Princess Farts

by The Dark Wolf

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Fetish, Comedy
Length: 2304

Twilight has been farting a lot since becoming a princess.

Ever since becoming a princess, Twilight Sparkle is twice as gassy as she was before. Concerned that she's not worthy of being a princess, she tells Princess Celestia, who reveals the cause of her gassiness and tells her how to deal with it.

Contains: Farts (obviously).

As with my previous story, I don't think this concept is actually canon, but I do think it's fun to fantasize about all the same. At least for people who either find it funny or have the fetish. Not meant to be taken seriously, to the point that, like the Smelly Rainbow Dash story, I gave it an Alt. Universe tag.

Published 2018-04-24 20:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-24 20:00:06 UTC

Princess Farts

Twilight Sparkle was a princess. Celestia had transformed her into an alicorn. Her wings had taken some time to adjust to but she was an excellent flyer now.

However, there was one problem. Ever since her transformation, Twilight was farting at least twice as much as she used to. Every day.

It hadn't been a problem at her coronation, but when Pinkie Pie threw her own party to celebrate, Twilight accidentally farted very loudly, and for longer than she had ever farted for in her life. She had blushed profusely while Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash laughed. Rarity had looked disgusted, but she didn't say anything, partly because she could see how embarrassed Twilight was, and partly because she didn't want to tell a princess off.

Twilight's gassiness had carried over to her temporary transformation into a human, though she managed to keep her farts silent most of the time.

After giving up the Elements of Harmony, Twilight was at a picnic with her friends, when she suddenly felt that pressure in her bowels that was becoming all too familiar.

"Are you all right, sugarcube?" said Applejack, noticing Twilight's discomfort.

"I'm fine," said Twilight, sweating profusely. "But I should probably stretch my wings and practice flying some more."

As soon as Twilight stood up...

FFFFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTT!

Twilight blushed as another explosive fart made its way out of her rear.

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie laughed.

"Uh, sorry Princess," said Rainbow Dash.

"Did you give me fart powder or something?" said Twilight suspiciously.

"I'd never think of doing that to a princess!"

"I told you I don't want you treating me any differently than before I became a princess. Although I would appreciate it if you didn't pull that kind of prank on me."

"Well, I didn't."

"Neither did I," said Pinkie Pie.

"Really?" said Twilight.

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" Both fart-loving mares said at once.

"Then it must have been Discord!"

"Oh no, he couldn't have done it," said Fluttershy.

"Why couldn't he? He planted those seeds that grew into those vines that kidnapped Celestia and Luna and nearly destroyed Equestria!"

"That was the old Discord. The new Discord would never..."

"Pull a mischievous prank on a princess?" said Rainbow Dash. "That seems like EXACTLY the kind of thing he'd do!"

"One way to find out," said Twilight. She cast her summoning spell, and Discord appeared.

"Oh, what is it this time?" said Discord.

"Have you been casting any strange spells on me lately?" said Twilight.

"Whatever do you mean?"

Twilight closed her eyes and let out another loud fart. She blushed lightly at having just deliberately farted loudly in front of her friends.

Discord fell on his back laughing.

"That is so hilarious! I didn't know you could fart like that!"

"I couldn't until you cast a spell on me!"

"I never thought about using my powers for that before now!" A mischievous grin came on Discord's face, and he turned toward Rarity and snapped his fingers.

Instantly Rarity began letting loose with a flurry of loud farts. Some of them were deep-pitched, and some were wet. Some were short, some were long. She blushed beet red with each one. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie laughed harder.

"Discord!" said Twilight.

"Lighten up, Twilight!" said Discord. "Isn't it funny to see a beautiful, ladylike pony fart so loudly?"

"Make her stop," said Fluttershy assertively.

Discord sighed and snapped his fingers. Rarity stopped farting. She looked relieved, but dreadfully embarrassed.

"There there, sugarcube," said Applejack, doing her best to comfort the unicorn. "Don't feel ashamed. We all fart, and only Discord can be held responsible here. Besides, it doesn't even smell."

"The smell is what makes it seem disgusting," said Discord. "It's funnier without that little part of it."

"Then why do my farts smell as bad as they always have?" said Twilight.

