Me and My Siren

Chapters

As it happens, Adagio likes apples
Science and Magic
Let's Shopping!
Teenage Hanky Panky
Siren Schemes and Losing Teams
Still Life in a Sushi Bar
Pets and Reconciliation
Granny Smith was a God Damn Sexual Tyrannosaurus in her day

As it happens, Adagio likes apples

Seven Rainbooms made for a convenient seating arrangement at lunch. Three friends to each side of a table and one at its head, with the far end left over for special occasions. Sometimes it would hold a guest or lecturing teacher, but more often it would be the place for one friend to stand and address the gathering. The “Speech Spot,” as Pinkie dubbed it. Always the end facing towards the cafeteria doors.

Today, Applejack claimed the Speech Spot. She stood facing the others, already beet-red and twisting her stetson into unnatural shapes. The blush only deepened as side-conversations faltered and the Rainbooms gave her their full attention.

After a few false starts, the freckled farmer managed to produce the most needless sentence known to man. “I’ve got something to say.”

“Go ahead, Applejack.” Sunset gave a kindly smile from her seat at the other end.

Applejack managed to keep talking, but made no further progress in telling. “It’s real weird. And some of y’all might not like it, but I’m hoping it’s nothing we can’t get through as pals. And I’m really hoping y’all won’t think less of me.”

Rainbow snorted. “Dude, we already know you’re gay.”

Sunset gave a gentle chuckle. “Yeah. Pinkie threw a ‘We love AJ even though she’s gay,’ party.”

Pinkie smiled weakly, chirping in with the needed follow-up. “And then a ‘Sorry for being accidentally insensitive with that ‘even though’ thing, I grew up Amish’ party.”

“Well–” Applejack tried, too softly to matter.

“And then a ‘We love AJ do-over’ party,” Twilight added. “I ate a lot of cake that week.”

“Right, so we got the message.” Rainbow took a gulping swig of her grape soda and belched out loud. “Hooray, friendship.”

“Do you need another pep talk?” Sunset asked. “We could do another pep talk. Applejack, I don’t care what any politician or family member has to say, we have your back no matter what.”

Applejack found her volume and cut in. “It ain’t about that! It’s more... complicated?”

The questioning tone came as she watched their expressions change. The Rainbooms’ faces morphed to guarded frowns, and their eyes moved behind her where stiletto heels tapped forwards.

“Maybe save it for later,” Sunset muttered, before fixing a smile on her face. “Adagio Dazzle! Hello.”

Applejack turned to find the former siren just shy of what could be considered Applejack’s personal space. Adagio’s yellow lips quirked upwards into a knowing smirk, with one thrust hip and one raised eyebrow completing the pose.

She spoke, having eavesdropped the whole conversation. “Complicated? I feel insulted.”

Fresh blood poured into Applejack’s blush at the phone-sex murmur Adagio called a voice. The farm girl stretched and squished her hat with each syllable of her response. “I don’t mean nothing bad, just trying to be delicate.”

“Leave her alone,” Rainbow snapped, half rising from her seat and glaring at the newcomer.

Pinkie copied the gesture. “Yeah! Pick on someone your own size.”

Adagio’s smirking eyes blinked at that. A head shorter and doubtless wimpier than the lanky farmer, she turned the gaze to Pinkie. “I’m smaller than her. Unless you mean bust and booty, because dear Applejack here is built like a boy.”

“That’s enough,” Sunset huffed.

“What?” Adagio laughed. “I like that in a girl!”

“Get lost,” Fluttershy growled with uncharacteristic venom.

Twilight adjusted her glasses and raised a finger. “I’m missing something. Who is this, again?”

“We’ll tell you later,” Sunset said. “For now, Adagio, why don’t you go back to your table? I think I hear Sonata calling.”

On cue, a cry went up from across the cafeteria. “ADAGIO! MY STRAW BENT SO NOW I CAN’T PIERCE MY JUICE BOX AND I’M THIRSTY!”

“GIVE ME A MINUTE!” Adagio shouted back.

To the others’ surprise, Applejack reached a hand to Adagio’s shoulder and steered her gently towards the table. “She can stay, y’all. Fact of the matter is, she’s the one I’m trying to tell you about.”

“Yep.” Adagio grinned and reached around Applejack, bringing their sides together. The grin widened along with Sunset’s eyes, then vanished as the do-gooder’s face morphed to a look of horror.

“Don’t tell me,” Sunset said, then trailed off.

Applejack scratched the back of her head, chuckling bashfully. “It’s what you think, sugar.”

The look of horror did not change. Sunset purposefully set down her fork and folded her hands, staring very seriously to her friend. “Applejack, is she blackmailing you?”

Both Applejack and Adagio froze at that, unfortunately yielding the conversation to more excitable minds. Rarity had not set down her fork, and so snapped the plastic tool with her thumb. “Ha! You overplayed, Miss Dazzle, for there’s not a thing you can tell us about Applejack that will harm our friendship. I won’t have you hold it over her, so speak away and be done with it.”

“Er,” Applejack fumbled. “Hold on...”

“But what if it’s a crime?” Pinkie’s nervous squeak drew their attention. “What if Adagio has some kind of video she’ll give the police if Applejack doesn’t do what she says?”

“I can doctor a time-stamp on a different video.” Twilight said, leaning in seriously. “The police won’t know which one’s real, so there won’t be proof.”

Rainbow grinned savagely. “We can wreck any other evidence easily. Whatever you need, AJ.”

Applejack gave a pained smile. “Thanks, but–”

“I mean it: anything,” Rainbow went on. “‘Yeah, I totally saw you Wednesday,’ or ‘No, it couldn’t have been her, we had a sleepover that night.’”

“And if we can’t defend Applejack, we can always take out Adagio instead.”

Silence fell, and seven sets of eyes found the last speaker. Fluttershy ignored the attention, locking a cold glare on the siren.

Adagio gave a laugh probably meant to sound evil, but it turned to a whining sputter halfway through. “You’d bury the body?”

“I’d buy the shovel.”

“Well good news, there ain’t no need for that!” Applejack reclaimed the conversation with volume, her pained grin lost to frustration. “Adagio ain’t blackmailing me, and that’s final.”

“Do you owe her money?” Sunset asked, still in deathly earnest. “We can help you pay it off.”

“I don’t owe her nothing,” Applejack growled.

Adagio murmured to the side, her coy smirk returning. “I don’t know, I think you owe me a massage and some major kissyface for putting up with this.”

“It’s your own fault, but we’ll work on that later,” Applejack muttered back.

“Can I take the lead?” Adagio asked. “I think I can put it delicately for them.”

“Floor’s yours,” Applejack said.

“ANYWAY!” Adagio loudly clapped her hands, painting on a sunny grin for the crowd. “No, Applejack and I do not have a problem. In fact, we have the opposite. A good thing.”

“My favorite thing!” Pinkie cheered.

“What do you have?” Sunset asked guardedly.

“Remember: delicate,” Applejack whispered. “You know they don’t like you, I don’t know what they’ll think of–”

She got no further. A yellow hand steered the farm girl to stand chest-to-chest with Adagio. Making sure to press nice and firmly against Applejack, Adagio leaned up and planted a hard, long kiss into her mouth.

“Into” being the right word. With a long, moist sucking noise Adagio drew out as long as she could before capping it off with a loud, “Mwa!”

The protest was gone. Applejack grinned stupidly, scratching at her freckles. Adagio stood on tip-toes to bump foreheads with her, and murmured, “Cleanup’s on you. See you after class, mkay?”

“Leave me with the work,” Applejack chuckled, nuzzling against Adagio’s face.

“Or you could handle Sonata.”

“Pass. Good luck, girlfriend.” They gave a second, faster kiss and parted ways. Adagio went back to her table one hip at a time, shaking her generous bottom for all it was worth.

Applejack watched with a dreamy sigh before turning back to her table. Six sets of eyes stared, and she gave a bashful laugh. “That’s about it. Any questions?”

The lunch bell rang as the last word left her mouth, providing the needed out. Applejack slapped the hat onto her head and strode quickly towards the door. “Nope? Cool. Later, girls!”

