Luna watched as the stars swirled above her head. She picked out a few of her favorite constellations and traced their shapes with her hoof in the air. Or perhaps I should say void... You see, Luna was an Alicorn. As such, that made her a ruler of the magical land known as Equestria. Her duty, as a princess of the night, was to raise the moon every evening and retire it every morning. But even rulers slack off occasionally right? Luna was on holiday on the very thing she was charged with: the moon. She loved how quiet it was, how the colors seldom changed beyond black and white. It was nice to have some her-time. She enjoyed being on her own with nopony looking at her or groveling; Oh! how she hated the groveling. She wished she could just tell her subjects to knock it off, but she never could or would.
It was nice not having the eyes of a million or so odd various citizens, scholars, guards, and other assorted ponies on her at all hours. There she had to maintain an air of regalia and majesty, and maintain an attitude of rigid decorum and speak in THE ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE. Here she could relax. She could do anything! She could dance about, she could hop from one hoof to the other, try to balance herself on her horn, spin around in circles and blubber her lips, lick the ground, shout obscenities at nothing, see how far she could throw the moon rocks, whip her tail back and forth, read books, put on sock puppet productions, set aside some time for the occasional clop, see how far she could stretch her wings, attempt to scissors kick (she never could succeed), practice raising one eyebrow higher than the other, and all around act like a filly again.
Right now she lay curled up in her favorite crater, her energies focused on trying to tell if one far off comet was traveling at 30,000 miles per hour or 30,000.28 miles per hour. She tried to remember the trick that StarSwirl the Bearded had taught her. Now what was that? She couldn't quite recall. Where were they when he showed her that? Oh right! They were on her bedroom's balcony' peering through a telescope at various cosmic oddities. Luna smiled and giggled quietly to herself. They had found quite another use for that telescope later on that same night...
The princess folded her forelegs and buried her face in them. She closed her eyes as the recollections flooded back into her memory. She missed dating StarSwirl, he was a genius in more than just the area of astrological studies, that's for certain! As her memories occupied most of her consciousness, she felt a familiar tension building up in her loins. "Well the best part of being alone," she said out loud to herself as she flipped onto her back, "is that no one can see me do this..." Luna slipped out of the silver boot that covered her right hoof and placed it aside. She liked doing this with her jewels on, but still needed at least her, erm, active hoof, uncovered. She rested it on her ribs as she allowed herself to become a bit more excited before starting. After she deemed adequate levels of anticipation had been reached she slid hoof down her stomach. Reaching her targeted area she allowed herself a small smile and exhale of breath. She didn't need to breath... and the act of doing so in the vacuum was a bit superfluous, but it still felt nice to Luna.
A few minutes passed of gentle rubbing and Luna decided it was time to move along, moving up just a little bit, she found that one special spot. She hesitated before proceeding, but decided to go along with it anyways. What was the point of solitude if you weren't going to enjoy it? She began to massage it, her thoughts drifting once again to StarSwirl the Bearded. Mere minutes later, she found herself with her head tilted back, her mouth open, and her left hoof gently caressing her rib cage. A few minutes more and her breathing was quicker, louder, more ragged; and in time with her rubbings. Small moans escaped her lips every now and again, but a few minutes later they were made every few seconds. Luna felt herself drawing close, she was mere seconds away. She kept at it; increasing her pace but keeping it steady. Luna let out her biggest moan yet, a single second more was all she needed! She took in a breath as she prepared for the final push when suddenly...
"Nice to see you spending your time so constructively..."
Luna screamed out, for quite another reason then she had been hoping for. She scrambled to her hoofs, the motion accidentally sending rocketing her up into space due to the lower gravity. She propelled her selfback down and slipped her hoof back in her boot. Taking a moment to catch her breath (metaphorically of course) she looked up and saw her older sister and co-ruler of Equestria, Princess Celestia peering down at her from the edge of the crater her forelegs hanging lazily over the edge.
"You!? How!? Why!? I was just..." the younger sister stammered, still in a state of shock at the sight of her sister.
"Did I come at a bad time?" the older alicorn asked with an air of sarcastic concern, a snide smile crossing her lips.
"I was just..."
"Itchy?" offered Celestia teasingly.
"How long have you been there?" asked Luna.
"Just as StarSwirl started using his beard." she answered.
"Damn..." thought Luna, "She even knows what I think about."
"Indeed I do!"
"What?"
"Nothing."
"What do you want?" Luna regarded her sister coldly. Her sardonic remarks, the shock of her showing up unannounced and unexpectedly, and her interruption just before the glorious crescendo of Luna's 'private time' was not doing well to put Luna in a good humor. She looked up at her sister's smirking form. Her older sister was contrary to Luna in the fact that she raised the sun every morning and put it to sleep every night. However she also had the power to control the moon. About a millennium or so ago, (give or take a week) Luna had come to her sister asking for some time off. Just a couple million years or so, nothing too big. Celestia agreed, and promised that she would cover for her and make up some excuse for her absence. Luna just needed a break from the stress of being a ruler; and she was especially run through after having to deal with Celestia's latest boyfriend; some hack name Discord. She had just begun to unwind, so why was the sun goddess disturbing her so soon?
"Oh, I just wanted to join you. You looked like you were having so much fun..."
Luna sighed and took a deep breath to calm herself. "What do you want Celestia?" she repeated.