"I told you I didn't do that."

"Are you sure?" said Fluttershy.

"Trust me, I'd be making her fart as much as Rarity did, and it wouldn't smell at all."

"I believe you."

"Then what's going on with me?" said Twilight.

"Honestly, I have no idea," said Discord. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off." He disappeared in a flash of light.

"It can't be as bad as all that," said Pinkie Pie. "All of us fart. Even Rarity, though not nearly as much as under Discord's spell."

"But I've been farting so much more!" said Twilight. "I haven't been eating anything differently. I'm not sure I should even be a princess if I'm so... unladylike."

"I'm sure even Celestia farts sometimes," said Pinkie.

Twilight gasped. "Don't ever let her know you said that! She'll be super-offended! She'll probably throw you in Tartarus if she finds out!"

"I'm sure she wouldn't," said Rainbow Dash. "After that gala, I wouldn't be surprised if she found it funny."

"So what should I do?"

"Why don't you see Zecora?" said Fluttershy.

"Good idea!" Twilight farted again, giggled nervously, and flew into the Everfree Forest.

...

"...and I'm not sure what could have caused it," Twilight finished, sitting in front of Zecora and trying hard not to fart.

Zecora pondered for a moment. "The cause of this is quite unclear. But there may not be anything to fear."

"Does that mean you have a cure?"

"Persistent gassiness can come from undercooked hay fries. But if you drink this potion, your gassiness dies." She pulled a potion off her shelf.

"But every time I've eaten hay fries lately, they were well done. I've been farting this much every day since becoming a princess!"

"In that case, I have no cure. For what is wrong with you, I am not sure."

Twilight lowered her head in disappointment, farting loudly again.

...

"Dear Princess Celestia. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I've been farting a lot lately. That's so unprincesslike, and I'm not sure if I should be a princess. I didn't expect to stop farting entirely... well, maybe a little bit... but I'm farting WAY too much to be a princess. If you have any idea what's wrong with me, can you please tell me how to fix it? Signed, Twilight Sparkle."

"Don't you think you're being a little too dramatic?" said Spike. "I've heard you fart just as loud before. Maybe you're only noticing it more because you're a princess."

"No, I know for a fact that I've never farted this much in one day, not even that time when I ate those undercooked hay fries last year, and then I was back to normal the next day! Maybe it's a sign I shouldn't be a princess. Send the letter, now!"

Spike rolled his eyes and sent the letter to Celestia. Under a minute later, he belched out a letter, which Twilight read instantly.

"'Dear Princess Twilight. Do not be alarmed. I will come over and explain everything in person.'"

Twilight started to pace around the room.

"Is she really coming to take away my wings?" She took a deep breath. "It's probably for the best. I'm a pathetic excuse for a princess!"

"She said don't be alarmed," said Spike. "It'll be fine."

Twilight waited nervously, farting without shame in front of Spike, who laughed, finding her farts as hilarious as Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie did. Soon, Celestia arrived.

"Good afternoon, Princess Twilight," said Celestia.

"I don't know if I should be called that anymore," said Twilight.

"Don't feel ashamed, Princess. It's perfectly natural to fart. Even I do it."

"Really?" She was starting to feel foolish for chastising Pinkie. "But... certainly not this much!"

"I probably should have warned you." Celestia giggled a bit. "Alicorns are much gassier than other ponies. Although, I think Luna and I fart more than you and Cadence. It must be because we're pure-blooded alicorns."

"Really?" Twilight was shocked, but it made her feel a little better. "Then... how come I've never heard any of you fart?"

"Although we fart more, we're also better at holding it in for extended periods of time."

"But I couldn't hold it," said Twilight. "It came out accidentally." She farted again, and blushed. "I'm so sorry, Princess!" she cried, forgetting what Celestia had just said.

Celestia giggled, lifted her leg, and let out a fart that exceeded Twilight's in length and volume. "It's quite all right, Twilight. I think the reason you couldn't hold it was because you were nervous about it. Relax, don't worry so much, and if you have to, fart silently. I've done it on more occasions than I can count, but I was usually able to hold it in. Except once, about 600 years ago." She chuckled a bit. "It was pretty funny, the ponies didn't know how to react. I told them don't worry about it, and to get back to the party."

