Sour Sweet Shortsby Nico-Stone RupanChaptersMorning Kisses (Adult Days)Beta Testing (Crystal Prep Days)Mother Talk (Adult Days)Bad Memories and Recolors (Crystal Prep Days)Chasing the Monsters (Crystal Prep Days)He Finally Screwed Up? (Adult Days)Campus <Tree> Security (College Days)Morning Kisses (Adult Days)There was a spark in the darkness. A warm, blissful spark. One in which not even the best of dreams could retain their grip against. Sour Sweet's eyes fluttered open. Hovering above her was her husband, his lips softly planted on hers. He parted from her and smiled. "Good morning, sweetness," Second Person greeted. Sour breathed deeply and began moving to wake her body up. "You think I'm Sleeping Beauty or something?" "Sleeping? Not anymore. Beauty? So much yes." That earned Second his first eye roll of the day. In truth, it was in the morning where he considered his wife the most beautiful. No makeup and all natural. Her long hair an unbridled, sexy mess. The angry "Where's the damn coffee?" look in the eyes. "And how would you like it if I woke you up by invading your personal space?" Sour asked, pointedly. "You know I would love it." Sour nodded. "Tomorrow then. Only I won't use a kiss." "Oh, really?" Second's mind was already filling up with perverted possibilities. "What would you wake me up with then?" "Don't ruin the surprise." "Come on. Care to give me a preview?" He leaned in and whispered softly into her ear, "Right now?" "Fine..." Before Second could prepare, Sour whipped into position and launched a rapid kick into his chest. His body shot back across the bed and over the edge. He landed face-first on the floor with a loud THUD. "You awake, dear?" asked a smirking Sour. "Very much so..." Second groaned in delightful pain. **************** Sour Sweet slowly opened the door and peeked inside her four-year-old daughter's room. Bitter Honey was still in peaceful slumber. Sour quietly entered, went up to her bedside, and smiled. She wouldn't admit it to her husband, but he wasn't the only one in this family who liked to give morning kisses. Sour bent down and planted a peck upon Bitter's lips. The little one began to stir and open her eyes. Once she glimpsed her mother, however, Bitter's eyes closed back and her body limped as if she suddenly went back to sleep. "Bitter, time to get up," Sour announced as she pulled back the cover. "I'm not awake yet," Bitter said. Sour put her hands on her hips. "You obviously are." "No, I'm not. Maybe I need another kiss?" Sour chuckled and complied. Bitter received another peck. "Hmm..." Bitter pondered, not moving an inch. "Nope. Still asleep." "Is that so?" "Try kissing one more time." A few moments went by with Bitter awaiting her next kiss. Nothing. She was about to open her eyes to see what the hold up was before she suddenly felt fingers at her sides. That successfully made Bitter's eyes open wide up and mouth begin wailing with laughter. "This is what you get for being greedy with kisses!" Sour gleefully declared as she mercilessly tickled her daughter. "Okay, okay!" Bitter managed through her laughs. "I'll get up now! I'll get up!" **************** There was a pain in the darkness. A quick, unexpected pain. One in which even the best of dreams would be swiftly disregarded in need for investigation. Gilda's eyes shot open. Standing at her bedside was her own four-year-old daughter along with a multitude of certain foil-wrapped chocolates scattered atop the bed. "Bitter told me that her family gives each other kisses in the morning," Gretchen explained. "Want some more?" she added before chucking another handful at her mother's face. Gilda groaned. "Wrong kind of kisses, brat." She then couldn't help but smile. "But it's the thought that counts..." FINI Beta Testing (Crystal Prep Days)"Sour? Am I a beta male?" "Yessiree." Second Person gave his girlfriend a look from across his room. Sour Sweet glanced up from her homework to shoot him one right back. "Don't ask questions you know the answer to." Second sighed. "Sorry, I was just looking through First's new posts." He handed Sour his phone. She scrolled down an array of photos by Second's older brother, First Person. They all featured him at various locations around his college campus. On the racquetball court as he was pulling up his shirt to show off his six-pack abs. At a frat party as he was pulling up his shirt to show off his six-pack abs. In the dean's office receiving some award... as he was pulling up his shirt to show off his six-pack abs. Each was captioned with "#betamalefreezone". "Oh dear, are you feeling inferior to your brother?" Sour rolled her eyes. "Are we really dealing with this AGAIN?!" "Sometimes I can't help it, I guess." "You need a confidence boost." At that moment, a ping came from Sour's phone. She checked it and smiled. "Ooh, perfect timing there, Indigo!" "Huh?" Sour faced her phone in Second's direction so he could see the message just received. Yo, need a spotter. Anyone free? **************** Second Person and Sour Sweet were soon in front of Indigo Zap's house. The garage door was open. Inside was CPA's premier athlete, surrounded by weight lifting equipment as both arms were at work pumping dumbbells. She was wearing a matching black sports bra and shorts, which nicely showed off her firm body. "Hey, guys," Indigo greeted, putting the dumbbells down. "Check out my brand new home gym! It's my early graduation present. Thanks for coming to help me break these babies in." "No problem," Second said. "So, what did you mean by needing a 'spotter'?" Indigo laughed. "You really don't anything about weight lifting, do you, Second?" Second lifted his lackluster arms. "Does it look like I do? Probably should have called my big brother for this..." "Hey, you're the only Person I would want to hang out with," Indigo assured with a wink. "Come on, I'll show you want to do." They followed her over to the bench press. Indigo lay her back down on it and explained, "Just stand behind me and if I'm having any trouble lifting, catch the barbell and put it back on the rack for me." "Okay..." Second said before adding under his breath, "... good thing you have Sour here..." Indigo chuckled as she lifted the barbell off to begin pumping. "You know what I like about you, Second? You're not intimidated by a strong woman like a lot of guys are." Second shrugged. "Strong in body, strong in mind, strong in heart. I like all women." Indigo smirked. "You especially like dominant women as I hear Sour tell it." "That's right!" Sour cooed teasingly. She began ruffling up her boyfriend's hair like one would to a dog. "Who's a good beta? Who's a good beta? You are!" Indigo pumped once more and placed the barbell back on the rack. "You know what?" She sat up and turned to Second. "You may need this more than me. Wanna try?" Second suppressed the urge to laugh. "You're kidding, right?" Indigo got up. "Nope. Sour, if you please?" Second was suddenly seized by his girlfriend and forced down on the bench. He nervously stared up at the barbell as Indigo went into position to spot him. Sour was right next to her, sadistically smirking down at him. "This is so not a good idea, guys..." Second whimpered. "Don't give me none of that!" Indigo spat, putting her game face on. "Give me twenty reps!" "Twenty?!" Second gasped. "Ten?" "Ten?!" "Five?" "Five?!" Sour smacked her forehead. "ONE! Just do ONE, Second!" Second sighed as he reached up. He could do one. Maybe? Gritting his teeth, he tried raising the barbell from the rack. Tried, but failed. "Here," Indigo said as she lifted the barbell off for him. The barbell nearly dropped straight down before Second miraculously summoned the strength to catch it merely an inch above his neck. Every muscle in Second's body strained and struggled to push it up. "Come on, you can do it, champ!" Indigo couched. "Just don't die trying..." Sour muttered. Slowly, little by ever so little, the barbell began to rise. Second's concentration focused entirely on this single task. The barbell went a quarter of the way... two quarters... three... First does it, so should you, Second told himself before immediately counterpointing, But what's wrong with what Second does? Summoning every fiber of his being, Second pushed it all the way. His arms went completely straight in