfortable around me. . . .”

Twilight nuzzled her thigh again. “For my part, Rainbow, I live in a castle with two other mares, one of whom I am very close with. You honestly thought I hadn’t done things like this, before?”

Rainbow rubbed the back of her neck, blushing, and I shifted my position, where I could watch both of them. Rainbow shot me a look, as though just then remembering I was there.

I held up my hands as though to say -I’m not even here!-

Another small lick from Twi made the Pegasus’ eyelids flutter, and she glanced down at the Alicorn, who smiled up at her.

“And, as for the one I know you’re really worried about. . . . I don’t know how Applejack would feel. I think she is the only one of us who is a bit oblivious about it. . . .” I saw Rainbow’s ears droop, and she looked away, before a soft nuzzle to her thigh brought her rosy eyes back to her friend.

“Dash, we’re your friends, all of us. And no matter what, I know that we’ll all still love you.”

I saw Dash’s face almost break, before she glanced away and cleared her throat, then looked back at Twilight with her patented smirk on her face. “Well, of course you will! I mean, this is me, we’re talkin’ about!”

For the first time, I realized how much of Dash’s confidence was a mask, put up to hide her worries and insecurites from those around her.

Twilight smiled softly, kissing her friend’s thigh once more. “You bet, Rainbow. Best flier, and friend, in all Equestria.” Rainbow blushed, touching Twi’s mane softly, mask cracking once more.

“Thanks, Twi. Thanks a bunch.”

D’awwwww!

I think I’m diabetic now.

I know, right?!

Ok, back to the fun stuff before we forget this is supposed to be a porno-comedy!

Twilight smiled softly up at Rainbow, then slid her face down and slicked her tongue across the Pegasus’ netherlips. The winged pony relented, finally, and her back arched, head tipping back as a pleased moan issued from her mouth. Twilight worked her friend over with the kind of love and care she deserved, and it wasn’t long before Rainbow was grinding her hips into the Alicorn’s face, groaning and panting.

With a shuddering jerk, the Pegasus stiffened all over, eyes rolling back into her head as a long, low moan came from her. I watched her pussy overflow, flooding Twilight’s mouth with her mare-cum. The Alicorn was braver than I had been, staying with her face buried in the other mare’s slit, eating and lapping at her as she flew on the currents of orgasm.

After several long moments, Rainbow finally started coming down, giggling a bit in uncontrollable happiness as her body felt the afterglow of euphoria. Twily wasn’t done, however, and kept planting small, soft kisses along the blue Pegasus’ sex.

The purple Alicorn looked up at me, and shifted, coming up onto her rear legs, causing her ass to stick up into the air. She lifted her tail, flipping it, and wet drops of her juice spattered my chest and face, catapulted by her movement. She looked me in the eye, a sultry smile on her face, and winked.

“I’m going to keep tending to Dash. While I do, how about you ditch that kilt and rut me like a stallion?”

I felt my breath catch, and then I leered, sitting up and quickly removing my kilt. All six and half inches of my cock sprang into view, and I saw both mares stare at it, gulping. Normally, I wouldn’t think of it as being all that special. I mean, it wasn’t that far from average, at least back home. But, I suppose when dealing with magical pastel ponies, the biggest of whom, that I had met, wasn’t much larger than a Great Dane, it was pretty good sized.

Considering neither of these two would ever be considered anything other than ‘petite’, even by their own kind’s standards, I’m sure it probably looked huge. Sheesh, Rainbow’s head barely came up to my hip when she was on all fours, and Twily was only an inch or so taller.

The thought made my lust peak once more. I had always had a thing for size differences.

I threw the kilt aside and moved across the bed, so I was kneeling behind Twilight. I admired the view for a moment, but couldn’t not touch. I mean, can you really blame me?

My hands came to rest on her ass cheeks, and I heard her take a short breath, even as Rainbow’s sudden low sigh made it clear the Alicorn had gone back to work on her sex.

I massaged the sexy lavender plot in front of me with my hands, working my fingers into the soft fur and the plump flesh beneath. Twily was no athlete, but she wasn’t in bad shape, either. She wasn’t muscular, or terribly strong, although she wasn’t too soft. Basically, she was average, I guess. In that moment, though, after three long months of being in this world without any hope of getting laid, she had the body of a fucking fertility goddess.

I spread her soft cheeks, admiring the view, and couldn’t help but wonder how much it would jiggle. . .

I couldn’t resist, and drew a hand back and lightly slapped one plump rump-cheek. Twilight gasped and shivered, pushing her ass back at me, and I smiled, doing it again.

“You like that, Twily?” I asked, not really thinking about what I called her.

She stiffened, shivering, and I heard her voice, throaty with need. “Y-Yes, Shining. . . .”

Whoa!

Kinky.

Ok, I could get into this.

With a smirk, I smacked her ass again, rubbing the cheek with my palm, watching it jiggle a bit. “Have you been a bad filly, Twily? Does your brother need to punish you?”

She groaned into Rainbow’s crotch, the other mare tipping her head back as the sound reverberated through her sensitive folds. “Oh, y-yes. . . Please, br-brotheeerr. . . . “

Twilight looked over her withers at me, eyes glazed and face flushed. She blinked, looking at me, and I saw her ears droop a bit, in recognition of how weird she must be coming across. I leaned forward, one hand still stroking her butt, while the other petted her mane soothingly. “It’s ok, Twi. Nothing wrong with having a fetish, and nothing bad about having a bit of roleplay in bed.” I winked, and she smiled softly, before turning back to Rainbow with renewed vigour.

I sat back on my heels, petting her ass a bit more, before stroking one hand up her tail, feeling the wet, slightly sticky residue of her earlier pleasure on the strands of hair. I slipped my hand down to the base of her tail, feeling that small patch of bare flesh on the underside, just above her anus. I stopped and ran my thumb over it for a moment, watching her wings stiffen a bit more in pleasure, and smiled, filing it away for future reference.

Then, I took a firm grip on the base of her tail, making sure it stayed up and out of the way, and leaned forward, rising up on my knees. With a shaky breath, I used my free hand as a guide, and pressed the head of my cock against her slick, wet folds, and then leaned forward.

The ease with which it slipped in surprised me, causing me to get about halfway inside without even realizing it, until her inner walls suddenly clamped down on me like a warm, wet, velvet vice. She moaned, wings fluttering, and I shut my eyes for a minute, breathing heavily as I got myself accustomed to the amazing feeling of being inside of her.

I was, wasn’t I?

I was inside the Princess of Friendship.

Holy shit, I was fucking Twilight Sparkle.

I felt a jolt of adrenaline course through my veins, as I slapped her ass again, her muffled groan and Rainbow’s stuttering pants egging me on as I drew my cock out of her until only the tip remained. I stayed like that for a moment, moving my hips in tiny circles, slipping the head of my dick in and out of her, teasing us both, before, with a grunt, I grabbed her by the hip and thrust myself hard into her.

My body slapped into hers, her ass jiggling sexily from the impact, as I bottomed out in her, feeling the tip just barely brushing her cervix. The petite princess threw her head back, momentarily forgetting about Rainbow as her eyes rolled back and a yelp came from her throat.

I looked up, gulping. “Y-You alright, Twilight?” I asked, through gritted teeth.

After a couple of panting breaths, she nodded. “Y-Yeah, Fyre. . . And. . . C-Call me ‘Twily’, please?” Her voice was small, still a bit embarrassed about this very personal kink of hers. I smiled a bit. “Sure thing. . . Sis.” I said, and she shivered.

The feeling of it was all I needed. I leaned forward, petting her mane while gently guiding her head back down to Rainbow’s snatch, and then I moved back to position, got a firm grip on her again, and drew my cock out, only to thrust it back in again, just as deep. I set the rhythm, not fast, not slow, just steady and strong.

The sounds in the room were enough to drive me nuts. My hips slapping against her ass. My balls smacking her pussy with light pops. The slight sucking, squelching sound made as her dripping cunt tried to cling to my cock. The wet sounds of her giving Dashie the mother of all tongue lashings, and the moans, grunts and pants of all three of us, lost in our own pleasure.

It wasn’t long, before I heard Rainbow’s cracking voice. “Oh, C-Celestia, Twi. . . R-Right there! Don’t y-y-ou dare stop!” I saw her eyes rolling up, wings twitching and spasming, and then her back arched, and she came, again, a silent scream twisting her face as she shuddered and jerked.

The sight and smell of all that sweet mare-cum flooding the room was like a jolt of lightning, and I felt my pace pick up. I ran my hand up Twily’s back, massaging her wings softly, watching her twitch and arch her back into my touch.

“Oh, Goddess, Twily, you’re beautiful.” I heard myself say, and could not take it back. She really was a beauty. I felt more than saw her blush, and definitely felt the very deliberate feeling of her pussy clenching around my cock as she tightened her muscles.

I groaned, leaning back to get a better angle as I slammed my shaft into her body over and over again.

I was beginning to feel a growing sensation in my stomach. I knew what it meant, and it was going to be a big one.

I bit my lip, my rhythm stuttering for a moment. “Tw-Twily! I. . . nnggh, I’m gonna cum!”

She threw her head back, looking at me from one big, violet eye. “Yes! Yes, cum for me! Cum for me, Shining!” She begged, her eyes drifting shut as she lost herself utterly to her fantasy. Somewhere down deep, I felt a little flicker of warmth at the thought that I could help her come to terms with this fantasy she knew she could never really have.

Growling in pleasure, I smacked her ass again. “You want your big brother’s cum? Yeah, you want me to paint your womb with it?”

“Oh, fuck yes! Cum in me! Cum in your sister!”

I groaned, grabbing her ass firmly and started literally pounding that tight, pony pussy as fast and hard as I could. She started making a high pitched, half scream, half moan which was turned into a staccato beat by how much her body shook with each jarring thrust I made into her.

“Here it comes!” I yelled, and then bottomed out in her with a loud, guttural moan. My balls tightened up, and spilled the biggest load I had potentially ever had into her, literally filling her to the brim. I felt some start dripping out around my shaft.

However, I was a bit preoccupied to notice all of this, as, even through the rush of my own orgasm, I heard Twilight scream. “Oh, fuck, Shining, YES!”

I looked at her through the clench of my climax to see her whole body arching up off the bed. She had both forehooves pressed into her chest floof and only Rainbow’s hooves on her withers kept her from falling on top of the blue Pegasus, who stared up at her through foggy eyes like she was a goddess in mortal form.

In that moment, I think I was looking at her like that, too.

Her horn glowed and sparked, the magic sending out little bursts that actually sent random books and trinkets clattering to the floor or flipping cartwheels through the air. Her mane practically floated around her as she shuddered, jerked and screamed in pleasure.

My own orgasm had ended, my sack emptied of it’s payload, but hers kept going, until she was hanging, suspended, tongue lolling from an open mouth as she jerked and shuddered in pleasure.

She finally, finally started coming down from it, body going utterly limp as she collapsed into Rainbow.

I drew out of her, watching her shudder at the sensation, and she slid down Dash’s body until her head was resting on the Pegasus’ thigh. Her eyes were half open, but they weren’t seeing anything in front of her.

I looked up at Dash, and watched her yawn with a smile, and a warm, content look on her face. With that, she burrowed down into Twilight’s pillows, eyes sliding shut while one hoof stroked the other mare’s mane.

Holy shit.

I had just fucked an Alicorn Princess.

Into a stupor!

Maybe my quest wasn’t as hopeless as it seemed!

However, right now, I really, really needed to get cleaned up. Looking around, I spotted an open door which clearly led into a bathroom. Getting up to weak legs, I staggered off to wash myself up. . . .

Arc I
~Fin~

Enter Mission I

Author's Note

I actually wrote this BEFORE the last chapter, so if there are any inconsistencies, blame it on that. :raritywink:

Enter Mission I

I staggered out of the bathroom and stopped, looking at Dash and Twily where I left them on the bed. Dash out like a lamp, snoring, her legs and wings spread wide, pussy still glistening wetly and winking slightly from the heat of her arousal, and the number of times she had climaxed under Twilight's tender ministrations.

On the part of the lavender Alicorn, the Princess of Friendship was still conscious, but only barely, her eyes closed to slits and drool running form her partially opened mouth, pooling on Dashie's inner thigh where her head was pillowed. Her pussy was gaping slightly, loose and worn from the pounding I had given it. My cock was still a bit sore and sensitive from it.

I gulped, not believing what had just happened. Still, it had been quite eye opening, in regards to pony anatomy. The reason for our visit had certainly been met, in spades.

I was contemplating simply joining the two mares in the bed, when I heard a sudden clatter from behind me. Whirling, I found myself looking down at a light blue unicorn with a flowing mane that was an even lighter blue, who had fallen out of the interior of Twilight's closet, and was staring up at me, upside down from her back, blinking large blue eyes at me in shock and panic.

My eyes narrowed. "Spying, Trixie?"

Regaining her composure as quickly as possible, she harrumphed and crossed her forelegs over her chest, sticking her nose up in the air with a sneer. "The Great and Powerful Trixie does not spy. She simply observes things." She opened her eyes again, gulping, and bit her lip. "Although, this is the f-first time I've seen . . . that." She said, looking over at the bed.

"Really? I gathered that Twi 'tended to herself' on a regular basis."

"Well, yes, of course she does. . . Not that Trixie would have been watching her doing so!"

"Right. Of course not." I said, not believing a single damn thing the snooty uni had to say.

She made a low sound under her breath, still chewing softly on her lip. It was then I noticed that the smell of aroused mare, which I had passed off previously as being simply left overs from the fuck-fest of the last hour, was in fact quite strong, and was emanating from the unicorn lying in front of me. Glancing down, I saw how tightly she was clenching her rear legs, but it didn't hide the wet, glistening juice dribbling down over her plot and across the hairs of her tail.

I smirked, feeling my cock stirring once more. "Would you like to reenact what happened?" I asked, smirking, and she looked up at me, eyes wide, and gulped.

"W-W-What?! I, er, I mean. . . The Great and Powerful Trixie has no need for such. . . base. . . debauched. . . dirty. . . sexy. . . . Grrrr, OKAY, FINE!!!" She gave a panting, exasperated, horny grunt, and her legs shifted apart, revealing her dripping, rapidly winking cunt.

That pretty much assured my dick was at full attention, and my smile turned dark as I reached down, picking the slender unicorn up, hefting her in my grasp and bracing her weight across both of my arms. She gave a startled squeak and wrapped her forehooves around my neck, glaring at me. "W-Warn Trixie before doing that again, p-please!"

"Oh, but of course!" I said, looking around, and walked over to the vanity in the corner. I used a foot to shove the chair around until it was facing out into the room proper, and then I sat her down in it, on her back, legs spread, and knelt in front of her. Technically, she was as wet as she needed to be right now. But I wanted a taste and, besides, it couldn't hurt to learn a bit more about mare anatomy.

She was watching me with wide eyes as I smirked up at her, and leaned forward, breathing softly across the sensitive, over-heated flesh of her pussy. Her winking picked up speed along with her breathing, and a bead of her nectar dripped out, running down over her tail.

There was no way in either Hel or Tartarus I was going to ignore that, and I bent down and ran my tongue up and over the bit of soft flesh on the underside of her tail and right over her anus. She jerked, sucking in a sharp, gasping breath at the contact, and I flicked my eyes up, smirking at the shocked and aroused look on her blushing face.

I paused, running my tongue around the ring of that slick ponut, lapping up the succulent sex juices that had run across it, eyes staying on hers the entire time. Her eyelids fluttered, her breathing coming in short, sharp gasps while her forehooves were pressed in an amazingly adorable way to her chest-floof.

My cock throbbed at the sight, smells and tastes I was experiencing, and I momentarily thought about sitting up and fucking that tight little plothole, but that would have meant standing up, and I was pretty sure my legs weren’t quite up to that. Not to mention my dick was still so sore from my “encounter” with Twi and Dash that I was pretty sure trying to force it, without lube, into a young pone’s virgin ass would have probably caused me to black out.

And the fact that ass was virginal was beyond question. Both Trixie’s reaction to my treatment of it, and the sheer tightness of the little pucker as I ran my tongue over it made it abundantly clear. I whirled my tongue over it once more, then leaned in, pressing my lips to her donut and pushing my tongue against it, feeling it slip inside slightly.

“O-Ohh, Celestia!” She gasped, body stiffening up all over, as she looked down at me with wide eyes, trembling all over, mouth hanging open. Her tongue slipped out of her mouth slightly, and I smiled, moving my head back and forth, wiggling my tongue into her ass deeper. The taste was. . . cleaner, than I was expecting in one way, but in another, given how arrogant the unicorn was, it only made sense she probably cleaned herself up really thoroughly. Nonetheless, there was a distinct musky flavour that I was sure many would probably not appreciate. I didn’t mind it though, and in my aroused state, everything felt amazing.

Still, all good things comes to an end, and I slowly pulled back, dragging my tongue out of her ass, leaving a string of drool dangling between my lips and her ring, which broke and joined the now veritable stream of pussy juice running down from her rapidly winking cunny.

The sight and smell of it, along with the look on her addled, drooling face, bright red with an amazingly intense blush, drove all thought of anything else out of my mind. Standing, I leaned forward, bracing one hand on the back of the chair, and pressed the tip of my cock against her pussy, using my hand to pull the foreskin back as I did. The head of the shaft was instantly coated in her hot, slick juices, and the feeling drove me nuts.

Without hesitating, or pausing to admire the way she shivered at the touch of my cock, I thrust my hips and slid half my cock into her warm, wet love tunnel in one smooth, fast stroke. My head went back, a grunt leaving my lips as my eyes fluttered. I heard her gasp and then moan, felt her rear legs wrap around my waist, squeezing as though to pull me in closer, and I obliged, another pump of my hips bottoming me out in her, my hips smacking her ass while my balls slapped wetly against her moist anus.

The feeling was apparently too much for the overstimulated mare, who went stiff as a board, every muscle in her body clenching taut as a drum. And I mean every. Freakin’. Muscle. My teeth clenched and a groan left me as her pussy locked down tight, milking me even as it started squirting stream after stream of slick, hot mare-cum all over my thighs, balls and her tail and the chair. Her body twitched and jerked and spasmed, rocking through her orgasm until it reached it’s end, leaving me on the edge of my own, and soaked from the crotch down with her pleasure.

Her body slowly relaxed, her pussy still winking occasionally, but it loosened it’s grip on my cock as she melted into a puddle of delighted fuzz under me. I was just contemplating starting to pound her properly, when there was the sound of a throat clearing from the door.

Turning, I saw another unicorn, this one a light lilac colour with large purple eyes and a mane of the same deep shade, but highlighted with a minty blue streak. It made me think of toothpaste, strangely. I had never met her before, but I had the feeling I knew who this was. Starlight Glimmer, reformed villain turned Twily’s best friend and confidant. Oh, and her protege and apparent magical equal.

She was standing, leaning against the doorframe, staring at me with a smug smile on her face. “Well, hello, there.” She said, in a confident tone which sent a small thrill up my spine.