"How can I relax about farting more?"

"Maybe we can have a little fun with it. You're still gassy right now, aren't you?"

Twilight nodded.

"How about a farting contest? If you can have fun with it, then you'll feel less ashamed of it."

"But if you're really as gassy as you say, even I don't have a chance against you! Um, no offense."

"Then, you will be able to take comfort in the fact that you fart less than I do."

"You do have a point."

"So... who should start?"

"I'll go first!" Celestia said a little too excitedly. She raised her behind in the air and farted loudly for five seconds. Spike started to laugh.

Twilight also raised her butt in the air.

FFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRT!

"Six seconds, not bad," said Celestia.

PPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRT!

Celestia let out a higher-pitched fart that seemed to go on for as long as Twilight's.

Twilight timed it, and once it was over, she said "Seven seconds." Then she turned toward Celestia and raised her rear end in the air, but stopped. "Is this all right, or do you want me facing away from you?"

"I don't mind," said Celestia. "If I may say so, you do have a cute butt."

Twilight blushed a little. "Get ready, this feels like a big one."

PPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRT!

This fart was as long as Celestia's, and as loud, but was wetter.

"Nice one, Twilight," said Celestia, slapping Twilight's butt playfully.

Twilight giggled. She was having fun with this.

"All right, my warmup is over!" Celestia turned around. "You don't mind either, do you?"

"Not at all!" said Twilight. "Is it all right if I say I like your butt too?"

Celestia slapped her own rear in response with a smile on her face, and raised it in the air.

Ponies didn't really feel sexually attracted to each other's butts, but often they did like the way they looked, or the feel of them.

BBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!

A deep-pitched fart erupted out of the white alicorn's butt. Twilight nearly lost count of how long it was, because she was still shocked that Celestia could fart like that. Or that anyone besides Rainbow Dash could fart that long, and that was when Rainbow Dash overdosed on Pinkie's fart powder to try to break her records.

"14 seconds? Wow. I don't think I can beat that!"

"You can try." Celestia winked. "And if you can't, you'll know one princess is gassier than you, and you won't have to feel 'unprincesslike' anymore."

"Maybe I'll wait for a minute and give it time to build up."

"If you want. It will be good practice in holding it, too. Can I take my next turns while you're waiting?"

"Of course!"

Celestia let out more booming, lengthy farts while Twilight waited and held it in. Twilight noticed she was having an easier time holding it now. She still felt ridiculously gassy, but not feeling nervous about it anymore was really helping her hold it, like it wasn't about to accidentally slip out.

After a half hour, Celestia was still farting, and Twilight still hadn't farted since Celestia's 14-second fart. By now Celestia had set a record for the contest at 22 seconds. Twilight was sure there was no way she could beat that.

"How are you holding up?" Celestia asked Twilight.

"Really good," said Twilight. "I feel like I could hold this all day now!"

"You won't be able to hold it indefinitely," said Celestia. "But, usually I can hold it for hours. If you feel you've mastered the ability to hold it like I can, then you can let loose whenever you're ready."

"All right, here it comes!" Twilight raised her butt in the air again.

PPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

Spike laughed even harder at the explosive wet fart that blasted out of the pretty purple princess's posterior. Twilight giggled once it was done. She was having a lot of fun with this, even though she was sure Celestia was still ahead.

"15 seconds," said Celestia. "You're getting there."

"That was the longest fart of my entire life," said Twilight. "I don't think I'll ever be able to fart for 22 seconds."

"You will once you've held it for hours. After an event that keeps me from farting silently, once I'm alone sometimes I fart for over a minute."

"Over a minute!?"

"You'll get used to it. And it's pretty fun. Doesn't the relief feel nice?"

"I have to admit, it does."

They paused.

"I'm not gassy anymore," said Twilight.

"Neither am I," said Celestia. "It comes and goes. But it will come at least once a day, for at least a few hours. Don't feel ashamed of it, and hold it in if you feel you have to. If all else fails, remember how much fun our farting contest was."

"Right." Twilight was feeling much more confident now. But, she'd still avoid farting in front of anyone besides Celestia, Shining Armor, and Spike.