My Random Dream

“Hello, little Birdie. What are you doing in here?” I asked, eyes closed and smiling at the calm wake up call. As the bird tweeted, I took a breath of morning air trying to remember what had happened the night before. I remembered talking to Fluttershy and getting ultimately friend-zoned by her when I was setting her up with Niall. I immediately started regretting it again. I groaned and rolled to the side, and fell. A one foot drop never hurt so much. I moaned in discomfort and cracked open my eyes slightly to see the sunrise. It’s like I’m not looking out a window, I thought, until I realised there wasn’t a window, nor a wall, nor a bed.

Figures I wouldn’t make it to her house, I’d fallen asleep on a bench and was currently on my side on the floor. I wouldn’t have been too self-conscious of my position if I didn’t spot three pairs of eyes staring at me from a bush. At first, I thought it to be Lyra but then I realised that neither does she three pairs of eyes nor purple, green or orange eyes. I also realised that Lyra probably wouldn’t have such high-pitched giggles. Whilst I lay there on the cobble path, I took my turn to eavesdrop.

“Ah told you. He’s new. He ain’t any of the ones that have been hanging out with ma sister’s friends.”

“Yes, we get it. But who is he then? Rarity only said that there were two of them.”

“He looks sad. Maybe we should help him.”

“And get close to him? He might try to attack us.”

“What are ya, Chicken?”

“Don’t answer that. You remember what arguing with Apple Bloom got me.”

“Well ya are a chicken.”

“Am not!”

“Prove it!”

I groaned again, hoping to frighten them off. Instead of running away, one of them came out of the bush, also groaning. Scootaloo. She slowly and cautiously walked over to where I was laying, stopping when she was only centimetres away from my face. She lifted one of her hooves up and prodded me in the chest. I coughed involuntarily and she jumped slightly. I heard snickering from the bush, and a low growl from the filly in front of me. She prodded me once again, pushing me onto my back. She leant in closer, noticing that I was still breathing. She sighed in relief that I was in fact not dead. She hadn’t noticed that I was now staring at the strange actions she was performing on me and it came as a shock when I asked her “May I help you?”

She jumped and fell onto her haunches in fright. I used the pause to sit myself upright and yawn. It must have been contagious as four seconds of deep eye contact later, she also yawned. He chuckled slightly as I realised the similarities between home and Equestria. It always the little things that matter in making me feel safe and secure. She gave me an odd look before turning to look at her friends. From what I could see, it looked as though the fillies in the bush were encouraging her to carry on. She looked back to me and sighed.

“Could…Could you help me up, maybe?” I smiled, looking into her grayish-purple eyes and pouting. She looked at me, slightly confused at what I was doing. I gestured for her to take my hand and pull me up. She rolled her eyes and held out her hoof. I latched on and pulled. I managed to get off the floor, only to pull Scootaloo down when I slipped. Two loud gasps could be heard as she landed with a thud on top of me, her chin hitting my shoulder, cushioning the impact for her. My head, however, received a full blow as it hit the floor. I groaned once again and went dizzy.  I shook my head to relieve it of its pain, only to gain a headache. This wasn’t my day, and it had only just begun. I looked to Scootaloo, checking she was okay. She was rolling about on the floor, giggling. I started to chuckle and sat up. At least, some pony was enjoying this morning. She was rolling about for a few seconds until she stopped and wiped away a tear of joy from the corner of her eye. “Are you done laughing at my misery,” I asked. She looked up from her hysterical stupor and laughed a bit more.

“Well, some pony has to laugh at it.” I rolled my eyes at the comment and pulled myself up onto the bench. I self-righted to a sitting position and smiled. I moaned in agreement as she sat on the bench too. “You sit a lot like one of the other ponies in town. Liar, I think her name was?” I could help but almost fall of the bench at the mistake Scootaloo had made.  She looked at me oddly, clearly ignorant to her mistake. I was almost copying the hysterical laughing and rolling about that Scootaloo had demonstrated only a few seconds ago. She groaned in annoyance as I wouldn’t stop laughing.

“Are you quite done?” I looked up at the confused and slightly agitated filly, who was giving me a nasty glare. I took a few seconds to calm down and got to my feet. I looked down on her, being almost double her height. I began to speak but she ran off, towards her friends after checking I was alright.

“Come out, guys. He’s not that bad.”

“I don’t know, he seems… quirky.”

“Ah have to agree with Sweetie there. Do you even know his name?”

“It’s… I dunno.”

“Beg ya pardon. Ah didn’t quite catch them.”

“I said I dunno. It might be Calvin, it was on his underwear.”

I seemed to have added to Scootaloo’s problems, and she’d not run away, so I could at least repay her with introducing myself. It also meant more than three ponies knew my name.

“I’m Connor. Don’t worry I’m not here to hurt any pony. I’m harmless as long as no pony is being an idiot.”

The fillies all went silent and began to look at each other. They slowly huddled together and conferred with each other, leaving me feeling left out. I overheard a couple of sentences, such as “What does it mean?”, “Is it bad?” and “Go on. Ask him. You’re the dictionary.” Finally, Sweetie Belle broke from the group and faced me to ask something I was definitely not prepared for.