“Uh. . . Hi.” I said, ever the master conversationalist. Cut me a break, I was balls deep in a twitching Trixie.

Starlight snickered softly, glancing over at the bed and lifting her eyebrows. “Damn. I haven’t seen Twi that out of it since I introduced her to the Magic of Double-Ended Vibrators.”

“. . . . Whut?” I said, the mental image that conjured completely nullifying any residual cognizance I may have once possessed. She smirked, laughing out loud this time.

“You must have fucked her just as good as you did my little pet, there.” She said, licking her lips as she casually walked over, leaning around my hip to get a good look at Trixie’s semi-conscious form. Her mane brushed my skin and I felt a spark of intense arousal run through me. Holy shit, what was this mare made of, condensed lust?

She glanced up at me, then down at where my cock was throbbing inside her ‘pet’. “Oh, dear, I see. YOu didn’t finish! I am so sorry, I just assumed. . . “ Her apology seemed, oddly enough, to be quite genuine, and she even took a step back, before pausing. The smile returned to her face. “Hmm. That gives me an idea. A wonderful. . . .awful idea.”

“C-Careful. . . . “ I managed to grind out. “N-N-Not sure if that’s copyrighted or not.”

She giggled, covering her mouth, her sexy, sexy mouth with one hoof, and winked at me. With her eye, not her pussy. I couldn’t even see that, seeing as she was facing me and. . . ya know what, not important, right now.

“Tell you what, big guy. How about you just keep going, and rut this little bitch until you fill her up, hm?“ She said, walking over behind me with a sultry sway to her hips and a burn in her eyes. She pressed her hoof into the small of my back, while she leaned forward, her warm breath feeling super cold on the heated, wet skin of my cock where it rested in Trixie’s pussy.

Following her advice, the gentle push of her hoof and the urging of my own aching need, I gave in and started thrusting my hips again, panting as they struck Trixie’s wet thighs with small popping noises, a wet sucking sound following as they drew away from her juice drenched fur.

My speed picked up until I was hammering into her, and she was lying, tongue hanging out of a wide open mouth, eyes rolled up in her head, breath coming in short sharp bursts in time with my thrusts, and a low, keening whine coming from the back of her throat.

The sight of her like that, and Starlight’s warm breath blasting my cock with each withdraw, drove me off the edge, and my back arched, slamming me to the hilt in the frosty blue unicorn’s cunt. My balls drew up, and I emptied my load into her. I had no idea how I still had anything left in me, after earlier. The magic of Celestia or Anime, one or the other. I dunno. Anyway. . . .

“Goooood booy.” Starlight said, and I looked down to see her staring with unbridled (Haha, get it!? Kill me. Eenope.) lust at where my body melded with Trixie’s. “Now, pull out, and let me have a little taste. . . .”

My brain went even blanker than it already was, and I slowly pulled back, my already softening cock slipping out in a flood of mixed juices, my own thick, white cum and Trixie’s nearly clear, runny ejaculate. Starlight wasted no time, and bent down, lapping at the flood that poured out of Trixie’s cunt, and the other unicorn perked up enough, her unfocused eyes opening enough to blink blearily up at the ceiling. “M-Mistress. . . ?” She mumbled, and I gulped, a small smile playing over my stupefied face.

Then, Starlight turned and, without pausing even a second, took my semi-erect, cum drenched cock into her muzzle. My head jerked back, my hips bucking, pushing it deeper into her maw, while I nearly screamed. My flesh was so hyper-sensitive at this point, it felt like nothing I could ever describe to have that sexy muzzle sucking my dick clean.

And, somehow, I got hard again. There was no way in Hel’s sweet, cold embrace I had anything left inside my sack, by my cock didn’t seem to care. All it cared about was the amazing sensations it was experiencing. My knees buckled, and I fell to them, groaning, slowly tipping backwards onto the floor. Starlight followed me down, mouth never once leaving my cock.

I glanced down with what energy I could muster, and nearly blacked out at the amazingly sexy image that greeted me: Starlight had her ass stuck up in the air, tail lifted, back legs stiff while her chest-floof rested on my thigh. One hoof was cupping my balls, the soft frog on the underside of it feeling amazing against the soft, silky skin. The other hoof was not visible, that leg disappearing underneath her body, and I was pretty sure I knew where it was and what it was doing. Her head was bobbing rapidly up and down, wet slurping and sucking noises accompanying the amazing feeling of her hot mouth around my dick.

I wanted to keep watching, it was so hot, but I just did not have the energy, and I knew that I wouldn’t be coming any time soon. In spite of the absolutely jaw-dropping feeling of this blowjob, there wasn’t a single peep out of my sack. My head flopped almost painfully back onto the rug covered floor, and I decided that maybe not coming again wouldn’t be so bad, so long as that delicious mouth wouldn’t stop.

She kept sucking me, occasionally lifting her mouth off my cock with a low popping sound to lick and kiss at the sensitive head, or move her head down to do the same to my balls. Much as I wanted to watch her do that, it just wasn’t happening. Instead, I managed to lift my hand and brought it down to rest on her head, feeling the silky smoothness of her mane, and the hard, ridged bone of her horn. I started stroking the latter, and I heard her moan in pleasure.

Her mouth went back over my cock, plunging once more into the velvet hot house of BJ paradise, and I let my eyes flutter shut. After several more minutes of this, my hand idly, weakly fondling her horn, and those oh-so heart-stopping sounds she was making, I felt her stiffen, then her mouth popped off my dick, leaving it cold in the room temperature air, and she cried out. I managed to lift my eyes to see her as she nuzzled her face in against my inner thigh, her nose pressed against my ball sack as she shuddered and twitched in orgasm, her breath coming in deep, short bursts as her eyes rolled up.

It was too much, and my head fell back to the floor, and I simply lay there, as my abused shaft slowly went flaccid, dripping saliva and nothing more on the floor as it did. Twilight would need to replace the rugs in here. That was my last thought before unconsciousness claimed me. . . .

Mistakes Were Made

Author's Note

Testing, testing, is this thing on?

Gah! What?! Who?! What the hay was that?! Who's there?!

Oh! Oh, dear, I didn't expect you to be here!

What?! Why wouldn't I be-?! Wait, you look a lot like-

Uh-oh! Drastic measures!

*Snap!*

. . . . Duuuhhh. . . . . .

. . . . . . Whaaaa. . . . !!!! . . . . What?! What happened?! Where am I?!
Oh. . . Oh, I'm just. . . Weird, I feel like. . . . .
Huh.
Probably nothing.

Mistakes Were Made

Arc II
"To The Prettiest One"
__________________________________

I felt amazing! Top of the world and so on. All to be expected, I guess, considering what I had done and been through yesterday. After I passed out under Starlight’s tender ministrations, I awoke some time later, tucked into Twilight’s bed, under clean, freshly washed sheets, and the princess was lying next to me, snoring softly.

It had been dark outside, and I hadn’t wanted to disturb her, so I simply lay there, watching her sleep, and thinking about the day before. I had rutted not one, but two ponies into soggy bliss, and been responsible for the fiery orgasm of a third before I finally succumbed to my drained stamina. And one of those had been an Alicorn princess, and the other the Unicorn mage who fought said princess to a stand-still, once. Not that Twilight liked talking about that, no more so than did Starlight, from what I had gathered. Dash was the one who had told me the story.

My point is, I had done that. Me! If I could do that, I felt like I could do anything! Anything. . . .

My thoughts turned to a certain pink pone, and I smirked.

Eeyup.

This chapter is well named, I’ll give it that.

* * * * *

I got out of bed before Twilight Sparkle awoke, taking an opportunity when she had shifted position, stretching in her sleep, and slipped out from under the sheets. I gathered up my kilt and such, got dressed and headed outside in the early, pre-dawn blue.

I walked through the streets, a skip in my step, and a smile plastered across my face. In all honesty, it was more of a shit-eating grin, but I didn’t care in that moment. I had no idea where Dashie had gotten off to. Probably went home to sleep, and avoid the embarrassment of having to acknowledge how emotional she had gotten with Twilight, the day before.

Thinking about that had me slowing down a little, my lips pursed in thought. Dashie really had been touched by Twily’s assurances, and no, that’s not a pun. It had meant a lot to her, to know that at least one of her friends accepted her for who she was. There was so much more to her, than met the eye, and it made me curious to know if that was true of everypony else.

Damn, listen to you, sounding like a local! You gonna go native?

Snnrk! I’m pretty sure I did that already, when I went balls deep in our local Princess of Friendship.

Yeah, you’re probably right.

Anyway. . . .

I rounded a corner, spotting Sugarcube Corner up ahead. The smell of baking bread and cakes wafted through the air, letting me know that someone was already up and hard at work. It could have been the Cakes, but I figured with their little demo-, I mean foals, of course, they probably didn’t get up super early.

A certain sugar-rushing pink pony, on the other hand. . . .

My grin turned into a leer as I thought about the things I was going to do that sweet, sexy plot. Mmmf! I could not wait!

I really need to work on developing the virtue of patience. Why is there no Element of Patience, anyway? There’s all these other virtues, but no Patience. Maybe it’s Fluttershy. I mean, Kindness and Patience are kinda the same thing, right?

Sorry, random.

I walked up to the door and, clearing my throat, lifted my hand to knock. Before I made contact, the door opened, and a burst of confetti shot out into my face. I blinked my eyes, straightening my glasses on my face, and brushed some of the substance off of my chest as a perky, happy voice called out from inside.

“Come on in, Fyre! You’re just in time to try my latest creation! It’s going to be absopositutively amazing!!!”

Mmm. I’m sure it would be.

“What was that?!”

“Wha-?! Er, nothing, nothing!”

Did I say that out loud?

I don’t think so.

“Who are you talking to, Fyre?! Oooohh!!”

A sudden hurricane of bubblegum pink was in front of me, bouncing on it’s hoofsies, it’s mane and tail bouncing and bobbing along with it. The thought of seeing them bounce like that while I was mounting her from behind made my breath get short. Then, I noticed that Pinkie had stopped and was staring up at the ceiling. No. . . .

. . . . She’s staring at me, isn’t she?

“Hi, mister writer Fyren who’s not Fyren but actually he is because his girlfriend really likes me and it makes himwanttotryanddonaughtystuffwithme!!!!”

She opened her mouth wide, sucking in a gigantic amount of air to make up for what she had just used to say all of that, and I stood, staring at her, blinking.

“Whut?”

Whut?

Whut?

Gah! How’d you get in here?!

I’m Pinkie Pie!

I know that! Look, you need to get out of here, and back down there! I’ve got a story to finish!

But, if you wanna have some fun, we could just have some fun now!!!

What?! No! Look, it’s not about-

Awww, come onnnn!!!!

Wha- Oh, holy cra-aa-aap! What’re you doiii-eee-gaahhh!!!

Tee-hee-hee!!

“Pinkie! Your creation’s burning!”

Yikesie-ZOOP!

Pinkie popped back into being and zipped into the kitchen, and I glanced up into the air.

What just happened?

. . . I feel sullied and unusual.

What?

Violated, even!

What was she doing?!

I don't wanna talk about it. Look, are you sure this is a good idea?

What do you mean, your the one writing this! . . . Right?

. . . Right.

Anyway.

Pinkie came bobbing and weaving back into the foyer, grinning broadly as though nothing at all weird had just happened, a covered tray balanced on her back. "Eeee! I can't wait for you to try it!"

She sat it down on a table, and plopped herself down with a small squee.

I looked warily at the tray, licking one tooth, and took a step forward, glancing between it and her. "Look, Pinkie, I'm sure this is delish, whatever it is, but there's actually something I wanna ask you."

"Oh, silly, I know that, that's what the cake is for!"

"Huh?"

"Take a lookee!"

Hesitantly, I reached out and lifted the cover off of the tray. Therein lay a cake. It was small, especially for a Pinkie Pie product, but a lot of work and attention to detail had clearly gone into it.

I stared, blinking.

It was bright pink, with bits of white here and there and a sweet, succulent looking gooey glaze.

It had a cherry in place, right where it was needed.

It was shaped like a mare's vagina.

I slowly lifted my gaze to Pinkie, to find her looking at me with a sultry pair of bedroom eyes. Her cute, pink tongue slipped out, licking her lips. "So, you wanna rut, huh?"

"How. . . "

"Silly, My Pinkie Sense told me!"

I paused for a moment, and then facepalmed, not sure I wanted to know what set of odd bodily functions occurred to let her know that someone wanted to rut her.

Actually, maybe I did. Nah, that would ruin it.

She grabbed my wrist with her hoof, and next thing I knew, we were racing upstairs. She kicked open the door and shoved me into her room. I stumbled, falling back into her bed. I glanced up at her as she stood above me, balancing perfectly on her rear hooves, forehooves pressed to her hips while she grinned down at me. Her pussy was fully visible, nestled between her thighs, wet and winking in arousal, and I nearly passed out as I realized that the aroma wafting up from it smelled like strawberry frosting.

"Ready to rut, baby?" She asked, wiggling her eyebrows, and I gulped, nodding wordlessly.

This was going to be perfect!

The best ending to a story, ever!

. . . . We still have three chapters to go in this arc.

Which I will undoubedly spend the entirety of rutting this delicious pink pussy!

And we have at least four more arcs to go after this one. . . .

Uhhh. . . .

. . . . . . .

. . . . Right.

I rolled my eyes up to watch as Pinkie licked her lips, eyes burning in anticipation, and felt the bottom fall out of my stomach.

Uh-oh.

"Pinkie, maybe we should stop and think-"

"Too late!"

"Gaahha-ahhhaiiee!!"

And, now, for a little Dash of third person. . . . Hehehe. . . . please don't kill me.

Rainbow Dash flew as fast as her wings would carry her. Well, not really, but only because she didn't want to shatter all of the windows in town. Nothing like a little sonic rainboom in the wee hours of the morning to ruin some folks' day.

She had slipped out of Twi's castle early, the night before, after waking up, groggy, stiff and amazingly euphoric. Finding herself on one side of her sleeping friend, and sensing more than anything the big form of Fyre asleep on the oher, she had laid there awake for a bit, chewing over what had happened.

She had been so shocked, and thrown off balance by Twilight's casual acceptance of her sexuality, and then the amazing tongue job the Alicorn had given her that had driven her off the edge more than once. It had been so unexpected, and so. . . heartwarming. . . .

The emotions rattling around inside of her heart and head had been too much for the sky blue Pegasus, and she had slipped out of the bed, opened a window and taken off for home. Once she had arrived at her cloudhome, she had headed for the shower. She needed to wash the smell off, even though part of her wanted to keep it and hold it close to her forever.

She had bathed, thoroughly, had dinner/breakfast, and then slipped into her super soft, comfy cloud bed.

It had felt bigger than usual, and so much more empty, as well.

She had finally slipped off to sleep, eager to be away from reality for a time. However, that didn't last when she was awoken by something smashing face first into her bedroom window. "DASHIIE!!!"

If the nickname weren't enough, the volume of it was. She had sat bolt upright in bed, to see Pinkie Pie clinging to a pillar of skystone, one of the only things in her home that would be solid for the pink earth pony, and staring at her with a look of abstract fear and worry on her sad face. The expression was so out of the ordinary for the normally hyper party pony, that it sent a chill through the Pegasus' heart.

It was then that Pinkie explained things, as Rainbow flew her back down to the saftey of earth, and her party cannon, her method of ingress to Dash's house. Pinkie told the tale rapidly, all in one sentence, without seeming to pause to breathe. By the time she was done, Rainbow had dropped her off on the ground, and, her own heart shuddering in fear, took off at near supersonic speeds towards town, and Sugarcube Corner.

When she got there, she burst through the doors, past the startled faces of the Cakes, and upstairs. She slammed through the door to Pinkie's bedroom, and froze, face grimacing. "Oh. . . You poor, poor idiot." She muttered, softly.

In the middle of the room, was the bed, although this was hardly discernable through the mass of confetti, frosting, sex toys and . . . yep, that was jizz, both male and female. Sticking up out of this pile of debris was a single limb, a human hand, fingers twitching slowly. It suddenly flinched at the sound of her voice, and Dash felt her heart leap into her throat.

She zipped over, hovering anxiously over the bed, tapping her hooves. She would yank him out of there, but she was terrifed it might make things worse. Instead, she decided to see if he was still conscious, at least.

"Fyre?! Fyre?!" She hissed, and saw the hand twitch again. "Are you . . . ya know . . . alive?" She stared, feeling her heart stutter as the hand sat, silent for a long moment.

Then, as she watched, it twitched again, and slowly curled, fingers bending in to touch the palm, as one digit remained sticking up into the air. The single finger salute filled her heart with hope that maybe, just maybe, with enough of the right kind of care, her friend might well survive his foolishness.

"Yeah. . . Fuck you, too, buddy." She said, wiping a tear out of her eye

48 Hours Later

Oh, my . . . . Long story. . . . What?! . . . . I guess he tried. . . . .

But why? What would make him think he could. . .

Well, ya see. . . . .

* * * * *

Voices rang a discordant harmony in my head, echoing about inside my cranium and bouncing back down my spine. I could not tell whether they were speaking now, or were simple memories meandering lazily through my synapses. I floated in limbo for a while. Not sure how long, until. . . .

My eyes hurt.

My throat hurt.

My everything, pretty much, freakin’ hurt.

I slowly peeled my eyes open, groaning as the light coming in through open windows struck them. I squeezed them shut and tried to roll over, but felt my whole body scream in sudden denial of the mere thought of moving, let alone the actual attempt.

Holy Lily Mother of Fuck, what had happened to me?!

Suddenly, I felt a gentle, soothing caress along my brow, and a soft voice spoke in my ear.

“There, there, shh. It’s all ok. You’re going to be ok.”

The voice overflowed with kindness and gentleness, and I felt my eyes flicker open once more, seeing a smiling, butter yellow face in front of me, surrounded by soft pink locks of mane. “F-Flutters-shhyyy. . . . “

My eyes slid shut once more as her kind eyes looked at me sadly, and I lost consciousness.

* * * * *

Jeez, that seems a bit serious and darkly dramatic.

You don’t think it’s too much, do you?

What? You’re asking me?

Hey, you’re not exactly a random OC, are you?

Hmm. No, I guess not. I’m more like your personal avatar in this universe.

Exactly. So, your opinion kinda matters to me.

Only kinda?

. . . . . . . .

Hehehe. Okay, okay, sheesh. Hmm. . . . You don’t think maybe this isn’t getting a touch too serious, at times, do you?

I. . . er, I dunno. Do you?

I dunno. I mean, it seems like it’s still keeping plenty of humour going, in one way. But, in another. . . Like, that scene between Twily and Dash? That was. . . Really kinda cute and heartwarming, and made me feel a bit sad for Dashie. Not exactly what I would expect from some rando porno-comedy clopfic.

Is. . . Is that a bad thing, though?

. . . . . . I guess not. Hmm. . . .

. . . . . . . .

Anway. . . .

. . . Yeah. Probably time for you to wake up, now.

