Three Strikes, You're Out

by Jaycren

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Adventure, Violence, Main 6, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4491

There is a reason Ponyville is only invaded on Tuesday and why it is rebuilt the next day

Three rules all Villians know.

1. Only invade Ponyvile on a Tuesday.

2. Do not anger Dis, before he's had his coffee

3. This one is the most important of all. Never, ever, in any situation hurt Miss.

Well let's see what happens when these three laws are broken.

Published 2018-04-22 14:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-11 20:00:55 UTC

And, He's Outta Here!!!!!

Dis stepped out into Ponyville, grumbling up at the sun. After blaspheming at Celestia, he trotted towards Sugarcube Corner, to secure the precious elixir known as coffee. The Cakes knew exactly how he took his, Extra Large, Iced, Caramel Flavoring, and 5 shots of double brewed, Cuban espresso, with absolutely no cream or sugar. Continuing to trot towards that which was necessary to keep him from omnicide, he noticed that ponies were running past him. He stopped, then grabbed a passing brown coated mare by the ear.

“Ow!, Let go you…” whatever else she was about to call Dis dropped as she saw who she was talking to. Fear of the bedraggled pony made her freeze.

“Octavia, tell me, what day is it?” Dis calmly asked.

“It”s Wednesday Dis.” Her proper Trotingham accent coming through even as he twisted her ear.

Dis sighed, his hoof still holding onto the cellists ear. “For a second I thought I and Mis had gotten our days wrong and we could just go back to bed. Where's Mis?”

“Helping with the evacuation by Sugarcube Corner, But Dis…..” Octavia stopped a little uncertain on how to proceed.

Dis let go of her ear “Go, I already know she's by whatever it is and too close to it for anyone’s comfort.”

“It's a Dragon, Dis, an adult.”

Harrumphing, Dis trotted onward.

Fluttershy tried in vain to organize the mob of ponies into some kind of organized evacuation, but the crazed equines bolted around her, shoving her too and fro. She glanced at the dragon, moving unopposed through Ponyville. It had already wrecked several houses, but thankfully had yet to hurt anypony. Pinkie and Rainbow had been called away to Griffinstone and wouldn't be back till later in the morning, Twilight and Rarity had somehow dragged Applejack to the spa and were across town, so would take some time to arrive. Looking around helpless, her breath coming in gasps, She realized how little she could actually do.

“Mac and Bulk start herding them towards the Canterlot road, the dragon won’t go that close to the Everfree” She heard a familiar voice say,

“Cherilee gather what foals you can find and get them to the schoolhouse, they’ll be safer and calmer there,” Fluttershy's chest swelled with pride, as her cousin Mis organized the evacuation, her stern, but calm voice easing the panic of the herd.

The townsfolk quickly moved away from the dragon, as Fluttershy wondered where the guard presence was, but then she felt a hot puff of humid breath.

“Oh, No,” She whispered, turning to see the bloodshot eyes of the adult dragon level with hers.

The scaled reptile dove forward snapping viciously. She froze, knowing that she was not going to get out of the way in time. A solid blow to her side sent Fluttershy to the ground, where she hit hard, rolling. She Opened her eyes in time to see Mis grabbed by the beast and tossed to the side. Fluttershy dashed to her Cousin as Discord popped into existence.

Fluttershy glanced at Discord “Help me make sure she’s OK,”

Discord nodded, as Fluttershy started checking Miss, thankfully other than unconsciousness and some small puncture wounds on Mis’s side she seemed to be Okay.

“Hey Butterfly,” a deep gravelly baritone rumbled.

Fluttershy raised her eyes, seeing a brown, scarred Unicorn that seemed to be held together with plating, staples, pins, stitches and in some cases Duct Tape. His horn was of particular note, as it had been repaired and secured to his head with metal splints, screws and what appeared to be rubber spray on sealant, with any residual cracks caulked to prevent water leakage.

“H-H-Hey D-Diss” She stuttered to her cousin’s special somepony.