"Ugh... must you always get straight to business? As evidenced by what I just saw, you know how to take your time with things..." Celestia teased, rolling onto her back to look at her sister from an upside down perspective.
Luna pursed her lips.
"Ugh, fine. I came here to tell you that your holiday's over. You need to come home."
"What!? We agreed on 10,000 years at least! It hasn't even been 1,000 yet!" Luna exclaimed, immediately furious.
"I know, I know, and I'm sorry..." conceded Celestia, flipping back around and waving her hoofs in the universal 'calm down' gesture. "But I've got a problem. Naturally I also have a solution, but unfortunately it requires your participation."
"Problem? What problem could possibly be so important to make you come way out here?" asked Luna hotly.
"Well you see ... I have this student ..."
"Oh dear God Celestia," groaned Luna, clapping a hoof to her forehead, "Not another sexual harassment suit..."
"No no, nothing like that." answered Celestia with a nervous giggle. "Quite the opposite in fact! This silly filly is WAY to into her studies. I came onto her SO many times, and it did not even phase her, she's so lost in her books. If I started rubbing her off tomorrow she'd probably just start droning on about obscure equine anatomy. I swear to God, she's some kind of hermit. She seriously needs to get some friends and get laid. But what's most important about her is her brother, the captain of the royal guard."
"Oh ho! So if it's not a student it's your first fallback option: a guardsman!" Luna said.
"No, I actually need her out of Canterlot. So I can set her brother up with Cadence."
"Cadence?" Luna was bemused. "What does Cadence have to do with it?"
"You want to know what Cadence has to do with it? I'll tell you what Cadence has to do with it, EVERYTHING!" Celestia cried.
"What's the matter!?" asked Luna, her eyes wide in surprise at her sister's outburst.
" Oh God, Luna; she's just - she's so FRICKIN' annoying. She. Does. Not. Stop. Talking. Blah blah love heals all blah bleh bloo love can do anything yadda yadda yadda; yammering! With her huge bug eyes and tiny little pointed snout! I - I just can't deal with it anymore! She just needs to get married, get bucked hardcore, and most importantly, get the hay away from me! And I need your help to do so!"
"Okay..." said Luna slowly, "So how does this involve me at all?"
"Easy, my plan is this:" Celestia answered, stretching out her hoofs. "My student, Twilight Sparkle, is WAY too attached to her brother and REALLY possessive of him. She's quite fond of Cadence, but she'll never let him go; even to her. I need her gone and distracted. I'll need her to make some friends to keep her away from Canterlot long enough for me to put the screws on Shining Armour to propose to Cadence. He's the brother. He'll marry her, she'll move away, and finally I can go a day with out her telling me how the power of love can be employed to prevent earthquakes..."
"Mmm Hmm ... I like that plan, it's a good plan, but I still don't see how I fit in."
"I was getting there, give me a moment!" Celestia went on, "This girl is so anti-social, I predict the only way for her to retain any kind of friendship is to be put through some sort of cataclysmic world-ending trial with a couple of other ponies. I figured you could just make an appearance and just terrorize the town a bit until she's good to go with a few other fillies."
"Err, terrorize the town? What?" asked Luna.
"Ohhhh ... right." said Celestia slowly with an anxious smile, putting a slight emphasis on the 't'. "I forgot to tell you... I mayyy have told the entire pony population that the reason why you're here is because you were jealous of me, turned evil, and tried to take over the country; so I banished you to the moon for 1,000 years... eh heh heh..." She finished with a nervous laugh. Luna looked up at her sister with wide eyes and her lips making a small 'o'. A few seconds passed of awkward silent eye contact.
"WHAT THE BUCK? ME JEALOUS OF YOU!? LEADING AN UPRISING!? WHAT THE HAY KIND OF WHORSESHIT IS THIS!?"
"Now, Now, there's no need to use the Royal Canterlot voice on your big sister..."
"Wh - Wh - No need to -" The little sister stammered.
"Listen, I know it's kind of a drag? But you remember how to morph into that royal armour right? I figured since the entire country thinks of you as a villain already, you could just play along for a bit, pretend to get defeated or something, and then fake some sort of rehabilitation and retake your seat on the throne! No biggie!"
"No biggie!? Why I...!" Luna huffed and puffed a few minutes more, stamping her hoofs on the ground and pacing in small circles as she grumbled occasionally to herself. Finally she stopped and scowled angrily up at her sister.
"So you'll help me?"
"I don't see why I should..." Luna answered indignantly. "Nopony ever does anything for me." Celestia frowned and turned away looking defeated. "But fine..." The older sister's face brightened immediately.
"Oh Luna! I knew I could count on you!" She cried, swooping down and catching her sister in a colossal embrace. "I can't wait to get you back home! There's all these new technologies, a few new towns have popped up! You've got so much to learn about trains, and clocks, and video games, and vibrators! We'll get you a nice banana split, take you to the spa, find some sexy colt to spread your legs, show you airships and derbies and dance parties! Oh ho! I can't wait! I'll be SO glad to have you home instead of Cadence!"
Luna, who was struggling to not have her nose broken as Celestia continually wrung her around in the hug, smiled. She embraced her sister as well. She smiled contentedly as the eldest alicorn started going on about some newfangled contraption called a 'strap-on' that was apparently the best thing since canned bread. Being alone was all well and nice, but when it really came down to it, she truly did enjoy company like Celestia's. She missed her so much: her big sister...