the air. "See, what did I tell you?!" Indigo cheered as she took the barbell and placed it back on the rack. "Indigo Zap knows potential when she sees it! Join me for daily routines and we'll turn you into a ripped monster in no time, Second!" "Indigo..." Second uttered through heavy panting. "... would it offend you if I declined that offer?" Indigo smiled. "Not at all." "It's just not my thing..." Sour came up from behind Second, wrapped her arms around him, and affectionately nuzzled his neck. "Exactly, so stop brooding over your brother's photos. And realize that I'm HAPPY you're not a douchebag!" "Yeah, in fact, let's take a pic of our own," Indigo declared as she retrieved her phone. "#chicksdigbetas!" Indigo and Sour leaned in on opposite sides of Second. They struck sexy poses with matching facial expressions. Indigo was about to snap the picture, when Second shot his hand up. "Wait, wait!" Second then pulled up his shirt to show off his flat stomach and grinned. "Alright, now." Later, Second would notice that First had given the photo a like. For one of the few times in his life, Second felt proud of himself. FINI Mother Talk (Adult Days)"Sour, do you hate me?" Sour Sweet glanced over at the older woman. She had expected that question to come up at some point. Just not at a time like this. The sun had just set, allowing the cool night to begin. It was refreshing considering just how hot it had gotten during the day. Sour was wearing comfortable shorts and sandals which clashed with her companion. Niban Person was wearing a white halter pleated dress with matching high heels. The two of them were standing in front of Sour's house as they waited for another two to be ready. "Of course not, Niban." Niban chuckled and gave her daughter-in-law a skeptical look. "Oh, really? I'm pretty sure I've heard the 'h' word come up quite a lot." Sour sighed with embarrassment. "Come on, we all say things we don't mean in the heat of the moment." "I suppose," Niban agreed with a nod. "We do argue about politics a lot, don't we? A lot of time wasted." "Yeah, we should just let the inevitable Civil War II settle things, huh?" The two women shared a big, hearty laugh. Eventually, the hearty laugh lowered to become a moderate giggle. Finally, the moderate giggle died down to an uncomfortable, nervous chuckle as they both realized that their country was doomed. "Anyway," Niban said quickly, desperately trying to change the subject. "What did you and Bitter do today?" Sour smiled. "Oh, we just hung out. I took her to her favorite food joint. Her kids' meal came with the toy she wanted. That made her happy. After that, we went to the movies to catch a matinee. She loved it so much, she made me clap with her as the credits came up. When we got home, she surprised me with about a dozen homemade cards she – " Sour paused, suddenly covering her mouth with her hand. It took all her being not to start crying right then. Not too long ago, she was getting treatment at a mental hospital for a schizophrenic relapse with an attempt to end her life, and now here she was having such a good time with it. It was all a bit overwhelming. "It was a good day," Sour finally managed to say as she wiped some stray tears. "A very good day." Niban reached over and gently took Sour by the hand. "You know, Sour. I don't say this as much as I should, but thank you for giving me such a wonderful granddaughter." "I should thank you for giving me such a good husband. He loves you very much." She then gave Niban a look. "Despite the whole, you know, toxic childhood and everything." "I suppose I should let my son know how I really feel." Niban grew a look of regret. "Both of them." With the sound of the front door opening, Sour replied, "Now's your chance." Second Person and First Person emerged out of the house. Both were wearing fine suits and ties, ready for a night on the town. "Are you ready, madam?" Second asked, offering his arm to his mother. An entertained Sour laughed internally over how sauve her husband was attempting to be. Second's light and dark purple hair was even slicked back. She had always tried to remind the dork to know his limits. Niban was impressed, however. That was all that mattered. "Ready as I'll ever be," Niban giggled. Niban took hold of both her sons' arms. With one last smile to Sour, she followed their lead to the car. Watching them drive off to their dinner date, Sour breathed a sigh of contentment and perhaps a bit of annoyance. Why was it only on holidays that she and her mother-in-law could get along? Sour shrugged, deciding to let the mystery stay a mystery. She turned and went back inside her home. When Sour entered the living room, she beheld the sight of her daughter sitting at the coffee table. The whole area was a mess of construction paper, ribbons, glitter, and safety scissors. A huge puddle of glue was prominently displayed on top of the table, some of which was running off the edge and dripping onto the carpet. Bitter Honey glanced up at her mother and grinned. "Mama, I made you some more cards!" Her grin quickly faded. "Sorry about the glue." Once again, Sour suppressed the urge to start crying. Not over spilled glue, but how happy she was. She went over and picked Bitter up into her arms. She hugged her daughter with every ounce of love within her. "Happy Mother's Day, mama." "Thank you, baby." FINI Bad Memories and Recolors (Crystal Prep Days)The door of El Taco Sucio chimed. The line at the counter was already long when Sour Sweet and Second Person entered. Sour immediantly began to grow furious. Second had to take her hand and give a reassuring squeeze to be patient. "How much money do you have?" Sour asked. Second reached in his pocket and found a single bill. "Ten bucks." "That's it?" Sour grumbled. "There's always the dollar menu," Second sighed, shaking his head. "If we ever get married, I probably won't be the best provider for our family." Sour crossed her arms. "Luckily we won't need to find out since I'm never getting married or having children." Second frowned. "Yeah, I know." Hearing the disappointment in her boyfriend's voice, Sour mercifully added, "But if I ever did, then I would obviously serve as the career breadwinner." She then stared daggers straight into Second's eyes. "And whoever I marry had BETTER be content with doing the housework, diaper changing, and drawing a nice, hot bath for me when I get home every night." Second gave her a loving smile. "I'm sure they will." The door chimed once more with the entrance of another customer. Sour and Second both made a cumpulasory glance over. However, their stare lingered. Sour kept looking because she recongized the girl joining the line. Second kept looking out of a different sort of recognition. "Sonata Dusk, it's been a while," Sour greeted. The blue girl with the pony tail glanced over and gave an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I'm not supposed to talk to strangers." "I'm not a stranger, silly. Come on, we've met before!" Sonata cocked her head. "For realsies?" "When I fought your sister." Sonata cocked her head the other way. "Dagi?" She was reminding Sour of a confused puppy at this point. "No, the pissy emo one." "Oh, Aria!" Sonata giggled. "Yeah, she gets into a lot of fights. What was yours about again?" Sour let out a frustrated groan. "Would you believe that I don't even remember? Part of me thinks it started with deep fried Oreos, but that would LITERALLY be the dumbest reason ever. Then another part of me thinks it was about Second, but that can't be either because he's certainly not WORTH fighting over." Second's shoulders slumped. "Thanks, my love." "Huh," Sonata said as she stroked her chin, deep in thought... or, at least, trying to appear deep in thought. "Funny how I don't remember you and you don't remember how the fight started..." "Well, you're the only good memory I have of that little affair." Sour extended her hand. "Nice to see you again." Sonata gleefully shook Sour's hand. "Sure, nice to see you for the first time that I can recall!" Sour rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to her boyfriend. His eyes were currently going back and forth between her and Sonata. "Stop thinking whatever you're thinking," Sour commanded, only as loud as Second could hear. "Oh, I'm