Dis bopped Fluttershy affectionately on the nose, and then turned to Discord, “Where in Tartarus were you?!”

Discord flinched back and wilted. “The spell I have to warn me when my Flutterbuddy is in danger doesn’t go off unless she is in direct danger, if I did it any other way I would have too many false alerts,” He stammered. “I’m sorry that got Mis hurt, I like her”

Dis glared at Discord, then closed his eyes, and took a breath. “No it’s not your fault, I think I need to have a word with that Dragon”

He then turned, trotting calmly forward, determined to explain his displeasure to the offending Dragon. As Fluttershy watched Dis trot away, she heard a low level squee from behind. Discord had a look of pure joy, as he contemplated what Chaos the patchwork pony was about to unleash.

Fluttershy herself admitted to a grim anticipation. "No one hurts my Loved ones, Go get him Dis." She said internally

The overgrown, pompous, bully of a Lizard was about to get exactly what he deserved.

“First we’ll need comfy seats!!!!!” Discord exclaimed as he poofed four sets of movie chairs into existence. One of those chairs held Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, having a serious makeout session, Fluttershy blushed, clearing her throat to get their attention.

Rainbow jumped as if she had been shot, causing Pinkie, who was practically in her lap, to fall to the ground.

“How in the Buck did we get here?!” Rainbow exclaimed, as she looked down, and saw the hurt look Pinkie was giving her.

Discord himself seemed a little flushed. “That would be my fault, I poofed my other two favorite mane 6 in, so they wouldn’t miss the show,” He paused and then continued “But even I didn’t expect that, I just locked unto your elements.”

“Seriously Discord do you know how long I’ve been trying to get to this point with Rainbow, I was honestly hoping to round home by the time we got back!!” Pinkie exclaimed, “Really not Cool!!!!!’ The Pink Party Pony then muttered “And this Narrator better realize I have access to his browser history and his girlfriend’s E-mail, so he better watch his step.”

Pinkie then looked forward and saw the dragon, as well as who was walking towards it

“Although the show might just be worth it,”

Rainbow now had taken further stock of the situation “Wait we’re just supposed to watch as what looks like the most broken pony I’ve ever seen gets mauled by an Adult Dragon?”

She shook her head “And I thought you were reformed, Discord” Rainbow shot forward only to be stopped by Pinkie, Discord, and Fluttershy

“That ‘Broken Pony’ is half the reason that Ponyville only gets destroyed on a Tuesday” Discord said.

“Tuesdays is Disaster Area’s day off,” Pinkie Clarified

Rainbow did a double take as Fluttershy added “He’ll be fine Rainbow. Wait, I thought his full name was Disproportionate Response.”

Rainbow, still confused asked “Still shouldn’t we give him some help?”

“Only if Dis gets way too mean” Pinkie answered, then laughed. “HA! Classic! That was a good bit, we can be friends again.”

“Pinkie would you mind providing the popcorn, my machine broke?” Discord asked

“Of Course!!!!!” Pinkie answered as she reached into her mane. “Although the narrator needs to stop with the Pratchett exclamation point reference.” She said while looking vaguely upwards.

Duly Pinkie noted the bit is getting a little old. I'm glad we're friends again.

"ME TOO!"

Rarity, Applejack and Twilight ran across town towards the latest destroyer of Ponyville. As they rounded the corner the Purple Alicorn went to shoot past her friends only to be clotheslined by Applejack.

“Oomph! Applejack?! What're you doing?! We need to confront that Dragon before he hurts anypony.”

Applejack ignored her friend and asked “Rares, is that Disgruntled Employee walking towards that Dragon?”

Rarity glanced around her more muscular friend, “I do believe it is, But I always thought his name was Disquieting Presence”

“What are you two doing? He’s going to get himself hurt, we need to do something!” Twilight chastised her two friends, “And his name is Discordant Frequency.”

Applejack and Rarity looked at their leader and then at each other.

“Dis won’t cause anymore more harm then he has to, he may not care for the rest of us, but his special Somepony does, and he wouldn't upset her,” Rarity explained to a sputtering Twilight.

