The Case of Coke vs. Pepsi

by DubleTruble96

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6
Length: 1467

David vs Goliath, Batman vs Superman, Twilight vs Trixie. In every match-up, there is a winner... Well.. Not every match-up.

What started as a simple enough day at the local Hayburger quickly escalates into something that shouldn't be taken nearly as seriously as it is. Like, why does it even matter? No seriously. Why does this matter? They're both objectively the same products.

Alas, some soft drinks are just not made equal, and at the end of the day, the question on everypony's mind is this: Coke or Pepsi?

Published 2018-04-22 08:40:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-22 08:40:07 UTC

"2-Litre Machine Broke, We Got 1-Litre Tho"

"I don't get paid enough for this.."

The dead-panning, apparently underpaid employee of the local Ponyville Hayburger thought to herself as she stared at the sextet of bickering ponies seated near the window. The bickering had apparently also caused the other customers to migrate to other tables, leaving a good 3 or 4 table radius between themselves and the arguing. They had been having this seemingly unending debate for several minutes.. or has it been an hour? Time just seems to blur, speed up AND slow down when you're on the clock. The poor pony let out a heavy sigh as she recollects the events that had led up to this chaos, and surprisingly, it wasn't even the work of that Discord guy either...

"A normal, average day at Hayburger..." she said to nopony in particular as she let out a soft, almost satisfied sigh. She kind of liked the quiet. And then a group of 6 ponies came in, all chatting and laughing amongst themselves, and who else would it be other than the band of hometown heroes, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy! The pony immediately gave them a polite smile as they approached the counter, and they began to place their order.

"Good morning! I'll take a number 6 combo with large fries, and a chocolate milkshake! What about you Applejack?"

The order continued as normal for a while, until eventually it got to Rainbow Dash. That's when things started to spiral out of control...

"Lessee here! I'll get a number 8 combo, large fries and large drink. With extra ketchup!"

This was the exact point where things went wrong. The pony punched the order into her till, then looked up at said the fateful line;

"What would you like to drink?"
"I'll take Coke."
"Oh, sorry.. No Coke.. is Pepsi okay?"

Rainbow looked shocked, then offended, as if she had just watched this pony kick Tank.

"Is.. is Pepsi okay?! Um is Monopoly money okay? What kind of question is that?!"
"I-I'm sorry ma'am, but we stopped carrying Coke some time ago. We have other drinks.."
"You stopped carrying Coke?!"

Twilight eventually had to intervene, pulling Rainbow aside and giving the clerk pony a friendly, albeit stressed, smile.

"Hehehe, sorry about my friend. She'll just have a root beer."

The pony gave her a smile and a nod, punching it into the till and sending it off to the cooks in the back, while Rainbow was getting scolded by her alicorn friend as they walked to their seats.

"What the hay was that, Rainbow?"
"C'mon, we all know Coke is objectively better!"
"That still doesn't give you reason to fly off the handle!"
"Wait wait wait wait wait.." Pinkie interrupted, raising an eyebrow as she stared at the pegasus racer. "Did you just say Coke was better than Pepsi?"

And that's when the morning when from bad to worse, thought the clerk, finishing up another order from another concerned customer. But what was she to do? Kick out a princess and her heroine friends? That'd be like telling Princess Celestia that she has a big flank! She shook her head as she began to sweep the floor behind the counter, the bickering ponies still arguing. This has to end some time...

"You can't SERIOUSLY think Pepsi is the better choice, Pinkie!"
"And you DOUBLE can't seriously think that Coke is the better one!"

The two ponies rammed their heads together in a deadlock before Twilight once again, had to break them up.

"HEY HEY HEY! Enough you two! What does it even matter? They're both the same thing!"

Everybody else at the table gasped in horror as Twilight just facehoofed. "Oh boy.."
"Now hold on a apple-pickin' minute, sugarcube. Pepsi and Coke are NOT the same thing."
"I have to agree with Applejack, darling. Similar, true; but to call them the same is like saying that vermillion and blood orange are the same thing!"
"Uh.. aren't they both shades of red?" Fluttershy said, frowning.
"Well yes, but they are objectively different!"