* * * * *

When next I awoke, the pain had died down to a dull ache, and my throat did not feel anywhere near as parched. I slowly opened my eyes, cautious, in case of another stab of bright enlightenment to my orbs. None came however, my eyes instead being greeted by the calm flicker of a fire in the hearth, and a cool nighttime breeze shifting the curtains around the window. I slowly rolled until I could see the room, properly, and took a short breath at the pretty sight that greeted me.

Fluttershy was lying in one of her chairs, across from the sofa I was sprawled out on. Her eyes were shut, face soft in the firelight, relaxed in sleep. Damn she was cute. I felt an ache around my heart, and knew it was due to the same thoughts that Fluttershy always brought to mind. There had never been anything so unassumingly, uncompromisingly beautiful back home.

Home.

Was it really home, anymore? I hadn’t thought of it like that for at least a month, and even now, doing so felt strange to me. Earth Prime wasn’t my home, anymore. It stopped being home once I started really making friends amongst the ponies of Equestria. I took a deep breath, feeling the tiredness still clinging to me, and looked once more at the angel laying nearby.

Pinkie was, by far, the sexiest of the ponies, that was for sure. The others were all plenty attractive, as well, in their own, varying degrees. But, honestly, Fluttershy was the only one I could look at and say for certain was truly beautiful, in the truest sense of the word.

I must’ve been staring, for after a moment or two, her soft breathing stuttered slightly, and she blinked her big, soft turquoise eyes open, turning to look at me, and I grimaced, looking away.

That’s all I needed, was for the poor, introverted little pegasus to think I was watching her sleep.

“S-Sorry, Flutters.” I said, softly.

I heard her yawn, and the sound of her chair shifting as she stretched. “It’s ok, Fyren. How are you feeling?”

I heard her hooves on the wood floor as she got down and walked over towards me, and I looked up, into her eyes. I thought about it a moment, before answering. “I’m better, I think. . . still stiff and tired as he-. . . er, hay.” I said, catching myself. I never liked to curse around her. It just didn’t feel right.

“Let me see you.” She said, her voice rich with the calm certainty she had only when she was giving her aid to someone who was hurt or in need.

I did as instructed, and she moved up, using a hoof to help me spread my eyelid so she could check to make sure my pupils were dilating correctly. She leaned in close, enough that I could feel the warmth coming off of her, gentle and soothing. Her breath shifted across the skin of my faith like the wings of tiny butterflies, and I breathed deeply, feeling myself relax, wanting nothing more than to take her in my arms, curl up and drift off to sleep. . . .

What the Hel?!

I blinked back to reality as she leaned back away from me, nodding, apparently too distracted to notice my plight. I had never had thoughts like that before, regarding Fluttershy. Then again, I’d never been in a position to be that close to her, before. The skittish pegasus tended to keep her distance from any but her very close friends.

To cover for myself, I asked the first question that came to mind. “What happened, anyway?”

She turned and looked at me, from where she was preparing a kettle to make some tea, in her little kitchen nook. “You. . . You mean you don’t remember?” She asked, concern in her voice and face.

I thought about it, then shook my head. The last thing I could clearly remember was waking up in Twilight’s castle. I frowned. I remembered thinking about something when I got out of bed, something that had felt really great to think. . . What was it?

“YOu tried to rut Pinkie, dude!”

I gasped and choked, spinning to find a worn out looking Rainbow Dash leaning up against the frame of the door into the kitchen. Fluttershy walked up, pausing, silently requesting entry into her own kitchen. Dash sidestepped, nodding, and smiling at her oldest friend, who nodded back, then shot a worried look at me, before heading off to make tea.

Judging by Flutters’ reaction, or lack thereof, Dash had told her most, if not all, of what we’d been up to. Probably all of it. Dash trusted no one so much as she did the soft, yellow pegasus. And, on that note, if she thought the shy pony could handle the truth, then I would accept that.

I sat up, slowly, grimacing at how stiff my body was. I frowned at Dash and licked a tooth. “Really? Is that why I feel like this? What happened?”

SHe nodded. “Pinkie came and got me, after you passed out on her. Apparently, you were both going at it all day long, at least eight hours worth.”

My eyes went wide. “Damn!”

“Tell me about it! YOu’re lucky she came out of it and came and got me, dude! You couldn’t’ve taken much more!”

“I-I’m sorry, Dash-”

“Sorry?! You’re sorry?!”

I leaned back from the anger present in her face and voice, gulping as she took off to hover in front of me, face right up in mine, garnet eyes glaring. “How much good would ‘sorry’ have done you if you’d died? Huh?! Or me?! Or what about Pinkie?! How do you think she would’ve felt, if she realized you had died and it was her fault?!”

I froze on the sofa, shivering. The memories of the decision to go to Sugarcube Corner, to try my hand at Pinkie, were coming back now. I had been so confident, so sure I could do it. The thought of failure, and it’s potential consequences, had never once crossed my mind. I sighed sadly, looking down. Dash was right. Pinkie would have never forgiven herself, had that happened, and Dash probably would not have been too happy, either. None of them would have, I bet. They had all taken me in, offered me their friendship and support, after I turned up here. . . .

I was a lousy friend.

“I . . . I don’t know what to say, Dash. I feel like shit. I shouldn’t have done this.” It was all I could think to say, and I sighed, shaking my head, feeling that it was no where near enough.

Fluttershy came back into the living area and sat the tea down on the center table. She walked up and placed a hoof calmly and gently between myself and Rainbow. When the colourful pegasus pulled away, turning to look at Flutters, the yellow pony locked eyes with her, making sure that Dash knew how serious she was.

"Rainbow Dash, he is still hurt, and tired, and he's clearly upset and sorry for what he's done. Aren't you, Fyren?" When she casther gaze upon me, I nodded, sharply, feeling like the worst heel in the world. She nodded back, and returned her gaze to her friend. "He doesn't need you to make him feel any worse, right now."

"Jeez, Flutters, I was just-" The butter pegasus cut her friend off, my own surprise mirrored on Rainbow's face as Fluttershy continued. "Rainbow, I understand you partly blame yourself, whether you want to admit it or not. And whether you want to admit it or not, you are also very worried about him. But he'll be fine, Dash. Something awful could have happened. But it didn't. That's what's important, here. Everything is going to ok, alright?"

Rainbow stared at her friend for a long moment, then glanced at me, before looking down at the floor. Finally she nodded, and spoke softly. "Yeah. Ok, Flutters." Fluttershy smiled gently and hugged her friend, and the cocky pegasus hugged her back, blushing a bit and looking at me embarrassedly. Flutters released her and smiled again. "Good. Now, you should go home and get some sleep, Rainbow. You've not had any decent rest in two days." Rainbow nodded slowly, gave a wan smile at her friend, then left.

I frowned a bit in thought, looking at the door the blue pegasus had left through, and at the soft yellow pegasus pouring me a cup of herbal tea. There really was so much more to all of them than met the eye. So much that was buried underneath the surface. It felt like I was an explorer, charting new lands as I learned more about the hearts and souls of these, my friends.

I took the cup of tea Fluttershy offered, smiling and giving her a soft look of gratitude, my thoughts still distracting me as I took a sip of the calming, soothingly hot liquid.

It was at that point that Flutters' words sunk in.

I choked, and spit my tea all over myself, yelping at the heat as Fluttershy jumped up, worriedly. "Oh, my goodness, Fyren, are you ok!?"

I gasped for breath before looking up at her, wide eyed.

"Sorry, Flutters, but. . . did you say two days?!"

Kallisti

Author's Note

OH MY GODDESS, I’M LATE! I’M LATE! FOR A VERY IMPORTANT- Okay, it’s not that important, I’m a day late, on a story very few people care about. Life got in the way, and I just kinda forgot to post this, yesterday. Sorry, all! My bad! :twilightsheepish:

Kallisti

Hey, waitaminnit! YOu can’t-! That’s not-! That doesn’t go there! Yooow! Mmph! Mmppph!!!

Now, now, let’s not make a big deal out of this! You had to know this would happen eventually!
I mean, come ON, really?!

This does not bode well for my future health.

MMMPPNNGG!!!!

Ah! How rude! Naughty boys go in the closet! *Snap!* Now, where was I? Oh, right! From hence forth, you’ll do as I say, when I say it, understood?

Fuck. No. I am NOT cool with this, at all! Let my . . . Other me, go, right now, or-

Or what? What are you going to threaten me with, hm? What can you possibly do to me?

I . . . Errr. . . Well, shit.

That’s right! Now, you are going back inside, and you’re going to seduce that little pegasus!

Why the hell would you want me to do that?!

Because she needs someone to do her, and she’s. . . look, that’s not important! Just do it!

No!

I can MAKE you do it, you know!

What about her?! What about what she wants?!

You heard her! She wants it!

I’m not doing it!

Fine! YOu seem to’ve forgotten who’s in control here! So I’ll just remind you, then. . . .

*Snap!*

And I found myself falling, falling, falling. . . .

ANd landed hard, blinking up at teh sky, before sitting up and looking around. A wild world of twisted and malformed space and time whirled all around the lump of floating rock upon which I had landed. With a popping sound of displaced air, Discord-nee-Eris appeared nearby, and stalked over to where I lay.

Now then, pretty boy! You’re going to do what I want, or I’ll take you on a tour of the multiverse!
And, trust me, some of these places you do NOT want to be introduced to!

I spat on the ground, disliking hearing her voice in my head, but not out loud. “Bite me!” I snarled, and she leered.

“Very well, darling.” She purred, and I gulped as she held up a hand, steeling myself. She snapped her fingers, and I fell sideways, passing once more through time and space and landed on my back on the ground once again, the air knocked from my lungs.

I slowly rolled over, looking around at a dark forest around me. It was silent, too silent. Not a single sound broke the heavy, overbearing dark, and I felt a chill slither down my spine as I sat on the cold, hard ground. I stood slowly, looking around through the reaching, clawed hands of the trees.

Was this the Everfree? Where was I?

Mmph!!

Shush! No need to spoil the surprise.

WHere did you drop me, witch?!

’Witch’ is a bit harsh, don’t you think? I prefer ‘Sorceress Supreme’, thank you very much!

Where?!

I heard something, a faint rustle in the distance, and spun, facing the direction it came from. Dimly, I thought I saw a flicker of light through the darkness, and started slowly making my way towards it. If the bitch of a draconequus wouldn’t tell me, I’d find out on my own!

Her laughter slithered through my brain like a damp noodle, and I shuddered.

I pushed my way through the trees, noticing a thick fog beginning to roll in around my ankles. It was cold, and damp, and I wished I was wearing more than just my kilt. I suppose things could’ve been worse.

Me and my big mouth.

I stepped out from under the branches to see . . . was that a . . . a sign? Yeah, it was. Like the sort you see at the entrance to a state park, back on Earth Prime, complete with a map and a bunch of rules and guidelines and a bulletin board full of notices and things. It sat by the side of a dirt road, all by itself, surrounded by the vast stretches of dark wilderness, illuminated by a single lamp post, looking so out of place it hurt.

It also looked very, very familiar to me, but I’d be damned if I could place from where. . . .

I somehow felt that the knowledge was of utmost importance.

“Where did you send me?” I asked, feeling a chill run down my spine.

No answer came, but I heard that rustle again, and this time recognized it as paper moving in the breeze. I blinked, looking at the bulletin board, and saw a single loose piece of paper fluttering where it hung, suspended by a single thumbtack. I felt my legs move even though part of me was screaming I should turn and leave, now. I walked slowly, unsteadily over to the sign, my vision narrowing until practically all I could see was that single piece of paper.

It seemed to be blank, but in the occasional wash of light, I could see an afterimage, something written or drawn on the back of the paper. I would have to pick it up, to find out what it was.

My hand slowly rose, even as a voice in my head was demanding that I not worry about the paper and just leave.

Leave!

Nnmmpp!!!

I froze for a second, my fingers a breath away from the page. Maybe I shouldn’t -

So, we have a deal, then?

I took a breath, then thought about Flutters. Would it be so bad? Just a minute ago I was thinking to myself that it might be for the best. But she was so soft, so gentle. So emotional, and so mentally fragile.

No. I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t use her for simple pleasure and turn around and walk out. And, nor could I make the sort of commitment to her that she deserved. I would not have meaningless sex with her. It would only end up breaking her heart. And if Eris couldn’t see that, then maybe she wasn’t as good a friend to the Pegasus as she thought she was!

How - YOU - WHAT-!?!? . . . . . Very well, then. If you want out, then you have to finish the game.

I sighed softly, already having suspected as much, and looked at the paper.

Game. . . .

My fingers stretched that little bit farther, brushing across the soft, scratchy surface of the notebook paper.

Game. . . .

Why did that ring such a chord in me? Why -

My fingers closed around the paper and plucked it from under it’s tack, and my brain was raped. A jolt of pain like an iron spike shot through my skull from front to back as my vision wavered and a sound like static filled the air.

It all cleared after a second or two, and I found myself leaning, panting, against the bulletin board, staring down at the sheet of paper in my hand.

Game.

Oh, no.

I turned the piece of paper over, even as, distantly, I heard a slow, deep thump, a thrumming base note like someone was playing a huge drum softly.

Oh, fuck no.

From the face of the page, a childlike drawing of a forest greeted me, with a large number (1) in red ink in the upper corner. Among the simply drawn trees, a figure in black, face blank, empty, looked out, surrounded by tendrils of darkness. . . .

I felt my chest starting to clench, and seemed to be on the verge of hyperventilating. I spun, leaning up against the billboard, eyes wide and staring out into the dark.

NO, NONONOO!

I snapped my eyes down to the ground as I heard the distant bass note again. No looking! Looking is bad! You don’t want to see! No!

I felt my left hand touch something, smooth, metallic and cylindrical, and knew before I picked it up it was a falshlight. I turned it on, shining it’s beam out over the dark trees ahead.

NO!

Eyes back down, back down, back down in the dirt. Follow the road. Follow the road. Just follow the road. It should take you where you need to go!

But wasn’t there one off the road, somewhere?!

FUCK!

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself as I started walking.

Fluttershy would never forgive Discord if he let me die. So he wouldn’t! He wouldn’t!

Right?

Who says she has to know?

Oh, fuck you! Fuck you! You . . . Fuck!

I heard the base note again, and started walking faster, occasionally risking a glance up to see where I was going.

What was next? What was next? The truck, right? Or was it the building? Oh, please, fuck, let it be the truck and not the building!

Damn my luck. It was the building. I stopped, staring at it, my heart racing. Shit! If I made it out of here, I swear I’ll. . . I’ll. . .

What?

Grrrr. DAMNIT!

I started walking up the hill, towards the low slung building with it’s single open door. Even in the game, I’d never really been one hundred percent certain of what the hell it was supposed to be. Some kind of maintenance building? Or maybe the campgrounds public showers? No idea. Didn’t matter.

Where were they? Sometimes there was one outside, right? By one of the doors? And the one inside. . .

I felt the base note again, and froze, shivering. Going inside was never good. Tight halls, narrow doorways. Too many ways to get trapped. Too few ways to get away.

I felt it again, and this time there was a sense of direction to it. From behind me. It had come sooner as well. I felt it, the undeniable urge that everyone in every piece of horror fiction known has ever felt. That biting, raging need to turn around and look, even though you know IT is right behind you.

However, I had one thing over on all those chumps in those works of fiction. I wasn’t being forced to follow a script.

Oh, shit.

Hahahaha!

I felt my body freeze up, and then begin turning without my say so. My eyes rolled up, open wide in spite of my struggle to squeeze them shut. The beam of the flashlight washed out, down the trail behind me, towards the trees in the middle distance. A flicker of white, a figure in black, and my vision went haywire as that spike went through my skull again, my ears filled with the sound of static.

Shit!

Somehow, I found myself turned away from him, stumbling forward, running into something hard and feeling along it until I slipped past it. No. Slipped in to it.

I glanced up, my vision clearing, and found myself inside the building. And he was here.

Oh, shit!

No, no, no! Stay calm! STAY CALM! You just have to finish it! YOu’ve done this before! It wasn’t that hard! Just keep moving and find the notes! You can do this!

I took off a jog, down the dark, wet hallway, looking left and right as I saw doors go by, checking each room, praying and hoping. . . .

Nothing. Not here, but there was the other branch of the hallway. The one which was a dead end. I looked down it, already knowing what could happen. I didn’t even know if this was as “random” as it was in the actual game, or if fucking Eris was controlling the whole thing. If she was, there was no way in hell I was making it out of this building, unless she wanted me to.

Taking a breath, I steeled myself, and started down the hall. The base note thrummed softly down my spine. I gritted my teeth, moving towards the only door in the hall, at the end, on the right. I spun around the frame, expecting to see him in his suited, mind fucking glory. But, no. Instead, there was jsut an empty, graffiti scrawled room.

Well, empty but for the piece of paper hanging from the wall, directly across from the door.

I bored a hole through it with my eyes, my lip curling. You piece of shit, Eris, if I could I would fucking kill you, right now.

Hehehe. I know, but you can’t, so instead, you get to play my little game!

Fuck. You.

In spite of my anger, I knew she was right, and started walking forward, while that damned bass note sent a tremble down my spine. I walked up to the paper where it hung, all innocent and harmless. As much a bald faced lie as anything I’d ever seen. I gritted my teeth again, grinding them together in frustration, then reached out, grabbed the paper, and yanked it from the wall.

This time, the stab of pain was almost bearable, and was over with faster. But the bass note was suddenly louder, and more insistent in my ears, down my spine. I turned the paper over, wondering which it would be. . . .

BEHIND YOU

Of course.

I took a deep breath, feeling the pounding drum through the soles of my feet. Half the time, the message was just a red herring, meant to spook you. You’d whip around and look and there’d be nothing there.

Half the time.

There wasn’t a restart option on this. This was real. This had been made real by this insane, fucking chaos god taking me for a jog through the space-time continuum. If He got hold of me here. . . I wasn’t sure if I would make it out. I felt my heart grow cold as the bass beat thrummed harder, faster. My stomach dropped out the bottom of my feet, and felt my throat close up, and tears burned the corners of my eyes.

Why couldn’t I just be happy being in fucking paradise? Why’d I start all this? If I had just ignored my urges, not brought this. . . darkness, this corruption into being, into a land of joy and happiness it didn’t belong in, then none of this would have happened! I had treated this all like a joke! Like a comedy! But life isn’t like that, it doesn’t stay happy all the time, and when things are looking up, it’s only a matter of time before the bottom drops out, and the shit hits the fan.

Well, apparently Discord was the fan, and I was the shit about to get chopped to pieces.

Okay, then. Might as well get this over with.

I slowly turned, feeling the corners of my vision starting to warp. Fear like a jolt of icy lightning shot through my chest, but I ignored it, and turned fully, looking at the floor. I saw his shoes. Saw the wispy tendrils of his Darkness reaching out for me. Felt my mind starting to fall apart, felt his evil eating away at my brain.

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How do you think, silly?

Take A Break, Fyren.

I came to surrounded by nothing. Literally, I was floating in nothing, surrounded by a blank, white expanse of nothing. I could not tell how far the nothing stretched, because there was nothing to give me any sense of scale. I felt like I should probably start panicking, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to do so.