Author's Note

I sort of miss the plotless slice-of-life shipfics from my early fandom years. "Rustic and the Romantic" comes to mind. Here's my own. Sail it with me. :ajsmug:

Science and Magic

End of the day. A quiet one, all told. Sonata had no meltdowns besides the juice box, and Aria kept her all-around bitchiness to a low burn. The Rainbooms were self-righteous and annoying, sure, but what else was new? And as for Applejack…

Adagio paused, eyeing the inside of her locker door a moment. A picture of Applejack was taped there – nothing special or sexy, just her smiling to the camera while perched on a white fence. Adagio already had two dozen selfies with the girl and counting, but for some reason Applejack wanted her to have this one. Something about real photographs feeling more precious than digital ones, or whatever.

Adagio didn’t understand. But that didn’t stop her from seeing the benefits. It was nice to have Applejack there, grinning welcomingly from the Polaroid film. At the start of every God-awful early morning, and the end of every day.

Applejack, and all fifteen of her freckles. Adagio counted.

Sighing happily and mentally chiding herself for such sap, Adagio took one last glance and closed her locker.

The move revealed Twilight Sparkle, glowering silently from the other side

Adagio managed to turn her startled yelp into a laugh halfway through. Her expression stone, Twilight adjusted her glasses and held up a small notebook. “Hi. We’ve never officially met, though I understand you had some dealings with my ‘pony self.’ This puts me at a disadvantage, so in light of recent events I took the liberty of conducting preliminary research on you.”

“Stalking me?” Adagio put on a fearless grin.

“That wouldn’t fall under ‘preliminary,’” Twilight corrected. She flipped open the book with a practiced thumb and began glancing between her notes and the siren. “Specifically, I polled my friends and quizzed their opinion of your dating Applejack. Would you like to know the results?”

“No, but you’re going to tell me anyway.”

“Correct,” Twilight said. “First off, I came to learn of many circumstantial events that took place after the event ten months ago, wherein you and your cohorts almost destroyed the school.”

Adagio’s grin took a crueler twist. “So that would put it at… six months since you almost destroyed the school? Sound about right?”

Twilight pushed up her glasses, allowing a second of cold silence to form her concession. “Correct again. I am told that during that time my friends made multiple attempts to befriend you, and all were rebuffed. Rainbow brought you to a soccer game and you spent the whole time booing her and cheering the other team.”

“She dragged me to that,” Adagio said. “You can’t blame me for having a little fun. Soccer is boring.”

Twilight shrugged, another silent concession. “Perhaps, but later situations are less ambiguous. You splashed water on Rarity’s makeup.”

“Easily fixable.”

“At the prom,” Twilight added.

Adagio rested against the locker, her agile mind rising to the duel. “She didn’t have a dance. Now she can blame me. Really, I did her a favor.”

“Then you kicked a kitten in front of Fluttershy.”

“Good times!” Adagio cheered. “Did she tell you what happened afterwards?”

Still stone-faced, Twilight nodded. “She told you to apologize to the kitten.”

“And?”

“You apologized.”

“And?” Adagio leaned forward, one tooth poking fang-like over her smile.

“Then you kicked it again,” Twilight said with a low sigh. “Then there’s tripping Sunset in the lunchroom, telling Pinkie it’s Miss Harshwhinny’s birthday and that she loves fireworks… the list goes on. I didn’t ask Applejack, but all the others heard you backbiting her in the past for being a loser, a redneck, a dumb hick, etcetera.”

Now it was Adagio’s turn to glower. Her gaze moved away, and a quiet chuckle escaped. “Yeah, but that’s before I realized...”

She caught herself. The smirk returned, and fortunately Twilight didn’t notice. The purple nerd flipped a notebook page and went on. “What’s more, omitting myself and Applejack, a full one-hundred percent of my friends expressed suspicion of your intentions in dating her. Given your history and this popular mandate, it seems appropriate for me to take action to address the concerns.”

A louder, meaner chuckle came out as Adagio leaned over her foe. Applejack was another matter, but Adagio felt more than up to handling the shrimpy geek if she was foolish enough to pick a fight. “‘Appropriate action,’ huh? Bring it.”

“Gladly.”

With the word, Twilight held up a small, handled machine that looked like a box with a closed door. A button press flipped open the door, blinding Adagio with a burst of light from within, followed by darkness.

In Twilight’s laboratory, perched on a half-complete engine of unholy mad science, Sunset Shimmer slurped with obnoxious volume at her depleted soda bottle. She wasn’t trying to be rude or anything – good graces had simply fled as the absurd situation made itself known.

“Come on, it’s not so bad.” Twilight at least had the decency to look embarrassed. “Look! I reconstituted her molecules and there she is. No harm done.”

Their third – “Subject Adagio” as Twilight called her – had a different opinion. “I BARFED FOR THREE MINUTES STRAIGHT!”

“I did not intend that,” Twilight said sternly, her expression growing hard as she turned to the underwear-clad prisoner. Adagio was bound spread-eagle, with a bizarre looking helmet positioned just above her head. “So I cannot be blamed. Science does not always work perfectly when old boundaries are being pushed.”

“Uh-huh.” Sunset pulled away the bottle, licked blue lips – she loved the blue soda – and gestured generally towards Adagio and the ominous, beeping contraptions around her. “So… what’s all this?”

Twilight folded her arms. “A mind-scanner. With this, I can find out what she really thinks about Applejack.”

Sunset set down her pop, resigned to the fact that this was One of Those Days. “Twilight, I have moral concerns with this.”

“WELL I HAVE PRACTICAL CONCERNS!” Adagio roared from her chains. “And why am I in my underwear?”

“I’m not sure I understand the question,” Twilight said.

Sunset raised two fingers. “Aright, couple things: one, we can’t just kidnap someone who might or might not be scheming against our friend. And two… if this was your plan, why didn’t you get me? I can read her mind with a touch, you know.”

Twilight stared blankly.

“Crystal magic?” Sunset offered with a weak grin. “Those things we got at Everfree?”

Twilight blinked.

Then shuffled, and looked down. “I forgot.”

Adagio rolled her eyes. “Shoot me now.”

“That can be arranged,” Twilight snapped.

“Moving on!” Sunset declared. She walked to the captive, offering a strained smile. “How about it, Adagio? Let me read your thoughts on Applejack.”

“You need my permission?” Adagio grumbled.

Sunset shook her head. “No, but I want it. If the answer’s no, that’s okay. I’ll even stop Twilight from science-ing your memories and probably giving you a love of hazelnuts or something as a side effect. Just know that we’ll keep being suspicious of you, and given everything that’s happened, it’s pretty justified. I really hope you’ll let us check and make things easier on everyone.”

“Where do you have to touch me?”

“Anywhere’s fine,” Sunset said. “We’ll go with hand.”

Adagio sniffed from her prone position. “Boring. But fine, whatever. Get it over with.”

Sunset nodded. She reached over, eyes closed, and held Adagio’s hand.

A few seconds of silence passed, and she gave a groaning sigh.

“What?” Twilight asked.

Sunset shook her head. “She’s thinking about me getting eaten by a shark.”

Adagio began laughing out loud.

“Now she’s thinking about me having sex with a bear.” Sunset withdrew her hand. “Look, if you’re not going to take this seriously...”

“Sorry, sorry!” Adagio managed through her laughs. “Try again. I’ll show you what you want to see.”

With a few inaudible grumbles, Sunset reconnected their fingers. A few more seconds, and her scowl deepened, though a red blush tinged her cheeks.

Adagio chuckled. “I’m nice, aren’t I? A television viewing of Sunset finally getting a saucy evening with Principal C–”

“Applejack!” Twilight said loudly.

The bid worked. Startled by the word, Adagio’s mind followed it down the path of least resistance. Moments flashed across her mind’s eye, witnessed by Sunset.

A fight with Aria about the rent, suddenly a problem without the ability to hypnotize. Applejack overheard, and offered to put them up in her house. The sirens tipped her hat over her eyes and walked away, sneering.

A rainy day, destroying Adagio’s precious curls. An offered brush with blonde hairs mixed in, along with a towel that smelled like horse. Adagio dropped the towel disdainfully, but not before wiping herself down.

