drunken shenanigans

by MetaKnight145

Rating: mature
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Sex, Profanity, Random, Slice of Life, Narcotics
Length: 1073

drunken shenanigans

Twilight Sparkle and Spike find the key to Princess Celestia's liquor cabinet.

Published 2018-04-20 04:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-20 04:00:06 UTC

Stiggerzz

Shout out to Stiggerzz! <3

Once upon time, there were two faggots named Twilight Sparkle and Spike, they were the kind of boring faggots that read books all the time and organized and reorganized them cause they thought that was what fun was. They were fucking nerds.
One day Spike the cucked dragon servant grew fed up with his lot in life one day as the crippling boredom and full extent of their faggotry bore down on his soul.
"Twilight," He said the haze of mediocrity momentarily leaving his eyes, "I think our lives are fucking boring."
Twilight herself responds with a tossed book directly at his exposed unprotected genitals.
"Shut the fuck up spike, I'm reading a super interesting and informative book called "On the Art of the Cinema" it is by the most amazing figure in history, Kim Jong-il."
Between his screams and gasps of pain as he holds his pained twin dicks and balls he manages to gasp out, "I just meant that if you're the princess of benefits you should know how to have fun."
"What could be more fun than reading a book by dear leader?"
With tears still streaming down his face spike responds, "Maybe we should get drunk." Momentarily disarmed the princess of orgies stands speechless before her slave adds, "Maybe I'll actually get to fuck you too instead of watching as Flash gives it to you up the pooper."
"Not likely, Spike. But I'm still intrigued by your idea. But how will we get drunk, I'm still below 'Questria!'s drinkin age. And you defiantly are too."
Without a moments hesitation the dragon servant responds to the simple question, "Let's steal Celestia's liquor cabinet key!"
Either not able or not willing to refute her dragon's flawless logic and argumentation, despite ponyville's drinking age being dramatically lower than Canterlot's she agrees and the two work through the night hatching a plan worthy of mission impossible to get that legendary key to the devil's water itself.
Almost used 4chan meme arrows, lol. That's not allowed silly. Months and months of planning and paying of diplomats. Of manipulations and subversion. Of skulduggery and mischief. Of prostitution for bits and performance art for the gullible hipsters. All of it leading up to the ultimate plan to obtain Celestia's keys to her liquor cabinet.
Finally the day arrived when their machinations and puppeteering would pay off. As Twilight approached Celestia to begin the preparations Spike the cucked dragon could not help but hold in a deep breath as he eagerly stoked one of his still sore cocks off in anticipation.
With a deep breath of her own Twilight begins it, "Celestia, could I have the key to your liquor cabinet?"
"Of course, Twilight. You're a princess too. Make sure you fly to the castle," with that she tosses the keys to her purple slut of a student.
Catching the tossed keys in her magic Twilight hoof bumps the air. Success. All their hard work has paid off, the keys to the devil's cum juice is just within reach.
With put a teleport the princess of turbo sluts and her indentured servant find themselves beholding the the golden gilded liquor cabinet of the gods themselves. As Spike reachs to undo the lock himself his finds his claw suddenly struck with an amazing pain, greater than that of a book to the dicks.
"Fuck off faggot, this is for princesses only to open. Not some gay cuck of a dragon who doesn't even want to fuck one of his own kind."
Levitating the key to the lock it undoes itself automatically because the author is a lazy fuck who wants to get this over with already so he can piss again.
Boom! All of the amazing and word sapping alcohol two boring dweebs could ever hope to be able to drink are open to their consumption. And consume they did, bottle after bottle, can after can, they downed them all like a suffocating fish downs water.
Soon the two faggots found themselves as drunk as sailor, laughing at stupid shit that isn't even funny even to a retarded stoner.
Currently spike is following around Canterlot guards popping his lips in the most annoying way possible giggling each time one of them makes a frustrated sigh or when one threatens to beat the shit out of him.
Mean while Twilight is on the other side of the room screaming about things that will make this story hit the thousand word mark faster.
Namely screaming out her frustrations at how much of a pain in the ass it is to see what its like to masturbate while drunk constantly starting, much to the enjoyment of Flash and the other guards, but quickly growing bored to return to rants about how time zones are retarded and how she's not drunk because she can still recite her ABC's and walk in a straight line despite all other evidence to the contrary. Much to the annoyance of Flash and the other guards.
Soon, Twilight starts building castles out of bottles and pixie sticks with huge gaping holes in the roofs, which Spike takes every opportunity to mock but always ending his mockery with the understanding that they're unfinished and unfinished things always look like shit. Also, that Twilight is "Da bomb diggity, and shouldn't kill herself because of her failures in construction."
But all good things must come to an end and when Celestia returns to find that her most trusted pupil and her slave dragon had drunk all of her alcohol rather than responsibly consume it like adults as she was expecting, she got pissed.
"Twilight I am supremely disappointed in you, my guards are all drained of cum (oh yeah, Twilight's been fucking them, should have mentioned that butt fuck it, lol) and you've completely emptied my collection. What have you got to say for yourself?"
Sauntering up to the tall white cunt Twilight burps right into her face and farts before she uses her magic to create two human hands to flip her off.Within the next second both she and Spike find themselves on the moon and within the next second after that their heads explode from the vacuum.
The End.

What did I create?
Proof that there is no god.

Author's Note

Blame Stiggerzz for this.
Drunk stories wooo!
"This work is granted to the public domain by the creator."