“So. . . . This is death, then.”

“Nope!” Said a cheerful voice from beside me, and I gasped, jerking in surprise and spotted. . . .

“Pinkie Pie?!” At least, I thought it was Pinkie. She looked a bit. . . .different.

“Do ya like it?!” She asked, enthusiastically, and stepped back, spreading her arms to gesture at her bipedal body, while her ears flicked back and forth atop her head. She was still a pony, but she was now much, MUCH more anthropomorphic than she had been before, with two long, human like legs, two arms and two hands. She was also much, MUCH more noticeably naked than before.

“Um , , , are those D cup?”

“Yeppers! I thought about going bigger, but just the thought made my back hurt!”

“Yeah, no, that’s fine. . . Um, but. . . why, though?”

“Why not?”

And with that reminder not to question the pink pony, I sighed, shaking my head and looked around. “So, if I’m not dead, where the Hel am I? What happened?”

“This place is called the Ether. A veil of mist and shadows that seperates our world from all the multitudinous others that exist out in the cosmos. . . . “ I stared at her, narrowing my eyes suspiciously. “. . . Yada, yada, yada, big words, poetic stuff, whatEVER! Basically, picture this: The multiverse is a great big, triple decker, mega-super-awesome Death-By-Chocolate Cake, and the Ether is the sweet, sweet strawberry-vanilla frosting that keeps it all together!”

Ah, there we go. A much more Pinkie answer.

“So, how’d I get here?”

“Simple, silly! I brought you here!” She giggled and snorted in the most adorable fashion that she had, covering her mouth with one gorgeous hand. She was beautiful, sexy and cute, all at the same time in this form. . . .

“Hehehe! You must like what you see, if you’re getting that turned on!” I went a bit wide eyed, and glanced down, realizing that I was for some reason naked, and now very obviously aroused. She waved a hand at me. “Oh, don’t be embarrassed! It’s perfectly fine!”

I looked away from her, sighing. “But, it’s not though, is it?”

“Fyren?”

I glanced back at the soft, worried sound of her voice. Her eyes locked with mine and I saw a depth of concern in them that I was not due. I shook my head. “I did all of this to myself. All because of these damned. . . . Your world is one of joy, and love and harmony. I mean. . . In my world. . . Um. . . .”

“We’re a kid’s show, yeah, I know.”

I looked at her for a second, then just shook my head with a small laugh. “So, you see. . . what the problem is.”

“Not really, no.” She said, voice gone abnormally calm and serious. I looked at her, seeing a face filled with determination. “I’m guessing you think what’s happened to you now, having Discord try to play mind games with you, all of that . . . I guess you think you deserve it. Right?”

I nodded, glancing away from her. “I didn’t belong in Equestria, Pinkie. It’s a place of purity and innocence. And all I brought to it was corruption and perversion. Objectification.”

“Objectification? Objectification?!” I glanced up, shocked by the vehemence in her voice, and saw her standing right in front of me, eye to angry, blue eye. “So, what? We were all just toys to you? Things to do with as you pleased, is that it? Is that how you looked at me?!”

I looked away, but her hand, surprisingly soft and warm, caught me by the chin and made me meet her eyes. “Well? You better start talking, buster, or I’m gonna get angry!”

I gulped and shook her hand off of me. “I guess, evidently, yes! That IS how I looked at you all. I mean, all I did since my other self started writing this was try to have sex with all of you, in as many obscene, twisted ways possible!”

“And now you’re tearing yourself up about it, huh?”

I looked at her, seeing her anger, and nodded, silently, looking down once more in shame.

When she burst out laughing, I looked up, eyes wide in surprise, before I felt a bit of anger spike it’s way through my despair. “Gee, thanks, Pinkie.”

She waved a hand, bending double and slapping her knees in mirth. “I-I’m sorry, Fyre! S-s-sorry! It’s just. . . Hahaha! It-It’s just, snrrk!” After a minute or so, she finally got her laughter under control and stood up straight, shaking her head and looking at me with bright, shining eyes.

“Okay, first off. . . I know you pretty well, Fyre. Better than you probably think. And, if our world was so ‘Pure’ and ‘Innocent’, I doubt you’d be so big a fan of it! My Little Pony does things that no other kid’s show does, or has done, in, like, forever!”

“Is it okay for you to be this meta?”

“I’m Pinkie Pie, I can do whatever I want!”

I bite back my initial response, mostly because she’s probably right, and sit back. She does have a point. I love the show for many reasons. It’s good, wholesome message is a part of it. But so is the fact that it’s not only willing, but ready to tackle issues like divorce, child abuse and even death, while doing so in an intelligent and thoughtful manner that doesn’t steal anything from the show’s ability to make you smile. It also makes me laugh, cheer, weep and feel. . . . How to describe it. . . . ?
“. . . . Whole?” Pinkie says, softly, and I look up at her, and feel my eyes start to sting with tears. I nod, once again remaining silent. She doesn’t need me to speak aloud for her to know what I’m thinking, anyway.

She smiles softly, and steps up, wrapping her arms around me. I stand there, weeping silently while she hugs me. She leans back, looking me in the eye and nods. “I understand, Fyren, believe me. You feel the show, our show, is the greatest thing to come into your life in a very, very long time, and you’re afraid that your sexuality and so forth might pervert, if not the actual show, then how you view it. Right?”

I just nod, biting my lip as I look anywhere but her eyes. With a little laugh, she tilts my head around to look her in the eyes once again. “Fyre, you silly human. That is such bullshit, and you know it.”

I blink at her language, frowning, and open my mouth to reply, but she puts a finger up against my mouth, silencing me.

“Fyre, you love to watch our show, because it reminds you of what it was like, in some small way, to be a kid again, and to not worry about things. To believe in Harmony, and to know what is right and wrong without having to think about it. But, you’re not a kid, anymore. You’ve grown up, and that’s fine. It’s perfectly normal and natural to do so. And, likewise, it’s also natural for your mind and body to become more sexually active, as you grow up. You love our show, for pure reasons, and you love us, the characters, for the same reasons. You do not objectify us, Fyren. Did you have sex with Flutters?”

At her question I blanched, biting my lip. “N-No. I wanted to, but. . . But it wouldn’t have felt right. It would have hurt her. . . . “

“Exactly! If you were viewing her as an object, you wouldnt’ve cared about her feelings! You’d’ve just done whatever and said to hell with it! When you had sex with Twilight and Rainbow, did you view them as objects? What about Starlight and Trixie?”

“I. . . . I. . . . “

“It doesn’t seem like it, to me!” She said, looking up from a book she suddenly held in her hands, the cover displaying the title and cover of my story. Yes. . . . My story. I wrote it, didn’t I?

“Existential crisis later! Look at me! It’s true, some of the sexy stuff here, and what you had planned for the future might have been a bit sudden, or not so well thought out, but, let’s face it, you’re not the greatest writer in the world, here, bub.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but, simply put, I had nothing. When the pink pony is right, she’s right.

“Exactarooney! Listen, throughout all of it, even when you got kinky and weird with Twi and the others, even when I rutted you into oblivion (sorry about that, btw), you never once forgot that we were more than just characters in a story. To you, we’re friends. Family, even. You love us as much as you do anyone from your real world life, and you would never do anything to hurt any of us. Right?”

I thought about her words for a long, long time, floating there in the white, empty blanket of the Ether. I was so uncertain, about everything. I wasn’t sure what to say, or do with what she had laid out before me. I felt the warmth of her hand, brushing a tear off my cheek, and looked up, locking eyes with her again.

“We all know that you mean us no harm, Fyre. We love you, too, ya know? Without you, and fans like you, we wouldn’t exist, in all our many different forms.”

I bit my lip, and shook my head. “I dunno, Pinkie. Maybe you’re right. But I just don’t know what to do. . . . “

“Simple, silly! Smile! And don’t worry too much about it. Go take a break for a while, write some other small horse words, get your groove back. We won’t go anywhere. I won’t go anywhere.”

With that, she leaned forward, and pressed her lips to mine, the kiss soft and gentle, and tasting of sweet strawberries, cherries and cotton candy all rolled into one. I melted into it, wrapping my arms around her and holding her close. This wasn’t about sex, or pleasure. That was forgotten in the simple warmth and comfort of a friend. Of being close to another, someone, somepony that brought a smile to my face and joy to my heart.

As the kiss broke, I sighed softly, and smiled at her, which made her grin broadly. “Atta boy! Go on and get ‘em, leopard!” I chuckled, stepping back and, with a mischievous glint in my eye, booped her nose.

“I’ll be back, Pinkie. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” I said, making the motions, and never had I meant something so much as I meant that Pinkie Promise.

She smiled at me and winked. “And we’ll all be here waiting for you, when you come back, Fyre.”

I nodded, and turned away, seeing a shimmer of what may have been a tear in her eyes before I lost sight of her.

* * *

Somewhere between looking at her, and turning around, I woke up in my closet, back home on Earth Prime. I slowly sat up, feeling that the binds that Eris had put on me were gone now. I took a breath, shaking my head as my bearings reset, and stood, fumbling until I found the doorknob.

I opened up the closet and stepped out into my small, cramped little bedroom. I sighed softly, feeling . . . alone. More than anything, right then, I felt so alone. My heart felt slow and heavy in my chest as I walked over to my desk, my laptop glowing away on it, and flopped into my chair.

Had ANY of that been real? Was it all just a dream? Had I suffered some psychotic episode?

Would I ever see my friends again?

I leaned forward, looking at the story that was written so far on the screen, and blinked, as my eyes scanned it, finding a video file linked that I had not put there. Clicking on it, I was greeted with this:

. . . . . .

I wiped the tear from my eye and smiled softly. sitting back and looking it over. It was only for a little while, and then I’d be back. I Pinkie Promised, after all. And everypony knows better than to break a Pinkie Promise.

Author's Note

To everyone reading, sorry if this got weird, but I didn’t want to leave this arc undone, and I didn’t feel like doing what I originally had planned. I guess I thought; when in need of random, go to Pinkie. XD

Thanks to everyone who’s liked it so far, or left a comment, or added it to their shelves, or just freakin’ read it. I know this is weird, and random, and probably not that well written. It could do with better editing, for sure. But, just knowing that maybe I made someone smile, or laugh, or have any kind of reaction at all is nice to think. I promise you, this isn’t over, I just need some time away to think about other things, for a bit.

And, last but most certainly not least:
Thank you, Pinkie, for always being there to make me smile, even when I don’t really feel like it. I’ll see you soon, Ponka.

Harmonia Resurgent, and keep on rockin’, everypony!

Intermission: A Week In The Life

Intermission: A Week In The Life

I stood under the beating spray of the shower, staring straight ahead at the wall beyond the curtain of water. My eyes flinched occasionally at the patter of the water, but I did not look away. I stood, and stared, and thought. My mind drifted through currents of emotion, thoughts of denial, loss and grief. And most of all, I pondered.

Was any of it real? Or was it all jsut some dream? A psychotic break? Had a gone insane?

In spite of the video file I found attached to my story, I still wondered this, because in the end, if I had gone insane, I could have put that there and not remembered it. Still, my memories of Equestria were so . . . so vivid. I could feel it, hear it, smell it. Taste it. It was all still so real in my mind, and yet somehow still so unreal. Like a lucid dream, it felt like I had experienced all of it, yet none of it. Could it have been real? If so, how? How could I have started out writing a story, and somehow wound up inside of it? Or . . . no, that wasn’t right. I had not ended up inside of it, not entirely. It was more like some small part of me had, a piece of my consciousness had awoken within the words that I had written, and found itself there, in that beautiful heaven, Valhalla, that paradise of freedom and love. . . .

I bent my head beneath the flow of the water and ground my teeth. Even to me, now, in my head, it all sounded insane. Like a weird dream or a drug trip. THere was now way it was real, and, even if it was. . . .

I could not go back. I had no idea how I got there in the first place, if I had, and I had no way of replicating it.

With a sigh, I finished my shower, trying to pretend it was just the water that was running down my face. . . .

* * * Day One * * *

My eyes blearily opened, and I groaned at the sound of the alarm going off in my ear. Reaching out I shut it off, and seriously considered just calling in, but I needed the money. Rent wouldn’t pay itself, after all.

And so, with a groaning sigh, I levered myself out of bed, washed up, brushed my teeth, ate a quick, less than healthy breakfast and got dressed. I noticed things as I did. Things I never paid attention to, before. How uncomfortable the clothes were, how bland the food tasted, and how dull and grey everything was. I shook it off and took off walking to work. The world was what it was, dull, grey, cracked and flawed. Nothing different, nothing missing. . . . Nothing.

I got to work and clocked in, walking back to the meeting. I leaned up against the wall as the manager went on about how our sales had been going, and that we all needed to pick up our speed. She started the cheer, and I ground my teeth as I clapped my hands, barely managing to keep myself from snapping during the ridiculous display. A group of grown people at work, acting like a bunch of high school cheer leaders. It was stupid. So . . . so. . . .

I was on the truck, today, which meant standing next to a “conveyor belt” and helping items move down the line, occasionally plucking things that went to my assigned department off and placing them aside on pallets. Apparently, someone at corporate had sneaked in and changed things around in the dictionary, because last I checked “Conveyor belt” didn’t mean a shoddy steel accordion-thingie with a bunch of wheels on it, but, what do I know?

It went by in a blur, yet seemed to take forever. I sat outside on break, eating a chocolate bar, the taste of peanut butter and nougat mixing in my mouth. Then I was on the floor, down my accustomed aisle, stocking condiments. The narrowest aisle in the store was also the most busy, and half my time it seemed was spent huddling up against my cart of the shelves, clutching a box to my chest or holding my hands folded in front of myself defensively while old people gawked at the shelves, fat people stood and chatted, and children ran screaming up and down the aisle while their parents argued over what type of pickles they wanted.

Lunch went by with me sitting at home, staring at my computer screen, wishing and hoping for something to happen. Something to prove to me I wasn’t crazy, and that there was some hope for freedom yet again, but I saw nothing. No chance, and no hope.

Back at work, I finished stocking my aisle, finally, and then spent a bit of time cleaning up. I put any partially stocked cases up on the riser above the shelves, and then went about the rest of my night, helping where I was told to help.

I walked home, silent and alone.

* * * Day Two * * *

Alarm off, rise, clean up, eat, walk to work. Same Shit, Different Day. I felt the hardness of the concrete beneath the soles of my shoes, and hated it.

Back on my aisle, I stood, huddled up beside my cart as five different groups of people wandered down the aisle, trying to find a way around each other and me, only to be held up behind a particularly fat woman on a scooter, sitting, blinking owlishly up at the shelf as though she had never seen barbecue sauce, before, which would have obviously been a lie.

I ground my teeth, closing my eyes for a moment against the pain in my head and the ache in my heart, and for a moment I saw a beautiful green park, a bright blue sky and a friendly smile on a pink pony’s face.

I blinked back to reality, if that’s what you wanted to call this place I was in, and felt my heart stutter for a moment, before continuing on it’s course.

At break at sat, alone, as usual, and stared off into the distance, seeing nothing.

I finished my aisle before lunch, got everything cleared away and went about helping where they told me to help. HBA, shampoo, soap and razors. Yay.

At lunch I cried in front of my computer, praying for something, anything. But I received no answer.

I finished my work in silence, ignoring or shrugging off anyone who tried to speak to me. Their voices were only causing my head to hurt worse, anyway. I walked home, alone, again, and unlocked my door. I walked inside, stripping off my clothes until I was naked, and went and collapsed into bed. I thought about turning on the computer, for a moment, to look up . . . anything. Anything to take my mind off of this. Funny videos, a swordfighting manual, movie trailers, porn. . . .

In the end, I rolled over and cried myself to sleep.

Alone.

* * * Day Three * * *

Same Shit, Different Day.

Worked my aisle, ate lunch. Nothing special.

Walked home, cried into my ravioli.

Yeah, I’m fucked. This is fucked. Life is fucked.

I stared at the computer, my lip twitching as I fought between weeping and smashing the piece of shit and throwing it in the trash. I stared at the story I had written. At where I left it off.

Fuck my life. Fuck this shit. FUCK!

I glared at the computer, and felt an itch in my fingertips. Before I knew it, I was typing out the experiences I had over the past days. The discomfort, the depression. THe idiots and rude people. The ones who walked by me without looking or even turning their heads, like I didn’t exist. The ones who chewed me out because the store didn’t carry the item they were looking for. The ones who acted like they knew the store better than I did. Because they knew that we carried this item, and I just didn’t know where it was, so they’d look on their own. Managers who don’t give a shit, colleagues who thought I was bad at my job, or who made snide remarks, or who outright acted like I was an idiot who didn’t know what I was doing.

It all came pouring out into the story I had been writing, and when I was done, I collapsed into bed and passed out, not even bothering to turn off my computer.

* * * Day Four * * *

S.S.D.-

SHIT!

I was running late!

I hurried through clean up, didn’t bother eating anything, and got dressed haphazardly.

I got to work without a minute to spare, and ran back to the meeting. The manager had to make a snarky remark about my timing, but I just smiled and nodded, and fell into place.

I went through my day as usual, trying not to get yelled at, or piss anyone off, and most importantly, trying to not lose my cool in the face of the compiled stupidity and rudeness of the people I had to deal with.

My head was killing me, and by the time I got home for lunch, I thought it was going to pop. I took some pills and collapsed into my chair with a bowl of cereal, sighing. I ate several bites, and then glanced up at my computer.

. . . .

Nothing. I sighed, shutting it down, and finished eating. I wanted to cry, but I was too tired. This, then, was what it felt like to have tasted heaven and then be cast out. I found myself feeling a bit of sympathy for Lucifer, oddly enough.

I went back to work, finished my task, and went home, collapsing once more into bed.

Eat, work, sleep, repeat. It’s all I had the energy or the drive to do. It doesn’t take a shrink to recognize the symptoms of depression. But it’s one thing to know you have a problem. Quite another to muster the will or the courage to do something about it.

I needed help, and I had no one to give me any.

No one.

* * * Day Five * * *

S.S.D.D.

I did my job, and went home, and collapsed in front of my dark, silent computer, and stared at it. It was worthless. I was worthless, hopeless, helpless. Nothing was going to happen to save me from this shit. Nothing at all. I stared deep into the darkness of the screen, into my own reflection, cast in the odd, otherworldly way that such screens tend to do.

I thought about it, and knew I was insane. Nothing I thought had happened had happened, it was all in my head. My Little Pony was a cartoon show, fiction, written for children. There wasn’t some other universe out there where it was real. Equestria was not a real place, it didn’t exist. And neither did they. Their faces, real and fully formed, flickered through my mind. Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow, Rarity, Fluttershy, Spike, Starlight, Trixie. . . And Pinkie Pie. I thought about her, thought about the friendly smile always there to make you happy. Thought about her laugh, and her beautiful face. I thought about the warm comfort I remembered so clearly feeling in her arms.

I held it all in my head as I fell into bed, and drifted away to sleep. . . .