A forgotten lunch. The other sirens refused to share, of course, and they spent the first half of the day arguing. Then as lunchtime came, Adagio found a paper bag taped to her locker with a ham sandwich and two massive apples inside.

Another fight with Aria and Sonata. A chance encounter in the hall. An awkward chat.

A blonde waterfall of hair. Huge, beautiful emerald eyes. A slim, toned body. A friendly smile, so easy to tease.

Adorable freckles. Fifteen on her face. Twenty-two on her–

Sunset spoke, lifting her hand. “You can’t possibly know how many freckles Applejack has on her breasts.”

“How many does she think?” Twilight asked.

“Twenty-two.”

“She’s right.”

At the other two’s shocked looks, Twilight gave a shrug. “I’m hyper-aware, and we’ve seen each other naked. Don’t make this weird.”

“Anyway, I think we’re done.” Sunset unscrewed the latches around Adagio’s arms, giving what she hoped was a peaceful smile. “It… checks out. I doubt this will go well, but at least she’s not actively malicious.”

“Wow. Big vote of confidence, there.” Adagio muttered, rubbing her wrists as they came unbound.

“It wasn’t meant to be,” Sunset said. “Applejack is nice, honest, friendly, generous, and moral. Literally everything you’re not. But I’ll talk to the others and make sure we don’t come between you.”

She chuckled a little, clicking open the last lock around Adagio’s legs. “And who knows? This might be the opening we need to find some middle ground.”

Adagio sat up from the machine, and gave her a strange look at that last line. Slowly, she reached over and took Sunset’s hand. White briefly flashed from Sunset’s eyes as their minds merged, before Sunset scrunched her eyes closed and jerked away. “Oh. Ew. Uncalled for. Message received, just get out.”

“I’ll lead you past the guard robots,” Twilight offered. “And, uh… sorry about the puking. I’ll work on it.”

Adagio gave what passed for a companionable smile from her, moving to catch up as the other two began to leave. “Eh, I need to lose weight anyway. Just do me a favor and use Sonata the next time you want to test that thing. Offer her candy and she’ll even volunteer.”

Author's Note

It seems this chapter wasn't a winner... random humor sometimes doesn't click. If this was a turn-off, I'd ask you to give me the benefit of the doubt and read the next few chapters for the less-absurd, less-aggressive humor that will characterize this fic more than this chapter. :applejackconfused:

Let's Shopping!

Applejack strode into the bustling mall a good three steps ahead of her companions. “Let me say, girls, it’s a darn nice thing to see you getting along.”

A glance back showed her escorts beaming at her. Rarity raised a white wrist to her face, chucking. “Thank you, although you should not read too much into it.”

Their third – a curly-haired yellow siren – matched the gesture, smiling with closed eyes. “This is an alliance of convenience. While it may serve a basis for later friendship, today we simply share a mutual objective.”

“Hanging out at the mall, having a good time?” Applejack tried. Her own smile grew more nervous. It was always a bad sign when Rarity became haughtily amused – evidence she had some new project to obsess over. Seeing Adagio mimic her was something new, and it couldn’t be good.

“Darling, no!” Rarity scoffed, and Applejack did not like how the pair approached. They split up, then came together to flank her tightly on each end. “We ended up as partners during science class and got to chatting about how desperately in need of new clothes you are.”

Adagio nodded. While not a true fashionista like Rarity, she was certainly a fashion consumer. “Girlfriend, everything in your closet predates the internet. You have no heels, no leggings, no semi-formal dresses. Half your shirts have deodorant stains, all your white undershirts have turned light brown, and your underwear of choice is boxers.”

Rarity matched the nod, her smile becoming grim. “Grabbing the essentials will be easy. And utterly necessary because really, Applejack. While your work ethic is attractive, Adagio has assured me its effects on your undergarments are not.”

“Underwear. Easy.” Applejack kept pace. “And after that, maybe we hit the arcade?”

“If we have time,” Adagio said. “We don’t have the funds to completely fix your wardrobe, but Rarity and I agreed to get you one unquestionably high-fashion thing while we’re here. Swimsuit. Shoes. leggings. Something to put in your dresser to finally say, ‘yes, this belongs to a girl.’”

“Thanks, but no thanks. You guys know I’m not much for all that.” Applejack gave a light chuckle. She tried to raise a hand to scratch her face, but something arrested it.

The other two had stopped. Each with one arm locked around hers, effectively imprisoning her between them. Both with winning, beautiful smiles.

“Darling,” Rarity said again, and Adagio finished.

“We’re not giving you a choice.”

By sheer coincidence, of course, the first shop Adagio picked out was a swimsuit store. Also a subject of absolute chance was the particular style she had Applejack try on: a Toity-brand two-piece that may be the reason the esteemed fashion mogul was on his second marriage.

Applejack’s wary voice emerged from the dressing room, reaching her chaperons outside. “Where’s the rest of it? Girls, this is a little...”

“Ah-ah!” Rarity called over her. “Come on out, and let the professionals give judgment.”

Trapped, Applejack complied. Rarity’s smile weakened at the sight – yes, the swimsuit’s gold color was an excellent choice, blending seductively into Applejack’s skin. But the straps on its bottom hung far too low on her hips, necessitated by the tissue-sized covering between. She couldn’t see much of the swimsuit’s top, but the guarding position of Applejack’s arms meant it was hardly child-friendly.

“A bit… too revealing, yes,” Rarity acknowledged.

“It’s perfect.”

Adagio’s words brought Rarity’s gaze over to her. The yellow siren’s irises had swallowed their eyes, leaving magenta orbs fixed upon Applejack with a slack mouth beneath.

Rolling her eyes, Rarity reached over and bopped her with a rolled-up magazine. “Go change, Applejack.”

The next stop was at Sassy’s Saddles and Shoes. They were there for the shoes, and Applejack thanked her lucky stars she was able to steer Adagio to this store while Rarity took a call. Footwear would be no problem at all, or so she told herself. The poor fool.

The first attempted step with the black, fashionable shoes sent Applejack tumbling to the ground, taking an entire display stand on her way.

Rarity ran into the store, and upon seeing the situation, sent a scathing glare at Adagio. “Four-inch heels, for Applejack? Really?”

“Thank you,” The dizzy Applejack managed. “I saw some loafers back over–”

“If we’re doing this, we’re doing this right!” Rarity continued angrily. “We will not dress my friend in last year’s fashion. six-inch heels are all the rage now. Come along, darlings, I saw some in the other aisle.”

Prim Hemline’s Fashion Emporium. Three full levels of every overpriced scrap of cloth under the sun, so of course the first thing Rarity lead them to was the gosh darn corsets.

Rarity’s words emerged as a shrill breath, with her and Adagio tugging with all their might on the strings behind their victim. “Trust me, Applejack! This will *huff* all be worth it.”

“Corsets are the sexiest thing ever,” Adagio ground out as she strained against her end of the bindings.

“Asphyxiation ain’t sexy!” Applejack gave a piteous gasp, lacking the breathing space to do anything else as the strings forced her flat body into an hourglass. Or at least, made a violent attempt at it.

Rarity grunted her support, now with a foot up on Applejack’s back to help her pull. “They are ‘in!’”

“In what?” Applejack managed with ever-shrinking volume. “My lungs?”

“Perfect!” Rarity and Adagio shouted at once. They tied their lines together, spun, whooped and high-fived, and then Applejack fell to the ground.

On the way out, something happened. A flash of deep, denim blue caught Applejack’s eye through a rack of blouses. She sped over, followed by two fashion-conscious friends anxious for success after the day they had.

“This looks… yee-haw, I was right! Check out this beauty.” Applejack talked excitedly as she approached, then reached her mark. She whirled with a grin, presenting the other two with a pressed pair of

“Overalls.”

Rarity said the word with a horrified, wide-eyed gaze.

“In a Hemline store,” Adagio muttered. She glanced around. “I have to reappraise my opinion of this brand.”

“Me too,” Applejack managed around her grin as she felt the piece over. “This is good and thick denim, better than the usual. Makes it a lot easier to work around barbed wire and rusty tools. The chest part’s got pockets, which is real nice when I’m on the ladder and want nails or something without trying to get at my hips.”

Rarity gave a deadpan glare at the shapeless suspender-pants in Applejack’s arms. “Do tell.”