“What’s an idiot?” As innocent as the question was, I couldn’t help but smirk. But I bit my lip when I realised I had to explain it. I was apparently standing there for a while, as Apple Bloom proceeded to prod me and wave her hoof in front of my face. It took me a while but I phased back into my situation.

“Let’s see. Idiots are things that fit either one of a few descriptions. The first being something ignorant and… the opposite of Twilight, I guess.” I looked up to see if it had gotten through. Sweetie and Scootaloo were sitting with blank stares while Apple Bloom was stroking her chin.

“Ya mean stupid, don’t ya?” I nodded and she grinned at her friends. They looked back confused. It was quite humorous, in addition to the dialogue that followed.

“I told you she was the dictionary and not me.”

“You’re both dictionaries. Deal with it.”

“Better a dictionary than a chicken.”

“I’m not a chicken!”

“And Ah’m not a dictionary.”

“Guys, let’s face it. We’re a group of two dictionaries and a chicken.”

I was laughing my head off. I had once called a team that exact phrase, ‘Two dictionaries and a Chicken.’ It wasn’t a bad team as well, although we came second to ‘Steel Wench.’

“Do you laugh all the time or what? You’re worse than Pinkie Pie.” Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes and sighed. I smiled and took a breath, while the flies calmed down.

“Anyway, the second meaning, and the one I was inferring was, some pony who is being mean or inconsiderate intentionally.”

“That makes a lot of sense. Ah don’t like ponies like that either. Ah’ve always wanted to buck Diamond Tiara right in her pretty lil’ face. Ah gotta go tell ma big sis some pony new is in town. She’s always the most getalotiest pony in Ponyville.” Apple Bloom grinned and went to run before Scootaloo stepped in front of her. She sighed, turned and laughed. “Ah was kidding. Ah’m sure you want to meet her ya-self. Wanna come?”

I thought about it for a second before brushing my hand over the letter. I still had to meet some pony for lunch and I had a good feeling I knew who it was. “Look lasses. I’ve got to be going soon. I’m meeting some pony for a date slash meet up slash introduction thing, so if you don’t mind, rain check?”

The fillies looked at each other. “We thought we were the first you’d met. How can you be meeting some pony? And who is it?” Scootaloo had stepped forward to speak and I crouched to get to her level. I sighed and shrugged. “Who arranged the meeting then? Surely you have some clue.”

I did. The letter. I could be one hundred per cent sure but I thought I knew. Focusing on Scootaloo so my mind wouldn’t wander, she spoke quite nervously. “It could be dangerous. I should go with you. I know every pony in town like the back of my hand.”

I looked at her with a condescending look, “Yes, I believe Lyra would agree with me that that’s not exactly right.” She turned, coughing to hide her embarrassment. The little thought I had given the mystery seemed to point to one mare in particular. Brash, annoying, I’d said to Niall I’d liked her. Several ponies fitted each part of the description but only two I knew fitted the description, more one than the other. Brash and annoying were probably her middle names. “I don’t know,” I lied through my teeth “but I have a hunch. A letter written by that some pony. I have a feeling you might recognise it.” I took the letter out my pocket and opened it up. I looked at the state of the handwriting. Rushed, very much like mine. I handed it over to Scootaloo and her eye lit up like fireworks.

“So I’ll take it my hunch was right. It’s from her.” I was pretty smug. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom fought to see the letter and Scootaloo was frozen, apart from her bobbing head. “I think you might as well come with me, it could be dangerous.”

Scootaloo took a while to lift her head to make eye contact and nod again. I chuckled and gesture for us to make our way to a very specific place, ‘near the statue, under the cloud.’

I walked off with Scootaloo following at a trot, leaving the other two fillies in our wake, confused. Scootaloo remained silent apart from the occasional word. After heading towards my destination, Scootaloo pointed out that I was in fact going the wrong way. I let her lead me off. I needed a map or something.

Once we’d arrived I notice that I had in fact gone it complete circle around the place and then went the other way. I noticed a bench and sat down. I noticed that Bon-Bon was watching me when I sat down and she looked confused. When I looked at her, she snapped back to walking away from the statue, muttering something. It wasn’t nothing but I chose to ignore it. I sighed and closed my eyes for a fraction of a second, with Scootaloo curled up next to me. She was cute in this position. I d’awwed a little and gave her some space. I fell off the bench, overestimating the room I had to spare and landed on by butt. I sighed once again and groaned. I got to my feet and noticed Scootaloo had fallen asleep and that the sun had moved vastly from where it was. I’d possibly dozed off on the bench for a few hours and found that a cloud had now drifted over my head. It began to rain.

“Oi! Can you stop that?” I was getting drenched and was now generally annoyed at the Pegasus raining on me. The rain stopped and a head poked out to the side. With drenched hair over my eyes I couldn’t tell who it was, but they were laughing.

“Let me help you.” She swooped down and formed a cyclone around me. A natural blow drier, that blew my hair was out of my eyes, but messed up and curly. I felt like I was having Déjà vu. I saw who it was and found my assumptions proved correct. Looked back to Scootaloo and back to the mare. “Oops I guess I over did it? How about this?”

“No no no no no. Please, no.” I was almost on my knees begging. “No more Rain-blow Dry.”

“Oh, okay... Wait a minute, how did you know it was called a Rain-blow Dry. Did Niall tell you? Are you a spy?”