“Uh…., Rares, who is that next to Flutters and the rest?” Applejack suddenly spoke.

Rarity suppressed a shiver as she glanced over, surely no one was stupid enough to hurt that…. Pony….., “I do believe, darling, that is indeed Miss,”

“Well Horseapples,” Applejack remarked, “By the way Twi, how far are we from the Dragon, exactly”

Twilight stopped sputtering, as she answered. ”12.96 feet, 6.39inches”

Rarity’s eyes widened, doing the next logical measurement, “Darlings, the distance from the Dragon to Miss is 25.56 ft, 11.94 in.”

Twilight took a breath, her hoof moving up and down, “Okay, what do I not know?”

Rarity and Applejack flinched. “Dis is responsible for…. Preventive Maintenance when it comes to Ponyville,” Rarity began.

“And Mis’s job is gettin the town back together after everything Dis can’t prevent, every Tuesday they take the day off and seal the door.”

“Indeed Darling, I do believe that Dis’s precise words where, ‘We give 6 days of the week to all of you. Tuesday is our day, if you come to our door, unsummoned, and bother us, we will listen, after I have removed a limb, of your choice, had it cooked, however you prefer, and fed to you. So, whatever the problem is, it better be worth the price of being fed your own limb.’ No one ever took him up on the offer.” Rarity interjected.

“The two have been in love since they met. Dis has no care or overt hatred for anybeing, he just honestly only considers Miss as important, Miss however cares about everyone, regardless of race or appearance,” Applejack finished.

Twilight looked quizzical for a moment. “But Ponyville gets invaded or destroyed every Tuesday…… and he only cares for her…...willing to feed others…..for her..she is unconc…Oh.”

The implication made her eyes widen, and with a “NOPE!” she and her friends were immediately teleported next to Discord, within the safe radius of Dis’s special somepony.

“You better have three more chairs, Discord. and Pinkie pass the popcorn!” Twilight yelled.

Dis calmly strolled forward, a smirk upon his face. It had been a long time since he had justification to Ground Zero some unfortunate soul.

“Hey! You pathetic excuse for a gecko, Tuesdays are my day off! Not Wednesdays.”

The Dragon stopped in its destructive rampage long enough to glance down at the pony before him. Darting his maw forward the dragon, once again, tried to eat his troubles, only to rear back in pain, as it bit the edge of a shield that had sprung up in front of the much abused Unicorn.

“That was Strike One, coming here, when I’m actually required to care about you.” Dis stepped to one side, the shield remaining, blocking the dragons path.

Not to be deterred, the dragon whipped it’s tail down upon the ornery pony before him. Again a roar of pain was heard as yet another flat sheild appeared, taking the brunt of the kinetic damage.

“That was Strike Two! Doing this before I've even had time for my Coffee!” Again, DIs moved away from the shield, again the shield remained behind.

The Dragon bellowed at the frustratingly angry pony before him, balling his fists together, the reptile slammed them down upon Dis. A cry of pain echoed forth, as the dragon pulled back his broken hands.

Dis smiled, a third shield had appeared, blocking the blow. Energy arced from shield to shield, gathering together into a massive wall of lightning.

“Strike 3! You hurt my Miss.”

The lightning focused to a central point, as Dis’s horn glowed, the metal implants radiating heat, the other components giving off smoke from the effort of holding the energy back.

“Now a quick lesson in science. Energy cannot be created or destroyed, only converted. Say, Kinetic energy to Lightning. Ground Zero.” Dis simultaneously released the energy build up in his horn, triggering the shields to release their payload. The energy output left a well cooked adult dragon and a very large ditch, as well as everything, out to 30 feet past the dragon, ceasing to exist.

Turning, Dis strutted back over the Mane 6 as they clapped. Twilight shot forward, before anyone could grab her, only to have a glow appear over her mouth.

“Princess Bookhorse I will give you a full Update later, I have some things to attend to.” Leaving the energy Muzzle in place, Dis turned to Pinkie.