not thinking anything," Second lied. "I know when you're thinking something stupid." "Well, it's just that Sonata kinda looks like you." "Stop making things up." "No, really. Your hair styles are very similar." He smirked. "You know, if you painted yourself blue – " Second pinched Second's arm, making him quietly yelp. "In your creepy, Smurf-fetish dreams, buster..." Another chime from the door sounded. Sonata, Sour, and Second turned their heads. In walked Majorette, a CHS student who appeared remarkably like Sour, only without freckles or any aquamarine in her hair. In fact, just to tease his girlfriend, Second had privately given her the nickname "Sweeten Sour". Majorette stopped and stared at Sour Sweet, then at Sonata. All three girls ended up in an awkward silence just trading glances. Second, on the other hand, was slowly pulling out his phone to capture the moment before the very fabric of reality unraveled from too much waifu in one location. What would it be like to be married to three Sour Sweets? Second mentally mused. He then shook his head. Come on, stop thinking silly things. Keep it up and one day you'll have a daughter that looks just like Sour, too... FINI Author's Note Why does it feel like I'm setting up a future one-shot? Chasing the Monsters (Crystal Prep Days)Mr. Sweet knew he wasn't the best man who ever lived, but he wasn't the worst ever either. Sure he shirked his fatherly responsibilities, emotionally cut himself off from his own daughter, and caused her psychological pain to the point where she almost drowned herself, but... No. There were no buts. That was horrendous and he had a long, long, LONG way to go to make that up to Sour Sweet. Mr. Sweet shook his head. He hated when his ruminations of mistakes past caused him to get distracted. He was sitting at his desk in his home office. Paper work had been piling up, so he trying to get through it as fast as he could before the deadline next morning. There was then a knock upon his open door. Without looking up, Mr. Sweet let out a frustrated sigh. "What?" "Daddy?" Mr. Sweet looked over. There was his daughter in the doorway. She seemed hesitant, perhaps even a little frightened. The thought came to him that she could be scared of talking to him. He supposed he couldn't blame her. "Yes, Sour?" Mr. Sweet asked, his voice trying its best to sound gentle as possible. "There's a guy in my room." Mr. Sweet raised an eyebrow. "A guy?" Sour nodded. "The bastard won't leave." "Uh, are you talking about your boyfriend?" "Nope." Sour shrugged. "Just some guy." Mr. Sweet stared at her. A creeping feeling came up his spine. Was this an episode? He suppressed a shiver. Schizophrenia scared him. He could still recall how he felt when he first received the news of the diagnosis. Confusion, fear, and a bit of denial. However, whenever he had those feelings, he tried to remind himself of the fact that no matter how much he was creeped out, he wasn't the one who actually had to deal with it. "Oh. Well, I'll go deal with him then..." Mr. Sweet got up and followed his daughter's lead to her bedroom. Just as he expected, the room was empty. There was no "guy". I hate this spooky stuff... Mr. Sweet mentally griped before saying aloud, "So, he's still in there, is he?" "And he's sucking up all the sap running down my walls with a straw!" "Right..." was all Mr. Sweet could respond to that. He stared straight into the room and then at his daughter. Part of him simply wanted to tell her, "Nobody's there" and go back to his office. Only part of him. The other part, his fatherly part, wanted to do something. He thought back to when Sour was little. He used to check under her bed and in the closet for monsters. He chased them all away. It was just like those old times, right? No, of course not. This was way more clinically serious than that. Still, Mr. Sweet realized that he had a job to do. He took a deep breath and marched into his daughter's room, slamming the door shut behind him. At first, Sour was confused by this. Then came the shouting. "Alright, you! Yeah, I'm talking to you! Scram, dirtbag! Get outta here! Go on, get! You're not welcome under this roof! This is MY daughter's room and this is MY house! I've got work to do! I pay the bills here! I'm very important! I drive a Dodge Stratus!!!" Sour couldn't help but to open her door slightly to peek in. The sight of her own father yelling and jumping around at ( what she could now see as ) nothing put a smile on her face. He was making a complete fool of himself. All for her. "And stop sucking up all the sap from the walls!" Mr. Sweet demanded. "That's OUR wall sap!!!" With that, Mr. Sweet composed himself and walked out. "Okay, I got rid of him," he announced confidently. However, that quickly faded as he was obliged to ask, "Um, I did, didn't I?" Sour took her father by surprise by embracing him. "He's gone. Thank you, dad." Mr. Sweet smiled. He wasn't a perfect father, but at least he was proud he could get it right every once in a while. As her father returned to his office, Sour went into her room and closed the door behind her. She gazed around to see it one hundred percent free of the freaks she didn't want in there. "He's not such a bad dad after all," Sour said aloud. She then glanced at an empty corner. "Don't you think, Hershel?" The creature with long black hair with eyes to match and all four limbs completely backward slurped up one of the numerous worms covering its skinny, pale body before grinning and hissing, "He's a peach, love." FINI He Finally Screwed Up? (Adult Days)It was a quiet evening within the walls of Our Church. About the only sound to be heard was the steady typing of Starlight Glimmer as she worked at her computer. She was in the process of completing the latest draft of her newest sermon, "The Lake of Fire: God's Divine Impeachment". Her attention was solely fixed upon her progress, only occasionally breaking for a sip of her cocoa. That was before she heard what sounded like a door slam, followed by a series of stomps. They became louder and louder as they proceeded down the hallway toward Starlight's office. Finally came the frightened cries of two cats along with desperate scratching upon her door. Starlight jumped up and opened it. A small, black kitten named Lil' Trotsky and an old, pudgy tabby named Chairman Meow darted into the safety of her office. They went behind her desk, desperate to hide from whatever demonic entity that dared enter the sanctuary. Starlight glared out to face this force of evil, only to behold something far, far worse: a very angry Sour Sweet. "Oh, Sour!" Starlight greeted. "Something wrong?" Sour's left eye twitched. "May I vent for a minute?" "What are friends for?" Starlight hesitantly answered as she gestured her in. Starlight went back to sit behind her desk. She picked up Trotsky to lay in her lap as Meow chose to curl up at the foot of her chair as he often preferred. "So, today is Second and I's anniversary," Sour sighed furiously as she took her seat. "And you wanna know what the IDIOT decided to get me?" Before Starlight could respond, Sour whipped out an item from her purse. Dangling in the air by two fingers was a pair of frilly, white panties with a strategically placed opening in the shape of a heart. "I found THESE wrapped up in a pretty box upon my desk at work this morning!" Starlight blushed as she placed her hand in front of Lil' Trotsky's innocent eyes. "Oh, wow... that's, uh..." "After all these years and countless rants about feminism, sexism, chauvinism, and all the other isms, he decides to buy me LINGERIE?!" Sour shouted, stuffing the offending article of clothing back into her purse. "Has Second learned absolutely NOTHING?! Buying sexy underwear isn't a gift for ME, it's a gift for HIM! What, does he consider me his private concubine or something?! If I wanted something CROTCHLESS, I would've bought it myself, dammit!" "Sour, perhaps you're blowing this out of proportion just a bit? It's perfectly normal for married couples try to make things, you know, spicier in the relationship. Maybe you should just talk to Second before getting angry?" Sour's eye twitched again. "Oh, there's not going to be very much talking being done when I'm using these panties to strangle Second's last stupid breath from