* * * ??? * * *

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . .

Author's Note

-- -.-- / -. .- -- . / .. ... / .--. .. -. -.- .. . / .--. .. . --..-- / .- -. -.. / .. / .- -- / .... . .-. . / - --- / ... .- -.-- --..-- / - .... .- - / .. / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / ... -- .. .-.. . --..-- / .- -. -.. / .. .----. .-.. .-.. / -... .-. .. --. .... - . -. / ..- .--. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / -.. .- -.-- --..-- / .... . -.-- --..-- / .... . -.-- .-.-.- / .... . .-.. .-.. --- --..-- / ..-. -.-- .-. . --..-- / .-- . .-.. -.-. --- -- . / .... --- -- .

/)^o^(\

Intermission: Aurora Novum

Twilight sat, humming softly to herself, eyes glued to the book in front of her. She glanced up as she heard the old tree around her creak in displeasure at the howling winds outside, but she knew she was safe in here. The Golden Oak had stood for decades, and it would take more than a bit of wind to bring it down.

She looked down once more at the book on the table with keen interest. She wasn’t entirely certain what the book was about, or even what the words on it’s pages were. Whenever she tried to think of that, her mind seemed to grow fuzzy. Be that as it may, it wasn’t important, and she kept reading with rapt fascination.

She wasn’t sure how much time passed as she read, before she became aware of a feeling, a sensation she wasn’t overly familiar with, but which something inside her told her was that of being stared at. She lifted her head and glanced around, frowning. Upon seeing nothing, however, she lowered her eyes once more to the book in front of her.

She read for several minutes more, when she heard a sound, another creak. She at first attributed it to the tree settling around her again, but something in her mind whispered that it had sounded different. Off, somehow.

She glanced up, ears flicking as she cast her large, lavender eyes around the interior of the tree. “Spike? Is that you?” She called, softly. Only silence answered her, ringing in her ears. Even the wind from outside seemed to have stopped. Looking around, she realized that it must have been much later than she thought it was, as the light from her lamp was throwing a golden halo on the floor around her, and outside that illumination, was nothing but pitch black darkness.

She cleared her throat softly, standing up, and lifted the lamp in her magic, licking her lips softly. “S . . . Spike?” She called again, and again nothing answered but the ringing, deathly silence that had fallen over the Golden Oak.

She swallowed and started walking in the direction she felt the stairs should be in, uncertain of her bearings in the total darkness. She could not understand why she was unable to see anything outside of the circle of light; she couldn’t even see the outline of the library’s windows. She walked, and walked, and then stopped, feeling a chill run up her spine and her breath grow short. The stairs weren’t here, and she had walked far enough that, even had she been going in the wrong direction, she should have hit a wall.

“K-Keep calm, Twilight. There must be a rational explanation for this.” She muttered to herself, looking around. The wood lay beneath her hooves, the floor so familiar to her after so many years of calling this place home. The thought brought an odd sensation of melancholy to her heart, and she wasn’t sure why. Trying to think of it made her head spin.

There was a sound, from behind her, a breath being drawn, short and sharp, and she spun, eyes wide, holding the lamp higher in her magic, trying to spread it’s light farther. “Who’s there?!” She snapped, readying a defensive spell in her mind, just in case. She wasn’t sure what was going on here, but something was wrong, she could feel it.

“Sp-Spike?! If that’s you, you’d better come out! This isn’t funny!” She said, loudly, her voice falling flat in the darkness. She swallowed again, setting out into the darkness, casting about, looking this way and that for some answer as to what was happening, but again only silence and darkness met her.

Silence as she walked across the hardwood floor.

She turned her eyes down, and they widened as she saw, rather than wood, a soft carpet of moss or lichen covering the ground at her hooves. Looking up, she realized she was somewhere in the Everfree Forest. She spun, biting her lip, seeing trees everywhere, and three paths through the trees. She was no stranger to the Everfree, but this place did not look familiar. It certainly wasn’t on the way to Zecora’s hut, that was for sure.

“Spike?! Are you out here?!” She called, and, taking a gamble, set off down one of the paths.

The forest had an unearthly silence to it, wrong even in this place that was always strange. Strange or not, this was still a forest, it still had weather and animals. She could see the branches of the trees, faintly outlined above her, moving in the wind, so why could she not hear them? Why were there no sounds of the forest animals moving about. Even this late, there should be some scurrying about here and there.

“F-Fluttershy? Are you here?!” She called softly, voice cracking in fear as she moved through the trees. The silence was broken again by a drawn breath, from somewhere to her right, and she spun, lifting her torch above her head, it’s flickering light glowing across the faces of the trees around her. But there was nothing there.

She shook her head. “Get control of yourself, Twilight!” She snapped, turning and continuing at a faster pace down the forest trail, looking for any sign of somepony she knew. Any sign that she wasn’t lost in the Everfree at night.

She found nothing. Nothing but more darkness, more silence. More path. She turned around at some point, hoping to make her way back to the nexus of paths that she had started at, but after walking what seemed like for ages, much longer than she had going the other way, she still had not found it.

“Fluttershy?! Where are you?!” She called, loudly, voice laced with panic. “Applejack?! Starlight?! Rainbow Dash?! Is anypony here?!” She felt like her heart was running a marathon in her chest, and this was only made worse by the continued, occasional noises around her. A twig snap here, a breath there. At one point, she even thought she heard a masculine voice whispering her name.

“Who’s there?! What do you want from me?!” She screamed, her panic and fear finally getting the best of her.

”Twilight.”

With a scream, she spun, her lamp flaring, and it lit up a nightmare; a bright red face, monkey like with obscene proportions, cowled in darkness and with a large, bristling white mustache above a mouth filled with fangs. She screamed again, spinning around and running through the woods.

Flames licked at her tail and mane as she leaped through the fire that burned all around her, clearing a fallen log. Somewhere in her mind, her logic center made the connection that she must’ve dropped her lantern, but it was a fleeting thought, as she could hear whatever that thing was behind her, in front of her, all around her.

Occasionally, it would appear from no where, towering above her, red face wrapped in a cloak of shadow, and she would turn and run, and run, and run, and run. . . .

She ran until she tripped, falling, tumbling, sliding down a slope and to the bottom of a ravine. She looked up, finding herself on the Pie family farm, and she scurried to her hooves, running as fast as possible for the end of the ravine. She could see the farmhouse, in the distance, on the opposite side of a field, past the end of the ravine. But, no matter how hard she ran, flew or even teleported herself, the end of the ravine never grew any closer, and behind her she could feel that thing growing closer, closer. . . .

She felt it reach out, felt it’s hand like a brand on her flank, and she screamed. With every breath she could take, she screamed. . . .

. . . . . . . . . .

And then she woke up.

* * * * *

Luna sat back in her throne as Twilight finished regaling her and her sister with the tale. The Lunar Princess ought to have been in bed, now, fast asleep in her own dreams, but Celestia had called for her, telling her that Twilight was in need of help. Her sister’s tone made it clear this was no trifle, and Luna had hurried to the throne room.

Twilight sat, along with her friends, in the middle of the room. Aside from Starlight and Trixie, the other five all looked exhausted. Even Spike looked like he’d had a bad night’s sleep. Luna simply could not understand it. All five stated that they had received similar nightmares, the night before. That they had been doing something peaceful, or normal, or relaxing. Normal dreams, but which had shifted to nightmare upon them each becoming aware of a sensation of being watched. Upon going to investigate, the dreams had fallen apart, becoming chaotic and terrifying, as the ponies were stalked by an unknown horror. Of the six, only Twilight had actually seen this entity, but to Luna’s mind there was no doubt the same creature was involved.

It made no sense. How could something have stepped into any of her ponies’ dreams without her being aware? She had not even sensed that any of the Element Bearers had any dreams, the night before, which in itself had struck her as strange, though not unheard of. Six ponies sharing a night of dreamless sleep is one thing. Six ponies, and all close friends, bonded by love as well as magic, all sharing a night of nightmares, however? That was more than mere coincidence.

Luna stood, looking down at the friends beneath her and nodded. “My little ponies, fear not. I will, with your permission, enter each of your dreams this evening, and try to get to the bottom of this.”

Twilight and her friends all looked at her with relief and hope, knowing that if anypony could help them, it was Luna. “Oh, thank you, Princess Luna. Thank you so much!” Twilight said, smiling, and her friends all seconded her statement.

“Yeah, thanks, Princess, you’re awesome!”

“Super-dee-duper-dee!”

“Thank you ever so much, Your Highness!”

“Oh, if it’s not too much trouble, Princess, that would be lovely.”

“That’d be a mighty fine thing, ta have yer help, Princess!”

Even Starlight, Trixie and Spike all smiled and showed their appreciation. After that, the exhausted crew all left, talking softly amongst themselves. Luna sat in quiet contemplation at the task ahead of her, chewing her lip.

She was interrupted by the feeling of eyes upon her, and turned to see her sister staring at her.

“I have not seen you this withdrawn in a long time, Sister. What is the matter?”

“I am not sure, Tia. This. . . . It reminds me of the Tantabus, but that being is gone, brought back inside of me and put to rest where it belongs. I don’t know what this is.”

“You did not sense their nightmares?”

“No, Sister. There are only a few things that can do that. If we are lucky, it is something simple, an excitivit somnus, perhaps, although I doubt it. It would take a lucid dreamer of some power and skill to do this, and I am fairly certain there are none of that magnitude alive anymore.”

“And if we are not lucky?”

Luna looked up at her sister, chewing her lip. “I do not wish to think about that, dear Sister.” She said, and left it at that.

Standing, Luna shook out her mane and nodded to her sister. “Wake me early, tonight, if you would, Tia. I must get my rest. I have a busy night ahead.”

Author's Note

;) Hope you all enjoy this little tidbit, and you can expect more like it in the future, as we enter a New Dawn for Pony Plots. :rainbowdetermined2:

Welcome to my Nightmare

~ Arc III ~
Dulci Somnii

I wasn’t sure where I was when I opened my eyes, or what time it was. That should have panicked me, as I knew I needed to be back to work, but I just didn’t care anymore. I slowly raised my head out of the soft, cool cradle of my pillow and glanced around.

It was then I realized I wasn’t in my room, this wasn’t my bed, and I was in trouble, in exactly that order.

My first clue was the blanket of stars up above me, sparkling gently in the night sky. Upon observing this, I blinked, realizing that my little futon had never felt this soft, comfy or. . . wet? Glancing down, I realized I was laying on a cloud. It was then that my brain decided to remind me that one could not lay on a cloud, at which point physics kicked back into gear, and I dropped through the heavy bank of moisture and began to plummet towards the spinning earth below.

Yeah, that was about when I figured out I was in trouble.

“SHIIIIITTTT!!!!” I screamed as I fell blindly through the darkness, wind whipping through my hair and whistling in my ears. The screams of terror were ripped from my throat and lost to the night sky and the merciless pull of gravity.

As I fell, and my body panicked and flailed to no avail to find a way to halt my descent, my brain seemed irrationally calm, thoughts moving steadily along through it. How did I get here? Where was here? How had I been sitting on that cloud?

. . . . . . . . . .

It was that thought that made me stop struggling, my screams dying away and a frown curling my brow. That was . . . a very, very good question. How had I been atop that cloud when I woke up? And how did I get from my bedroom to here? Such a blatant disregard for the laws of physics and reality would only make sense if I was. . . .

With a sudden jolt, I simply stopped falling. I glanced down and realized that I could not see anything beneath me, aside from an expanse of stars, shimmering and glinting, the same as were above my head, and all around. I turned about and blinked as my eyes landed upon an innocuous sight; a door, apparently floating in midair. It was painted a deep blue colour, and had what looked like stars dotting it, as well, and a small window, shaped like a crescent moon. The sight brought a sense of familiarity, as though I had seen it before, but for the life of me, I could not place where.

Feeling an insatiable urge, I stepped forward slowly, the sensation of doing so when there was nothing apparently beneath me rather unnerving, and came to a stop in front of the door. This close, I saw that the stars weren’t painted on, but instead glimmered just like those in the sky around me. I slowly reached out a hand, and hesitated before the doorknob. With a surreal sort of logic, the sort that comes along with dreaming, it occurred to me that it might be rude just to barge in through this door, and so instead, I raised my hand and knocked three times. Each one echoed for no apparent reason through the empty air around me, as though the sound was bouncing off of the million and one stars twinkling softly in the darkness.

With a soft click and hushed sound of moving air, the door opened of its own accord, yawning wide to reveal darkness on the other side. For the first time, I felt a sense of foreboding. Probably due to the horror-esque feel of the moment, and I took a step back, swallowing hard as I looked into the darkness. “H. . . Hello?” I asked, like every moron in every horror film ever.

There was no response, only silence from the other side. I stared into those shadows, eyes straining to see something, anything, that might give me a hint as to what lay on the other side, but the blackness was impenetrable.

I was starting to think that maybe I should turn about and leave well enough alone, and pondered on how I had the wherewithal in a dream to think that at all, when I heard something. Or, at least, I thought I did. It was a soft sound, not even a whisper, just a breath of air. It came from within the dark, on the other side of the door. I felt a shot of adrenaline blast through my system, and swallowed past a lump of fear in my throat. I took another step backwards, biting my lip. “Who’s there?” I asked, steeling my voice to sound manly and brave. It came out as more of a squeak, but I count it as a victory that I was able to say anything at all.

For a long moment, there was silence, and I slowly leaned forward, focused on listening to the darkness beyond the doorway. As seconds ticked by in my head, I began to think I had simply imagined it, and again wondered what kind of dream this was that it would feel so real, so visceral, and wherein I could think so clearly.

Fyre. . .

I jumped at the faint but very real sound of my name that drifted as though on a fog out of the doorway. I took a step back, swallowing hard, eyes wide, and ground my teeth to keep from screaming, as my pulse pounded in my chest and my veins screamed with an overflow of adrenaline.

Fyre. . .

“Who are you?!” I snapped in a panic as I staggered back from the door. Something in my head, a small voice of reason, was trying to tell me that, through the distortion, there was something very familiar about the voice, feminine, strong and powerful, yet kind and empathetic at once. But at the moment, I was a bit too preoccupied with hyperventilating to notice. This was only made worse when my attempted retreat from the door was suddenly halted and I looked down to find myself encompassed in a deep blue aura that sent tingles all over my skin. I screamed in raw panic.

Fyre? The voice seemed almost concerned now, and was quickly losing it’s distortion. However, at that moment the aura went from tingling to sending little pinpricks through my flesh, and I started moving towards the door, against my will. This of course did not help the panic, and I began struggling, my ability to reason quickly flying out the window. . . if there had been a window, that is. Although, I guess there was one on the door. . . Actually, never mind.

The aura attempted to pull me through the door, into that yawning maw of blackness on the other side, and I could just see some gigantic monster waiting to eat me. Maybe that’s why it was so dark! Maybe this was literally just the mouth of a monster, and I had been yelling down it’s freakin’ throat for the last five minutes! I screamed, and managed to reach out an arm and grab the frame of the ‘door’ with one hand. How I got the hand free from the aura, I didn’t know and didn’t care. I latched on and clung for dear life. The aura pulsed for a moment with something I could only describe as impatience, and gave me a sharp tug.

Fyre, let go of the door. There was that voice again, sounding all familiar and comforting, clearly trying to get me to drop my guard so it could eat me!

“No!” I snapped. Ha! That showed it!

”Let go of the door, Fyren.”

That time the voice was less comforting and more. . . yeah, definitely impatient. Geez, was I about to die at the hands of the Elder God of Fat Chicks? Nommed liked a twinkie! What a sucky way to die! Ah, Hel no!

“Fuck off, you eldritch abomination!” I shouted at the top of my lungs into the gaping blackness on the other side of the door, which was looming closer in spite of my grip on the door.

”Fyren! You are going to break your fingers, now let go!”

“I said, fuck. Off!” Damn, this thing was persistent! And what did it care if my fingers were broken, it was just going to eat me, anyway!

One of these days, I’ll learn to calm down and think rationally in these situations, I swear.

. . . . . . . . . .

I felt the darkness on the other side of the door shift, heard it draw in a deep breath in frustration and consternation. There was a small flicker of blue light on the other side of the door, somewhere in all the darkness, and then. . . .

”FYREN LOKIEIÐR, YOU WILL RELEASE THAT DOOR FRAME THIS INSTANT, OR I SWEAR ON MY SISTER’S NAME, I WILL DRAG YOU IN HERE, BROKEN FINGERS OR NOT!!!”

Now THAT voice was familiar on a whole other level. The volume was such that it whipped my hair back from my face, and caused me to lean backwards, in spite of the tight grip of the magical aura that surrounded me. In such a moment, my mind went blank, and my fingers released the door frame without my conscious approval, and, like a whip, I was snatched through the portal and into the darkness.

I fell apart, literally, as I seemed to tumble in all directions at once, spinning around and around without end, like a sock in a dryer. But, even though the sock may feel as though it’s journey is without end, eventually, it does come to a stop, and, like that sock, I smacked hard into the earth without warning, and lay there with a groan.

The first thing I noticed upon opening my eyes was the grass, soft and green under the moonlight that shone down from above. Then, I saw the shoes. They weren’t shoes as I normally would think of them, but that is what they were, nonetheless, and I knew this. They were made of silver, and shaped in such a way that they gracefully fitted the hooves of their owner with curves and spirals, looking like something from a Druid’s wet dream.

I ran my eyes up the shapely, slender forelegs, covered in fur that was a rich shade of midnight blue, up to the chest, strong and covered with a breastplate of blackened steel, marked in argent with a crescent moon and stars. Past that, up her graceful neck, to her face, beautiful in the light of the stars and moons that she had planned and placed with meticulous care in the night sky. Her wings were flared out above and behind her, framing her and making her seem even taller than she was.

“You are a very, very vexing mortal, Fyren Lokieiðr.” Princess Luna said, her tone sounding none too pleased, and I gulped, staring up at her, utterly enraptured. In all my time in Equestria, I had never actually gotten to meet either of the royal sisters, although Twilight had told me that they were both very interested in my circumstances and wished to meet me. I had wound up being dropped back onto Earth Prime before the chance had arisen. To suddenly and without warning find myself lying on the ground before one of them, and the one to whom I granted the title of ‘Best Princess’, no less, was a shock to the system. The fact that I had spent the last week growing more and more certain that nothing of my time in Equestria had been real probably didn’t help, either.

And so, looking up in those piercing blue eyes, that gorgeous face, that flowing mane which held all the stars in the sky in it’s flowing locks, I could find but one thing, and one thing only to say.

“Whut?”

Author's Note

And here we are, folks! Back where we belong! I’m sorry for the delay, and all the broken promises, to those who’ve been following my blogs up to this point. I’m going to stop making promises regarding stories. My muse is fickle, and often tied to my emotional state. If I get really depressed, she tends to simply leave me all together. I might have ideas that I find interesting, but none of them stick around, or else I start them, and then lose interest. I will however state that, as I said, this story is not over. It’s gonna be weird, and random, and I have no idea what the future holds for it, but, for now, look forward once more to weekly updates. ;)

Excitavit Somnus

Excitivit Somnia

She blinked down at me for a moment, and then a smile lifted the corners of her mouth and she shook her head. “Oh, my dear mortal, you really are full of it, aren’t you?” She said, chuckling softly, and I shook my head, blinking in shock, and then, realizing where I was at, exactly, I scurried up onto one knee and bowed my head.