Poof, Two Things, One, good job hooking up with Skittles, guess you finally got to taste the Rainbow.” Pinkie blushed as Dis snickered at his own joke. “And Two, COFFEE NOW!”

Pinkie’s shape blurred, as a cloud of dust formed where the Pink Party pony had been. Dis turned to Fluttershy.

“How is she?”

“Misfortune will be fine.”

“Misfortune, I thought her name Was Misbegotten, Darlings.

“I always thought it was Missing Out.”

“Are you sure? Because I always was told that it was Mistaken.”

“C’mon now! It is clearly Misappropriated.”

“WOW! I always thought it was Miss Filed. Here’s Your coffee DIs, Just the way you like it.”

Dis took the brew from his cousin Pinkie, not saying a word. After all it was turning out to be such a nice day.

Far away in Canterlot, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna sat enjoying a late breakfast, when they saw and felt the blast of magical energy. Looking at its direction and where it had obviously come from, the two sisters looked to each other baffled.

“Should have invaded on a Tuesday.” they both groused to one another, before going back to their meal.

Chrysalis sat in hiding, alone and unloved, but most assuredly, she would be getting her revenge. It was then she felt the spike in destructive energy. She looked to the bedraggled calendar hanging from her cave wall. It contained the most adorable puppy and kitty affirmations. She then glanced at the Hello Kitty wall clock for the time. Shaking her head sadly on any villain that had been stupid and unfortunate enough to invade Ponyville on a Wednesday, before that stallion had had his coffee.

Tirek leaned back on his cot, as he flicked through his book. It was surprisingly a good read, normally, How To Make Friends and Influence People would have never perked his interest, but when one does not have the best of reading materials, then one must make do. Feeling the energy spike from Ponyville, he smirked.

“Even I wasn’t insane enough to invade on a Wednesday, before that one got his coffee,” He paused as he straightened up even farther, his eyes taking on a malicious tint. “And I most certainly would not have hurt that one. Dragon got exactly what he deserved.” No further sound was heard from Tirek’s cell. Nothing other then the flipping of pages.

Penalty on the Play

Mis opened her eyes to the smell of cooked dragon. Groaning she began to shift, only to be assaulted by a pink maned Pegasai.

"Fluttershy, I'm fine. Can you please let me up?" Mis asked.

Fluttershy stared at her cousin for a moment, then shook her head. "Mis, you were inside a dragon's mouth and slammed into the ground. You should really get checked out."

"Nah, my fat protected me." Mis groused. "To much padding to actually get hurt."

"I really wish you wouldn't talk like that Mis, you're a wonderful Mare."

"Flutters, honey, so not in the mood right now. Where’s my special Somepony? Or has he already started running?"

"I'm right here Mis, figured you'd catch me anyway."

"You're a very brave Mare." Princess Twilight interrupted. "You organized the evacuation, then pushed Fluttershy out of the way, taking the blow entirely yourself. A blow that would’ve killed anypony else. Dis and you saved a whole lot of lives today."

"Huh, Princess, would you excuse me for a moment? I have to talk to my Special Somepony about what spell he used to save a whole lot of lives."

"I’d like to know how he managed it too." Twilight, lost in the need to learn about new magic, failed to notice Dis using every non verbal cue he could to get the oblivious purple mare to stop talking. "He set up three shields that converted Kinetic energy into electrical, focused it into a central point and then was triggered by a final blast of energy. Even I’d be hard pressed to cast something like that, without risking Overdraw, Backlash or even Magical Exhaustion."

Mis turned to Dis, a stern look upon her face. Dis lowered his head, ears down, he whined, "Please don't be mad."

"Mad," Mis interjected, "Why would I be Mad, I have a dead Dragon laying in a heap, a gigantic hole that needs to be filled and my partner saw fit to drop a Ground Zero in the middle of Ponyvile."

"That's not completely accurate," Dis defended, "we're nowhere near the Middle of Ponyvile."