Applejack ran one of the suspenders over her shoulder and nodded, never breaking stride. “Little padding under the straps, too. Means they won’t chafe. And the color’s exactly what you want in a good pair of overalls. Dark blue, but a little mottled so grime and stains won’t show up. Heck, barring any disasters, I could wear this thing til I’m sixty.”

Adagio folded her arms. “Joy.”

Finally, the farmer turned her gaze to the others. “Whad’ya think? Reckon something that keeps good that long is fashionable enough for us. Let’s ring ‘er up, and head to the arcade.”

Both girls narrowed their eyes. Rarity raised her right finger while Adagio raised her left, mouths opening as they moved to redress their friend from her horrid mistake.

But then they looked.

Applejack’s wide, green eyes gazed at them with joy above their homely freckles. Her teeth gleamed, grinning in cheer which had deserted her until now. The simple, honest happiness of a girl who not only found what she wanted, but anticipated approval from the friends she cared so much for.

Slowly, Adagio and Rarity lowered their hands. They gave a quiet sigh, traded a defeated glance, and beamed at Applejack.

“It’s… perfect,” Adagio said, unable to hide the wince in her voice. But seeing Applejack’s smile grow made it all worthwhile. “It suits you, too.”

Rarity clapped her hands, her painted smile turning to a tired, but genuine one. “Quite so. Now for the arcade… actually, let’s stop at the food court first. I think we all deserve a little ice cream after that.”

Author's Note

I mean, this whole thing is going to be spur-of-the-moment episodic writing, so if someone has an idea for a short story or gag they'd like to see between the unlikely couple, feel free to shoot me a note.

Teenage Hanky Panky

Author's Note

This chapter has a "Sex" tag for PG-13 trysting.

Teenage Hanky Panky

No mounds of laundry, blaring music, or crusty dishes piled indefinitely “to soak.” No sticky residues on the light switches. Food available besides microwave instants and ice cream.

Applejack’s house was heaven.

More than usual tonight, for every star had aligned in Adagio’s favor. The annoying sister was out with her friends, and the other two housemates were on an overnight delivery. And contrary to every redneck stereotype in the world, Granny Smith told Adagio the O-word with enough obvious winks to make her approval clear.

Not that anything scandalous would occur. Barring the whole Band Battle thing, the largest hump between Adagio and Applejack was their (let us say) “sexual adventurousness.” Adagio’s predatory education taught her to take whatever she wanted, and conversion to humanity brought no desire to deny what felt good. Meanwhile, Applejack had lived in self-denial for years – sleepovers and beach trips with six straight hotties she never found the courage to approach. Doubtless abetting the trait were inevitable branches of her family tree who would shame her deviance. An obnoxious quirk of humanity.

After a few awkward talks and a night where Adagio almost pushed too far, they settled on a happy medium. Adagio would flirt, tease, and seduce to her wicked heart’s content, and AJ would yield whatever ground she liked. Always letting Adagio get a little closer, a little more intimate than the time before. Still too slow for the siren’s tastes, but the game itself was fun. Like now – alone, full from a delicious supper (which AJ cooked and did the dishes for), they cuddled on the sofa. Nothing too crazy, just sweet togetherness with one arm around each other’s back. Nice. Peaceful.

Adagio wanted more.

“What do you like most about me?”

Applejack looked over to find her girlfriend smiling lazily – either a predator with a baited trap, or a cat demanding affection.

“Your personality,” Applejack said.

That drew a pout. “No, like what part of me do you find really sexy? Also, pet me.”

She drew her legs up to lie down on the couch, depositing her head into Applejack’s lap.

Definitely a cat. Applejack dutifully began stroking the demanding, claw-armed creature she let into her life.

“Girl, you got the sexiest personality I know.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re a lovely person who feels she should answer in a way that isn’t shallow. I get it. But I want shallow. Tell me I’m beautiful. Tell me exactly what makes me beautiful, and feed me one of those gum drops.”

One hand kept petting Adagio’s head while the other pulled an offering from the candy bowl.

“No, give me a green one.”

Applejack popped the refused gum drop into her mouth, then one of the correct color into Adagio’s. The siren purred as she chewed it down, but would not be distracted. “Well?”

Applejack scratched a cheek with her free hand. “Your eyes.”

“Not making me feel good about my body, AJ.”

“Everything about you?”

The purring took a dangerous edge as Adagio shuffled, fixing magenta eyes upwards to her host. “Better, now be specific. What gets you going? What puts that lovely, doofy grin on your face when we’re together?”

Applejack smirked with one side of her mouth. “I don’t know… cuddle me and I’ll remember.”

Rare as it was for Applejack to seek contact, Adagio needed no second bid. She rolled and rose, forsaking her lounge to straddle AJ’s bony leg and lean into an embrace. She chuckled evilly – AJ asked for a cuddle and got pillowy breasts pressed against hers, advanced by deep, telling breaths. Such was the game they played.

There it came – that big, blushing, doofy smile. Not sexy per se, but very cute, and a needed reminder to Adagio that I still got it.

“Remember yet?” she asked, grinning. A cruel grin that apparently drove farm girls wild.

“Ooh, yeah.” Miracles stacked As AJ took things even further, giving a telltale squeeze of a yellow rump. “Something you got, you know that? Something no one else has.”

The frisky hand kept kneading, and Adagio rewarded its owner with a kiss on the lips. She pulled away, taking the bait with a husky growl. “What’s that?”

“You’re squishy.”

The motions ceased. Even Adagio’s heavy cuddling stopped as confusion (and a little indignation) halted everything. “What?”

“You’re squishy.” Applejack punctuated the word by giving Adagio’s butt an extra ‘squish.’ “You’re soft ‘n warm. It feels real nice to lean into you and go to sleep, and when you’re on my lap like this I want to just hug you close like a teddy bear.”

One eyebrow up as high as it could go, Adagio asked, “I’m sexy too, right?”

“Of course you are,” Applejack said. But it was an afterthought, behind her passion.

Adagio studied Applejack’s face. The farm girl was more clever than most would guess, and wasn’t above pulling the ‘innocent hayseed’ routine to poke fun.

The tells were there. A twisting smirk won out through her over-sized grin. Applejack could bluff, but she wasn’t good at it.

“Don’t tease!” Adagio screeched, but she laughed as well.

“And you got nice boobs, too.” The concession made, Applejack leaned forward and gave a kiss of her own. Then more, between each listed word. “And butt… legs… hair… feet ‘n hips ‘n cheeks ‘n everything. Ain’t that what I said before?”

She moved with the kisses, pressing Adagio from her perch to lie flat atop the couch, with Applejack leaning above. She gave her best effort at a predatory look, which to Adagio’s mind proved an adorable best effort.

“Your turn. What’s great about me?”

Adagio was ready. “How manly you are.”

“Tease,” Applejack grunted.

“You learned from the best,” Adagio replied. “But it wasn’t a joke.”

She ran a light touch down Applejack’s arm, eliciting a shiver. “I’ve spent a lot of time on Earth learning to appreciate both genders. Now you? You’re shy, cute, and thin. But you’re also a jeans-wearing muscular farmer, who kills spiders and skips the lipstick. You’re tough, reliable, pretty, and squeaky.”

“Squeak-EEE!?” Applejack squealed and jerked upwards as the yellow fingers poked down to her ribs. “So wait, me not being girly is a good thing?”

Adagio abandoned her attack, folding her hands behind her head. “Pretty much, yeah. Me and my sisters are text-addicted fashion-chasing idiots with more makeup than sense. If I wanted that, I could have found it. And if I wanted a football-head jock… well look at me, I could have my pick.”

“And you picked me, huh?”

“Football heads can’t cook,” Adagio said, bending her arms up even higher. “And fashion-brats don’t hold me and make me feel safe. Now come on – I just tickled you, and am exposing my armpits. Don’t you want revenge?”

Foreplay, of course, and Applejack skipped the middle. She leaned in, giving a second effort at a seductive grin. “Nah, sugar, love ain’t just give and take.”