his body!" Sour abruptly got up and began stomping out of Starlight's office. "Um, Sour, you know Second may actually enjoy that, right?" Starlight tried to call out. But it was too late. Sour was gone. **************** Sour Sweet drove like a madwoman on a mission straight home. She rushed inside and was about to head upstairs before she noticed Bitter Honey and Gretchen lying on the living room floor. They were hovering over some children's sports game on a tablet. It was as good as time as any to impart some wise parental advice, Sour decided. "Girls, NEVER get married!" Sour spat. "Boys will only string you along for years with their fedora-tipping-knight-in-shining-armor act before they finally reveal the SICK PERVERTS they truly are!" With that, she stomped up the stairs. "Okay, mama," Bitter nonchalantly replied. She was approaching age five and had well enough experience to not take her mother's angry rants too seriously. "Why would we want to marry boys anyway?" Gretchen asked. "Dunno," Bitter replied as she swiped her finger to score a goal for their team. Sour made it up to the door of Second Person's home office. Her knuckles cracked in anticipation. Her husband was mere moments away from being toast. She forcefully opened up to reveal her target sitting in his chair, facing the doorway as if he was expecting her. "Hey, honey," Second cheerfully greeted. "Don't 'hey honey' me, buster!" Sour growled before whipping out the sexy, but incriminating evidence against him. "Explain THESE!" Second's smile grew brighter. "Oh, good! You got your red herring present." "You bet your dead meat tuchis I got your -" Sour paused, blinking in confusion. "Wait. Red... herring...?" Second shrugged. "You didn't really think with all the isms you've crammed into my head over the years that I'd give you lingerie, did you?" He got up and opened a drawer of his desk. "I just wanted your real present to be an extra special surprise..." Out from the drawer came a stack of paper. It was about the usual size for the printed manuscripts of his novels. He reverently handed the document to his wife. Her eyes widened as she saw the title: Sour 'n Sweet 'n Pretty: Living and Loving with Schizophrenia "It's just the first draft," Second explained. "Of course, nothing in it will be published without your say-so. That is, if you want any of it to be published." Sour glanced up at him in disbelief. "You wrote a book about... me?" Second nodded. "But... why?" Second smiled and leaned in closer, softly replying, "Because you have a story that deserves to be told, Sour. You can help a lot of people who have been in your situation. You can give them hope." He kissed her forehead. "Besides, I couldn't resist from writing about my favorite subject forever, could I?" Sour's eyes teared up. She launched herself and latched onto her dear husband in a warm embrace. "Thank you, Second." "Thank you for being my wonderful wife, Sour." She loosened her hold on him and suddenly held up the crotchless panties once again. A sultry grin spread across her face. "Maybe we can find a use for my red herring gift, after all..." Second grinned stupidly. "You know, I did buy the matching bra just in case you actually liked it." His wife's fist struck his stomach with full force. Second immediately fell to the floor onto his knees. Tears of satisfied pain formed in his eyes as he glanced up to his beaming Sour Sweetheart. "Happy anniversary, dork." FINI Campus <Tree> Security (College Days)Gilda couldn't help but to pose in front of the mirror. She had a shiny badge attached to her shirt, handcuffs dangling from her left hip, and a holstered gun on her right. She'd never been the biggest fan of authority, but even she had to admit that she looked good as a cop. Well, she wasn't really a cop per se. She was the newest campus security officer for Crystal State University. After having a few run-ins with the law in the past, she was the law now. And it felt quite sexy indeed. Her dormmate, Sour Sweet came up and whistled approvingly. "Well, this place is certainly going to feel a whole lot safer." "You mean for you or the guys you keep threatening to snap their pickle off when they try to hit on you?" Gilda asked pointedly, referring to the recent little incident which led her to enter the security force in the first place. "It's not my fault there's too few danger alarms across campus. Maybe the dean will finally do something about it if I threatened to snap HIS pickle off." Gilda was about to comment when her radio sounded off. Sour cringed at the loud, irritating rings and tones which preceded human speech. She listened in to the code-filled gibberish before she finally could make out, " - at the front of the Student Center." "Gotta go!" Gilda said as she ran out. Sour watched her go. She hesitated for a moment, before the increasing feelings of dread and worry compelled her to run after her. When they reached the Student Center, it wasn't hard to spot the disturbance. Several students had gathered around with their phones out, recording the show. There, kneeling on the lawn and wielding a hacksaw, was a well-dressed young man. He was currently hard at work trying to cut down one of the small trees decorating the front entrance. Gilda and Sour were surprised, not only by the bizarre sight, but the fact that they actually recognized the guy. It was Rising Star, a former classmate who once attempted to rope Twilight Sparkle into a brainwashing plot during the first Canter-Crys science fair. "The heck is going on here?" Gilda asked, cocking her head. Rising lifted his head and proudly declared as he pointed at the center, "These fools denied me the scholarship that I rightfully deserve! Now, it's payback time!" He cackled maniacally. "SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR PRECIOUS TREES, CSU!!!" "He was always a sore loser," Sour grumbled, partly grateful that Fluttershy wasn't present to witness such a senseless act of arborcide. Gilda took a step forward. "Alright, dweeb. Drop the saw and come along quietly!" Rising just ignored her, if not began to speed up his sawing. "That's it -" Gilda started before Sour suddenly held out her hand to stop her. "Wait, Gilda," Sour said confidently. "I'll take him on first." "Sour, butt out! This is MY job, remember?" Sour flashed her a cocky grin. "Hey, there's always room for a street-smart civilian partner in situations like these, aren't there?" In truth, Sour was simply worried for her dormmate. Rising had a weapon. Even if he didn't intend on harming anybody but the innocent trees, a weapon was a weapon. Gilda may end up having to draw hers. Sour was determined for things not to escalate. And so, she took the only course of action that could come to her head at that moment... "POCKET CHANGE!!!" she cried as she swiftly emptied the contents of her pants pocket and flung them. Some of the coins landed a direct hit to Rising's face, causing him to drop the hacksaw. Taking her cue, Gilda launched herself at the perp. They tussled for a moment, before Gilda managed to gain control of the situation. She flipped him onto his stomach, pinned his back with her knee, and took hold of his hands. Onto his wrists slapped the handcuffs. **************** Gilda strutted out of the main security office. Her superior was proud that her first call had gone so well. She was too, however she knew very well that a lot of the credit went to her "street-smart civilian partner". Speaking of which... Sour Sweet was there waiting outside for her. The dormmates fist bumped and began their way towards lunch. Sour and Gilda were grateful for their unlikely friendship. College life was a little less overwhelming with someone there who had your back. It was a bond they would share through graduation and beyond. The only hiccup being the time Gilda would have to arrest Sour for topless protesting on campus, but fortunately that was only a brief phase. FINI Author's Note This short was inspired by my late best friend. When we were in college, he joined campus security. And yes, he did actually tackle a guy trying to cut down the campus trees out of revenge for being denied financial aid. The world is a weird place Also, before anyone asks, Rising Star is from the chapter book, Twilight Sparkle's Science Fair Sparks.