"Do you think that technicality will make me less upset?" She turned to the shocked princess at her side. "Princess Twilight, would you kindly explain, for the benefit of the non-unicorns, and anyone not currently sleeping in the same bed as Dis, the concepts of Backlash, Overdraw and Magical Exhaustion."

"C'mom Mis we don't have to...." Dis's mouth realized something his brain had yet to catch up to, Mis was mad, she was mad with Dis, Dis was making things worse, and it was time for the patchwork pony to shut up, so it glued itself shut in mid sentence, on protest of not wanting to die. Immediately, all the other systems in Dis's body joined in his mouth's rebellion, refusing to take orders, until the brain stopped being suicidal. Dis's brain relented and Dis remained silent.

"Oh Okay." Never missing a chance to educate others, but completely missing the interplay between Mis and Dis, the purple Alicorn began. "Well, Everyone knows that Unicorns draw in and store Mana in a gland at the base of their horn, just outside of the braincase. However, a Unicorn can also pull directly from the environment, but there is a risk. Overdraw happens when too much Mana is drawn into the Unicorn's body. All Unicorn's have a different limit and there are certain techniques that can increase this limit, but the consequences are the same. The Mana is not safely controlled and begins to strain the Alicor System that was meant to control it, causing a tremendous amount of pain. Which if the Unicorn loses control of the Mana then it vents back into the environment through the quickest channel possible, namely the one casting the failed spell. This is called Backlash. Both Overdraw and Backlash can cause Magical Exhaustion, which means that you are unable to cast magic until the damage heals."

"What would happen if a Unicorn could ignore the pain, or not feel it, and focus so that no Backlash happened?" Mis asked.

Twilight's answer was instantaneous. "Then they would not only be able to use their internal store of energy but the energy of the surrounding environment. But the only Type of Unicorn that could manage that would be one with Ghoul Syndrome........"

Twilight's eyes narrowed. "You're right, Mis. That spell was an incredibly stupid thing for Dis to do."

Applejack stared at Twilight. "I'm sorry Twi, but what is Ghoul Syndrome?"

It was Dis that answered. "Ghoul Syndrome occurs when either a Unicorn is effected by necromantic energy or has the bad luck to be descended from those who had. It can skip many generations, even showing up in one sibling over another, such was my case. This magical syndrome causes a Pony to suffer various effects. One, is a complete immunity to pain. For someone with Ghoul Syndrome pain doesn't register as important, though they still feel it. Two, individuals suffering from Ghoul Syndrome have a different way of handling recovery. My entire body is inclusive. Which means that a foreign body in my system is incorporated into the whole, becoming a part of my body. Even healing with the rest of my body, should I get hurt. My nervous and Alicorn systems will propagate through these additions as well. I was able to defeat the dragon because I was not only able to use Overdraw without backlash or Magical Exhaustion, but also with the conductive material in my body I could channel Mana more efficiently and thus pull of that Ground Zero."

"Let me touch your Horn." Twilight ordered.

"Twilight, Darling, Mis is right here I hardly think that's appropriate." Rarity said scandalized, Twilight just stood firm.

Mis glared at Dis. "Do it Dis, she's already figured it out, so you might as well confirm it."

Dis stepped forward and lowered his head to the Purple Alicorn. Clasping her hand around the broken horn, she quickly jumped back. "By Celestia's Flaming Tits!"

Shaking her hand, Twilight berated Dis, "Just because the pain doesn't effect you doesn't mean your immune to the damage. You need to take this seriously, or your could drive your body to break."

Dis narrowed his eyes, "Did I fail to mention that I’m also the undertaker."

Twilight's eyes went to pinpricks. "That's Immoral and unethical!!!!!"

Dis smirked, "Not so, I include it as an option in the contract between myself and the relatives of the dead. That same option has a non-disclosure agreement and any that don't wish to sign don't have too. Although quite a few ponies do, simply because that particular clause removes 50% of the cost of the preparations, all of which is taken off the final funeral bill." He bared clenched teeth to the Mane 6. "After all, its not like the dead have any need and my duties tend to mean I do need replace parts every so often."