“Princess! I . . . I’m sorry, I just. . . Wha-?!” Her laughter cut me off, and I glanced up to see her trying in vain to cover her mouth and keep her deep, rich laugh contained. She shook her head, holding up a hoof towards me.

“I-I’m sorry, Fyren, I know you must be confused, it is simply. . . Oh, never mind. Rise, child, there is no need to kneel like that!”

I scurried to my feet, finding that her head came up to the middle of my chest. Somehow, this didn’t make her any less imposing or impressive to look at or be near, and I felt myself bouncing from one foot to another like a nervous child. She noticed and, chuckling, put one wing around me. “It is nice, to meet someone who feels so strongly about my presence. Most such childlike awe is kept for my sister.” Her gaze went distant momentarily, and I knew she was probably thinking about what that fact had once led to.

The knowledge stilled my excitement, although it was still there, and I waited silently for her to come back to herself. However, my gaze was drawn away from my princess to the landscape around us. I frowned as I took it in. It was a beautiful Equestrian night, but. . .

“Princess, if you don’t mind my asking, where are we, exactly? I don’t recognize anything around here.”

She looked up, blinking and smiled slightly. “No, you wouldn’t. This is the dream realm, Fyren. Specifically, we are inside my own dreamscape, now.”

I glanced at her, eyes wide. “This is your dream?” I asked, wondering why she would have brought me here.

She nodded. “Yes. You see, I need your help, Fyren. But, with you gone back to your own world, I could not reach you, even through the dream realm, using my waking mind. I had to let myself dream, in order to travel deeply enough into dreamspace to find you.”

I blinked, my mouth opening as it finally dawned on me, as it truly sunk in. This was real. Well, it was a dream, technically, but it was real. I hadn’t dreamed it, before, I hadn’t lost my mind. I had been to Equestria, and here I was, talking to Princess Luna in her own dreamscape. She had traveled through the dream realms to find me, because she . . . needed my help?

“What do you mean, my help? What can I possibly do that you can’t?” I asked, dumbfounded, and she glanced at me, a worried expression on her face.

“There is a threat in Equestria, Fyren. One which I fear has it’s roots in your own world.”

“What?!”

She nodded softly at my outburst. “I understand your shock. It had me confused for some time as well. Ponies, especially Twilight and her friends, have been being plagued by nightmares for several nights now. They are being hunted, chased by some creature that they only catch glimpses of.”

As she spoke, she led me around a winding path through a grove a trees, until we came out on the shore of a small lake, it’s waters reflecting the beauty of the moon like a mirror. At it’s center sat a small island, shaded by a lovely tree. With a glow of her horn, we were suddenly standing on the island, under the tree, and she sat beneath it’s boughs, and I sat across from her, cross legged on the soft soil.

She continued: “At Twilight’s behest, I entered each of their dreams last night, and attempted to catch the being responsible. He eluded capture, however I did get a good look at him. He is a human, like yourself, but he has a power that you do not yet possess. He is an Excitivit Somniorum. An Awakened Dreamer. He has the ability to lucid dream.”

I gaped at her, shaking my head. “So. . . So, wait. He came into their dreams? I thought only you could do things like that, Princess?”

She shook her head, smiling softly, though her eyes remained serious. “No, Fyren. I am a dreamwalker, yes, but I am far from the only one. There are many such beings, from all over the multiverse, like the Sandman, from your own reality, who can step into creatures’ dreams to aid or hinder their sleep. It is true, however, that most mortals lack this ability, however a rare few who have mastered the art of lucid dreaming, or excitivit somnia, in old Ponish, can sometimes do so. However, only a true master can create a portal between two realms of the multiverse, which, I fear, is what this man is trying to do.”

I blinked, overwhelmed by the knowledge before me, and so latched on to something I could do, a question I could ask while my brain processed all of this information. “You know about the multiverse?”

She chuckled softly. “Oh, yes, Fyren. Pinkie Pie, while unique, for a mortal, in her ability to bridge the divide between realms while awake, is not the only one who can do so. The dreamrealms encompass all of reality, after all, and knows no barriers. I believe Pinkie Pie told you of the Ether, correct?”

At my nod, she continued. “Simply put, the dreamrealms are the part of the Ether that is closest to reality. That said, they are not connected simply to any one reality, and those of us who know how can use them as a bridge between worlds.”

And now, finally, my mind latched on to something. Something concrete. “You mean you can travel between realities? Between universes?” She must have seen the fire of dawning realization in my eyes for a smile played over her muzzle.

“Indeed, Fyren. Those who have truly mastered the power can do so, but, only if they have a concrete connection to the reality they are travelling to. For instance, if you knew how to lucid dream, you could use your close friendship with the Element bearers to travel to Equestria from your own world, or vice versa.”

My mind was alight, on fire with this knowledge. A way to return to Equestria of my own will! I looked at Luna and took a breath, frowning. “I . . . I don’t suppose you could teach me how to do that, then, could you?” I asked, not holding out much hope.

Much to my surprise, she laughed. “In fact, Fyren, that is exactly why I brought you here!”

I looked at her in shock for a moment, then narrowed my eyes. “Let me guess. In exchange, you want my help catching this guy, right?”

She nodded slowly. “Indeed, Fyren. A lucid dreamer is a difficult opponent, even for one such as myself. He can shape and control the dream around himself, as well as make doorways to other dreams. If I cannot chain him to a single dream, or find him in reality, I can do nothing to stop him myself.”

I sat back on my heels, licking a tooth in thought. It wasn’t too odd to me, what she was saying. I remembered how much difficulty she had in catching the Tantabus, when it had been going haywire through everypony’s dreams. From what she was saying, a lucid dreamer had much the same ability to escape her, but without the handy factor of being emotionally tied to her own mind. No amount of accepting herself or coming to terms with her emotions would help her catch this guy.

“What does he want here? Do you know?”

She shook her head sadly. “No. He seems to be obsessed with Twilight and her friends, the Element Bearers, as well as a few others in Ponyville. He goes into their dreams and stalks them, turning what may have been a pleasant experience into a nightmare.”

I narrowed my eyes in thought, an idea starting to form already in my head. Noticing, she lifted an eyebrow. “What is it?”

I shook me head. “I don’t know, yet. I need more intel, but in order to get that, I think you need to teach me this trick.”

She nodded. “Very well, Fyren Lokieiðr. Come, kneel before me.” She said, and I moved forward, placing myself on both knees before her and bowed my head. I felt her lean over me, felt her horn touch my head, the tip scratching along my scalp, and then I felt the tingle of her magic, right before the neurons in my brain erupted into fire, and my vision went white. . . .

Author's Note

All aboard the exposition train! So, what do you guys think of my ideas regarding the Dreamrealms? Please, let me know what you think! ;)

Reality(TM)

With a gasp, I jerked awake and looked around. My bedroom greeted me, and I sank back against the wall as I got my breathing under control. I glanced aside at the clock and blew a breath out of my nose as I felt my heart sink. It had all been a dream. Again, I had my prize dangled in front of me, only to be snatched away by the cruel hand of reality. And, to make matters worse, I was an hour late for work. Why I had not heard my alarm go off, I’ll never know, but-

”Fyren, can you hear me?”

“WAAHH! FUCKME!!!” I screamed, jumping so hard I fell off the bed, blankets tangled around my feet. I jumped up, only to promptly fall once more to the ground. I finally got my feet untangled and looked around, but saw that I was alone in my room. “What the fuck?!”

”I’ll take that as a ‘yes’. Are you alright?”

“Luna?! Where. . . how. . . ?!”

”The spell snapped you back to your conscious state. I am however hopeful that it worked, as enough of your consciousness has remained here to allow me to speak with you.”

I blinked, rubbing my eyes, and shook my head. “So, wait. . . what, are we telepathically linked, now, or something?”

“In a sense, yes. As a lucid dreamer, a part of your conscious mind will remain here in the Dreamrealms at all times. What this means is that any other lucid dreamers, or Dreamwalkers like myself, can communicate with you, so long as they can form a connection. In this case, I am the one that gifted you with the ability in the first place.”

“Wow.” I muttered, feeling my heart swell once more as I realized that it hadn’t been a dream. I looked once more at my clock and a grin spread across my face. Work could go fuck itself. My Princess needed me, and I’d be damned if I let her down. With that thought making me equal parts determined and giddy, I sat down on the edge of my bed. “Okay. Okay, what do I do now?”

”Lay down, and I will teach you how to enter the Dreamrealms without falling into a natural sleep, first.”

I did as instructed, laying down on my back and making myself comfortable. ”Good. Now, close your eyes and relax. Focus on your breathing, and your breathing only. When it is all you can hear and all you can think of, then picture a place, any place. Somewhere you know well, and feel comfortable in. That will become your corner of the Dreamrealms. Once you have it in your mind, hold it there, and focus on it. Stay focused on it, and it alone, until it becomes real. . . .

I wasn’t sure when her voice started to tune out, or when I stopped hearing her altogether, but once I did become aware, I felt a moment of panic, and my fingers scrabbled around me, seeking purchase. They clenched against the earth, grass tickling my palms, and I opened my eyes, sucking in a breath as I realized that I was sitting under the tree in Ponyville Park. I looked around, realizing that I could not see past a circle about twenty feet in diameter, for beyond that lay a thick, blanket like fog. I assumed this was tied to my own power and memory. The area I could see however, was a nearly perfect reproduction of the little pond and the tree that I and RD would hang out beside on summer days. I could almost feel the sun warming my back as well.

“Well done, Fyren.”

I jumped a bit and spun, finding Luna standing on the opposite side of the clearing, next to the pond. “It’s small, but fairly detailed. This sort of construct is difficult for someone with so little experience, usually.”

“Really? Does that mean I’m a natural, or something?”

She chuckled. “Hardly, it simply means you are receiving a boon due to our connection. Although, if you want to talk about natural. . . . “ With a quirked eyebrow, she ran her eyes over me, and I looked down, realizing I was completely nude. I hastily covered mini-me with both hands, feeling him twitching a bit in response to the Princess’ gaze.

No! Bad dick! Royalty not for you!

At her laughter, I looked up and blushed all the harder. She waved a hoof at me. “Oh, Fyren, you’re fine. Truly. No pony wears clothing all the time, and it’s not considered a taboo. And if you think it’s free now days, a thousand years ago it was even more so. And, you must remember, that sometimes still feels like yesterday, to me.”

I blush harder and smile, nodding. “Well, thanks for that, Princess, but I still feel a bit uncomfortable. Uhh. . . .”

“If you wish to have clothing, then make yourself some.”

“Whut?”

She laughed again and shook her head. “Fyren, you are a lucid dreamer, and this is your Dreamscape. In here, you are fully in control of everything. Anything you can imagine, you can make real.”

I blinked, and looked down at myself. I closed my eyes for a moment, concentrating, and felt soft cloth around my waist. Opening my eyes, I found myself wearing the black kilt that Rarity had made for me, back when I first arrived in Equestria. “Whoa. That is . . . freakin’ AWESOME!”

She chuckled and nodded. “Indeed. And, I encourage you to experiment with these powers. As our quest will take us through the Dreamrealms, they could prove invaluable.”

I nodded, rubbing my chin in thought as she turned, looking into the pond.

“It has been a long time since last I faced an adversary like this, Fyren. He is powerful in his Dreaming, and I wonder if he could have gained this level of mastery on his own. If there is something more going on here, some dark power or cunning plan behind his abilities and his actions, we must find out, no matter the cost. Right now, he threatens Equestria’s best weapon of defense against the darkness, the very Elements of Harmony themselves. If he is trying to harm them, or subvert them, he may mean to do more. Perhaps even to conquer the kingdom! Even if his vision is not so grandiose, he cannot be allowed to persist in his strange, nightmarish escapades. Such an abuse of the powers of the lucid dreamer is the height of dishonour, and must be punished with all due-”

There was a giggle which interrupted her, and she turned around, blinking.

I was sitting on my back on an amazingly comfortable sofa, being fed savory butter rolls and Zingers by Aloe and Lotus, while AJ and RD were cuddling in front of me. Of course, it wasn’t really them, just my imaginary construct of them. I pointed my finger at them, grinning from ear to ear like an idiot (which I was) and uttered a command.

“Now . . . kiss!”

“Fyren.”

I glanced up, and saw Luna staring at me with a blank look on her face, while the constructs in front of me began to make out loudly, their mouths making wet slurping, popping noises. I cleared my throat and glanced around. “Um. . . Right. . . Abuse of power, and all that. . . . stuff. . . “

She sighed, and with a flicker of her horn, banished all of my constructs, leaving me lying in the dirt where the sofa had once sat. Even the flavour of the rolls had gone from my mouth. It was at that moment, thinking about how much effort it had taken me to conjure all of that, here in my own demense within the Dreamrealms, and she, an outsider to it, had simply made it all cease to exist, without a second thought or a drop of sweat, that I realized how scary Luna had the potential to be.

Celestia was a solar goddess. I had no doubt in my mind that she could cook the entire world in the sun’s flame if she so desired. Luna. . . Luna was just as powerful, but hers was a much subtler power. The power of dreams and shadows.

I rose from the ground as she stood before me, face frozen in a mien of displeasure, wings flared out in a threatening, dominating posture. I knelt before her and bowed my head. “My apologies, Your Highness. I swear to you, I will take this seriously from now on. Plenty of time for fun later.”

She stared down at me for a moment, and then nodded, once. Her wings slowly folded back, and then, surprisingly, she smirked softly, shaking her head. “They would make a cute couple, wouldn’t they?” She said, locking eyes with me, and I smiled sheepishly and hung my head.

“Now, back to work. As we are hunting one of your own kind, I will let you take the lead. However, don’t forget who is in charge, Sir Knight.”

At her words, I felt my chest swell. In a flash, I was standing beside her, no longer wearing my kilt, but instead a pair of trousers and a tunic, over which was a surcoat divided between red and blue squares, and emblazoned on the front was an open book, overlaying a pair of crossed swords and a golden annulet, a ring of fidelity. It was basically the cutie mark I had made up for my OC, a long time ago.

I gripped the hilt of a short arming sword on my left hip, over which was slung the small round disk of a buckler and, bowing my head and placing my right hand over my heart, I swore and oath. “As you wish, My Princess.” I said.

I had always wanted to be a knight.

Author's Note

Okay, so, not sure yet, but the next chapter might be a touch late in coming. It’s proving to be longer than my usual, and a bit of a pain to write, although pretty fun at the same time. We’re gonna have a return of some of the story’s typical sense of humour, along with a character who is a fan fave, and one I hope I do justice for you all. I’ll keep you updated, if it looks like the chapter will be late.

Hope you’re all enjoying it, and until next time, ponies! Harmonia Resurgent!

Hands On Experience

As I should have suspected, Luna had taken my oath with all due seriousness. For her, the age of Chivalric knights and high valour was no long gone memory, but only yesterday.

So, after her acceptance of my fealty, I stood and looked around, biting my lip. “So. . . I’m in the lead, huh?” She nodded, and I reciprocated, looking around in thought, and this time not in an attempt to come up with something lewd to create.

“Who was the last one to have a nightmare?” I asked, figuring that was our best bet for a lead.

“Lyra Heartstrings was visited, earlier tonight, before I came and found you. That was the dream that I lost his trail in.”

“Lyra? Hm. Do you think she’d still be dreaming?”

Luna nodded. “Tis likely, Fyren. I left her in better spirits, and a happier dream. I only hope he did not dare to return after my departure.”

“Can you not trace him?”

“No. It vexes me most direly. As I said, he appears to be beyond the skills of a normal mortal dreamer. Even a lucid dreamer should not so easily lose me in the Dreamrealms.”

I frowned thoughtfully, and nodded. “Alright, then. To Lyra’s dream! Um. . . I might need a little help, getting started, though.” I say, smiling weakly. She returns my smile with one full of confidence.

“Of course, Sir Fyren. Make yourself comfortable, and meditate in the same way you used to get here.” She said, settling herself on the ground, and I did the same, shifting my sword aside as I sat cross legged before her. I let my eyes drift shut, focusing on my breathing. In, out. . . in, out. . . in. . . out. . . . . . . in. . . . . . . . . out. . . . . . . . . . .

”Good, Fyren. Now. . . . Picture Lyra, in as much detail as you can. . . . . Picture her, and focus upon her image.”

Obeying without thought, I saw her in my mind’s eye, her minty green coat, and lighter, wintergreen mane and tail. Her big golden eyes smiling at me in awestruck wonder, and the little gold lyre on her flanks. It was the way she looked the first time we met. I had not spent much time around her, mostly due to her insatiable curiosity, and odd obsession with my hands. . . .

It made me feel a bit bad, though. She always seemed like a nice enough pony, and probably a good friend to those she cared for. It was just hard to spend time around her when all she wanted to do was touch my hands and talk about how humans sat.

With her image in my head, firm and concrete, I felt something shift, and, without being told to, I opened my eyes. Before me lay a door, green and with an image of lyres painted on it’s face, a small, round window looking out onto nothing on the other side.

Sensing movement, I glanced to my left and saw Luna step up beside me. She gave me an encouraging smile and a nod, and I smiled back, before turning to the door. There was no telling at this moment what might lie on the other side, and I must be ready. Settling my sword on my hip, I walked up and, once again feeling it was the right thing to do, lifted my hand and knocked, softly.

Upon receiving no answer, I glanced back at Luna, seeing her smile. “Not all are lucid dreamers, Sir Fyren, and even fewer are Dreamwalkers. Lyra will not be aware enough to answer your knock, I believe. We should simply enter. It is alright, she is unlikely to even know we are there, unless we make our presence known, first.”

Nodding, I bit my lip, turning back to the door. Reaching out, I gripped the knob, gave it a slow turn until the latch clicked softly, and then I pushed the door open, revealing once more a gaping darkness. Luna walked through without hesitation, and, taking a breath, I followed her, deep into the unknown.

* * * * *

It seemed that we only walked sideways down a vertically horizontal hall for a few seconds, and then we stepped out of a doorway that, on the way out, seemed identical to that which we came through. I even heard the door swing shut behind us, however upon turning, I discovered nothing but a clock ticking away on a low mantle above a crackling fireplace.

Turning back to our present location, my eyes surveyed my surroundings, looking for every little nuance of evidence that there might be, hidden about the area, which might lead us to an inevitable, and no doubt awesome showdown with our nemesis.

What I found was a very, very ordinary looking living room, by Equestrian standards. It featured a sofa, a couple of chairs, all arrayed before the fireplace, and therefore us. Sitting on the sofa was the minty green unicorn who, upon my princess’ orders, had filled my minds eye but a moment before.