Morning Kisses (Adult Days)There was a spark in the darkness. A warm, blissful spark. One in which not even the best of dreams could retain their grip against. Sour Sweet's eyes fluttered open. Hovering above her was her husband, his lips softly planted on hers. He parted from her and smiled. "Good morning, sweetness," Second Person greeted. Sour breathed deeply and began moving to wake her body up. "You think I'm Sleeping Beauty or something?" "Sleeping? Not anymore. Beauty? So much yes." That earned Second his first eye roll of the day. In truth, it was in the morning where he considered his wife the most beautiful. No makeup and all natural. Her long hair an unbridled, sexy mess. The angry "Where's the damn coffee?" look in the eyes. "And how would you like it if I woke you up by invading your personal space?" Sour asked, pointedly. "You know I would love it." Sour nodded. "Tomorrow then. Only I won't use a kiss." "Oh, really?" Second's mind was already filling up with perverted possibilities. "What would you wake me up with then?" "Don't ruin the surprise." "Come on. Care to give me a preview?" He leaned in and whispered softly into her ear, "Right now?" "Fine..." Before Second could prepare, Sour whipped into position and launched a rapid kick into his chest. His body shot back across the bed and over the edge. He landed face-first on the floor with a loud THUD. "You awake, dear?" asked a smirking Sour. "Very much so..." Second groaned in delightful pain. **************** Sour Sweet slowly opened the door and peeked inside her four-year-old daughter's room. Bitter Honey was still in peaceful slumber. Sour quietly entered, went up to her bedside, and smiled. She wouldn't admit it to her husband, but he wasn't the only one in this family who liked to give morning kisses. Sour bent down and planted a peck upon Bitter's lips. The little one began to stir and open her eyes. Once she glimpsed her mother, however, Bitter's eyes closed back and her body limped as if she suddenly went back to sleep. "Bitter, time to get up," Sour announced as she pulled back the cover. "I'm not awake yet," Bitter said. Sour put her hands on her hips. "You obviously are." "No, I'm not. Maybe I need another kiss?" Sour chuckled and complied. Bitter received another peck. "Hmm..." Bitter pondered, not moving an inch. "Nope. Still asleep." "Is that so?" "Try kissing one more time." A few moments went by with Bitter awaiting her next kiss. Nothing. She was about to open her eyes to see what the hold up was before she suddenly felt fingers at her sides. That successfully made Bitter's eyes open wide up and mouth begin wailing with laughter. "This is what you get for being greedy with kisses!" Sour gleefully declared as she mercilessly tickled her daughter. "Okay, okay!" Bitter managed through her laughs. "I'll get up now! I'll get up!" **************** There was a pain in the darkness. A quick, unexpected pain. One in which even the best of dreams would be swiftly disregarded in need for investigation. Gilda's eyes shot open. Standing at her bedside was her own four-year-old daughter along with a multitude of certain foil-wrapped chocolates scattered atop the bed. "Bitter told me that her family gives each other kisses in the morning," Gretchen explained. "Want some more?" she added before chucking another handful at her mother's face. Gilda groaned. "Wrong kind of kisses, brat." She then couldn't help but smile. "But it's the thought that counts..." FINI
Beta Testing (Crystal Prep Days)"Sour? Am I a beta male?" "Yessiree." Second Person gave his girlfriend a look from across his room. Sour Sweet glanced up from her homework to shoot him one right back. "Don't ask questions you know the answer to." Second sighed. "Sorry, I was just looking through First's new posts." He handed Sour his phone. She scrolled down an array of photos by Second's older brother, First Person. They all featured him at various locations around his college campus. On the racquetball court as he was pulling up his shirt to show off his six-pack abs. At a frat party as he was pulling up his shirt to show off his six-pack abs. In the dean's office receiving some award... as he was pulling up his shirt to show off his six-pack abs. Each was captioned with "#betamalefreezone". "Oh dear, are you feeling inferior to your brother?" Sour rolled her eyes. "Are we really dealing with this AGAIN?!" "Sometimes I can't help it, I guess." "You need a confidence boost." At that moment, a ping came from Sour's phone. She checked it and smiled. "Ooh, perfect timing there, Indigo!" "Huh?" Sour faced her phone in Second's direction so he could see the message just received. Yo, need a spotter. Anyone free? **************** Second Person and Sour Sweet were soon in front of Indigo Zap's house. The garage door was open. Inside was CPA's premier athlete, surrounded by weight lifting equipment as both arms were at work pumping dumbbells. She was wearing a matching black sports bra and shorts, which nicely showed off her firm body. "Hey, guys," Indigo greeted, putting the dumbbells down. "Check out my brand new home gym! It's my early graduation present. Thanks for coming to help me break these babies in." "No problem," Second said. "So, what did you mean by needing a 'spotter'?" Indigo laughed. "You really don't anything about weight lifting, do you, Second?" Second lifted his lackluster arms. "Does it look like I do? Probably should have called my big brother for this..." "Hey, you're the only Person I would want to hang out with," Indigo assured with a wink. "Come on, I'll show you want to do." They followed her over to the bench press. Indigo lay her back down on it and explained, "Just stand behind me and if I'm having any trouble lifting, catch the barbell and put it back on the rack for me." "Okay..." Second said before adding under his breath, "... good thing you have Sour here..." Indigo chuckled as she lifted the barbell off to begin pumping. "You know what I like about you, Second? You're not intimidated by a strong woman like a lot of guys are." Second shrugged. "Strong in body, strong in mind, strong in heart. I like all women." Indigo smirked. "You especially like dominant women as I hear Sour tell it." "That's right!" Sour cooed teasingly. She began ruffling up her boyfriend's hair like one would to a dog. "Who's a good beta? Who's a good beta? You are!" Indigo pumped once more and placed the barbell back on the rack. "You know what?" She sat up and turned to Second. "You may need this more than me. Wanna try?" Second suppressed the urge to laugh. "You're kidding, right?" Indigo got up. "Nope. Sour, if you please?" Second was suddenly seized by his girlfriend and forced down on the bench. He nervously stared up at the barbell as Indigo went into position to spot him. Sour was right next to her, sadistically smirking down at him. "This is so not a good idea, guys..." Second whimpered. "Don't give me none of that!" Indigo spat, putting her game face on. "Give me twenty reps!" "Twenty?!" Second gasped. "Ten?" "Ten?!" "Five?" "Five?!" Sour smacked her forehead. "ONE! Just do ONE, Second!" Second sighed as he reached up. He could do one. Maybe? Gritting his teeth, he tried raising the barbell from the rack. Tried, but failed. "Here," Indigo said as she lifted the barbell off for him. The barbell nearly dropped straight down before Second miraculously summoned the strength to catch it merely an inch above his neck. Every muscle in Second's body strained and struggled to push it up. "Come on, you can do it, champ!" Indigo couched. "Just don't die trying..." Sour muttered. Slowly, little by ever so little, the barbell began to rise. Second's concentration focused entirely on this single task. The barbell went a quarter of the way... two quarters... three... First does it, so should you, Second told himself before immediately counterpointing, But what's wrong with what Second does? Summoning every fiber of his being, Second pushed it all the way. His arms went completely straight in the air. "See, what did I tell you?!" Indigo cheered as she took the barbell and placed it back on the rack. "Indigo Zap knows potential when she sees it! Join me for daily routines and we'll turn you into a ripped monster in no time, Second!" "Indigo..." Second uttered through heavy panting. "... would it offend you if I declined that offer?" Indigo smiled. "Not at all." "It's just not my thing..." Sour came up from behind Second, wrapped her arms around him, and affectionately nuzzled his neck. "Exactly, so stop brooding over your brother's photos. And realize that I'm HAPPY you're not a douchebag!" "Yeah, in fact, let's take a pic of our own," Indigo declared as she retrieved her phone. "#chicksdigbetas!" Indigo and Sour leaned in on opposite sides of Second. They struck sexy poses with matching facial expressions. Indigo was about to snap the picture, when Second shot his hand up. "Wait, wait!" Second then pulled up his shirt to show off his flat stomach and grinned. "Alright, now." Later, Second would notice that First had given the photo a like. For one of the few times in his life, Second felt proud of himself. FINI