Twilight just sighed heavily as her friends began to argue over which cola was the alpha. This was NOT what she was hoping for when she invited her friends out for lunch.

"Pepsi is just a flat, sad version of Coke!"
"Is not! Coke is trying too hard to be Pepsi!"
"Coke came first!"
"Well Pepsi did it better!"

They continued to argue, the cola debate was getting heated. Twilight just sighed and slurped on her milkshake with a roll of her eyes. She knew better than to intervene when Pinkie and Rainbow were at the helm. Soon, Applejack and Rarity got into it, AJ siding with Pinkie and Rarity siding with Rainbow. Fluttershy just sat there eating her fries meekly, wanting to break it up but at the same time, not wanting to get involved.

"Pepsi, Coke, who cares?" Twilight mused, twisting her mouth into a half-frown as she continued to drink. "Milkshakes are way better than both of those combined."

The debate continued on for another 40 minutes, but to the poor pony behind the counter, it seemed like an eternity. Fluttershy looked on and saw the pony roll her eyes with a frown as she began her self-monologue in her head. She sighed a bit, looking upset. She hated it when her friends were fighting, but what could she do? Twilight seems to have given up as well.

"Pepsi has fewer calories!"
"Coke has less sugar!"
"Why does that make it BETTER?!"
"Well Pepsi has more caffeine!"

"How much longer can they go on like this?" Twi thought, looking between her 4 bickering friends. It was starting to get annoying and she certainly didn't appreciate being stared at by the other ponies. It was embarrassing! That's when she heard "-ilight?" and she snapped back to reality, looking at her friends. They were all staring at her questioningly, and Twilight sat up, looking at them all.

"What?"
"I said, what's your opinion, Twilight?" Rainbow said impatiently, looking annoyed. "We're clearly deadlocked and Fluttershy doesn't want to pick sides, so which is better? Coke or Pepsi?"

There was a long pause as the entire restaurant fell into a hush for the first time in the past hour. Several ponies waited with baited breath, knowing that the word of a princess would conquer all! If a princess said one over the other, then CLEARLY it was the superior choice! Even the annoyed mare behind the counter stopped what she was doing, raising an eyebrow curiously, but not directly staring at them anymore...

Twilight looked at her friends, then at the restaurant of hushed ponies, and back at her food. She knew that if she said that one was better than the other, it would cause a rift between her and her friends. She thought for a moment before remembering something she read in a fantasy series.

"My honest opinion is..."

Everybody in the restaurant gasped silently, at complete attention. Her friends stared curiously, narrowing their eyes.

"...milkshakes are better than both of them."

Silence. Her friends stared, as if processing the information. They looked at each other, and then back at Twilight, who sat there smugly slurping the last of her milkshake with a smile. They looked back at each other, then snickered and then started to howl with laughter. Even Fluttershy giggled audibly! The restaurant sighed in relief as the 6 ponies switched right back to their jovial selves, as if the entire argument never happened.

"I can't argue with that!" Rainbow said, wiping away a tear with her hoof.
"Me neither!" Pinkie said, hiccuping from laughing so hard.
"They ARE pretty good.." Rarity agreed, chuckling. "Even if they are ghastly to my figure."
"Well, they don't beat apple cider, but they do beat out both other options." Applejack nodded.

"Finally.." The mare behind the counter said to herself with a smile. The 6 ponies all got up from their seats, tossing their trash into the bin and then heading out, leaving their disagreement behind. The mare behind the counter giggled to herself, rolling her eyes at the absolutely silly debate. Who knew a group of such close friends could end up like that?

That's when the Royal Sisters themselves came for a visit. Thank goodness they came when they did. They just missed that atrocious display by their heroines! The mare went to the till, smiling and bowing politely before looking up at the duo.

"May I take your order?"
"You may! We'll have two super-sized number 4 combos."
"And what would you like to drink?"
"I'll take a root beer, and my sister would like a Coke."
"Oh.. Sorry, is Pepsi okay?"

Oh drat.