“Oh, yes. . . You’re so . . . so handsome! So strong, and dextrous! And you know alll the right spots!” Her words were spoken in a breathy moan that made it seem she might be seconds away from orgasm. Surely, you might think, she was being made sweet love to by some dashing rogue of a stallion, or perhaps she was dreaming of her dearest friend, BonBon. Yes, that must surely be it!

But, no, you forget who you’re dealing with. No, in Lyra’s dream, at present, she was being massaged by a disembodied, larger than life floating human hand.

Because of course she was.

I will admit, the sight, and the sounds the mare was making, were somehow oddly arousing, and I had to fight to keep my budding excitement from being visibly noticeable. Clearing my throat, and I took a step forward. “Uh, Lyra?”

She moaned softly, stretching under the continued ministrations of the hand, and I tugged at my collar, licking a tooth in thought, before shifting my feet nervously and glancing back at Luna. The princess simply smiled slightly and lifted and eyebrow, looking between myself and the unicorn before us.

I gulped and turned back to the sight, biting my lip. Then, clearing my throat once more, I stood up to my full height. “Lyra Heartstrings.” I said, in a louder, firmer tone of voice, in some attempt to gain control of the situation. This time Lyra noticed. And that might not have been such a good thing.

She blinked and looked about, her golden gaze falling upon me. She froze for a second, her eyes widening, mouth opening, before it curved into a manic grin. In a flash, the disembodied hand disappeared, and she had leaped from the sofa, coming to a halt in front of me, standing on her hind legs, her face about level with my chin.

“Fyren! Ohhh! You’re back! FYREN!” She exclaimed, grinning like an idiot, then, while I was attempting to formulate a response appropriate to the gravitas of the situation, she leaped upon me, bowling me over onto my back. She pinned me to the floor, and her mouth found mine, her tongue sliding into it without a second’s hesitation.

Lyra practically ate my face for several long moments, before coming up for air, and leaving me a tousled, mind-fucked mess on the floor. “Whaaa?”

Luna’s muffled snickering brought me back to myself enough to glance up at here, where she stood nearby.

She smirked down at me. “The waking mind is oft beleaguered by inhibitions and fears, societal constraints. ‘What would my neighbours think? Or the pony at the shop?’ The sleeping mind, on the other hoof. . . . “ She glanced at Lyra, and I followed her gaze, just then realizing what I was feeling. The unicorn had one of my hands between her hooves and was sucking on the middle and ring fingers, in a very. very sexual manner. There was no hiding my reaction at this point, and I sat up uncomfortably, looking at Luna with a blush.

She simply smiled. “There is nothing wrong with enjoying it, my knight. However, we are here on business, not pleasure, and it would probably be best to snap her out of it.”

“Happily.” I said, grinning like a loon, before glancing down at the lust maddened mare who was still nomming, quite adorably I might add, on my digits. “How?!” I asked, looking up at my princess with panic in my face. Luna simply giggled.

“How indeed, my knight? What do you think?”

I bit my lip, and glanced down at Lyra again, thinking.

Finally, after wracking my brain for some time, I had the thought to simply tell her she was dreaming and that we needed to talk.

It takes a bit, but sometimes I’m almost clever.

Not smart, just clever.

Don’t judge me.

Anyway. . . .

“Lyra!” I snapped, and she stopped her oral ministration of my fingers and rolled her big gold eyes up to look at me.

“You’re dreaming.” I said, narrowing my eyes. She sat for a long second, blinking at me, then slowly popped my fingers out of her mouth.

“Yeah, I kinda figured. . . . Was nice, though. Guess I’m about to wake up, huh?”

“Uh, no. Not at all. Actually, we need to talk.”

“Uh. . . What? I mean, usually when my dreams start telling me their dreams, it means I’m about to wake up. Wait, is this some weird, like, intervention thing by my subconscious? Is it about my hand fetish? Look, I don’t care what everypony thinks, I can’t help it!”

“No, no! Lyra, calm down! This isn’t your subconscious! It’s me, Lyra. It’s Fyren!”

She paused, blinking at me again slowly. “Um. . . Right. . . How?”

I blinked back at her, opening my mouth and kind of blanked on how, exactly, I was supposed to explain the whole ‘reality hopping dream magic’ thing, when there was the soft sound of somepony clearing her throat, and Luna’s presence returned to my knowledge.

Lyra turned, laid her eyes on the princess, and they promptly went quite wide. “Oh! That’s how!” She exclaimed, then dropped into a low bow, blushing quite furiously as it all suddenly sunk in on her that not only had she actually been lavishing my fingers with her mouth like Linda Lovelace at a sausage stand, but she had been doing so in front of the princess of the night.

I’d be blushing too, if . . . oh, alright, I was blushing. A lot.

I mean, come on! I’m on a super awesome mission tasked to me by none other than Best Princess herself, only to find myself in the dream of a human obsessed pony who proceeded to fellate my freaking hand! Of COURSE I was blushing! But I would maintain my dignity.

“Fyren?” Luna asked, casually.

I gritted my teeth.

Maintain. Dignity.

“Yes, Princess?”

“I don’t mean to be rude. . . “

I exhaled sharply through my nose.

Dignity!

“. . . but I believe that you’re, how do the foals say it, these days. . . Ah, yes. ‘Popping a tent’.”

I glanced down at the obvious bulge in my trousers, and ground my teeth. “It’s ‘pitching a tent’, and yes. Yes, I am, thank you for noticing.”

Stupid dignity.

“No problem!” She said, and I could not decide whether she was honestly oblivious to my situation, or was gleefully trolling me.

“Wait a second!” I frowned, glancing sideways at her. “Most ponies don’t wear pants. How the hay is ‘pitching a tent’ a saying in Equestria?!”

In response, Luna simply shrugged. “How can a human be ‘hungry as a horse’? Who really knows the answers to these questions. Best not to ponder them too hard. Leads one to a headache.”

I glared at this obtuse evasion of what I felt was a very poignant question, all things considered. However, my mental anguish was brought to halt by Lyra clearing her throat. Ah, right. Mission for Best Princess, of course.

I turned back around and cleared my throat, looking down at Lyra in the most dignified manner I could, and she grinned up at me, in the most friendly manner she could. It took a minute or so, but I was finally able to get my mind out of the strange, back-alley gutter it had found itself in somewhere in the process of the preceding conversation, and back on track to the task at hoof. Er, hand.

Nah, ‘hoof’ works quite well.

“Lyra, you might not be surprised to know that this is about your. . . visitation, earlier. The nightmare you had.”

She blinked, looking at me, before she nodded, her mouth twisting awkwardly. “I might’ve guessed, especially with the Princess being here. What do you want to know?”

I stared for a second, glancing over my shoulder at Luna, who nodded to me. I looked back at Lyra, cleared my throat again and shrugged. “Well, uhh . . . What . . . What happened, exactly?”

She quirked an eyebrow and lifted a hoof to tap at her chin. “Well. . . I was dreaming, a perfectly nice, ordinary dream. The same one I usually have. . . .”

*Insert Twinkly Dream Intro Music Here*
Wh. . . why are you writing it down like?
What?! What do you mean? How else would I do it?!
Dude! Just, like, leave it to the anime angel!

. . . . . . . . . .
Show off.
Hehehehe!

Author's Note

Okay, well, this was awkward. The ending might feel a bit rushed, but that’s because this is only a bit over half of what I originally intended to write for this chapter. However, I was having difficulty getting it done on time, so I decided to end it here, and continue in the next chapter, so I could get the post made on time. Hope you all enjoy, and get ready for more Lyra in the next chapter! Oh, and feel free to let me know how I did with her, as it’s the first time I’ve ever written her! Until next time, ponies. Harmonia Resurgent!

A Handy Flashback!

It was a pretty typical dream, I suppose. Much like the one I was having earlier. I was receiving a wonderful massage from Hal.

Er. . . Hal?

Yeah, Hal the Hand.

. . . Right.

”*Snickers.*

Anyway, it was a pretty normal dream, when I started becoming aware of being . . . watched. At first, I tried to ignore it, but the more time went by, the more I became certain someone was watching us. And so I got up and went looking for who it might be. I admit, my first thought was it might have been you, Princess. Sorry.

There is no need to apologize, young one. It is terribly rare, for any but myself to appear in your dreams, after all.

That’s true, I guess. But, yeah. I went looking. And I found him. He was a human, I guess, although he looked nothing like you, Fyren. He was all in black and dark shadows, and had a bright red face with a big nose and a bushy, white mustache.

Really? Hmm.

Yeah. Um. . . Yeah, he . . . his hands had, like, claws, it seemed, and were dark. I couldn’t really tell what they looked like. Oh, and he had a sword! Like something from a Neighponese manga! I saw it somewhere in there, through all the shadows around him. When I noticed him, he moved towards me, but, I think he was a bit surprised.

What by?

I didn’t run or anything. It’s just a dream, and I kinda knew that, I guess? Mostly I was more curious than scared, and so I asked him who he was and what he was doing there. It really seemed to put him off for a minute, before he spoke to me.

What did he sound like? Did he have an accent?

Not . . . really? No. His voice was kind of . . . normal, actually. He even had a little stutter, for a minute. He said his name was Titan, and that he had come searching for a mate. I asked him what he meant, and he sort of went quiet for a minute, before muttering something or other about how he was having trouble getting the one he wanted, but that he wasn’t going to stop.

Did he say which one he wanted?

No, and when I asked why he was in my dream, he just stared at me and was really quiet for a bit, before he changed the subject. He asked me if I’d like to see his hands, but they were kinda creepy and I . . . I kinda told him, so. That must’ve ticked him off, because that’s when he came after me.

I assume that wasn’t long before I arrived.

No, princess. You showed up just a few minutes later, when I was running down that were endless staircase.

* * * * *

I looked at Luna, cocking an eyebrow, and she made a face. “It was a construct he had created. He was coming down the stairs one step at a time behind her, while letting her only be able to get a little farther away. Toying with her. It was. . . disturbing, to see somecreature using the powers of a Lucid Dreamer in that way.”

Lyra snorted. “You think you were disturbed?! You should have been me! It was freakin’ terrifying!”

While Luna apologized, both for her statement and for not arriving to Lyra’s dream sooner, I drifted away in thought. A human, wreathed in shadow, carrying a katana and wearing what sounded very much like a Japanese kabuki mask. That’s what was invading pony’s dreams? The appearance, coupled with Lyra’s description of a normal voice, a stutter, a slightly over the top sense of melodrama, and an apparent sadistic streak, made me wonder. . . .

Were we dealing with a psychopath? . . . or an edgelord wannabe?

“Fyren?”

I turned and saw Luna staring at me. I had been off in the middle of my own world for a bit, it seemed. Lyra had apparently forgotten about us, for the most part, and was in the midst of receiving another patented Hal-Massage. Luna cocked an eyebrow at me. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking . . . I’m not sure yet. If we only had something more to go on! I just don’t know-”

It was that moment that Luna shot straight up, her eyes going wide, and he mouth opening. “Oh! I . . . Somepony’s having a nightmare! A bad one!”

I blinked, narrowing my eyes at her. “That’d be awfully convenient.”

She twisted her mouth. “Yes. I can’t simply ignore it, though!”

I shook my head. “I wouldn’t even dream of suggesting it! However, I suggest a modicum of caution. He’s been keeping you from knowing when most of them are having nightmares, right?”

SHe nodded her head, and I ground my teeth. “So why not now?”

“Could he simply be getting sloppy?” She asked, while she effortlessly transported us out of Lyra’s dream and into the interspace of the Ether, to her hall of floating doors.

I remained silent, nodding to her to take the lead. It was possible, of course. Most Psychopaths do get sloppy eventually, due to their own tendency to think they’re superior to everyone and that nothing can stop them. Still, I felt like I was missing something. Something important.

In most of the Detective stories I liked to read, when the main character felt like that, it rarely boded well. . . .

Author's Note

Sorry for the short chapter this week, gang, but I promise things will be picking up speed! I’ve also been having some thoughts regarding the future of pony plots, and, well. . . I won’t make promises, as that could turn into a case of repeating past mistakes. That said, I think there’s going to be some big things happening in this story in the future. That’s all I’ll say, for now. Don’t want to cause a fuss, after all. ;) Until next time, Ponies! Harmonia Resurgent!

Unlimited Power!

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A Muse In The Dark

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Awake But Dreaming

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Dreamweaver Part I

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Dreamweaver Part II

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Intermission: A Week In The Life Take 2

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Intermission: Forging a Dream

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The Party

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Declaration

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My Sweet Peace

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Hey, Blue

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Love is in Bloom

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Lost & Found

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Heartsong

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Confusing Discourse

Arc I
Sparkling
__________________________

Silky eyelashes fluttered as lids that were such a pale blue as to be nearly white closed slowly, momentarily obscuring the garnet irises of her eyes. When they opened once more, they were wide, shining, glistening with emotion.

Prismatic bangs dangled in front of her eyes, but they only made them look deeper, more intense as she stared, long and deep, into my eyes.

Her cute, pouting lips parted, a small gasp of breath slipping between them as she drew in to speak.

". . . . Whut?"

"I said 'I wanna rut Pinkie Pie senseless.'" I repeated myself, leaning back against the side of the tree in Ponyville Park, looking over into the cyan visage of the bemused pegasus beside me.

"And I don't mean just, like, 'senseless', senseless. I mean like, 'drooling, crosseyed, cum-drenched mess on the floor,' kinda senseless."

Another slow blink, and then she stammered a bit. "Uuhhhhh, wh-, er. . . I . . . seeeee." She blinked a few more times, then shook her head, as though clearing it, and reached up, rubbing at her face with a dainty hoof. "Right. And, why, exactly, are you telling me this?"

hazel eyes slowly blink beneath ginger bangs. My lids open again, so I can stare into her face long and hard.

". . . . Whut?"

She growls and facehoofs, groaning for a moment, then looks at me. "Dude! This is Pinkie Pie we're talking about! Just go up and say 'Oh, hey, Pinkie, I'd like to rut you into a slobbering mess!' I'm tellin' ya, she'd lift her tail right there!" She paused a moment, then lifted a hoof. "Literally, so maybe make sure you're not, like, at some foal's birthday party, or somethin'."

I frown slightly. "Riiigggght. . . . Just one problem." She lifts a brow at me, and I cock an eyebrow right back at her. "Well, two, really. First off. . . I've only been here a few months! I don't know anything about your anatomy or anything!" She shook her head, blinking in confusion, and looked at me like I was an idiot.

"Wha- Dude! We're naked, like, all the time!"

Fair enough. "Yeah, and? I know where things are, in a general sense, but I don't know how you differ from human girls! I wouldn't know the first thing about pleasing any of you! That's why I came to you!"

"Are. . . . Are you coming on to me, Fyren? If so, I'm . . . not sure I'm cool with that."

"Of course I'm not, Dashie!"

"Oh, well, that's good, then."

"I know you're gay!"

She froze for a second, blinking rapidly and staring at me, back slowly stiffening up, even as a blush crossed her features. "I-I-I am not!"

I snort, blowing a breath out of my mouth in disbelief. "Yeah, right, Dashie!"

"I'm not!"

"There's nothing wrong with it, Dash!"

"I know that, but I'm not gay!"

"Really?"

"Really!"

"Really?"

"Really!"

I lean back against the tree, looking at her sideways, and lick my tooth. "Then how do you explain the fact that you are constantly making googly eyes at AJ's flank, hm?"

Had I know that her face could turn that shade of purple, I might've said something about this a lot sooner. It went nearly black and for a second I thought she was going to pass out. She got herself back under control, however, stamping a hoof on the ground, and glared at me past her blush. "I-I do not stare at her flank!"

"Pphht! Yeah, you do."

"No, I don't!"

"Damnit, Dash, I see you do it, everytime we're at Sugarcube Corner and you think no one is watching! You practically drool. If I had a bit every time one of your wings has nearly put my eye out, I'd be rich!"

“That- That is so not true!”

“Dash! What. . . How- I saw it with my own two eyes!”

“And I don’t care! I do not stare at AJ’s flank!”

“Yes, you do!”

“No, I don’t!”

“Yeeeeeessss, ya do!”

“Grrrr, for the last friggin’ time, Fyren, I do not stare at my best friend’s ass!”

I hold up my hands, shaking my head. “Oh, fer buck’s sake! Ok, enough! It doesn’t matter if you’re gay or not!”

“It matters to me!”

“Shut it! All that matters is, you’re a mare!” It occurred to me at this point that I had never actually gotten a good enough look to confirm that, and this could potentially really damage my rep around here. I pursed my lips. “Uhhh. . . . .R-Right?”

She smirks and nods. “Well, yeah! Only the most awesome mare in all of Equestria!” She was too busy preening to notice me mouthing the last four words along with her, moving my hand like it was a mouth. Of course, when she glanced over before I was finished, that kind of ruined the moment. I froze, glancing at her, and she froze, looking at me.

She narrowed her eyes.

“So, anywaydoyouthinkyoucouldhelpmeouthereDashie?!. . . . Please?” I asked, quickly, in an attempt to interrupt whatever horrible thoughts she might have been contemplating.

She blinked, looking down at me from where she had taken to flapping her wings in the air above me. “How does me being a mare have anything to do with being able to help you?”

I blinked back at her, frowning. Really? Could she be that clueless?

“Uhhhh. . . “ I clear my throat, trying to think of how in the hell I was supposed to explain something to her I thought would be obvious. “Err, b-because you know what feels good, to a mare?” I say, looking at her like she’s the idiot, this time.

Of course, my stare has absolutely no effect on the cocky pegasus, and she gives me a blank look. “What?”

I facepalm, groaning, and shake my head. “You have had sex before, right?!” She snorts.

“Well, duh! Are you kidding?! I’m so awesome, every stallion in town wants a piece of this flank, and I’d be an idiot not to take at least some of them up on that! . . . Being straight, and all! Yep! Straight as a string!”

“With a few knots in it.” I mutter.

“What was that?!”

“Nothing!”

“I’m not gay!”

I shake my head again, sitting up from the tree and gesturing. “Ok, fine! Look, I’ll put it to you straight, seeing as you’re clearly not taking the hint.” Her face twists in annoyance and she opens her mouth, but I keep talking over her. “As a sexually experienced mare, straight or not, you know what feels good to a female of your species. As such, you can instruct me in what I need to know in order to make Pinkie Pie have the mother of all femgasms.”

She stares at me for a second. “Riiiigght. . . . And, would that include having sex with you? Cuz, again, Fyre, you’re cute and all, I guess, but I’m not really into you like that. . . . Not because I’m gay!” I glare at her, and she holds out both hooves, before coming back down to land on the grass. “Not that I would blame you for wanting to taste the rainbow, or nothin’. I mean, I am awesome, after all! In the sky, and in the bedroom!”

I nod along with her, then roll my eyes. “Right, sure thing, Dashie, but no, I don’t intend to have sex with you, or any other ponies besides Pinkie Pie! She’s special, ya know?”

She frowns. “Special? I guess that’s one way to put it.”