Mother Talk (Adult Days)"Sour, do you hate me?" Sour Sweet glanced over at the older woman. She had expected that question to come up at some point. Just not at a time like this. The sun had just set, allowing the cool night to begin. It was refreshing considering just how hot it had gotten during the day. Sour was wearing comfortable shorts and sandals which clashed with her companion. Niban Person was wearing a white halter pleated dress with matching high heels. The two of them were standing in front of Sour's house as they waited for another two to be ready. "Of course not, Niban." Niban chuckled and gave her daughter-in-law a skeptical look. "Oh, really? I'm pretty sure I've heard the 'h' word come up quite a lot." Sour sighed with embarrassment. "Come on, we all say things we don't mean in the heat of the moment." "I suppose," Niban agreed with a nod. "We do argue about politics a lot, don't we? A lot of time wasted." "Yeah, we should just let the inevitable Civil War II settle things, huh?" The two women shared a big, hearty laugh. Eventually, the hearty laugh lowered to become a moderate giggle. Finally, the moderate giggle died down to an uncomfortable, nervous chuckle as they both realized that their country was doomed. "Anyway," Niban said quickly, desperately trying to change the subject. "What did you and Bitter do today?" Sour smiled. "Oh, we just hung out. I took her to her favorite food joint. Her kids' meal came with the toy she wanted. That made her happy. After that, we went to the movies to catch a matinee. She loved it so much, she made me clap with her as the credits came up. When we got home, she surprised me with about a dozen homemade cards she – " Sour paused, suddenly covering her mouth with her hand. It took all her being not to start crying right then. Not too long ago, she was getting treatment at a mental hospital for a schizophrenic relapse with an attempt to end her life, and now here she was having such a good time with it. It was all a bit overwhelming. "It was a good day," Sour finally managed to say as she wiped some stray tears. "A very good day." Niban reached over and gently took Sour by the hand. "You know, Sour. I don't say this as much as I should, but thank you for giving me such a wonderful granddaughter." "I should thank you for giving me such a good husband. He loves you very much." She then gave Niban a look. "Despite the whole, you know, toxic childhood and everything." "I suppose I should let my son know how I really feel." Niban grew a look of regret. "Both of them." With the sound of the front door opening, Sour replied, "Now's your chance." Second Person and First Person emerged out of the house. Both were wearing fine suits and ties, ready for a night on the town. "Are you ready, madam?" Second asked, offering his arm to his mother. An entertained Sour laughed internally over how sauve her husband was attempting to be. Second's light and dark purple hair was even slicked back. She had always tried to remind the dork to know his limits. Niban was impressed, however. That was all that mattered. "Ready as I'll ever be," Niban giggled. Niban took hold of both her sons' arms. With one last smile to Sour, she followed their lead to the car. Watching them drive off to their dinner date, Sour breathed a sigh of contentment and perhaps a bit of annoyance. Why was it only on holidays that she and her mother-in-law could get along? Sour shrugged, deciding to let the mystery stay a mystery. She turned and went back inside her home. When Sour entered the living room, she beheld the sight of her daughter sitting at the coffee table. The whole area was a mess of construction paper, ribbons, glitter, and safety scissors. A huge puddle of glue was prominently displayed on top of the table, some of which was running off the edge and dripping onto the carpet. Bitter Honey glanced up at her mother and grinned. "Mama, I made you some more cards!" Her grin quickly faded. "Sorry about the glue." Once again, Sour suppressed the urge to start crying. Not over spilled glue, but how happy she was. She went over and picked Bitter up into her arms. She hugged her daughter with every ounce of love within her. "Happy Mother's Day, mama." "Thank you, baby." FINI
Bad Memories and Recolors (Crystal Prep Days)The door of El Taco Sucio chimed. The line at the counter was already long when Sour Sweet and Second Person entered. Sour immediantly began to grow furious. Second had to take her hand and give a reassuring squeeze to be patient. "How much money do you have?" Sour asked. Second reached in his pocket and found a single bill. "Ten bucks." "That's it?" Sour grumbled. "There's always the dollar menu," Second sighed, shaking his head. "If we ever get married, I probably won't be the best provider for our family." Sour crossed her arms. "Luckily we won't need to find out since I'm never getting married or having children." Second frowned. "Yeah, I know." Hearing the disappointment in her boyfriend's voice, Sour mercifully added, "But if I ever did, then I would obviously serve as the career breadwinner." She then stared daggers straight into Second's eyes. "And whoever I marry had BETTER be content with doing the housework, diaper changing, and drawing a nice, hot bath for me when I get home every night." Second gave her a loving smile. "I'm sure they will." The door chimed once more with the entrance of another customer. Sour and Second both made a cumpulasory glance over. However, their stare lingered. Sour kept looking because she recongized the girl joining the line. Second kept looking out of a different sort of recognition. "Sonata Dusk, it's been a while," Sour greeted. The blue girl with the pony tail glanced over and gave an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I'm not supposed to talk to strangers." "I'm not a stranger, silly. Come on, we've met before!" Sonata cocked her head. "For realsies?" "When I fought your sister." Sonata cocked her head the other way. "Dagi?" She was reminding Sour of a confused puppy at this point. "No, the pissy emo one." "Oh, Aria!" Sonata giggled. "Yeah, she gets into a lot of fights. What was yours about again?" Sour let out a frustrated groan. "Would you believe that I don't even remember? Part of me thinks it started with deep fried Oreos, but that would LITERALLY be the dumbest reason ever. Then another part of me thinks it was about Second, but that can't be either because he's certainly not WORTH fighting over." Second's shoulders slumped. "Thanks, my love." "Huh," Sonata said as she stroked her chin, deep in thought... or, at least, trying to appear deep in thought. "Funny how I don't remember you and you don't remember how the fight started..." "Well, you're the only good memory I have of that little affair." Sour extended her hand. "Nice to see you again." Sonata gleefully shook Sour's hand. "Sure, nice to see you for the first time that I can recall!" Sour rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to her boyfriend. His eyes were currently going back and forth between her and Sonata. "Stop thinking whatever you're thinking," Sour commanded, only as loud as Second could hear. "Oh, I'm not thinking anything," Second lied. "I know when you're thinking something stupid." "Well, it's just that Sonata kinda looks like you." "Stop making things up." "No, really. Your hair styles are very similar." He smirked. "You know, if you painted yourself blue – " Second pinched Second's arm, making him quietly yelp. "In your creepy, Smurf-fetish dreams, buster..." Another chime from the door sounded. Sonata, Sour, and Second turned their heads. In walked Majorette, a CHS student who appeared remarkably like Sour, only without freckles or any aquamarine in her hair. In fact, just to tease his girlfriend, Second had privately given her the nickname "Sweeten Sour". Majorette stopped and stared at Sour Sweet, then at Sonata. All three girls ended up in an awkward silence just trading glances. Second, on the other hand, was slowly pulling out his phone to capture the moment before the very fabric of reality unraveled from too much waifu in one location. What would it be like to be married to three Sour Sweets? Second mentally mused. He then shook his head. Come on, stop thinking silly things. Keep it up and one day you'll have a daughter that looks just like Sour, too... FINI Author's Note Why does it feel like I'm setting up a future one-shot?