More kisses. Now with an open mouth, and Oh God yes Applejack pushed her arms beneath Adagio and squeezed close, merging their bodies into a disordered tangle. Adagio began grinding upwards, one hand finally pushing Applejack’s head down between her breasts and–

A door slammed open across the house, accompanied by a pre-teen voice. “Big sis, I’m home!”

Siren Schemes and Losing Teams

“Hey. Leader.”

Coming from Aria’s mouth, the word had been a phrase of scorn since the Battle of the Bands. Ten months of moving to ever-cheaper apartments, colds and flus they were once immune to, and dealing with human bodies which needed more than ice cream to live. “All Adagio’s fault,” or so the other two said whenever things got rough. The endless hunger would have remained if they ignored the lure of Equestrian magic, but everything else would still be fine. Wine, shelter, and the highest fashions from hypnotized dupes.

The tone today didn’t carry quite so much contempt. Still, Adagio leaned back from her lunch tray and adopted a bored expression. “What is it, Aria?”

“When are you going to tell us what the plan is?”

Opposite of her leader, Aria leaned forward with conspiratorial interest. She flicked her head to and away from the Rainbooms’ table. “You know. With her.”

As if on cue, a text chimed on Adagio’s phone. A swipe of her finger revealed words beneath an apple-shaped avatar. “They’re talking video games again. How are you?”

A glance showed Applejack giving a bored, distant smile as her friends chattered around her. Adagio gave a lip-twitch smile in return, her fingers tapping out the response. “Talk later, Sweetness.”

“We’re not idiots,” Aria said. “You were seeing her for weeks on the sly before coming out. Why don’t you tell us what you’re thinking?”

“Why don’t I not?” Adagio’s voice rolled out lazily. A glance to their third showed no support – Sonata stared levelly back at her, the ditzy facade lost to calculated silence.

“Come on, leader...”

There it was again. The ten-month insult that suddenly wasn’t put like an insult.

“...We can help.” Aria leaned in closer, lowering her voice to a sly whisper. “Seducing the Rainbooms so they’ll break the lock on our powers? That’s not just genius, that’s the best kind of cruel irony.”

Her glowering smirk turned to a frown as Adagio laughed out loud. “Seduce the Rainbooms? Aria, they hate me, and I’m fine with that.”

“Except for Applejack.” Their expressions switched again, and now Aria grinned. “Good play. Start with the dumb, trusting one who’s already the odd one out. Feed her all the beautiful, lovey-dovey lines we used on kings and sultans, then sing her a heartbreaker about how much you miss being a siren. How she shouldn’t worry, because you’ll love her more than ever after changing back. At that point, you can probably just sit down and watch the lovestruck hick hammer the others to go along with it. Then – bam. We’re sirens, baby.”

“And then comes the payback,” Sonata chimed in with wicked cheer.

“Okay, wait.” Adagio pinched the bridge of her nose, squinting at the pair. “First thing’s first: You two have made far more progress in ‘human-ing’ than me. Aria, you play in Trixie’s band, and Sonata, you go with groups to goth poetry nights and arcades.”

And never invited me, she mentally added, but went on. “Meanwhile, I have...”

Applejack. Another part that went unsaid, and a queasiness entered her stomach as she passed the chance. “...Pretty much nothing. Except a job flipping burgers so we don’t turn homeless. You’re welcome. If any of us is hung up on getting our powers back, it should be me.”

“A lame band and a bunch of dorks?” Sonata gave a dry smile. “If you have a way out, we’ll take it.”

“It’s not that lame,” Aria grumbled.

Adagio cut in before an argument could start. Not that she loved the topic, but she had her own barbs to make. “Second, where are you getting that they can flip a switch and restore our powers?”

Aria grunted. “You tell us. Can they?”

“No!” Adagio snapped, then caught herself. “Maybe? I have no idea, but this is all wishful thinking on your part.”

“So why are you dating her?” Aria asked. “Planning some mundane revenge? Incriminating pictures? Join their group and hope you get magic powers?”

“Nothing like that,” Adagio sighed. “It’s...”

Again, silent words. The unfashionable, unfeminine, freckle-covered hillbilly. The type of girl we’d never bother with, even as we are now. One who helped end our lives as glorious, immortal sirens.

...She cares for me. I like her.

Her nose raised. The voice was flippant. “Just a relationship. Bit of sex on the side. Good cook. Buys me things. That she’s a Rainboom adds delicious icing to the cake, especially with her wrapped around my finger.”

The others deflated. “Some plan,” Sonata sighed, returning to her lunch.

Adagio shook her head. “Your fault for getting your hopes up.”

“Eh. You were right, wishful thinking.” Aria gave what passed for a companionable smile. She relaxed from the conspiratorial leaning, cracking her neck. “I can see where you’re coming from. Turning an old enemy into a lovestruck sugar bitch, heh. Can’t say much for taste, but you still got it, leader.”

No inflection of the word this time. Just an appreciated fact. It sent a grin across Adagio’s face, though the queasiness grew worse.

Worth it. These two are the closest thing I have to family.

The phone chimed again. Adagio swiped the phone-lock and held it close to her chest, shielding the view from her now-disinterested comrades. The apple avatar returned, asking “Everything okay?”

Adagio’s fingers moved. “Yeah.”

A moment’s pause. Then, “Sorry for not being there for you.”

The response was fast. A glance showed Applejack’s eyes on her phone. “I just get bored when Rainbow starts yammering about video games. No need for apologies.”

“I wasn’t talking about...”

Adagio caught herself before sending. Erased it all. Pocketed the phone.

No harm, no foul.

...Her stomach hurt.

Author's Note

Longer chapter up tomorrow...

Still Life in a Sushi Bar

Adagio smiled coyly, one hip thrust in a sassy pose as Sunset became aware of her predicament. The red-haired girl slowly tested the ropes binding her to the chair, nonplussed stare never leaving her captor.

Adagio opened her mouth, but Sunset went first. “Yes, yes, it’s ironic that I can’t claim any moral supremacy from being kidnapped given what happened earlier with us and Twilight. Now I have a history test to study for, so we really need to get this over with.”

Deprived of her gloat, the siren moved forward. “Fine. I–”

“Actually, hang on. My nose itches really bad. Scratch it for me.”

Adagio grunted and folded her arms. “I’m not scratching your nose.”

Sunset twitched. “Have you ever had an itch that you’re completely unable to scratch? It’s hell. I’m rapidly losing the ability to give a calm response, so you really need to scratch my nose before I start screaming.”

Sunset kept twitching, scrunching her nose and eyes in such a way that would have been hilarious if Adagio was in the mood. With a dramatic sigh, the siren reached up and gently clawed at Sunset’s face.

“Better.” The antics ceased, and Sunset took a relaxed pose. “Thank you. Now please tell me what’s up, because my gamut of mental possibilities here ranges from new plot to destroy the world to something weird and anticlimactic.”

“I need money,” Adagio blurted without preamble.

Sunset blinked, then shrugged. “Going with the latter, I see. Are you planning to ransom me? Because that’s so terrible of an idea I’d be willing to leave, say nothing, and call it even.”

“No!” Adagio snapped. “Look, it’s Applejack. I found a blue-ray collection of fifty western movies online. I want to get her that, a player, and a flatscreen, because she doesn’t even have one of those.”

Sunset arched an eyebrow. “Not cheap. And her birthday and Christmas are a long way off. Is this an apology?”

Adagio opened her mouth.

Closed it.

And shook her head. “No.”

“You hesitated there.”

“No I didn’t.”

Sunset gave her a calm, if passive smile. “Adagio, I know we don’t get along, but if you want to talk I can at least promise you confidentiality and honest feedback.”

“The only thing I want honest feedback on is where I can score some weekend work.” Adagio slid a hand behind her hair and tossed the curls. “Word around school says you’re the part-time queen. I need you to hook me up with something to pull in the cash.”

“Okay, but one question.” Sunset shuffled in her restraints. “Actually, hold up. Another nose itch coming on.”

Adagio obligingly scratched the offended area, and Sunset continued. “Sure, fine. I can help there. Above minimum wage, even. But why did you feel the need to tie me up for this?”

“I genuinely enjoy your discomfort.”

Sunset grunted. “You need to work on that.”

“I know. I’m getting better.” Adagio moved around, and began untying Sunset’s bonds. “Can I start this weekend?”