"Stop it Dis." Mis stepped in front of the much larger Unicorn, "You're going to say something you'll regret." turning to the Princess she leveled a stern glare unto Twilight. "And with all do respect, Princess, he's the one that gives up his Tuesdays during the Timberwolves mating season so that the damn things don't leave the Everfree. So no judgments."

Mis turned to the problem before her. "Pinkie, get in touch with The Home for Special Needs Orphans, I just found an answer to their meat problem, provided they can slaughter it." The Pink mare stood tall a moment and shot Mis a salute, then was gone, a cloud the only thing remaining.

Returning her gaze to Twilight she said, with a twinkle in her eye. "The water drainage that was to expensive this quarter, well 100% of the excavation is done, and since you can get most of the labor and materials at a discount, costs are now done enough to afford this expansion."

Princess Twilight did some quick figuring in her head, "Indeed it does, but how'd you do that?"

"Do What?"

"Just start giving orders and being obeyed. Even I was hard pressed to realize what was going on."

"I just have a knack for it."

"Alright calling you on that." Dis stated. "Do you want to tell her or do I?"

Mis's ears flattened as she answered the Princess. "I have Perseus Disorder."

Twilight looked from Mis to Dis and then backed away slowly.

"Darling for those of us without Doctorates, would you care to explain what has you spooked."

"Yeah, what the hell Twi, your acting like the two of them are gonna just start rampaging."

"AJ, Rares, I know why Twi is scared." Rainbow Dash uttered. She herself was eyeing the tall Unicorn, as well as the smaller, plump Pegasai.

"Perseus Disorder is when a Pegasus is born with the magic systems of an Alicorn. Most die young since all that energy burns you from the inside out. However, on rare occasions, some learn to expel the energy on a continual basis. Which puts stress on the body, leading to a round, stocky pegasai. Since the magic and nervous systems are close to those of our rulers, those with Perseus Syndrome can use a version of the Royal voice that, although not as powerful, can make ponies listen for a few moments, and in extreme cases have them obey minor orders. They are also deceptively fast. The downside is that since magical doesn't fit the physical, Somepegasi with Alicorn Disorder are prone to being nutz'"

Rainbow approached Mis and Dis. "But, Twi you're being dumb. If these two had wanted Ponyville it would’ve been their's, despite anything we could’ve done. However they seem content to keep doing what they’re doing. So stop being a wuss."

Twilight shook her head a moment, then bowed her head in shame, "I apologize, Rainbow is right. You have done a great service to Ponyville this day. One the will not be......"

"Sugarcube, they already done walked away."

"What?!"

"Indeed, Darling they walked off as soon as you bowed your head."

The Conversation was interrupted by Fluttershy squeeing, as, led by Pinkie, young predatory children began making their way over to the dragon corpse. Soon they had butchered and removed the entire thing, making the most adorably grizly march back to their home, all while Fluttershy got herself bloody hugging them They where followed by construction crews, that after a well choreographed musical number, had the entire drainage system in place. Mis and Dis did not show again, and soon any sign of the damage that had so recently wrecked Ponyville had disappeared.

Twilight snorted, then shouted out, "Mis and Dis, I expect the two of you to report to me once a week now!" Having exerted her authority, she turned to the rest of her friends.

"All of us are going to the spa. Yes, you too discord. Shut up rainbow, don't care. I'll explain to the cakes later Pinkie. Spa!!!!! All of you now!!!!!"

With that, all of the mane 6, plus one Draconiques made their way to the spa, while in Ponyville the world moved on.

Author's Note

This got longer then I thought. It still feels a little to long, but it ties everything up nicely. I will try over the weekend to edit the first chapter, so hopefully that will get done. I may do that with all my stories, so it may be a little bit before I update again. Mostly because I have been having some trouble getting some chapters started, as well as some plot issues I have to handle. So I may use this weekend to do that. Well, I hope you've enjoyed this little romp, because I have no real incentive to continue with Dis and Mis at all. Have a good weekend all.