Chasing the Monsters (Crystal Prep Days)Mr. Sweet knew he wasn't the best man who ever lived, but he wasn't the worst ever either. Sure he shirked his fatherly responsibilities, emotionally cut himself off from his own daughter, and caused her psychological pain to the point where she almost drowned herself, but... No. There were no buts. That was horrendous and he had a long, long, LONG way to go to make that up to Sour Sweet. Mr. Sweet shook his head. He hated when his ruminations of mistakes past caused him to get distracted. He was sitting at his desk in his home office. Paper work had been piling up, so he trying to get through it as fast as he could before the deadline next morning. There was then a knock upon his open door. Without looking up, Mr. Sweet let out a frustrated sigh. "What?" "Daddy?" Mr. Sweet looked over. There was his daughter in the doorway. She seemed hesitant, perhaps even a little frightened. The thought came to him that she could be scared of talking to him. He supposed he couldn't blame her. "Yes, Sour?" Mr. Sweet asked, his voice trying its best to sound gentle as possible. "There's a guy in my room." Mr. Sweet raised an eyebrow. "A guy?" Sour nodded. "The bastard won't leave." "Uh, are you talking about your boyfriend?" "Nope." Sour shrugged. "Just some guy." Mr. Sweet stared at her. A creeping feeling came up his spine. Was this an episode? He suppressed a shiver. Schizophrenia scared him. He could still recall how he felt when he first received the news of the diagnosis. Confusion, fear, and a bit of denial. However, whenever he had those feelings, he tried to remind himself of the fact that no matter how much he was creeped out, he wasn't the one who actually had to deal with it. "Oh. Well, I'll go deal with him then..." Mr. Sweet got up and followed his daughter's lead to her bedroom. Just as he expected, the room was empty. There was no "guy". I hate this spooky stuff... Mr. Sweet mentally griped before saying aloud, "So, he's still in there, is he?" "And he's sucking up all the sap running down my walls with a straw!" "Right..." was all Mr. Sweet could respond to that. He stared straight into the room and then at his daughter. Part of him simply wanted to tell her, "Nobody's there" and go back to his office. Only part of him. The other part, his fatherly part, wanted to do something. He thought back to when Sour was little. He used to check under her bed and in the closet for monsters. He chased them all away. It was just like those old times, right? No, of course not. This was way more clinically serious than that. Still, Mr. Sweet realized that he had a job to do. He took a deep breath and marched into his daughter's room, slamming the door shut behind him. At first, Sour was confused by this. Then came the shouting. "Alright, you! Yeah, I'm talking to you! Scram, dirtbag! Get outta here! Go on, get! You're not welcome under this roof! This is MY daughter's room and this is MY house! I've got work to do! I pay the bills here! I'm very important! I drive a Dodge Stratus!!!" Sour couldn't help but to open her door slightly to peek in. The sight of her own father yelling and jumping around at ( what she could now see as ) nothing put a smile on her face. He was making a complete fool of himself. All for her. "And stop sucking up all the sap from the walls!" Mr. Sweet demanded. "That's OUR wall sap!!!" With that, Mr. Sweet composed himself and walked out. "Okay, I got rid of him," he announced confidently. However, that quickly faded as he was obliged to ask, "Um, I did, didn't I?" Sour took her father by surprise by embracing him. "He's gone. Thank you, dad." Mr. Sweet smiled. He wasn't a perfect father, but at least he was proud he could get it right every once in a while. As her father returned to his office, Sour went into her room and closed the door behind her. She gazed around to see it one hundred percent free of the freaks she didn't want in there. "He's not such a bad dad after all," Sour said aloud. She then glanced at an empty corner. "Don't you think, Hershel?" The creature with long black hair with eyes to match and all four limbs completely backward slurped up one of the numerous worms covering its skinny, pale body before grinning and hissing, "He's a peach, love." FINI
He Finally Screwed Up? (Adult Days)It was a quiet evening within the walls of Our Church. About the only sound to be heard was the steady typing of Starlight Glimmer as she worked at her computer. She was in the process of completing the latest draft of her newest sermon, "The Lake of Fire: God's Divine Impeachment". Her attention was solely fixed upon her progress, only occasionally breaking for a sip of her cocoa. That was before she heard what sounded like a door slam, followed by a series of stomps. They became louder and louder as they proceeded down the hallway toward Starlight's office. Finally came the frightened cries of two cats along with desperate scratching upon her door. Starlight jumped up and opened it. A small, black kitten named Lil' Trotsky and an old, pudgy tabby named Chairman Meow darted into the safety of her office. They went behind her desk, desperate to hide from whatever demonic entity that dared enter the sanctuary. Starlight glared out to face this force of evil, only to behold something far, far worse: a very angry Sour Sweet. "Oh, Sour!" Starlight greeted. "Something wrong?" Sour's left eye twitched. "May I vent for a minute?" "What are friends for?" Starlight hesitantly answered as she gestured her in. Starlight went back to sit behind her desk. She picked up Trotsky to lay in her lap as Meow chose to curl up at the foot of her chair as he often preferred. "So, today is Second and I's anniversary," Sour sighed furiously as she took her seat. "And you wanna know what the IDIOT decided to get me?" Before Starlight could respond, Sour whipped out an item from her purse. Dangling in the air by two fingers was a pair of frilly, white panties with a strategically placed opening in the shape of a heart. "I found THESE wrapped up in a pretty box upon my desk at work this morning!" Starlight blushed as she placed her hand in front of Lil' Trotsky's innocent eyes. "Oh, wow... that's, uh..." "After all these years and countless rants about feminism, sexism, chauvinism, and all the other isms, he decides to buy me LINGERIE?!" Sour shouted, stuffing the offending article of clothing back into her purse. "Has Second learned absolutely NOTHING?! Buying sexy underwear isn't a gift for ME, it's a gift for HIM! What, does he consider me his private concubine or something?! If I wanted something CROTCHLESS, I would've bought it myself, dammit!" "Sour, perhaps you're blowing this out of proportion just a bit? It's perfectly normal for married couples try to make things, you know, spicier in the relationship. Maybe you should just talk to Second before getting angry?" Sour's eye twitched again. "Oh, there's not going to be very much talking being done when I'm using these panties to strangle Second's last stupid breath from his body!" Sour abruptly got up and began stomping out of Starlight's office. "Um, Sour, you know Second may actually enjoy that, right?" Starlight tried to call out. But it was too late. Sour was gone. **************** Sour Sweet drove like a madwoman on a mission straight home. She rushed inside and was about to head upstairs before she noticed Bitter Honey and Gretchen lying on the living room floor. They were hovering over some children's sports game on a tablet. It was as good as time as any to impart some wise parental advice, Sour decided. "Girls, NEVER get married!" Sour spat. "Boys will only string you along for years