“Part-time queen” though she might be, Sunset hardly had employers at her beck and call. It took two weeks and an exchanged favor to land Adagio at a place that didn’t treat its employees like disposable robots. Adagio followed a texted address to a restaurant with clean floors and a vaguely racist cartoon of an Asian chef posted outside. Three full hairnets in a non-Euclidean arrangement tamed her curls, and she passed two doors to find Sunset in a room with a massive portable freezer and sink.

“Hi, welcome. Grab an apron.” Sunset gave a distracted nod, up to her arms in suds as she washed. A cute, but undeniably cheap yukata dangled on her shoulders. “This is good, actually. We had call-offs today, and the restaurant pays extra when we’re short. I need to get up front and start preparing the lunch rolls. You...”

Hands dried, Sunset waved her over to a smaller room with a cutting board and fridge. “You’ve worked in food service, so wash your hands, blah, blah, blah. I don’t have time to train you on anything major, so grab stuff from the big freezer, chop off the heads and tails, and put the rest on trays in the little fridge here. Report to me when you’re done and we’ll figure out something else for you. I’ll teach you about sushi prep if I can, you’ll bus tables or wash dishes if things get busy. Here, I’ll show you how to set up the cutting board.”

Briskly, Sunset led her ward back to the king-sized freezer. She paused, slinking her eyes over to Adagio. “Normally on a day like this I’d call in Rainbow. I’m taking a chance with you, because it’s just us two here until dinnertime. I really need you to haul ass with me, okay?”

Adagio smirked defiantly. “Yes, mistress.”

The gaze lingered another second, then Sunset turned away. She reached into the freezer, removed two ice-filled bags, and brought them back to the smaller room. “Now watch.”

With the efficiency of practice, Sunset donned plastic gloves and pulled a large fish from one of the bags. Crisp, fast moves set it on the cutting board, sliced off each end, and moved the body onto a refrigerated tray. The severed limbs were balled into a fist and tossed into another, smaller cooler marked, ‘Cat Shelter.’

“Boom. Done.” Sunset removed a fish from the second bag and laid it out on the board. Leaving it for Adagio, she turned and quickly washed up. “Just do enough to fill the fridge. Bathroom’s in the far back.”

And with that, she was gone.

The lunch rush didn’t even half-fill the restaurant, but acting as waitress, cashier, and sushi-chef kept Sunset hopping. She kept eyes to the clock, mentally timing Adagio’s work. The girl could probably wait tables easily enough when she finished cutting, and that would let Sunset stay only marginally behind the game. One apology after another flowed from her lips at the growing delays. Seat customers, get drinks, take orders, prep orders…

The first hour passed, and her eye began twitching. Initial prep of the fish was a ten-minute job, though she sternly reminded herself to give Adagio the benefit of doubt. Perhaps she was doing it more carefully than she should, or was loading two fish per tray instead of one.

The second hour proved a deal more agonizing. Lunch orders had become well and truly backed up, customers were starting to drift away without ordering, and the boss had made an ill-timed and unnecessary call to remind her to make sure enough sushi ingredients were prepped and sliced for dinner. A time-consuming chore she was never going to get to at this rate. Even once the customers left she had to gut the fish, wash dishes, set out dinner menus… a frantic rush for only two workers, utterly impossible for one.

Finally, the last disgruntled lunchtime guest left after informing Sunset just how rude it was that he had to wait fifteen minutes to pay. Sunset took it all with a smile, even waving from the glass door as the slim businessman made his exit.

The moment his car started, the smile flipped in time with Sunset’s hand, moving the door sign to ‘closed.’

“Maybe she’s just slow,” Sunset muttered as she tore to the back rooms. “Maybe she’s incompetent. I’ll take incompetent.”

No Adagio in the first room. Sunset flipped open the large freezer to find stacks of bagged fish still inside, undiminished from the time she left. Fast stomps and hissing breath carried her from there to the cutting room, where Adagio stood.

A little odd – Sunset expected to find her texting, or absent entirely. Instead, the siren stared at the same damn fish Sunset had set out for her. The knife sat unused next to the wooden board, and Adagio’s arms hung limp at her side.

Not odd enough for Sunset. “I can’t believe this.”

Magenta eyes turned blankly to the newcomer as Sunset went off, throwing her arms to the air. “No, never mind, I can believe you would screw me like this. And it’ll all fall on me because ‘Hey boss, can my friend work here? No worries, she’ll be fine!’”

Adagio’s eyes refocused. She pulled off the hairnets and shook out her curls right over the damn fish. “Not my problem.”

“The hell is your deal?” Sunset clenched her fists, voice shifting from half-panic to a low growl. “You wanted this.”

“Changed my mind.” Adagio adopted her utterly infuriating smirk. “I’ll get the money some other way. Thanks, though. I’m out of here.”

“Really?”

Adagio made to step past, and when Sunset didn’t budge she turned sideways and sidled past her.

“Frickin’ really?”

Adagio made it out the door. Sunset wasn’t done. She resisted the urge to just belt the poof-haired traitor, but a yellow hand snapped forward to spin her around for at least a tongue-lashing.

Water.

A memory, at the very top of the siren’s mind. Strong enough to immerse Sunset as she touched the shoulder.

A coral palace at the bottom of the sea, with strange, serpentine life all around. Before the castle swam a creature Sunset only knew from Equestria’s legends – the bloated, wide-mouthed abomination that was Mother Hydra, cruel queen of all that crawled and snapped on the ocean floor. A tiny yellow form writhed before it, screaming in terror.

Wait… no. It was squealing, and as it spun Sunset beheld Adagio Dazzle at age four: a mermaid-like toddler with more curly hair than body mass, grinning and screeching with joy. She twirled in circles, hugging a fish that bore strong resemblance to the one on the cutting board.

“I love him!” Toddler Adagio (who Sunset reluctantly admitted was stinkin’ adorable) screeched. “I’ll name him Mister Blub-Blub, and we’ll be best friends! Thank you, Princess Hydra!”

“You’re welcome,” the demonic Hydra said in a calm voice that uncomfortably resembled Celestia’s. “But he is not just a gift. You are responsible for Mister Blub-Blub, and must see that he is fed and happy. He will teach you a lesson. Do you know what it is?”

Adagio bobbed her head, glowing with childish pride. “I do! He’ll help me love and respect all creatures of the ocean, because fish are friends, not food.”

“Indeed.” Hydra gave what Sunset presumed was a motherly smile of foot-long teeth. “You must only hunt land creatures, and never our friends of the sea. Now come. I believe I saw a birthday cake with a precious little siren’s name on it, although it is too big for you alone. Let’s go find your sisters.”

With a gleeful cheer, Adagio sped into the castle, with Mister Blub-Blub trailing in her wake.

Adagio kept walking, slipping from Sunset’s limp grasp. No pause or glance back, though a tilt of the head showed her painted smirk was gone.

Sunset’s eyes slipped to the cutting board. Not the old pet, of course, but the resemblance was there.

“Adagio.”

She kept walking.

“Hey, wait up.”

Maybe it was the subdued tone, completely different from the fury of ten seconds past. Maybe Adagio just didn’t want Sunset tattling to Applejack. Either way, the siren turned, her smirk back in place.

Still tense with lingering anger, Sunset allowed a growling sigh before she continued. “I have got to be nuts, but… there’s a movie theater on Oak Street where it’s pretty much inevitable janitors take the weekends off. The work sucks and it’s minimum wage, but I’m sure they’ll call me tomorrow.”

Adagio gave a tiny flinch of surprise, almost hidden by the twisting smirk. “Well, aren’t you nice?”

Sympathy warred with anger inside Sunset, producing a grumbled, “Take it or leave it.”

“I’ll take it,” Adagio said, a bit too quickly for the indifferent facade. “Also, I’m not an idiot. You saw my memories.”

Sunset held up one hand as though taking an oath. “Accident. Sorry this didn’t work out, but if you could read my mind you’ll know how close I was to killing you.”

“Best make myself scarce, then.” Adagio turned and resumed her egress, waving one hand.

Sunset let the snarl creep back to her face. All this, and not even a Celestia-damned ‘thank you’ for–

“Thanks.”