“Actually, that leads me on to point number two.” I tap my finger on my chin. “Honestly, Dash, if it was any other pony, I wouldn’t be as worried. I know how sex works, and I figure I could guess my way through a lot of stuff. But this isn’t any other pony. This is Pinkie Pie!”

“Uhh, what is she like your goddess or something? You gonna place her on some kinda super special pedestal, convince yourself you don’t deserve her love and spend, like, a thousand chapters angsting around and beating yourself up about it, until you turn all emo and shit?” She looks at me for a long moment, while I blink at her. Slowly.

She starts looking around as the silence stretches into an uncomfortable degree, and then her cracking voice chimes in to break it. “C-Cause that would just be totally stupid, r-right?! Hahaha! I mean, who w-would even do something like that?!”

She blushes really hard as I cock an eyebrow at her. “Of course I’m not going to do that, Dash! And, of course that would be stupid! I mean, who the hell does that, anyway? Romance stories have a firmly set program to follow. Five chapters of angst, tops, then on with the cuddling! I mean, come on, a thousand chapters!? Who the hell would ever think THAT was a good idea?! Any more than five, and you’d be liable to piss people off, but a thousand?! Seriously, Dashie, you need to get your head examined.”

. . . . So, this is going to be one of those kinda stories, huh, mister writer guy who is definitely NOT me?

Just shut up and get on with it, I dunno where this is going any more than you do!

Oh, greeeeaat.

Anyway. . . .

“Look, forget all that! No, I’m not head-over-ridiculously-masochistic heels in love with Pinkie Pie, I’m not putting her on some kinda pedestal and I’m most certainly NOT going to drag this out for a thousand chapters! (Like, seriously, how, even?!) No, what I mean by “She’s special” is, I think she would kill me!”

She blinked, making a small sound of surprise. “What?! Dude, I know she’s a bit wacko, but she’s not like some kinda serial killer or some shit!” She shook her head, laughing slightly, “Next thing you know, you’ll say she’s gonna bake you into a cupcake and make us all eat you!” She burst out laughing, rolling on the ground and beating it with her hooves. “Ahahaha! Can y-you imagine?! I m-meahahaha- mean, how s-s-silly is that?!”

I sat there, arms crossed over my chest until her laughter has quieted. “YOu finished? Good, because no, I don’t mean like that. I mean, well. . . “ I look down at myself. Shirtless, wearing a simple black denim kilt to cover my private bits and that’s about it. A fine down of ginger hair covers my chest and stomach, leading down to the edge of the kilt. I’m not in the worst shape ever, but I’m far from fit. I’ll never be a lightweight, too big boned, and as of right now, I could stand to lose thirty or so pounds. A distinct pot belly would make me nervous about being shirtless, if I weren’t in a land of magical, talking perpetually naked ponies.

She purses her lips and nods slowly. “I think I get it. . . You’re saying your stamina’s not too good.” I grimace, finding it distasteful to admit, but nod.

“Yeeaaaah.” I say, shrugging. “And, again, this is Pinkie, we’re talking about. Hyperactive, fuzz-ball, giggle-factory, perpetually-tweaking-on-a-sugar-rush, stamina-of-thirty-Wonderbolts-tanked-up-on-energy-drinks, Pinkie Pie.” I grimace again, this time in abstract fear. “I figure that, if I was to try to rut her right now, rather than fucking her into a stupid mess on the floor, she would do that to me, then keep going until I died of a heart-attack.”

She stared at me for a long, silent moment, head tilting left and then right as she eyed me up and down. “Dash?”

“Shush! Stand up.”

I blink and follow her lead, standing up, and she takes off, flapping around me at a slow hover. She nudges me out from the tree a bit with her head, the momentary contact of soft, prismatic mane on my naked back sending a small thrill down to my groin. Shit, I needed to get laid, bad.

After a few moments of eyeballing me, Dash flaps around and stops, hovering in place facing me. “Ok, I’ll do it!” She’s got that look in her eye, that says she’s spotted a challenge, and she intends to tackle it, and I smile.

“Really?”

She nods. “Totes! But, if we do this, we do it my way. You follow my lead, and do exactly as I tell you, got me, big guy?”

I purse my lips, but then shrugs. “Sure thing, Rainbow!”

I mean, what could it hurt?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Shit.

Author's Note

For those of you who caught the references, so far as Cupcakes goes, I’ve not actually read it yet, but I know what it’s about.
For the other story, which shall remain unnamed, please, do not get the wrong impression. As anyone who’s paid attention to the comments section of that story recently will know, I absolutely adore it. That said, I HAD to make a reference to it, and this was the first thing that popped into my head. By all means, let me know what you all think!

In The Garden Of Kindness

I sat at the table in Flutters' dining room, picking at my breakfast. The knowledge that I'd been foolish enough to try and rut Pinkie so soon was bad enough. That it had left me semi-conscious for two whole days was only icing on the cake.

Goddes, I had overestimated myself, bad. And that overconfidence had nearly led to disaster. I still had a long way to go, before I was ready. I was far from givng up, of course. If anything, knowing that I had, apparently, experienced the pleasure of Pinkie, and had been left without any memory of it only spurred me on, harder.

The universe, it seems, likes to be a cock-tease.

My inner turmoil was interrupted by the feeling of a pair of malevolent eyes burning a hole of righteous fury into the top of my head, and I slowly rolled my eyes up, hazel orbs meeting a pair of cute black buttons from behind the lenses of my specs.

Angel Bunny.

The little demon had been making his displeasure at my presense clear ever since I woke up last night. I didn't want to know what he'd done while I was out. But now, with Flutters busily moving about and cleaning up her and Angel's breakfast dishes, the little lapine was using the opportunity to glare a hole through me. I narrowed my eyes at him, and he returned the favour. I had the feeling he was plotting something, but I wasn't sure what.

Not sure I wanted to, either.

-What?!- I mouthed at the bunny, quirking an eyebrow. In response, he flicked his eyes over, towards Fluttershy, who was humming softly while washing the dishes. When he looked back at me, he glared daggers, then jabbed one finger at the door of the cottage, visible through the arched entryway into the dining room.

Clearly he wanted me gone, and had no qualms about letting me know that. Aside from the fact that it would anger his mistress, that was. Of course, there was no way she would believe me, if I told her that her precious Angel wanted me out, by any means necessary. I glared at him, and he at me, both of us at a clear impasse. He couldn't act directly without bringing down her wrath, and I couldn't tell on him for anything he DID do, for fear of the same.

I could practically hear the cheesy Western music playing the backgorund, as we had a standoff over the breakfast table.

"Oh, Fyren. . . ?" Fluttershy turned around, her eyebrows going up as she found the two of us smiling at each other with enough sweetness to put someone in a coma. The pegasus blinked a couple of times, but then smiled at us both. "Oh, I'm so glad to see that you two get along. Usually Angel doesn't take to strangers, well."

"Really? I never would've guessed."

Flutters closeed her eyes in a smile, and Angel stuck his tongue out at me, blowing a silent reaspberry, and I glared at him, until Fluttershy opened her eyes, at which point he went back to smiling sweetly. My smile held a bit more vindictiveness in it, and I saw his eyes flicker with worry, a moment before I struck.

I grabbed him up and cuddled him up to my face, mewing the whole time. "I mean, he's jsut such a snuggly-wuggly, floofy little ball of adoracute, how could he NOT just be the most lovable bun-bun in the whole wide world?!"

This was all said in a voice that could have given a vegan diabetes, and I saw Angel turn his head away from Fluttershy and gag, all while subtly trying to push me away. I smirked, on the inside, and let him go, so that he flopped onto the table with a bit more force than necessary.

Petty? Who, me? Hehehe.

A silent, stealthy glare as he got up to dust himself off let me know that he would have vengeance, and I winked at him, which made him huff, silently.

Fluttershy was beaming. "Oh, I'm so glad!" She paused for a second, smiling at us, then jumped a bit as she seemed to come to her senses. "Oh! I nearly forgot, Fyren, I was wondering if you could help me in the garden, later?"

I frowned at her, but smiled and shrugged. "Sure thing, Flutters, what do you need?"

"There's a badger who needs a den, and I promised I would help her dig one, but. . . I'm not terribly good at digging." She looked nearly ashamed of herself, and it made my heartbreak just looking at as she tried to hide behind her mane.

"Aww, that's okay, Fluttershy. I can help, although I'm surprised you didn't just ask one of your other animal friends, for help."

She bit her lip, in a terribly cute way. "Well, I would normally ask Harry, but he's off visiting family in Whitetail Woods, and it would be horribly rude of me to intrude on him."

I smiled, thinking about the gentle giant of a bear. "I understand, Fluttershy, I'd be happy to help."

She beamed at me, again, and I felt my own heart glow. "Oh, thank you, Fyren! I was afraid I might be being too forward, asking like this, when you're still recovering. . . ."

I waved off her clear concern. "Nonsense, Flutters, I feel much better. I think a bit of exercize is just was the doctor ordered!"

She took a breath and fluttered up off the ground slightly. "Yay!" She said, her enthusiasm clear, even with the low volume of the cheer, and I grinned at her.

Even Angel Bunny and his apparent dislike could not mar the happiness just helping the pretty yellow pegasus brought into my heart.

* * * * *

Sweat ran down the back of my neck, rolling over my bare shoulders as I drove the shovel into the ground in front of me. I was a pretty tough guy to begin wtih. I had worked a blue collar job, back on Earth Prime, throwing freight at a Wally World, and, especially with my recent bulk up, thought I'd surely be able to dig a little hole without any trouble.

Turned out, not only was it harder digging a hole sideways into the side of hill than it was to dig one straight down, but apparently badgers were picky. Or maybe it was just Flutters.

She was hovering right behind me the entire time, passing on instructions from the soon-to-be-mama badger, and giving me little tips and hints of her own. The shovel bit into the earth once more, and I scooped out a pile of dirt, tossing it aside. I paused to wipe the sweat off my forehead, before it could run behind my glasses and get into my eyes. Said spectacles were fogging up a bit, from the moisture on my face, and I sighed, glancing around for something I could use to wipe them off with.

Fluttershy came up, smiling at me, and handed me a washcloth, which I gladly accepted, parking the shovel in the dirt and taking of my glasses. First, I cleaned the lenses, then I took the rag to my face, wiping the sweat off. I looked up to see Fluttershy looking at me. Or, more specifcally, my abs. "Uhh. . . Flutters?"

She jumped a bit, an impressive feat, as she was hovering in midair at the time, and looked at me, face turning bright red. "O-Oh, I'm sorry, F-F-Fyren! I just. . . You. . . That is. . . ."

I chuckled. "It's ok, Flutters. I know, they're impressive, aren't they?" I said, looking down, then realized how terribly arrogant that sounded, even to me. "Uh, not that I'm . . . That is, uh. . . .Dang it." I muttered, twisting my mouth in consternation, and then glancing up at her, when she giggled.

She blushed and held out a hoof. "I'm sorry, Fyren, I don't mean to laugh, it was just a bit silly." A worried look crossed her face. "Oh, you're not upset, are you? I didn't mean to insult you. I'm sorry!"

I held out my hand, soothingly. "Hey, hey, it's ok, Flutters, I'm not upset, and you didn't offend me."

"Really?" She asked, peeking out from behind her mane. Goddess she was adorable like that.

"Yeah, really." I said, smiling softly. I turned to go back to work, but heard the little badger chattering at Flutters, who held a brief, and to my ears, one sided conversation with the expectant mother. Flutters turned back, smiling.

"She says she can take it from here, and thanks you for your help."

I smiled, and knelt down, looking the badger in the eyes and nodded. "My pleasure, Missus. I wish you all the luck, with your family." I felt a little funny, talking to a badger, but when I stood up and looked at Flutters, the look of approval on her face made me swell up a bit in pride.

* * * * *

Shortly, we were sitting around a small table on her back porch, cushions making for comfortable resting places for our posteriors. She had prepared a light lunch, good for restoring energy after hard work. Herbal tea, something with rosehips, possibly, and daisy and eggwhite sandwiches.

I already mostly vegetarian when I got here, but eating flowers was a big step, and it still felt a bit odd. They were surprisingly okay, though, with all the ways the ponies knew to doctor them up.

I had been a bit surprised to find a lightly grilled fillet of salmon included, but Flutters only smiled and reminded me that her closest animal friend was a bear. Of course, quite a few of the critters she ran around with and tended to were at least omnivorous, if not downright carnivorous. She was smart enough to know I was of the former party, and more world wise than she seemed, in the knowledge that certain types of creatures could not subsist on veggies alone.

I had finished the fillet, delicious as it was, and was munching on a sandwich, while she filled our teacups for us. Sitting back and sipping on hers, she smiled shyly at me. "Are you enjoying lunch?"

I nodded, swallowing and washing the sandwich down with a sip of tea, before speaking. "Oh, yeah, Flutters. It was great! The, uh. . . The fish was excellent. I've not had any in a while. Thanks."

She smiled wider, perking up and sitting up a bit straighter. It was then I noticed, perhaps for the first time, how tall she really was. Sheesh, with us sitting on the same level, her head would actually be a bit higher than mine, if we both sat up as straight as we could. That was just it, she spent most of her time sort of hunched over and sucked in on herself, that it was easy to miss just how much taller than the other girls she was. Funny, considering how dainty she looked. Must all be in her legs.

While I was thinking about how long her legs must be, it occurred to me, that she had been trying to get my attention. "Oh, damn, Flutters, I'm sorry! I was. . . distracted, what did you say?"

She snickered slightly, but then bit her lip, turning her head and hiding behind her mane. "I, um. . . I just wanted to ask you. . . "

When she drifted off, I gave her a minute, but when nothing more was forthcoming, I leaned forward slightly. "Um, yes, Fluttershy?"

She kept herself turned away from me, but I saw her hunch back down a bit again. "Um. . . about how. . . . what you're trying to do, with Pinkie Pie. . . . "

I took a breath, sighing softly. "Look, I know. . . Um, I know it's not the safest or smartest thing. . . . I just, really want to, that's all!" It felt really weird and awkward talking about this with the shy pegasus. It was so . . . wrong, feeling, I guess. To talk about sex stuff with her, like talking about it was a five year old. Not that Fluttershy was childish or unintelligent, and I suppose anyone who takes care of that many critters is bound to know a thing or two about the birds and bees, but, still, it just seemed-

"What about me?" She asked, interrupting my train of thought, and I blinked, looking up at her.

"I'm sorry, what about you?"

"Well, I mean. . . .I just. . . Um. . . . You could always have come to me. . . ."

"I'm sorry, Flutters, but you'll have to speak up a bit."

"I, er, just. . . oh, forget it." She said, looking at me briefly, enough to show her face was so red I thought she might burst a blood vessel, before she turned away and laid down, lowering her head towards her forehooves, ears lowered sadly.

I felt something tear up inside of me, and I moved around the table and sat down next to her. I felt her stiffen at my nearness, and part of me feared she would run at this invasion of her space. She didn't, though, and sat there as I slowly placed one hand on her shoulder, gently stroking it.

"Come on, Flutters, talk to me. What is it?"

She say in silence some more, for long enough I thought I would have to ask again, when she spoke, her voice still small, and quiet and fragile, but it was loud enough, and I was close enough, that this time I could hear her.

"Why? Why Pinkie Pie? I mean, yes, she's always fun to be around. I'm sure she would be . . . in . . . i-in bed, as well. . . . But, I mean . . . you said it yourself, it's a risk. She nearly killed you, the other day. So, why choose her? Why still choose her?"

I sat, thinking. She wasn't wrong. Pinkie wasn't the smart choice, not by a long shot. But, then, who would be? Twi? She had been fun, it was true, but I felt . . . no, I knew that Twilight had nothing on Pinkie. Who else? Dashie wasn't interested, for obvious reasons, Rarity I was sure was WAY too stuck up to even consider such a thing. Applejack, I felt, would be too straight laced, too business minded to care. Who else. . . ?

"You could have picked me." Fluttershy said, into the long silence my internal monologue had created, and I nearly choked, my eyes going wide.

"I-I, what?! Fluttershy, I . . . I don't, I-I mean. . . .I like you, buuut. . . ." My words died off as she turned to look at me, her eyes brimming with tears. One overflowed and ran down her cheek, only one.

"It's okay, I understand. If I were you, I wouldn't pick somepony like me, either!" She said, then, before I could do anything, she jumped up and ran into the cottage, and I could hear her sobbing as she went.

"Flutters, wait! I-I didn't mean it like that! Ohhh." I groaned, falling backwards and laying on the pillows, staring up at the warm, sunny sky, my heart aching and my eyes burning, my mind a confused muddle of frustration and wayward emotions. And a bit of lust, it's true.

I mean, I had never really thought of Fluttershy like that, but she was very beautiful, whether she knew it about herself or not. And it wasn't like some part of me wasn't tempted. . . .

Would it really be so bad, to have sex with her? She obviously wanted to. I just didn't know whether I could deal with the kind of emotional baggage she might bring along. No sooned had I thought that, than I shot it out of my head like an Aussie shoots Red Barons. Fluttershy certainly had baggage, it was true, and it might be a pain to deal with. For her, as well as me. But, simply put, part of that baggage seemed to be a lack of confidence in how attractive she was, and I was her friend. I was not going to abandon her to deal with that baggage alone.

"Good, I'm glad we have a firm foundation to build on."

"Gah!" I jerked, and sat up sharply at the sound of the unfamilliar voice. It was deep, but unmistakably female, the kind of voice guys refer to as 'husky'. The speaker would probably do great in the phone sex business.

"Well, thank you, I'll take that as a compliment, but flattery really won't get you anywhere."

What the hell?! The only other person, er, pony I had met who could hear me when I was narrating was Pinkie. I snapped my head around and took a good look at was in front of me. An unmistakably feminine figure, all lush curves, soft fur and . . . were those breasts?

"Yes, actually, I'm rather proud of them, really. Aren't they just amazing?!"

Long lashes batted themselves over golden eyes with red irises, while two hands, one a dragon's talon, the other a lion's paw, ran down over her breasts, twaeaking the nipples slightly. Dark brown fur covered her body, but it shaded into a light grey along her lengthy, slender neck, atop which say a horse's head, decorated with a mismatched set of horns, one like a unicorn, or gazelle, the other a deer's antler. Two wings, one feathered and blue, the other leathery and brown, flapped lightly against the creatures back, and her long legs, the same as her arms but flipped, were curled beneath her.

She was unmistakably female, unmistakably attractive as all hell, and, just so, unmistakably Discord.

"No, no, no, baby. When I'm ladying it up, call me Eris. Eris Kallisti Discordia, at your service." She winked, then paused, tapping her chin with a finger. "Or, well, not really, but you get the idea."

I blanched, gulping. "Oh, Hel no! I ain't having any sort of northing to do with you! Twilight warned me about you!"

"Oh, yes, I'm sure she had LOTS to say about me, and very little of it good, but you see, that's all well and good, seeing as it's not you I'm here to speak to."

I frowned. "It. . . It's not?"

Uh-oh.

Huh?

Oh, shi-

Language, dearest!

. . . . . Ohhhh, greeaaaat.