with their fedora-tipping-knight-in-shining-armor act before they finally reveal the SICK PERVERTS they truly are!" With that, she stomped up the stairs. "Okay, mama," Bitter nonchalantly replied. She was approaching age five and had well enough experience to not take her mother's angry rants too seriously. "Why would we want to marry boys anyway?" Gretchen asked. "Dunno," Bitter replied as she swiped her finger to score a goal for their team. Sour made it up to the door of Second Person's home office. Her knuckles cracked in anticipation. Her husband was mere moments away from being toast. She forcefully opened up to reveal her target sitting in his chair, facing the doorway as if he was expecting her. "Hey, honey," Second cheerfully greeted. "Don't 'hey honey' me, buster!" Sour growled before whipping out the sexy, but incriminating evidence against him. "Explain THESE!" Second's smile grew brighter. "Oh, good! You got your red herring present." "You bet your dead meat tuchis I got your -" Sour paused, blinking in confusion. "Wait. Red... herring...?" Second shrugged. "You didn't really think with all the isms you've crammed into my head over the years that I'd give you lingerie, did you?" He got up and opened a drawer of his desk. "I just wanted your real present to be an extra special surprise..." Out from the drawer came a stack of paper. It was about the usual size for the printed manuscripts of his novels. He reverently handed the document to his wife. Her eyes widened as she saw the title: Sour 'n Sweet 'n Pretty: Living and Loving with Schizophrenia "It's just the first draft," Second explained. "Of course, nothing in it will be published without your say-so. That is, if you want any of it to be published." Sour glanced up at him in disbelief. "You wrote a book about... me?" Second nodded. "But... why?" Second smiled and leaned in closer, softly replying, "Because you have a story that deserves to be told, Sour. You can help a lot of people who have been in your situation. You can give them hope." He kissed her forehead. "Besides, I couldn't resist from writing about my favorite subject forever, could I?" Sour's eyes teared up. She launched herself and latched onto her dear husband in a warm embrace. "Thank you, Second." "Thank you for being my wonderful wife, Sour." She loosened her hold on him and suddenly held up the crotchless panties once again. A sultry grin spread across her face. "Maybe we can find a use for my red herring gift, after all..." Second grinned stupidly. "You know, I did buy the matching bra just in case you actually liked it." His wife's fist struck his stomach with full force. Second immediately fell to the floor onto his knees. Tears of satisfied pain formed in his eyes as he glanced up to his beaming Sour Sweetheart. "Happy anniversary, dork." FINI
Campus <Tree> Security (College Days)Gilda couldn't help but to pose in front of the mirror. She had a shiny badge attached to her shirt, handcuffs dangling from her left hip, and a holstered gun on her right. She'd never been the biggest fan of authority, but even she had to admit that she looked good as a cop. Well, she wasn't really a cop per se. She was the newest campus security officer for Crystal State University. After having a few run-ins with the law in the past, she was the law now. And it felt quite sexy indeed. Her dormmate, Sour Sweet came up and whistled approvingly. "Well, this place is certainly going to feel a whole lot safer." "You mean for you or the guys you keep threatening to snap their pickle off when they try to hit on you?" Gilda asked pointedly, referring to the recent little incident which led her to enter the security force in the first place. "It's not my fault there's too few danger alarms across campus. Maybe the dean will finally do something about it if I threatened to snap HIS pickle off." Gilda was about to comment when her radio sounded off. Sour cringed at the loud, irritating rings and tones which preceded human speech. She listened in to the code-filled gibberish before she finally could make out, " - at the front of the Student Center." "Gotta go!" Gilda said as she ran out. Sour watched her go. She hesitated for a moment, before the increasing feelings of dread and worry compelled her to run after her. When they reached the Student Center, it wasn't hard to spot the disturbance. Several students had gathered around with their phones out, recording the show. There, kneeling on the lawn and wielding a hacksaw, was a well-dressed young man. He was currently hard at work trying to cut down one of the small trees decorating the front entrance. Gilda and Sour were surprised, not only by the bizarre sight, but the fact that they actually recognized the guy. It was Rising Star, a former classmate who once attempted to rope Twilight Sparkle into a brainwashing plot during the first Canter-Crys science fair. "The heck is going on here?" Gilda asked, cocking her head. Rising lifted his head and proudly declared as he pointed at the center, "These fools denied me the scholarship that I rightfully deserve! Now, it's payback time!" He cackled maniacally. "SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR PRECIOUS TREES, CSU!!!" "He was always a sore loser," Sour grumbled, partly grateful that Fluttershy wasn't present to witness such a senseless act of arborcide. Gilda took a step forward. "Alright, dweeb. Drop the saw and come along quietly!" Rising just ignored her, if not began to speed up his sawing. "That's it -" Gilda started before Sour suddenly held out her hand to stop her. "Wait, Gilda," Sour said confidently. "I'll take him on first." "Sour, butt out! This is MY job, remember?" Sour flashed her a cocky grin. "Hey, there's always room for a street-smart civilian partner in situations like these, aren't there?" In truth, Sour was simply worried for her dormmate. Rising had a weapon. Even if he didn't intend on harming anybody but the innocent trees, a weapon was a weapon. Gilda may end up having to draw hers. Sour was determined for things not to escalate. And so, she took the only course of action that could come to her head at that moment... "POCKET CHANGE!!!" she cried as she swiftly emptied the contents of her pants pocket and flung them. Some of the coins landed a direct hit to Rising's face, causing him to drop the hacksaw. Taking her cue, Gilda launched herself at the perp. They tussled for a moment, before Gilda managed to gain control of the situation. She flipped him onto his stomach, pinned his back with her knee, and took hold of his hands. Onto his wrists slapped the handcuffs. **************** Gilda strutted out of the main security office. Her superior was proud that her first call had gone so well. She was too, however she knew very well that a lot of the credit went to her "street-smart civilian partner". Speaking of which... Sour Sweet was there waiting outside for her. The dormmates fist bumped and began their way towards lunch. Sour and Gilda were grateful for their unlikely friendship. College life was a little less overwhelming with someone there who had your back. It was a bond they would share through graduation and beyond. The only hiccup being the time Gilda would have to arrest Sour for topless protesting on campus, but fortunately that was only a brief phase. FINI Author's Note This short was inspired by my late best friend. When we were in college, he joined campus security. And yes, he did actually tackle a guy trying to cut down the campus trees out of revenge for being denied financial aid. The world is a weird place Also, before anyone asks, Rising Star is from the chapter book, Twilight Sparkle's Science Fair Sparks.