Spoken low and quickly, from behind the mound of orange curls. Enough, at least, to mollify Sunset. She turned grimly back to the cutting room and got to work. Two frenzied hours would accomplish much, leaving her only horribly unprepared for the dinner hour. She briskly washed hands and raised the knife above…

...A perfectly ordinary fish. Not Mister Blub-Blub. Not staring mournfully at her in the way she never realized a fish could do.

Guilt and practicality forged a truce, and Sunset upended the fish into the head-and-tail cooler. The shelter cats would love it. Nodding, Sunset retrieved more fish from the freezer and got back to work, humming cheerfully as she lopped off heads and tails.

Pets and Reconciliation

The walk to the shelter was slow, and Adagio wasn’t making it any faster.

“Why am I coming?” she asked. She flicked out her hair, a gesture Applejack had learned signified the wall of airy dismissal Adagio placed between herself and the world.

Applejack had already explained three times, but patience was her strong suit. “Because getting y’all to at least tolerate each other is going to be a mighty important step forward. And of all my friends, Fluttershy’s got it in for you worst of all.”

Another flick of the hair. “I’ll accept an apology. She threatened me.”

“Because she thought you were threatening me,” Applejack gently reminded. “And you didn’t do yourself no favors by kicking that cat.”

The words brought a fanged grin – not the response intended. “It was hilarious! She was all smoochy-woochy-coochie-pie and I was all ‘punt!’ It’s ironic and offensive comedy. Not my fault she can’t take a joke.”

“A joke to you is animal cruelty to her.” Applejack’s smile weakened as it dawned that this might be a terrible idea. No going back now. “Look, I know there are two sides to this. I’ve gotta say you’ve made a lot of progress with the whole ‘humans aren’t your plaything’ angle, and I’m right proud of you.”

Adagio cooed, draping an arm around Applejack and kissing her cheek.

The distraction failed. “But animals ain’t, neither. And I don’t mind noting that doing things expressly because my friends find them horrifying ain’t a good way to make this relationship last. Y’all don’t have to be best buds, but you gotta be able to stand in the same room together. That’s why this seems best – we got a job to do, so hopefully you and her will be able to get used to each other while not really having to talk.”

A bark from between them got a chuckle from Applejack. “See? Winona agrees.”

Adagio rolled her eyes as another bark emerged, but she followed its order to scratch the dog’s ears. Winona loved Adagio. Winona also loved skunks, rainstorms, and eating poop, so it wasn’t much of an honor.

A doorbell chimed as they entered their destination. The nostalgic odor of fur and hay swept their senses, strangely at odds with the spotless white floors and burgundy counters. The shelter ran a tight ship, doubtless thanks to its most committed volunteer.

Fluttershy was a different person in the shelter. She bloomed in the company of animals, greeting Applejack with a boisterous, “Hello, and...”

Her eyes found Adagio, and the voice became flat. “...Welcome.”

Applejack forged ahead, determined to head off any tension. “Hey, Flutters. Reckon we got some business for you today.”

“Oh?” That at least pulled Fluttershy’s glare into a questioning look to her friend.

“Yeah,” Applejack nodded. “Here for a dog. Fact of the matter is we’re all out and about more than we used to be. I’ve got work and school, Granny and Mac are trying to take our business all over the state, and I reckon Bloom spends more time at Rarity’s than home.”

“Doesn’t seem that way to me,” Adagio grumbled, too softly to hear.

Applejack went on. “You know Winona. She’s a love bug, and she gets mighty sad when no one’s home or we’re too busy to give her attention. Been bad enough this last week for her to whine all night till someone gets up with her. I’m hoping a little brother or sister might be just what the doctor ordered.”

“Aw, you poor thing!” Fluttershy beckoned Winona, who cheerfully abandoned her master and companion of eight years for the woman with the treats. “Any other problems with her? Any

Injuries?”

Freaky, how Fluttershy’s warmth could freeze over the course of two short words and a glance towards Adagio.

Applejack cut in, proving yet again she wasn’t some oblivious hayseed. “Adagio’s here to help me out. Any new pet will have to get along with her, too. And Flutters, she’s come a darn long way behind our backs and I’d be mighty grateful if you could treat her decently.”

A dozen added barbs came to mind, and Adagio let them fall without voice. There was a time for cruel humor, and a time to not actively sabotage your peacemaking girlfriend. Fluttershy’s cool expression told she was far from convinced, but she righted herself and gave a shrug. “Follow me, then. The dogs are over here. I’m sure we’ll have a great friend for her in no time.”

Applejack had a very specific list of needs that sent her first three examined dogs back to their kennels. The animal would have to be sociable with Winona, energetic enough to be a playmate, but not so energetic they’d tear the house apart chasing each other.

Enough time passed that Adagio sought directions to the toilet – main area, second door from the dog room. What Fluttershy didn’t clarify was that came after the room broke into a side passage. The open door brought not the anticipated relief, but a plain cell with a table, chair, and a few worn felt toys scattered around. A “meeting room,” where human and animal could interact in private.

No humans, but one such animal remained. A long, calico-patterned cat eyed the intruder from its table and gave a yawning meow in challenge.

“No dice with the humans, huh kitty?”

Uninterested, but in no hurry to return to Fluttershy’s breathing space, Adagio closed the distance. “There’s a giant sign out there saying to bring animals back to their cage, but I guess some people can’t read. C’mere, you.”

She scratched the cheek, and the cat purred. She kept scratching as it leaned into her hand, and three seconds later it bit.

“Ow, stupid – hey!” Adagio winced and pulled free, bending to examine the damage. The cat seized the moment to leap onto her head. A rustle and turn brought its hind legs to brace against her shoulders, with the body curled triumphantly over her crown.

“Down kitty,” Adagio said, expecting obedience.

The cat meowed defiantly at the woman who had clearly never owned a cat.

“The products in this hair are worth more than your life, and I spent more time with it this morning than your catmom spent birthing you. Get down.”

Another meow came, as well as a purring rumble that massaged Adagio’s head and neck. Paws kneaded at her precious curls as the cat wiggled into a relaxed position.

Grumbling a few curses, Adagio leaned forwards. With its body mass behind her head, the cat sat unfazed.

Grumbling a few more, she leaned backwards over the table. That got a discomfited meow at least, but the paws braced and remained firm.

“Cat, this is disgusting!” Adagio jerked her head to each side, winning nothing but a yawn from her adversary. “You bury poop with those paws. Get off right now.”

Another meow. Adagio reached up and grabbed it from the sides, finally starting the brawl in earnest. The cat yelped and tried to hang on, but size and strength brought it off and around to hang nose-to-nose with the triumphant siren. Adagio grinned angrily, glaring down into its eyes. “Alright you...”

“Adagio? Where are...”

Her breath caught, and the grin froze on her face. Of course Applejack had come looking, perhaps prompted by the suspicious Fluttershy.

Fluttershy, now standing a half-step behind the confused girlfriend. Watching Adagio’s uncomfortable gripping of a cat with the look of measuring her for a coffin.

“What are you doing with Makoto?” Fluttershy asked, very quietly.

Adagio wanted to explain. Applejack would understand, hopefully. But Fluttershy would believe the worst unless she spun it really well.

Mind racing, her pained grin turned back to the cat, seeking answers in its…

...Red eyes. Kind of cool.

The cat leaned in, sniffed twice, and brushed its nose to hers.

Adagio rolled with it. She hugged the cat closer, rubbing her nose back in turn. “She’s such a cutie! I saw her in the room and couldn’t stand to leave her all awone.”

The cat purred affectionately, taking advantage of the close contact to scamper along her shoulder and reclaim its spot in her hair.

Adagio fancied she heard a cracking as Fluttershy’s ice disintegrated. She stared at the cat-siren combo, the frown gliding over two seconds to a delighted squeal. “That’s so cute! I’ve never seen Makoto warm up to someone like that. She’s always been kind of a bully who has to get what she wants.”

“She does that, alright,” Adagio said with a wry smile. The purring rumble returned, massaging all the way down her neck.

Applejack pushed up her hat. “Mighty nice, but we’re looking for a playmate for Winona.”

