Robbie Rotten and the Town of Equality
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One day, everyone's favorite lazy supervillain, Robbie Rotten, sat down to watch TV in his lair. After pressing a button on his remote and setting a bowl of popcorn on his lap, he immediately saw the Season 5 premiere of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic: The Cutie Map. Several ponies had creepy smiles, dampened colors, matching hairdos, and special talent-supressing equal cutie marks. "What's that?!?" As Robbie jerked in shock of what he saw, his popcorn flew out of his bowl. He then changed the channel five times, but only got to see different segments of the two-parter. "The equal cutie marks have a TV show?!? ENOUGH!" With one more button press, he turned the TV off, leaving nothing but a black screen. "I'm the type of villain that My Little Pony Friendship is Magic needs, not those overrated and overpowered magical rip offs who are only beaten because they not only let the Mane Six win, but never hire a goon or two to restrain Twilight before she saves the day with the magic of friendship! Also, the Mane Six make idiot decisions that allow the villains' plans to progress, such as Twilight being very passive during Twilight's Kingdom! She did nothing to protect her friends from the villain until after its big fight, and instead let them get captured and used as hostages! Those villain episodes are so predictable and uncomfortable that they get old really fast!"
Robbie Rotten then ran out of his lair towards an airing of the two-parter, arriving at the moment the Mane Six were in a cave and Starlight Glimmer, who still had a bright coat, started ripping off Twilight's cutie mark. Before Twilight could lose the cutie mark and her magic, Robbie covered the two-parter with his purple curtain and announced, "Don't let your kids watch it! Before you know it, they're be traumatized during a depressing sequence of the Mane Six losing their cutie marks and special talents! Also, Twilight should be able to power out of a magic hold so she doesn't lose her cutie mark, and her friends just unhelpfully stood there! So cringeworthy!"
He then proceeded to also cover the two-parter's musical number, In Our Town, with another purple curtain and announce, "Don't let your kids watch In Our Town! Before you know it, they're gonna stop dreaming forever! Also, every song after Friendship is Magic Season 2 is pretty forgettable. Watch me sing You Are A Pirate and We Are Number One instead, two very memetic songs. Now I have to deal with this premiere itself."
Then to replace the two-parter with a sequence of his own actions, he went inside the two-parter itself, arriving right before the cave scene. Pulling out his shovel, he dug a very deep hole at the spot Starlight would stand in during the actual episode and covered the hole with leaves. Then he left the cave and set banana peels on the ground in front of its entrance. "Now watch and learn, here's the deal! She'll slip and slide on this banana peel! Ha ha ha!"
The moment Starlight and the Mane Six arrived in front of the cave, Robbie hid behind the cave. Starlight saw the banana peels he set and stopped the group's advance. "Banana peels. Someone wants me to slip and slide on them." She telekinetically threw the banana peels aside. As they landed back in the street, several of her followers slipped and slid on them.
"MY LEG!"
What are you doing?!? Robbie then span around, put on his purple T-Rex suit, stepped out of his hiding spot, and roared at Starlight. Starlight promptly panicked and ran into the cave where she fell down the hole for a long time. The startled Mane Six ran away as well, but away from the cave instead of into it.
After clumsily hobbling around due to the T-Rex suit preventing him from seeing anything, Robbie removed the suit and told the Mane Six, "I'm Robbie Rotten. It's not safe for you guys to go in there! Otherwise you'll lose your cutie marks and special talents, becoming downright helpless!"
Twilight replied, "But the Cutie Map sent us here for a reason: To solve a friendship problem."
"That I'm built to solve better than you. Trust me. You don't want to be helpless, do you?", Robbie continued.
"Helpless?", Twilight continued. "But you're never helpless with the magi-"
Robbie cut Twilight off by throwing lazy food sauce at her, causing her to quickly collapse. "Yeah yeah, but before the purple princess can invoke it, her friends get sidelined in one way or another first nine times out of ten."
"YOU! Leave Twilight alone!" Rainbow Dash charged at Robbie, but he caught her with a net, making her come to a complete stop. But Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy still gave Robbie the benefit of a doubt, not bothering to attack him.
Rarity started levitating some gems, ready to thrust them at Robbie. Stepping aside, Robbie threw banana peels at the gems to briefly knock them away, then continued, "I mean you no harm. This is for your own good. Now please leave those equal cutie marks to me."
Rarity hesitated to attack Robbie, refusing to risk losing her special talent. "I'll take your word for it, darling." Dropping the other gems to the floor, she then pulled out a teleportation gem and used it to safely teleport all the Mane Six into an unknown location. Robbie then pulled out a daisy sandwich and applied lazy food sauce to it so Starlight would become lazy the moment she took a bite from the sandwich. Starlight gradually levitated herself out of the hole to meet Robbie Rotten in front of the cave.
"Here's a daisy sandwich for you", Robbie said. After thanking Robbie for the daisy sandwich, Starlight dug her teeth into it and then found herself unable to move a muscle. Then he dropped a magic-draining cage on her, leaving her unable to cast even the most simple of spells. "This is how ponies actually feel with equal cutie marks."
The now-helpless Starlight quivered. "What are you?"
"I'm Robbie Rotten of LazyTown. One of the greatest supervillains of all time. A much better villain than anything that tried to conquer Equestria. I know what you're going to do. After you steal the Mane Six's cutie marks and imprison them, you're going to leave them unattended so they can conspire against you. Pathetic, self-defeating garbage! And since you are brighter than those other ponies with equal cutie marks..." He wiped off Starlight's equal cutie mark with a damp cloth, revealing her true cutie mark: A purple star with two blue streaks. This triggered simultaneous gasps from the town ponies. "You lied to all of them." He turned to the town ponies. "Now all of you will shortly be able to enjoy your special talents again." He pushed a cannon into the cave and fired a cannonball at the cutie mark vault, destroying the vault and restoring all the town ponies' real cutie marks. You'd think a villain like that would keep the stolen cutie marks in a safe instead of fragile glass. "As for Starlight, I won't let her go unpunished like Twilight would." He then pushed his cannon back out of the cave, pointed it at her, and fired it point-blank. Pinned to a second cannonball, Starlight flew into the distance, hit the clock on a tall clock tower, and went up in a massive explosion. "Got you!"
The now-saved town ponies cheered and proceeded to party with their various special talents. Sugar Belle's improved muffins, Double Diamond's ice crystals, and Party Favor's balloon sculptures began to bring pizazz to the liberated town. As DJ-P0N3 walked by Robbie to join in on the party, he offered her a CD of the LazyTown soundtrack and had her play Bing Bang, the celebratory ending theme. Robbie himself also danced and sang along to the music to celebrate the proper defeat of Starlight Glimmer.
THE END