Massage or no, it was time for Adagio to bail. “I know, right? It’s such a shame my apartment can’t do pets. And Applejack needs a dog, so – too bad! I love the little girl.”

“Dogs and cats can be playmates,” Fluttershy announced with cheer, sending cold water through Adagio’s veins. “Applejack, go get Winona. We can have them meet here.”

Adagio remembered a time when all humans believed in destiny. These days, most of them thought it was hogwash.

A creature of magic from a world of prophecies and crystal balls, destiny for Adagio was a real, half-tangible thing. She didn’t believe in it, she knew it to be real. The bizarre and unfortunate was sometimes meant to be.

And so, it was with resignation instead of disappointment that she watched Winona and Makoto get along fabulously. The cat may have been a bully among its kind, but the same actions were play to a dog. It would swat back Winona’s licks, chase her and be chased, and tussle with her before the pair collapsed with one over the other.

A few days would be needed for the paperwork and vaccinations. As Applejack handled Winona into her carrier, Makoto sauntered up to Adagio and meowed for affection. Maroon and red eyes engaged in a brief contest of wills, which ended inevitably with Adagio scratching its chin.

For three seconds. Then it bit.

“Ow! Mixed signals, much?” she snarled, then caught herself at Fluttershy’s stare.

But the ice didn’t re-freeze. She walked over to sit next to Adagio, cooing as she stroked Makoto’s tail. “Cats bite to show affection.”

“Huh.” A hole in Adagio’s knowledge, filled. She chuckled, turning a leer on Applejack at the right moment to see her bend over. “I get that.”

The cat rubbed itself on Fluttershy’s hand, though of course it didn’t bite her. “You should probably discourage her from climbing on your head. They bury poop with those paws. Aside from that, it was...”

Fluttershy shuffled in place, and gave a little squeak even Adagio found cute. “Kind of… nice to see you like that. I’m sorry about earlier. I should have given you a fair chance.”

“And I should have given you a reason to,” Adagio sighed. Honestly, the reconciliation was more for Applejack’s sake than hers, but she weirdly felt a little better for it.

She rubbed her hand along Makoto’s side, eliciting the now-traditional purr and bite. Not so bad.

Granny Smith was a God Damn Sexual Tyrannosaurus in her day

Author's Note

This chapter has a sex tag for involving "The Talk."

Granny Smith was a God Damn Sexual Tyrannosaurus in her day

If anyone bothered to ask, Adagio wouldn’t hesitate: yes, she vastly preferred time at her girlfriend’s house to her own and seized any excuse to head over. It had reached the point where none of the Apples thought much about her presence, even when Applejack herself was busy with the farm. Applebloom had made odd comments about Adagio helping out for her keep (namely, with Applebloom’s chores), but neither Mac nor Granny paid her any mind. No comment had even been raised on her habit of spending the night with Applejack.

Until today. What should have been a pleasant exchange over evening brandy (The Apples had loose alcohol rules) took on a new and unexpected life with a single revelation.

“Y’all haven’t snogged yet?” Granny looked up sharply from her glass, fixing the pair with a surprised look.

“Course not, Granny.” Applejack placated her with a gentle smile. “We’re saving til marriage.”

“Marriage, schmarriage,” Granny said, drawing a chuckle from the orange-haired traitor next to Applejack. “Y’all ain’t gonna be young forever, so get cracking!”

Applejack gazed wide-eyed at her grandmother, ignoring the laughter from their third. A sip of the bourbon at least gave her something to do while processing this new information.

“I thought...” she began slowly, and finished like a child. “I thought waiting was what we did?”

“Who’s we?” Granny asked.

“Us!” Another sip to steady herself, though Applejack knew bourbon didn’t really work like that. “Decent folk. Mom and dad, you and grandpa, Mac and Sugar Belle...”

“Mac and Sugar Belle?” Granny Smith arched an eyebrow. “Y’all know she spends nights here, right?”

Applejack pointed a thumb to the window. “Sure I do. And whenever that happens, they spend the night in the orchard stargazing.”

“Stargazing,” Adagio and Granny repeated together.

Applejack nodded. “Yeah. Mac told me when I asked him about it.”

Adagio gave a groaning, happy sigh. “You’re adorable.”

“Hoo-lordy, girl.” Granny cast her eyes to the ceiling. “We missed something with your education along the way.”

“Time for remedial lessons,” Adagio said, turning her voice to its phone-sex maximum. Applejack yipped as two manicured fingers pinched her on the side. “No worries, Miss Smith, your daughter is in good hands.”

She breathed and stretched the last word, drawing a wincing glare out of Applejack. That was one of her rules – no touchy-feely or innuendo in front of the family. In hindsight they wouldn’t have cared, but Granny gave immediate cause for regret.

“No thanks Dazzle, we gotta talk sex woman to woman! So get your patooty out of here unless you want to stick around and hear it.”

“I’ll stay,” Adagio said. Applejack looked to her with such shock and dawning horror she could not resist an evil sneer.

Granny shrugged, and turned to her apple-red granddaughter. “Fine. Now listen here, O Fruit of Mine. Yer a horny teenager and y’all got needs. At church and TV and whatnot they taught you sex was for married people, so you got to thinking it was shameful to have needs like you do. So you treated it as a big secret, like with that magazine under your bed.”

“Magazine?” Adagio’s sultry pout was the last thing Applejack saw before reaching up to pull her hat down. Realizing her head was bare, she made do with covering her eyes as Adagio finished. “Am I not enough for you, Sweetness?”

Granny – as she often did – answered for Applejack. “Of course you are, she just needs to ask. So AJ, don’t you be shy for our sake, and don’t you dare be shy for the sake of some priest or politician. If you got an itch you want scratched and she wants to scratch it, you let her scratch it all night long. Don’t have to worry about condoms or nothing with a lady, just check for warts first.”

Applejack’s voice rolled from around her hands, dribbling painfully to the air. “It’s a creaky old house, Granny. What if y’all hear?”

“Girl, this place was creaky when I was young,” Granny said. “I guarantee we’ll all hear. And we won’t say a word, and the next day we won’t do nothing except pour extra coffee and ask how your night was.”

“Joy,” Applejack croaked.

“Now, about fetishes...”

Applejack cut in sharply. “I don’t need to learn about that.”

The bonfire roared behind her face as Adagio’s voice took a halting, innocent tone. “But Miss Smith, I don’t know anything about fetishes. Won’t you please explain, in great detail?”

“You’re going to hell,” Applejack muttered.

Granny Smith’s eyes narrowed at Adagio. “You just want to embarrass my granddaughter.”

Applejack peeked over her hands to see the siren grin, unrepentant.

A second passed, and the bonfire exploded as Granny gave a grin to match. “Woman after my own heart. Let me tell you, when I was Applejack’s age they called me Whipsmack Apple. Took a while for me to meet a man who could keep up, but when we did, hoo boy. I don’t mind saying Bright Mac popped out seven months after the wedding, and I got no regrets.”

“I’m done!” Applejack shouted. She rocketed from her chair fast enough to send it flying backwards. Flame-red fingers seized her drink and she downed it in one gulp. “I’m going to milk the cows. Y’all don’t need me for this.”

“Think of me while you milk them,” Adagio teased.

“Don’t mind her, Dazzle,” Granny said. “I got photographs from my Whipsmack days if you want to see. Somewhere up with her grandpa’s old things, heh-heh.”

“Fine, fine, have fun with that!” Applejack waved, already halfway out the door.

“Appleseed, wait.”

The childhood nickname caught Applejack just before she left the room. She turned her head back to the table, not quite trusting the pair enough to fully rejoin.

Granny went on with a serious tone. “The crux of this is that you gotta do what’s right for you. If you ain’t comfortable with porking this fine heifer yet...”

At which Adagio growled “Hey,” though Granny Smith went on. “...Then you leave it be. Don’t let her cajole or guilt you into doing it. But don’t let any high and mighty types guilt you into not doing it. You make your own choices, girl.”

Applejack was still too flustered for rational response, but she did manage a nod. Her place resumed at a walk, which transformed to a sprint as Adagio’s response followed her through the door.

“Alright, Miss Smith, now let me tell you some of my stories. It was the Civil War, see? We were in a stable with all these bits and bridles and...”